brokenheartedgal
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as i was at my new work, i had to go through the name of the guest list and say it out loud to my colleague. and then i saw someone with the same name as yours, ever since our break up, it was the first time i said your name out loud. the same name that used to give me joy, gave me pain as i was saying it.
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i cant believe id come back to this acc again, im back here again after two years for the same ol reason
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Today i spent few hours cleaning. It was hectic but also therapeutic at the same time. Took a nice warm shower, changed my bed sheets and cooked food for me and my brother. Gonna enjoy my drama now with my fav strawberry n cream ice cream. c:
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I’ve been thinking about how thin I can get so then maybe you’ll take me with you. If I take up less space maybe you’ll find room for me in your life. If I close my mouth more and the room doesn’t fill with words we don’t mean I won’t be able to hold you accountable for feelings you never had to begin with. Maybe if I can squeeze into a double small you’ll find somewhere for me in your arms, you’ll find a place for me to drown in your thoughts. And you’ll think “wow she doesn’t take up much room at all” maybe if my physical self wouldn’t drown on a sentence of ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘are you mad at me?’ you’d find a place for me to go with you; a place for me in you. And maybe just maybe there’d be a home for me. And maybe just fucking maybe I’d be enough. I’d have to stop searching for love where it doesn’t exist and you’d see that I only do the things I do because more than anything I want you to love me too. More than anything I want you. I keep looking for something and I think I’m dying because this can’t be living. Should I keep searching for some kind of meaning?
Is there a point to this? March 2020
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Gonna listen to abel’s song n get drunk tonight
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