bootywitch

[bootywitch]

Kind of a Reddit AITA post but sometimes it is a little funny to fuck with people in ways that deliberately conform to a stereotype of what they must think of you. the other day I was talking to my friend and I randomly said that I wanted a pet chimpanzee. I'd dress it in person clothes (dungarees and hats) and I'd teach it to love science fiction. And this girl nearby was like "you know how dangerous those things are, right? Also how unethical it is to keep an ape as your pet for your own amusement" and I was already seeing where the conversation was going so I was pretending ignorance like "yea but it wouldn't just be for my amusement. It would have practical points too." And she ignored that statement entirely to say "Well chimpanzees can rip faces off" and I was like. What's the most frustrating thing I can say now. Finally settled on "Mine wouldn't do that though." and you could tell she wanted to hurt me very very badly. Like a chimpanzee would if I had one as a pet

[bootywitch]

getting mad enough at video games that i have to stop playing and make a chart

[bootywitch]

[bootywitch]

i don’t get ppl who are fine w period pussy. smelling like wet parking lot pennies

[bootywitch]

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

[bootywitch]

you CANNOT read too much old timey fiction because I was playing Raft with the lads this morning and without a THOUGHT said we could sail over to another island "if the wind would consent to blow" & let me tell you. This did not pass by unremarked.

[bootywitch]

Banana Pudding Ice Cream

[bootywitch]

Biggest red flag in a man is when he says his favorite food is steak. First of all it should be cock but even then can you not say something more nuanced you blubbering ape. Not even cheesecake or something. I’d even take a subway sandwich because it means you have some sort of desire to change the world around you

[bootywitch]

my transformers comic 2

[bootywitch]

cooking with trauma

[bootywitch]

[bootywitch]

aaugh i hate citing sources *excruciatingly loud sounds of tearing metal combined with tortured human screams and fleshy hitting noises* ok that wasn't so bad actually..

[bootywitch]

i feel like this is exactly how i sound when i post on here

[bootywitch]

i get high & start actn like joe biden

[bootywitch]

Level 10 burgers event imminent. There is no time to evacuate, shelter in place immediately.

[bootywitch]

mm. Something about their colors just really speak to me. Look at the oob support that they provide they’re so lovely and considerate, it clearly must be really heavy ❤️❤️ give me more Tf one Starwavewave or give me death… I do this for them

[bootywitch]

Any time a customer is telling me a story and I can't understand them/what they're talking about and I'm just nodding and agreeing and looking interested I think of this gif