bonesanaall

[bonesanaall]

can’t wait to get thin enough for a guy i like to want me

[bonesanaall]

for lunch i had a slice of cheese pizza 300 cal :/ total 810

i’ve done 1200 steps so far i might try to get 3k instead of 2k to make up for the pizza i ate…

for lunch today i had a sandwich from starbucks 360 cal. and a coffee 150 cal

total 510 cals . going to get 2k steps on my stair machine today, yesterday i only got 1.2k. and tmrw going to try to fast all day :). also weighing myself first thing in the morning because today i didn’t. i am on my period which hopefully explains my horrible appetite recently. i’m also not going to smoke at all in the next week (getting rid of my weed so i can’t give in lol.) so hopefully that will also help me avoid binges

[bonesanaall]

HONEYMOON PHASE COME BACKK

[bonesanaall]

for lunch today i had a sandwich from starbucks 360 cal. and a coffee 150 cal

total 510 cals . going to get 2k steps on my stair machine today, yesterday i only got 1.2k. and tmrw going to try to fast all day :). also weighing myself first thing in the morning because today i didn’t. i am on my period which hopefully explains my horrible appetite recently. i’m also not going to smoke at all in the next week (getting rid of my weed so i can’t give in lol.) so hopefully that will also help me avoid binges

[bonesanaall]

new rules for myself <3 kind of messed up today but at least i didn’t binge. so here are my new summer guidelines, hopefully having them written down will keep me in check and i can obtain my summer body soon. maybe ill have it in time for fall… lol!

1. no more drinking / smoking unless it’s social (and i won’t pig out on food), or i’m getting high *at night* with no food around me to binge on and with intentions— like taking a nap, watching a movie, listening to music, or dancing/ working out. no smoking just to smoke because that only leads to binges.

2. at least 64 oz of water a day (2 water bottle refills). i know this is still not enough water lol but i struggle staying hydrated and this is a lot more than my usual intake!

3. either 10k steps a day OR 30min-1 hour of walking on my stair stepper or using my weighted hula hoop. no exceptions!!! need to stop being so sedentary.

4. 500-1000 cals a day. only exceptions are metab days. no more than once a week, if that!

5. less salt, fat, sugar. focus more on whole foods (fruits, veg, nuts, eggs) and when eating indulgent foods like hamburgers, fries, chicken tenders, desserts, chips, pasta etc, only have a few bites—- don’t finish food, especially once i’m already full. i really struggle with that lol. (i’m going to be on vacation soon and it’s going to be hard to avoid eating out but im going to try limiting it to 1x a day, burning cals with more activity than usual, and small portions. also stop getting sides with my food lol, no fries!) Also no more ice cream. I eat a lot of ice cream for someone who hates ice cream. also less animal products. cheese, eggs, meat. i don’t eat anywhere near as much protein as i should, even before i ever started restricting, so i don’t plan to cut down completely… i also eat a LOT of cheese which is also a habit that needs to stop. but if i can just focus on reducing it for now that’ll be a step in the right direction.

6. weigh self every day in the mornings, before eating and drinking but after using the bathroom. don’t skip it out of fear, i need to be aware so i can hold myself accountable. it’s so easy to break the habit when the number starts slipping because it’s horrible to see but being informed doesn’t change the reality of my weight it only keeps me from getting back on track.

7. journal and write out my plans and a checklist for every single day. ie, completing assignments, maintaining a clean room, doing all my household chores, keeping up with my skincare and exercise routines (although it’s only cardio), keeping track of any other obligations or outings.

8. skincare routine!!!! unless i’m going out or taking photos, i need to let my hair and skin breathe. no heat or makeup. moisturizer every day all over my body, firming cocoa butter to help my skin from losing all its elasticity. i also want to invest in a silk bonnet for my frizzy hair and victoria’s secret pajamas to wear around the house just to boost my mood lol. cute outfits to practice self care in never hurt anyone.

9. hair masks and eventually biotin / hair and nail pills as well to maintain my health a little better. maybe calcium supplements as well

[bonesanaall]

i just got my period really early for some reason… i’m lowkey hopeful, even though i’m super bloated it might explain why i’ve been so prone to binging, im going to stop getting high and binging and try to over-eat a lot less even though ive been failing so hard at restricting. once im off my period ill weigh myself and hopefully my weight will have gone down. i really want to get to 125 and stay there :/

[bonesanaall]

i can’t stop eating. i have no distractions and every time i feel motivated i fuck it up and eat on autopilot. i hate myself so much. i’m probably going to be 140 soon. i need to lock in today however i made a cake for my moms birthday and i already ate so much raw batter. and i still want to eat more! idk what to do. it’s also important for me to not be bloated tonight since im going out and probably taking photos, but it’s kind of too late now. hate this so much.

[bonesanaall]

going to get 2000 steps on my stair stepper today and not eat again to hopefully undo my binge earlier and get my weight down tomorrow. :D. also drinking a lot of water. i feel freshly motivated rn after looking at my old inspos. and i’m going to get back to my lw and then my gw!!!

[bonesanaall]

i almost binged again today but now i’m so fucking angry at everything and also disgusted by myself lmfao here’s everything i ate trying to hold myself accountable so i don’t eat any more. :/ if i fast for the rest of the day maybe it’ll be okay.

+ 3/4 kitkat bar : 157 calories

+ snickers bar: 215 calories

+ 1 thin mint: 40 calories

2 caramel hard candies: 100 calories

1 homemade iced coffee with milk and caramel: guessing 150 calories

1/2 cup of mexican rice it was so oily that it ruined the flavor. didn’t even taste good just left a gross film on my mouth and there are so many calories in oil: 200 cal?

1 serving of corn chips: 140 calories

total: 1002 calories. :/ at least it’s almost dinner time and i’m still disgustingly full. if i don’t eat for the rest of the day it will still be too much but atp that’s all i can do. hate this.

[bonesanaall]

133.2 i gained three pounds in three days 😭

[bonesanaall]

i didn’t binge yesterday but i did eat a normal amount unfortunately :/ today i need to do better. i keep saying it but this time im going to lock in. because i can’t continue this cycle. i’m afraid to weigh myself, i really really need to get back to my lw. the last time i weighed myself was three days ago and i was 130.0, i binged / overage all three of those days… terrified to weigh myself. i always am forced to eat when i go out with friends or else ill make them uncomfortable since probably everyone knows about my ed. and i don’t want to make other people self conscious or weirded out or anything so i do it even when i hate the food and its just awful.

this is kind of the habit i’m trying to break. i eat in the morning, usually my entire cal limit because im so hungry from stretching out my stomach the night before. i tell myself it’s fine because i wont eat the rest of the day. then i either go out with my friends or i get high by myself, and i eat something small but high calorie like ice cream or a sugary drink. then when i get home i feel like “hey ive already ruined my progrsss, ill start tomorrow” and make a really filling or large meal that i eat the entirety of even if im past the point of fullness and getting uncomfortable. i also snack on things like chips or nuts or whatever’s in my pantry while the food is cooking. and then the next morning it continues, my stomach is stretched out from overeating and it makes me way hungrier. i really desperately need to break this cycle tomorrow, maybe i can start by avoiding starbucks and skipping breakfast….. im going out later in the day so i can plan to eat something small before then and save my calories in case i get a sweet treat

[bonesanaall]

got really high last night and binged. :/ it was probably less than 2000 which still is a huge number lol. trying to lock back in today but i’m always so sick yet hungry the day after a binge. having a 150 cal coffee and a 290 cal danish. if i do need to eat again today im going to make another coffee

[bonesanaall]

i’m doing 15 minute increments of my stair stepper as well would should each burn around 100 calories 🥰 halfway through the first one now

for lunch / breakfast today i had 1/2 shaken brown sugar espresso 75 cal and 1/2 breakfast sandwich from starbucks 180 cal, and 12 baked ruffles as a snack 120 cal. total 375 cal

for dinner i’m going to have the rest of my sandwich and my drink, another 255 cal which will put my total at 630 if i stick to that schedule. :)

[bonesanaall]

for lunch / breakfast today i had 1/2 shaken brown sugar espresso 75 cal and 1/2 breakfast sandwich from starbucks 180 cal, and 12 baked ruffles as a snack 120 cal. total 375 cal

for dinner i’m going to have the rest of my sandwich and my drink, another 255 cal which will put my total at 630 if i stick to that schedule. :)

[bonesanaall]

130.0 ! lost 1.2 so i guess, thankfully, that was just water weight. :)! still have a long way to go but i’m really relieved. maybe this is a sign to up my cals a little and stay in the 600-800 range rather than attempting 500. i think that’s more doable and it can still probably get to me where i want to be which is 124 lbs / bmi 18.9

[bonesanaall]

praying i lose tmrw. :( after the way i ate yesterday compared to today i think there’s a chance. i just need to get out of this horrible cycle. by june 23 i want to be 126 lbs (5.2 lbs to go :/)

[bonesanaall]

update… instead of ice cream i ruined my intake for the day with a slice of strawberry pie. at least it was pretty small? probably just under 1000cals for today but i wanted to binge further and i prevented myself which at least is something to be proud of (lmao i sound like amberlynn reid.) i desperately need to get back on track but im going out every day this week and my new clothes are skimpier than ever—- so that’s something to motivate me into losing the 3 lbs i gained about my lw lmao. i really want to be 125 soon and mt stomach has been so bloated and big these last few days, it’s not so bad when i wear pants but my legs are so skinny underneath it’s truly awful. my upper body is so much bigger than i remember it being, even my legs have gotten thicker as well and im really determined to get my progress back and if i can incorporate more exercise into my lifestyle then days like today where i fuck up and eat shit won’t be so bad

breakfast/ lunch 440 calories

i saved half of my danish so i’m going to have that for dinner. this morning i weighed 131.2 which is unfortunate lol. but i was really productive today and im determined to get back on track without sacrificing my social life / productivity as much. :) no more sitting consuming depressing stuff all day to reduce my appetite, now that it’s naturally decreased im going to go out and live my life or just clean and listen to happy music and read, anything to keep me busy and avoid binging without ruining my life lol