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bronzed-sparkles · 4 years ago

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people to distance yourself from; ♡

anyone lacking basic decorum. are they rude to the waiter? do they drop rubbish on the ground? do they swear at and berate employees? do they forego basic manners— basic as 'please' and 'thank you?' if so, why would you want to be in their presence?

those who create drama where there is none. some people can conjure a fight from nowhere, and you don't need that around you— especially if they try to drag you into it.

on another note, those who avoid conflict at any cost. some things just need to be communicated directly, and someone who is constantly harbouring silent resentment can be just as toxic as someone who is constantly fighting everyone.

'I'm just brutally honest! people are too sensitive nowadays.' I have no admiration for someone who prides themselves on lack of tact or lack of sensitivity. you can be honest without being rude, although people like this tend to act as if it's impossible to speak candidly without somehow sugarcoating or lying. I see this attitude more and more and I just despise it; consistently causing problems through the way you interact with people, and then going further and deciding to own it as a character trait, is just emotional immaturity.

people who self sabotage (and aren't making an effort to change it.) this is frequently a learned behaviour and/or a symptom of mental illness, so I have a lot of sympathy. unfortunately, that sympathy has lead me to people that I've now learned to distance myself from, and I give this advice from experience. starting problems with authority figures that aren't there, getting blackout drunk or high before interviews or examinations, refusing self improvement or awareness of personal flaws, constant self depreciation ... (that last one sounds small, but saying 'that's not true!' every three minutes becomes old very quickly.) it's so hard to watch someone destroy their own life, especially when you're always expected to either pick up the pieces or somehow blamed for the consequences. I've definitely adjusted the closeness of friendships because of this one.

anyone who disrespects your boundaries. if you don't drink or take drugs, have reasons to be uncomfortable with certain forms of physical contact (and 'I don't like that' is a complete reason), have a particular trigger, etc., decent people will respect it. and you don't have to offer an extensive explanation, especially if it is to do with private medical issues or a personal trauma! sometimes people can forget or make a mistake— don't forget that others are also human— but if someone is repeatedly disregarding your boundaries, that shows a complete disrespect for you.

people who make you feel uncomfortable for succeeding. there's absolutely no problem with befriending someone with different aspirations (or 'levels' of aspirations) to you. a healthy friendship will see you cheering on one another for meeting personal goals, and supporting one another through times of rejection. but those around you shouldn't be belittling your successes, and they definitely shouldn't be discouraging you from striving for more.

anyone who doesn't respect your time. I've recently stopped trying with a couple of people due to this. again, don't forget that others are human, and that mistakes and emergencies happen. but consistently being late or standing others up (particularly if they don't even message to let you know) isn't just disorganised, it's rude. much like the 'brutally honest' people, some will just try and make lateness part of their personality. but it's not a personality trait; it's a habit, and a bad one. don't accept it.

those who avoid accountability. this is a big one, and intersects with a lot of the other bullet points. thinking about and respecting others, improving on yourself and apologising when you mess up— all of this requires basic self awareness and a willingness to change.

people who conduct their business in a messy way. you don't need the company of someone you're scared to be with in a public space because they're likely to make a scene. carry yourself with dignity, and expect others to do the same. (I fully consider social media that anyone can access and identify them through to be a 'public space.')

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bronzed-sparkles · 4 years ago

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