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if you read in a frog paper “specimen was released in the field immediately after capture” chances are very good that what it actually means is

“i dropped the damn frog and despite the fact that we fell all over each other no one could recapture it”

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How to draw a fist! 

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Legendary whiskey distiller Jack Daniel actually died from kicking his safe after forgetting the combination. He injured his big toe, which got infected, and eventually led to foot amputation. It was too late though, the infection spread, and he eventually died from complications.

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the most comforting words a father can say

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This is the kind of support we’re spreading in 2019.

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fun activity: lesbians, describe your theoretical taste in men

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All the same! 

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Watching my toddler figure out how to language is fascinating. Yesterday we were stumped when he kept insisting there was a “Lego winner” behind his bookshelf - it turned out to be a little Lego trophy cup. Not knowing the word for “trophy”, he’d extrapolated a word for “thing you can win”. And then, just now, he held up his empty milk container and said, “Mummy? It’s not rubbish. It’s allowed to be a bottle.” - meaning, effectively, “I want this. Don’t throw it away.” But to an adult ear, there’s something quite lovely about “it’s allowed to be a bottle,” as if we’re acknowledging that the object is entitled to keep its title even in the absence of the original function.

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My cats weird obsession with Ringo Starr

So recently my cat has become infatuated with a picture of Ringo Starr I have hanging up in my room

He only ever does this with ringo, not George, the only other picture he can reach, I thought maybe he actually liked Paul or maybe it was just the frame so I conducted an experiment

I decided to try out some different pics of the Beatles together and he still seemed to prefer ringo over the other three

I then tried out individual photos to see which he preferred and he stuck by ringo every time

Finally I tested a picture of the band from a different era where they looked different, at least to a cat, and he still preferred Ringo, thus telling me that my cat has a thing for Ringo Starr

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Maybe only cats can become ghost. That’s why ghosts just knock over stuff and make noises at night.

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Some girl in my class was talking about McDonald’s shamrock shakes and this yeehaw dude in cowboy boots said they suck and then he looked me in the eyes and said “what you’re gonna do is go to Arby’s, and get yourself a mint chocolate chip shake.” And he said it with such authority and certainty that I did so as soon as I got in my car

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