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[bonegwrl]

relationship with food

this fullnes won’t let me sleep

regret who i was 5 minutes ago

lying to myself every day

can’t trust me anymore

nobody should look at me like this

i apologize but never to myself

[bonegwrl]

father

we are the same

yet i’m nothing like you

the things you do and how you do them

to cruel for me to ever replicate

not for a moment could i speak in your same words

i’ve catch myself talking with your tone

immediately correct my rhythm

put on songs hoping you comment on them

still i tell my friends you mean nothing

first to know i passed the exam

but i don’t want your congratulations

search movies to sit with you on the living room

you’ve seen them all

lip trembles at the thought that hunts me

having someone like you around me forever

growing up with a man like you

i’ll end up looking for a man like you

been swearing to you for years i’ll never marry

you give the same answer each time

“you’ll change your mind”

pray to whoever is listening i don’t

if i don’t become you, there’ll always be room for you

[bonegwrl]

mother

you never seem to care until now

i’m one step from failing

blinking with wet eyelids

breathing stutters

can’t move

only deep breaths

you are angry at tiny things

can’t talk when i’m like this

afraid of lashing out

i know the words i’ve regretted

rational thinking and cero talking

angry at my lack of words

silent car ride

no glances

no one will brake

heart beating fast it hurts

the heavy whole in my chest only gets bigger

blank stare on the road

mothers silhouette on my peripheral view

[bonegwrl]

maladaptive

imagining in a second languaje

invented friends

new house

different body better face

bigger lips smaller waist

laugh with the wall

kiss the mirror

steal songs from others

sing them like i wrote them

think years ahead

make myself cry

create conflict to become the hero

turned around and i’ll make this room my world

[bonegwrl]

bruxism

wanted tears and blurted out a laugh

voice wavers when i speak

smile grinding my teeth

woke up in a belly laugh

goals change lacking fulfillment

young and never achieved

progress leads me to the same spot

interview with myself at noon

delusions of grandeur

[bonegwrl]

figments of mine

in conversations, were your eyes ever on me?

those lingering eyes just figments of mine

you aren’t mine to grieve, remember and miss

don’t remember how you breathed

breath funny pretending i can’t see you

see past you as you stroll down the hall

walk with my friends and laugh in your face

laugh about stuff unrelated to you

[bonegwrl]

Melissa

honey, used to be stinging with sweetness for all

now you’ve gone bad and brood

honey, used to be smearing with pleasure for others

now you’re not scented for their taste

honey, used to be swarming with dew for the noble ones

now you’ve turned into a grub

honey, used to be syrup for the ones that coughed

now you’re fermenting the colony