yob ♤ 22 ♤ they•he ♤ agender polyam faggot ♤ theistic satanist ♤ BPD; c-ptsd, MDD, Anxiety, AUD, polysubstance addiction, dermatillomania, aspd, OCD, ED, schizoaffective ♤ clean from benadryl: 8/22/21 ♡ i block anyone with their weight goals in bio, im trying to recover from my EDs ♡ tw: this is a dumping ground for any thought I have that can be tied to my mental illness :) enjoy
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took a 20mg XR adderall this morning then drank a 12 pack and ended up buying a $60 cannister of blueberry watermelon whippets. talked to the convience store man abt quitting cocaine. then picked up a gram and sobered up and played 10000 with my roommate and made plans to hang with some dude named Rodger. texted a bunch of ppl abt wanting to get sober from coke while on it. idk where im headed but I hope its in the right direction
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u said u wouldn't practice bdsm with me anymore bc id been sexually abused too much
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TW: r*pe, csa, inc*st
lmao i haven't told anyone abt this but im p sure I was r*ped in the psyche ward by the head doctor when I was a teen. cuz I woke up every night there having pissed the bed. and that only happened to me while I was being assaulted by my dad at home. and speaking of that im p sure my dad r*ped me in my sleep too when I was a kid. Just all the memories and pieces are falling into place where it p much looks like that's my reality.
#realizing a lot of things i thought were dreams#i think i was just getting assaulted while unconscious#bc i remember waking up to him being above me while i was completely naked and sweating
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still mad abt that person that said I "think people can be addicted to dph". bitch I was overdosing on dph everyday for a year and wouldn't stop even tho it was giving me seizures and put me in a psychosis where I thought I was dead amongst the living plane. its like DXM man, u CAN get addicted tho its not super common or likely. most people aren't addicted to PCP even tho it is addictive so. drug addicts that think there is a hierarchy dont matter to me. no one is better or more addicted than someone else based off DOC. im tired of it being a "whose life is worse" competition within the addict community. especially as a polysubstance addict I dont care for the whole pity party addicts try to throw for themselves. unlike some people I consider us a COMMUNITY and not foes who I must battle with over whose addiction is worse. either way none of us want to be addicts why are we trying to prove ourselves especially to other people like us!!! save that shit for the nonaddicts bro
#the infighting in the addict community is insane#it makes sense bc were all fucked but like#cmon dude you as an addict are trying to prove urself to OTHER ADDICTS#we can both exist man
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googled it n in conclusion: Testosterone and cocaine is toxic for the heart AND i already have heart problems
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lmao im tired of tops who dont let me top them complaining abt no one topping them
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dont know if I have bipolar I psychotic features or schizoaffective bipolar type. either way ik i have BPD. either way they're pretty similar so what do I care what drs think
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and when the beat drops I wanna see you pull. that. TRIGGER!!!!!!!
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herpetic whitlow on my dominant thumb right on the thumb pad with no meds got me tweaking!!! he tweaking bro!!! bros got herpetic whitlow and no meds!!! bro mad!!!
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update on this: drank 4 bloody Mary's and gummed 5 bags and blacked out for 7 hrs and came to having gone to the grocery store, liquor store, dispo, and convient store all while blacked out. got a lot of goods but blew like $100 while unconscious but mobile basically
goal of the day: gum 20+ baggies and drink 3 bloody Mary's. see how long it takes for wife to wake up
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dont die Toby. dying is not worth it. need to stop smoking weed while doing coke bc I have heart problems lol and not take my heart meds and MAT and other meds while on c. I will get thru this
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did abt 2 gs of coke and my testosterone shot and im doing the patch and chain vaping. i am so sweaty
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I used to post nudes of me bleeding from cutting and burning on my instagram... ive come such a long way I haven't done that since 2023. 2 years clean from traumatizing/jumpscaring people with my sh. idk i really need to focus on how far I've come instead of how far I need to go. im so much more mellow now though I will always be insane lol. my roommate said my stories r all insane n I was like yeah when youre just crazy around people all the time only other crazy ppl wanna hang. so u end up having a crazy time 24/7. which i love but has caused me so much shit 😭 Like im still getting blackout drunk and running around town but I dont get wasted at parties and make it end early bc I tried to end my life or some shit. im glad my meds finally help and make me feel semi normal. and I love my wife.
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baffled my ex friend never had any vaccines. ive had 10 flu shots and he had 0. how tf do u live to 24 when u have no flu shots. and I've had 6 covid vaccines. im p sure he had 0. im proud i stay up to date on my shots at the very least. I feel like a dog without rabies. dope
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