blxxckdahliamurder - Tumblr blog

[blxxckdahliamurder]

useless

[blxxckdahliamurder]

[blxxckdahliamurder]

halo.

it's been a while setelah lama gak nulis sesuatu disini, berfikir untuk men-archive post2 yang lalu karena terlihat konyol bgt akun ini cuma jadi akun pelarian hahaha

i took a long longggg journey since last time i wrote my story in this blog, masih dengan dinamika perkeluargaan dan percintaan yg semakin kesini semakin rumit.

to whoever u are read this, i hope u enjoy ur life, and even maybe u just see a little bit happiness i wrote in this blog. trust me, in my real world Allah still gave me some happines, the problem is on me who can not feeliing grateful.

[blxxckdahliamurder]

dear my love, Dika Sapto Firdaos..

[blxxckdahliamurder]

“You don’t deserve someone who comes back, you deserve someone who never leaves.”

— Unknown

[blxxckdahliamurder]

hopin' u stay healthy, keepin' good, always praying, my endless love. i dunno since when i took our relationship so hard to be our future, even we were far from each other right now, i hope we always in good and health condition. stay positive even i knowwwwwwww it's really hard time for us, have a distance, having our own busyyy but ya buat masa depan yg lebih baik gksi? w tau u bakal baca ini. canggung rasanya ngomong langsung atau tau respon lo bakal b aja kalo langsung wkwk jadi mending gue nulis disini dan ya yaudah gue bodoamat sm respon lo.

bye, see u when i see u my emey🖤

[blxxckdahliamurder]

all we knew this time is really hard time for everyone right?

our struggle is trying to be sane, we'd survive and keep still to feeling alive.

sekarang cuma bisa berdoa dan percaya kalau pepatah setelah badai akan ada pelangi itu benar adanya.

[blxxckdahliamurder]

hola, long time not so write i think?

tonight i just waking up from my sleep beside my boyfriend and realize he is the one who stay after all of drama in my life lol. he is my best friend who being my best boyfriend too.

setelah melewati drama percintaan dan pertemanan terkrusial selama hidup gue ya gue rasa di 2020, where's definitely me loss my friend satu per satu karena kehidupan kita semua udah berjalan masing2, lalu pacar yg 6 tahun menemani dr susah sampe susah lagi HAHA merusak semuanya karena habbit dia, ya sekarang cuma ada pria ini.

gue si gada lagi tuh skrg mikirin apa-apa selain hidup jalan terus kedepan sm dia, nata hidup bareng-bareng, tp yg harus gue tanemin sbnrnya juga skrg gue tuh gaboleh naro ekspektasi besar gaksih sm pria ini? sama kayak sebelum2nya gue naro ekspektasi besar ke tmn2 gue, ke pcr gue dulu yg berujung kekecewaan.

gue harus siap sama segala kemungkinan di depan, jalan kita masih panjang, masih banyak rintangan yang belum muncul dan gatau ada apa aja kedepannya. gue cuma bnr2 berharap sm Allah, kalo gue sm dia bakal gini terus, bisa ngandelin satu sm lain, dikasih jalan yang terbaik, dikuatin satu sama lain. Apapun yang terbaik mau susah seneng semoga kita bakal baik-baik aja terus kedepannya. gue selalu percaya Allah selalu punya rencana terbaik buat kita semua.

i don't know really what I'm saying, but i never stop feeling thankfull to have him. he is my strength, my weakness, my peacefully and everything about him, i love it.

[blxxckdahliamurder]

A bugs life ya know

[blxxckdahliamurder]

Roda Kehidupan.

bermulai dari awal pandemi,keluarga gue bak tersambar petir asli. sebenernya dari dulu pun hidup gue pribadi udah kayak rollercoaster sih. dimulai dari waktu sd sampe kuliah gada satu moment pun di hidup gue yg bikin gue ngerasa gagal sbg anak. titik kecewa org tua gue ketika gue menjadi seorang anak ya pas gue SMP, masa2 tolol nyari jati diri yang berdampak sampai sekarang.

gue kira hidup gue bakal kayak di tv-tv, ya minimal sewajarnya lah, sekolah seperti seharusnya, makan seperti layaknya org normal, tidur dengan nyenyak dll. tp totally zonk.

di umur yang ke-23 tahun ini,gue bener2 baru tersadarkan kalo

"oh,ini yang namanya hidup."

gue harus ngelewatin masa-masa harus bisa survive diri sendiri, ngeliat adik-adik gue ga se-"enak" gue dulu, ngeliat org tua gue banting tulang pergi pagi pulang malem sampe sakit2an cuma buat kita semua wkwk pernah terlintas di otak gue,

keluarga gue salah apa yaAllah?

apa kita kurang bersyukur?

gue juga baru menyadari bahwasannya mental gue lemah banget dari dulu ternyata, i think i wanna wrote a confession in here...i was trying to suicide around 4 or 5 times in my life. pretty pathetic right?

tp selemahnya gue, udah sampe nenggak pewangi ruangan yang malah jadi bikin gue trauma sampe skrg itu malah bikin gue tersadar kalo gue emg bener2 jauh sm Tuhan.

disaat titik terbawah gue hari ini, di masa ini gue cuma percaya cuma Tuhan gue, Allah yang satu2nya bisa bantu gue dan keluarga gue dan orang terdeket gue buat ngelewatin semua masa sulit kita sekarang.

[blxxckdahliamurder]

Jadi dewasa itu bukan pilihan,tp emang sebuah keharusan gaksih? disaat orang berpikir usia lo udah cukup matang untuk mengetahui beberapa hal,untuk menanggung beberapa beban yang bahkan kadang beberapa orang dipaksa untuk dewasa sebelum waktunya.

dulu,gue ngeliat anak kuliahan tuh keren banget. bisa hidup dengan pilihan apa yang kita mau,bisa ngerasain punya hubungan percintaan, nge explore apapun yang lo mau.

tapi setelah gue jadi anak kuliahan ternyata gak sepenuhnya apa yg gue pikirin bener bahkan ada yang salah wkwk.

tanggung jawab atas apa yang udah lo pilih dan tau konsekuensinya itu salah satu proses dewasa kan?

gue gatau mau nulis apaan

sbnrnya lagi cape jadi org dewasa

ngeluh mulu emang bisanya wkwk tp dengan ngeluh bisa ngilangin beban gue gmn dong?

[blxxckdahliamurder]

don't judging me pls, i know it's so clingy but i really miss my boyfriend😥 i need him

[blxxckdahliamurder]

wonderwall.

hello there... i don’t know what am i supposed to write right now but so far as i know... tumblr can be the place for  whatever i want whatever i said and whatever i’m being.

what i’ve been through after all this time... i realize  i’ve got my heart so sick so rotted.. it’s okay to not be okay,right?:’(

sometimes.. when i already knew  about the truth i feel very relieved, grateful and the other way i feel very sad too...

pretty sad and being upset because i’m not pretty good enough for him, i didn’t make a good impact for him too....

but...isn’t God really fair to me? when i falling to deep down of bottom my darkest life God send me to you.. am i greedy? sometimes i think how can i being so rude as a women? i took u from her... her happiness.... sorry:’(

but back to reality again, isn’t it our destiny? our path to met each other to complete our life..

can’t stop being so thankful to God because of you to be here with me.. I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now ..

And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding because maybe after all you’re gonna be the one who saves me... because you’re my wonderwall.

[blxxckdahliamurder]

a lot of happiness of us,miss u darl😢🖤

[blxxckdahliamurder]

we could be like this forever,

can we?

[blxxckdahliamurder]

oh God,

can we both just stay little longer please?😢

[blxxckdahliamurder]

Wish?

pardon my cheeks...

but God tell me

please

i just wanna

lay down in his arms

and hug him tightly

maybe im not his first

and everyone knew

he's not my first tho

but im beg to U...

pls make him

to be my last.

i know

I've been selfish

but

i just want

him to be my best

for the rest of my life.

this distance

makes me sick

God please tell him

that i love him so much

and i miss him so much.