brownragdoll-blog

[brownragdoll-blog]

Just something I made after a small incident triggered a sexual harassment PTS episode for me. I was made to give a cop a blow job. And it was the most harrowing 3 hours of my life. In light of all the #metoo stories coming out, I have always felt like a coward for not sharing my story.

And over the months, I’ve dealt with PTS episodes in many different ways. I’m still navigating this whole thing.

This drawing was the healthiest response I’ve ever had.

I’m not ready to share my story yet, but this drawing gave me some release.

[brownragdoll-blog]

Lucid Dream #2

Oct 20, 2019

I had my second lucid dream last night. It was pretty great. This one was longer than the first and I had a lot more control. The last time I felt like a puppy in a park. I got too excited. This time it felt more matter-of-fact like.

I realised I was in a dream when I opened some door. I could feel the door handle weirdly. And I had this vague sense that it's a dream because the feeling of the door handle was a little bit different.

So, to confirm that I was dreaming, I walked into a corridor that had a mirror on the wall. I was wearing the same outfit that I wore to bed. But my reflection was completely blurry. So, that was that. Now I knew I was dreaming.

I kept walking and I wanted to go into a sex dungeon. I only wanted that cause my friend said he had sex in a lucid dream and it was the most mind-blowing sex ever. But I think I decided against it. I opened a door and it led straight to a window. So I decided to fly. I jumped out of the window, but instead of flying parallel to the ground, I just kept going upwards. My body was horizontal and facing the ground, but I was going up. And at some point I decided to go to the moon. I felt my body being thrusted upwards with a lot of force. But going to the moon was taking way too long.

So I came back down. And now I was outside the building. And right across the building, was the roof of another building. But this roof was on the floor. So, I think these buildings were on a slope. The roof of one is the floor of the other.

I sat on the roof and was facing the building. And I started to masturbate. It felt really good too. But I woke up while I was in that process.

I also kind of woke up once earlier. But I was able to go back and still be lucid. This time, however, I couldn't go back.

I definitely need more practice. Here's Hoping the dreams get longer and better

[brownragdoll-blog]

E(xc)lusive

It was so elusive. It felt like a painting. Like I was, but I also wasn't. I was always curious about how it would come about. But it just happened. And I got too excited. Tried to implement all the things I had learnt about it. I felt the ground below my feet so emphatically. It was really there. And I was barefoot. I was physically fighting with someone when I came to. I saw my arms and realised I was in a dream.

I decided to stop fighting and walk. I felt the ground. I was in some old, school building. It seemed kind of empty and very old. I entered a room which happened to be my bedroom. It was a beautiful room with two very big windows. There was a bed and right across the bed was a huge desk full of folders and all kinds of work stuff. Many books and pages.

Felt like a screenshot from my future. There were also many plants in the room. But somehow I seemed to be walking real fast around the room. I couldn't seem to pace myself and actually take a look at things.

I left the room and started climbing down stairs. That's actually when I realised that it was some kind of school or library, which I thought was odd.

Then I tried to fly because I thought I'd be pretty cool. But I couldn't fly. Instead, I was just suspended in the air. I felt my body lift and just stay there. Like I was sleeping in water.