bridgetcona-blog

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70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

03: Do you regret anything?

04: Are you insecure?

05: What is your relationship status?

06: How do you want to die?

07: What did you last eat?

08: Played any sports?

09: Do you bite your nails?

10: When was your last physical fight?

11: Do you like someone?

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

14: Do you miss someone?

15: Have any pets?

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

18: Are you scared of spiders?

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

26: What are you craving right now?

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

30: What’s irritating you right now?

31: Does somebody love you?

32: What is your favourite color?

33: Do you have trust issues?

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

51: Favourite food?

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

54: Is cheating ever okay?

55: Are you mean?

56: How many people have you fist fought?

57: Do you believe in true love?

58: Favourite weather?

59: Do you like the snow?

60: Do you wanna get married?

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

62: What makes you happy?

63: Would you change your name?

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

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done

I am turning in my final copy to kreinbring tomorrow to get it checked over before I turn in the entire project on Friday. I literally just had a mental breakdown because it is done with, and I have so many emotions flowing through me. All this work is done with basically. I have graduated high school; everything will be okay. All of this writing and revising has turned into one final product that I am proud of. I am so happy to be done with it and be able to enjoy the last book we read without having to worry about a final exam. Make the AP Lit kids next year do this project because although it sucks, it was worth the knowledge of knowing how to look for literary criticisms and analyzing a book so in depth and making it relevant. It’s one of the most important reasons to take AP Lit. As I finish formatting my final paper, I am so proud of myself for making it through this. Basically the hardest assignment any teacher gives you in high school.

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the general introduction

Turns out doing this last was the best decision. I already know exactly what I want to talk about, and I finished my first draft today and showed it to Kreinbring, and I really feel good about this. Apparently he thought I had some good ideas, too. I am so close to being done I just want to do one more revision (ideally) and show it to him. I think that’ll be enough. The annotations were a pure breeze. The hardest part of this project is getting over the overwhelming anxiety. Besides that, this project is everything we have done before or were taught how to do. Actually, I am kind of enjoying writing the general introduction and taking everything I learned from the book and applying it to real life. It reminds me of lang and how we always looked at real, blatant arguments. However, in lit, we’re still looking for arguments, they’re just more well hidden. I think I like lit more as I realize this connection. I don't know, this is the most important and enjoyable thing I'm doing in school anymore, and although I'm still working hard at my writing, I actually feel like I'm learning instead of going into the dark and fearing failure. I’m really going to miss this class.

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the lit crit

This is the worst project. Looking back at the lit crit, that was probably the hardest assignment I have ever done in high school. In fact, this project is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in high school. Wow, high school really isn't that hard. I just feel like I am learning so much from this project; no other teacher has ever sent me to an actual library. Reading through those criticisms was so exhausting and trying to find meaning and centralize these long papers into like one or two central claims. Also, going to an actual library and looking up scholarly articles, I felt like a college student doing college work. I got lucky though because my first three criticisms I read were good and original ideas. Once I got started reading them, it wasn’t that hard to finish them because the ideas were interesting like I had never even thought about race being a factor in the book. It really opened my eyes to other interpretations and lens that people see while reading. Writing the literary criticisms wasn't even that hard either, it was like writing a paper. However, THANKS RICK FOR NOT MAKING ME AND LILA PARTNERS FOR THE ALIGNING CRITICISMS SO WE HAD TO MEET UP AT PANERA TO READ THROUGH AND CHECK THEM. WE ARENT GOING TO DO THE ELI REVIEW THO now just so u know

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stress

okay, I haven’t been blogging at all about my stress because writing this blog right now is causing me anxiety, but I’d like to say everything is going to be alright. Going through reading and finding my literary criticisms has been the worst and most stressful part of this project because I am unfamiliar with it. But I just started my annotations and explications today, and I’ve gotten almost three done during school. It’s not even stressing me out because we always do close reads and explain them, and I’m just used to doing them. It’s actually kind of enjoyable to get out all my thinking about analyzing the themes and what I think is important. I like practicing the skills I’ll need for college. I never thought I’d say this, but thanks Rick.

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Symbolism of the Shadow

Okay, a shadow is mentioned frequently throughout the book. At one point, a folktale is told, and it said the shadow showed your death approaching. The shadow represented evil in the story in seemed. But, that's not how it seems in every part that it's mentioned otherwise. Sometimes I thought it was honor. I don't know if it's inconsistent writing or if I just don't understand it always. Sometimes it seems like original sin based off the story of all the people dying. Is it supposed to be a physical symbolism of shifgrethor? An alien word that is never really literally defined in english but is something you just understand? Am i not supposed to understand the meaning of the shadow? I don't know, and it wasn't mentioned in any of my criticisms, so i don't know if i'm just imagining it or am the first person to try to tackle understanding the meaning of the shadow. I don't know how this book won an award for best science fiction novel of the year when it can't hold onto a simple act of symbolism, it leaves wasted potential on expanding on a post colonial criticism, and leaves me wondering why she switched up the chapters from some reports to different perspectives to folktales. This blog is just a ramble of confusion, and i don't know if i'll find any closure.

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Ignorant Patriotism?

Estraven describes to Genly what makes a patriot and how he feels about Karhide. In a sense, he says he tries to be ignorant about his country and the way it is run, but he also mentions that a man who follows a bad government is a fool. That’s probably why he became a “traitor” and decided to give up his career in Karhide because the King was being ignorant and selfish about not joining the Ekumen. There’s a difference between appreciating what your country has done for you and different opportunities and being patriot about your country and its values. Like I can stand up for the pledge out of respect for having the freedom of speech and other freedoms, but not say the pledge like a robot because I am not patriotic about how this government is run, its grown corrupt way of getting things done, and the media dog fight that politics usually is. Estraven acknowledges that his country exiled him, but even in Orgoreyn he holds onto Karhidish values and customs either out of habit or a respect from where he came from. I think it is more of a respect. Most Americans now have more of an ignorant patriotism which is shown through that movie we watched in ap lang about why we fight because we’re the “land of the free”, but I bet Americans wouldn't be so happy with their country if they really understood how we’re turning away refugees in need when we used to be refugees from England. It’s turning against our past and the values people always boast about like being a melting pot, but Americans always try to assimilate other cultures. The people of Karhide and Orgoreyn are happy with their countries, but they don't know that the King is manipulating them with their own fear or that the Sarf are manipulating what they hear over the radio and deal with any rebellious people who create opportunity like Genly. It just really opens up my eyes to how sketchy governments can be without the citizens of the country knowing. How can anyone support a government if they don't truly know what happens day to day? Is this really a democracy in America? Are our voices heard and informed? These are questions Le Guin puts in my head. 

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the good people turn bad

Okay, so I know I'm supposed to be exploring some themes and stuff, but I'm just pissed off at this one part of the book. The officials of Orgoreyn are supposed to be better than Karhide, and they act fake like they’re going to listen to Genly and make an alliance. But! They just used him as a possible pawn against Karhide. As soon as they realize Genly could be controversial in Orgoreyn, too, the officials give him up to the Sarf, and Genly gets taken to a work camp. He is taken to a work camp because the officials are too spineless to bring change to a country or to challenge the higher power of the Sarf. This displays a fear of the unknown that led to Genly’s escape from Karhide since they probably wouldn't join the alliance. It’s annoying that Genly is so patient with waiting for help on the alliance and trying with other people, but no one ever believes him and only see the worst in him if they're not looking at him as a political pawn. The author does this with only 100 pages left making the audience question if there is even a closure type ending to this story. And the person who is portrayed as bad the entire time, portrayed as a traitor, turns out to be the only person Genly can trust. Estraven. Obviously, Im conflicted because they took all the characters I knew and switched up their motives. This creates a frustration in the reader similar to Genly’s frustration of no one trusting him because all the drama and struggle through the last hundred pages was for nothing because the officials are spineless. This also shows how fake political officials are and only go with the popular decision to save their own butts. I'm mad.

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Because my book involves space travel, the main character, Genly, is said to be like 250 years old because he’s in hibernation as he travels from place to place. But, really where death connects in my book is the last hundred pages where Genly is stuck in a work camp and Estraven comes to save him. Then they must travel from Orgoreyn to Karhide which is about 2000 miles from where they are. Did I mention they're walking? Did I mention when Genly’s people first found out about the planet they called it Winter because of the harsh weather climate? Their chance for death was very very high. To be honest, I'm about thirty pages from finishing and they've been on this journey for about 70 pages. I wouldn't be able to guess if they were going to live or die. But they said that it would be better to die than be captured by the government, so you can see the pride in death they have in common. They don't care if they die because they're together and they've gotten away. They tried to make an alliance. They tried. Moving onto myself, I would like to say I would live more dramatic than I live now if I knew when I was going to die, but I'm not sure I would. I would want to explore, but also fear is a part of me, and living the rest of my life unlike me isn't what I want to do. I think any period of time can be fulfilling depending on what you do in that time, you could travel, develop emotional connections with other people or write a novel. As long as you follow your dreams, I think that time is spent right. Which I think its spent right for Genly and Estraven, too. Genly went to another planet and tried to make an alliance like he had always wanted. Estraven got out of his position as basically being a slave and follower to the king. They took control of their lives, and I think that’s why they're okay with dying now. They’ve done their part.

NLMG- Life

 I was reading one of Aparna’s posts, and I kind of had a little mini connection. My book has the themes of death and all, but these clones are living very short lives. They live to be about 30 before they die. And the people that are “in charge” of them teach them about things like art and sex and music and collections and friendships. It makes me wonder about Ishiguro and what he’s saying about life and the things that we value. These clones have only a few years to live, but they’re still living. And what Ishiguro has them doing is really interesting too. 

What do you guys think you’d value most if you only have 30 years to live? It’s long enough to form relationships and real emotional connections, but is it long enough to be fulfilled? Is life as is long enough to be fulfilled? 

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The Left Hand of Darkness started out really slow. Mostly because it was so confusing. I think there might have been another book before the one I'm reading now, but eventually I started to understand it. Like mine just started in the middle of a parade, not explaining why really, or why explaining any of the culture before hand. There are no flashbacks to explain how Genly was chosen or how he felt about going to another planet to try to make an alliance. You’re thrown into his world and as I'm writing about this, I can see why she did that because that’s kind of how Genly felt just going to another planet, and there must have been confusion and quarrels about his arrival. But, why does it start from two years after he arrives instead of when he arrives on the planet? My guess would probably be to show the lack of progress in the political system and to show that tensions just grew higher over time until Genly is almost forced to leave.

Oryx and Crake: Reading the Work 1

Ive started reading Oryx and Crake by Margret Atwood a few weeks ago on my way to LA. The first few pages are just so hard to get through tbh. The style Atwood uses just seems really dry to me. It really resembles the first few chapters of Handmaids Tale. I think that its just the way Atwood choses to write. I know towards the end of Handmaids tale, the story picked up a lot and it go very interesting so i know that somewhere along in this book, it will get interesting.

Trying to continue to read it while its dull is just really hard. It makes it really hard to pick it up and read and read when i keep zoning out or not thinking about what im reading. Theres some chapters that i just couldnt finish because it was just so uninteresting. I literally wrote in the book, “This chapter was so boring. I did not finish it. Finna sparknote it.” 

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My author, Ursula K. Le Guin, starts off by having just one perspective, the alien. However, as the book continues and Genly becomes closer to other characters like Estraven, the chapters will switch off between the characters even though they’ll be together and doing the same thing. Le Guin keeps this interesting by having their different cultures contrast how they think about their situation. Instead of having them from the same culture, but different personalities like the Poisonwood Bible, my author changes the cultures but brings out the similarities in their differences showing the audience how to appreciate other cultures instead of fearing them like the government does. In my book, you can tell it’s the same author writing and they communicate almost the same, but it’s just analytically different between the two characters.

The RIDICULOUS writing of The Poisonwood Bible (#1)

Barbara Kingsolver is an incredible writer. She writes from 5 different perspectives with 5 different and very clear voices. There have been times where I’ve stopped in the middle of a chapter and when I pick it up later, I can easily identify whose perspective I’m reading. It’s crazy. Kingsolver differentiates her characters’s voices by building very strong characters with different values and priorities- all contributing to unique tones. They tell the same story, but focus on different aspects. One, Rachel, is more materialistic and constantly talks about the things she misses and how angry she is to be in the Congo. Another, Leah, idolizes her father and blindly trusts in his will for a good portion of the book. She respects him like he respects God. Her twin, Adah, is always playing with words and writes with a morbid tone. The youngest sister, Ruth May, focuses on more trivial things and writes more youthfully. She often is playing with other children or watching animals. Lastly, the mother, Orleanna, writes the most sophisticatedly. She also writes more about the basic needs and her hatred towards her husband than her children. She has the least amount of chapters, but hers often resonate and move the audience the most. Kingsolver wrote this way to show from all perspectives how harmful this situation is and how selfish the father was in dragging his entire family to the Congo and even further, refusing to leave when it became even more dangerous. This furthers her overall purpose to show how detrimental it is for colonized people to try to assimilate other, uncolonized people to their culture.

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The librarian didn’t like us I guess. Oh well we tried.

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representation of traitors and corrupt governments

Okay, so remember how I said Estraven took away his support from Genly? This shouldn't be as much of a deal as it’s made out to be in the book, like Genly constantly will think about him, and Genly literally goes to another country, and Estraven turns out to be banished there. Their relationship is obviously important because it’s brought up along with the idea of traitor. As it’s discussed more, I’m thinking about traitor more as a political word to hurt someone’s reputation rather than a cemented meaning. It’s like the meaning traitor is only a perspective and most people who are called traitors (Estraven and Genly) are only outcasted either out of fear or because of closed minded people. Although Orgoreyn is seen as a better country than Karhide because of it’s government organization, but it’s more corrupt since they have the Sarf (kind of like the CIA) and they control the government beyond the officials. This sets the idea that there is no perfect government, and with the comparison of other governments or people to each other, it ruins the society because Karhide and Orgoreyn are constantly in competition. These societies are supposed to be better because they have no war and have different republics. But, there is no perfect society as seen through the inner workings of the government and the informal fights over border issues. Traitor is just used as a card by the government to united the people against a common enemy and making an example out of one person. Like Estraven didn't do anything wrong but disagree with the King (out of logic not spite), but because he had a different opinion he was taken as a traitor.

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Relationship of Gender to Society

Alright, so a little backstory, everyone on the planet of Gethen is androgynous, but during their mating cycle their body develops the sexual organs of male or female just for that small three day period, then they go back to being without sexual organs or a sexual drive. Children on Gethen aren’t raised like how children on earth are. They don’t have a connection to their parents in any sense of passed on reputation or coddling. The book dips into the brainwashing of gender roles by having the main human try to see each person as either female or male and determining which one they are more like in their actions. He’ll describe them as feminine in looks or a masculine way of dominance in a way to try to classify them. It’s a criticism on current society (at the time the book was written, but it can still be applied now) by having people look at one another by gender and setting expectations instead of seeing them as a living, individual soul. He’s trying to make sense of their actions as individuals based on their precedence as a male or female, but that’s not how their society works. It could also be interpreted to see how Americans put their culture on others in a way of coping and making it easier to understand, but in the process, losing some of the meaning of why other people are how they are. In this perfect society without gender roles and superiority based on that, it is said there is no rape, no division of stronger or weaker. It makes it harder to discriminate against people because humanity isn’t divided up by the way people look on Gethen. What a dream.

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Political Values Early On

Okay, so my book starts off with a human being (assumed) trying to make a trade alliance with the planet of Gethen (it starts in the middle of the action). After two years of being a resident, Gently finds out that the only person he trusted, Estraven, on the planet, the only person who really listened to him and believed he was an alien, was giving up arguing Genly’s cause to the king. However, Estraven explains it in a way that shows Karhide’s political values. Seeing the Ekumen (the people seeking the alliance) as a threat to his power and a new rival. Genly’s outreach is only sought after as a playing card in the political battle versus Orgoreyn (a neighboring country). This sounded really similar to like a world war setting because of fights over territories and threats to power. The King’s ignorance sets the scene of how Gently will be treated throughout the book and the main reaction to his existence on Gethen being whether or not he really is an alien and if he is telling the truth. The King represents the corruption of power over a more rational decision. The King uses the fear of the envoy to justify his aggressive outlook on the alliance. Estraven explaining why he is withdrawing his support to save his own reputation shows the political arrogance of Karhide and foreshadows the danger of the envoy or in a bigger, modern sense, it could be related to the irrational fear of immigrants being used to manipulate the people to support the wrong decision.

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the winning book for the “big boy project”

Approaching this project, I thought that I would just pick a popular, classical book assuming it would have a lot of criticisms. So, I chose 1984 by George Orwell. It was already on my list to read, so I thought I’d use this project to finally get to read it. When we went around the class sharing what books we picked, I shared it and Kreinbring immediately gave me the “Eh” look. So, yet again I was on the prowl for some fresh fiction prey. Actually, that hour I turned to Amanda and asked her for a recommendation only saying that I like science fiction and emotional stuff. About ten minutes later, she told me about The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin. It’s about a human who visits another planet and none of the beings have genders there. I haven’t gotten far in it, but I think it’ll be about clashing cultures, gender roles, and the back kind of hints at a little romance between the human and a native. I checked with Kreinbring, and I had a new book by the end of the hour. Although I am disappointed I won't be reading 1984, I'm excited to read some renown science fiction. The book has won the Hugo and Nebula awards for best science fiction novel of the year, so it can’t be a total stinker. Also, there’s quotes on the back, front, and inside cover from different newspapers and critics calling the book a masterpiece. I’m excited to read something different from the natural curriculum.

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ht blog 3

A big part of this book is perspective. Every single character has a different point of view because they all have a different purpose, Nick is a driver, the Commander's Wife does gardening to feel important, the Commander talks to Offred to feel less lonely. The Commander would see the most historical context to make sense of the story but it is not told from his perspective, it is told from a limited view. That is why the historical notes section is needed at the end of the book to clear up some of the plot from a broader perspective. In one of my DJ's, Offred literally explains this problem through the metaphor of her face being pressed up against glass, so she only sees a small part, not the whole picture. This is emphasized through her way of talking through snapshots of the past instead of being clearly organized. She doesn't have the whole picture. But I believe Atwood chose to make HT from her perspective not just because it's the title, but because of her affect on other characters. People envy the attention she gets. People hate that she chose to live a life that has sex with married men. This makes her interactions with every person special while showing the mental turmoil of being lonely and used.