brutal-and-beautiful

[brutal-and-beautiful]

I try to challenge myself when it comes to writing. I have been watching life and rhymes. It’s 25 years since I met Benjamin Zephaniah at the Essex literature festival at Southend library and a lot has changed for both of us. He is now professor of poetry and creative writing at Brunel university and I ……. Despite plans ….. am not …… yet??

The oral tradition is a key part of the gypsy community which is where my maternal and paternal heritage lines lay. So it seemed only right I should try to create something in the spoken word style. I have not got the flow, nor the clever word play that the talents of this genre have honed, but I’m happy that it gets across what I’m trying to say. I will keep practicing and see where it takes me. *please note it’s a bit sweary, so not for little ears*

If anyone wants to make comment on my bedraggledness, jog on, I have an 8 week old, I look like this and I smell of sick. That’s my reality right now.

#spokenwordpoetry #newparents

[brutal-and-beautiful]

Everything you wanted to know about fertility, pregnancy and parenthood but they were too afraid to tell you.

I read an article recently where some tabloid hack was moaning about the number of “Mum bloggers whining about how they hate being a Mum”. The people they pinpointed were not doing that. They are actually quick witted, intelligent, funny women writing about the truth of their parenting journeys. By doing this they are helping all the parents out there who are not living up to the unrealistic standards set by endless social media posts showing the perfect family dynamic, feel less shitty about life.

I am new (very) to the world of parenting. I cannot emphasise enough just how incredibly difficult I have found the whole process, from getting pregnant, being pregnant and becoming a new mum.

A wise woman said to me in the first few days “nobody tells you just how hard it really is because if they did 1) no one would ever have children and 2) nobody would believe you!”.

This is true.

I don’t know if there really are the “Mother Earth” types out there who genuinely find themselves sailing through pregnancy, birth and motherhood naturally, without doubts, meltdowns and a complete loss of sense of time and self. If there are, well, I don’t know what to say, congrats! (also, a little screw you) It’s certainly not my experience.

I am advised that at some point a routine will be established and I will find time to write (this may or may not be true, it remains to be seen). Hence this new blog. To share my experiences. To join the army of parents out there trying to show the truth about life as a family, in the hope that someone reads it and realises, they are not failing, they are not the minority, actually, this is just really fucking hard, and if you are keeping everyone alive on a day to day basis, you are smashing it!

To those of you out there with multiples or parenting alone. Hats off to you. Obviously I always had much respect for you, but only in a way that someone who has no idea about what you’re actually managing to do does. Now I understand that you are absolute rockstars. Wow!

So far I can tell you that this is the most brutal, beautifully relentless experience of my life. I swing from 10/10 highly recommend to all, there’s nothing more wonderful in the world, to 0/10 would not recommend to anyone, ever, under any circumstances. If you think you can manage this, hit yourself in the head with a brick until you come to your senses.

What can I tell you 1 month in?

If you can only get 45 minutes sleep, take it. You will feel like death when you wake up, but those 45 minutes add up throughout the day and the answer to the question “is it really worth bothering?” is … absolutely!

You will get pee’d, pooped and puked on. A lot. You become immune to it. Surprisingly quickly.

Take the help. If someone offers to do something for you, if it will actually help, say yes please. No matter how ridiculous it may have seemed to you before.

Ask for help. People in general want to help. Especially those who are in on the secret about how hard this is.

It’s okay, in fact it’s important, to learn to say “we’re not doing it that way”. Everyone, and I mean literally everyone, has an opinion on everything you choose to do/not to do when it comes to your fertility/pregnancy/newborn. Unsolicited advice will come at you from all angles. Learn quickly to tell people to mind their own business and jog on.

You will be disgusted at how few showers you take. Get used to it.

Do not attempt a nappy change with only one nappy to hand, they know somehow and will mug you off every time. Seriously.