bonniesbeehive-blog

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Pat yourself on the back sometimes

FINALLY posting my second blog post LOL so here it is :) The past couple of months have been all sorts of crazy for me. All of my focus has been on creating this next package of music. Day in and day out every chance I had I was working to finish it. Now, I'm not talking about an album because that's not what was created. Each song has its own story and is a little masterpiece of its own, so each song will have its time. I feel each song so much on completely different levels and each one is so special to me.

SO, that semi drove me crazy, along with trying to make each performance something new and exciting , & going to the gym on a regular basis , thats taken all of my time up. It's wild when I feel like I'm finally getting all my shit together, all of the sudden time isn't on your side anymore and you have to tackle everything all at once & writing a blogpost was the last thing on my mind. BUT ANYWAYS here’s an update on my most recent events :) ...

Wednesday, February 7 2018:

I'm currently sitting in Montreal at Christian's ( half of Adventure Club) house and it's just hitting me that HOLY SHIT I'm in Montreal at Adventure Clubs house. 17 year old me would be shitting herself ( excuse my wording but theirs no better way to describe) These guys were one of the first electronic shows I ever saw back in Miami when I was first getting into the scene. Some of their music is what got me into this industry in the first place. And although I have done some pretty cool things since starting this journey, this is one of those times I feel like some of my work has truly paid off. I wouldn't be here if they didn't like SOMETHING I've created. So not only do they clearly have good taste in music ;) but they are the coolest, most down to earth dudes around so this trip has been super dope! 

Sometimes I can be so hard on myself and I find myself thinking more about what I haven't done then what I have done. I know being a bit hard on myself can be a good thing because it helps drive me to work my ass off But YOU NEED TO PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK SOMETIMES. I spend so much time focusing on my next moves and where I want to be but DAMN it feels good to look back and realize where I’ve come. AND THIS NEW SONG WE MADE IS SO  FIRE, I can’t wait to share it with the world.

SO I guess what I’m saying is you need to reward yourself every now and then when you do great things because you deserve it. Say " you know what, you got yourself here and that's fucking dope so, go you." 

If you believe in yourself and what you are doing, and continue to work at it, someday others will too.

Quotes:

“Don’t forget to reward yourself”

“WHEN YOU FINALLY GET SOMETHING GOOD, ENJOY IT”

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BE BACK SO SOON ... its been a long ending to a long year ...:)

excited to be back at it soon! 

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San Francisco airport is the tits

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Oh, San Francisco

Today, I finally start writing my thoughts. Well, I guess I mean today is the day I start sharing my thoughts & basically sharing a diary. I decided to start writing this blog today because it’s the first time in months I have actually had a chance to think about my life and take a step back for a second. I have so much going on in my career & I am always so focused on how it will be translated to the public. However, there is so much more I personally wish to share. There is so much more to my story…

I am in San Francisco for a day before we head to Thailand for a week, it is super gloomy outside, and all I can think about is, “ What do I want people to know that they already don’t?” So here it begins…

All my life I have looked for different outlets to share my thoughts and feelings with the world. From a young age, mainly throughout my middle school and high school years, I felt torn. Torn between communicating my thoughts/feelings or holding them inside. Torn in my anxious mind. I was commonly an emotional wreck behind closed doors because I just couldn’t communicate how I felt. It would tear me a part. I chose to run from many issues that bothered me instead of confronting them head on. Whether it was with my family when my parents were going through their divorce (because I didn’t want to cause more confrontation), with my sister  ( because typically our fights were about stealing clothes or superficial things) with my many boyfriends ( since I chose to ALWAYS be in a relationship since focusing on someone else was better than focusing on myself) or in school with any kind of girl drama (I would literally run from all of it, instead of trying to fit in, because being alone or an “outcast” always felt better then something I wasn’t.) 

Now, people that “know” me, especially those I went to school with would think, “outcast”? That’s not right. However, to me, that’s what I was. Yes, I was & am considered to be very outgoing and social. Yes, I love attention and sometimes i’ll do whatever it takes to get someone to laugh, but deep down, I’ve always been torn inside. Many of my actions/ ways of communicating are the outcome of someone who is extremely extroverted but lives with social anxiety. SO IM CONSTANTLY FIGHTING MYSELF. 

I can’t tell you the amount of times my father told me growing up, “Cmon Paige, grow a bigger back bone” but the devil on my shoulder always convinced me to hold my thoughts & feelings inside.

Ever since I was 8 years old and began writing all of my feelings into a book, I also began writing songs. & let me tell you, MUSIC SAVES LIVES. 

Writing songs became the only way to get through my emotions. I turned my tears into melodies I wanted to sing over and over again. It helped me accept hardships as they came my way and definitely helped me sleep most nights.

Now, this blog post isn’t supposed to be a sob story about how I’ve had social anxiety my whole life, because naturally in this day in age (so I’ve learned) most people do. but rather, I wanted to give a bit more depth to this feeling of being torn, and show some love for music, because at the end of the day, it is my savior.

This October we are releasing a song called “Torn” & it is inspired by the fight I have dealt with my whole life, and a fight people deal with on a regular basis. 

We all deal with the feeling of being torn in some way or another. However, I think it’s about HOW YOU DEAL WITH THAT FEELING & HOW AWARE YOU ARE OF IT that really shapes you as a person & can potentially help others around you. Realizing that the lows in your life can be used as ammunition to becoming a stronger, better version of yourself. 

If more and more people speak their mind, share their thoughts, & confront their issues instead of hiding behind their anxiety, I believe our world would be a more righteous place & people would be a lot happier. It’s also important to find your outlet, however you feel best expressing yourself. 

Do I speak my mind? Do I express my feelings? Do I follow my heart? 

Not always, but I continue to fight to do so more and more every day. I am constantly at battle in my mind, but I am at least aware of it now & continue to use my music as my medicine.

At the end of each blog post I want to leave you with a quote or two I love <3

“You can’t win in your life, if you’re losing in your mind” - Tony A. Gaskins

“Only in the darkness, can you see the stars.” - Martin Luther King Jr.