brokenbones-singsongs

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Let me teach you.

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“If you have been brutally broken, but still have the courage to be gentle to others then you deserve a love deeper than the ocean itself.”

— Nikita Gill

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“I know I probably don’t cross your mind much anymore but I hope someday you see something that reminds you of me and the things we use to spend hours talking about at night and then your throat gets tight and your heart skips a beat and you finally miss me back.”

— I miss you so much

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Jonathan Safran Foer, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

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How many years until I stop wanting to cry and throw up every time I am touched?

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via radiantsomatics

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Sometimes I think about the day I stood on the deck of a cruise ship at 6:00am and thought about jumping off.

And sometimes I think about the afternoon I tried to eat a bottle of ibuprofen.

I think about all the times I wondered what would happen if I just let go of a steering wheel or pulled out into traffic.

About all those times I could’ve jumped off of cliff faces and buildings be it in NYC or Asheville

And then I think about how grateful I am that I didn’t.

These days, most of those thoughts are intrusive and fleeting.

They come and go like a passing wind and are forgotten as quickly as they came

Forgotten until the dead of night when I remember there were days they lived on in a relentless and taunting chant.

I don’t know when I stopped feeling so broken.

I don’t know when it stopped being so hard to wake up in the mornings and fall asleep at night.

I don’t know when the weight of living stopped making me feel as though one-more-thing would be the end of me.

I dreamed and dreamed of the day my life could fall apart and it wouldn’t stop me from living.

I wished for a day I could take a deep breath and conquer the mountains that stretched on into the heavens with a smile on my face.

And sure, maybe I don’t always smile and sometimes there’s enough anxiety to keep me frozen in place for a moment or twenty

But I go and do the things anyway.

And when I remember the girl on the deck of the cruise ship, in traffic, on cliffs, and the edges of skyscrapers

I imagine the hope she carried was her 28 year old self stretching a hand back through time

And I am grateful she held on.

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I haven’t shaved in like three weeks because razors cost money and I have no dollars to my name.

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reblog to give the person you reblogged this from a fucking break

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Me:

Has a really good workout, albeit hard.

Feels accomplished.

Immediately sobs and gets depressed as shit every time I get in my car after.

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my interests include rough sex and compassion for animals

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life is fucking me from every which way and brother i am certainly not enjoying it

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I wonder what my life would look like now if I had loved myself more at 23.

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Another instance of bored out of my mind at work

1. What have you eaten today?

A banana

2. Who was your last kiss with? Was it pleasant?

Phil. I guess so. Just told him goodbye before work.

3. What color shoes did you last wear?

Black and white checkered vans

4. Who has made you laugh the hardest in the last week?

Myself

5. What is your favorite scent?

Vetiver

6. What is your favorite season? Why?

Fall. Everything is crispy and gold and orange and it’s spooky season

7. Can you do a handstand or cartwheel?

Both

8. What color are your nails?

Just natural for noq

9. If you had to get a tattoo on your face to save your life, what would it be?

A freckle

10. What is something you find romantic?

A lot of things. Mostly someone keeping track of all of the little things. How you take your coffee, what food you like from certain restaurants, etc.

11. Are you happy?

I am

12. Is there anything in particular making you happy or sad?

A lot of things in both departments.

13. Dogs or Cats?

Dogs

15. Which do you prefer:a museum, a night club, the forest or a library?

Between a museum and a library

15. What is your style?

Whatever’s comfy. I wear a lot of simple flowy things. Leggings and jean jackets, cardigans, etc.

16. If you could be doing anything you like right now, what would it be? I’d still be in my bed asleep.

17. Are you in a relationship or single?

Engaged.

18. What makes you attracted to the person you like right now?

He’s patient with me, calm, levelheaded, very smart, takes care of himself, a wonderful dad, he’s attentive, he loves me…

19. If you could replace your partner/best friend with a celebrity of your choice, would you? Who with?

I wouldn’t replace her. I don’t think anyone could. But I would still absolutely love to be friends with Emma stone

20. Are you holding on to something you need to let go of? If so then what?

A laundry list of things. The biggest one is thinking I’ll ever get any closure from keegan.

21. How did you celebrate last Halloween?

We didn’t.

22. Have you recently made any big decisions?

I quit my job.

23. Were you ever in a school play?

A few! I loved every single one of them.

24. What movie would you use to describe your life?

There’s none that really accurately portray this mess. I really resonated with perks of being a wallflower when it came out though.

25. Is there something you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I want to own my own coffee shop. I don’t because it’s expensive.

26. Complete this sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

I think I actually have everyone I could ever want to share anything with in my life now.

27. What are two things that irritate you about the same sex?

The catty need to tear each other down and insult things we can’t help about ourselves.

The few of us who bow down to the patriarchy and think there is no need for equality and women’s rights.

28. What are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex?

Their inability to understand that No is a full and complete sentence

They think only with their dicks

29. What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

I found a place full of cute ass clothes that actually fit normal sized women.

30. What is something that makes you sad when you think about it?

All of the hard decisions I’ve made that have hurt others even if I was doing the best I could with what I had.

31. How long was your longest relationship?

Four years.

32. Have you ever been in love?

More than once

33. Are you currently in love?

I am

34. Why did your last relationship end?

Lmao where to begin…

35. What jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it?

Earrings I think I bought myself and an engagement ring from my fiancé via Etsy.

36. When was the last time you cried and why?

Yesterday over a TikTok

37. Name someone pretty.

My best friend 🥰

38. What did you receive last Valentines Day?

I didn’t.

39. Do you get jealous easily?

I don’t like to think so but….

40. Have you ever been cheated on?

I have a sneaky suspicion but I’ve chosen not to try and find out.

41. Do you trust your partner/best friend?

100%

42. Ever had detention?

A few times

43. Would you rather live in the countryside or the city?

The city

44. What do people call you?

Sierrah, Twin, Mama, Sweetie, Babe, Watson, Dr. Watson, Sissy, Friend, Girl Child

45. What was the last book you read?

Empire Of Storms by Sarah Maas

46. How big of a nerd/dork are you?

I’m a giant nerd about certain things

47. What kind of music do you listen to?

A little of everything, but most of my playlist is indie alternative

48. How tall are you?

5’ 2.5”

49. Do you like kids?

I do

50. Favorite fruits?

Watermelon, cantaloupe, purple grapes

51. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Leggings

52. What’s your earliest memory?

My fourth birthday when I was given Ricky raccoon and had a cupcake train as a birthday cake

53. Ever had a poem or song written about you or to you?

There’s a song out there…

“Do you wanna run? Do you wanna drive? Do you wanna get away and start over? Do you wanna begin again…”

54. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Equal amounts of both

55. Do you have a collection of anything?

Miniature pianos, playbills, pins, different editions of Peter Pan, You Are Here mugs from Starbucks…

56. Do you save money or spend it?

Both.

57. What would your dream house be like?

One of those timeless homes with a big green grassy yard and towering oak trees like in the movies we watched as kids.

58. What top 5 things make you the angriest?

Infidelity, lies, abusive people, rampant stupidity, being micromanaged

59. What top 5 things always brings a smile to your face?

My son, any time spent with my best friend, snow, Broadway shows, seeing the mountains.

60. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog. I’ll get another job.

61. 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I would tell everyone. I’d spend the rest of my days trying to do everything I ever wanted and I’d bring along anyone who would be willing to go with me. I don’t think I’d be afraid. Death is but the next great adventure.

62. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

That squishy organ in our chests.

63. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

I’v always wanted to see Paris

64. Do you like the beach?

I di

65. Ever sleep on the couch or a bed with someone special?

Both

66. Do you have a middle name? If so what is it?

Marie

67. Do you talk to yourself?

All the time

68. Describe your hair.

It’s very fine, I have a shit ton of it, and it’s currently 15 shades of red/brown/blonde/caramel

69. What is the meaning of life.

To live

70. What is your ideal partner like?

I’m with him and I explained above what I love about him.

71. Do you want to get married?

I am next February.

72. Do you want to have kids?

I have one, undecided on whether we’ll try for another.

73. Like or dislike your family?

I like some, dislike others

74. Are you Chunky or Slim?

Leaning more chunky these days

75. Would you consider yourself smart?

Yes

76. What would you change about your life?

I wouldn’t. I mean I would like to be be financially secure but that’s it

77. Religious or Not?

No

78. You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

This would never happen

79. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

No

80. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

Every single day

81. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

We’d be asleep

82. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? He lives with me so yeah

83. Do you like when people play with your hair? It’s my favorite thing

84. Do you like bubble baths? I LOVE them

85. Have you ever been pulled over by a cop?

Twice

86. Have you ever danced in the rain?

More than once

87. Do you trust anyone with your life?

Several people

88. What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

Fuck.

89. If money wasn’t an issue, what top 10 places would you travel to? (You get to stay at each place for a week)

Seattle, NYC, Australia, Paris, Switzerland, Norway, Italy, Ireland, England, hawaii

90. How was your day today?

Quiet

91. Play an instrument?

A little piano

92. Describe the what you think of the ocean.

I think it’s beautiful and a force to be reckoned with. Spending time in front of it always feels like a reset button on life.

93. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

Both.

94. Honestly, are things how you wanted them to be?

No, but things are good. I’ve given up on trying to plan the future. It is never really what we think it will be.

95. Do you have a mean bitchy scary side?

I do, but I rarely let it out

96. When are you vulnerable?

It just depends

97. How much free time do you have?

No much

98. Do you like to go hiking?

Very much

99. Odd or Even Numbers?

Even

100. Would you ever go sky diving, bungee jumping , cliff diving, wing suit gliding, parasailing, snorkeling, or other extreme activities?

All of the above and more