blurryromance - Tumblr blog

[blurryromance]

I just reread the journal we made together. I never threw it away. I have all your things. All the notes, bracelets, seashells, love letters,,, i kept all of it

What a grave error ive made

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Before you and after you

I want to write without you on my mind I want to scribble your name for one last time and burn the paper I want to sit across from someone that looks like you and never think about your smile I want to go back Back to chasing dreams in cheap apartments Back to smoking cigarettes with my friends I want for Summer to separate the seasons – Before you and after you; I want to be alone, I want to go insane Waiting, wasting my life on made-up stories Playing pretend with people that hurt me It was all an act, it was just a joke, I'll be ok! But you know I never was, I never am I'm buying time, drinking wine until I'm letting go Until I forget, until you go away.

~ A. A. Roman

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I still have your shirts

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I dont know where you start and where i end

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You ever think back to some previous horrible self-inflicted moment of complete fuck in your life and think

? Well, I figure that means you’ve made some progress! Right? Right guys?

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It hurt, didn’t it? What a monstrous thing for me to do. The monsters inside of us are experts at hiding, making you believe they’re leaving or gone already, and then they come out and tear apart your world and bite everything and everyone near you until there’s nothing but blood and chaos around you and you don’t realize what just happened… but everyone, in their distress and misery, looks at you because, in truth, the monster came out of you. You ARE the monster. You caused all the damage, and suddenly, there’s no way to go back and stop the damage before it’s done, so you stand there with loud ringing in your ears while explosions happen all over you and you try to take it all in, and the monster inside your belly tells you how delicious all this carnage is but there’s a voice inside your head sobbing and begging you to stop…

But you just stand there numb, because you knew better. You knew better but you still failed. You failed the biggest trial.

And the one you hurt most was your best coach and fan; they’re on the ground in front of you bleeding out and begging you to keep them alive, but all you do is stare into their eyes while the monster eats them alive. You hear their screams and cries for your help but the monster ties your arms behind your back and suddenly you’re paralyzed. Tears escape as you watch the violence unfold. Prayers don’t work here; not in this land.

When the biggest test came, you failed. You never deserved the coach you had, because you failed them, and they were the biggest casualty.

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This whole year has been a fever dream

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Best feeling ever..

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3784990

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Oof felt that

Sometimes I get caught up in my feelings, I want to bottle it all up. 

[blurryromance]

YUP YUP YUP

“The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort”

— Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides to Die

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[blurryromance]

“Remember to poop before midnight tonight. You din’t want to be carrying the same shit into the new decade.”

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