borenp

[borenp]

i just returned from india and seriously NAH why are the drivers on the left am i really just not remembering this right??

[borenp]

MBTI LIST 21: COMPOSITE NAME FROM TEMPERAMENT

ESTJ (Te-Se-Ni-Fi): Decisive Stabilizer ESTP (Se-Te-Fi-Ni): Decisive Improviser

ENTJ (Te-Ne-Si-Fi): Decisive Strategist ENTP (Ne-Te-Fi-Si): Enthusiastic Strategist

ESFJ (Fe-Se-Ni-Ti): Enthusiastic Stabilizer ESFP (Se-Fe-Ti-Ni): Enthusiastic Improviser

ENFJ (Fe-Ne-Si-Ti): Decisive Catalyst ENFP (Ne-Fe-Ti-Si): Enthusiastic Catalyst

ISTJ (Ti-Si-Ne-Fe): Controlled Stabilizer ISTP (Si-Ti-Fe-Ne): Controlled Improviser

INTJ (Ti-Ni-Se-Fe): Controlled Strategist INTP (Ni-Ti-Fe-Se): Patient Strategist

ISFJ (Fi-Si-Ne-Te): Patient Stabilizer ISFP (Si-Fi-Te-Ne): Patient Improviser

INFJ (Fi-Ni-Se-Te): Controlled Catalyst INFP (Ni-Fi-Te-Se): Patient Catalyst

[borenp]

a bit random but that feeling of when you're sitting next to a freezing ass fan and after a billion hours, somebody walks and stands in between you and the fan... omg it feels amazing. like their body heat starts getting blown at you from the wind from the fan

[borenp]

I lived with my grandma in a house that was right next to a volcano. Suddenly, black smoke started coming out of it and my grandma said, "The dogs are coming, happy New Year," then a bunch of black dogs with red balls in their mouth came out of the volcano and started playing.

[borenp]

I was in college and my roommate was going to turn me into a cube for her cube fetish weird religion that had to do with programming and she was converting me through watching a movie.

[borenp]

[borenp]

I was in bed and had a baby goat with me, and the goat kept trying to snuggle into me like I was its mother and I kept trying to get up to find the goat’s mom but I was trapped under the baby goat.

[borenp]

My dad was trying to tell me to clean my room but my friend was also having a panic attack over a creepy picture of a dog with some information about squids on it, so I was trying to calm him down and then my dad got so angry that he turned into a horse and ate my legs.

[borenp]

Ed Sheeran was sued and was in jail cause his song “Photograph” copied Ringo Starr’s song “Photograph” so Ed started a secret campaign for people to donate him enough money to break out of jail.

[borenp]

same man

SAME

I don’t know what it is about playing the piano, but whenever I set my fingers on the keys, I rise from a pit of self-loathing and feel a thousand times more lovely.

[borenp]

I ordered a book called “How to scam people”

Its been 6 months and I still haven’t received it.

[borenp]

ahahahahaha

The voodoo dildo

A woman went to town for shopping and she found this newagey shop. Curious she went in and looked around when she saw this huge dildo sitting in a corner behind some stuff. She asked the shopowner about it and he told her it’s a magical voodoo dildo. Whatever you say, the dildo will magically levitate and do as instructed, just say “voodoo dildo” and tell where you want it to go.

She believed him and bought it. On the way back in the car, she couldnt wait to try it out and decided to test it so she said “voodoo dildo, shag my pussy!”. Sure enough the didlo levitated from the back seat, went in and pleasured her intensely!

However she started to wiggle a bit with her car on the road while the action was happening and a nearby cop noticed and pulled her over.

As he inquired if she was under the influence of drugs or alcohol she replied it was because of this voodoo dildo.

The officer laughed at her story and exclaimed loudly, “Voodoo dildo?? My ass!”.

[borenp]

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests there, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

So she approached him, smiled and said politely, “Hello, my name is Carmen.”

“That’s a beautiful name”, he replied, “Is it a family name?”

“No”, she replied, “As a matter of fact, I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore, I choose Carmen.”

After a pause, she asks the man, “What’s your name?”

The man answers, “B. J. Titsengolf.”

[borenp]

On the first day, God created the dog...

God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I’ll give you back the other 10?“

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a 20-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for 20 years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?”

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I’ll give back the other 40?”

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you 20 years.”

But the human said, “Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back? That makes 80, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

[borenp]

I can’t stand homeless people

Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.

[borenp]

😂

My last girlfriend said I was unnecessarily mysterious.

Or did she?

[borenp]

I was a penguin and I was in Minecraft and my mom was also there, in Minecraft, upset at me for not paying attention to her (I was having too much fun being a penguin in Minecraft).