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Ok so! Small update:

I finish finals tomorrow! I’m moving out of my dorm on the 8th, so I have a few days but I need to pack all of my stuff for then. Not only that, but some good news: I got an internship! I’ll be working 40+ hours a week (but it’ll be worth it bc $16/hr job is so good like holy fuck) so I can pay rent when I move into an apartment in august. I’ll try to be active after finals!

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I’m gonna be honest, the only game’s Ive seen were 2, 3, 7, and 8. I’m tempted to watch the others because not knowing the full story? Mmmm it irks me

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slides in and tap dances a little

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What Chess Piece Represents You?

Black Pawn

You are a black pawn. Don't let pawn be misleading, this means you're full of potential. Being the pawn, you're one of two pieces that can move first. But since you're black, you're always one step behind white. Who is it that you're trying to catch up to so badly? Black doesn't always mean you have to be in someone else's shadow. If anything, it means that you can be one step ahead of them, hiding intelligence that no one would consider you even have. Be careful how you use this information because alone a pawn is easy to fall but too smothered and you won't be able to move. Regardless, you'll become a force of nature by the end of your journey. What would you sacrifice along the way, is perhaps a better question than what will you become at the end.

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wiggles

tis my birthday now

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Malyen Oretsev in Ruin and Rising (Leigh Bardugo)

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Which Obscure Love Language Are You?

sending memes at 2am to start conversations that you're scared to admit you need

okay, so maybe you're not ready to tell them how you feel yet, but that's okay. you like to take things inch by inch- throwing out hints to your crushes in the hopes that they'll give away if they feel the same or take the lead. you feel no rush in jumping in to things- a relationship will form in it's own time. and though a part of you is scared that you're not ready to love someone in full yet, or be loved like that, sometimes it's important to make that first move. you might miss out on something special.

Tagged by: Stole from @amanmolded​

Tagging: UHHH you that’s reading

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lordheis​:

” goodbye, father. “ the phrase would repeat in his mind, a plaguing nightmare of a memory that shook the man to his very core, awakening him in the bleakest hours of nightfall. night terrors were no stranger to him, but they had shown their ruthlessness in the many months since miranda’s death and the destruction of that damned village. ethan, rosemary, and chris. they were all free ; he was free … and for what ? glistening promises of freedom and resolution meant nothing without nikolai. an assistant — no, far more than that ; one of his own, a piece of himself, a part of his very soul. a son. ( miranda may be gone but she smiles upon you now, for you honor her in your suffering. you failed to protect him ; now weep. ) how many times would he be tormented until the pain and fear gave way ; sympathetic enough to finally kill his old heart ? such existence was bitter and cruel, but all the same, rewarding in ways that were beyond his comprehension: despite everything, heisenberg tried to live for nikolai. ethan, strangely, became a close friend, and chris an ally. karl even grew to care for the little rosemary — there was so much to appreciate now, so much to be proud of, but everything stung with the reminder that one was always missing.  heisenberg’s new home was a fairly modest cottage ; one intentionally isolated, falling quiet each evening as the man would settle in with the creaking wood and dated furniture. his features drooped with exhausted drear, alone in his thoughts, and it was the raps at the front door that caused him to perk up in his seat.   when the door opened, it revealed an older man: one who once properly resembled the might and power of the legendary ‘ iron lord. ‘ it was the same face, but in observation, much had changed. grey waves of hair tussled gently about the lengths of his shoulders, far longer than before — his beard fuller, face softer, eyes gentler. he bore no hat or shades ; there was nothing to hide him now, nothing at all to cover the gut-wrenching expression that changed his features. lips parted as the man let out a sharp gasp — the air seemed to be unfairly ripped from his lungs and he quickly clamped a scarred hand over his now gaping mouth.  “ … oh — oh my god. “ as nikolai steps backwards, heisenberg steps forward. hands extend, hesitantly so, as if they are scared to test his doubts and challenge if the other is really there. sure enough, they clasp down on the boy’s shoulders, and karl takes a few seconds to blink ; his eyes beginning to well up with a wetness that was not there just moments ago. “ n — nikolai. nikolai. it’s really you, nikolai. “ and karl does not hesitate, not for a moment. he pulls the boy into his grasp, the familiar strength of bulky arms wrapping around nikolai’s frame and clasping to his back. a real hug — had they ever shared one like this before ? “ thank god, m — my boy … i thought i had lost you for —  for good. how did you … ?! “ the end of the question is broken to pieces by a single sob ; a noise erupting from deep within him. heisenberg stifles it the best he can, pressing his own face against the crook of nikolai’s shoulder and taking a slow breath. there would be time for answers later, but none of that mattered. ( not right now, with his boy. karl held him in his own arms, and that was all he answer he ever needed. )

How long had it been, truly? Nikolai almost didn’t recognize the iron lord right in front of him, the longer hair, the softer and gentler expressions nearly made Nikolai say that no, this wasn’t Karl Heisenberg. Yet it was the look of disbelief, the reaction like he was punched in the chest, that made the younger assistant know what it was the man he called his father seconds, not even seconds, before his supposed death.

Karl’s health seemed to be stark contrast to Nikolai’s. He seemed more gaunt, his cheek bones a little more prominent and darker circles under his eyes. Yet there seemed to be more, instead of the neutral look that was always there, one that seemed to be icy and cold, it was... anxious. Like a lost child trying to find his way home. His form looked wearier and even the slightest bit skinnier, his body wearing down from its past death, waking up, and barely getting through on the journey.

Was he really alive, though?

“Yeah... I-I think it’s me...”

He took a shaky breath in, nearly flinching at the touch to his shoulders. Yet the tenseness immediately relaxed. There wasn’t any current flowing right now, he didn’t need it to, otherwise Karl would have felt the sharp spark flow into his fingers like touching a doorknob and getting static shock.

Yet his body tensed again at the hug, eyes wide and hands hovering, unsure. He was never hugged like this in his life. Markus hugged him with laughter and smiles. Holly held him and uttered his name once. Now Karl held him with tears and so tight to make sure Nikolai didn’t leave in a blink of an eye like he did before. Yet the realization of it all being real, of finally being back in a father’s arms, that he was truly free from his past pain and suffering...

Nikolai clung to Karl like his life depended on it, grabbing fistfulls of the back of the elder’s shirt as tears spring and fall down his exhausted face. When has he cried last? Decades ago? When life wanted to be ugly and took everything, so a little boy didn’t know what to do but cry.

“I don’t— I don’t know... I-I just woke up, I didn’t know what happened besides the— the detonator-!” His voice broke and quivered, much less put together. He was so strong when he uttered his supposedly last goodbye, dying with a smile on his face. Now that he was alive and free, the weight that lifted off his shoulders made his resolve crumble.

“This— This is real? We’re fine? We... we’re free, right? And alive?” He couldn’t help but ask through his own sobs, needing the confirmation before he felt like he could finally rest, safe in his father’s arms.

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HOW DO YOU NEED TO BE LOVED?

like a child loves the rain

you need to be loved in happiness and foolishness. a puppy love, a love so purely good, so full of happiness it makes your stomach ache. you need to be loved in a way that reminds you of the childhood you didn’t get to have. you need to be loved as if you’re feeling the rain fall upon your cheeks for the first time. refreshing, and clean.

Tagged by: @lordheis​ Tagging: YOU

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THIS SONG FUCKS AND FITS NIKOLAI SO MUCH

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* the kid starters

the kid is a novel by sapphire. tw: violence, blood and self-harm.

‘ got a jacket? ’

‘ come on, be brave. ’ 

‘ sit up, baby. ’

‘ we’ll take care of you. ’

‘ my heart is sick and sad. ’

‘ i’m going to tell you a little story. ’

‘ i help you. so i want to know you. ’

‘ you got a little bloody nose and a black eye. ’

‘ don’t talk like that. you’re a kid. no matter how bad it’s been, you’re still young. ’

‘ you don’t feel good? ’

‘ well, then get back in bed and go to sleep. ’

‘ you’ll run away or fight – hurt yourself or somebody else. ’

‘ what? who you talking to? don’t ‘ what ’ me! ’

‘ see there, you care about a lot. ’

‘ where am i? ’

‘ i don’t want to sit down. ’

‘ everything you do, put your heart into it. ’

‘ how long i been here? ’

‘ you alright, buddy? ’

‘ maybe you have some depression or post-traumatic stress, maybe. and that’s not so strange, considering what you’ve been through. ’ 

‘ you want the radio? ’

‘ i just need to eat and drink plenty of water. ’ 

‘ i’m so fucking sleepy right now. ’

‘ look, i’m leaving. ’

‘ you trying to make me feel stupid? ’

‘ i did it to myself. ’

‘ i want to go back to sleep. ’

‘ why did you bite yourself! ’

‘ what’s going on here? ’

‘ you think you control everything. ’

‘ and i’ll put you six feet under. ’

‘ i went to sleep thursday? slept twenty-four hours away? ’

‘ i convinced myself i was special. ’

‘ no, it’s not like that. ’

‘ shit, i wanna see it. ’

‘ this is how it ends? ’

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“If we’re bullying Karl again...” He’s drawn small dicks (in pencil) in Karl’s design notebook.

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What Is Your Muse’s Aesthetic Color?

Oxblood

You are fearless, honest, and you stick to your guns. You pride yourself on your honesty, and on being true to your values even in difficult situations. Others admire your grit, and those who can handle it appreciate your bluntness. Your friendships are ride-or-die, and your loved ones would destroy the goddamn sun for you. To put it simply: you're lowkey punk. Just remember that softness is not the same as weakness, and that it's ok to be a little more forgiving-- toward others, but also toward yourself.

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𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚃𝚂.

𝐺𝐸𝑁𝐸𝑅𝐴𝐿

name: Nikolai Axel Haas alias(es): the assistant, Niko gender: demiboy (he/they) age: physically, 20. he stopped aging around then, but has been alive for 56 years date of birth: November 10th, 1967 place of birth: Germany hometown: Munich languages: fluent in German, English, and Romanian. Some nuns wanted the kids in the orphanage to learn 2 other languages. Thankfully he chose correctly with Romanian. sexual orientation:  Demisexual occupation: Assistant to the lords, specifically Karl Heisenberg. However, if called upon, he will aid the others as well.

𝐴𝑃𝑃𝐸𝐴𝑅𝐴𝑁𝐶𝐸

eye color: Once a bright green, but now a muddy color between brown and green. hair color: A dark brown, umber, that nearly looks black. height: 5′9″ weight: 169 lbs, slim and all muscle. scars: Two on his face from Sturm, along with ones on his right forearm. One on his left bicep is from a rowdy lycan with ones raking his right side. One on his shoulder is from a factory incident with scrap metal, and the one on his stomach is also from reckless factory work. The largest on his chest and back are akin to autopsy scars, from when the cadou was inserted into his torso. burns: A large one on his side covering a part of the lycan scar. Sturm caught on fire when he attacked him the same time with the face and forearm scars.

𝐹𝐴𝑉𝑂𝑅𝐼𝑇𝐸𝑆

color: Silver. hair color: A bright, fiery red. It reminds him of someone familiar, a love he forgot. eye color: Steel blue. His father’s eyes. song: Leave Her, Johnny. A song his father sang to him when he was a child to get him to sleep. Markus never knew lullabies but he knew that song as he worked with his dad, a sailor. His mind clung to it like a life line. movie: The Return of the Living Dead (1985). While he wasn’t much into horror, it was the last time he got the thrill of sneaking out of the orphanage to do something he shouldn’t, which was watching this movie. tv show: None food: Kasslerrolle. drink: Coffee, which is odd since he doesn’t need it to stay awake. book: “The Outsiders” by S.E. Hinton. Sometimes he wished he had, camaraderie, and that he could go wild and free, and knew horrible things happen to those who are just innocent boys.

𝐻𝐴𝑉𝐸 𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑌…

passed university: No had sex: No had sex in public: No gotten pregnant: No kissed a boy: Yes, it was more out of experimentation. They boy was gay, and wanted to help Nikolai understand what he was. kissed a girl: No gotten tattoos: No, but he wishes to get one. gotten piercings: No been in love: Yes, but he was taken away before he could do anything about it stayed up for more than 24 hours: All the time. There’s never a time after his experimentation that he doesn’t stay up for days on end.

𝐴𝑅𝐸 𝑇𝐻𝐸𝑌…

a virgin: Yeah a cuddler: Usually, no. He’s not a touchy person, but if it happens, it happens. a kisser: Not really. scared easily: Not at all. jealous easily: He can be. He’s jealous of people that are allowed to be normal. trustworthy: Not really, depending on someone’s allegiance. If with the lords, he can be trusted with your life. Against, he’d be as trustworthy as a broken bridge. Although, if morals align and there’s reason to defy the lords, he will be trustworthy. dominant: Depends. In general, he was conditioned to be able to be told what to do. Sexually, he’s very much so. submissive: Generally, yes. Sexually, no, because with that person they’re equals, and he finds ability to be braver and take charge. in love: He still thinks about a girl in the village that he loved, and misses her. single: Yes.

𝑅𝐴𝑁𝐷𝑂𝑀 𝑄𝑈𝐸𝑆𝑇𝐼𝑂𝑁𝑆

have they self-harmed: Not on purpose. Carelessness for his own being and treating himself as a tool for the lords. Too many things to fix and get done, not enough time to sleep or eat. Haphazard patching up that lead to infections that he works through because he can’t afford to stop working. thought of suicide: Yes, even before what happened to him attempted suicide: Yes, but it was a long time ago. wanted to kill someone: Yes, specifically Mother Miranda. have / had a job: Yes, he worked as a repairman in the village before his current job as an assistant. have any fears: Becoming useless, being abandoned and being truly alone. Dying without fighting scares him more than anything else.

𝐹𝐴𝑀𝐼𝐿𝑌

sibling(s): None. parent(s): His father, Markus Damien Haas, and his mother, Holly Margaret Adkins-Haas. Both became deceased when he was young. child(ren): None. pet(s): None.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘: technically @lordheis​ but I stole it <3 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆: steal from me you coward

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Oh fuck this song reminds me of Nikolai so much

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@lordheis​ sent: Karl and Nikolai combat training drabble, mayhaps ?? >:)

Send me something to drabble about

It was so foreign to be working with someone like Karl. He was a bit reckless, stubborn, but he wasn’t the worst person in the world.

Karl never saw what the cadou did to him, and he had an idea on how to test it out. The iron lord said they would do combat training, and Nikolai didn’t mind that. It was good exercise even if he worked all of the time, and it could help him work out the kinks on his electricity.

“Ready, Haas?”

“Mm.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

It wasn’t bad. It was a little hectic, Nikolai needing to kick and shove metal scraps thrown his way to see how fast his reflexes were. How careful he could be but also how powerful he could strike when not trying to get himself hurt with metal edges.

“You’re a piece of work, kid.”

Nikolai didn’t say anything, only focused on the task at hand. He had gotten into a lot of fights back in Germany, so it wasn’t like he was inexperienced. Hell, he usually came out on top in those fights due to his speed alone, knowing pressure points, and with rather remarkable spite and not knowing when to give in.

Many would wonder what happened to that, if they knew him back then.

He felt a small sting on his shoulder. Nothing bad, so he just kept going. Yet it soon felt like his arm was being drenched. Was he sweating? No, he was hardly breaking one.

Yet the metal stopped coming.

“What, are we done already?”

“Jesus Christ— Nikolai, your fucking shoulder—”

Nikolai looked down to his left shoulder. Ah, that was the problem. Blood stained and drenched his arm, trickling down all the way to his hand. His sleeve was torn right open. A hand hovered over it, and he felt his knees want to buckle. He felt tired so suddenly when the realization hit him that he was bleeding rather heavily.

“C’mon, let’s go get you patched up, dammit—”

“I... I can do it myself, sir. Rest assured.”

He held his shoulder with a wince, and he turned to leave. He was tired, but he could stitch himself up, he was sure. He’s done it before. He didn’t need help. He just had to keep telling himself he could do it by himself, and then he would be able to. If Karl objected and wanted to help, he wouldn’t say no, but that was up to the iron lord alone.

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“ I’LL PUT ON A SHOW THAT — EVERYONE CAN ENJOY ! ! “