bokuto-simp

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Damian: Was that weird earlier? When I told everyone I was gay. Was that too touchy-feely? Jon: Dami, no. It was great. And don't worry, just because you opened up a little doesn't mean everyone's gonna be any less afraid of you. Jon: We're all still terrified. Damian, genuinely touched: Thank you, Kent.

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Damian, showing off Alfred the Cat like at those cat shows: perfect jaw, nice tail to body length, healthy teeth and eyes. Perfect in every way.

Damian, turning to Tim: something you’ll never achieve.

Tim, literally just sitting there: oh okay we’re fighting again?

Damian: yes.

Tim: shit I wasn’t ready, do it again

Damian: sure

Damian, showing Alfred The Cat off like at those cats shows: the perfect specimen, unlike you.

Tim: the perfect specimen, unlike your face

Damian: how dare you!

Damian, carefully placing Alfred down before wrestling Tim to the ground: my safe word is cookie!

Tim, trying to get him in an arm lock: mines peanut!

Bruce, who asks to spend time with both his sons, utterly confused: am I meant to do something…?

Alfred, knowing full well this as close to normal siblings behaviour they might ever get: they have safe words.

Bruce: right…

Tim: wait, peanut, I forgot to save my work

Damian: understandable.

Tim: okay done

Damian: can I get my knife?

Tim: no I have a date with Bernard tonight

Damian: ew.

Tim: homophobic?

Damian: no, just ew.

Tim: damn

Tim: I’m going to hit you now

Damian: can I bite?

Tim: you already did

Damian: no I didn’t

Tim, showing his slightly red wrist

Damian: ah, instinct.

Tim: you are the youngest

Damian: I’m going to bite the other one so it’s even

Tim: aw thank you, I hate it when it’s uneven

Damian: yeah you whine every time

Damian: like a bitch

Tim: I’ll tell your mum you used that word

Damian: sorry

Damian: harlot

Tim: better

Damian: commence!

Bruce: …

Bruce: Is this bonding?

Damian and Tim: nah ah

Bruce, even more confused: okay… just don’t go to far and hurt each other

Damian: you’ve ruined it

Bruce: what?

Tim: yeah… I’m not feeling it anymore

Damian: I’m going to my room

Tim: looser

Damian: your mum

Tim: valid

Bruce, wondering what he did wrong: I’m sorry, come back…

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I just know that every conversation where someone asks Tim "why didn't you tell us?" will always result in the answer being "I told Dick."

Same with Dick, whenever someone in the family asks him that the answer is "Tim already knew."

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Jason and Dick, both extremely unwell, chasing down leads in Blüd and taking turns during chases because one of them was overcome with a hacking fit or a sudden need to empty their guts somewhere.

Jason: *cough cough*

Dick: "Cover it."

Jason: *pointing at helmet*

Dick: "It looks weird as fuck."

Jason: "You're the one that got me sick, with your shitty excuse for a mask!"

Dick: "I warned you, I warned you I was sick, but nooo you had to stay over this weekend."

Jason: "I thought you were making shit up to get rid of me!"

Goon, tied to a chair:

Dick: "The polite thing to do would've been to stay home!"

Jason, coughing into elbow: "I came to take care of you!"

Dick, clutching his stomach: "Bitch please, I've spent more time taking care of you. Oh I'm gonna be sick."

Goon: "Maybe you two should go home and rest."

Jason: "Shut up. No wait, tell us what we want and then shut up. Jeez, Nightwing! Watch the shoes."

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Apparently this guy was at his mother in law’s house and they were all going through photo albums and he sees he photobombed his wife 11 years before they even met. I fucking love this.

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all this talk about Bruce staying beefy to carry his kids and Jason and Bruce being the only ones who can lift each other bc of all the muscle mass but i believe in my heart of hearts that Dick Grayson could and Would do it. and immediately fuck up his back. saving their lives, screwing around, WHATEVER, he would haul their huge asses over his shoulders as long as needed and then be like '🙂🙃🙂 i am so fine. i am great. dont worry about me lying motionless on the floor. thumbs up.' then he lies motionless on the floor for 14 hours.

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Trans activist Jamison Green's passport photos before and after HRT. Left he's age 32 (1980) Right age 41 (1989) after being on testosterone for one year (x)

(read his autobiography here for free)

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Sent a 12 year old on a fake Hero’s Journey last week and holy shit he actually did it

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sometimes i see some cool art of Blorbo but before i reblog it i peek in the notes and discover. it is not, in fact, art of Blorbo. it is art of Squub. i have no idea who Squub is.

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Maid cleaning a massive chateau surely belonging to the richest people you’ve ever seen, and as she’s walking from room to room you notice that every single portrait is of her

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Last night in Nebraska's largest city, Omaha, 3 term Republican mayor Jean Stothert was up for re-election, in the final days of her re-election campaign she went all in on transphobia, with a TV add accusing her Democratic opponent, John Ewing, "Ewing stands with radicals who want to allow boys in girls’ sports,”

Ewing and the Democrats fought back

and last night?

Congratulations to Omaha on its first black mayor, and remember calling Republicans bathroom creepers remains undefeated.

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I can’t believe 1TB microsd cards are like a thing that exists, thats like crossing a line, thats alarmingly close to playing god, where the FUCK are they PUTTING it

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in loving memory of my favorite shirt

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There’s one guy in Columbus Ohio that has a completely unique strain of Covid that we only know about because of how much he is shitting and it is baffling researchers.

His identity is a mystery but they know where commutes to because his shits turn up there too.

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dick: no revenge, because--

jason: YES, revenge.

tim: ALWAYS revenge.

damian: long, slow, and painful.

dick: ... ok then :)

bruce: ...

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Jason makes it his mission every holiday season to get Bruce drunk. He has never seen him drunk. None of the Batclan have. They make bets on what kind of drunk he’d be should they ever be lucky enough to bear witness to it.

Clark catches wind of the bets and struggles between making a bet himself that he’d be sure to win or revealing that the only difference between drunk Bruce and sober Bruce is that drunk Bruce likes to talk with a French accent.

—

Bruce visiting Clark after getting accidentally hammered: “Zis room is very dark, mon cheri.”

Clark: “Bruce. That’s the broom closet.”