bowmanblogs

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my boy

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GUYYYYYY

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A fanfic

Once upon a time Bruce Wayne made dinner for all of his children.

"Kids come to dinner" he said. All the kids stopped beating up the various people of gotham who committed crimes like suggesting the BatFam wasn't perfect or not being 100% pure normal white human and rushed to the dinner table.

"What's for dinner, dad?" asked Nightwing, Bruceman's oldest son.

"It's money," said Batman, taking the cover off a big silver plate to reveal stacks of cash.

"Hooray!!!!" cried the mob of vigilantes. They were happy because being rich meant they were better than everyone. They also got along perfectly all the time. The only real conflict in their lives was when one of the evil dudes tried to do an evil thing but they were so weak an ineffective that it was always easy to defeat them because having conflict in storytelling is boring.

"what are everyones plans for tonight?" asked Batdad

"I am going to do a backflip," said Nightwing

"I am going to therapy," said Red Jason

"Coffee," said Tim. The studio audience laughed.

"I am going to make up badly written and OOC crap about how we're the best and post it on the internet," said Damian. "And i'm gonna tag every character i slander in them because their fans should get to see them too."

There was a silence where someone else probably should have said something but there were no other batkids and especially no girls.

"I am so proud of you all," said Bruce, who was a good dad and said things like this regularly and never ever ever canonically hit or tried to lobotomize his own children. "I have big news, too. Superman is moving here to Gotham to be my wief."

"Hello," said Superman, who was here now. Then Lex Luthor captured him somehow. Superman probably should have been able to escape all on his own but instead he just cried because he'd forgotten he's the second most powerful man in the universe, after bruce of course.

"I guess i should go deal with that," sighed Brucebat.

"indubitably," said Alfred, shooting the joker with a gun and killing him. it made a big mess on the floor. he mopped it up. all the batkids cheered again. then an alarm went off!

"a metahuman has entered gotham!" shouted bruce in horror. "come on, kids! we need to uphold the racial purity of our city!!!!"

everyone grabbed the weapons and ran for the door but they all reached it at the same time and fell over each other and fell down the stairs and died

the end

[bowmanblogs]

GUY GARDENER IS EVERYTHING TO ME.

One of the characters of all time

[bowmanblogs]

Every time someone draws Diana shorter than Bruce 30 people fucking die.

[bowmanblogs]

sigh… the ‘no metas in Gotham’ thing is very clearly xenophobic and makes all other Batman fan content uncomfortable to go through, even when the person making said content doesn’t share the interpretation.

It’s so clearly racist? Like so very clearly. And I know it’s been shown in the comics, but it’s bad! You don’t see people write Hal as a pedophile, even though what he did in that one comic was not okay. Batman shouldn’t be written as a xenophobic prick for laughs. It just isn’t funny, and sets a bad precedent.

On top of this, more DC fans need to be okay with people not liking their faves.

I’ve never seen a Green Arrow fan harass people for not liking Oliver, it makes sense, but if I make too much noise about disliking Batman I suddenly have to read 100 asks calling me stuck-up and ‘on a moral high ground’. Literally calm down. It’s comics.

This is said with the obvious exceptions of disliking characters specifically due to race, gender, sexuality, and other hateful things, which is never okay.

Please, tell me your one-sentence long unpopular opinion about DC comics's heroes, with no explanation

Mine is: Green Lanterns should be overpowered and able to take down the entire Justice League

[bowmanblogs]

Big Barda Propaganda: - I think she would find it yummy. I think she just enjoys foods with contrasting tastes in general

Sylvester Pemberton Propaganda: - He invented a drink that consisted of champagne, orange juice and avocado dip, so of course he’d put anchovies on his pizza!

[bowmanblogs]

this game is killing me dude dadadoo can wield a sword toadster basically says "cant have shit in nabnab city" syringeon's projectiles have bisexual lighting. dadadoo thinks bittergiggle is a weird fucking freak and also bittergiggle can teleport this game is cinema

[bowmanblogs]

[bowmanblogs]

i actually need to know people's thoughts on this because at least in my experience the answer to this has drastically changed since i was on tumblr in the 2010s and its driving me fucking insane

*im talking about fandom takes specifically. not someone being horribly evil about a real-life issue or or blatantly factually incorrect. literally just harmless fandom disagreements or differing interpretations of a text/character/etc.

[bowmanblogs]

wow I love to sit crosslegged without moving for several hours straight!

[bowmanblogs]

Future poll suggestions:

Hero/Team name that would make an awesome name for a band

Most likely to own a Funko Pop collection

Smallest ego

Most likely to listen to Weird Al

Best late night talk show gueststar

Most American

Character that probably smells the best OR who smells the worst

Most obscure character (voting for the character that you DON’T know)

feel free to leave notes about which, if any, of these you'd like to see as a future tournament

[bowmanblogs]

some fucking resources for all ur writing fuckin needs

* body language masterlist

* a translator that doesn’t eat ass like google translate does

* a reverse dictionary for when ur brain freezes

* 550 words to say instead of fuckin said

* 638 character traits for when ur brain freezes again

* some more body language help

(hope this helps some ppl)

[bowmanblogs]

[bowmanblogs]

@marxtheimpish your guy

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I need some people to really stop trying fusing the arrows and bats into one group. It's just getting annoying.

Some of y'all are just going 'oh they are both vigilante families, so they should be fused into one big family'.

While the arrows and Bruce (& the bats) don't really get along in canon. Like, please read the comics. It's getting real annoying to see the whole merging fams going on.

(Note that I have blocked multiple tags and people bc of that. But some people keep jumping tags every week).

[bowmanblogs]

AU where anytime Batman brings up the one punch moment between him and Guy Gardner he's treated like that one douchebag who still tells you about the "badass" thing they did in high school despite being in their 40s.

Or a group of Lanterns are visiting the watchtower and are surprised by how Batman not only seems to treat Lantern Gardner like a nuisance, but seems to be shockingly cavalier about the wellbeing of Lantern Rayner. Because these Lanterns first introduction to Guy Gardner wasn't him being an asshole, oh no...

...Their first introduction to him was the moment that he went absolutely balls to the wall crazy with grief when Kyle Rayner briefly died.

Oh this EATS

I hate the trope of “oh aliens automatically respect Batman because even they know who he is”

I wanna see people from different planets seeing the way Batman treats the lanterns and being horrified.

I fucking hate when people bring that up though. The time that Bruce punched Guy. People are like “oh ha ha he knocked out Guy with one punch.” Like. Consider the circumstances of it maybe???? that’s not something to praise Bruce for.