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You're not lazy.

*beep* Struggling to get out of bed doesn't mean you're lazy, it means you're struggling.

Forgetting to do a task doesn't mean you're lazy, it means you forgot.

Wanting to get up to clean but being unable to doesn't mean you're lazy, it means you're unable to do it. *beep*

Sleeping in doesn't mean you're lazy, it means you slept in.

*beep* Being unable to shower when you're unwell doesn't mean you're lazy, it means you're unwell.

The only point at which you would be "lazy", is if:

You're fully capable of doing the thing.

There is no physical, mental or emotional reasons stopping you from doing the thing. You also have enough time to complete the thing and no other responsibility that should come first.

You know it's going to inconvenience you (or others) if you don't.

You still actively make the decision not to do it.

There is no or close to no feelings of "remorse" about not doing the thing.

*beep* You're allowed to forget, to have your mind's and body's needs get in the way, to be unwell. *beep* You deserve to have your inhibitions be acknowledged, to "go through stuff" and not have your struggles invalidated with a "lazy" label plastered all over you.

So don't insult yourself... you're not lazy, you're human.

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Mhhh, I could get used to setting boundaries with people who like to walk all over me. They’re always so startled, like “you have a voice?” and it feels good. Like, yes, motherfucker, I DO have a voice and I’m relearning how to use it. You’d better get used to it. It’s not going anywhere.

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I'm not "giving up" or "being negative" I'm adjusting to my reality - which is actually a lot healthier than repeatedly pushing myself past my limits and then getting mad at myself when it doesn't work.

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Maybe you had to grow up learning, even from small things and acts of carelessness, that others were more important than you, that it was never your turn to be prioritized or provided for unconditionally: it felt like you always had to prove you were worthy of such attention, and that you were too needy. I want to remind you once again that that's not true: you were only asking for what you deserved, and was due to you, but for reasons that weren't (and aren't) under your control (very likely your caregivers unhealed and uncovered traumas), you couldn't receive.

If now you really want to be loved and chosen, to be put first, but at the same time you're scared to let people in and end up in the same old situation, it's okay. It's normal to be willing to experience a certain type of love we missed and at the same time be scared of not being worthy or it not being real or for us. Remind yourself this fear is only cause by this terrible, heart shattering habit you were put under your whole life (or most of it), and it's were your unconscious mind wants to keep you cause it feels safe and known (despite it being so painful). You're deserving of love, of being chosen, of receiving all you missed. It's time to let this happen for you, let this in your life. To give yourself a chance. Maybe you won't succeed at the first try, maybe a bunch of people will still be leaving you, but please, at least choose yourself. Do everything you can to be in love with yourself and aware of your worth and lovability. Someone willing to give you the moon and all the stars, will arrive. Be faithful. It wasn't you, and it's still not you the problem.

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There is a huge difference between someone needing to take some space to calm down/gather their thoughts, and someone intentionally giving you the silent treatment as punishment.

The first one generally has at least some communication to start like "I need some space right now" or "I'm feeling overwhelmed and I can't talk to you about this right now." A lot of the time, the person will let you know that while they might be going quiet, it's due to their own mental state.

The second one may not have any sort of communication, or the communication may be harsh and meant to hurt you.

Please know these aren't absolutes. People are different and show things differently. The first examples still have room for manipulation. And sometimes people may shut down and not be able to speak when they're overwhelmed and it isn't meant to give you the silent treatment. Pay attention to someone's behaviour and not just what they say. I'm just wanting to encourage you to be aware and mindful. You don't deserve to be given the silent treatment as punishment. But other people do have the right to take some space to calm down. Knowing the difference is hard, and maybe it's something you should both talk about when you are calm. Planning out how you want to handle disagreements when you're calm might prove really useful.

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When you're vulnerable around the person you trust or love, I hope you aren't embarrassed about it after the fact. I hope you aren't embarrassed about the way you were vulnerable.

When my friends come to me in a vulnerable moment, I know I don't think about the way they look when they cry, or if their breathing is erratic, or how they say what they are saying. I think about the trust that goes into them exposing their heart like that. I think about the love that went into our friendship. Those superficial thoughts won't cross my mind because that isn't what matters. They are what matters. And that's what I mean. It's never embarrassing to look back on those moments because there was nothing but love under that pain.

The culture we live in shames us for being vulnerable. But we cannot be a stoic person all the time. Eventually, we will be vulnerable, and I hope you don't feel shame for that. Your loved ones won't love you less because you're a human person with human feelings. They love you because you're a human person with human feelings.

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“I’ve found that growing up means being honest. About what I want. What I need. What I feel. Who I am.”

— Epiphany

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Be so fucking proud of yourself for passing the hardest moments alone while everyone believed you were fine.

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“We think that forgiveness is weakness, but it’s absolutely not; it takes a very strong person to forgive.”

— T.D. Jakes

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Never beg anyone for anything, not time, not attention, not love – nothing. If it's always one-sided and it doesn't flow that's your sign to let it go.

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Normalize not forcing people to choose you. If they think they can find better elsewhere – let them. Respectfully.

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““Everything’s a risk. Not doing anything is a risk. It’s up to you.” - Nicola Yoon”

—

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“When you love someone you protect them from the pain, you don’t become the cause of it.”

— Unknown

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Never stop being a good person because of bad people.

Unknown