brokenbustedbus

[brokenbustedbus]

A Liar :

I once promised us the world,

but I see you’re the type of

person who only wants someone

with rags and riches. Downplayed

my head of the comments you

released to poison my ever twitching

mind. A mask of a man who was in

disguise, a heart that only had stones

to throw at mine. Time after time I’m

still the dancing clown. Tell your friends

and family it’s my fault, well no, you just

got caught. It went from your best friends

baby daddy to the man you’ve set a golden

eye on. I wonder if I was ever the one?

I tried my best to heal your demons and make them

mine, but my ancestors kept denying —

they were right. All you were was a liar, a game

changer. Someone who will never be able to

remove my apple from this forbidden tree again.

— Written by: Me.

[brokenbustedbus]

why me. why do i never get to smell the roses or see the greener grass on the other side. why do they all hurt me. beg me to stay, so they can hurt me more. why does my beauty have to go through emotional pain. do you not love me the way i do. do you not see me the way i see you? my heart breaks. at each i love you, that isn’t to me. do you play me as a fool? do you think i’m dumb, or do you think i’ll forever sit on this rock waiting for you to wake up. i can’t love you. you cheated. 2 times. broke me.

[brokenbustedbus]

my walls crashed in the burning of your secrets. my hands shook as i held your phone. yet, you were sleeping so peaceful. as if my world has not yet came crashing down on me, right in my face. i questioned you for so long, and here i am, still questioning what you’re doing and what you’ve done. love doesn’t have to feel this way. our hearts don’t always mesh correctly. my mind is telling me one thing but my soul is telling me NO.

[brokenbustedbus]

my body:

never did i think this kingdom could be so broken, but it was him who hurt you with the lies and the extensive showers. once i joined his games i then got to see into the world he believed i didn’t know about… foolish lies your body isn’t just for my eyes. your hands aren’t only on mine, and i’m not man enough in your mind. yet i sent my body to your phone to see the dark world you live in. i wish i didn’t. i went against all my morals, and now i’m stuck on a ship that is close to sailing.

[brokenbustedbus]

this is called: You can let it all go.

my heart is filled with cold gold. the one that when it goes on your neck it gives you a quick slither. my hands carried a lot of stone and my mind has graves dug 15 feet down. for my corpse. i see the dead me - begging for what he desired for so long. love.

[brokenbustedbus]

i once said i love you. while we were on the highest of the highest high of our time. until the ash burned more and the blunt became old. you and i faded with time. filled with hate. became raging soldiers against one another. but our fingers can point and play blame, but we simply didn’t know how to love. our word’s poison our ears. fire spit out of mouths and we became filled with rebellion.

[brokenbustedbus]

truth -

i break at the sight of the couch, because i know i can never be as comfortable as it. i try to get you to understand the love i have for you, but you seem to forget that i’m human. i’ve cried countless nights - hoping, but i’ll never be able to stop overthinking. would you have forgiven me so easily if the shoes were on the other foot? i break when i see you sleeping so peacefully not next to me, because what could i have done so wrong that you still chose differently. it’s almost as if i cheated because you’ve become so distant. like the roles are reversed. yet, when i mention it i’m crazy for having emotion? i’m breaking like an egg that wasn’t truthfully taken care - it’s just the excuse that holds the band-aide together. my hands are becoming more slippery because holding onto to yours gives me PTSD.

— Dylon Caleb

[brokenbustedbus]

i feel alone. more so when i attempt to love you, but when i get pushed away my bones can’t bare to stay in place. my heart tries to find every way out of my rig cage, but i lock him up in a prison of no escape. i feed him nothing but fears and tears. i overthink at the situation that you still are fooling around - yet you can’t hear what i’m saying in the best of faith. it’s like i sing gospel to you and you she’d hate. you say i’m negative, but when have you ever been in a positive place? i feel i’m wrong all the time now because my brain just can’t think. my brain actually sailed away the day my dad said “don’t be a fool and date.” my body hurts, my heart aches and my brains dead.

[brokenbustedbus]

hate -

this pain runs through my veins, makes me dislike you like an array of rainbows trying to fill my mind with light. dark-ness, you fill me with a void. you make my heart skip beats for all the wrong reasons - i don’t like you, but i’m forced to be around you. your hands can only hold mine for less than 5 minutes, your smile fades at every word leaking from your smokey breath. weed controls you. you can’t live without it. like it needs to narrate your life. i’ve never cheated on you, but the thought passes my mind more than often. more than i want it to. because i’m miserable, and when i tell you why i can’t trust you it’s somehow my fault. like i hurt you first. you broke my trust. my mind, my dignity, morals… what else — oh yeah my heart. that’s the reason it can’t beat correctly, because my trust for you goes as far as water falling down a waterfall. not far at all. it comes to an end, and the moment i feel i can trust you, you prove to me again that you’re still a whore. might as well call you build-a-bitch. because there are many like you. many in the sea and there are few of me. rare beauties. i never wish evil, but i hope you find someone who constantly breaks your heart. gives you a reason to not trust. sadly, miserable people like miserable people. am i…? no. i just love the wrong people deeply and push those who truly love me away.

[brokenbustedbus]

suffering —

the pain i go through of always being the one to change, but the only thing you can throw in my face is that you’re no longer and alcoholic. you shun me for everything. my natural self. you’re narcissistic ways blow through my emotional smile. you make me feel hate for another person so badly i can break. break myself in my own mind. my mental health devours my brain questioning why i still stay. with you. someone who sees beauty in other men. oh and yesterday i did see you check out that dudes butt. jealousy wouldn’t be a thing if you didn’t give me a reason, but you cheated, and who knows, you still cheat.

[brokenbustedbus]

a-void-dense:

it’s almost 11P again but you went to bed early. for another row in a night that i can’t quite keep up with. my mind races at thoughts that you make me feel crazy about. why did you have to cheat on me. why did i have to catch you. another one. who broke my soul because i love to hard and give to much. i beat myself up thinking you’ve changed, but i can’t trust it when i catch you in so many lies. that you make me feel bad about, but you did this to me. you brought out the overthinking because i once trusted you so much - how. you avoid me in every moment you got. staying at work late. setting alarms to get out of bed the moment i get in. you leave this void in me that has me dreaming the craziest things. when i was assaulted i needed you the most, but every moment you got to escape for a cigarette you were gone. every lonely moment i felt alone. every please help was an argument. i just needed someone by my side. my heart is now weak. my murmur has just begun. will i always be this hopeless fuck up. will i ever get the chance to love?

[brokenbustedbus]

it’s us against the fucking world:

it’s you and i — you once lied. i believe to gullible like my mom when she gave my father multiple tries. he too like you was broken inside. yet, i followed her “love” like it was a pathway to the golden gate bridge. no, she didn’t teach love wrong, she just had a big heart that trusted demons such as you. she too was once beautiful inside, but we will never know because she has bruises that coincide. her walls i see why they’re built so high. her trust for anyone is diminished. i look at her cry and i to feel her pain inside. i wanted to be different, but growing up broken never showed me what a man should really be. i tried to learn differently, but fell into the hands of other broken men who didn’t love themselves. but i look at my oma who is so deeply in love, sadly those love stories have seemed to fade as everyone my age seems to be a little broken inside. or maybe it’s men have to much pride to talk about what’s happening in there mind. maybe it’s me but when i speak others tell me i’m logically thinking. i turned to weed once. okay maybe a few times. just to numb the pain of other broken ones, or maybe it was to numb the pain of each belt lash being taken out on my little body because my dad too wasn’t okay. pride. it can turn into a disgusting thing. something so mighty truly breaks who you really once were or who you wanted to be. i broke generational curses, but i’m a healer who enter other hurt peoples lives. to try to fix what can’t be fixed by me, but only themselves. am i a hopeless romantic or do i to have trauma that’s not yet healed? i’m sorry.

[brokenbustedbus]

our love story met with envy. our hearts that once could fill lakes now are full of mud. our kisses burned by every “sorry” and my heart is like a glass ready to shatter. i’m broke. we’re not meant to be, but i still fight my own mind thinking i’m wrong, but yet, everyone says otherwise. you make me feel crazy or seem like i’m insane, but what are you deep inside your pits of lava. you poured your insecurities on me like i was a pirate looking for lost treasure. you lie to me daily just for me to hopelessly believe the next untold lie.

[brokenbustedbus]

fantasied:

i felt or thought you were the one who would sweep me off my feet, make everything feel complete, but instead you showed me love to devour it when i put a ring on your finger. i look in the mirror and see a boy who’s still broken, and not yet healed, because i fear to be alone. although people say be that, it’s easier said than done when all i’ve done in my life is fight for one to see eye to eye. i’ve been met with bruises, betrayal and defeat. i hate this life you see, but i still give hope to hopeless romantics like myself. i still believe one day prince charming will take me away to castle that’s ours and i’m still left with disappointment. my heart beats faster when every “change” is brought with anger. every demon you’ve faced thrown in my face and now i have extra obstacles to learn how to untrace. because love shouldn’t hurt this way. yet i’m hurt this way. your love yous filled with lies and cheats. i feel you’ll change, but fantasize the day you’ll actually change. i’ll never get to see it. i’m still that boy sitting on a stone waiting for the day, but i’m that sheep that’s never been loved the proper way. i’ve always given what i assumed love should look like, but some days i’m just like the rest of the depressed folks sitting on that stone waiting for my soul to bring me smiley faces. i fantasize a lot, but a broken heart always seems to follow. i’ve changed myself for so many many men that i’m literally glass ready to be shattered because who am i? i know my name. i can sing the ABCS, but when you ask who is Dylon i fail to tell people he’s a turtles shell with an abandoned skin.

[brokenbustedbus]

i once loved you like the ocean loved seeing how far it’s wave could go inland. the flowers smelt more bliss and they seemed to stand a little taller. our hands once held on for dear life - which ended up getting hit lost in the headlights. our eyes once lined began to drift away like the Euphrates river in todays age. nothing left but two broke souls attempting to make the already painstaking love last. our vibes don’t even match ; if it isn’t better today it won’t get better over multiple days. i once loved the way you smiled at me now i’m crying about you. goodbye. to the love that wasn’t meant to be.