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my mom asked me what a word meant yesterday and i didnt know so i said “our best scientists are still working on this” and she laughed so fucjing hard ????

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it's lazy in a different way but sometimes you aren't killing off that character's parents for an easy tragic backstory. sometimes you kill off the parents just so you don't have to write more characters.

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hi excuse me this is OPs mom, yah my daughter, she wanted you to know you reblogged her post before she had a chance to update a hasty technical wording edit that improves the readability flow and cadence by about 3% could you please delete your reblog and then reblog the new version?

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they should have leftist infighting as an event at the next olympics

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x

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i mean i wrote that post about a real life woman whose actual fingers i want forced in my mouth but it's great that you saw your beatles rpf bleed through the contours of my desire man. all of us are facets on the infinite gem of god's earth. personally i can't see ringo domming

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we need to have a way to post a pdf directly to tumblr. tumblr should have another post type called "pdf" so we can embed them easily. tumblr will never be the new pdf without this function.

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There's a weird 3 star movie out there ready to change your life forever

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people often say they are doing Deep Dives. when in reality they are doing Shallow Shambles

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I kind of love it when websites both display relative timestamps for an unreasonably long span of time before switching to absolute timestamps and use unreasonable units for the span in question. "This post was made 37 weeks ago" under what conceivable circumstance is this a useful way to communicate that?

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my grandpa was a good man. and it really wasnt his fault - recreationally lying to kids is a proud family tradition - but he told me, once, that cutting a worm in half resulted in two worms.

i think he said it so i'd be more morally okay with fishing? i actually dont remember the context.

point was, he told me this, and he understimated (by a very large margin) how much i liked worms. i was a worm boy. very wormy. and after hearing that, i went home, and i dug through the garden, flipped over every rock, did everything i could to gather as many worms as i could, and then i uh.

i cut them all in half. every worm i could find. all of them. with scissors.

i then took this pile of split worms, and i put them in a box with a bit of lettuce and some water and stuff and went to bed expecting to double my worms overnight. i have math autism, so i had a vague understanding that if i did this just a few times in a row, i would eventually have a completely unreasonable amount of worms.

i was very excited to become this plane's worm emperor.

(i think i was...six?)

anyway, i did not become the inheritor of the worm crown. i instead woke up to a box of dead worms and cried. a lot. i got diagnosed with panic attacks as a teenager, but i think i had them as a kid, i just had no idea what they were. i was kind of processing that a.) i had killed what i had assumed was every single worm in my yard, and thus would have no more worms, and b). i was going to like, worm hell.

(six year babylon spent a lot of time worrying about god.)

so i kind of freaked out, and i climbed a tree, because god can only smite you if you're touching the ground (?) and i sat up there mostly inconsolable until my mom came out and asked, hey, what's up? what happened?

so i explained to her that i had killed all of the worms, forever, and was also Damned, and she took me to the compost pile, and we dug for all of five seconds and found like twenty more worms.

the compost pile was full of worms.

and she told me that a). there were more worms, and we could put them back under rocks and stuff and recolonize our yard and b). that one day, i would die, and i would go to heaven, and i would be able to talk to the worms, and i would be able to tell them all that i was very sorry, and that i killed them on accident out of excessive Love, and that they would forgive me, because worms have six hearts and no malice.

at that point, i think i was sixty percent tear-snot by weight, and i had no choice but to gather enough worms that i could hug them. which my mom helped with. and then after that she helped me put some worms back under each rock.

and for my epilogue: i spent a significant portion of my childhood in trees. and for many years after, even when my mom didnt know i was watching, i would catch her giving the space under the rocks a light spritz with the hose. not because she loved worms.

but because she loved me.

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The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes only to turn around and to your horror: the pot.

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tom cruise order a hit on elon musk and you will be reincarnated as [remembers hes a scientologist] your thetan will assume a lotus flower

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