bslrecs

[bslrecs]

day 25: aussie line + double penetration in one hole

©straykeedz

tw: unprotected piv sex (don’t do this at home!!! 🤨); cockwarming; some mxm stuff; oral (f & m receiving); fingering (f receiving); squirting; nipple play; creampie; ♡

wc: 4k;

this is part of my kinktober masterlist. you can find my regular masterlist here (tho it will not be updated until the end of kinktober) ♡

🔖 : @linos-kitten ; @luneskies ; @kxcies-blog ; @idunnomanmynamewastaken ; @cessixja ; @stolasisyourparent ; @kookiesbunny ; @xoxo-xoxo-bunny ; @ivyskzsworld ; @mal-lunar-28 ; @leetaste ; @sunnykynnie ; @channiesgoodgirl ; @seonghwatoothless ; @mrsminho ; @seungminluv3 ; @jin-from-the-block ; @aaasia111 ; @sulkygyu ; @whosanaanyway ; @y-ur--I ; @vixensss ; @nightimescapes ; @freckleboilix ; @dreamingaboutjisung ; @yourbeomiebear ; @tooskathepiratefromshield ; ♡

to make sure i add you to the taglist, your age must be clearly visible on your profile. also, empty blogs will not be added - add at least a profile picture to your blog so that i’ll know you’re not a bot. ♡

smut below the cut, minors dni.

🂳

Felix closes the door of his place behind his figure with a sigh, takes off his coat and hangs it on the hanger, then takes off his shoes. He had the worst day today at work, and he craves nothing more than a hot shower and a cup of tea today. As he climbs the stairs that lead to his bedroom, he wonders if you’re home yet. He wants to lie next to you and feel your arms around him as he falls asleep, head been looking forward to it since this morning, when he was forced to leave the bed to go to work. Stupid, useless job, taking his time away from you… He’s so caught up in his thoughts, he doesn’t head the sounds coming from your room - sighs, whimpers, moans. 

Your bedroom door is slightly open, enough for him to peek his head inside and take in the sight of you. And then he hears the noises - pretty, soft whines. You’re naked, your back facing the ajar door, and Felix bites his lip to the sight of your bare back and ass. Then, his gaze shifts to the man beneath you, naked as well, with his hands on your hips as he guides your movements up and down his length. 

A smile appears on his face. The loves of his life. 

With the palm of his hand, he pushes the door open, but neither of you notices, too immersed in your pleasure. Only when he enters the room, Chan acknowledges Felix’s presence, and a smile spreads on his face. 

“Hi, baby.”, he greets him, and you immediately snap your head in the direction of Chan’s gaze, and smile as well once you see Felix approach the bed. 

“Hey.”, you shiver when Felix caresses your cheek, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear as he leans over to kiss you on the lips. At the same time, Chan intertwines his fingers with Felix’s, and he smiles on your lips as he pulls away from you. 

He bends over to place a soft kiss on Chan’s lips as well, and you can’t help but clench your walls around Chan at the sight of your two boyfriends - your two hot boyfriends, desperately in love with each other and you. Chan lets out a muffled sound against Felix’s lips as he feels you squeezing his cock, still inside of you. 

“Join us?” Chan whispers on Felix’s lips and the younger man nods. 

“Yeah, just give me a couple of minutes to hop in the shower real quick.”, he pecks Chan’s lips once more, and at the same time lands a light spank on your asscheek, making you squeak. 

It’s not anything new - the scene Felix just walked in to. Ever since the three decided to move in together and rented a bigger place, scenarios like these are on the agenda. He has walked in on you and Chan plenty of times, and vice versa, Chan had walked in on you and Felix more times than he remembers. That’s one of the things you love about your relationship with them - the maturity of it all, the fact that there’s no jealousy and nobody feels left out. You love them equally the same and you’re sure it’s the same for them. 

“Okay, but don’t take too long.”, you pout, sticking your lips out to demand him a kiss as well, and he satisfies your request. 

“Just a quick shower to freshen up, I promise, baby.” Felix smiles at you, then pats you on the head. “Have fun you two.”, he winked at you and Chan, before disappearing in the bathroom adjacent to your bedroom.

But now that you know Felix’s coming back soon - there’s no way you and Chan can just keep going by yourselves. So, you end up just cockwarming him, lying on his chest as you make out lazily. Chan’s fingers are tangled in your hair as he runs his hand through it, cupping your breast with his other hand and playing with your nipple, smirking when he feels you clench around him. He feels big and heavy inside go you - hard, stretching you out real good as he always does. 

Felix keeps his promise, and he’s indeed back after a couple of minutes, completely naked if it weren’t for a green towel wrapped around his tiny waist. His hair is damp, and his skin is still wet - droplets of water on his body here and there, some of them falling from his still damp hair. Both you and Chan grin from ear to ear at the sight. 

“C’mere.” Chan tells him, biting his lip as he wraps one arm around your waist, patting the bed with his free hand. 

Felix nods, climbing on the bed, kneeling right beside you, and he wastes no time in kissing you once again. Chan lets out a protesting whine, and Felix chuckles, leaning in to kiss him on the lips as well. “Yah, you’re so impatient, baby boy.”, he comments. 

“For you, always.” Chan bites his lip, and wraps his other arm around Felix’s figure, then lets his hand wander south, until it reaches the hem of the towel. “Both of you.”, he clarifies, but it’s obvious how much he’s whipped for both you and Felix.

Felix’s bulge is pretty evident, a tent forming on the towel, so neither of you is surprised when Chan unties the knot of the towel and lets it fall on the bed, allowing Felix’s hard-on to spring free. You lick your lips at the sight, and feel Chan’s cock twitch inside of you. You lift your eyes to look at him, and find him staring at Felix’s boner with flustered cheeks, almost too shy to voice his thoughts. 

“Lix, baby…”, you run your hand through the blond’s hair. “I think Channie wants your cock.”, you bite your lips to muffle a giggle when you see Chan widen his eyes, but nods nonetheless. 

“Yeah?” Felix’s eyes snap to Chan’s direction. “Is it true? You want it?”, the youngest bites his lower lip when he sees Chan nodding eagerly. “Mhhh, then open your lips, baby boy.” 

Felix wraps his fingers around the base of his cock, then taps its tip against Chan’s lips a couple of times - then, the older boy opens his mouth, welcoming Felix’s length in his mouth. Felix hums as he kicks his head back and closes his eyes for a brief moment before his head and gaze drop to look at Chan, with his mouth stuffed with Felix’s cock, and the blond wastes no time in entangling his fingers in Chan’s dark hair. 

“Fuck- like that, baby boy. You’re so good at this.” Felix grunts, tugging at Chan’s hair. 

Your pussy starts to feel a bit neglected, so you slowly lift your hips and then sink down on Chan’s cock a couple of times. Chan grabs and squeezes the flesh of your ass with his fingers as he chokes on Felix’s cock, looking him in the eye - his own a bit teary due to how deep he’s taking him in his mouth. When you hear Felix’s moans get more high-pitched, you decide to intervene by placing both of your hands on their chests. 

“Channie, don’t make him come yet.”, you whine. 

Felix slowly withdraws his length from Chan’s mouth, then both of their heads snap in your direction. “What’s up, baby girl, feelin’ neglected?” Felix jokes, but he’s not wrong. 

Lately, Felix has been working longer shifts and it’s been a while since the three of you got to be together like this; it may sound selfish, but you want - no, you need - to feel both of them on you, inside of you, and you can’t wait for that. So, you don’t want Chan to spoil the night you have planned by making Felix come like that - he can do it later if he wants it that bad. Right now, you just want to feel your boyfriends close. 

“I need you.”, you pout. 

Both Chan and Felix let out a whimper at your words. “Both of us?” Felix asks, licking his lip. You nod. “How do you want us, sweetheart?” Chan asks you, rubbing your lower back. 

There’s no established roles when you’re underneath the bedsheets, and your sex life is anything but boring or redundant. At times, you’d only watch your pretty boyfriends get each other off, touching each other’s bodies expertly. Other times, one of them would fuck you and be fucked by the other at the same time. Or they’d take turns fucking you, cumming inside of you and making you cum on their cocks. They’d even fuck both of your holes at the same time - never boring. 

And yet - you never felt them inside of you at the same time. 

You bite your lip. You look at Chan. Then you look at Felix. “Both of you.”, you whisper. “Inside." 

Felix and Chan exchange looks rapidly, then they both shift their gaze on you, eyes open wide and eyebrows up, perplexed, as if they’re not sure they heard you right. “Sweetheart, are you… sure?” Chan asks, looking you in the eye. You nod. 

“We’ve never done it like that before.” Felix states, preoccupation in his tone. “Are you sure you’re sure?”

You nod again. “I’m sure. One hundred percent. I love you, and I want you. Both of you.”, you take their hands in yours and look at them to show them that you’re positive you want to fuck both of them at the same time. 

“O-Okay.” Chan swallows the lump in his throat. “But we have to prep you first.” 

Chan had already prepped you to take his cock earlier by giving you amazing oral - as per usual -, but you’re aware that having both of them inside of you at the same time requires a lot more of preparation. When Chan helps you lift your hips and his cock slips out of you, you miss it instantly, feeling empty all of a sudden. You find yourself lying on the bed, on your back and with your legs open wide to welcome your boyfriends’ heads. Chan and Felix have two different and unique ways of pleasuring you. 

Chan’s extremely good with his tongue - his head game is seriously the best, and even Felix agrees on that. When he eats you out, it’s a crescendo. He starts by kissing your ankles, then your calves, and aaaall the way up to your groin. Then, when he’s got you begging and whining - only then, he wraps his lips around your clit and sucks. And then licks. And then alternates sucks with licks until you come undone - he gladly licks you clean immediately after, making sure none of your arousal goes to waste. 

Felix, on the other hand, has magical fingers. Okay, they’re not extremely long, but they surely do reach all of the spots that make your toes curl - every single time. Unlike Chan, he goes straight to the point and barely teases you. He touches your clit immediately, rubbing it with the pads of his fingers in circular motions until your eyes roll in the back of your skull - but the real magic happens when he puts his fingers inside of you. Two fingers shoved deep inside your cunt and his thumb on your clit are the key to a mind-blowing orgasm. 

Right now, though, they’re doing all of the above at the same time. Chan’s still teasing you by dragging his lips anywhere but near your cunt, and Felix’s been rubbing your clit for a couple of minutes now. When Chan’s lips and tongue finally reach your labia, though, Felix stops his movements just to shove two fingers inside of Chan’s mouth. 

“Suck, baby boy.”, he demands, biting his lip when he sees Chan swirl his tongue around his digits. Chan nods, sucking on Felix’s fingers to lubricate them. “So obedient.” Felix chuckles as he withdraws his fingers from Chan’s mouth, then brings them to your entrance, circling it. 

Felix’s digits penetrate you at the same time as Chan wraps his plump lips around your clit and gives it a long suck, and you can’t do anything but throw your head back and grip the bedsheets tight as a moan leaves your lips. 

“Look at you…” Felix murmurs, moving his fingers inside of you, his movements are coordinated with Chan’s. “So fucked out already.” Felix chuckles, thrusting his fingers in and out of you, making sure to rub the spongy spot inside of you with each movement. 

Chan huffs against your pussy, the palm of his hand is on your inner thigh, making sure your legs stay spread wide as they do their best to pleasure you. Truth be told, you think they’ve just outdone themselves with this performance - and it’s not over yet. Chan keeps lapping at your clit as Felix moves his fingers inside of you, squelching sounds fill the room and you can feel your arousal drip from your hole onto Felix’s digits and the bedsheets. Of course, it doesn’t take long for your orgasm to start building up in your belly, and it’s different than usual - however, you do recognize the sensation, and it’s probably been their goal all along. 

“Chan, baby…” you moan, entangling your fingers in Chan’s hair, tugging at it as your legs start to shake. “Felix…” the blonde intertwines his fingers with yours, squeezing your hand as he keeps rubbing your g-spot relentlessly. “‘M so close, loves, so close.”, you whimper, already seeing white. 

With one drag of Chan’s tongue on your clit and Felix’s fingers on your g-spot, you come undone mere seconds later. “Cumming, fuck- cumming.”, your whole body trembles as you release, and Felix has to pull his fingers out of you because you don’t just cum, you squirt. Hard. Soaking the sheets beneath you. Your toes curl and your chest rises and falls repeatedly at a quick pace. 

Chan halts his movements, too, and in a matter of seconds, both boys are at each of your sides, caressing and kissing your body delicately as you try to catch your breath and come off of your high. Chan’s peppering your neck and collarbone with kisses while Felix runs his hand through your hair, whispering soft, praise words in your ear. 

“Are you still sure?” Felix mutters, kissing your temple as Chan’s fingers brush the skin of your belly. 

“That I want to fuck both of you?”, you ask rhetorically. “Yes, very much.”, you turn your head to place a kiss on Felix’s lips, then do the same with Chan, and you can taste yourself on his lips. 

“How do you want us to do it, sweetheart?” Chan asks you. 

“I trust your judgement.”

Not much later, you’re about to sink down on Chan’s cock once again. He’s lying on the mattress, and has his hands on your hips, exactly like before - only this time, you’re not facing him. Instead, he’s met with the sight of your naked back and ass as you slowly take his cock inside of you - he’s even harder than before, if possible, and the stretch is delicious as you feel his length part your walls as he bottoms out inside of you. 

“Took me so well, sweetheart.” Chan praises you as he wraps his arm around your waist. “Now lie down against my chest.”, he instructs, guiding your movements carefully, making sure his cock wouldn’t slip out. He bends his knees to facilitate the process, making it more comfortable for you. 

It feels amazing, being this close to him, but it’s nothing compared to what you’re about to feel. 

Then, Chan hooks his arm under one of your knees and lifts your leg, making sure your things are spread enough to fit Felix between them. The blonde kneels between yours and Chan’s legs, fingers lazily pumping his cock as he positions himself right at your entrance - not aligning his cockhead to your entrance, though. 

Chan brings two of his fingers to his mouth and licks them, before bringing them between your legs. He places as series of soft kisses on your neck as his fingers reach your clit, rubbing it to get you to relax as much as possible. Sure, Felix’s not as thick as Chan, but it’s surely going to be a stretch nonetheless. 

“Tell me if it’s too much, sweetheart.” Chan whispers, before pushing one finger inside of you. It doesn’t hurt, nor feel uncomfortable, to be honest. It feels good. “Alright?”, he mumbles. 

You nod. “Alright.”

It takes a while for Chan to stretch you out, inserting another finger inside of you, and then another, until you’re ready to take Felix’s cock. Even though they prepped you enough, Felix still squirts some lube onto his dick and your pussy, making sure you’re wet enough when he pushes inside, even though you already are. More than enough. You’re so wet it leaked all over Chan’s cock and balls.

“Are you ready, baby girl?” Felix asks you, looking you in the eye, resting the palm of his hand on Chan’s knee. You nod. “I’ll go slow. Just tell me if it hurts.”, you nod again. 

It’s a stretch you haven’t felt before, a feeling you can’t compare to anything. And, truth be told, neither can Felix, nor Chan. Both of them moan at the feeling of their cocks brushing and how tight you feel around them. 

“Oh, fuck.” Felix takes a deep breath as he halts his movements. It feels too good already, and he’s barely halfway in. “You’re so tight.”, he squeezes Chan’s knee as he pushes a couple of inches inside. 

Underneath you, Chan bites your naked shoulder at the feeling of having both you and Felix so close, and huffs against your skin. The three of you let out a choked sound once Felix bottoms out inside of you, buried deep inside your pussy. At the same time with Chan. It doesn’t feel real. 

“Feels good? It doesn’t hurt?” Felix’s voice is shaky as he speaks, placing both his hands on the mattress, at each of your sides, to balance himself. 

You shake your head as a no. “Feels so good, Lix. Love having you so close.”, your big, doe eyes look into his. You and Chan reach for Felix’s hand and intertwine your fingers together. “Love you so much, guys.”, you whimper. 

Felix leans to peck your lips, then he kisses Chan as well. “I love you guys, too.”, he caresses your knuckles with his thumb. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”, he sighs, then smiles at you. 

“And I love you too.” Chan mumbles, stroking Felix’s hip with his free hand, then yours. “You’re the loves of my life. Wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”

After they’ve made sure you’ve adjusted to having both of them inside of you - they start to move. Their thrusts are slow and delicate, tentative, much different from how they usually fuck you. You think it’s because they’re afraid to hurt you, when really, they’re just holding themselves back from cumming too soon. Chan has his head thrown back on the cushions, and he’s gripping the bedsheets - Felix has his mouth slightly open and his brows furrowed, his whole face scrunched up in pleasure as he thrusts his cock inside of you. 

“Look at you, baby girl…” he growls, clenching his jaw as he feels a shiver run down his spine. “Taking both of us in that pretty little cunt of yours.”

His words have you moaning and clenching around both of them. Chan’s doing his best not to cum, too, thrusting his cock slowly, and you can feel it throbbing inside of you. “You’re so tight, sweetheart. So good for us.” Chan moves his hand from the mattress to cup one of your boobs, playing with your nipple, pinching it delicately with the pads of his fingers. Felix latches his mouth on the other one, swirling his tongue around it, then gently sucking on it as his hips move against yours. 

“‘M close, loves.”, you whine, squeezing Chan’s and Felix’s fingers tighter as you feel the familiar sensation in your belly starting to build up once again. “Gonna cum for you.”

Chan latches his mouth on the skin of your neck as he keeps moving inside of you together with Felix, feeling close to reaching his own high as well. He knows that, as soon as he feels you cum around them, he won’t be able to hold it in. 

“Need fingers?” Chan asks, and you weakly nod. It’s his turn now to push two fingers inside of Felix’s mouth. “Suck. Do it for our girl.”, he demands, looking the younger boy in the eye. Felix hums against Chan’s fingers, swirling his tongue around them. Once he’s sure they’re wet enough, Chan withdraws them from Felix’s mouth, then brings them on your clit. 

“Just relax, sweetheart. You don’t have to do anything besides from cumming for us.” Chan whispers in your ear as he starts rubbing your clit delicately, yet relentlessly. His fingers brush your sweet spot repeatedly, and in a matter of seconds, you’re cumming again, chest rising and falling as you pant. 

“Channie… Lix… loves, cumming.”, you close your eyes as you let go once again, coating both of their cocks in your release, which sends them over the edge, too. 

“Fuck- fuck, I’m cumming, too.” Felix pants, and then the movements of his hips come to an halt, and you feel him shooting his seed inside of you as his whole body shakes from the intensity of his orgasm. Spurts of his hot cum coat your walls and fill you up, and you moan at the feeling. 

“‘M, too- fuck, I’m gonna cum, oh God.” Chan shoots inside of you mere seconds later, filling your pussy to the brim, shaking from head to toe as well. There’s so much of it, that both of their seeds start to drip from your hole as you feel them getting limp inside of you. 

“‘M gonna pull out, baby girl, alright?” Felix pecks your lips, and you nod. It stings a bit when he pulls away, but only for a second. Then, he falls on the bed next to you and Chan. 

Chan removes himself from inside of you as well, careful not to overstimulate you as he pulls out. You make a mess on the bed, a mixture of your arousals staining the sheets, but you don’t care. Chan lies down next to you as well, and then both of them wrap their arms around your waist and bury their faces in the crooks of your neck. 

“Are you feeling alright, sweetheart? Do you need anything?” Chan asks you, placing a kiss on your collarbone. 

“Water, please.”, you pant, still trying to catch your breath. 

Chan is quick to reach the water bottle on the nightstand, handing it to you. The three of you sit on the bed and take turns drinking water, then rest your backs against the headboard. 

“It was…”, you start. “…amazing.”

They nod, then they kiss your cheeks. “You were so good to us, sweetheart.” Chan nuzzles your neck with his nose, then wraps one arm around your waist. “Mhh, he’s right.” Felix agrees, doing the same. “Thank you for trusting us.”, he rests his head on your naked breasts. 

After a while, you decide it’s time for you to take a shower. Chan and Felix help you opening the windows, since the room smells terribly of sex, and changing the sheets before hopping in the shower with you. They help you change into a clean pajamas, since you feel like your legs are gonna give in any second, and they patiently dry your hair the way you taught them to. Then, the three of you slip under the covers, Felix in the middle as per usual, while you and Chan rest your intertwined hands on his stomach. 

And Felix’s day ends just as he wanted it to - with him lying next to you, your arms around him as he falls asleep. 

🂳

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[bslrecs]

Freak Show Talk | 3racha, lmh

║ Introduction ║

「A famous rapper trio looking to open their relationship. A charismatic dancer looking to open your mind. A myriad of possibilities, none of them tame. In at least one thing, Chan was right. This can't end PG.」

║ Genre ║

「3racha au, fwb au, free use, friends to lovers, fujoshi reader, polyamory and enm, lgbtq+ representation. Contains themes of love and romance, explicit sexual content, angst, exploration of regressive kinks, fetishism, relationships, fame and friendship.」

║ Characters & Pairings ║

「Female reader insert. Focused around 3racha and Lee Know. FxM and MxM sexual content. Contains original characters.」

「60k words approx」 「85 drabble chapters under 1k ✓」 「© September 2023 by jl-micasea-fics」

║ Read ║

「AO3」 「Tumblr links below」

i. as the hours pass

ii. i will let you know

iii. i need to ask before i'm alone

iv. how it feels to rest on your patient lips

v. to eternal bliss

vi. fight so dirty but your love's so sweet

vii. talk so pretty but your heart's got teeth

viii. late night devil put your hands on me

ix. and never, never, never, ever let go

x. not acid nor alkaline

xi. caught between black and white

xii. not quite either day or night

xiii. she's perfectly misaligned

xiv. caught up in her design

xv. i see in a different light

xvi. the objects of my desire

xvii. every once in a while, it hits me like a bomb

xviii. every once in a while, i get scared to be alone

xix. because this house is made of paper baby

xx. i'm not as tough as i could fake it maybe

[bslrecs]

Perilous Desires

➳ published: 31.03.22 ➳ asylum!au || genre: smut || dark || rated: m ➳ pairing: psycho!bangchan x nurse!reader (fem) ➳ summary: getting made to work the night shift, you're assigned to the ward the dealt with the more... demented of the patients. the ones who are a danger to society. except for him - or so you think ➳ word count: 11.8k ➳ warnings: corruption, slow burn, minor character death, blood, violence, swearing, public sex, borderline joker/harley vibes, dark themes, dom/sub themes, psychopathic elements [do not read if uncomfortable] ➳ author's note: thank you to @soluvcore and @sanjoongie for reading this over! all feedback is welcome and encouraged, please let me know what you think!

When you got the job at Wayward Souls Psychiatric Hospital, you thought that you had hit the jackpot. For years, you worked hard and managed to become a qualified psychiatric nurse while not ending up on the ward yourself. You thought that everything must be looking up from here; you got a new job, your boyfriend and you recently moved in together and life just seemed to be on the up and up.

Until the rose-coloured glasses came off and you realised that things weren’t as good as what you thought they were.

You tried not to complain, you always lived to be more optimistic than most people but when everything seemed to crumble around you – even your optimism couldn’t save you from cursing the world. The boyfriend of your dreams turned out to be a cheating liar and left you in the apartment alone without any closure. The apartment itself had a few problems but those seemed to pale in comparison to the job that you had so eagerly signed up for. Wayward Souls Hospital was misnamed, you would call it an asylum more than a hospital and the jobs that the other nurses always had you doing were nothing more than janitorial at best.

Cleaning, there isn’t a wall in these rooms that you haven’t scrubbed at some point over the past month. Washing, you’re sure that you’ve cleaned every item at least three times a week. You’ve had to go down to the basement twice, by yourself with nothing more than a flashlight and radio because storms always cause outages so guess who has to go and flip the breaker? Shower time is something that you’ve truly come to hate because the other nurses always make sure that you get the ones who need to be scrubbed with hot, soapy water – and bite.

When you thought life was looking up, it seemed like you were actually looking at your future Hell on Earth and while you always smile through it all, doing your best to not let it bring you down – you slowly start to understand why some of these patients are here. Telling yourself that you could never commit arson, or murder, that you are far too kind to do such things is the only way you keep yourself sane.

“Have you cleaned the shower drains?” Ryujin comes in and asks while you lay out in the garden on your break. The garden at Wayward Souls is the only redeeming quality that this place has; patients are always encouraged to spend time outside and some can plant in the gardens but what you love the most is the rose garden and its hidden little bench by the pond. “It’s Sunday, the drains need to be cleaned.” She continues like you didn’t hear her the first time.

With a heavy sigh, you sit up and put on your best smile, “yes, I did it before I took my break.” You look at her and Ryujin narrows her eyes as if she didn’t believe you. You are certain that you cleaned those drains because you frantically scrubbed your hands and cleaned underneath your nails after you had disposed of the trash. Even while wearing gloves, a mask and a spare change of clothes so that your uniform didn’t get dirty, you always felt unclean when cleaning here because of the various bodily fluids, hair and… nails, you would find.

As if she isn’t completely satisfied with the fact that you’ve been doing your job – and doing it well – she looks over at you when you’ve finally laid back down before turning on her heel and very dramatically trips over her own feet. You don’t see it happen, you only hear her cry out for help as she lands with her back in the nearest rose bush. “Help!” She cries and you scramble to stand up, rushing to her side while you wave to one of your co-workers to help you.

“Ryujin, how- what happened?” You frantically ask, worried as you see the blood on her white scrubs. While she isn’t grievously harmed, you can tell that she did manage to gain a few deep scratches on her biceps and upper thighs but she had managed to save her face from getting cut by any stray branches.

“I tripped over something,” you look around where you are and can’t find anything that would cause such a fall. “Don’t you look at me like that!” She spits out when you look back at her, questions ready on the tip of your tongue, “do you really think I would do this to myself?”

The way that she snaps at you causes you to recoil and shake your head, hands raised defensively. “No, I didn’t say that-”

“Then what were you going to say?” You know that with the way that she’s behaving that there is no way that you could possibly win this argument so you sigh and shake your head, mumbling your apology which only causes her to huff, “that’s what I thought.” As you help her towards the building, you know that the conversation about who is going to cover her night shift is going to come into question. You’ve been there for the last few hours and so you know, you just know that you will be one of the lovely contestants that are going to be looked at to do the job.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“All you have to do is go down the hallway at set intervals and check on everyone,” Johnny says as he points at the cameras that show the ward that you’ll be covering. “We take turns, one watches while the other goes down and makes sure that the patients aren’t doing anything that they shouldn’t be doing.”

You had known that you would be chosen, your terrible luck has proven you right once more, but what you didn’t realise was that you would be pulling a graveyard shift covering the ward that everyone has so charmingly named: Eternal Darkness. You had learnt in your first week there that this is the ward where the real crazies go, the ones who are insane and a danger to society as well as themselves. A lot of them are in straight jackets, padded rooms, with no shoelaces or anything that could even remotely be used as a weapon against themselves or anyone else. The one benefit to this ward was that the majority were heavily medicated and thus, they were quiet and too out of it to care about the nurses checking in on them periodically.

“Don’t talk to Room 1003.” You hear tapping on the screen and pay attention to the room that Johnny is referring to. “No matter what he says, don’t talk to him.”

“Why?” Does it really matter? No. Are you planning on striking up a conversation with anyone when it was your turn to do the rounds? Definitely not, but it is rather curious to be told not to talk to someone when a lot of the time, you’ve been encouraged to make the patients feel as human as you possibly can in this… hospital.

Johnny thinks for a moment and you can see it in his eyes, the thought on whether he should tell you or not before he shakes his head. “He’s been here for about five years and there’s been talk that he drives people insane.”

You snort, causing him to look at you with a serious expression and you try to keep yourself from laughing even more. “Nobody can be that bad, you’re making it sound like he has superpowers or something.” Johnny shrugs and you giggle, covering your mouth to stifle the sound. While life has made things rather hellish for you lately, you still cannot believe that people are inherently bad – that there is pure evil in the world – so, while Johnny is standing there, trying to argue the case about how the patient is the Antichrist, you simply couldn’t wrap your head around it. “I’ll take the warning but I’m sure he’s not that bad, have you ever spoken to him yourself?” His silence telling you that he hasn’t and making your face soften slightly, “then you can’t be listening to the rumours that are clearly spread to disturb people. It’s like when people make things up about hospitals being haunted and that they see a ghost and as time goes by, everyone believes it without a doubt because the mind is playing tricks on them.”

Johnny shakes his head at you, sitting down in his chair while you head to grab your sandwich out of your bag, “I heard about you, the nurse with too much pep in her step. Even when you’re given the shitty jobs, you always do it with a smile and cheerful attitude.” You smile as you sit down, not finding that an insult at all because you’ve heard that a lot, “I really thought they would have broken you.” He grumbles under his breath but you manage to hear it, the words causing you to freeze slightly before you take a bite.

Has this been their goal all along, to make you bitter like the rest of them, to make you see the world in black and white with no joy at all in your life?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Somehow, one night working the shift turned into a week and the week had turned into a month; it was like some sick twist of fate had happened and you somehow got stuck doing the late-night shifts with Johnny – who wasn’t the worst person to be with but he definitely wasn’t the best. You hadn’t stopped thinking about what he said, how they haven’t managed to break you and whenever you brought it up, he would tell you one horrifying story after another about the way this place would ruin everything good about a person until they become as heartless as some of the patients here. The only benefit that comes with working this shift is that you don’t have to do the terrible cleaning jobs that they’ve been making you do since you started – however, now you are stuck with patients who love to scream at all hours of the night and try to grab your shirt when you walk past.

It’s not always bad, you tell yourself, it could be worse. They have their shower times during the day, they also have bathrooms attached to their rooms so you don’t have to escort anyone, and the most that you’ve interacted with a patient is when one had asked you for pudding. You knew that you shouldn’t really but there was no harm in it so you snuck a pudding to him on your next round, earning a small smile that brightened your night.

The small things.

“I haven’t heard anything from that patient you warned me about,” you say one night after returning from your check. “He always seems to be sleeping whenever I walk past.”

Johnny snorts, leaning back in his chair and placing his feet up on the table, “maybe he’s dead.” He chuckles before shaking his head, “he��s an insomniac but they’ve upped his medication so maybe he finally gets some sleep.” You can hear in his voice that he doesn’t necessarily care, that it’s just an observation more than him caring about the patient’s health. “Well, it’s my turn.”

You sit there, watching Johnny on the camera walk down the corridor when you notice a face peer through the window of Room 1003. Leaning closer, you try and distinguish the face, a face that has made you curious for the entire month considering you haven’t seen it yet but you can’t tell anything from the grainy black and white stream. Other than his lips moving. “Johnny said not to talk to him…” You ponder out loud, watching Johnny stop briefly by the door before carrying on and when he leaves, the face has disappeared but your curiosity hasn’t. There are so many questions in your mind that you barely even notice Johnny’s presence when he comes back, chewing your pinkie finger in thought until he taps you on the shoulder.

“You hungry?” He asks, eyebrow raised as you sit still, pinkie still in your mouth and eyes looking at him for a moment before you come back to the present.

“Oh…” You let out a nervous laugh and shake your head, “no, I was just thinking.” You wipe your hand on your shirt as your eyes go back to the screen that shows the corridor he was just down, “you warned me not to talk to that patient but I noticed that you spoke to him.”

“Nah, he asked if I could get him a bag of liquorice tomorrow but I told him that I wouldn’t.” You look a little horrified that he would turn down a patient’s request, “this isn’t a holiday for them, they are here for a reason so why should they get luxuries?” You’ve learnt not to argue with him because arguing gets you nowhere but that doesn’t stop you from feeling bad for him. He’s been here a while from what you’ve heard so that means he’s missed out on a lot of things that he may have had in his daily life and the food here isn’t the best so you try to imagine what it must be like. It’s sad, something you shouldn’t be feeling sad about but it doesn’t stop the slight pang in your chest.

You shouldn’t, but you’re going to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It takes you a week to pluck up the courage to bring the patient the sweet treat that you had bought, you just weren’t certain whether Johnny would remember such an interaction so you waited and took your time to do it. You have the prime opportunity tonight, Johnny is tired and happens to be asleep every time you do your rounds which honestly, isn’t very professional but what you’re about to do isn’t professional either. Making your way down the hallway, you walk with your hands in your pockets before you stop in front of the door of your pudding patient – Minho. You’ve had small conversations with the man, nothing too deep or revealing but you’ve learnt that he loves cats and misses his three pets that he’s had to leave in the care of his friend while he’s been here. “One day,” he always says, “one day I’ll have them back.”

You never get too close to the patient’s doors when you do your rounds unless you need to check in on them but you always take a peep in Minho’s room and smile because he seems to rip all the cat pictures from magazines and sticks them to the wall with chewing gum. Disgusting but endearing in its own way.

“Here you go,” you say as you walk to the door and place the pudding cup and wooden spoon by the small opening in his door for him to take. “I had a look and saw you requested some paper and crayons?” Minho blinks as he looks at you, nodding slowly while his hands quickly take the pudding, “I can find you some colouring books with cats in them, I know that recreation time for you isn't as long as the others so that way you have something to do in your room. Would you like that?” Another nod, cautious but with the hint of a smile. It’s not surprising really, you know that a lot of the nurses here don’t seem to care much about the patients so your interactions with Minho are always touch and go because he must be waiting for the day where you turn like the rest of them.

Not that you will. You refuse to let them win like that.

“I’ll collect your trash on my next round, okay?” You say before continuing your walk down the hallway, reaching the end where Room 1003 is. “H-hello?” You say, standing on your tiptoes as you look through his window and find that the man isn’t laying on his bed, back to you, like he normally is. He’s sitting on the bed, elbows resting on his knees while staring at his hands. You cannot see his face is hidden in the dark as he doesn’t have his light on and the only light provided is what comes through the small door window, which you’re covering by looking through. “Can you hear me?” His head turns towards you and you gasp as you see him.

You aren’t sure what you had been expecting when you finally met him, when you finally put a face to the mysterious rumours you’ve heard about the ‘psychotic, twisted, murderous patient’ but what you are met with – isn’t even close to what you may have thought. His black hair is messy like he’s just woken up and his dark eyes are emphasised by the dark circles underneath, you wonder if he’s slept at all with how hollow and empty they make his eyes look, his lips are downturned but not quite frowning, more like he’s annoyed by someone speaking to him.

He stares at you for a moment, taking in your wide-eyed expression before tilting his head as his lips pull up at the corners into a slight smirk. “Ah, the angelic nurse. I’ve heard about you.” His voice is soft, surprisingly soft for the way he looks, “what do I owe the pleasure of finally meeting your acquaintance?”

It takes you a moment to collect your thoughts and respond, “oh,” you take the liquorice bag from your pocket and place it down for him to grab. “Johnny told me that you had asked for liquorice last week.” The man looks at the open slot, eyeing the bag suspiciously before looking up at you for an answer. It takes you a moment, a small smile on your lips before you look behind at the camera and realise that you may be running out of time. “I guess that I like to make sure that my patients are looked after because something like a sweet treat isn’t that bad and I think it’s silly to be denied it.” There’s a silence that falls that has you shifting a little uncomfortably in your spot as he looks at you. “Well, I better get going. Don’t tell Johnny, I’ll get in trouble.” Rushing away, you quickly head back to the nurse’s office and let out a sigh of relief when you find Johnny still asleep in his chair.

Taking your seat next to him, you look at your phone before the voice in the back of your mind tells you to look at the cameras. Squinting slightly, you notice that the patient in Room 1003 has taken the bag which has you smiling a little before you look at the window of his room and notice that he’s standing there, staring at the camera – almost like he’s looking directly at you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Looking at the bag, Chan grins, chuckling to himself as he lays down on his bed and rips it open with his teeth. The chewy, teeth-rotting sweet raspberry liquorice is a nostalgic taste, something he hasn’t indulged in for a few years – six, to be exact. He wonders if you’re as sweet as he chews his first piece in thought, the flavours rich on his tongue that have had nothing but bland asylum meals in what feels like a lifetime.

It would have been so easy to ask for your name but then where would the fun be in that? Wouldn’t it be much more exciting to learn everything from your conversations with Minho and then impress you the next time he spoke to you? Chan thinks about how you would react, it’s been a while since he got to mess with any of the nurses. The males refuse to give him much time or attention, refuse to play along. Johnny always ignored him, hearing his reputation and knowing it’s better to keep away than to be caught up in his web. However, the females? Ryujin was a real delight, just as crazy as they all were here but she knew what she wanted and she took it, but you? Oh, you look so innocent in comparison to the other nurses which made you perfect.

Nothing excites him more than the thought of slowly corrupting the innocent.

You wouldn’t know about anything that happens in this place, so doe-eyed and fresh, you wouldn’t have been pulled down to the level that the rest of them are at. Ironic really, how those who are meant to be helping them are just as crazy as they are but the only difference is that they aren’t a danger to society. Unlike him. Chan is willing to show you though, have your eyes opened to the chaos that resides within these walls and the more you aren’t willing to accept, the more he’ll push until you can’t resist it because everyone has a little bit of darkness residing inside them – all it takes is the right person to help drag it out.

Kicking or screaming, either way is fine.

A dark chuckle passes through his lips as he bites down on another piece of liquorice, thinking about his new toy to play with before hiding the bag down the side of his bed. He wouldn’t want anyone to notice that someone has snuck him in a treat – not that anyone would really care. Chan stares up at the roof, the darkness around him only broken by the light coming through his door window and sleep doesn’t greet him until he hears your soft footsteps coming down the hall. So pretty. He wonders if he should let Ryujin know that, he knows how jealous she can be and he’s well aware that she despises your positive attitude. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see what his last toy does to the shiny new plaything that’s come into his sights?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chan’s days are dreadfully mundane except for the one hour of recreation time he’s allowed. The day starts with their ward being collected and taken to the mess hall to eat, given their pills to keep them agreeable before sitting them down to force grey slope into their bodies, washing it down with watery, lukewarm tea – delicious. He should have played better with others, he shouldn’t have let his arrogance get out of hand and maybe he would be laying in his bed, listening to music rather than having to partake in the torture that is mass. “Pray for your souls,” the priest cries to the peeling roof while Chan cleans his nails even though they aren’t long enough to need cleaning.

“Are you ready?” His head turns towards Ryujin’s voice, her smile looking rather sweet today while she opens his door. Ah, it must be recreation time. The days blur together so much that Chan barely remembers heading back to his room to stare at the four walls, the plain off-white walls that would gradually drive him insane if he wasn’t firmly there already.

Standing up, he puts on his shoes and walks to the door, offering Ryujin his arm. “If it isn’t my favourite nurse.” He says with a charming smile, causing Ryujin to blush as she takes his arm and walks with him outside. “Are you joining me later in my room?” He whispers in her ear as if anyone cared to listen to them. Looking around, she shakes her head and Chan sighs, disappointed that he’s once again being stood up. “Ever since you change shifts, you’ve become quite a hard woman to catch.”

“I like being able to walk around outside with you,” Ryujin clings to Chan, who forces a smile onto his face. “It’s like we are having little dates, just like you promised.” Ah, yes, his words coming back to haunt him once again. “Besides, isn’t the thrill of getting caught exciting when I do come to visit you?”

Humming softly, Chan looks over at one of the nurses smoking, giving zero fucks about what is happening around them. “It does make it rather interesting to see how long it takes before someone realises that you aren’t doing your job but you know I don’t like being rushed or interrupted.” He stops and looks at Ryujin, leaning in closer and taking a soft whiff of her neck, noting the hint of cologne on her skin. “Mm, smells like you’ve been rather busy though. Is that why you were so eager to switch shifts with the sweet newbie nurse?” Ryujin pulls away, covering her neck and looking at him in shock

Oh, how did he know? She should know by now that he’s very intuitive, very good at picking up on things and figuring out people. He’s a puppeteer and she’s always been his little puppet, or well, she used to be.

He can see the thoughts cross her mind before she manages to verbalise them, the words that are meant to cut him deep and make her feel like she’s holding all the cards but as she says them, it only solidifies the thoughts that Chan’s already had playing in his mind. “You know that this doesn’t mean anything, that this was only a fairytale to help us pass the time.” Ryujin can see it in his eyes that she’s done for. “We-we were never going to be able to live the fantasy you tried to sell because you were never going to leave this place. We both know that.” She continues to ramble, digging her hole deeper while Chan doesn’t do anything other than stand there expressionless and watching her with dark, tired eyes.

“Nurse Ryujin,” she winces at the way he says her name with no emotion, “I’d like to go back to my room now. I’m tired.” Not entirely a lie, he’s tired of listening to her try and defend herself but also he doesn’t feel like walking around the same grounds he knows like the back of his hand with a woman he would rather strangle. Maybe he’ll get the chance soon but for now, he’d rather be in his room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are harder to work out because you don’t give Chan the chance to talk to you, smiling at him when you walk past and check his room before he manages to grab your attention; it’s frustrating but he’s always been up for a challenge and he’s got all the time in the world to work you onto his side, wrap you around his little finger. It takes him a while to get you to talk to him, small conversations at the beginning, asking for things like liquorice and honey cashew nuts, giving you a sense of fulfilment when you bring these things to him and creating the thrill that comes with breaking the rules. Not that anyone would stop you from doing it because all of the nurses break the rules and the doctors are far worse but it didn’t take Chan long to figure out that you weren’t like the others, courtesy of Johnny and his grumblings down the hallway about how you are so proper - so good.

It takes him a month to move up from small conversations initiated by him for you to always peer in his door when you walk past, waving and waiting for him to talk to you. You don’t react too much to his flirtation, laughing it off and telling him that he must sweet talk all the nurses - yes but not since his latest obsession with you. The other nurses have noticed this, the cold shoulder that he started giving Ryujin began to spread to the others because they began to feel too easy, they didn’t challenge him enough while you provide everything he needs to keep him preoccupied. How does he catch your attention? Would you sit in his room and talk with him? Do you taste as sweet as you sound when you speak with that cheerful tone like the world couldn’t be more beautiful?

How wonderful will it feel to finally break you and have you doing everything he asks you to do?

It takes another month to get you to start opening up about your life, your life is tragically less than happy from what you tell him and Chan, of course, sympathises with you, offering you someone to talk to whenever you’re having a hard day. Such a gentleman, isn’t he? “I couldn’t do that to you, Chan,” oh, you sound adorable saying his name, “it seems rather inappropriate for a nurse to be turning to a patient like that.” Hmm, so close but he doesn’t give up; with the trouble that has started brewing for you when you start your shift, he’s sure that you’ll be crying to him in no time.

No boyfriend, barely able to see your friends and your family unsupportive of your life - he’s really going to be all you have to vent your frustrations to.

“Whenever you need a shoulder, kitten, you know you can come to sit down and rest your heart here for a moment.” He learnt that the pet name is something that manages to get a desirable response, there were many failed attempts before reaching something satisfactory. You blush slightly, looking down and brushing a stray lock of hair behind your ear before muttering a soft thank you and continuing your rounds.

Five months, two weeks and six days. That’s how long it takes for you to begin opening up to him; Chan has to give you credit because he really thought you would only take a few weeks but you held out well. If you’re honest with yourself, there were moments when you nearly folded, needing to take the time to remember that this man was a patient, essentially a prisoner based on his file, and it is your job to make sure he is looked after - not the other way around. Chan could tell that there had been moments, little ones where your cheeks flushed slightly or your eyes would widen but try as he might, you would only give him a few minutes of your time each round and you would never open the door.

Until now and now that you have, he can begin the next step, the next phase and if you continue to follow the path that he lays down, it won’t be long until he has you completely under his spell.

He’s the Pied Piper luring you down the street with finely articulated words until you fall into his trap, Chan’s very good at that, it’s his speciality and he’s rather proud of it. He has the time too, the time to plan and scheme, to gently press buttons and see what reactions he gets before putting everything he’s learned together to capture you. He has already laid it all out, like a strategist putting all the pieces in place before the war begins, and now all Chan has to do is confirm that you trust him enough for him to start the game that nobody knows they are playing but him.

The metal door eerily squeaks as it opens and he lifts his head to see you standing there, holding the door and looking at the floor. Oh, how adorable you look like this, so uncertain as you take the first step towards him, conflicted between what you should do and what you are doing. “Kitten?” He raises an eyebrow, feigning concern as you stand at the entrance, just inside his room, and shake slightly. “What are you doing?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It has been a hard day, so much has happened and you wanted to just disappear from the world but you couldn’t, your own need to find some kind of positive in the world keeps you from throwing everything into the fire and letting it burn. You find yourself looking at the picture of your ex, his arm wrapped around his new girlfriend, every moment your mind wandered to the news. Pregnant. You know he cheated on you, that isn’t news at all but it’s the who more than anything that has you wishing you had it in you to curse the world.

“Who’s that?” Johnny says as he notices that you’ve been looking at the picture for the past ten minutes, and several times throughout your shift. “That your sister or something?”

It takes you a moment to answer, the words feeling like bile in your mouth as they come out. “My supposed best friend.” You say, his face moving from your phone to your face and you do not need to see his expression to know what’s going through his mind. “And my ex.”

You hear the low ‘shit’ under his breath before you sniff, blinking back tears before standing up and placing your phone in your pocket. Your feet move on their own at this point, walking you purposefully towards Chan’s room and before you even realise what you’re doing, you are standing there, hands by your side in fists with him looking at you curiously. “Kitten, what are you doing?”

You raise your head, looking at him with tears beginning to well in your eyes, silently begging them not to fall. He’s concerned, why does it make your heart feel a little lighter to know that he’s concerned? Chan is a patient, you’ve always reminded yourself that he’s a patient and you shouldn’t be here but he doesn’t feel like a patient, like he belongs here, even if you know his file and know why he’s here - you are still convinced that there is some kind of mistake. Chan’s always been nice to you, never pushing your boundaries or making you feel uncomfortable; he’s slowly worked your walls and allowed you to come to him in your own time while he’s shared small pieces of his own life.

His family, his dreams, what he would be doing if he wasn’t here. You know him, so you keep telling yourself.

“I…” Your voice breaks and Chan stands, moving to your side and carefully reaching for your hand. You tried to smile through everything, you have always tried to have a positive outlook on life and the things around you but it’s hard. So hard. Once you feel his touch, you break, the sobs wracking through your chest as you fall forward and the man has to catch your frame, bracing himself for the sudden action. “I don’t know what to do.” You manage out in between your sobs, hands holding onto him like he’s all that stands between you and the floor that you desperately want to fall to. “I tried to be so happy and optimistic in life because you have to be, you can’t- you can’t just hate the world but I want to… I want to curse it.”

That’s all he needed to hear. You’re so close, oh so close to where he needs you to be. He’s been listening for months about things in your life and he’s always been impressed how you always tried to be so calm, so sweet, so happy about the terrible card that life has dealt you. He wondered what you would be like if you got angry and threw a punch, how you tear down the world and watch it burn simply for it wronging you, Chan has dreamt about how delicious your wrath would be when you finally broke. You’re not there yet, a little broken now but now he just needs to keep pushing, keep chipping away at that patience until you are everything he knows you could be.

He can see it. Laying underneath the surface, Chan can see that you are like him. All you need is a reason to set it ablaze, to hurt those who hurt you, all you need is to see the world for what it truly is and hate it with every fibre in your body.

The sweeter they are, the crazier they tend to be.

You don’t realise that he’s helped you to his bed, sitting you down before crouching in front of you, hands gently holding yours. “Hey,” he asks, trying to catch your eyes but you sniff and lift a hand to wipe away your tears. “I’ve always told you that you can talk to me, that I’ll listen, do you want to talk about it?” You shake your head; you shouldn’t even be here, let alone crying to him and dumping your problems onto him.

Hmm, maybe you need a little more time.

You don’t notice Chan’s frown of annoyance at your reluctance, he could always change tactics but he needs to remain consistent right now. “What would you like?” A shrug has him sighing softly, trying not to show his irritation. “Do you just want to sit here for a moment before you head back?” A nod, ah, that can be worked with.

Soft encouragements have you shuffling back until your back rests against the cold brick wall and Chan moving to sit beside you, holding your hand and carefully guiding your head to his shoulder while you silently cry out the pain that weighs so heavily in your chest. He doesn’t say a word, on the outside, he looks like he’s comforting you while in his head, he’s calculating and working out the next phase of his plan. You cry, he hushes you softly, holding your hand and doesn’t look at you with pity. You would hate that so you’re thankful.

Maybe it’s not too bad, letting him be there for you, maybe it’s not too bad having someone there to comfort you when you need it but you know that it could be anyone but him - it should be anyone but him. You’ve opened that door though, even when you walk back through and close the door, the lock cannot be latched and it’ll only be a matter of time until you’re back here again.

You shouldn’t come back.

You really shouldn’t.

But you will be and he’ll be waiting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’ve been what?!” The woman’s shriek startles a few others who are around but Ryujin doesn’t care as she glares at Chan with enough venom to kill a snake. “How long? Is this why you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder?”

Chan worked out that the best way to bring you back to him, to have you rely on him and turn to him is to find reasons for you to harbour hate in your heart. You’re too kind, it’s disgusting really, endearing sometimes but he wants you to give in to those dark feelings you felt that night and the best way to do that is to bring more to the surface. He cannot mess with your personal life, he sadly will be confined to this hellhole for the rest of his natural life, a shame really but better than prison, but Chan can make you see this place for what it really is.

Hell. For the lack of a better word but yet, through your eyes, it’s a place that helps those who cannot help themselves. True for the most part, but if only you saw what lay further under the surface and that’s what Chan wants to show you. There is no good in everyone, there is no hope here. The nurses abuse their powers, patients sleep with the staff, doctors steal pills and while there is enough funding that goes into the building to fix the problems that happen during the storms - they prefer to spend it on themselves rather than the facility that needs it.

You’ll see it soon, he’ll show you and it’ll be beautiful when you finally crack.

“You seem surprised,” he responds, looking at her coldly, “the moment you decided to fuck around behind my back was the moment I was done with you so why not find a new toy?” Chan had given Ryujin the idea that you’ve replaced her, that you’ve been warming his bed at night which has gained the desired response from the fiery woman.

Anger.

So misdirected, he thinks as he watches Ryujin storming around the garden, causing people to steer clear of her. Isn’t it rather funny how he’s the one who has discarded her, he’s the one who is playing his games with someone else and pulling your poor innocent soul into the dark unknown, and yet you’re the one she’s going after? He will never tire of such a thing but he doesn’t find as much amusement in it as he usually would have because he knows that you’ll be in the line of fire and he’ll be the one needing to save you. A tedious job for him to have to do but it’ll be worth it.

Kill two birds with one stone.

“She’s going to regret this,” the furious nurse storms off, leaving Chan unaccompanied in the garden and listening to the woman screaming down the hall. Chaos is about to unleash so he needs to move faster than intended because while he knew Ryujin would go for you - he never expected her to act so quickly. It’s not surprising since she’s had it out for you since day one but it is bothersome because he thought he might have had some time to prepare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The lights went out, a loud clunk that caused everything to shut down and had Johnny sighing. You pull out your phone, the light illuminating your face before turning on your flashlight and pointing it towards Johnny, who looks just as irritated and confused as you are. During the storms that seem to happen quite often out here, the fuse seems to blow to prevent any surges and you have to head down and flick the switch but there is no storm tonight, so why are the lights out?

“I’ll head down and check the fuse box.” He stands up, grabbing his keys because the systems will be down, “you do the rounds and make sure none of the patients try and sneak out.” You are pretty sure some of them are asleep because you had just finished your rounds but you don’t want to risk it. If some of these patients took advantage of the outage and slipped back into society, not only would lives be at risk but also the reputation of the hospital - meaning you would be out of a job.

Everything seems louder in the dark, the sound of your footsteps, the deep snores from some of the rooms but before you make it to Chan’s room, a hand grabs a fistful of your hair and yanks you back, causing you to cry out in surprise and pain. “H-help-” You call out, realising that nobody is around to help you and none of the patients would either, they would use your struggle as an escape. You reach around, dropping your phone in the process, to try and work out what is going on and who’s grabbed you. “L-let me-ah! Let me go!” You manage to get free by swinging your elbow back in hopes of hitting them enough to stun them, making a break for it when you feel their grip loosen.

“You little bitch!” You hear her voice but don’t register it as you bolt in the only direction that you can think of - Chan’s room.

A large hand wraps around your wrist and pulls you into the room, covering your mouth with a low hushing sound coming out from the man in front of you. The lack of light makes you hyperaware of everything else, the heat from his body pressing you against the wall, the sound of your heart racing in your ears and the screeching coming from out in the hallway.

“Are you seriously hiding from me?” You finally realise who it is, eyes widening as you try and see Chan in front of you, barely able to make out his side profile. You can’t tell for sure, even this close, but from the low growl sounding from him, you are sure he’s unimpressed.

“Cha-” you try to speak through the hand over your mouth.

The slight tensing indicates that you need to be quiet, his body moving in closer until you feel his lips graze the shell of your ear. “Quiet now, kitten. Let me take care of you.” You shiver slightly, missing the smirk he wears thanks to the dark, “hide under my bed and don’t come out until I come to get you.” His tone is comforting, authoritative and because of how scared you currently are, you listen.

It’s cute really, how easily you follow his order but his enjoyment over your obedience is cut short when Ryujin steps into the doorway, causing you to scramble. They stand still while you press as close to the wall under the bed as you can, trying to make yourself small and invisible while Chan glares at the intruding woman. “She needs to learn her place.” The words are less aggressive than what she was prior and you wonder why she’s not telling Chan to move.

“You need to learn your place.” Chan counters, stepping forward and causing Ryujin to step back.

Chan’s file had a lot of things redacted from it and all you could gather was that he did some bad things that should have had him locked in jail but due to his seemingly unstable mind, he was locked away here to rot. You could never understand though, he’s intelligent, funny and thoughtful - you have never been able to see the darkness that resides within him but that’s why it made you so easy to fool. Even while he has Ryujin stepping back in fear, all you could think about is how Chan is protecting you rather than using your misfortune to his advantage. Chan isn’t good, not in the slightest but you refuse to believe it, not that he minded at all because convincing you that he’s not at all as bad as everyone tries to say he is provided him with some great entertainment over the past months. He’s provided you with a shoulder, an ear and now he just needs to protect you, give you those things you are lacking so that you become reliant and malleable, putty in his hands to mould you into what he sees behind your soft doe eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maybe his methods were a little extreme, after all, he didn’t have to kill her especially because he was the one who put the target on your back but he needed to make sure, absolutely sure, that you trusted him.

Chan looks down at his hands, Ryujin’s blood staining his skin, his white shirt, and pooling at his feet as the lights turn back on, the sounds beginning to explode around him as the asylum comes back to life. What perfect timing, even as he’s smiling to himself, his face is completely void of emotion when Johnny runs into the hall, halting halfway when he sees Chan and spots the blood. He’s standing there, his eyes wide and mouth open as if he’s about to say something but he doesn’t quite know what to say; Chan looks over at him, head tilting to the side slightly as he looks at Johnny and before anything could even be said, he turns on his heel and walks towards his room.

If anyone asked Johnny about what he saw in Chan’s eyes, he would only be able to explain it as insanity, pure crazy, which only further proves why he did it. There’s no way this was premeditated and when you tell your side of the story, it’ll be clear that Chan acted in defence - if he didn’t do anything, who knows what Ryujin would have done to you.

Chan’s voice is soft, crouching by his bed and reaching his hand under for you to take, “are you okay?” He asks, concerned about you. Not really but who are you to know otherwise? “She’s gone now, she can’t hurt you.”

“G-gone?” You ask but from the state of Chan, he doesn’t need to elaborate on what he said because it’s clear that she’s dead. “What-” you swallow thickly, voice shaky and small as he helps you stand up straight. “What happened?”

Shaking his head, Chan looks you over and brushes your hair out of your face, his fingertips lingering a little longer than they should but you aren’t about to push him away. “Don’t worry about the details,” because he can’t be bothered telling you, “however, you didn’t answer my question, kitten. Are you okay?”

Are you okay? That’s the question of the century right now because you aren’t entirely sure right now. You are shaking, you are scared and all you can think about is how you will be heading to an empty home with no one there beside you.

As you shiver, the adrenaline leaving you and the reality of the situation settling into your bones, Chan wraps you up in his arms, muttering words of comfort. They are empty, hollow, unable to be guaranteed and fulfilled but all you can think about is how nice they are. In his arms, you think about how safe you feel. Right now, you could lay down beside him and sleep, unafraid of tomorrow and what will await you in this hell when you have to recount the events of tonight to a thousand people who will find ways to blame you.

No, they wouldn’t blame you, right? You didn’t do anything wrong, she attacked you unprovoked.

Yet, she’s dead. You’re alive. How can she defend herself while you drag her name through the mud?

They’ll find every way to blame you for this, find ways to drag you further into the dark depths that surround this place and what will you do then? How will you survive when they finally break everything good inside you? Will you conform to their ways, tumble down the rabbit hole and drink their potions or will you claw your way back to the surface and hold onto the light inside you?

“Kitten?” Chan’s voice is so close, his breath warm against your cheek as he brings you back to the present, eyes searching yours for something that you aren’t certain of but he seems to be pleased to find. “You must be heading into shock, you aren’t quite yourself.” His lips pull into a soft smile as he detaches himself from you, leaving you standing in his room alone while he heads to go find Johnny. You can only see the back of his head as he walks away, the smile on his lips twisting into triumph because he got exactly what he wanted from this. Chan could see it in your eyes as you spaced out, he could see the darkness slowly creeping in and all the resistance you had leaving you.

He’s got you, Chan chuckles quietly before dropping his smile, he’s got you in the palm of his hands and now, you’re his. All he has to do is make that claim on you known, make sure that you know that you are his and that you’ll always be his and his alone until he decides to let you go. Maybe he’ll let you live a little, maybe he’ll be greedy and keep you all to himself, whatever he decides doesn’t matter because your grip on the way you view the world is slipping and soon, you’ll see everything for what it is.

Hell. There is no bright side, no greener grass, everything is dark and twisted - even you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been over a week since everything happened and you wish that you could say that you came out unscathed, that your view on the world didn’t change, but that would be lying and no matter how bad things are right now, you don’t want to lie. While you weren’t blamed for Ryujin’s death, Chan had been reprimanded for his actions and you found that unfair, you couldn’t understand why he had been placed in solitary and put on trial for protecting you. In your eyes, he’s a hero, specifically your hero, and should be treated as such but instead, they throw him into a padded cell and try to figure out what to do with him.

You walk into the office, sighing as you pull out your book and wait for your shift to start. You had arrived early because there really isn’t anywhere else that you have to go these days; you had lost touch with your friends due to work, you couldn’t stand how fake people were being which caused you to pull away from people and your family has made comments about your attitude that began to annoy you. Without being fully aware, you had slowly changed, turning into someone that saw behind the rose-coloured veil and saw things for what it is - shit.

The world isn’t as great as everyone likes to believe it is and now you can see that.

As you lose yourself in the book, the time ticking by agonisingly slow, you overhear the nurses that are on shift mumbling to each other as they walk past. “I heard that they released him,” one of them says, causing you to tilt your head absentmindedly in their direction, “the one that killed Ryujin. They said that he acted in self-defence, she apparently attacked one of the night nurses beforehand then tried to attack him.” You slam the book shut and turn to look at them, while they are completely unaware of your attention.

“I was told by one of the security guards that the power had been purposely cut and there is no footage of the incident so they can only go by word.” They continue to walk but you don’t care to hear anymore as you rush out the door and towards his room.

Chan had finally been released and while you know you shouldn’t be so happy, so excited to see him, your feet take you to him like you are on a mission. It has been painful, not physically but mentally, emotionally painful to not be around him, near him. You need him, you had come to realise, because he made your time at work worth it - or, at least, he made it feel like he did. How would your life be if you had never met the patient in Room 1003? How would you be if you had never met him? You can barely even think about the person you were before you had met him because Chan had slowly started to consume your every thought, had started to become a normal interaction in your day that life before him nearly didn’t seem to exist, like it was a blur, and that is not healthy.

Not at all.

Chan hadn’t expected you to come bursting through his door but he isn’t going to say that he’s disappointed, even though you look a little out of your depths when you open the door to him standing there, shirtless. His eyes rise to the metallic mirror in his room, catching your wide eyes as you blush and look away. “Well,” his voice is a little rough from not having been using it while in solitary, “look who came to be my first visitor~” He turns to face you and you can feel his gaze gliding over your body, causing you to heat up. “Aren’t you going to say hello?”

Your eyes are firmly on the floor, shifting nervously because you had never seen him like that. You’ve only ever seen Chan fully clothed, though you know that you would be lying if you said that you haven’t been thinking about what he feels like under those boring white uniforms the patients have to wear. You would be lying if you said that you haven’t been wanting to know how his hands feel against your bare skin, lips sliding over yours as he takes your breath away. Oh, how you would be lying if you said that you haven’t moaned his name in your sleep - completely unaware of the hold he has over you. “H-hello,” you stutter, cringing at how small and helpless you sound but Chan loves it.

He’s waited for this for so long and now it’s right here, all he has to do is take it.

Chan walks towards you, each step seemingly echoing in the small room and your heart almost beats out of your chest. Time moves slowly, your breath a little shaky, body vibrating with anticipation and by the time that Chan has approached you - you’ve looked up at him, eyes wide as you look him over and take all of him in. His muscles are heavily defined, the shadows accentuating the dips of his abdomen from the light source outside of the room; he’s larger than you expected, the drab clothes that usually hang loose truly hide his sculpted body and you realise how much of a shame that is. He’s worked so hard on keeping himself in shape, something you seem to forget is probably the one thing he can do here, and he can’t show it off, be proud of it.

It’s not until you hear Chan’s low chuckle that you come out of your trance, fingers tracing over his abdomen as you had started to zone out and be inside your head. “I mean, if you want to touch, by all means, but I didn’t think it would be you making the first move~” He teases, causing you to quickly retract your hand and shake your head.

“I-I-” You begin, trying to find the words that meant ‘no, it isn’t like that’ but can you really lie at this point? Of course not, you are too far gone to be able to deny him and yourself the final reward of his game. You stop stammering as you look into his dark eyes and see his desire staring back at you. “I want this,” you swallow all your worries, all your nerves and steel yourself to the reality of what’s about to happen.

What you want to happen.

The moment those words left your lips, Chan cups your face and moves closer, your hands moving to rest on his hips as he gazes deep into your eyes, searching for any sign of hesitation. “The moment I start,” he lowers his soft lips to graze against yours, breath mixing with your slow exhale, “I’m not going to stop.” He knows you won’t want him to, your eyes are already closed, waiting for his lips to close the small, minute distance. “I’m going to have you all to myself, my pretty little plaything to do as I please,” his tongue sneaks out and briefly touches your bottom lip, causing you to open it obediently. “Are you okay with that, kitten?” Chan isn’t really asking because he already knows the answer but it’s always best to give you a false sense of control. All you manage to respond with is a soft, pleading moan which is all he needed before kissing you, soft in the beginning, holding your face like you are glass, fragile and delicate, before his tongue snakes inside your mouth to caress against yours.

You don’t think you’ve ever been kissed like this before but then again, you don’t think. You can’t think. Everything that he is is soon overtaking your senses, your body reacting to his touches rather than a conscious decision, like Chan knows where all your sweet spots are, how to coax the lewdest noises from you, and the right amount of pressure to have your body putty under his fingertips. Your body moves under his command, arms holding onto him only to keep you from being too far away from him, even if it’s just an inch, as he guides you to his bed.

Chan could be laying you down in a bed of soft petals from the way he gently lays you onto the single bed, pulling away to gaze down at you, triumphant in his success but you take it as adoration. With a quick glance over at the open door, he’s quick to close it, not wanting any unwanted visitors disturbing the moment that you’ve both been waiting for - for different reasons. “You look so pretty like this,” you’d look even prettier tied up and spread for him but Chan takes what he can get, “can we play a little game, hm? I don’t want to waste this time with you greedily indulging but I also want to make it special.”

“Special?” You look at him, eyes shining with the excitement that had quickly replaced your nerves. You would never be doing this, the old you that is - the you that held onto your sanity and your sweet naive views - but unknowingly you were shaped into everything Chan wanted you to be. Without realising it, you became hungry for the insane, seeing the world as dark and twisted as he did and while you are still foolishly holding on to the way things once were - you’ll soon be his pretty kitten on his lap without needing to be told.

Chan nods, moving closer, hand outstretched as you sit up to look at him, his fingers gently under your chin. “Pretend with me,” he says, voice so soft and sweet like he’s confessing his love and your head moves on its own, up and down in a trance-like nod. “Pretend we are in your room, laying in your bed as we kiss. Pretend that you’re mine, you are everything I want you to be and I’m all yours. I’m yours to do as you please while you are mine to have how I want. Can you do that for me?”

“It’s just pretend?” You ask, blinking a little and Chan nods. He could pull out all the stops but he needs to make sure you can handle him first - a toy isn’t good if it breaks the first time you play with it. It takes you a few seconds to think before you give him another nod which has Chan almost groaning with how sexy he finds your obedience. If you keep this up, maybe he’ll be able to keep you like this for the entirety of your employment here - or until he’s bored.

“That’s a good girl,” he leans forward, kissing you again and smirking against your lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That first night had started it all, your slow descent into madness soon became a full tumble down into a hole that you are no longer capable of getting out of.

Chan’s hand grabs your thigh, sliding up your skirt while his lips attach against your neck, sucking a dark mark against your skin as your head tilts back with the softest moan leaving your kiss swollen lips. You had taken a week off to visit family, a rare occasion that you had discussed with him before going but it didn’t stop him from grabbing your wrist and dragging you to a secluded area the moment he saw you. His possessiveness is showing as he bites down on the fresh, sensitive mark and growls before finding another patch of skin to cover in his claim. Strong fingers push your panties aside and drag through your folds, coating themselves in the slick that had begun to lubricate your entrance, readying you for what will inevitably come.

Once upon a time, you would have said that this is unusual behaviour for the man but it really isn’t and you know that by now. Chan is dominant, demanding and very possessive of what is his.

You are his.

What he doesn’t appreciate, no fault of yours because you couldn’t exactly describe your current situation to your family, is when someone tries and make a move on what is his. A family friend had tried to set you up with their son, a handsome man and someone that the old you would have gone for in a heartbeat which is why Chan is making it his mission to remind you that he’s the only person who could make you feel the way he does. He’s the one who helped you see the world for what it is and unlocked a side of you that relished in the darkness of it all.

“Kitten,” you moan lewdly at the way he growls your pet name, teeth dragging down your jugular as he rubs your slick against your throbbing clit. “Did you consider it?” You shake your head because you didn’t, it wasn’t even a thought in your mind because your entire world has been surrounded by Chan. “Are you sure?” He adds the slightest bit of pressure, testing to see whether you would be allowed to cum tonight or whether he would be keeping you dripping and on edge for your entire shift.

“You,” you mutter, groaning slightly when he harshly bites down on your shoulder, hands gripping his strong biceps to keep you from falling. “Only you.”

“That’s a good girl,” he says, pulling back to look at you before looking around. The area is quiet, usually is at this time of night but Chan wants to make sure that you will not be disturbed because he’s not going to be done with you for a while. Absolutely not. “Turn around,” he commands and you are immediately reacting by turning around and getting into the position that he’s trained you to be in. The one where your hands rest against the wall firmly to keep you from being squashed against the rough surface, legs spread enough for Chan to lift your skirt and slide right in when he’s ready.

Chan loves to relish in you, in everything that you are and the way that you sound but it seems that his jealousy, albeit unwarranted, is getting the best of him as he pulls his hard cock out from his loose pants and strokes himself until he’s completely hard. He doesn’t want to waste any time, you’ve been gone for a week and that’s too long since he’s been had you so now that you’re here - why wait? Your panties are ruined in seconds as he rips them off you, the pain from the tearing fabric pulling at your skin causes you to wince but you don’t make a sound other than a soft moan because you know that you’ll be leaking cum for the rest of your shift and that thought alone has you clenching around nothing.

The tip of his cock is brushed between your folds, pre-cum and your juices mixing to lubricate him until Chan is satisfied enough to push into your heat, stretching you in a way that you’ll never get used to no matter how much he fucks you. Your head falls forward as your lips part in a soundless sigh, eyes fluttering closed as he slowly pushes in until his body is flush against yours. He cannot take his hands off your body, sliding underneath your shirt as he massages your breasts, lips pressing to the back of your neck before the beast takes over. That’s how you refer to him when he’s buried deep inside you, reaching all the places that your fingers could only dream to touch because he loses all sense of himself when he fucks you; Chan cares very little about anything other than the high, the feeling that comes when your body is spent completely and barely able to handle anything more, the way you cry his name with tears in your eyes from being overstimulated but begging for more.

He’s a beast and you are the helpless lamb offered to appease his hunger.

The way he fucks you, hips snapping as he pulls your body upright so that his teeth can tug at your earlobe, his growl vibrating through his chest and resonating through your soul, it’s the most emotion Chan’s ever shown. The man who would kill you in your sleep without blinking an eye, fucking you in all the ways that you’ve fantasised but never voiced - how could you not see this as anything other than a proclamation of his love for you. As crazy as it may seem, and you no longer see it as such, Chan loves you in the ways that he can.

Chan loves what you provide but why would he try to change your mind when you feel so good like this? Do you want love? He’ll make you scream his name. Do you want to see the stars? He’ll call you out in the middle of the night and fuck you until you see them. He craves you, in so many ways that it drives him even more insane than he already is, and he has you craving him so badly that you’ll tell yourself that this is love.

“You feel so good, kitten,” his breath is hot against your cheek, his voice deeper than usual from the exertion. He lets go of your breasts, adjusting your position slightly so that you are braced for what’s to come. “Since you’ve been good, maybe I should let you cum?” One hand grips your hips, his own never faltering in their fast pace, while his other hand sneaks around the front of your body and between your spread legs.

“Ah,” you sound, potentially alerting anyone who could be walking by but that’s the whole thrill of it all, isn’t it. The idea of being caught has always turned you on. “Ch-Chan-” Your hands are resting against the wall, nails dragging slightly down the harsh brick as he rubs your clit mercilessly, knowing exactly how close you are and how to get you to scream.

“It’s cute watching you try and hold it all back,” he chuckles, slamming into you hard and causing your body to jolt forward, pressing your chest against the wall. “I bet you want someone to come and watch, to stand there and see how pretty you look being fucked like this.” You shake your head but the way you lick your lips, clenching tightly around him, proves otherwise. “C’mon then, kitten, scream.”

You try and hold back, buckling under the intensity of the orgasm, biting down on your bottom lip so hard that it bleeds but you still can’t keep yourself from screaming, the sound muffled but still loud enough to discern what is going on. Chan doesn’t stop there though, only slowing down his ministrations enough to give you a moment to breathe, give you a false sense of security, and once you’ve settled enough to respond to him checking in on you - he’s back at it again.

Fucking you until he’s done, until his jealousy and possessiveness have settled for the night and boy, what a long night it’s going to be.

[bslrecs]

©straykeedz | do not copy/translate/plagiarize my works.

♡

welcome to my stray kids kinktober2023 masterlist! the idea behind this project is to post 31 drabbles within the month of october. the drabbles will all be nsfw, so minors please do not interact.

taglist open: to make sure i add you to the taglist, your age must be clearly visible on your profile. also, empty blogs will not be added - add at least a profile picture to your blog so that i’ll know you’re not a bot. ♡

♡

schedule:

day 1: bang chan + praise kink

day 2: lee know + accidental stimulation 

day 3: changbin + blowjob

day 4: hyunjin + cumshot

day 5: han + mommy kink

day 6: felix + double penetration in two holes

day 7: seungmin + mutual masturbation

day 8: i.n. + exhibitionism

day 9: bang chan + corruption kink

day 10: lee know + rimming

day 11: changbin + choking

day 12: hyunjin + marking

day 13: han + public sex

day 14: felix + thigh riding

day 15: seungmin + hair pulling

day 16: i.n.+ breeding kink  

day 17: bang chan + bulge kink

day 18: kee know + lactation kink

day 19: changbin + spit kink

day 20: hyunjin + consensual somnophilia

day 21: han + video taping

day 22: felix + dry humping

day 23: seungmin + car sex

day 24: i.n. + daddy kink

day 25: aussie line x reader + double penetration in one hole

day 26: lee know x reader x han + mirror sex

day 27: changbin x reader x i.n. + squirting

day 28: seungmin x reader x hyunjin + sensory deprivation 

day 29: vocalracha x reader

day 30: 3racha x reader

day 31: danceracha x reader

♡

-> don’t forget to reblog to show your support! ♡

here you can find my regular masterlist. ♡

[bslrecs]

TOOTH AND CLAW MASTERLIST

Women were dying. Every three nights, like clockwork, a new body was found on the street. Clothes torn, throat ripped and heart missing.

No one cared. No one even noticed. The people who were supposed to help did nothing. They refused to acknowledge their deaths.

Just because the women were sinful - a mix of prostitutes and witches.

You already had frustrated the police after each death, determined to make them even attempt to investigate. Your attempts were always ignored. You wanted to save these women from the monster hunting them. But, when your baby sister was the next on death's list - there was only one thing you could do.

Make a deal with the devil.

Lee Minho.

⎯⎯ pairs ‣‣‣ gang leader!lee minho x fem!witch!reader ⎯⎯ rating ‣‣‣ 18+ ⎯⎯ genre ‣‣‣ smut ‣ historical!au ‣ fantasy!au ‣angst ‣ crime drama ‣ strangers to frenemies to lovers ‣ soulmates(?) ‣ hurt ‣ dark fic ‣ slow burn ‣ mythical!au ‣ historical!au ‣ fantasy!au ‣ magic!au ‣ mafia!au ‣ detective!au ‣ peaky blinders!au

⎯⎯ status ‣‣‣ ongoing

⎯⎯ notes ‣‣‣ hehehehe look at me creating a new series mwehahha, I hope you're excited because I certainly am,,, make sure you keep your eyes peeled for this minho, he is a very tricky man >:)

click here to join the tag list!! make sure you send in your theories! it helps with motivation and i absolutely love all your ideas

hana

coven

burnt

thirty-nine

danger [summary]

taste

frozen

touch

guns

treat

drabbles [in order] ⎯⎯ trouble , need

fan theories/analysis ⎯⎯ chap.1 , characters , characters II

if you're able to support me and my writing, you can buy me a coffee here ♡

© COMET-FALLS 2023

[bslrecs]

𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐧 - baseball player bfb!kim seungmin x fem reader

wc: 14.2k

cw: enemies to lovers, very mean dom seungmin, mc makes out w chan in a friend way, mc is dramatic and a brat, seungmin is done w her shit but is very possessive, SMUT MDNI

synopsis: you love your best friend, you hate her baseball playing brother. he’s not been home for a few years during your summers back home, so you can’t wait for another amazing summer - until he returns home.

a/n: thank u all for being so excited abt this <3 sorry for the length. smut warnings under the cut!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

sw: very mean dom seungmin (again), face slapping, borderline exhibitionism, unprotected sex, creampies, multiple orgasms, heavy dirty talk, reader is a brat, breeding kink, reader is a painslut, begging

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

When you were a mere three years old, you met your platonic soulmate in the form of Kim Sieun. She had the exact same humour as you, loved climbing on the monkey bars and she had a dog. It was your three best friend criterias fulfilled. When she first invited you to her house for a playdate, you were thrilled, and you’ve been inseparable ever since.

You’ve been through everything together. Your first break-ups, your first hangovers, first parties, you name it - you’ve both been present for each other’s momentous events. You were pretty sure you’d both started your periods on the exact same day. She really was the other part of you, the second silver heart piece to your cheap friendship chain you’ve worn for years around your neck. 

The biggest heartbreak was when you moved away to attend university, and Sieun stayed to begin a full-time job immediately after graduation. You’d been separated after being by each other's side for so long, when everything had been so perfect for you two up until then, only miniscule, small-term problems. 

Well, perfect apart from one thing. 

Her brother. Kim Seungmin was the bane of your existence. Ever since he met you, two years older than both you and Sieun, he found it funny to ruffle your hair and make fun of how shy and timid you were. It’s something you’d brush off now, being the person you grew into - confident, loud, straight up stubborn as some might say. When you were younger, though, this cut deep. You’d had your first ever crush on him, and confided in Sieun about the matter, to which she’d giggled and fake-gagged as if she wouldn’t be overjoyed to have you in the family. You’d had your first ever crush on him, and he’d made fun of you for years after as if he knew. You cannot stand him now. Even being in the same room as the guy boiled your blood. 

It was one of the reasons why you got rid of that personality. That wasn’t you. You were shy and timid because you were only a kid, God damn it! You’d love to say it hadn’t affected you, but it had, and you and Seungmin had bickered ever since you gained enough confidence to fight back. It was actually something Sieun found very amusing, insisting that the two of you were fated soulmates. 

Still, as you stood in the airport waiting for Sieun’s arrival to pick you up, you felt blessed. Coming home for the summer was always exciting. You got to see old friends, who would almost always have parties, and another exciting part was that you’d be staying with Sieun for a solid three weeks of it. It was going to be the best summer ever. Your parents had decided to go away on holiday two days before your arrival back home, and you couldn’t have felt more satisfied with the development.

Oh, and - Kim Seungmin would not be there. No, while you were a student busting your ass to make ends meet, Seungmin had obtained a full baseball scholarship to university and went straight into pro baseball once he’d finished. Of course he did. You tried not to let it bother you anymore, that he was so fucking successful while being so smarmy. It wound you up beyond belief, so you just avoided thinking about the guy altogether. 

Clutching onto your suitcase handle, you almost vibrated with excitement when Sieun’s half-dead car pulled up. Honestly, she’d had the same car since you were seventeen, and it hadn’t been fully working then. It was even worse after a few years. She kept saying she’d get her dad to look at it, but she was always out and about doing god knows what in said half broken car. It was a death trap.

Immediately, you saw the car door swing open - and almost fall off completely - when her engine completely stopped. Sieun bustled out of the car to the loading area of the airport, her puppy eyes wide and her legs shaking. She was going to scream, or jump, or die. Maybe all three. You weren’t doing much better - your eyes brimmed with tears when you embraced Sieun in a death grip of a hug. 

“I- missed- you- God, can’t breathe-“ Sieun grunted, trying to push you off. You pulled away, still with teary eyes as you gazed up at her. She was taller than you, almost matching her brother’s height. The whole family was relatively tall. As soon as you both looked at eachother, Sieun was gripping you in a firm hug again, and it was your turn to get suffocated. 

Once you’d eventually stopped hugging each other and crying - it had been approximately five months since you saw each other last - Sieun loaded your suitcase into the car and all but pushed you into the passenger seat. You groaned as you kicked through multiple McDonald’s cups to try and get your feet flat on the floor. Sieun simply giggled, settling into the driver’s seat. 

She plugged in her seatbelt, starting to drive back to her family home. “So, how’s college been? Any cute guys?”

“Sieun, I called you every week, you know what’s happened,” you laughed, playing around with the settings on her car to try and get the radio on. Did it even have a radio?

“The radio’s broken.” Of course it is. Well, it couldn’t get any worse - you’d already failed the Bechdel test. 

You leaned back against the seat, fingers playing with the friendship necklace chain. You hummed, trying to think of something Sieun may not know. “Well, there was this one guy. Super my type. Stoic, a little bit bitchy, you know? Dark hair, and all that. But when we ended up sleeping together, there was no chemistry.”

Sieun groaned in sympathy. “You know, I hate that! You really like a guy, and then he doesn’t even know where the clit is. It really pisses me off. How’s classes though?”

Sieun normally didn’t ask this many questions straight off the bat, especially not ones she knew the answers to. She was distracting you, sweetening you up by acting like she was just so interested in you. Something was fishy, and it wasn’t the strange smell of her car. When you turned to look at her, her plump lips were pouted as usual, covered in lip gloss - but there was an unmistakable twitch to them. Her eyes were narrowed, staring at the road ahead of her. She was hiding something.

You blinked. She started humming along to a song on the radio. There was no song on. Said radio was broken. “Sieun. What gives?”

Sieun sighed, slamming her hands down on the steering wheel. “Okay! I didn’t know how to tell you. I know this was meant to be our super amazing summer, face masks and beaches and just general slaying, so I didn’t want to ruin it.”

You realised you were arriving onto her street, the big house always taking you by surprise. You wanted to focus on Sieun’s words, but you were instead distracted by the driveway. Sieun’s parents shared a car, and Sieun had her own car. 

There were two cars in the driveway. Sieun’s parents’ car, a silver tank of a thing that looked like it could get through a boulder. Then, a sleeker car, perhaps closer to a sports car - much cleaner, much more expensive… with a personalised licence plate. No. No.

“My brother’s home.”

You wanted to die. Gone were your slay summer plans - now you’d be perpetually arguing with your best friend’s annoying older brother. He did absolutely everything deliberately to piss you off. Taking way too long in the bathroom brushing his teeth while you needed to pee, disconnecting the games controller when you were finally about to finish a boss fight… just petty activities like that. 

Why now? Why had he chosen this summer to come home, when he’d been away for every other summer playing baseball or whatever he does? No. He didn’t deserve to be back right now. You shook your head at Sieun. “I’m not going to let him ruin our awesome summer.” 

Sieun spluttered out a laugh. “Okay, Seungmin’s not the devil. You two bicker like an old married couple, y’know. Maybe there’s-“

“Shut. It.”

You didn’t have the time or the patience to hear yet another ten minute long spiel about how Sieun and her parents strongly believed that you and Seungmin were fated soulmates. The little patience you had completely disappeared when a figure bounded up to the car window. You turned to stare through the glass. 

Kim Seungmin. Stood there, beaming at you with that dumb smile that he always had when he was ready to wind you the fuck up. You had thanked every single god that your window was still rolled up, maybe you could just hide until he got bored and left - until Sieun rolled the window down with an evil chuckle. 

Then, you looked at him - like, really looked at him. The chubby cheeks he’d once possessed had disappeared with age, now sporting some nice looking cheekbones and a sharp jawline. The braces were gone, pearly white teeth showing with his smile, and his hair. God, his hair. He’d dyed the front of his hair blonde, and it was just slightly parted in the middle to show his forehead. He cocked his head at you, eyes glinting with menacing delight at your appearance. Oh no.

“Welcome back, brat.”

The bane of your existence had gotten fucking hot.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

It had just gotten worse. Once he’d pretended to have an ounce of chivalry by helping you take your suitcase inside, Seungmin had immediately reverted to the person he was the last time you saw him. Which was a while ago, by that point, since he’d always been too busy playing baseball games to make an appearance in your life for the past few years. You hadn’t really seen him since you went to university. It honestly made you feel relieved, but now you’d seen him - well, he was definitely better looking than he had been. That fact was only reinforced to you as you walked through their long hallway, taking in all the family pictures that had been up for so many years. You were even in a few of them, chubby cheeks and acne galore as you stood with your arm around Sieun. 

You’d stared at him all the way through dinner, in all honesty. After your second, adopted parents had greeted you and Sieun’s mother had cried upon seeing how much you’d grown - you hadn’t grown since you were thirteen, being on the shorter side of things - you’d all sat down to eat the hearty meal that she'd prepared. Seungmin sat in front of you in his assigned place, something you previously would’ve hated, but you could at least analyse him.

Yeah, something had changed. He was aesthetically pleasing, but you hadn’t forgotten his fucking behaviour. He was a menace. You shoved another forkful of the homemade lasagne in your mouth, furrowing your eyebrows at the boy sitting in front of you. 

His eyes flickered to look at you, but you didn’t even think about looking away. His eyes were so dark. Stoic, almost, and he was like… okay, yeah, he looked like your ex-fling from college. That’s weird. It didn’t even stop you maybe bordering on finding Seungmin attractive, as much as it put you off of your lasagne to even think of the concept.

“Can you stop fucking staring at me?” Seungmin hissed, his fork clattering down to the plate with an eye watering noise. You huffed, reaching forward to stab him with your knife before Sieun yanked your hand back. 

“Who said I was staring at you? I’m eating my fucking food, you heathen, and everytime I look up your ugly face is right in front of me-”

“Oh, I missed this!” Sieun’s mother smiled, her eyes fond. “Let me just get a camera, and I can take a picture of you three.”

Later on, in Sieun’s room, you both sat with your legs laid up against the headboard and sheet masks on your face. The anger was still burning in your stomach, but you were trying not to let everything revolve around him, like it always did. 

“So, we’re going to watch Seungmin’s baseball game tomorrow. Mum and dad are super excited about it,” Sieun said, painting your nails where your hand laid on her stomach. You groaned, feet kicking against the wall with small thuds. Sieun’s hand paused with the tiny paint brush, turning to look at you through narrowed eyes. “You don’t think he… looks different? Everyone’s been saying that since he came home.”

“Looks different?” You snickered. “Still looks pretty fucking weird to me. Seriously, how are the two of you even related? You’re pretty, nice, funny, and he’s so fucking- ugh! I can’t even explain it, and he-”

Sieun snorted. “You think he’s hot.”

You gasped, pulling your hand away. The nail polish smeared all over your finger, which was decidedly the one you used to point menacingly towards your lifelong best friend. “I do not! He’s gotten taller, yeah. The hair’s… different, but that’s the only thing that’s changed. He’s still fucking annoying, even after getting his braces off, and-”

“And you’ve noticed all these things about him,” Sieun sighed, leaning up and readjusting her whole body to sit cross legged, facing you. She put the paintbrush back in the nail polish bottle. The sheet mask made her look a lot less friendly than she was trying to be. The Sheet Mask Murderer could be a good horror film, you pondered, as she stared at you. “Bestie, I’m not going to be upset if you have a crush on my brother, you know? I know he’s grown up in the past year, and so have you. Things could be different now, and… you could be part of the family, officially, I guess.”

You screwed up your face, shock painting your expression. The sheet mask got caught in the lines of your forehead. “You’re deranged, Sieun. You know that, right? Like, you’ve actually lost the plot this time.”

Sieun sighed, fingers reaching to peel the sheet mask off of her face. “I have always been deranged.”

“Well, yeah, there is that.”

She flopped back down next to you, dark hair splaying around her head like a halo. “We will still have the best summer. I promise you.”

“Okay, my conditions are that we have to go to a lot of cool parties, get amazingly drunk and maybe fuck one or two people. Deal?”

“Um, duh? Deal.”

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You’d dreaded the baseball game all day. For starters, you were going to see baseball, something you had absolutely no clue about. Secondly, it was your literal enemy’s baseball game. It was also one of his pro games, and was taking place at a massive stadium where just about everyone seemed to know who Seungmin was and who his family was. You’d already had to witness Sieun posing with a peace sign for multiple selfies with fans once you’d all found your seats, and Sieun’s mother had already put an arm around you to show you exactly where Seungmin would be once the game started.

“He’ll be over there,” She pointed to a part of the field. You didn’t really care. You had no clue what baseball was or any of its rules - just that there were bats and they hit balls and ran. You decided that was all you needed to know. You weren’t going to do any research for it, not if it was him playing. 

You and Sieun had dressed up, too, because Sieun had thankfully found a beach party for you all to go to later. ‘All’ sadly included Seungmin and his gaggle of just as annoying friends. The only one you really got on with was Chan, who was mature and seemed to be ageing ten times quicker due to the stress the rest of the group caused him. You both kissed when you were drunk and had agreed you were just friends who liked to kiss, which was optimal for you, really. You had decided that you would dress up nicely in a borderline slutty white dress and sandals for the party, and you had makeup on. It was most definitely for the party, and not for any other reason.

When the game started, you thought you were going to have a heart attack and die. While Sieun and her family were cheering out Seungmin’s name, all you saw was that ass in tight, pinstripe trousers. He was grinning, waving over to your section - definitely not at you, he hated you and you were literally looking at him with the most shocked expression in that moment. He looked good. You decided it was okay to admit that mentally, because no one was ever going to hear you say it. His ass looked peachy and you wanted to bite into it like it was one, and maybe see what the front of his body looked like - all of it.

It all looked good, at least when he was wearing clothes. Broad shoulders pulled that jersey tight around them, and his hat was pulled low to almost obscure his dark eyes. When he rolled his neck, clicking it out with one broad hand before grabbing the ball, you knew your panties were wet. Soaking, actually, because he looked so broad and so tall and so fucking powerful on that pitch. You’d always had a thing for men who looked like they could fuck you like you were beneath them. The fleeting thought that Seungmin would definitely do just that caused your cheeks to blaze.

Obviously, his team won. Obviously he did, because then you had to stand there afterwards when his whole family hugged him and you just stood there kicking pebbles before wincing that it hurt your bare toes. Fuck sandals. Fuck Seungmin. 

Once he’d hugged Sieun, he turned to you, cheeks slightly pink from the exertion of the sport. You briefly thought about how baseball wasn’t even that tiring. One stripe of black paint on his cheek caught your eye when you looked at him. When Sieun elbowed your side, you looked up, arms folded across your chest. Seungmin blinked at you, hands in his pockets with a cocky smirk. You knew what he was waiting for. 

Mumbling, you spoke - “Congrats.”

“Say it properly, brat.”

“Fuck you, I don’t say what you want me to say!” You kicked a pebble at him successfully, smiling in accomplishment when it bounced off of his knee. He simply scowled, repeating what you said in a meh bleh, bleh bleh type of way. When you let your arms drop from your chest to strangle him to the floor Bart and Homer style, Sieun gripped you by the back of your bodycon dress and dragged you back to stand next to her. 

“Go get changed for the party, Seungie,” She said, keeping you in her hand like you were a rabid dog on a leash. “And you. You can’t just try to strangle my brother-”

“How did you even know I was going to strangle him?”

“Because, it’s not the first time!” Sieun shouted, stomping her feet like a child. She finally stopped holding onto you, huffing as she turned to look at you fully. Seungmin’s parents had left to get to the car, insisting on giving you all a lift to the beach where the party was held. Your parents would never. You’d lost count of how many times you had blisters from walking back from somewhere five miles away because your mother was engrossed in another show on television. Seungmin raised an eyebrow at the both of you. 

“I’m gonna go get changed.” He finally spoke, waving towards the direction of the locker room. You grimaced.

“Okay, and? I don’t care,” When you watched Seungmin walk away, eyes unable to tear away from that tight ass in those trousers, you could practically feel Sieun’s own eyes boring into your face. Finally turning to look at her, you saw a slight smile on her lips. “Don’t.”

“I didn’t say anything, bestie.”

You stormed off to the car, in a foul mood now that you’d been caught by Sieun ogling her own brother. Just to make matters worse, you had been designated to shimmy into the middle seat of the back because you were the smallest, so you’d be sat in between the two siblings. Brilliant. Just ideal, really. Thankfully, Sieun’s parents had already put the air con on. The heat of the summer had been killing you in that packed baseball stadium. 

“So, what did you think of Seungmin?” Sieun’s dad asked you. He looked a lot like Seungmin actually, just an aged version with salt and pepper hair. You smiled politely, about to respond before Sieun cut you off.

“Dad, don’t. She’s already wound up.” You wanted to kiss Sieun. You could not discuss what had just happened, including the game. You’d spent the whole time drooling over the bane of your existence. When Seungmin finally got to the car, you side eyed him in order to see what he was wearing, and were more than pleased to see he was in a light grey t-shirt and baggy blue jeans. Good. Nothing tight. 

The beach party was packed when you arrived there. A lot of sweaty young adults smoking weed, drinking and perched around a campfire or dancing near the portable speaker playing music quietly. All you could think about was how much you deserve a drink after the day’s events, and you were quick to drag Sieun over to Chan when you spotted him. Dark curly hair hidden under a hat and a sleeveless black tank top. Unmistakably Chan, and also unmistakably someone who would donate alcohol to a good cause. 

He immediately looked up at you, his smile wide with dimples adorning his cheeks. You saw Seungmin flop down next to some other friends he had from the corner of your eye. Chan caught your attention though, handing you and Sieun a beer each. “Hello, you. Welcome back to the town.” 

“Channie!” You squealed, taking the beer from him and wrapping your arms around his neck. He subsequently pulled you onto his lap and Sieun giggled, sitting in the sand next to him. You’d always been close with Chan, and you wouldn’t be lying if you said you found him attractive. Those arms showing in the sleeveless top were definitely doing something for you that night, but you weren’t sure if it was the pent up aggression from earlier. You immediately pressed the beer to your lips at the thought, swigging down a lot of the liquid. 

Then, it just felt like the drinks kept coming. Over and over you were drinking beers that were handed to you by either Chan or Changbin, one of the others you were friendly with, and you found yourself becoming tipsy and slouching on Chan’s lap. The fire burned your eyes a bit when you stared into it, but you were still giggling, leaning your head back on Chan’s shoulder.

Seungmin glowered, turning to Sieun and speaking almost inaudibly. “Stop her drinking. She’s making a fool of herself, all over Chan like that.”

“They’re friends, you idiot. She’s not even drunk, they’re just always like that!” You didn’t have time to thank Sieun for defending you immediately against her own brother because Hyunjin was coming over to you with two small plastic shot glasses. One sniff of the liquid proved it was vodka, a fact you weren’t surprised about - Hyunjin loved to get utterly white-girl-wasted at any party. His smile was wide and eyes half-lidded already when he looked at you. 

“This is for you,” Hyunjin whispered. His fringe almost obscured his face as he handed a shot glass to you, and offered the other to Chan. Chan held out his hand, pushing it softly back to Hyunjin. Hyunjin literally just shrugged his shoulders, toasting your own shot before knocking his own back. He didn’t even make a face when taking shots, which was probably the fact about Hyunjin you were most jealous of - along with his ethereal beauty, obviously. You grimaced when the liquid hit your own taste buds, glugging it back thankfully. You couldn’t gag on Chan right now. 

The music filled your ears as the sun began to set. Someone had turned the speaker up just a bit louder, and Jisung had started to dance and embarrass himself. It was the usual behaviour. You saw Changbin chatting to some girls you and Sieun had gone to school with, and Sieun got up to go and join, leaving Seungmin chatting with the other boys on the other side of the bonfire. You sat quite happily on Chan’s lap, listening to him telling a story from work.

“I mean, it was insane. Hannie quite literally wrote this entire song in like, five minutes. We were all super drunk. I have no idea how he did it,” Chan said, hands flying everywhere in his story. You blinked at him for a moment, processing who Hannie was. Ah. Han Jisung. Hannie. The round-cheeked boy was still twerking across from you. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, ‘m just a bit tipsy now,” You giggled, nuzzling into his cheek. Chan laughed at your level of clinginess, hand placed on your hip comfortingly. “Sorry, Channie.”

“That’s okay. Hey, remember a few years ago? You always wanted kisses from me and Changbin when you were drunk, heh,” Chan looked at you, eyes fond. When you finally looked into his eyes, it was like your brain caught up with what he was saying. Kisses? God, that’d be so good.

“Kisses. Oh my God,” You whispered, eyes wide. Chan threw his head back, hand over his face while he laughed this time. “Channie.”

Chan sighed, finally looking at you. “Yes? What is it?” He knew what it was. You surged forward, pressing a familiar friendly kiss to his plump lips. He raised his eyebrows in shock, pulling you back by his grip on your hips.

“I cannot kiss you right now. Seungmin is there, and he is looking at us.”

“Who cares about that guy? He’s an ass,” You mumbled, pressing your lips to Chan again. Chan sighed into the kiss, finally giving up and letting his lips brush against yours. You loved kissing Chan. It was always so fun, so familiar, just two friends making out when drunk. It was one of your favourite pastimes, to be honest. You were just getting into the kiss when you felt hands on your waist, scooping you up and throwing you over one broad shoulder. You heard Chan laugh while you were disoriented, trying to work out whose shoulder you were even on and why are you walking away from the beach party?! You were having so much fun! 

“What is goin’ on?!” You shrieked, legs flailing around. You were slurring at this point, and you even heard Sieun giggling over the music. Finally, you heard a sigh as the feet of the body you had been stolen by started to wade through the sand and onto the street.

“We are going home. That’s what’s fucking going on,” Seungmin. You grimaced, wriggling to try and get off of his shoulder, but the grip he had on your body was unbelievable. “Why the hell were you doing that?”

“Doing what? Kissing Chan? I always kiss Chan.”

“I don’t want you to do that anymore, okay?” You huffed at his words, resorting to slamming your fists on his back as he walked quickly down the street. He didn’t even flinch. “Are you listening to me, brat? I don’t want you doing that.”

“You are not my fucking dad, Kim Seungmin. You don’t decide who I kiss!” You sounded like a petulant child, whining and squirming around to be put down on your feet. Finally, Seungmin grabbed your hips with both hands, placing you down on the floor. Cars were speeding past you as you both stood on the pavement. You crossed your arms over your chest, vision slightly blurry from the intoxication and body covered in sand. Seungmin didn’t look to be doing any better, beige specks of sand in his dark hair and his grey t-shirt completely covered. He shoved his hands in his pockets, tilting his head when looking at you.

“I may not decide who you kiss, but I’m gonna be mad if you do that again. Got it?” Seungmin was stoic, sharp as he spoke in a monotone voice towards you. You furrowed your eyebrows. What? Why did it matter? “He’s my friend.”

“Okay, and? I don’t care.” You repeated your words from earlier. Seungmin huffed, blowing a strand of blonde hair from his forehead. You looked at him. He looked at you. Then, he was turning around, walking down the road in the direction towards his house. You gasped, appalled that he’d leave you there on the side of the road like some kind of bag of trash. 

After a few long strides, you heard him groan faintly in the distance. He stopped dead still, turning around to you with a grimace. “Are you coming, or?”

You stood your ground. “Nope.”

“Fine, stay there and be killed by a raccoon or something, fucking brat. Or worse, an actual murderer. Wouldn’t that be scary? A murderer just killing you while you’re standing there in your sandals. Can’t even protect yourself, can’t throw your shoe at him like you do with me because what harm will sandals do-” Seungmin stopped talking when you ran at him, eyes wide as you wrapped your arm around his own. He huffed, trying to shake your arm off of his, but you held on tightly. Your bottom lip quivered. You were such a baby when it came to scary things like raccoons and murderers. 

“‘M scared now, Seungmin.” You whispered, leaning your head on his arm. You could practically sense Seungmin rolling his eyes as he wrapped his arm around you, holding you close to his warm body. 

“Only five minutes now. Five minutes and we’ll be home, okay?” You nodded, trying to keep up with the strides of his long legs. 

In bed that night, laying in Sieun’s bed sans Sieun, you couldn’t help but wonder just what the fuck that was. Seungmin was almost nice for a moment. Sure, he’d had that weird freak out about you kissing Chan - that was strange - but then he’d not left you on the side of the road. A few years ago, he would have left you on the pavement and then proceeded to go get a car to run you over on said pavement. He had changed.

Kim Seungmin was hot. You’ll admit that, unfortunately. But now Kim Seungmin was hot and he had morals, too. 

That one would be hard to process.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

The next morning, you were woken up by Sieun’s arm across your forehead and her soft snores in your ear. You briefly felt extremely guilty for making sure she hadn’t gotten home safe, but judging by her still sleeping, she’d left after you’d fallen asleep. You wanted to wake her, to ask her what the fuck her brother’s deal was, but you settled on heading downstairs to get some breakfast and calm your stomach. It felt like a bomb had gone off in there. 

You started to make your way downstairs to get breakfast, but you walked straight into Seungmin’s chest as soon as you left Sieun’s bedroom. He stood with a mug of coffee in his hands, blinking down at you like you were, in fact, a bomb that had just gone off in front of him. 

You stared up at him, eyes wide. He furrowed his eyebrows. “Move, brat.”

Oh. So he was just going to forget him being borderline nice ever happened? What a fucking- ugh! You scoffed, looking down at the coffee. 

“You know this isn’t your room right, dumbass? Take your coffee into your own room.” Seungmin rolled his eyes, barging past you to stand by the door.

“It’s for my sister, dumbass.” You wanted to ask where’s mine, then, but Seungmin would only laugh at you and move on with his life. It annoyed you beyond belief that Seungmin had actually been nice to you the night before and then continued to act like absolutely nothing happened. You wanted to positively kick him across the face like the Mortal Kombat games he used to unplug your controller on.

Still, you had hope for the summer. Two straight days of hell would not change your mind. You just had to get through today, a chill, relaxing day with Sieun where you both nursed slight hangovers and probably cried over making mistakes the night before. Then there was hope for some fun tomorrow. 

Tomorrow was the annual camping trip with your friend group. It only went on for one night, in the woods close to your actual home a few streets away, but it was something everyone looked forward to. Unfortunately, given that your friend group was also Seungmin’s friend group, and that he was back now, it meant he would be there. This was unlike the annual camping trips before, and you were dreading his presence. You just had to avoid him, and he wouldn’t stop you kissing your friends. He wouldn’t stop you having fun if you just acted like he wasn’t there. The thought made your blood boil. 

You hid in the bathroom until you heard Seungmin’s footsteps recede back into his bedroom, and then you emerged. Fuck breakfast. You needed a good heart-to-heart with your best friend. Stomping back into the bedroom, you were met with Sieun’s eyes still only half open, just about emerging from above the mug.

“Oh, hey,” Sieun mumbled. She blew the hot liquid in the cup and then took a sip, humming with satisfaction. You stood there, arms crossed across your chest and foot tapping with annoyance. Sieun looked at you. You looked at her, a frown on your lips. She sighed. “What’s he done now?”

“Well, what the fuck was last night, Sieun?!” You exclaimed, throwing your body down on the bed. Sieun snorted, sounding like she was holding back a laugh. “Sieun, he picked me up and took me from a party. What was that? And, and! On the way home, he was kind of being… nice?! Then, just now, this morning, he was being absolutely horrible again!”

“And this annoys you because…? You’re always horrible to each other, sweetie.”

“Yes, I’m aware,” You huffed, turning over to scream into a pink heart pillow on Sieun’s bed. “He’s coming tomorrow, too. Like, as if it could get any worse!”

Sieun hummed. You heard the mug clink onto the bedside table, probably to live next to another ten mugs for about three weeks. “I’ll make sure he’s on his best behaviour.”

You grumbled into the fabric. Then, as if you’d completely forgotten about it, a blurred memory came into your head. I don’t want you doing that anymore. He’d said that in confidence, stood there in front of you, all long legs and pouty lips forming the words. “He… he said he didn’t want me kissing Chan anymore.”

Sieun spluttered. “He- he what?! Why would he say that?”

You shrugged. “D’no. Weird though. It… it made me feel weird. Like, almost shy. I don’t know.”

“That’s because you have a big old crush on my brother. We’ll address that later, though, because it seems my brother may have a big old crush on you,” You lifted your head, blinking at her. The drink had gone to her head last night. She was now clinically insane, beyond deranged by the sounds of it. Her eyes were peering out of the window opposite her bed in deep contemplation. “I mean, it makes sense. You two do bicker like an old married couple, but maybe that’s your shtick.” 

“I do not have a big old crush on your brother. He does not have a big old crush on me. We are mortal enemies.”

“Mmhm, okay, honey. We’ll see what happens tomorrow, yeah?”

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You didn’t sleep a wink the night before the camping trip. Of course you didn’t. Your thoughts were riddled with stupid remarks and baseball uniforms and long legs looking amazing in said baseball uniforms. Eventually, you’d actually cried a bit, just wanting him to leave your mind. Then, you felt pathetic crying over a man. That disgusted you beyond belief.

It had you thinking that Sieun may have been onto something. Maybe you did have a stupid crush on her brother. Maybe it had never left, ever since you’d caught sight of his chubby cheeks and mop of dark hair when you were both little. You’d have to just overcome it. Arguing with him would probably help, and you did that everyday, so it’d be fine. Manageable, at least, so long as he kept his goddamn nose out of your business. You’d had stupid crushes on people before, and you knew this one could leave very easily and very quickly.

Unfortunately, due to the lack of sleep, you had been forced to smother your eye bags in concealer that was maybe a shade too light. Seungmin had commented on this when you and his sister loaded your stuff into his pristine car, grimacing at the sight of you.

“You look like a ghost, brat.” You had immediately tried to rub the concealer off with your fingers, and now it was just a smeared mess on your otherwise decent skin. Fuck that guy. Fuck Kim Seungmin. Fuck yourself, too, because why were you trying to adhere to what he said?

It had still been plaguing your mind when you laid next to the lake in the woods while everyone drank around you. You had taken your premixed cocktail in a can to the lake not too far from the lake, and were perched in your blue bikini trying to get somewhat of a tan. Your skin was only blazing with anger, not sun. All of a sudden, you heard some branches snapping, and opening your eyes served you with the face of your best friend.

“Truth or dare. C’mon, everyone’s playing.”

You were lugged back to the campsite, groaning with your can still in your hand. Chan perked up immediately at the sight of you, patting his lap in invitation. 

You went to walk over, smiling at his dimpled cheeks, but quickly turned to Seungmin. “Sorry, Channie, I should probably check if I’m allowed first.”

Everyone erupted in roars, even Chan, who dragged you by your waist onto his lap while still giggling. Seungmin practically glowered, eyes staring you down with the anger within him. 

“Let's start with you then, brat,” Seungmin said, motioning towards you with the hand wrapped around the neck of his beer. “Truth or dare?”

You pretended to think. You always chose the same thing. “Truth.”

“Boring!” Sieun screamed, her pink bikini strap slipping down her shoulder. Changbin used two fingers to push it back up into place. Always a gentleman. “Okay, what is the biggest lie you’ve ever told?”

Seungmin turned to Sieun, displeasure written all over his features. “It’s literally meant to be me asking the question.”

“I don’t care.” Sieun shrugged. She also knew what the biggest lie you’ve ever told is, judging by the smirk on her face when she turned back towards you.

You smacked your lips together. Okay. If he had a crush on you, it would be instantly severed in that moment, because you were about to wholeheartedly tell the truth. “Seungmin, I was the one who broke your PS4. I spilled coffee over it.”

“What?! You fucking brat!” Everyone screamed again, Chan howling with laughter at Seungmin’s exasperation. “Tell me that you aren’t serious. You told me that-“

“I told you that the dog peed on it?” You giggled. Seungmin nodded, eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah, no. It stank of coffee, so you’re kinda dumb for believing me in the first place.”

Seungmin huffed. His cheeks were red, breathing heavy. Oh, he was so mad. Good. You lived your life specifically to piss Kim Seungmin off.

“Okay, Seungmin. Truth or dare?” Changbin spoke up. He didn’t need to speak up, because his voice was like a foghorn already. Seungmin sighed again, turning to the shorter male. 

“Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss Dahyun.” You turned to the girl in question. She was quite quiet, only speaking when spoken to, but you and Sieun had been friendly enough with her back in high school. She’d been close with Chan, though, and had kind of stuck with the group since. You thought she didn’t even like Seungmin either, but the way she perked up at the statement said otherwise. 

Seungmin, however, was still looking very pissed off. He put his beer bottle on the floor, sighing as he made his way over to Dahyun. You heard Jisung giggling, making lewd comments and noises in Minho’s ear, who just pushed him off with a sigh of fondness. All of a sudden, Seungmin’s lips were pressed to hers. You could see everything. Tongue and spit swapped between the two, and you found yourself turning to look at your drink instead. Awkward.

It made you feel awkward. More than that, though, it kind of made you feel weird. You weren’t sure of the emotion exactly, but you knew you wanted to leave instantly and never see Seungmin or Dahyun ever again. You also wanted to scream. Especially when you finally let yourself look up, when the cheers receded to murmurs and Seungmin had pulled away from Dahyun, looking straight at you. 

You locked eyes with him, blinking. Then, you saw fucking red.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” You blurted, seeing Seungmin’s eyes widen at your outburst. Dahyun’s eyebrows raised, looking at you with fear. You turned to her with a timid smile. “Not you. Him. The bastard you kissed seems to think he can tell me what I can do, who I can kiss, yet he seems to be doing whatever he wants? Is this a joke, Kim Seungmin?”

Sieun laughed awkwardly from her position next to Changbin, rising up onto her feet. “Okay, perhaps this doesn’t need to happen right now-“

“No, let the brat speak to me how she wants. It’s not going to fucking end well, and she knows it,” Seungmin spoke, throwing his beer bottle down on the floor exasperatedly. He stood up, light blue baggy jeans looking slightly brown with the mud and an oversized jersey falling off of broad shoulders. You took in his appearance with nothing but an angered expression, cheeks burning with rage when you realised he still looked really fucking good with his hair dyed like that. Something about him shouting at you was turning you on, too, but you decided to address that at a later date. “I told you not to kiss Chan for a good reason.”

You scoffed. You could practically hear Chan’s hair turning to grey from stress behind you. “Oh, yeah? What reason is that? He’s my friend.”

“You should- you should only kiss people you like. People you’re interested in,” Seungmin was shouting now, finger pointing at you determinedly. You rolled your eyes, making him stomp his foot in the mud. 

“I guess that means that you like Dahyun then, huh?” You said, remembering to give Dahyun another smile. This really wasn’t against her. She was sweet, and she hadn’t done anything wrong. Kim Seungmin just grinds your fucking gears. 

You realised way too late that maybe you didn’t want to know the answer to the question that you’d so loudly shouted. 

Seungmin ran his hand through his hair, licking his lips. You tried to avoid staring at his mouth when he eventually retorted. “Maybe I do, brat. What’s it to you?” 

You blanched. It was nothing. It was nothing to you, really, but you definitely couldn’t back down now, even if you could sense the rest of your friendship group feeling slightly awkward in the wake of tension. You folded your arms over your chest, staring Seungmin down while you searched your brain earnestly for something that would hurt. 

“It’s nothing to me. I don’t give a fuck about you, Seungmin.”

Seungmin looked like he’d stopped breathing, staring at you with intensity in his eyes. You couldn’t quite work out what emotion they held, but you had a feeling that you may have gone a bit further than your normal bickering. It was only a matter of time, really, with you having a very short temper and all. 

As if it had never even happened, Seungmin rolled his neck and shrugged. He sat back down on the floor with a flurry of movement and with another shift, his arm was around Dahyun and he was pulling her close. She looked like she wanted to run very far away, but then Seungmin was handing her another beer and it was apparently fine. 

Changbin cleared his throat. “Okay, shall we continue?”

The rest of the night went with seemingly no hitches. Everyone drank, sang, danced, and the tents were slowly filling up with people retiring from the night, their skin still dewy with the water from the lake close by. You even managed to avoid getting riled up by the bastard sitting opposite you, so that was an achievement in itself. Eventually, you retired to the tent you, Sieun and Chan had been designated, limbs stiff from sitting down for so long.

Wiggling into your sleeping bag, you zipped up the fabric with your whole body inside like a cocoon. You could hear mumbling and giggles from the next tent over, but choosing to ignore it, you shifted over to face Chan. He was still awake, scrolling through his phone. You weren’t sure the guy ever fucking slept, in all honesty. Sieun snored behind you steadily, the sound of cicadas breaking up the noise of her heavy slumber. 

Chan blinked up at you, locking his phone when he saw you were still awake. The moonlight just about seeped through the walls of your temporary home for the night and you could see his features, sharp as always. He grinned at you, pulling you closer by your sleeping bag. “So.” 

“So,” you agreed, nuzzling into his bare shoulder. The summer heat was still present in the night, although mild, and he’d clearly chosen to not overheat with his chest bare. “This whole night was really weird, Channie. My life is really weird right now.”

“Tell me about it,” Chan hummed, fingers scratching on your scalp soothingly. “How long?”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Chan simply looked at you earnestly, his lips in a tight smile. “How long… what?”

“How long since you’ve liked him?” Chan whispered, clearly registering the noise from the next tent over. You blanched, before realising that well - you could lie to Kim Sieun, Kim Seungmin and yourself, but you couldn’t lie to Bang Chan. He was too kind, too dear to you in a different sense to what Sieun was. 

“I dunno what it is, but I’m ignoring it,” you responded, even quieter than his whisper. “It’s weird. Makes me feel weird.”

Chan let out a silent laugh, chest shaking next to you. “Crushes tend to do that, babe. They make you feel all weird and fuzzy.”

“Kim Seungmin does not make me feel weird and fuzzy, Channie. I can’t stand him.”

“You can’t stand him because he makes you feel weird and fuzzy, and maybe it’s about time you realised that.”

You huffed, turning over to press your back against his chest, despite being separated by sleeping bags and extra fabric. Chan shuffled closer, pulling you in for a cuddle nonetheless. He pressed a kiss to the back of your head, murmuring, “you can’t avoid him. I know you want to, but you can’t. He’s your best friend’s brother.”

Unfortunately, this was something you had already recognised. Staring at Sieun’s sleeping figure reminded you that yeah, he was your best friend’s brother, and while a relationship between you and him would never fuck anything up… well, an unrequited crush might. It would be too awkward. That’s why you swore you were going to ignore him. 

You had to go back to hating Kim Seungmin.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Fortunately, it was a lot easier than you’d anticipated. You’d managed to avoid him in his own home. You didn’t even see him in the hallways, sticking to showers late at night while he was always showering in the early morning, and you and Sieun had been eating out nearly every day to avoid family dinners. It almost felt rude, but with Seungmin, being rude was not possible. He was the epitome of rude.

Rude, brazen, and with zero morals. You’d almost forgotten that in the haze of him being nice once and looking pretty all the time. Sure, he was aesthetically pleasing, and maybe he was exactly your type. But you were never going to forget the history between you ever again, not if you put your mind to it. 

However, the concept of your own morals slipping to actually possibly like Seungmin had ruined your days since. You just couldn’t believe yourself! That’s Seungmin you were very nearly lusting over. Your mortal enemy, the bane of your existence. Who cared if he’d gotten hot?

Apparently, you did. As you stood in a party with Sieun dancing around carelessly, you were clutching your drink tight and thinking of your enemy. The drink limited your inhibitions, making you able to think more freely. Why did he look at you like that after kissing Dahyun? Why did he stop you kissing Chan? Why did- 

“Why are you still overthinking? We’re at a party!” Sieun hollered, the drink in her cup threatening to slosh over the edges with her dancing. You shook your head, putting on your best fake smile.

“I am having the bestest time,” You insisted, smiling and starting to do a little jig to the music. The house party, held at Changbin’s literal mansion, was slowly filling up. You and Sieun had retired to the kitchen to down a few drinks so that you felt less awkward and could start going feral with the rest of the party, but the more drinks you had, the more you got inside of your own head. This wasn’t like you. You were the party girl, the girl who everyone had awaited return to the town - you wanted to scream and stomp your feet like a child. 

“You’re totally not, honey,” Sieun mumbled, seeing the look in your eyes. You sighed, downing back the concoction in your cup. You’d worn another slutty dress to the party, done your makeup and hair and now it was all going to waste. “Are you sure you don’t wanna head back?”

You shrugged. “I mean, if you want to, we can.”

Sieun’s eyes widened. “Well, I was just- I was gonna call you an Uber, and get you home. I’m gonna stay, y’know, it’s Changbin’s house, and… yeah.”

And she wanted to make out with Changbin. She was so valid for that. You sighed again, looking around at the kitchen. The party was a bit too much for you right now in your utterly discombobulated headspace. Maybe you should go back, just chill for the night, sleep. It was probably for the best, or you’d ruin Sieun’s night too by being so awkward. 

“Ah. Yeah, okay, maybe it’s best if I go home,” You looked at Sieun, who was beginning to eye up Changbin. He was in a pretty intense game of beer pong with Jisung, and both parties were screaming their heads off. You didn’t want to stand between Sieun and her destiny, her fate. Sieun turned back to you, a glint in her eye. “Alright, would you call me an Uber? But um, maybe I should go to my house. Y’know, since-“

“He’s at practice,” She said, shaking her head. “Not home. Don’t worry, he won’t be home for a little while.”

You frowned, checking the time. It was 9pm. Did practice go on this late? You let yourself accept her statement anyway. You still had no clue what happened in baseball, or what happened in baseball practice nonetheless. It could go on until 3am for all you knew. Sieun pressed a few buttons on her cracked phone before she was grinning, sending you a thumbs up.

“All done. He- the driver, he’ll be here in five. Good?” You nodded, giving her a quick hug. “You need me to wait outside with you?”

“No, no,” You shook your head. You couldn’t ruin her night even more through your petty questioning of why, why, why. After giving Sieun a quick kiss on the cheek, you made sure she went straight over to Changbin and was safe before you left the house. It took you a solid five minutes to even try to wade through the bodies and you were thankful you were leaving -  you really didn’t have the headspace for that.

Standing outside, you rubbed your hands over your arms to try and gain some warmth. You’d never been great with cold, and although the summer nights weren’t as biting on your skin, it was still unpleasant when you didn’t have the body of a friend next to you. It was also your fault for wearing a strapless minidress that was about two seconds from falling down or riding up, or both. 

The car really only took five minutes. You were thankful for this, as Ubers were inherently unreliable and it was getting colder, and way too loud in the house behind you. Scurrying down the front steps, you didn’t look at the car until you were about a foot in front of it, looking up at the vehicle. 

The car was very familiar. You weren’t sure if the few drinks you’d consumed had made your eyesight go funny, but… no, that definitely was Sieun’s car. You could see inside the car, a lot cleaner than when she picked you up from the airport but still looking half broken. And… Oh God. She’d really done you dirty this time.

Seungmin was sitting in the driver’s seat, and he rolled the window down upon your arrival. “Are you getting in?” 

“No.” You blurted, arms crossed over your chest. “Why are you driving Sieun’s car?”

“Mine’s in for a service,” He responded, eyes racking over your figure. “You look freezing, brat. Get in.”

“No.”

“I’m not going to have to get out and grab you, am I?” He said, eyes narrowing at you. You blanched. He was kinda scary tonight. With a sigh, you made haste to the other side of the car, and heard him mumble “thought not”.

You buckled up your seatbelt when in the passenger seat, and tried to reach over to fiddle with the aircon. The car was cold, too, and you found yourself even more on edge now that you were sitting with Seungmin in a confined area. 

Fiddling with the aircon, you felt Seungmin bat your hand away. “It’s broken.” You turned to look at him, completely silent, and then you saw it. He was in his baseball uniform. Tight pinstripe trousers on those long legs and a loose jersey on his upper body, hair almost flattened from his hat. It still looked good, blonde streaks breaking up the dark mop of hair on his unfairly pretty face. 

“Hello?” He waved a hand over your face. “Are you deaf now, brat? It’s broken.”

“Yeah, sorry,” You mumbled, turning to face out the window. You sensed Seungmin tensing, before he sighed and started the engine to the car. The car started to speed away from Changbin’s house before you even recognised it, too holed up in your head. 

Seungmin sighed again when you were still silent, no noise circulating the small space of the car. “What’s wrong with you lately?”

You turned to him, blinking. “Huh?”

“I’m asking what’s wrong with you lately. I’ve barely seen you. You haven’t been bickering at me, haven’t tried to physically fight me lately. What’s going on?”

You screwed your face up in confusion. “You don’t even care, Seungmin, so why are you asking?”

“Of course I care,” Seungmin’s eyebrows furrowed. He was staring at the road, not looking at you even as your eyes raked over his body unashamedly. “I don’t completely hate you, brat. You just piss me off a lot of the time. So, what’s wrong?”

Gazing at the bulge in his trousers, you realised you needed to stop being so thirsty and reply. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Why did you say that? Why was that the thing that came out of your mouth?

“Funny, because you seem to always want to talk,” Seungmin snickered, one hand tight on the steering wheel. His other arm rested on the armrest, looking the epitome of comfort and relaxation while you felt like you were dying. His remark made you burn with anger. How dare he? You don’t even talk that much, really. “I mean, can’t really get you to stop talking, so-”

“Shut up!” You shrieked. “You wanna know what’s wrong? You. You’ve been pissing me off so much lately, Seungmin. First, it’s the baseball uniform. Like, do the trousers have to be that tight?! Then, you stop me kissing Chan, and make me like, reconsider our whole dynamic for a hot second. Oh, and then, you kiss Dahyun, and that just- that just made me feel all weird. I didn’t like it, I felt weird.”

It was silent for a beat. Another beat passed, and Seungmin was brushing his tongue over his teeth in silent thought. Then, he was pulling into a layby on the side of the quiet road you were driving down, and he unbuckled his seatbelt. The engine switched off and Seungmin turned to you, eyes gazing directly into yours.

“Feel weird how?” He questioned. You scoffed.

“What do you mean?”

“How did it feel weird, brat? You felt confused, maybe a bit sick, awkward even? Upset?” All the emotions Seungmin was quick firing at you had you nodding. You had felt all of those things. Then, all of a sudden, Seungmin was lunging towards you and pressing his plump lips against yours. You gasped, hands going to his broad shoulders. When you felt the material of his baseball jersey, you realised you kind of didn’t want to pull away, and you brushed your lips against his in a response to his movement.

When a second passed, Seungmin’s tongue was pressing into your mouth with fervour, one large hand going to the back of your head to keep you in place. You whimpered into the kiss, your tongue dancing against his and your fingernails digging into his shoulders. When Seungmin eventually pulled away, you chased his lips subconsciously, pouting when he just stared at you. 

“How did that feel?”

“Seungmin-”

“How did that feel, brat? Fucking answer me,” His thumb swiped across your bottom lip, slick with spit from his filthy kiss. You moved to encase his thumb in your mouth, keeping eye contact as your tongue swirled around it. 

Letting his tongue drop out of your mouth, you undid your seatbelt, moving closer to the figure next to you. “Felt good.”

Seungmin hummed, hands moving to grab your hips. He effortlessly lifted you onto his lap, your core settled right on top of the bulge in his fucking baseball trousers. You squirmed, hands moving to brush his hair out of his face. It was a strangely intimate moment, your fingers in his hair. “It feels good because we like each other.”

“Mm, no. Not possible,” You insist. Seungmin’s lips turned up into a smile, his eyebrow raised. “We bicker all the time, and-”

“And you got just so pissed at me kissing Dahyun, just like I lost it over you kissing Chan. I saw you staring at my ass in my game, and in all honesty, I’m staring at your thighs in that dress right now.” 

You look down at your thighs. They were spread immodestly, plush flesh slung over Seungmin’s thinner legs. Your dress had ridden up with your movement, and your core was barely covered by a strip of black lace that you referred to as underwear. It could barely be considered as underwear. Turning your attention back to Seungmin, you saw him still staring at your thighs, a hungry look in his eyes. 

“But- we argue all the time. You boil my blood, to be honest,” You admit, feeling a bit sheepish sitting on top of him like that. Seungmin let out a small laugh, hands moving to brush up and down your thighs. The feeling of his warm hands on your bare skin made you sigh, inching closer for more touch. 

“You piss me off too. You piss me off so much, I want to fuck you until you’re screaming my name and crying. Is that fucked up?” Seungmin spoke, licking his lips. His attention went up to your own lips, to which you were nervously biting your bottom one. “I liked you when you were shy and quiet and you barely spoke. When you became stubborn, and outspoken, I liked you even more. It made me want to fuck you into submission, brat.”

You could literally feel yourself getting wet. Fuck you into submission? Now that sounded fucking amazing. You weren’t surprised he had the exact same sexual interests as you. You were a brat through and through. It’s where the nickname came from, after all. 

“Fuck me then,” You kissed his lips chastely, feeling him groan deeply into your mouth. He entertained you for a few seconds, a filthy swap of spit and tongue before he was pulling away. Your chest heaved, fingers digging into his shoulders once again. “Fuck me. Please, I’ll beg! I don’t care, just-“

“Shut the fuck up, brat,” Seungmin admonished. Your mouth instantly clenched shut in reaction, toes curling in your shoes. He threw his head back, eyes shut as if he was trying to control himself. He was just as affected as you. After a moment passed, he looked back at you, eyes still just as dark. “I’m not fucking you in Sieun’s car. I’ll take you home and fuck you nice and full in my bed. Does that sound good?”

You found yourself nodding, and Seungmin let you reposition yourself back in the passenger seat. You had never felt more excited in your life. Except, when he tried to start the ignition with the key, the car spluttered a few times and then stopped altogether. You blinked at the car. Seungmin took in a sharp inhale of air. He tried to turn the key again, and the car rocked as if in protest, but didn’t start. It was dead.

“Okay, fuck me in the car then?” You questioned, turning to face Seungmin again. You saw him almost laugh, lips curling, before he was shaking his head at you. 

“I like you too much to treat you like that.”

“Seungmin, you treat me badly everyday. It’s our whole thing.”

“Well, yeah, but you’re my girl now. It’s different. We’re still going to bicker like mad, but I’m not having our first time be in a fucking car. Especially not one owned by my sister,” Seungmin sighed, long fingers reaching into his pocket. He clicked a few buttons before he landed on Chan’s contact. It didn’t even ring once before Chan picked up. “Hey, old man. So, we’re stuck in Sieun’s car, it’s finally died. No, I’m not with Sieun. Yes, I’m with her. Chan, can you stop asking questions and just come and save us?”

Your chest was still heaving when you heard rushed murmurs. His girl? He’d called you his girl, and surprisingly… you weren’t all that mad about it. He was sexy, and he was rude. But wasn’t that your type anyway? Taller than you, stoic, bitchy and could actually fuck you good. The last statement was something you had no doubt about, the way he’d effortlessly moved you onto his lap like that… you were squirming in your seat just thinking about it, clenching your thighs together. You didn’t even hear the click of the phone when Seungmin hung up, still focused on trying to get some friction on your core.

“Stop being a brat,” Seungmin demanded. You pouted, turning to him, to which he met your gaze with a steely glare. “I’m sure you can wait until we get home. Chan’s on his way.” How fucked up is it that even though he’s still being mean, he’s just making you like him more?

It wasn’t long before Chan’s sleek black car pulled up in front of Sieun’s. Luckily, you’d parked on a housing street where not many cars passed, so it’d be alright for Sieun’s car to stay there until the morning. Seungmin was instantly unbuckled and out of the car, baseball uniform tight on his legs as he walked over to your side. When you got out of the car, you expected him to walk away from the car straight away, but he had his arm around your waist tightly as if he was escorting you to the other vehicle. You even saw Chan’s confused expression in the driver’s seat. 

Chan only looked more confused when Seungmin followed you into the backseat and sat next to you, leaving no space. “Uhm, so. Back to yours then, Seungmin? We can sort the car tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin agreed, quiet as his warm hand went to rest on your thigh. Subconsciously, your legs spread to allow him access, and you heard him sigh next to you. Chan started the engine, speeding off down the road. He seemed on edge, turning the radio up loud. 

You stared at the rearview mirror, seeing Chan focusing on the expanse of road in front of him. With one of your boldest ever moves, you grabbed Seungmin’s hand, placing it on the front of your panties where you were soaking through the lace. Seungmin leaned in close, lips brushing against your ear. 

“You want me to finger you while he drives us home? That’s dirty, pup,” Seungmin murmurs. You let out a shaky breath, head rolling onto his shoulder. “Maybe I shouldn’t. You’re too desperate, I don’t think you’ve worked for it yet. Let’s make out a little, how’s that?”

You nod eagerly, fingers moving to grasp on his biceps. “Yeah- I need something, Seungmin. I think I’m going to die, you’re so hot in that fucking uniform, I-“

“You’re filth,” Seungmin groaned. “Fucking- c’mere.” His hand went to the back of your head, yanking your hair back before his lips were pressed against yours.

His tongue pressed his spit into your mouth in the most sexual kiss you’d ever had, and you let out a soft sigh at the feeling. His lips were so soft, so plump against yours and it weirdly just felt right - you liked him a little more when he was kissing you until you were breathless over when he would make fun of you. 

“Okay!” You’d forgotten Chan was even there until his hands clapped together. You both turned to look at him, your lips kiss-bitten and swollen. You were outside Seungmin’s house. When did you even get there? You blinked, staring at Chan. He gave you a wide smile. “I’m so glad you guys have worked things out, but I really don’t want my car soiled. Please go home.”

“Thanks for the lift, old man.” Seungmin was dragging you out of the car by your wrist, all the way up the driveway and into the house. Before you knew it, he was taking you up the stairs, too, and you were standing in front of his door.

Seungmin’s bedroom door. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d even been inside. It used to be littered with figurines and music paraphernalia, and you had no idea what it would look like now. When Seungmin pushed open the door, it looked a lot cleaner and less immature, pristine grey sheets tucked into the corners like a hotel room and only a few baseball items littered around. 

He turned to you, pressing a peck to your lips. “Are you sure you want to fuck me? I have to warn you beforehand, I can get a little…”

“Mean?” You giggle. Seungmin nods, a smile on his lips. “I like mean. I thought I made that obvious.” 

“And I like bratty girls who need to be hurt until they cry. Are you a little painslut, brat?” You nod at his words. You couldn’t think of anything better, molten hot need rushing through you at the mere idea. “Good. Get naked for me and lay on my bed.”

Scurrying over to his bed, you just couldn’t believe you were actually about to do this. You were about to fuck the guy who you absolutely hated a month ago. You would’ve never dreamed of this - but now, it had you thinking. All of the bickering, all of the pissing each other off - had you just been trying to wind each other up for a specific response? Had you been doing it to get his attention? The thought hurt your brain, but you knew one thing. You wanted to fuck Kim Seungmin so fucking bad, and fuck whatever happened afterwards.

The fabric of your dress dropped to the floor once you’d unzipped it, the fabric pooling at your feet. You kicked it away, leaving yourself braless with just underwear on. Seungmin’s eyes trailed down your body, humming when you settled back against his sheets. 

That’s all he did for a while. He just looked at you, taking your full appearance in with wandering, claiming eyes. You found yourself meeting his gaze when he looked at your face. His trousers were even tighter than before, a long, hard erection pressing against the fabric. Letting your palms wander up your tummy, a delicate, grazing touch that made you squirm, you landed on your chest and tugged on your nipples.

“Are you gonna fuck me now, Seungie?” The nickname dropped from your mouth before you could even process it. Seungmin scoffed, before he was pulling his jersey off with haste. It left him bare, exposing soft, milky planes of skin to your eyes. His body was lean yet toned, looking like the muscles would ripple under your fingers but feel so velvety at the same time. It was the perfect representation of his personality. 

He was on the bed quicker than you’d expected, lunging towards you like a primal animal stalking its prey. You gazed up at him when his movement landed him above you, your legs spread around his hips. All that was heard throughout the room were deep breaths when his bulge situated against you through your underwear, the puffs of air spanning across your skin where he leaned above you. 

“Should I fuck you?” He mumbled. You nodded slowly, letting your hips roll up against his. Seungmin licked his lips in response, hands going to pin your hips down. “Tell me what you like.”

You whimpered when his lips went to your neck, sucking on a spot underneath your jaw that felt so, so sensitive. “I like... Rough. Pain. I like it rough, I like being treated like I’m beneath you, but then- God, Seungie- you need to- I need to cum, when we fuck. Please?”

“Men don’t make you cum often, brat?” You shook your head, whining again when he sucked a hickey into your collarbone sharply. “That’s a pity. I bet you look so fucking beautiful when you cum, so desperate. I think I’ll let you cum.”

“Thank you,” You moaned lowly when he trailed his lips further down your body. His lips encaptured one of your nipples, a hard peak so sensitive to his loving tongue. The moonlight shone through his curtains, highlighting the new hairstyle he had and his button nose when he sucked on your breast. As if he’d been building up to it, Seungmin let his teeth bite into your nipple sharply, and you positively squeaked at the sensation. 

Letting your nipple pop out of his mouth, Seungmin grinned up at you. “Good?”

“More, more. Please, hurt me, please-”

“Hurt you?” He shifted again, looming over you in that dangerous, almost territorial way. “What if I slapped you? On your face. Would you like me to make that pretty face red?”

You gasped, eyes rolling back at the mere idea. He ground his bulge into you, waiting for your answer. “I- I love that, please, Seungmin, slap me. Oh my God, please, I think I’m gonna die-” 

You were cut off with a harsh smack to your cheek. Your head rolled, gasping in the aftermath of the pain. It should’ve put you off, it should’ve hurt too much, it should’ve made you question if he really liked you - but all you could think was again, please. That’s all you could say, too, begging him to slap you again. 

“Fucking filthy brat,” He grumbled, hand swinging again to slap you across the face. When your head tried to roll to the side again, he gripped your cheeks with his thumb and finger. You whined incoherently when he looked down at you, squishing your cheeks, until he was letting spit dribble into your mouth. “Mine.”

“Yours,” You nod, agreeing, and Seungmin groans at the sound of you saying it. You heard the rustling of fabrics, the moving of bedsheets and then his cockhead was positioned at your sopping wet hole, panties pulled to the side. You tried to buck your hips into it, trying to catch his cockhead and lure him inside, but his grip pushed you back down. 

“Tell me again. You’re mine, yeah? No more kissing Chan,” Seungmin rubbed the leaking tip against your hole, making you attempt not to squirm again. “No more arguing with anyone that isn’t me, brat. I’m your punching bag, yeah? You take all your anger out on me and I’ll fuck you nice and hard afterwards, hurt you the way you like. That’s what you’ve always done it for, right?”

Your brain was fuzzy. Yes, that’s what you’d always done it for. You had always done it to get a rise out of him, and now that you were being put in your place, it made you feel like you were running a hundred miles an hour through a sandstorm. 

“Yes, ‘m yours, Seungie, please, can I have it? Need it,” You whine, head thrown back against his soft pillows. Seungmin coos at you condescendingly. 

“Do you? But what about prep, brat? It’ll hurt otherwise, won’t it?” Despite his words, he’s pressing the head of his cock inside of you. The stretch was blinding, making your toes curl and hands dig into the pillows. 

“I- I want it to hurt.”

“Of course you do,” Seungmin sneers, before he’s pushing his whole cock inside you at once. It’s long, pressing against your cervix as he bottoms out and your eyebrows furrow, jaw dropping in a silent moan. “That pussy’s so wet, fuck. I turn you on that much?”

“It turns me on to argue with you, turns me on when you’re mean- fucking, Seungmin, please, move,” You were admitting something you hadn’t quite admitted to yourself just yet, but when Seungmin started to snap his hips against yours, your brain went clear of all thoughts. “Ah, oh my fuck- fuck, fuck, fuck- hnng-”

“‘S good? You’re taking me so well, pretty little brat, you want a reward?” You nodded at his words, but you weren’t braced for his hand smacking your cheek once again. You reeled, eyes feeling blurry as his hips picked up the pace. He was breathing heavily on your cheek, warm breath fanning over even warmer skin. “Was that good? You want more?”

“Please, Seungie, please, more, slap me again, harder,” He slapped your opposite cheek this time, a welcome relief from your reddened cheek. The problem was that when his hand collided with your skin, you felt yourself seize up and - oh. You were cumming. “Ah-”

“Fuck, are you cumming that quick? You’re so fucking filthy, pup,” Seungmin groaned, his cock still bullying into your hole. With his pace not slowing, you couldn’t ride out the orgasm properly, and it was just one constant blissful experience. Your eyes rolled back into your head, toes curling with pleasure. “Cumming from me slapping your pretty little face. Dirty fucking bitch.”

“Seungie- I can’t, I can’t take it, please slow down!” You were squealing at that point, fingers digging into the pillows. 

“I don’t think you want me to, do you?”

He was so right. You shook your head, whining out again when he pulled out. Your hole fluttered around nothing, clit still swollen with arousal. Your slick had dripped all the way down to his pristine sheets, tarnishing his once neat room. Seungmin was quick to spin you around, putting you on your tummy with your ass just slightly raised for him. 

Within a brief moment, he was pushing inside of you again. His cock was still wet with your arousal, and your back arched when he bottomed out inside of you for the second time. Seungmin gripped your hair, making your back permanently arched for him. His lips attached to your neck, blonde highlighted hair draping onto your skin. 

“‘S good, so good,” You babbled, trying to push your ass back onto him. Seungmin allowed it this time, his hand moving from your hair to your neck. He squeezed the sides expertly and you whimpered, hands moving to grab his wrist. 

“You like that, don’t you? I’m meant to be your enemy, you dirty bitch, and look at you,” He was chuckling mirthlessly, grinning when you kept babbling. “I guess you like my cock too much. Dumb fucking slut, all I have to do is fill you up and you’re nice and sweet for me.”

“B-Bet you wish you’d done it sooner,” You quip, which would’ve been much more impressive if you hadn’t stuttered it out. “Would’ve shut up for you and been a good girl a long time ago.”

Seungmin hummed. “I think I like you bitchy, brat.”

“I jus’ like you,” You slurred, feeling Seungmin’s pace slow. He’d resorted to a slow, deep grind that had you feeling every inch and every vein on his cock. You could hear him snickering in your ear, and he pressed a cute little kiss to your neck. His free hand went down to your clit, rubbing precise, firm circles against the swollen button.

“Think you can ride me, or are you too cock drunk?” Seungmin hummed. You shook your head rapidly.

“I- too much, can’t-”

“Alright, brat, let me fuck you some more then. I need to cum in this pussy, yeah?” Seungmin was laughing again, and all of a sudden, he’d let go of your neck. You were immediately face planted into the pillows and Seungmin gripped onto your ass, thrusting into you quicker this time. You whined, trying to push back onto him, but he smacked your asscheek in admonishment. Letting your hips shift slightly to allow your hand to meet your clit, you picked up where Seungmin left off with the tight circles. It made the pool of arousal in your tummy clench, and you vaguely realised you were going to cum again. 

“Seungie, please- I want cum, want cum, with me, please-”

“Want me to cum inside you, brat? While you cum around my cock? That’s dirty, pup,” His voice faltered when his hands gripped onto your asscheeks harder, spreading them to see where his cock was entering you over and over. You knew you were soaking, you could feel it - and the wet glide of his length inside of you felt fucking delectable. You recognised no one had fucked you like this before, letting you cum over and over on their cock like this while they held back their own orgasm, and it made your head dizzy. You’d have to come back to Seungmin for more, you thought, and you didn’t hate the thought at all. 

The bed rocking suddenly caught your attention, and you whimpered, trying to alert Seungmin of the noise. The last thing you needed was his parents hearing you get your back blown out by their son, who you claimed to hate. You reached back, trying to grab his arm, but he was groaning loudly, cockhead hitting your g-spot with every thrust.

“Seungie, ‘s too loud, the bed,” You managed to get out, drooling on his pillows. Seungmin let out a loud groan before he was pulling you back onto him, forcing you to fuck back onto his cock.

“And? I don’t care. Pussy’s so fucking good, gonna make me blow, shit,” Seungmin mumbled. “You ready for my cum, brat?”

“Yeah, want it, please, please Seungie, fill me up, breed me!”

“Breed you? You want me to breed this pussy, dirty pup?” He bit your neck sharply, making you keen. You nodded erratically at his words. You couldn’t think of anything better than him filling you up with his cum. “Cum with me. Flood my cock.”

His hand came down on your ass again, and as you felt his hips stall, an unfamiliar warmth filling up your pussy, you let go around him. Your pussy fluttered with delight - probably also confusion, because oh my God, you were cumming twice? With someone else?

It felt messy, juices gliding everywhere as he just rocked his hips a little to ride out your orgasms, and then you were left to fall flat on the bed. He pulled his softening cock out, sighing when your pussy oozed out his cum onto his sheets. He didn’t seem to care about his bed, much more entranced with the sight of your hole gaping after him. 

He’d fucked you so good your pussy was going to remember the shape of his cock forever. That was for sure.

You let yourself drift, brain going blurry until you felt a cloth wiping between your legs. It was cold, slightly wet as it rubbed over your swollen folds, and you whimpered, trying to shift away from the touch.

“Stay still, brat. ‘M just cleaning you up.” You nodded, face still buried in the sheets. It was then that Seungmin finally pulled your panties down, chucking them to the floor and pulling a pair of basketball shorts up your trembling legs. Were they… his? He’d put you in his clothes? Bizarre. You didn’t even react when he spun you over, pulling a baggy t-shirt over your upper body. He’d gotten fully dressed in a plaid pyjama set, baffling you. When had he done that?

You were moved again, positioned on a very firm chest and a bottle of water pressed to your raw lips. You glugged it down thankfully, blinking up at Seungmin. His hair was mussed, but pushed back with a cute Pochacco headband. Wow. He was actually cute. 

There was a beat of silence, then Seungmin spoke. His hand was tracing your scalp, running his fingernails over it. “I meant what I said. You’re my girl. I think you always have been.”

You scoffed. “Yours?! I’m not a possession, Seungmin-”

Seungmin kissed you softly, giggling when you still tried to yell. Had he always reacted this amused when you bitched at him? You realised that… yeah, he had. It really did entertain him. “You’re so cute when you have a go at me like that, you know? Such a brat.”

You twiddled your thumbs together when he pulled away from the kiss, staring at the bottoms of his plaid pyjamas shyly. “So… you wanna be like, together? Since you’re hot, and all.”

Seungmin chuckled again, pulling you closer to his chest. “As long as you never ever stop bitching at me.”

“I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to.”

“I like you that way, brat.”

END. 

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

EPILOGUE

Sieun stared at you upon your arrival to breakfast. Her parents were preoccupied in the living room, and her eyes settled directly on your neck. You knew that your neck was littered with bite marks, hickies galore, but you’d tried your best to hide it.

“Listen, I’m so happy for you,” She began, hand clasped tightly around her mug. “I know I always ask you for details of sexual escapades, but I kind of don’t need to know about how good my brother is in bed.”

“Oh, yeah, for sure,” You nod, agreeing. “But he does know where the-“

“Stop!”

A mug of coffee is placed in your hands, made just the way you like it. The steaming liquid is a welcome warmth, as is the kiss that Seungmin presses to your cheek. You blush, staring up at him when he wraps his arms around your waist.

“Good morning, brat.”

[bslrecs]

「𝚞𝚗𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕」 · masterlist

SUMMARY ➥ Being a professional-grade porn producer is not your typical nine-to-five, but you like it — the pay is great, the hours are flexible, and it's an intriguing conversation starter. However, things get more than complicated when your infatuation with one of your performers turns into something it shouldn't be.

This work of fiction is intended for 18+ audiences only.

※ Bang Chan x afab reader — Pornstar AU, coworkers to lovers, mutual pining, angst, slowburn, smut.

※ Reader discretion advised — Adult themes, graphic depictions of porn and various porn tropes, flawed characters overall, alcohol & recreational drug use, confidence/intimacy/self-worth issues, heavy mutual fantasizing, heavy (almost toxic) jealousy, strong language, explicit sexual content.

CONTENTS · 「58k」 ➥ Scene I ➥ Scene II ➥ Scene III ➥ Scene IV ➥ Scene V ➥ Scene VI ➥ Scene VII ➥ Final Scene

「© 2023, exxxtraoddinary · No translations, rewrites, or reposts permitted」

[bslrecs]

𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 - modern royalty au!lee felix x female reader

wc: 10.6k words

rating: 18+. MDNI

cw: felix and mc being dumbasses, no use of y/n, sickeningly sweet petnames, ANGST, fluff!!, smut warnings under the cut

a/n: our first fic on the blog!! if anyone has any questions or any thoughts to share with me please feel free. this fic is my baby and i hope you all enjoy it as much as i enjoyed writing it ♡

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

sw: dryhumping, use of petnames in bed, no actual sex!!, soft cutie felix except nsfw!!!!

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You'd loved Lee Felix since the day you met him.

Of course, your brain had always convinced you that he was unattainable. You weren't without status, so to speak - your mother was famously known as the Queen's lady-in-waiting, and it was through her job that you'd had the pleasure of meeting the two princes, Felix and his elder brother Chris. You and Felix had clicked instantly. You had no other siblings yourself, and your father had died in the army when you were a baby, leaving your mother widowed and you without one of your intended parental figures.

Felix had taken that all in his stride, though. The day he met you he stumbled up to you with the grace of Bambi's first movement on ice, all short chubby limbs flailing everywhere and eyes formed in crescent moons with the size of his smile. Chris had taken less interest in you. Although polite, he was three years older than the both of you and already had his own group of friends, but you and Felix hadn't even started formal education yet - and you were inseparable as soon as you met. You were enchanted by him, he had been your first crush, and your first love once you were old enough to understand what that was.

You began your life as a shy, timid little girl, just as clumsy as your best friend. Your knobbly knees were always bruised and scarred, peeking out from the tops of your white knee socks and covered in whatever bandages Felix could find to wrap around you. Felix had brought you out of your shell, introduced you to some of his other 'friends' - at the start, they were just kids with similar status to him, but they really did form a tight knit group eventually. Now, you were known to always be by the side of Felix and his group, getting up to whatever secret debauchery you could manage that wouldn't risk any of your positions in society. Your mother, thankfully, had turned a blind eye to most of it, and the Queen was always too occupied to notice.

When you were younger, you and Felix loved to go out gallivanting. You'd stumble to the nearest beach, bags of towels and books in your canvas bags and giggle as you threw them on the sand. You had some form of an unofficial book club, just the two of you. You saw him practically all day everyday, but you'd both discussed and had decided to designate a Saturday afternoon to discuss whatever books you'd found in the extensive palace library and you both avoided any and all kinds of book talk on any other day in the week. The beach had become your place to gush over whatever literature had caught your attention, with the calming waves of the sea crashing behind you and the tweeting of whatever birds had made an appearance that day.

Now, though, you were both of age. You were both twenty one, and that meant that marriage was around the corner for Felix. He'd been so busy lately, you'd barely had the chance to see him. You took upon completing mundane tasks of your own, helping your mother with anything the Queen asked for (much to her polite gratitude, but she definitely knew why you were sulking around), and sometimes you even helped the cooks make food for the whole palace. Felix had teased you relentlessly once he'd seen you in your white frilly apron and you'd had to chase him out of the kitchen with a wooden spoon.

It was weird not having your best friend around so much. Chris was already married, being the heir to the throne, despite the fact there were rumours he would abdicate to Felix. Felix hadn't told you anything about that, and you were sure he would have. Even Chris leaving had left a hole in your heart - no more seeing his muscly eye-candy group of friends around. Well, they still showed up uninvited sometimes. You were pretty sure Changbin and Jisung were never actually invited, not even by Chris, but they lingered around him like they were his little brothers, too.

"Hey, you've been making that daisy chain for like, twenty years," A familiar giggle chimed from above you, and you looked up. Ah yes, your Prince. You'd gotten so lost in memories that you'd been wasting a Saturday afternoon with him. Fuck, you're such an idiot. Felix was looking down at you in your position in his lap, your head nestled on top of his crossed legs in the dress slacks he was supposed to wear everyday. He was wearing a white silk shirt on top of it, billowing in the summer breeze, but the top two buttons were still undone due to the heat of the sun. The summer always made your Prince's freckles shine more on his tan skin, the fawn dots even extending to the exposed skin on his chest. Needless to say, you waited impatiently for the hot season to come around every year. His teeth were gleaming in his smile, radiating sunshine and the gleam bouncing off of the bleach blonde mullet he'd managed to convince his mother to let him have.

You had to deflect. He couldn't know you were upset at not seeing him, although you were nearly certain he must have worked it out already. You shrugged dismissively, looking back at the daisy chain in your hands. Your thumbnails were stained with green from the plant stems, but you were still determined to finish it. You were making it for him, as a crown, because you knew he'd keep it until the flowers wilted, and then he'd get the flowers pressed and he'd put them in his scrapbook. He was such a good friend. His scrapbook was full of mementos of the two of you, even sometimes extending to the whole group - you and Felix, your friends, and Chris and his friends. It was mostly full of just the two of you, though.

"Sorry, Lixie. I guess I'm not all there today. Sorry," You mumbled. "What were you saying?"

"I was saying about Rochester and how he's a possessive asshole- no, you know what, that's not important. What's on your mind, sugarplum?" The cheesy nickname worked exactly how he intended it to, making you giggle and your cheeks burn with embarrassment. You nudged his tummy softly with your elbow, the silk brushing against your skin and making goosebumps rise on your arms. Felix dog-eared the page of the book that he was reading from and shut it softly, placing it beside you both. It was one habit of Felix's that you absolutely hated - like, how could he sleep with a clear conscience knowing that he had creased the delicate pages of so many classics? You'd given him so many bookmarks over the years, even personalised ones that you'd crafted in your spare time with both of your names on, but he always lost them or claimed he'd forgotten them in your book club outings. He leaned back on his palms, smiling down at you fondly. You shifted, turning slightly to see him better. You felt the soft cotton of the navy and white plaid picnic blanket brush against the bottom of your bare legs. You weren't really allowed to wear short skirts, or low cut tops, but on a summer's day like this you were permitted to wear a knee length skirt, so long as it was a thick fabric. Nothing too revealing was allowed.

You hummed in response to him, finding him still staring at you. "You want me to be honest, Pixie?"

Felix giggled at his own cheesy nickname, then nodded eagerly, strands of hair falling over his face before he pushed them back. His forehead had a thin sheen of sweat adorning it. "I always want you to be honest with me."

You ignored the butterflies causing a storm in your stomach over the statement. He was so understanding, so sweet - he always had been, like when he would bandage up your scraped knees or comfort you when something went wrong in your favourite TV show. He was even understanding during one of your many nights of debauchery, when you'd all been playing Seven Minutes in Heaven like the horny teenagers you were and you'd been picked to go in with Felix. You'd been bright red, stuttering and giggling nervously about how you'd never had your first kiss and Felix understood, rubbing your arm softly with his dainty hand and insisting you didn't have to do anything that you weren't ready for. You were so embarrassed, but he made you feel so at ease, and you'd both sat in the storage closet and gossiped about Chris instead.

That was the moment you'd fallen in love with him, you think. You were fifteen.

"I'm worried," You admitted, finally letting the flower chain drop from your fingertips and onto your tummy. Felix instantly shot up. His smile had fallen, and he was now looking at you with a concerned look, brushing hair back from your face and tucking it behind your ear. The butterflies started fluttering even faster, if it was possible. You looked up into his brown eyes, and you looked at his freckles, thinking about the many times you'd tried to count every single one. This was your best friend. This was the love of your life. Your Prince, as you affectionately called him in your head. You could be honest with him. If you couldn't, who could you be truthful with? "I'm worried because I know you're getting married soon. We barely see each other as it is anymore, and I miss you, to be honest. It will be soon, won't it?"

Felix hummed. He nodded thoughtfully, eyes drifting to the daisy chain on your tummy. You saw a small smile at the end of his lips as his fingers brushed over it. He knew it was for him. He'd made you many over the years, too, and you'd kept them in your own scrapbook, despite it being much emptier than his. "It will be soon. My mother is picking the right candidate at the moment. But..."

You furrowed your eyebrows. He hadn't looked back at you, still gazing at the daisy chain and beginning to rub reassuring circles on your side. "... But?"

The smile finally formed on his lips. "You do realise you're her top option, right?"

You shot up from his lap, eyes widening. Felix bit his lip, holding in a laugh. He was laughing at you, that bastard, but it did make sense. You were the Queen's favourite, and she knew how close you and Felix were. She wasn't a nasty or a ruthless Queen. She was a people person, she always donated money to charity and the homeless rating in your country was literally almost zero. She'd done so much for people since she was in power, and she never cared about status - not that it had ever affected you, but she did treat everyone as her equals. She was like Felix in that way, a sweetheart, and she always permitted you and Felix to go on journeys wherever you wanted, so long as you kept safe and there was a guard in the area, just in case. There was one in the meadow with you now, but you couldn't even see them from where you were sitting. She was just... so cool, down to earth. She understood what it was like to be young, within reason.

You were flustered. Your brain had instantly gone to thinking of getting married to Felix, spending nights with him but not in the way you used to, and even... Well, you had to consummate the marriage, didn't you? You were extremely inexperienced in that department, save for a few drunken childish kisses with Chris' friend Changbin when you were just a bit younger, but you still found your mind racing and going through your deepest, darkest fantasies. Fantasies that you would never entertain outside of shoving a hand down your underwear in your bed at night and whining into the satin pillows. You had to hide that you were thinking about that, what the fuck is wrong with you? Time to deflect.

"Well, she does love me," You said boldly. Felix shook his head, punching you in the arm, perhaps a bit harder than he meant to because you let out a hiss and punched him back too hard, in the leg. His smile dropped, groaning and grabbing the spot on his shin where you'd hit him. "But, would you be okay with that, Lixie? It's... me. We'd be like... you know."

"Married? Well, yeah," Felix laughed, still holding his leg. You sighed, giving him a flat look. You needed to keep yourself occupied, so you picked up the daisy chain on the blanket and started to fiddle with it again, threading it through with nimble fingers. Felix finally let go of his leg, throwing himself onto his side so he was lying down on the blanket and facing you. He'd started to fiddle with the cover of the book. Another thing you were getting prepared to tell him off about. "I know what you mean. Honestly, though? I can't think of anyone better to do it with," You felt yourself suppressing a smile at his words, said lowly in that deep voice of his. Everytime he said something like that, your brain instantly went to shit, he liked me back, and you couldn't have that showing on your face when you knew deep down that wasn't the truth. He was unattainable- no, wait, now he wasn't that unattainable, now that you've actually stopped being angsty and depressing and actually thought about it. "I mean, you are my best friend, sugarplum."

You let out a fake laugh at his use of that stupid nickname again, and it seemed to placate him. Best friend. Yeah. Because one thing you hadn't thought about during your insane train of thought, one thing you had always considered and had been the main factor in not confessing to him, was that you couldn't risk ruining the friendship you had built up with him for sixteen years.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Unattainable. He was unattainable. You felt yourself mulling over that thought over and over as you paced in your bedchambers, in your silly Disney pyjamas that now barely fit you and you would never let anyone see. You had no one you could even talk to about this. It was clearly royal intel, secret information, and the only person you could have possibly talked to now never comes around anymore because Chris decided to get fucking married and now spends most of his time boning his wife for an heir. Or just because he likes boning her, you weren't sure, but Felix told you that he'd heard enough through the walls to know that boning was definitely occuring every night. Anyway, Changbin wasn't around much anymore, and he was your top confidant - bar Felix.

You liked living in the palace, but would you like living there as a Princess? Well, fuck yeah, obviously. It was like something out of The Princess Diaries, one of your favourite films which you and Felix had watched over and over. He hated it. You had a good, solid reputation. You were a high member of society due to your mother's job, and you and your mother were even placed on the royal side of the palace for your living quarters. You had a massive bedroom, an extravagant en suite with a relaxing bathtub and a sitting room with a huge TV that you and your mother always curled up in front of. How could it even get any better? You had seen Felix's room, when you were younger, but it kind of became unspokenly forbidden when you got to your teenage years, lest something gets out of hand. You understood it, actually. You'd been going through enough hormones to know that you had definitely come dangerously close to propositioning him a few times.

You had propositioned Changbin, obviously. You two had your first kisses together, and also a few drunken kisses, but you'd ended up as just friends. He was probably the only one who knew about your feelings for Felix, and he admitted you weren't his type anyway. You were sure he was in love with Felix's friend, Hyunjin, but you never commented on the way he looked at Hyunjin like he'd hung the stars in the sky. You couldn't really say anything either, knowing full well that you looked at Felix the same.

You needed to speak to Changbin. The unbearable amount of anxiety at not knowing was mounting in you. But it hit you, then, in the middle of your pacing and chewing on your thumbnail. You looked at the copy of Jane Eyre that Felix had given you, placed on your bed. Your mother knew. She had to have known you were a choice, surely, and she hadn't even told you?

You shook your head, resuming pacing. You couldn't blame her. Felix wasn't even meant to tell you. It made sense, though - you'd received pretty much the same education as a royal, and you and Felix were inseparable. You knew you had the etiquette, the social skills (thanks to Felix). You were pretty much a Princess without being a Princess. It had to be you, right?

Did you want it to be you?

You threw yourself onto your bed, wrapping the soft pillow around your head and screaming incoherently into the fabric. It didn't help. Who were the other choices? You thought of other girls who lingered around the palace, ones that had definitely had crushes on your Prince growing up and had given him fleeting glances with blushed cheeks and an agape mouth. None of their names even came to mind. Maybe a Princess from another country, for a marriage of creating alliances? You could see the Queen considering that. She was always very logical, but you also knew she had her son's best interests in mind. Chris had married a Princess from a different Kingdom, actually, but his marriage wasn't even arranged. He'd been in love with her since they were teenagers, and they could only meet once or twice a year in arranged legal meetings. You remember them having perhaps not so quiet dates together. Everyone knew, and when they announced their engagement everyone was happy but not surprised. Felix had taken too long to find a wife, and even the thoughtful Queen couldn't let that slide. People were asking questions, personal questions about his demeanour and whether he was off putting, and she couldn't deflect the questions for much longer.

You hadn't even noticed you'd drifted off, and you woke up to your face still smushed in the pillow. You immediately inhaled sharply upon waking up, taking in the light outside. You'd drooled all over your pillow, leaving a huge wet patch and your hair was knotted every which way, making you look like you'd been dragged backwards down the hedge. Damn. Thinking too hard has taken its toll on you, really.

A knock on the door made you spring up from your bed, smoothing down your hair with one hand, before another three knocks came in succession and you paused your movements. It was yours and your mother's secret knock - one knock, then three quick ones after. She'd seen you in worse states. Much worse states, even hungover states that you'd cried over while she held a bucket to your head and had promised to keep it a secret. You padded over to the door, opening it slightly just to make sure it was in fact, her. It was, obviously. Not even Felix knew your secret knock.

She came in and sat on the big armchair in front of the fire. Neither of you had said anything. You stood awkwardly, wringing your hands. She finally looked at you, a kind look on her face.

"I have two things to say," She smiled. You loosened up a bit, realising that it was just your mother. She'd always been stuck by you. It had been only the two of you, after all. It was all you knew. You nodded, rushing over to sit cross legged in front of her like a child. "First of all, the Queen would like to meet with you in an hour. Second of all, you're seriously still wearing those Dumbo pyjamas? The legs aren't even long enough anymore, I can see your knees, they're meant to be trousers not shorts-"

You blinked owlishly. Her rant went in through one ear and out the other, before she realised you weren't listening. She sighed. You blinked again, pulling the ends of your pyjama trousers absentmindedly to try and make them longer. "The Queen... wants to meet with me?"

Your mother nodded. She wasn't giving anything away by her face, but she definitely knew. She knew. She knew what you were going to be told. God, why couldn't she just ignore her job duties for once and be a fucking mother? You chided yourself mentally, she was a great mother. But you were frustrated. You needed to know now, not in an hour!

"Just... just me, and her?" You questioned, cocking your head to the side. Your mother shook her head, fingernails picking at a loose thread on her skirt. She was avoiding eye contact. What the fuck is going on?

Oh God, it's not you, is it? Fuck.

"Felix will be there," Your mother stated. She jumped up sharply. "I'll help you pick an outfit, dear. Come." She beckoned you to the armoire in the corner and you followed dutifully.

Your mother began to flick through pieces of fabric hanging off of hangers, and you tried to ignore the anxiety now mounting again in the pit of your stomach.

You so badly wanted it to be you. Just for once, you wanted to be selfish.

An hour later, on the dot, you stood outside the main hall. It was where everyone - royalty and staff alike - ate food together. That was, again, one of the kind Queen's rules. It was also where her throne was, where she had meetings with people. You'd never been on the receiving end of such a formal meeting, but one of the Queen's maids had come and collected you from your room five minutes before the allocated time. You'd managed to run a brush through your hair, thank God, and your mother had put you in a baby blue pinafore dress that came down to mid-knee on top of a white long sleeved turtleneck. The turtleneck was far too warm for the weather, but you knew the Queen would appreciate the conservative outfit. You stared down at the Mary Jane's on your feet.

You shut your eyes, trying to control your breathing, before realising you really couldn't afford to be late. Maybe you'd fucked up and done something wrong. You raised your hand, knocking softly on the door, but it swung open with the small force of your knock. The Queen sat on her throne, flipping through the pages of a book. Your Prince stood behind her, leaning over the throne, pointing at certain pages and giggling. She was smiling fondly at the pages, rubbing her fingertips over certain ones and mumbling statements to her son. She'd began to age slightly, with wrinkles adorning her eyes and mouth, but she didn't look any less beautiful. She had long, dark hair and freckles, just like Felix, but her smile was as kind as Chris'.

Oh? They seemed happy, at least.

You cleared your throat. The Queen, her Majesty, looked up at you and smiled acknowledgingly, shutting the book on her lap. She beckoned for you to come in and you did a small curtsy before shuffling into the lavish room. You could smell the kitchen from here, and you knew the cooks were whipping up something fierce by the enticing smell of it. You hadn't had time to have breakfast, because you'd slept in, and lunch was still around two hours away. You hoped your stomach wouldn't grumble too loud as you eventually approached the throne.

Felix smiled at you. He was wearing a similar pair of dress slacks to yesterday, but this time his silk shirt was a baby blue, the Kingdom's colours. A silver chain rested on his neck and you took note of the earrings dangling from his ears - another impulse decision you'd both done when you were younger. You know Felix had gotten in trouble for it at first, but the Queen seemed to be buying him a lot of expensive earrings lately. She knew what it was like to be young, after all. You smiled back awkwardly, rubbing your sweaty hands on your pinafore. It was then you realised you were in the Kingdom's colours too. Very patriotic of your mother.

"You want some tea, sugarplum?" Felix's voice drew you out of your thoughts, and you winced at the nickname. In front of his mother? In front of the Queen? Seriously? Your eyes seemed to convey a similar message to him, a flat glare, but he simply giggled. You saw him pouring from a teapot into a dainty teacup, and reverted your eyes to the Queen. She was still looking down at the book in her lap, and you looked down at it in confusion.

It was the scrapbook Felix made for the two of you. It was full of pictures from when you were younger to now, full of cinema tickets from secret outings and full of pressed flowers. Some of your favourite book quotes had even made it into there, scrawled in both of your handwritings. Even your school graduation pictures were in there. You'd been sent to a private school for the upper society, obviously, but you still had a normal graduation - albeit small, and full of snobby people.

"Thank you for meeting me, your Majesty," You were babbling in awkwardness. Oh, God. It was like word vomit, you couldn't stop it. "I'm really glad to meet with you today. I'm just wondering, have I done something wrong? You never ask to meet me."

The Queen laughed, her eyes forming crescent moons exactly the same as Felix's. Felix appeared at your side then, handing you a small teapot with what looked like peach tea in it. Your favourite, because of course, your Prince remembers that. You awkwardly shifted on one foot to the other, taking small sips of the tea to try and cool your nerves and almost screaming because it was still scalding hot. Felix was trying to hold in a laugh beside you, you could tell without even looking at him. Bastard.

"You haven't done anything wrong, sweetheart," The Queen's voice was soft, and she was now looking at you, taking in your outfit. She nodded approvingly. "You look lovely, very sophisticated. I believe I've made the right choice."

Your cheeks burned red. No. Fucking. Way. "T-The right choice? Do you mean...?"

The Queen beckoned over one of her staff members and they scurried over in a similar manner to the way your mother would have done. They placed a box in her hands, a small black velvet box that looked like it could be opened seamlessly. A... ring box? "I apologise, sweetheart. I've kept you in the dark a little bit with all of this. Would you bring her a chair, dear? A comfortable one."

The staff member scuttled over to grab a small chair with a red pillow on top of it and placed it behind you. You looked to your left side, still in shock, and the staff member simply smiled and motioned to the chair. You muttered a thanks in acknowledgement and sat on the pillow. Damn, the chair was comfortable. Felix was still standing, watching you hold your teacup awkwardly in a sweaty hand. He looked like he was about to die of laughter. God, you hated him so much, but you also really didn't. He just loved to tease you.

Maybe he would in bed, too-

"So, as you probably know, our favourite boy hasn't found someone to court yet," The Queen began speaking once you were sat down. Felix groaned, and his mother simply laughed. "Hush, now, sweetheart."

"Mum, you said you wouldn't be mean-"

Their dynamics always amazed you. She took the piss out of him, to put it quite literally, but in such an eloquent manner it could be easily missed as them having a difficult relationship. They didn't. He was a mummy's boy, through and through. It was one of the things you loved about him. You could tell a lot about a man from the way he treated his mother.

"Felix, hush now," She admonished again, but the smile on her face didn't leave. Felix mumbled something and then went back over to the side to fiddle with the teapots. Good, he should feel awkward. You looked at her outfit, beautiful in an ornate sense, pearl clips pinning her long, dark hair up so you could see the freckles on her face that matched your Prince. "I took it upon myself to find Felix a bride. I hope you don't think I'm cruel for doing so, I do have my baby's best interests in mind."

Felix groaned, putting his face in his hands. "'M not a baby-"

"You always will be to me, sweetheart. But it was time to get you courting, to get you married. I couldn't do that when you're always gallivanting discussing books with this one now, could I?" Your cheeks burned. You started to stutter out an apology, but she held up a hand to stop you. "Nonsense, sweetheart. Your friendship is one I've always admired. You're inseparable, and it is lovely to see you both so happy. You know that I value your mother highly, also."

You nodded, grinning. You felt a bit more at ease at the praise. The tea had also cooled down slightly too, so you started to sip it again, ignoring the way Felix was intently watching you with an evil smile to see if you'd burn your tongue again.

"Then, I thought about it. I thought, well, I do value your mother extremely highly, and you've been very helpful as of late. Obviously, that is because this one isn't taking up all of your time again," She nodded her head towards Felix. It was such an informal motion that you laughed in shock, and she giggled, a chiming similar to Felix's laugh that shouldn't have come from a middle aged woman who was literally the top of society. You still weren't completely getting at what she was saying, but you were enjoying the conversation. It was just praise, praise, praise. Amazing. "So, I want to offer you something. I want you to know you can decline, and you and your mother will remain here in your current roles. It would make me very happy, however, if you agreed to marry Felix."

You blinked. Okay, yeah, you kind of knew that's what she was getting at, but still - coming out of her mouth you thought you were going to have a heart attack. Your eyes flitted to Felix, who was simply nodding at you in encouragement, eyes widened. He... what, had he convinced her with that scrapbook? He wanted to marry you? Ugh, he probably just wanted to marry you so he didn't have to marry someone he didn't know. He doesn't even know you like him like that. But... a little part of you wanted to be selfish. You scratch his back by not letting him marry someone he's not close with, and he scratches yours by at least pretending to be in love with you. Could you deal with that, though? The pretending?

You nodded in acknowledgement at what the Queen said, looking at your tea again. The tea leaves were floating around in the liquid, mocking you, as if saying you were so fucking dumb. Of course you were going to say yes. "Um... may I ask, your Majesty, what would happen if I said no?"

You refused to look at Felix. The Queen hummed, looking down at the box in her lap. Oh, that was a ring box, definitely. Funny, in a weird way. "Well, this way, if you got married, you'd be able to spend a lot of time together. You'd see each other a lot. You'd be happy. If you decline... I'd have to find someone else for him to-"

"I'll do it," You grimaced at cutting the Queen off, but you couldn't even bear to think of him with someone else. Instead of chiding you, she beamed from ear to ear, and Felix rushed over to you.

He leaned down, wrapping his arms around you and leaning in for a hug. He felt so soft, all silk and soft skin, but you knew what was underneath that shirt. You'd seen it, and now you were definitely going to see everything else. He smelled of lavender and orange blossom, that expensive perfume he's always spraying on himself, but you could smell notes of the flowers in the meadow that were still left on his skin from yesterday.

Okay, yeah, you could get used to this.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You didn't get a proper engagement, but that was alright. You'd been given the ring pretty much straight away after your meeting, and when you'd got back to your room after lunch your mother was still there, but now she was gushing, almost bouncing off the walls.

The ring was beautiful. Even using that adjective felt like an understatement. It was clearly an heirloom, passed through generations. The gem in the middle was blue tourmaline, and whilst it matched the Kingdom's colour it was extremely rare - or so you thought, you weren't sure - and it was surrounded by a cluster of diamonds and placed on a thin gold band. You'd always dreamed of getting engaged, even letting yourself think about getting engaged to Felix sometimes, when you were feeling particularly selfish. You always thought it would happen on the meadow, or on your guys' beach that you'd had less time to go to these days because it was further out. You didn't think you wanted it to be pretty lavish, just you two, so you weren't that angry about just being given the ring and told to prepare for an outing with Felix later on. He was your safe place, and you did want to talk privately about the engagement, so you weren't too angry.

You thought about it a lot, looking down at the gem glinting in the light. Your mother had left, and you were now just sitting at your vanity staring at your own hand. The public knew who you were. They knew you were Prince Felix's best friend, and more than a few people had deemed you two as soulmates, people from a similar status who were bound to fall in love and get married. Now, it just felt very one sided. You knew you were in love with Felix, and you'd agreed to the marriage with little thought, but now you felt a bit anxious. How were you going to pretend not to love him when you had to sleep next to him every night? Or when you had to go on dates with him? The engagement would be formally announced tomorrow, with the outing tonight being specifically for you to wear the ring in the public's eye and for you two to dial up the romance and get people speculating. The engagement party was planned to take place tomorrow night after the announcement, with everyone important there.

It was a beautiful ring. You just weren't sure you could pretend any more. You were sick of pretending to just view him as a friend.

When the night rolled by, you'd dressed in something a bit cosier - not too warm, because the nights weren't getting cold much anymore. You'd switched your pinafore and long sleeve for a thin knitted jumper and some long linen trousers, throwing a long but light jacket on top. You had to look sophisticated, respectful even. You deemed you looked alright after tucking the jumper into the trousers and adorning a belt, and when you swung the door open to your room, Felix was stood there.

He'd also put on a thin jumper in lieu of his thin billowing silk shirts, but he still looked just as good in the blue cable knit staring you in the eyes. He'd even put on a long coat just like yours. It was like you were matching, but you hadn't intended to. You looked up at him, meeting his eyes, and you swore you'd never seen him look happier, not even when you'd moan in delight eating his homemade brownies or when you'd go sick after eating too many of said brownies because they were too good. His hair was neatly styled, pulled back in a stylish half up-half down ponytail, with a few strands dangling in his face.

"Hey, sugarplum," He spoke, voice low. You groaned, pushing him out of the doorway and leaving the room, shutting the door behind you. He laughed in delight at your annoyance and linked arms with you. It was then you noticed he had a flower in his hand - just one stem, but the meaning was enough to almost make you cry.

"Oh my God, Felix, is that-"

"Baby's breath," He unlinked his arm with you, passing the stem to you. When you two were younger, you'd been entranced by the baby's breath growing in your meadow and you'd both been determined it was the work of fairies. It was too beautiful to be normal, and you and Felix had collected them endlessly until there was basically none left. You called them fairy flowers, and that's sort of where Felix's nickname had come from - your mother had called him Pixie affectionately when he'd revealed that he really thought these flowers were part of a fairy's little garden. He pretended to hate it, but you know he secretly loved it when you called him that. Chris had told you.

"You remembered. We used to call them fairy flowers," You brushed your hand over the flower, grinning at the softness. Felix chuckled, whispering a 'yeah'. He quickly pinched the flower from you again, tucking it behind your ear. You quite literally swooned, smiling up at his own beaming face. It got a bit awkward for you then though, because you couldn't even pretend not to be in love with him now, before you're even married. You found yourself in a state of word vomit again. "Jeez, dial down the PDA, Romeo. We're not even outside yet."

You walked off, leaving Felix trailing after you laughing at your words. "'Jeez'? What are you, a frat boy? You need to stop reading fanfictions, you know," He slung his arm around your waist, leading you out of the palace grounds. You rolled your eyes, ignoring him, but you leaned in closer to his touch. Tonight was meant to just be a late night walk, full of holding hands and perhaps acting like normal people getting some street food from a dodgy merchant that would give you a bad tummy for a few days. Once you'd left the ornate gates, with one of the guards waving you both goodbye, you started to walk down the street and into the busier part of town. The palace wasn't too far from the hustle and bustle of the city, because again, the Queen apparently loved to be normal. People came to the palace all the time and took pictures and whatnot, but they were never allowed into the actual building. That was too far, and a danger to security.

You both began to walk, feeling the much cooler breeze blow through your hair and rattle the petals upon your ear. It was a bit ticklish, but he'd put it there, so it was staying there. His arm stayed around your waist, but it was comforting. You'd done stuff like this a million times. You were both extremely affectionate and loved touch anyway, so it wasn't strange. Of course, it felt different. You were engaged to him now. You could like... kiss, and stuff. You felt like a high school girl kicking her legs and twirling her hair over her crush, but you decided you were going to allow it because you were still young, and still yet to have a lot of your firsts with someone.

Once you got to a street where there were a few people milling around, Felix motioned to a wooden bench on the side of the path. Overgrown moss and bushes wrapped around it, but it still looked quite cute. "Wanna sit down here for a bit? I think we should probably have a chat, you know. About everything," When you looked at him, he looked embarrassed for once, strange given his usual brazen nature. You found yourself wanting to comfort him, so you nodded, sitting down on the bench and smoothing your trousers down. He sat next to you, turning to face you on the bench and fiddling with the cuffs of his coat.

"Felix, are you okay about marrying me?" You blurted out. "I mean, I know you probably don't want to marry anyone else, but you won't even get the chance to try to get to know everyone. You're stuck with me."

Felix furrowed his eyebrows. His head snapped up to you. "Um, what the fuck? You're my best friend. I am absolutely okay with getting married to you."

Your chest heaved. You felt reassured, but still not completely relieved. "But... Lixie. We'll have to kiss. And we'll be sharing a bed. You know we have to consummate the marriage, right?"

There was that smirk on his face again. You regretted ever saying anything. "You've been thinking about having sex with me?"

You groaned, putting your head in your hands. You heard Felix chuckling next to you, his shoulders shaking the whole rickety bench. You finally looked up at him, punching him in the leg again. His laughter ceased as he yelped. Good, bastard. "You know what I mean, Lix. We are literally going to have to, or the marriage won't be like, real. Or something, I don't know."

"You do know, you know everything. You're smarter than me," Felix chided you. He sighed, leaning to put his head on your shoulder. "What are you actually worried about? Tell me."

"It's just..." You couldn't say it. But maybe you could, and phrase it differently. A conditional question, to answer the real question inside of you. "What if we fell in love?"

Felix hummed, shutting his eyes softly. "Then everyone would have been right about us."

"Y-You... you wouldn't mind it? What about our friendship?"

He rubbed his cheek against you comfortingly. "It would only be made better, sugarplum," He pulled back, grinning at you. Oh no. That smile meant a Dumb Felix comment was incoming. "Plus, I know you think I'm smoking hot, so-"

"Felix!" You whined. He stuck his tongue out at you cheekily, making you roll your eyes. You turned away from him, staring ahead at a large tree on the other side of the path.

"I mean, we are compatible. Would it be so bad?" He sounded insecure now. You looked at him. His eyes were gleaming from the moonlight, and he did look really nervous. Perhaps... he wants to know if you'd hate him if either of you caught feelings. He wants to know if you think it would ruin your friendship. Honestly? After that conversation, you didn't. You shook your head, smiling softly at him. He stuck his tongue out again, trying to lighten the mood, and you did it back. You both had a fit of giggles afterwards, hitting each other while laughing like you always do.

Then, you saw it. A distinctive flash of a camera behind Felix, towards the end of the path. Oh, yeah, you're meant to be like, loving it up right now. You grabbed Felix's arm, pulling him in.

"Wh- wha-"

You brought his ear to your mouth, looking down at it and whispering. "There's a reporter taking pictures behind you. Don't look, but we should probably be more affectionate."

Felix pulled away, nodding solemnly. You could practically see the cogs turning in his head as he spoke, then a lightbulb going off. "Kiss me."

"H- Huh?!"

"Or, I'll kiss you, I don't mind. But that would really prove a point, wouldn't it? So caught up in each other that we forget royal etiquette?" He'd leaned back more comfortably on the bench, slinging an arm behind you. His fingertips were dancing up your shoulder as you were turned to face him, faces only inches apart. You licked your lips. He licked his own. The flash appeared again. Oh, the reporter liked that.

"Felix... I don't know-"

"I know it's not your first kiss, sugarplum. Can't back out of kissing me now," You internally groaned at the mention of him knowing what you and Changbin had done. Fuck Changbin, stupid blabbermouth. Felix was smirking, looking at you.

"Fuck it. As long as it won't be awkward?"

"We're gonna have to kiss a lot more, may as well kiss now," He shrugged. You shrugged. He was right. Eventually, you nodded. His fingertips carried on tracing shapes on your shoulder - you managed to make out a flower, a heart, maybe even a cat's head. Or a dog's head, you weren't sure. His other hand went up to your chin, fingertips coming to lift your head up to be closer to him once again. His eyes went to yours, a silent question in those deep brown eyes, and you nodded in response.

With that, you were being kissed by your first love. Your one sided love, to be precise, but you actually couldn't find it in you to care. You didn't even realise the camera flashing repeatedly as you pressed your lips against his, a chaste but open mouthed kiss. His lips were extremely soft, and you fluttered your eyes shut and leaned in to get more. He obliged, hand now going to the back of your head to bring you in further. You whimpered at the dominance the grab showed, and he let out a sharp breath of air through his freckled nose in response. You wanted more, so much more. Your lips pressed against each other over and over, a little messy but you liked it like that. Just as you tried to get your tongue against his, he gently pulled away, with one more small peck to your nose.

You were embarrassed when you realised you'd tried to follow him for more kisses. You quickly avoided eye contact, and Felix elbowed you.

"Look at me!" He whined for attention. Ah yeah, same old Felix. You'd forgotten what he was like in that ten second kiss. He still had issues with wanting to be the centre of attention. You looked at him awkwardly, fists clenched in your sweaty palms. You almost felt bad the beautiful ring had to live there. Once you'd looked at him, his sad face fell and he smirked. "Good, huh?"

"W-Was I... good? I've only ever kissed Changbin," You admitted, grimacing. Felix sat up sharply, putting a hand on your knee. You almost flinched away to try and sedate your own sexual desires, but he would get suspicious.

"Uhhh, yes! It was good, I really enjoyed that. Thank you for doing that for me," Felix comforted. When you nodded in response, he grabbed your chin again and placed another peck on your lips. "I... honestly? I kind of wouldn't mind kissing you again."

The boy's boldness shocked you everyday, and you'd known him for sixteen years. "For... for practice, right? When we're married, we're gonna have to do it loads, so-"

"Yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. For practice," Felix agreed. He was nodding eagerly. He suddenly shifted, looking down at the watch on his wrist. "Aw, shit. We should probably head back. Wanna watch a film in your room when we get back?"

You grinned. Back to the same old. This was better, though now you knew you'd be thinking about being on your back with him on top of you making out while you were watching a film. Quickly, you realised something. "That will look so sus though, now that we're engaged."

"We'll keep it a secret," He wiggled, elbowing you. You found yourself laughing, jumping up to walk back to the palace. You held your outstretched hand to him.

"Your majesty?"

"Ah, yes, my fine maiden," Felix giggled, sliding off the bench to grab your hand. You both started to walk to the edge of the path, skipping along as if you had no cares in the world. You heard rustling, probably the sounds of the reporter leaving.

You hoped you'd done okay. You hoped you'd made it believable. Well, you probably had, given your actual feelings - but had Felix?

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

You'd woken up the next day with a piece of popcorn stuck to your forehead and another person snoring next to you. You blinked yourself awake drearily, leaning up on your palms and looking around your room. Your TV had turned onto standby, and you looked to your right. Felix was in your room. Felix was in your bed. You'd- oh, no. You'd totally just fallen asleep watching a movie, nevermind. Totally fine.

No, actually. Totally not fine!

You shrieked, grabbing Felix's slender waist and wiggling him awake. He'd borrowed a pair of your more comfortable clothes and the t-shirt had been just a bit too small, riding up with every move and now exposing nearly his whole tummy. You tried to ignore it, continuing to shake him awake. The piece of popcorn stuck to your forehead fell onto the bed with an unceremonious noise and you groaned. Eventually, after what felt like hours of shaking your best friend, he opened his eyes and gave you a wide smile, pulling you in for a cuddle. You ignored how lovely it felt and tried to get him to regain consciousness and morality.

"Felix."

"Hmm?"

"You are in my bed."

"I know, dummy- Oh." Felix shot up, nearly sending you flying off the bed. His hand landed on the piece of popcorn, crumbling it into your pristine white sheets. You tried not to cry. His eyes widened, staring at you. "What's the- have you checked your phone? What's the time?"

You shook your head, reaching over to grab your phone. You seldom went on your phone, preferring to read and spend time with Felix, but you had it in case of emergencies and also sometimes for TikTok, but you'd never admit that. You blinked. 11am.

You'd missed breakfast, but you also had zero missed calls or texts on your phone. No one had woken you? Weird. You flipped the screen to show Felix, and he leaned in closer. You were brandishing your wallpaper of the two of you on the beach last summer, but you didn't care. He grabbed your phone, entered your passcode and clicked on the phone app.

"No one even tried to wake us?" He asked. You shook your head. He laid back down, seeming weirdly reassured. You didn't question it, slinking up next to him and putting your head on his shoulder. He moved his arm accordingly, pulling you into his chest and still clicking random buttons on your phone. Eventually, he landed on the search tab, and typed in 'news'. Oh, shit. Was it announced?

Yep. In blaring headlines, multiple news media sources were now releasing reports with every single detail of the story, including pictures of the two of you last night. The titles were all similar, going along the lines of "the sweet Prince and beloved best friend confirmed to be engaged!" or "sophisticated best friend and the lovely Prince taking a romantic late night stroll!". You scoffed, clicking on one and scrolling down. The pictures were cute, to be honest. Some even showed the two of you laughing and hitting each other last night, or you two walking home hand in hand and skipping as if you were kids. One picture, however, is what stuck with you. It was the two of you mid-kiss, Felix's hand on the back of your head and his other holding your shoulder, keeping you in place. It was fucking hot.

"Damn, we look good, you know?" Felix mused, zooming in on the picture. You hummed. You did, you couldn't deny that. "My mum was so real for thinking of us getting married. Like, we totally look good together. Imagine our kids."

Imagine what we'll do to make kids, you thought, but you bit your tongue. You giggled, slapping Felix's chest playfully, then a thought came into your stupid lizard brain. "Hey, Lix?"

"Yeah?" He was still scrolling through an article, laughing at some of the sentences. Everyone loved the two of you, but a few were jealous that you'd managed to snag him. Good.

"Did you mean what you said last night? About practice?" Felix's thumb stopped on the screen. His eyes darted to you, his hair still mussed from sleep. He just stared at you, and you lost your nerve. "Sorry. Weird thing to say. I was just wondering-"

"No, not weird. I meant it. You wanna make out? For practice?" Felix locked your phone, chucking it to the end of the bed. You didn't have time to scold him for throwing your things around like that before his hand was carding in your hair, fingertips scratching at your scalp. God, you loved it when he did that. Your eyes shut in bliss. You totally forgot what he asked. "Hey, earth to sugarplum."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sure. For practice."

Okay, so you were totally being super selfish. But, you were going to be having sex with him soon. You could do a little making out to prepare, right? You were just a woman, after all. Nothing wrong with that. His fingers gripped your hair with a different intensity then, pulling at the strands slightly, and you choked back a whine. You opened your eyes, looking up at him.

He hummed, looking at you. He tilted his head to the side, thinking. "Maybe... yeah," He grabbed your arm, pulling you over him. He positioned you exactly how he wanted you, on top of him, straddling his hips. His dainty hands went to your waist, rubbing circles. "Yeah, like this. For practice."

"For practice," You agreed solemnly. You were beginning to think that maybe it wasn't for practice. Maybe he just wanted to. He scooted up, leaning up against the pillows so he was sat up and you were sat on top of him. You tried to ignore the fact that you could feel what was going on between his legs through your thin sleep shorts. You couldn't get too wound up during this, just in case it was just for practice. Knotting your hands into the fabric of his - your - white t-shirt, you leaned down, brushing your nose with his. You were being selfish, but bold, but mostly selfish.

Felix's eyes flitted down to your lips, leaning up to place a soft kiss there. You smiled softly, and he returned yours with a smile that could only be described as filled with fondness. You bit your lip, noticing the way his eyes honed in on your teeth and perhaps his grip tightened on your hips just a bit, but he'd always deny it.

"Lixie." You muttered. You were too shy. He knew exactly what you meant, and raised one hand up to grab at the back of your head. He brought your lips to his, attaching his mouth to yours in a way that was completely different from yesterday. Yesterday was for show, but this seemed personal, hungry almost. You decided you were going to take what you could get. You pressed your lips to his harder, making him choke out a noise of surprise. It was messy, again, open mouthed kisses that were nothing akin to precise or experienced, but you could get to know each other, get to know what you liked. Right at that moment, all you knew was that you liked him, and you would be so pissed off if he didn't let you get your tongue in his mouth like he did last night.

Your hands went up to his face, cradling his cheeks in your palms and slipping your tongue into his mouth. Your tongues brushed against each other, and you whined, hips kicking up just slightly before you managed to stop yourself. He grabbed your hips, flipping you over so he was on top of you, not breaking the kiss. His lips kept brushing against yours as his tongue entered your mouth, groaning at the feeling. You couldn't stop breathing heavily through your nose, your hands roaming up his back and landing on his hair, pulling him down to kiss you harder. Your lips felt bruised, swollen, but you never wanted to stop kissing him.

With that thought, he bit your lip, pulling away and letting it release against your teeth. You squirmed, licking your lips excessively to try and stop them feeling so swollen. Felix looked debauched, his hair even more tangled and his lips just as red and swollen as yours. His eyes were dark, staring down at you.

"Baby. Bestie. I'm sorry, but I'm- I'm sorry..." He whispered, his head going to the crook of your neck to place soothing kisses there. He was breathing heavily, shifting ever so slightly on top of you. You felt it then, what he was apologising for. His length was rock hard, the shaft pressing into your core and giving you just the slightest bit of stimulation. "'M so fucking hard, sugarplum, I'm sorry."

"I-It's okay, Lixie. I think I'm... I'm wet, too," You whispered, and he threw his head back, groaning. "Practice makes perfect, y'know. We can keep making out." Felix nodded eagerly, and he grabbed your thighs, linking them around his hips. He ducked to place a few more kisses on your neck, biting a little at the area where your throat met your jaw. You let out a moan, neck bearing to the opposite side to give him full access and he clearly approved, biting harder.

"Baby, c-can I just," He ground his hips into yours, groaning and stuttering his words out. He immediately stopped, looking down at you. "Can I? I can make us both feel good, no sex. We can just grind a little on eachother. I won't put it in, I promise-"

With that, a knock on the door interrupted you both. You were fully prepared to start swinging at whoever was on the other end. Felix looked like he was about to die, cheeks flushed and hair tangled every which way. You both stared at each other in disbelief. Okay, so you had kind of really lost yourself there, and now somebody is at the door while the nation's favourite Prince is currently on top of you grinding into you with full intent to cum. You'd only just announced your engagement. You could've got pregnant before you even got married. Jesus, what is wrong with you? You sighed, moving to sit up, and Felix moved off of you. He ran a hand through his knotted hair.

"I should... fuck, Felix, what do we do?" You knew you both looked the image of lust, lips kiss bitten and swollen and hair everywhere. You could even feel the wet patch in your sleep shorts. Shit, okay.

Felix looked to be holding back a laugh. You felt terrified, but you almost laughed too, in pure disbelief. You both covered your mouths before you shot off the bed, slipping your shorts off your legs and replacing them with a pair of longer trousers from your drawer. You honestly couldn't care less if he'd seen you in your underwear, you'd bathed together when you were younger. You motioned to the en suite dramatically and Felix ran in there instantly, still giggling quietly, locking the door behind him. You shook your head fondly as another knock was firmly punched against the door. Jesus, couldn't even give you a second?

"Coming!" You called, walking over to the door and trying your best to fake yawn loudly so they thought you'd just woken up. When you opened the door, Chris stood there, a happy smile on his face.

"Okay, I'm so coming in! Why didn't you tell me you and Felix are serious now?" He pushed you back into the room, throwing himself onto your bed dramatically. It was quite funny, seeing him lying on the bed you'd just accosted his brother on. He was resting against the messy sheets in a perfect suit and tie. You shook your head, letting out a laugh.

"Okay, we're not. It's an arranged thing, Chris. We're still only best friends," You chose your words wisely, fiddling with the drawstring on your trousers. Chris hummed, giving you a strange look. Changbin. Fucking Changbin, he'd definitely said something. God. "And, why didn't you ask your own brother this? I'm simply an accessory."

"Because my own brother is currently locked inside your bathroom pretending he's not there?" Chris replied instantly. Your eyes widened.

"No, he's not. Why would you even think-"

"Okay, well. I know he is, so," Chris shrugged. You sighed.

"Felix, you can come out," You said. The lock slowly clicked open and Felix emerged, looking sheepish. Thank God the shock of Chris arriving had made his boner go down, so now he didn't look too lustful. He'd also clearly ran your brush through his hair before coming out. You couldn't say the same for yourself.

Felix threw himself down on the bed next to you and Chris, groaning and stretching his limbs. "Did anyone ask where we were?"

Chris chuckled. He fiddled with the wedding band on his left hand. "Yep. I made up an excuse, said you'd gone out for a walk again and were getting food out. I had a feeling you'd both be spending the night together. Princess Diaries again?"

You shook your head. "Nope. It's too real now."

"Mind you, I don't think there was this much 'practising' going on between Mia and her potential husband in the second one," Chris looked up from his hand. You averted your eyes.

"Dunno what you mean-"

"How much did you hear, what the fuck?!" Felix shrieked. Oh, great, thanks.

"I mean, the walls are thin, dude. I heard a lot on my way down the corridor. But, I'm glad you two are having fun with it, at least. Arranged marriages can be shit sometimes," Chris stretched similarly to Felix, before reaching down and clapping Felix on his back harshly. Felix groaned, throwing himself around the bed in protest. "Anyway, I should be off now. Congratulations again, guys. You should probably get ready for the party tonight though."

Chris began to walk out of the room, and Felix stood up.

"I should... go. With him. You know?" You nodded in response to his statement. He waited until Chris had rounded the corner, and leaned down, pressing a swift peck to your lips. You squeaked in surprise, cheeks burning crimson. He giggled, giving you a sweet wave and running off. "See you later, bestie!"

You wondered if you’d ever be permitted to drop the bestie, maybe once you’re married to him, but it couldn’t come soon enough. You wanted to let yourself be selfish just this once.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[bslrecs]

After reading up this ch 5.. yup, this series is a must read!!!

off the deep end. (04)

~(part 4) the eighth~

pairing: rebel!felix x reader (f)

genre: non-idol au, post-apocalypse/dystopian au. wc: 15.7k

series rating: 18+ **minors do not interact**

chapter warnings: violent mature themes, explicit description of murder/death, explicit sexual content, implied unprotected intercourse, alcohol use/intoxication, oppressive government, brief mention of parent death, traumatic past/abuse, fighting, weaponry (knife use), stabbing, injury, blood, angst, language, please lmk if i missed any!

a/n: thank you so so much to everyone who has been waiting patiently for this update. :) i truly appreciate every single one of you and im so excited (and a little nervous) to finally be putting this out there so as always any feedback, likes, and reblogs are more appreciated than you know. i hope you enjoy.♡♡

~series masterlist~

There are people you will always be drawn to, for you were made from the same clusters of stars. There are parts of you that are made from them as well, and that is what keeps drawing you in. Like gravity. You will come across many soulmates in your current lifetime. But that doesn't mean you will get to keep them.

Felix gripped the handles of the bike with white knuckles. He’d taken the same route so many times before that he could've made it back to District 6 with his eyes closed, but he kept them wide open tonight.

For as long as he could remember, Felix had always made a point to appreciate the night sky. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing much to admire about it during the daytime. Nothing special about thick gray clouds, ominous and foreboding. And on days when the sun did decide to make an appearance, it was harsh. It invited him to stay underneath it, blanketed in warmth, until it burned. 

Much like Felix himself, who had a habit of turning everything good in his life to ash.

But not the moon. The moon was the exact opposite of Felix. Peaceful and gentle, and he'd spent so much time looking up at it that he may as well have memorized each individual surrounding constellation of stars.

Out of all of the memories he had ever made, Felix had pushed most of them away. He buried them so deep that sometimes, he wondered if he would even be able to recall them if he tried.

As for the few worthwhile moments in his life, Felix liked to remember those by the way he felt underneath the moon. Like the night he met Chan, when he looked up at it from District 2 with an overwhelming sense that his life had been forever changed. 

He had been right, of course. All of the moments worth remembering came after Chan.

Like the night he and the others had nearly given up. Exhausted, starving, half alive, until they wandered into District 6 and came across what would come to be the closest thing to a “home” that he had ever known.

That is, until he realized that home could be another person. 

Or seven. 

He would never forget the foreign emotion that washed over him the first night after they found Yellow Wood, when he looked to the moon from the rooftop, surrounded by seven soul mates.

He held onto the small sense of comfort provided to him by the moon because it was always there. When he had nothing else, when he had less than nothing, it was always there. To remind him of the few nights that made it all worth it.

When he looked to it tonight, Felix felt like an entirely different person. Maybe he was different. Almost as if he had discovered a newfound sense of purpose, with your arms wrapped tightly around him like your life depended on it.

Were you afraid?

Maybe he should slow down.

It’s not like your father's guards would have any chance to catch up to them tonight, anyway. If all had gone to plan, before the others had caught fire to the ground windows of the palace using Jeongin's homemade "thunder bombs", as he called them, they would have gone to slit the tires of your fathers military vehicles. At least, as many as they could without drawing attention.

A "distraction" Chan had called it.

Felix thought his own personal addition to the plan was more along the lines of genius, actually. Chan was an excellent leader. Righteous, honest, and hard-headed in all the best ways. Near faultless, if it weren't for his tendency to let his ambition get the best of him. He wasn’t careless by any means, just needed to slow down sometimes.

Felix gradually released his death grip on the throttle.

He expected you to loosen your own grip around him at the slight decrease in speed, but to his surprise, you only held him tighter. Your hands linked firmly at his waist. 

Felix didn't understand you.

You had been born with everything anyone could ever need. An endless supply of food (that probably tasted good), a warm place to sleep, water to drink and to bathe in, all underneath the promise of guaranteed safety. A luxury that only a handful of people in the entire world would ever come to know.

And yet, you had willingly chosen to leave it all behind. 

Sure, Felix may have risked his own life to follow Chan and the others into the fight against your father, but he had nothing to lose. 

If he had been born in your place, he didn't know if he would have made the same choice. Chan would've. Without a doubt. And he liked to think that he would too, but for what? The mere chance to repair a broken society made entirely of people that you didn't even know? Most of whom didn't even deserve it, as far as he was concerned. 

Not everyone was as good-natured as Jeongin or as loyal as Changbin. Not everyone had as much to offer as Minho, who was beyond skilled in his knowledge of healing. 

Felix envied them, and he couldn't help but wonder if you would think he deserved it if you knew the things he had done in his life. The choices he had been forced to make. Where he went sometimes, while the others were asleep. Where he went last night. Before he returned to the tavern with bloody knuckles. 

He wondered if you would ever kiss him again the way you did before, if you knew. If you would ever say his name again, or the nickname you had so casually thrown out moments earlier, when you were agreeing to put your life in their hands. 

In his hands.

No. 

He couldn't do this right now. He needed to focus.

And so, just as easily as you had slipped your way back into his head, Felix forced you out. Something he had been doing a lot of, lately.

More than he cared to admit.

Instead, he allowed his thoughts to drift to the only other thing on his mind. A conversation that had taken place earlier this morning upon his return to Yellow Wood after dropping you off outside the palace gates.

Underneath the rising sun, after throwing the tarp back over his bike and refilling it with fuel from their quickly depleting supply, Felix had reluctantly made his way toward the front of the building. He was already dreading the discussion that Chan had promised him before he left with you. Although, when he pushed open the front doors, he was surprised to find someone else waiting for him there instead. 

“I thought you were Chan.” He muttered, as Hyunjin looked up at him from where he sat at the foot of the staircase that split the room down the middle. It resembled the staircase in the grand hall of the palace, where they had hung the banners the night of the raid. Except, like everything else beyond District 9, Yellow Wood was nothing more than a skeleton of what it had once been. Frail, decaying, and worn down from hundreds of years worth of neglect.  

Hyunjin didn't reply. He only glared with the same piercing intensity as earlier tonight, when Felix had been standing next to you. 

Alright, then.

If Hyunjin didn't want to talk about whatever was obviously bothering him then that was fine with Felix. He hadn't been in the mood for one difficult conversation in the first place, let alone two. Not to mention the fact that he was exhausted and only just now starting to notice the throbbing sensation in his face where the bruises lie. 

Felix took a few steps into the main floor where he would (hopefully) be able to find one of Jisung's stashed liquor bottles and avoid Chan for the rest of the night.

“He's upstairs, on the rooftop I think."

Hyunjin dared to break the silence, and although Felix wasn't facing him anymore, he could still feel where his eyes bore into the side of his head.

“Great.”

He should have known Chan would be waiting for him there. All the more reason for Felix to stay down here. 

He took a few more steps but it didn't deter the older boy from speaking again behind him.

“You’re fill of shit if you think she's on our side."  

There it was.

Hyunjin had never been very good at hiding the things that bothered him. At least, not from Felix. 

Never from Felix. 

And of course it was about you. He should have known. 

Felix reluctantly turned around when he heard Hyunjin step down from the staircase behind him. He should have ignored him. He knew how Hyunjin could be, he wanted to get a rise out of him.

He shouldn't have responded, but like always, Felix was unable to resist.

"It doesn't matter if she is or not. You saw the journal. We don't have a choice." 

"I saw the way she looks at you. The way you look at her. It matters." Hyunjin spit out each individual word as if it offended him personally.

Felix closed his eyes, tilting his head. Did he really just hear that right? 

The way you look at him?

The way he looks at you? 

"I don't know what you're talking abou-"

"-Please," Hyunjin scoffed. "That might work on Chan but you can't pull that shit with me. She'll never be one of us. Its in her blood, Felix. Just remember that. Remember what we all agreed on, before you get too attached."

Hyunjin always knew what Felix was thinking. Even before Felix knew what he was thinking, he always knew. And now, he was only repeating what Felix’s own mind wouldn't let him forget. The same thought that had been replaying over and over again in his head since he saw that damn family crest around your neck. He was well aware that you would never be one of them. He didn't need the reminder. 

Even if he did, he didn't want it.

Hyunjin shifted. He crossed his arms over his chest and then, he added something that made Felix's blood boil.

"Minho says we might as well get rid of her the second we get into Miroh." 

He raised a taunting eyebrow as the words fell from his lips, a hint of amusement in his voice. Hyunjin leaned against the bannister of the staircase, cloaked beneath golden light that perfectly matched his golden hair as it fell in through the windows above. To anyone else, he would have looked incredibly intimidating. 

But not to Felix. 

Never to Felix.

"Fine by me," he snapped. 

"You don't look at her like it would be fine by you." The smirk that had been playing at the corners of Hyunjin's mouth finally made its way across his lips. As if he had caught Felix in some sort of lie.

With no desire to entertain him any further, Felix turned on his heels to leave the older boy alone once again.

So what if it wasn't really "fine by him". What was it of any concern to Hyunjin, the thoughts that ran through his head. 

So what if he wanted to find Minho right this second and strangle him for his words. Even if he wasn't quite sure why.

So what if he liked the way you looked at him, with your pretty eyes and your lips swollen and parted after he'd kissed you. So what if he wanted to know how you looked with your lips wrapped around his cock instead.

Felix wasn't like Jisung, who could charm his way into convincing whatever semi-interested human being he stumbled across in god knows where to fuck him. Not that it mattered. Felix didn't care to do those things. Or at least he hadn't cared to do those things..until you.

But you were beyond stunning, anyone could see that. Even Hyunjin, who’s own eyes had lingered a little longer than they should have on your figure tonight.

And Felix was human too, wasn't he? Even if just barely.

But for whatever reason, Hyunjin appeared to be under the impression that there was something more in the way Felix looked at you. As if he would actually care if something happened to you. As if he would grieve anything other than your pretty eyes and the way they looked at him. 

You don't look at her like it would be fine by you.

Somehow, Hyunjin always knew.

You clung to Felix as the bike raced over hills, across open fields, and through dirt roads when he had no choice but to take you down them. Crippling guilt began to consume your thoughts at the realization that soon, everything in your sight would be up in flames because of you. Your father would literally burn down every single obstacle that stood in his way of finding you because you were the only other person alive who had access to whatever lie beneath the earth in District 2. And if you were being honest, it hadn’t really occurred to you until this very moment that there might not be a world left for you to save after he was through with it.

You strengthened your hold on Felix when the bike slowed, afraid of what would happen once it stopped. Terrified for this moment to end because once it did, you would be forced to come to terms with the permanence of the decision you had made tonight, and what it meant for not only your future, but the future of every innocent person that you passed by, sleeping soundly without any idea that a war had just begun.

You buried your face in Felix's back as the wind whipped through your hair, squeezing your eyes shut when you sensed the cover of trees above you. You felt the bike incline and when it leveled at the top of the hill, you opened them. Breathing a sigh of relief as Yellow Wood came into view. At least the part of you that feared you might not even make it this far could relax now.

Felix slowed the bike again, coming to a stop around the side of the building. You lifted your head from his back, unlocking your fingers from around his waist despite how badly you wanted to keep them there.

But reality couldn’t be avoided forever.

You had found that out far too long ago. 

You stretched as he threw the tarp over the bike and then, to your surprise, he left your side without a word. Heading toward front of the building. 

“Shouldn’t we wait for the others?”

“They won’t be far behind.” He answered without looking back, and after brief consideration, you settled on following him inside. Partly because the surrounding forest had become far more intimidating at the thought of facing it alone. But that wasn't the only reason.

"I know its not what you're used to," Felix spoke over his shoulder as he pushed the doors open. And he was right, stepping across the border into Yellow Wood was like throwing yourself into another world. It was so unlike the palace that was always buzzing with activity, which was ironic considering the number of lives that had ended just outside the front doors.

The area inside was massive, with a ceiling that stretched up to the heavens. Silver moonlight fell through ornate windows above, cloudy with time. The atmosphere was thick with dust and the floor was covered in leaves and muddy footprints. Dirty, but obviously frequented.

The surrounding space was empty, save for a few stray belongings here and there. A tattered backpack, a water canteen that lie empty on its side, a worn out pair of shoes, things that someone from District 9 wouldn’t consider to be of any value at all.

Things that just might mean the difference between life and death to someone out here, which you had a feeling you would soon come to find out for yourself.

You increased your pace, having fallen behind while taking it all in. Each step you took echoed throughout the hollow room, and when Felix spoke, his voice did the same.

“We usually sleep upstairs, except for Minho who's pretty much claimed the main floor as his because he hates heights…and sometimes Jisung who just likes to be wherever Minho is.”

It came as a bit of a shock to you that Minho could be afraid of anything at all, considering the bone-chilling glare he had given you last night. It was even more surprising that Jisung, who had been so welcoming, with such a warm presence, could have anything in common with Minho and his icy aura.

Body still buzzing with adrenaline, you shoved your hands into the pockets of your jacket, hoping Felix wouldn't notice them shake. You stayed close as he made his way over to a large staircase in the middle of the room. It reminded you of the staircase in the grand hall, and the magnitude of everything that had happened tonight began to creep its way back into your mind.

It felt like you shouldn't have been here, probably because you didn't belong here. You were an outsider. They referred to the decrepit space around you as their home while you had spent the entirety of your life sleeping on feather pillows and satin sheets. 

Still, all things considered, it had taken a lot less convincing than you thought it would to get from your feather pillows to this point.

Although Felix had made sure to remind you of his reluctance to trust you at every single chance he got (when his lips weren’t preoccupied by yours) he also hadn't hesitated to bring you to meet Chan the very next day after you had shared your first real conversation with him.

And Chan had been more than willing to let you in on their biggest secrets, Miroh and your father's journal, just moments after he’d learned your name. Almost as though he'd had his mind made up about you before he ever even knew about the blood requirement.

Realistically, it had almost been a little too easy to get to where you stood now. You were good with your words, you'd put everything you had into explaining yourself to them, but nobody was that convincing.

It was evident that they'd made allies inside the palace before, but you were quite literally the offspring of the man that had sculpted this world into his own personal hell. With a little help from the generations of your bloodline before him. Which meant that they should have been a least a little bit more hesitant, right? And although Felix had very clearly expressed his apprehension with words, when you really thought about it, his actions said otherwise. He had actually been putting trust in you from the very beginning, you had just been too caught up in everything to realize it. 

So then, why?

Why had it been so easy to convince them?

Why hadn't they questioned you further?

"Why were they so quick to let me in?"

Every muscle in your body froze when a voice shattered the silence.

Your voice.

Had you just said that out loud? 

You winced, blaming the absolute mess of disordered thoughts in your head for allowing the words to slip right out past your lips. Eyes trained forward, you hoped that maybe the thoughts in Felix's own head were so loud that he hadn't even heard you.

As if you would ever be so lucky.

"What do you not understand about the fact that they didn't have a choice?" His tone was stern and the small glimpse of tenderness that he had shown you earlier tonight, when he wiped the tear from your cheek, was long gone.

He stepped up onto the landing at the top of the stairs, taking a sharp turn down the hallway with you still following behind, a little less closely now.

"When we realized the journal was missing the final pages, it was like we'd just lost a war we would never even get the chance to start. So don't get the wrong idea, princess. Chan didn't want to let you in, but he didn't have a choice. And just because things have worked out until now doesn't mean he trusts you. It doesn't mean they trust you, and it certainly doesn't guarantee that they ever will." 

"Well it didn't take you very long to change your mi-"

What was with you tonight?

You bit your tongue to keep from finishing the sentence, although it was obvious what you were implying.

You shouldn't have said it. You didn't mean to say it, but apparently you weren't in control of filtering your words tonight. Probably because everything in your head was messy and confusing and your feelings for Felix were even messier and more confusing, not to mention the fact that you had been on the verge of mental collapse for not only the past twenty four hours but possibly your entire life...so if you could just find some way to quickly summarize all of that to him then maybe he would be willing to forget the comment you had so carelessly made.

Felix froze immediately upon registering what you'd said, his sudden stop in movement causing you to stumble into his back. You opened your mouth to speak but when he turned around, you realized it wouldn't have mattered if you had been given all the time in the world to explain yourself. 

Like flipping a switch, the familiar darkness returned to his eyes.

You backed up until your shoulder blades hit the wall behind you, causing you to jump. 

"Did you not hear anything I said before?" He took a few steps closer, inviting himself into your personal space once again. "What makes you think I've changed my mind about you?" 

Oh, I dont know. The fact that you can't seem to keep your tongue out of my mouth?

"I..I just thought-"

You swallowed.

His eyes narrowed.

And you lost your ability to speak all over again.

Even if you had meant to say it, would it really have been so wrong to entertain the idea that he might have changed his mind about you? 

After all, every time you'd kissed, he had been the one to initiate it. When he came to collect the supplies tonight, you may have been the one to pull him into your arms, but he embraced you back. Whenever he called you princess, the nickname rolled off of his tongue like honey. 

Felix was the king of sending mixed signals and you had half a mind to call him out for it, if you could just focus long enough to form a coherent sentence. But as always, for reasons you still couldn't quite understand, you lost all composure when it came to the freckled boy standing in front of you now.

Felix brought his hands up to rest against the wall on either side of you, closing you in.

You traced his freckles with your eyes, counting them to distract yourself from the thoughts that ran through your head and the throbbing sensation between your legs when his breath fell hot against your lips. 

Felix was decent at making himself appear threatening when he wanted to. You should have been intimidated, but unfortunately for him, it had quite the opposite effect on you. The false sense of danger was incredibly enticing, arousing even, because you knew, or at least you thought you did in that moment, that he would never actually hurt you. 

If only you could just stay in control and refrain from thinking with your pussy for five fucking seconds, something that had been proven to be nearly impossible whenever you were alone with him. Especially when you could literally see it in his eyes that his own desires were just as corrupt as yours.

Felix leaned down, allowing his lips to brush against yours agonizingly slow before pulling back to speak.

"What makes you think I'm not just using you like the rest of them? What makes you think I won’t turn on you in a second if I have to, to protect what’s mine?" 

Mine. 

He drew out the last word, voice coarse and low and thick with that damned accent, and suddenly you had never needed anything quite as badly as you needed to become something that Felix considered "his".

No. You needed him to make you his, in every possible way.

Screw holding back. Why couldn’t you be the one to send a few mixed signals yourself? Its not like your relationship with him was ever very stable to begin with. It's not like your mental status ever had much of a chance at surviving any of this either.

You brought a hand up to push a stray piece of long black hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear. It was soft and had grown quickly, even longer now than the first time you met not so long ago. The hand you used to push back the loose strand became tangled in the locks at the back of his neck. You tugged because you knew he liked it, pleased when the action earned a deep grunt from somewhere within his chest.

If you couldn't keep yourself in control tonight then you would at least be the one to decide how you lost it. 

You pulled at his hair until he hissed at the pain, and then you leaned in. Glancing up at him through hooded eyes, you spoke, barely above a whisper.

“You’re obviously torn. Let me help you.” 

And before he had the chance to respond, it was you who moved to close the space between your lips.

For the first time, it was you. 

You grabbed his wrists, pulling them down and shifting your bodies so that you were now the one pinning him against the wall. You put all of your frustration into the kiss. Frustration over his confusing mixed signals and his perfect fucking lips and the fact that you just couldn't shake the feeling that he and the others had secrets that you didn't even begin to understand.

The others.

Right.

"Felix-"

You broke the kiss to remind him of their impending arrival, but he only took your momentary distraction as an opportunity to take hold of your waist and push you back against the wall, reclaiming control.

Felix was well aware that they could be here at any second. 

He just didn’t care. 

He pulled you back into a deliberate kiss, pressing himself up against you once again. The obvious bulge in his pants becoming harder to ignore.

“Say it again. My name princess.” He growled against your lips, and suddenly, the others were so far gone from your mind that you couldn't even remember their names.

In your head there was only one name and you made sure to draw out every single syllable when you said it for a second time.

“Maybe you don’t trust me, Felix. But I think you want to. More than you’d like to admit.”

And with that, you abandoned all restraint, allowing your needy hands to fall down to his belt. You let out a frustrated sigh into his mouth, fiddling with the clasp that was unlike anything you had ever come across on the clothing worn in the palace. Felix reached down to help, ensuring that your lips stayed connected the entire time.

As soon as the clasp was released and his zipper was undone, you slipped a hand down the front of his jeans to palm his rock hard length. He breathed out a low, guttural moan into your mouth that had you pressing your thighs together, absolutely aching for him.

Every rational thought that popped into your head was consumed by the overwhelming need to have him inside of you right now. And you would have gotten everything you wanted and more, if it weren't for the sound of footsteps, voices, and two very heavy doors closing downstairs.

“Fuck,” he growled.

You couldn't have said it better yourself, seeing as this was now the second time you had been so cruelly interrupted. Although this time, you were remarkably more flustered than the last. Like embarrassingly so. The wet spot in your panties having soaked through the thin material long before your lips had even touched.

Felix drew back as the others entered the building below. A thin line of saliva connected your lips and you let out a defeated sigh.

The throbbing emptiness between your legs would have to wait. 

Again.

Panting heavily, Felix pressed his sweaty forehead against your own. It had taken every single fiber in his being to keep from touching you again, when all he could think about was bending you over and fucking you right there against the wall until you cried pretty tears of pleasure from your pretty eyes.

His cock was painfully hard, but he didn't have any choice but to ignore it. Nobody could know about the two of you. At least, not until he figured out exactly what it was between you.

And besides, he wasn't going to give Hyunjin the satisfaction.

The voices downstairs grew louder with every passing moment. Time was slipping away, despite the fact that Felix would have given his absolutely anything to make it stop. He wasn't greedy. He just needed a few more minutes with you all to himself. To feel you around him, just once.

As if he would ever be so lucky.

“You’re right,” he leaned down to kiss you again, softer this time.

When he pulled back you followed his lips with your own, letting out a soft wine in protest.

“You’re right and I think-” 

He placed another delicate kiss to your lips between words. 

“-you’ll be the death of me princess.” 

One last kiss, one last touch of his forehead to yours with closed eyes before he turned and made his way toward the staircase, fixing his belt as he went. 

Felix didn't wait for you and he didn’t look back. Leaving you alone in the company of the shadows to contemplate once again, the severity of the situation you had gotten yourself into, as his words echoed throughout your head.

You’ll be the death of me, princess.

Adrenaline filled the room with electricity as the boys piled in downstairs, relishing in the night's success. You, on the other hand, were much more hesitant to let your guard down. More than a little paranoid that your father would come crashing through the doors any moment to rip you from your newfound freedom. Nevertheless, their energy did help to calm your nerves some as it was obvious that they trusted you were safe for the night.

That or they were just really, really good at keeping calm in life or death situations....After all, at the end of the day, they were still just a misfit group of eight boys your age. Something that was easy to forget, all things considered.

All eyes were on you when you appeared at the top of the staircase, except for Felix, who had his back turned to you at the bottom. When your feet hit the main floor, Chan hurried over and put an arm around you. The sudden contact caused you to stiffen, but it didn't take long for you to relax into his touch. 

"We did it, y/n."

We did it.

We.

Screw Felix and his earlier warning.

It doesn't mean they trust you, and it certainly doesn't guarantee that they ever will.

Screw your own paranoid thoughts for making you doubt their intention, for doubting Chan, even if it was only for a moment.

It was going to take some time to get used to the fact that you were no longer the prisoner of a life built upon your father's lies. Maybe there didn't have to be some ulterior motive behind it all this time.

It seemed as though Chan already thought of you as one of their own, and Jisung too, judging by the radiant smile plastered across his face when he looked your way. The butterflies in your stomach returned at full force and you shied away from meeting his eyes.

Unable to help yourself, you shot a quick glance across the room to where Felix was now engrossed in a hushed conversation with Hyunjin, ignoring you completely, as if you didn't have your hands down the front of his pants less than three minutes ago.

As if you wouldn't have been able to turn him into a mess underneath your touch all over again if everyone else were to suddenly disappear.

You huffed, turning back to Chan and the others. 

Once the boys had brought the majority of the supplies inside, where they would keep them until you left for Miroh, you stuck to Chan's side as the group made their way out to the backyard where Minho and Changbin were working to start a small fire. It was dim, just enough to keep warm without drawing attention. 

Minho looked up when you came around the corner, the sharp features of his face outlined by the gentle flames below it.

"Are you really sure we should be out here right now?" You lowered your voice just enough so that only Chan could hear you in the midst of the excitement. 

He looked to you with a reassuring smile.

"We're safe here, at least for the night. Felix probably told you this already, but the others were able to take out a good majority of your fathers vehicles." 

No actually, he was a bit too preoccupied earlier to mention it.

"-And besides," he added, "would you be able to sleep right now?"

He had a point.

You nodded but your apprehension lingered.

When you turned your attention back to the group, Jeongin had been summoned to keep first watch on the roof. Despite his best protests, he gave in eventually, sulking his way back toward the front of the building. His youthful demeanor was endearing, although you were sure there was much more to him underneath the surface.

He wouldn't have made it this far if there wasn't.

Changbin announced to the group that he was going to collect more firewood and Felix wasted no time in volunteering himself to join. You watched intently as they disappeared into the trees. 

The rest of the boys took their respective places around the fire, aside from Jisung who had stayed inside the building earlier, insisting that he would be out to join the rest of the group later.

At your feet, Chan was shifting through a sizable bag that you had filled to the brim with food from the palace kitchens. Food collected by Jisoo, who had watched you willingly leave the palace tonight. Jisoo who, by now, would have been summoned to your fathers study to reveal every single detail of what she had witnessed. And she would have complied, if she wanted her family to survive the night.

If your father had been in your position, Jisoo would have been dead the second she wandered out of the tunnels and caught sight of you with the boys. You hated yourself for questioning if it was the right decision to leave her behind. You hated yourself even more when it crossed your mind for the smallest fraction of a second that maybe you should learn to be more like your father if you were going to have any chance at surviving out here.

You bit down on your lip to suppress the sudden influx of emotion at the thought of your former best (and only) friend, and the betrayal she must have felt watching you leave tonight.

You shifted on your feet, observing as Chan pulled a boiled sweet potato from the bag.

"Why is it orange.." He muttered underneath his breath after peeling the skin back, and his puzzled expression caused a weak smile to pull at the corners of your mouth.

"It's a-"

"-sweet potato."

You were immediately taken aback when none other than Minho chimed in from his own place next to Chan in an attempt to finish your sentence for you, the two of you speaking the final word in unison. Your eyebrows knitted together and you squinted through the darkness to study his face as his eyes remained trained on the flames.

Chan looked between the two of you and shrugged, reaching into the bag for more. He took out handfuls of food and passed it around to each of the boys. They tore into it and your heart sank at the realization that it had probably been longer than you'd thought since they had eaten last. He looked up and held some out to you but you declined, shaking your head.

Its not that you weren't hungry, your stomach was actively protesting with your brain to accept the food, it just felt wrong to take any for yourself when they were eating like they hadn't in years and you'd had an endless supply your entire life.

Eventually you would have to get over it, but you could go one night without.

You stood for a moment longer, ultimately deciding on settling down next to Seungmin who was fiddling with the bow and arrow that you'd managed to secure from the training room tonight.

"I might be shit with a gun, but this I can work with." He spoke without looking up as you took your place next to him on the grass.

"Then its yours." You assured him.

Seungmin seemed friendly enough and you liked that he was relatively quiet. He also happened to be on the opposite side of the circle from Minho, who you now had a clear view of across the flames. You examined him, unable to help but notice that the way he held himself didn't quite match the others.

That his posture was just slightly straighter.

How he held his head just a little bit higher.

It was peculiar, like his interruption earlier, but you brushed it off.

Hyunjin had isolated himself in the grass a bit further from the group, with his light brown locks tucked behind his ears, bangs falling down in his eyes, while he scribbled something down into a worn out journal of his own. It looked like a sketch, although it was difficult to discern through the darkness.

You stretched your hands out toward the flames. Closing your eyes, you listened as the boys talked in between themselves, ignoring the fact that the one voice you really wanted to hear was missing. 

Shortly after everyone had made themselves comfortable, just as you were beginning to feel yourself slip into that limbo between consciousness and sleep, the sound of glass clinking together caused your eyes to snap open again.

You were met with the sight of Jisung as he came strolling in from around the corner with three shiny bottles in his arms. He jogged over and plopped down on your other side, lightly brushing your shoulder with his own as he tossed a bottle to Chan over the fire. He reached across you to hand another to Seungmin, keeping the last one for himself. The two tapped the bottles together before Jisung popped the top and took a swig. His face contorted and he bared his teeth as he swallowed. After taking another sip, he turned and offered the bottle to you, raising the eyebrow with the metal piercing

"Told you I'd save one for you. It'll make you feel better, promise." He flashed you another bright smile and you wondered if the pretty boy in front of you had ever heard the word "no" in his entire life.

He certainly wasn't going to hear it from you.

You wrapped your hand around the bottle and put it to your lips. 

The liquor was nothing like the wine served in the palace. It burned as it made its way down your throat and you sputtered at the sensation, which made Jisung burst into a laugh. It was hearty and sincere, and it took a moment for you to realized that you had actually laughed with him. A sound so unfamiliar it was as if it had come from a stranger.

You took another sip.

The seconds turned to minutes. Five, ten, fifteen, until it became too difficult to keep track of time any longer. The liquor began to cloud your senses and you welcomed it with open arms. You had never been drunk before, you weren't even sure if you were drunk now, but whatever it was felt fucking amazing as your worries slipped further away with every sip.

Chan was immersed in conversation with Minho across the fire, Hyunjin had yet to lift his head from the drawing he was so intently focused on, and Seungmin lay against the ground with his eyes closed, humming out a wistful melody in perfect pitch.

Meanwhile, you and Jisung had passed the bottle back and forth so many times you'd lost count. With sparkling eyes and animated hand gestures, he was excitedly telling you about the night that they had found Yellow Wood nearly five years ago. You nodded along, despite the fact that although you did have genuine interest in the story (and his appearance), you weren't really listening at all.

Your focus was entirely lost to the the tree line behind him. 

Just as he handed the liquor out to you again, two shadowy figures stepped out from the trees into the clearing. You brought the bottle to your lips, eyes locked on their every move over the top.

On his every move.

Felix scanned the group and when his eyes landed on yours, the buzz in your head caused a few drops to slip out onto your chin. You coughed, handing the bottle to Jisung who, without warning, covered his hand with his sleeve and brought it up to wipe the alcohol from your chin. Your eyes widened but Jisung was oblivious as he took the bottle back, chiming in to whatever Chan was saying across the fire. 

When you looked back to Felix, he had stopped moving. Frozen in time, with his jaw tightly clenched and his hand crumpled into a fist at his side. Changbin called out to him from the spot he had taken next to Chan, and the others fell silent one by one, as Felix stared daggers at Jisung. After his name was repeated for a third time, Felix marched over to join the others. His movement was stiff and you kept his fiery gaze in your peripherals, unable to ignore when it shifted to you. 

Chan cleared his throat and resumed the conversation quickly, which was probably a good thing because Felix wasn't being subtle at all. 

The liquor made your head spin. 

Felix made your head spin. 

You took another sip. 

"-And we couldn't have done it without you, y/n." Chan's voice cut through your thoughts at the mention of your name.

"What you risked tonight doesn't go unnoticed. Make yourself comfortable here before we leave for Miroh. I think we'll take tomorrow to come up with some kind of plan which we'll need your help with. You know better than any of us the routes we'll need to take to have the best chance at avoiding your father out there."

A few of the others nodded in agreement and you couldn't deny that it felt good to be included by Chan as if you were one of their own, even if you knew that he wasn't speaking for everyone. Even if the mention of your father brought you back to feeling powerless for a moment, it was a brief moment, thanks to the multitude of distractions that surrounded you.

"Whats ours is yours. Thank you." 

Chan finished by lifting a bottle in your direction and Jisung let out an exaggerated applause. Seungmin reached behind you to give him a playful smack on the back of the head, which Changbin seemed to enjoy. Minho remained stoic, Hyunjin had yet to look up from his journal, and Felix. 

Felix, Felix, Felix.

Brown eyes had always been your favorite and his were stunning, even more so with the flames reflected in them. They didn't leave you for a second, not even when he snatched the bottle from Chan and gulped down the alcohol like it was water.

His lips glistened when he pulled it away and you shifted position in an attempt to feel any small ounce of friction between your legs. The tension between the two of you was nothing less than palpable at this point, and you knew for a fact that the others could feel it too.

But you didn't care.

You could only think of how badly you wanted to be alone with him again, even just for a little while.

As long as it was without any interruptions.

Your attention was ripped from Felix when Jisung offered you the last sip in your shared bottle. You were preparing to decline due to the strong suspicion that you were already going to have a headache in the morning, but before you got the chance, Jeongin reappeared from around the building. He waltzed over to Jisung and reached for the bottle.

A frown quickly spread across his lips when he realized it was nearly empty. 

"I told you to save me some!" He whined out through a pout.

"Don't blame me, District nine over here can drink!"Jisung pointed to where you sat behind him and you shoved his shoulder.

The intensity from Felix magnified tenfold when you your hands fell against Jisung, and you briefly considered touching him again. 

Just to see.

"I like her." Seungmin chimed in from behind you and pulled a face at Jisung, smirking and raising your own eyebrow.

After coming to the conclusion that neither Jisung nor Seungmin were in any state to keep watch, Jeongin turned to survey the other half of the group. 

"Feeelix," a wide grin spread across his face and your ears perked up at the name.

Felix stood abruptly. Tossing Chan's now empty liquor bottle to the ground, he pushed past the younger boy without speaking a word.

“Was it something I said?” Jeongin looked to the rest of the group and Jisung shrugged as he got up to go relieve himself in the woods. Seungmin lay back down against the ground with a thud, groaning as he rubbed his head. 

“You shouldgo,” he slurred out, looking up at you from his place on the grass.

“Wha-” You turned to face him, realizing that your eyes hadn't left the spot where Felix had disappeared around the building. 

He nudged his head in the same direction.

“The view from the roof is craaazy at night.”

“Y-yeah but I don-“

“-y/n just go. I know you want to. I won’t tell.” He put a finger to his lips and gestured around the circle to the others who at this point, were either passed out or far too intoxicated to notice your absence. Even Jeongin had made himself quite comfortable using Seungmin's thigh as a pillow, eyelids growing heavier with every passing second.

With another reassuring nod from Seungmin, you stood. The full effects of the alcohol that you had ingested hit you at full force when you began to move.

Had you chosen to remain outside, you were certain that you would have fallen asleep eventually underneath the stars, surrounded by the boys who offered you some small sense of security, even if they hadn't fully accepted you. And yet, here you were chasing after Felix like a lost puppy. With the worst part being that, as much as you would have liked to pretend that your intentions were purely innocent, that you only wanted to check up on the freckled boy and nothing more, it would have been impossible to deny that you knew exactly what you were doing.

Making sure to keep your distance, you trailed behind Felix around to the front of the building where he disappeared inside. You slipped through the front doors just in time to watch him turn the corner upstairs. The room spinned and you had to grab onto the bannister of the staircase as you stumbled up it, abandoning any attempt at staying quiet.

Immediately upon turning the corner at the top of the stairs you, let out a small yelp when you were encompassed by a pair of strong arms from behind. In one swift movement, they pulled you in until your back made contact with a toned chest, and you were unable to help the faint smile that spread across your lips when you felt his heartbeat thud against your back.

Jisung was right. You did feel better. Although you were sure the alcohol was no longer to thank. 

Felix turned you around in his arms and you could smell the alcohol on his breath when he reached down for your hand. He took it without a word, guiding you in the direction of a dark hallway lined by closed doors.

At the end of the hallway, he turned and led you through one final door into a large open space. The ceiling was higher here, and in some spots it was so eroded that you could see straight through it to the floor above. The surrounding space looked like it had been designed as multiple separate rooms, although the walls between them had since been knocked down. You recalled the word "hotel" in faded writing above the front doors. Having no idea what it meant, your curiosity surrounding Yellow Wood and its original purpose grew.

You wondered how long it had been here and who had lived in it before the boys, hundreds of years ago, when it looked how it was supposed to look. 

Broken windows decorated the outer wall but you didn't mind when the cool breeze hit your face, flushed from exhaustion and the alcohol and your close proximity to Felix. The air tasted sweet, and like Seungmin's melody, it made you nostalgic for a life you never had. 

You hoped the people who lived here before were able to have that sort of life.

Felix dragged you across the moonlit space, your hands still clasped together. 

"I'm surprised Jisung let you leave.." He mumbled out underneath his breath, and you wondered if he'd actually meant for you to hear him.

Either way, jealousy looked good on Felix. 

You came to a halt, tugging on his hand, unable to help the giggle that escaped you when he turned around. The alcohol in your veins gave you the courage to lift your head and plant a kiss directly on his lips, wiping off the scowl.

"I saw the way you looked at him,"  you smiled against his lips as you spoke.

"Its not that..he's just..I just..fuck come on. I'm supposed to be keeping watch." His tone was serious, but just as he pulled away you caught him try to hide the faintest hint of a smile.

Jealousy looked good on Felix, but whatever that was, it looked better.

He led you to an open space on the outer wall where he pulled back a curtain to reveal a balcony made entirely of wooden planks.

Wooden planks that appeared..less than stable.

"There," he nudged his head in the direction across the balcony where you observed a rickety iron ladder. It scaled the side of the building, leading up to the roof.

Felix took a step out onto the balcony and you hesitantly followed his lead, freezing when you peered down over the edge that also happened to be missing a railing.

"It's alright. I've got you." He tightened his grip on your hand and you were able to tear your eyes from the seemingly endless darkness below.

The gentle tone in his voice was a stark contrast from what you were used to receiving from not only him, but everyone else in your life. His attitude was also much more relaxed than you'd ever seen it and you were certain that the alcohol (and the fact that you were no longer sitting next to Jisung) was to thank. 

With a little help from Felix, you steadied yourself on the ladder, which was considerably more difficult than it should've been due to the spinning sensation in your head, but you managed to climb to the top. You pulled yourself over the edge of the short wall that lined the perimeter of the rooftop, and when you looked up from dusting off your pants, your jaw dropped.

Even through the shadows, the rooftop was its own kind of beautiful. You had never seen anything quite like it. Thick vines and foliage weaved throughout rubble on the ground, reaching all the way up into wooden beams that covered the spaced above. It resembled a hidden fortress that you had a feeling was even more enchanting during the daytime.

You recognized the black hoodie that belonged to Felix thrown on top of a small pile of blankets in the corner.

Did he sleep here often?

Had he ever thought of you while he lie there, like you thought of him when you struggled to fall asleep in your own bed at the palace?

Get it together, y/n.

You stepped away from his side, making your way over to the short wall at the edge of the rooftop, resting your hands on it and straining your eyes as far as you could see.

Across the vast landscape, muted orange and yellow light from lanterns vaguely outlined buildings in Districts 7 and 8. Taller buildings stood even further beyond, in what you could only assume to be District 9. Behind you, an ocean of darkness extended into nothing toward the outer districts. 

You shuddered at the thought, before taking it all in for a second time, until you came across something in the distance that you hadn't noticed the before.

A thick cloud of smoke, rising up from a faint dot on the horizon.

The sight of it, the realization at what it represented, was more than sobering. 

You turned and slid your back down the wall until you reached the pile of blankets at the bottom, hugging your knees while your heart raced. 

Felix crouched down next to you with his own back against the wall.

He looked up to the moon and it illuminated his features beautifully. He was beautiful. Beautiful enough to distract you from the nauseating surge of emotions that had fallen over you at the sight of your father's palace. Far more beautiful than anything in the sky above, so you turned to rest your head against the wall, choosing to look at him instead. 

He did the same, and when your eyes met, you knew without question that the sight of him there would be embedded permanently in your mind until the moment you died. 

Something you had a feeling you would come to be incredibly thankful for, some day.

After a moment, his expression altered slightly. Almost as if he was fighting something within himself. And you were too, although it didn't take long at all for you to give in tonight. Allowing yourself to succumb to whatever it was that had been pulling you together from the moment you met.

Before you even had time to process what he was doing, Felix reached over and pulled you into his lap. Your knees landed on the hard ground on either side of him and your lips connected instantly. He didn't need words to tell you that he had been waiting for this moment just as badly as you. 

You cushioned his head with your hand when he leaned back against the wall. The kisses deepened to your usual pace and you allowed his tongue entrance to your mouth. His hands found their way to your hips to guide them as you began to move. 

So much for keeping watch. 

His lips fell down to your neck where he began to leave a trail of sloppy wet kisses. You moaned, far louder than you had intended, when he bit down at the sensitive skin. 

"Fuck, Felix-" you struggled to catch your breath, "-you'll leave a mark."

"Don't care. It'll look good on you." He smirked against your skin and you wondered if he thought Jisung would agree. 

You grabbed his hands and brought them up to your breasts where he kneaded at the soft flesh over your clothing as the kisses became more desperate.

A little afraid being interrupted for a third time, you wasted no time in undressing, your actions sloppy due to exhaustion, lust, and the lingering effects of the alcohol, but at this point you were both sober enough to make it more than clear how badly you wanted each other. 

Felix helped you take off your shirt before removing his own and tossing it to the side. You slipped out of your pants while he undid his belt for the second time that night. He shoved his jeans and underwear down to his thighs allowing his cock to spring free. It slapped up against his abdomen, leaving a small trail of pre-cum. You bit down on your lip to stifle another moan at the sight of it.

"Like what you see?" He looked up with an arrogance that you couldn't even be mad at him for, because he had a right to be arrogant.

His nails dug deep crescent shapes into the bare skin at your hips and the silver rings on his fingers made you shiver, losing yourself all over again. When you dropped back down into his lap, his thick length swiped across your folds and you gasped when the head of his cock made contact with your clit.

"Need you," you whimpered out against his lips. And Felix was more than happy to oblige, wasting no time in aligning himself with your entrance. You closed your eyes to prepare for the stretch as the tip of his cock teased at your dripping heat, whining out his name in protest when he hesitated.  

"J-just promise me one thing princess," his breathless words came out heavily muffled by your lips. 

"Anything," you croaked out, burying your face in the side of his neck.

And it was true, in that moment you would have told him absolutely anything he wanted to hear if it meant that you would finally get to feel him inside of you.

"D-don't," he swallowed in an attempt to regain enough composure to speak.

"Don't let me love you." 

You pulled back with your arms still wrapped around his neck, meeting his piercing brown eyes that were already staring back. You glanced up and down his face through the darkness, studying something in his expression that nobody had ever looked at you with before.

Should you have stopped to ask what he meant by it? Probably.

But you had done a spectacular job of numbing your emotions up to this point, and you weren't about to fight that now.

Not when every single aspect of your future was uncertain, including the promise of tomorrow. And selfishly, you needed Felix right now more than you would ever have allowed yourself to admit. To keep your mind from spiraling down into a place that scared you even more than it did to be completely vulnerable with him.

"I promise. Just want to forget, Lix, please." You pleaded, kissing him again. "Please just make me forget."

Felix didn’t have to ask what you meant, because he had been there all too many times in his own life.

He didn't quite understand why, and maybe he never would, but it destroyed him to hear you utter those words in your current defenseless state.

Begging him to make it all disappear.

He would have taken it from you in a heartbeat, if he could have. Every fear caused by every painful memory, every burden that came with the blood that ran through your veins, he would have accepted it all for himself if it meant that he never had to witness an ounce of pain behind your pretty eyes ever again.

But Felix was only human, after all. And if the only thing he could offer was to make you forget, even if just for tonight, then that is exactly what he would do.

Not once in your life had you spent a single night outside the walls of the palace.

Until now.

The smell of fresh air mixed with the gentle breeze against your skin would have been absolutely serene, it weren’t for the splitting headache that kept your eyes squeezed shut. It only seemed to worsen as you recalled what had led to you waking up outside like this.

On the rooftop.

Alone. 

You didn’t need to open your eyes to feel his absence.

You had fallen asleep in only your thin shirt with his warm chest pressed up against your back. His arms wrapped tightly around you as he drew circles on your skin with his fingertips, tracing the faint marks left by those same fingertips just moments before. 

When you had fallen asleep you were warm, protected, safe.

And so was he. 

Most importantly, so was he. 

But now, as you slowly opened your heavy eyelids, you were cold, exposed, alone.

You should have known better, really. 

You'd made it clear that last night was only meant to be a distraction and as far as you could remember, Felix had been in total agreement. Even if there had been a small part of you that hoped to wake up in his arms, which there wasn't, it's not like you'd actually expected to.

At least he’d had the decency to cover you with his jacket before he left. 

You slipped your arms through it and his scent invited you to feel safe again for a moment before coming to your senses.

You reached for the rest of your clothing that had been folded into a neat pile beside you, something you were almost certain you hadn't done yourself before falling asleep last night.

You put your head in your hands, letting out a frustrated groan at your own stupidity as you began to recall the events of last night.

You could still feel where he had placed sloppy, open mouthed kisses on your skin. Where he had put his hands to steady himself while he was roughly fucking into you. And if you lifted your shirt, you were certain that you would have observed faint bruises on the skin underneath that perfectly matched the shape of his fingertips.

After getting dressed, you climbed down the ladder and slipped back inside the building that was much less intimidating underneath the morning light. Less intimidating and more..misunderstood. If you could call a place that.

You found your way back down the hallway and when you turned the corner at the top of the staircase, you caught sight of Chan and Minho near the entrance below, engaged in what appeared to be a fairly heated discussion. Their heads snapped up simultaneously upon your arrival, eyes falling to the jacket that you had forgotten you were still wearing.

Felix's jacket.

Shit.

You shrugged it off when you made your way down the stairs, as if they hadn't already caught sight of you wearing it like a trophy.

Nice, y/n.

When you reached the bottom, Chan hurried over. He glanced down to your neck for a fraction of a second, and you were instantly reminded of how Felix had taken it upon himself to mark you in the same place last night.

Fucking fantastic.

Chan cleared his throat. 

“Have you uh..have you seen Felix this morning?”

“W-what why would I-“ Your shaky voice betrayed you as more particularly intimate details from last night came flooding back.

You reached up to press against your temple in an attempt to calm the pounding headache and regain control of your thoughts.

“No..I haven’t.” You choked out, unable to meet Chans eyes. 

“-I fucking told you he took the bike, it was already gone when I got up this morning.”

Minho stepped up to join Chan beside you. It was the first time you had heard him speak up close and his voice was honey smooth, even when he cursed.

"Jesus." Chan let out a heavy sigh and pinched the scar along the bridge of his nose, a habit of his that you'd picked up on. “Let’s go. We might have a chance to catch up to him if we take the-” 

“-What's going on?” Their heads spun around at your sudden interruption, almost as if they had forgotten you were there at all.

Minho turned back to Chan, ignoring you completely.

“How the hell are we supposed to find him when-"

“-We need to try.” Chan's voice strained and it was becoming more and more difficult to ignore the way that his entire boy was starting to tense.

“Oh well that should be easy enough considering there’s only nine districts. At least there aren’t ten. At least there isn't an entire fucking army looking to put a bullet in each of our heads right now.” 

Minho’s voice was dripping with sarcasm and you might have been able to appreciate it, if it weren't for your growing concern.

“What is going on?” You repeated yourself again, more forcefully, although your confidence was short lived.

Minho snarled. “You mean Felix didn’t willingly offer up his deepest darkest secrets to the daughter of the man that wants us all dead? Or maybe he was just too busy sucking that mark into your neck.”

And then he turned his entire body to stare directly at the spot where your hair was (apparently) doing a very poor job of covering the deep purple bruise. 

You recoiled at the harshness in his voice, reaching a shaky hand up to move your hair.

"Min. Don't." Chan shot him a glare and Minho rolled his eyes.

When Chan looked back to you, his expression softened.

"I'm sure you've figured out by now that none of us have had it easy, y/n. We all have a past that we want to erase, and most of us have for the most part. Felix just...has a tendency to let his catch up to him sometimes."

Minho scoffed. "You could say that. Just be glad you’re not the one patching him up every time it catches up to him-."

"-If you're not coming then I’ll go by myself." Chan cut him off again.

A muscle twitched in Minho's jaw before he turned to follow behind Chan who was now heading for the doors.

With your concern for Felix overpowering your better judgement, you chased after the boys.

When you caught up, Chan turned and put a firm hand on your shoulder.

"No. Y/n. Not this time. I’m sorry."

You knew why he stopped you, and he was right to do it.

It wasn't worth the risk of you being caught by your father for you to accompany them on some heroic side quest to save Felix from whatever danger he appeared to have gotten himself into. But with the events from last night still lingering in your mind, you had entirely forgotten about the current state of the world outside the walls of Yellow Wood. Including the fact that there was now a very expensive price on your head.

"Maybe if I just-"

"Y/n." Chan's voice was commanding but before you could protest any further, the front doors creaked in front of you. All three of you whipped your heads around as they opened to reveal the freckled boy who had left you alone on the rooftop this morning.

Judging by his expression, it was obvious that he hadn't been expecting to come face to face with the three of you staring back.

He looked first to Chan, next to Minho, and then, he let his eyes fall to yours briefly before another interruption arose from behind you. 

"Damn, what’s with the energy in here?" Jisung stepped out into the light from somewhere deeper within the main floor, covering a yawn with his hand.

Felix took the sudden distraction as his chance to slip the rest of the way through the door. Without slowing his pace, he tore his jacket from your hands and climbed swiftly up the stairs with Chan calling after him to no avail.

"You know I think I'm just gonna.." Jisung pointed behind himself with his thumb and took a few steps backward before turning to leave. Minho looked to Chan and the two shared a silent word before he followed after Jisung.

"What the hell is going on?" You repeated yourself for a third time, hoping you might be able to get an actual answer out of Chan now that the two of you were alone.

He looked you up and down, chewing on the inside of his cheek, clearly trying to decide whether or not to include you in on a secret that might not be entirely his to tell.

"Please Chan. I need to know that I made the right choice. I need to know that you trust me."

A little manipulative, maybe, but you were desperate.

After a moment of consideration, he let out a defeated sigh.

"Fine. Just..not here. Come with me."

And then, he took your arm and dragged you through the front doors.

The forest that surrounded Yellow Wood, like the building itself, was far less intimidating when it wasn't distorted by darkness. It felt easier to breathe here, underneath the full trees, and if the circumstances had been different, you might have liked to stay for a while. Forever, maybe.

You walked beside Chan in silence until you came up on a small stream. He sat down at the bank and you did the same, crossing your legs and resting your hands against the earth behind you. Digging your fingers in the dirt, you watched as he visibly struggled to find the words to begin. 

"Like I said, y/n. We all have a past we want to erase. Even Minho, who grew up in District nine if you can believe that. It's how he knows what he does about healing."

What.

Minho and his polished mannerisms, the way he carried himself, it all made sense when you really thought about it.

But it couldn't be.

You had just assumed that all of the boys were from the outer districts and the revelation that Minho was actually from District nine, of all places, brought rise to a thousand more questions. Questions that would have to wait, because you weren’t about to interrupt Chan now.

When he opened his mouth again, you braced yourself as best you could for whatever he was preparing say next.

"Minho has seen some dark shit. But Felix..I don’t even know half of what he's been through. We're both from District two. Felix doesn’t talk much about his life before, but I know enough from the state he was in when I found him. Before we met, he was part of a group of people, if you can call them that, so horrible they would give even your father a run for his money. A different breed of evil. They killed his mother and then they took him and conditioned him to be like them. Its what they do. They take kids from parents who are unable to fight back and they turn them into monsters. They force them to steal for them. To hunt for them. To kill for them. But Felix is good by nature, I know he is and I know you see it too.”

He paused to take in a shaky breath, letting it out as a steady exhale. 

"I knew the moment we met that I had to get him out of there. It’s a long story, but they’re not the kind of people that just let you leave. Even now, whenever they catch up to us again, whenever they find him again, I always know because he starts disappearing. Sometimes he'll be gone for two or three days at a time, and when he finally does come back, he looks like shit. Usually covered in bruises, and theres nothing I can do. I don't even know what he does when he's with them but I know its them. He won't talk to me about it, no matter how much I try to convince him that he's safe with us and that he doesn’t have to go keep going back. But they’ve got their claws buried so deep in him that he just won’t listen, even after all this time."

He turned around to face you.

“He wont listen to me but I thought..maybe..he might listen to you."

“Wh-Why would you think he would listen to me?" You choked out.

His eyes fell briefly to your neck before dropping to the ground where he picked up a small stone and began to fidget with it between his fingers. 

"The first thing to know about Felix is that he doesn’t let people in. It took years for him to accept me and the others the way he does now. I know for a fact that if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t be involved in any of this. The raid, Miroh, going up against your father, but he puts himself right in the middle of it all because he is so damn loyal. And that's the second thing to know about Felix. Once you do earn his trust, you will have it until the day you die. He will do anything for you."

You nodded, encouraging him to continue seeing as he still hadn't answered your question.

"The third thing about Felix..is that I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. Never. Not anyone. He’s been through a lot, y/n. I worry about him. I care about him, and thats why I’m telling you this. Because..I think you do too.”

To say that you were speechless would have been an understatement.

You gave him a weak, reassuring smile because it was the only form of a response that you could manage through the tightness in your chest and the ringing in your ears.

He thinks you care about Felix?

You have no idea, Chan.

You have no fucking idea.

You were more than thankful that Chan didn't press you for any further response on the way back. It was a lot to process. Beyond a lot, because not only were you trying to wrap your mind around the truth about Felix and his past, you were also trying to deal with your own rapidly changing feelings for him.

Despite the things that he had been through in his life, things that you couldn't even begin to understand, you were certain that there were parts of Felix that even a past as awful as his would never have been able to take from him. You had caught brief glimpses of those parts of him when it was just the two of you. You saw it in his eyes. Heard it in his voice. Felt it in his touch when he..

Maybe Chan was right about there being a chance that he would listen to you. 

You picked up your pace, allowing Chan to fall behind.

Finally, you stepped across the tree line into the clearing where the backside of Yellow Wood came into view. It took everything you had not to completely abandon Chan and run inside. You were strongly considering it, until you movement caught your attention up ahead.

A figure dressed in ragged clothing had his back to you as he walked along the backside of the building. At first glance, you assumed it was one of the boys, but it quickly became clear that something just wasn’t right. Chan came up behind you and you could quite literally feel the shift in energy the moment that he laid his own eyes on the stranger.

When he reached out for you to ensure that you didn’t take another step, a stick snapped underneath the weight of his foot. 

It obliterated the silence and you let out a breath you hadn't even realized you'd been holding in, cursing at him in your head.

The stranger spun around in an instant in search of the source of the sound. He fit right in with the majority of the population that you had come across outside of District 9. Slender build, long hair streaked with gray that fell down around the skeletal features of his face, except, there was something about this particular man that made the hair on the back of your neck stand straight up. 

Intuition, maybe. 

That or the malicious look in his eyes. 

The three of you stood at a standstill, which may have gone on for quite some time if Changbin and Minho hadn’t come strolling around the corner up ahead, completely oblivious to the severity of the situation they had just stumbled into.

Everything that happened next happened in a blur. 

Chan called out to Minho, shoving you behind him. The man tried to run but was easily overpowered by Changbin who pushed him to the ground.

Chan hurried to join them and after regaining your balance, you did the same. He dropped to the ground, helping Changbin to pull the man’s arms behind his back.

"There's some rope in the back of the truck that we can use to tie him," he grunted out as the man struggled in his grasp, and Minho took off running in the direction of the vehicle.

The intruder spit out vulgar curses at the boys until his eyes came to you and he fell silent, slowly licking his lips. 

“Where’d you find this pretty thing-”

He was cut off by Changbin who delivered a swift punch to his jaw.

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up,” he spoke through gritted teeth.

"Get inside y/n," Chan ordered, although you were a bit too stunned to comprehend his words.

When you didn’t move, he spoke again in a more authoritative tone.

"Now."

You swallowed and forced yourself to peel your eyes from the man on the ground but before you could take a single step, Hyunjin came sprinting around the corner.

"We heard shouting-“ 

We. 

You craned your neck to reveal Felix standing motionless behind him, eyes so wide you could see the whites surrounding them. The color drained from his face with every passing second, as if he was staring at a ghost. 

That or something much, much worse.

The intruder managed to turn his head where Changbin had it pressed against the ground, just enough to face Felix. And then, he did something that made every inch of your skin crawl. 

He smiled.

A sinister grin that revealed a mouth full of missing teeth.

"I mean no harm to you and your people," he looked up to Chan, correctly presuming his status as leader of the group. His voice was coarse and laced with something vicious, despite his words.

"I thought I told you to shut the fuck up." Changbin shoved the side of his head back into the ground but it didn't prevent him from speaking again. 

"I only came to collect what is rightfully mine." He spit the words out into the dirt, no longer looking to Chan but directly at Felix, whose own eyes now displayed something that you had never seen in them before.

Fear.

Minho returned with the rope and a cloth which Chan used to gag the man before he was able to say anything further. The boys dragged him to the nearest tree where they tied him tightly. His eyes never left Felix, who remained visibly on edge.

The sight of the freckled boy standing before you absolutely terrified, took away any fear you might have had for yourself and turned it into red hot anger. Without hesitation, you marched over and stepped right in front of Felix. Facing him yourself, you did your best to block the man entirely from his view. His stare remained empty, trained somewhere behind you, so you whispered out a soft “hey” and gently reached up to cup his face, bringing his attention to you instead. 

Ignoring your surroundings entirely, as if it was just the two of you. 

He didn’t speak, but he didn’t need to. The way he looked at you alone was enough to ignite something deep within you. A fierce, unexplainable desire to protect him from whatever monster lie behind you. No matter the cost.

The second the man was secured to the tree, Chan stood and yanked the clothing back from one of his shoulders, almost as if he was looking for something on the skin underneath. Dissatisfied with what he found, he moved to the opposite shoulder and did the same exact thing. You watched as he pulled down the mans shirt again to reveal a deep, branded mark, permanently etched into the skin.

Chan gritted his teeth at the sight, and then, he got up and walked right over to where you stood with Felix.

Without any resistance from Felix, Chan turned him around and pulled up the back of his shirt to reveal the exact same mark, less faded, in the exact same place.

And then, it was like the final piece of a puzzle fitting into place in your mind. 

Just as Chan had said, it seemed as though Felix really did have a tendency to let his past catch up to him.

And this time, it appeared to have been just a little too close to home.

It was decided that the boys would take turns keeping watch over the man from Felix’s past while they figured out how to deal with him. Chan was strongly against the idea of “getting rid of the fucker right here and now,” as Changbin put it, and although you hadn’t said it outright, you were in agreement with Changbin. Whoever he was, the man had clearly come here with the sole intention of hurting Felix, which was more than enough reason to “get rid of him” in your eyes. 

Despite not having any idea what was going on, Jisung was sent outside, gun in hand, to keep first watch. His only instructions from Chan being to “just do it” and that he would explain later. Changbin left with Seungmin and Jeongin to scope the perimeter, just in case the man hadn’t come alone, although you were all pretty confident you’d know by now if that had been the case.

Behind closed doors just off the main floor, what had started as a discussion between Chan, Minho, and Felix quickly escalated into an argument. You stood outside with Hyunjin, both of you too intently focused on trying to discern was being said on the other side of the doors to acknowledge each others presence. 

You jumped at what sounded like a fist slamming down on a table, which was quickly followed by Minho raising his voice.

“-How else do you think he found us?! He fucking followed him back this morning!”

Hyunjin's face scrunched in confusion and you thought of filling him in on what had happened earlier, but decided against it. Now wasn't the time to try and make friends.

You had nearly forgotten that Felix was in the room with them because he had yet to utter a single word. In fact, the last time you’d heard him speak at all was before you fell asleep last night. When his voice was filled with nothing but pleasure, exhaustion, and something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on. Something sweeter than both. 

Now, not even twenty four hours later, his voice came out detached, emotionless, broken.

“Chan is right. We need to let him go."

A brief pause before he spoke again.

“We can't kill him because they'll all come looking. We need to let him go, and I might as well go with him now because they won’t stop until-“

“-No,” Chans voice was firm, “That isn’t an option.”

“We aren’t letting that happen.” Minho again.   

And no response from Felix. 

After deciding that you'd had enough, you reached for the door handle. Before you could pull it open, Hyunjin put his hand over yours. You looked to him and he shook his head.

You obeyed and stepped back, putting your ear to the wall again.

Chan was first to speak.

“Then we leave for Miroh tomorrow, before any more of them show up. We’ll bring him with us until we can figure out what to do with him. And we keep this between us. The others don’t need to know who he is or how he knows who we are. Keep him gagged.”

Silence. 

Silence for what felt like an eternity, before the door flew open, causing you and Hyunjin to stumble backward. Felix came out first, pushing his way through without stopping to acknowledge either of you. You felt Hyunjin's eyes on you as you watched Felix go.

After a brief conversation with Minho and Chan about what would need to be done to prepare to leave for Miroh tomorrow (with an extra person) you left to get some fresh air. Which, despite the fact that you probably did need it, was just a poor excuse to cover up the real reason that you were desperate to leave the room.

You decided to head to the rooftop because you figured it was where you would have the best chance at finding Felix. Just as you stepped out onto the main floor, Jisung came in through the front doors.

“Do you have any idea what the hell is going on?"

“I thought you were keeping watch?” You shot him a puzzled look. Had Changbin and the others returned already?

“Nah, I was but Felix just took over so I came in to find some answers-“

“-What do you mean?!” You interrupted, unable to mask the sudden panic in your voice. “Is he out there alone right now?” 

“Well yeah, I mean unless you count the other guy-“

Shit.

You shoved Jisung out of the way, heading for the doors. He called out your name but there was no time to stop and explain. You bolted around the side of the building as fast as you could, and when you turned the corner, your breath hitched in your throat. It took a moment for you to realize what was actually going on. Although the sun was beginning to set, it was still light enough outside that you could make out a general outline.

The intruder was on the ground.

Free of his restraints.

On top of something, no, someone, with his hands wrapped tightly around their throat.

With his hands wrapped around Felix's throat.

Felix, who was just letting it happen. With his own hands loosely grasped around the mans own, doing nothing to stop him. The gun he was supposed to have been using to keep watch was nowhere in sight. 

You opened your mouth to yell for Chan or Jisung or anyone but nothing came out as the scene before you ripped the air from your lungs.

The man was so completely focused on draining the life from Felix that he didn’t even notice as you approached. You desperately tried to push him off, begging him to stop in short fragments with whatever words you could manage, but he didn't budge. Paying no mind to you, with his black eyes locked on Felix beneath him.

Out of instinct, your hand fell down to the knife that you always carried with you. The second time you had ever gripped the handle with real intent to use it. Removing it from your waistband, you caught sight of Felix as his eyelids began to flutter and roll back into his head as he lost consciousness. Your heart pounded in your ears at the realization that if you didn’t do something that very second you were never going to see them open again.

Every choice comes at a cost.

And you were more than willing to pay the price.

You clutched the handle of the knife as hard as you could and with one last glance to Felix, with one short plea to whatever higher power might be on your side tonight, you plunged the blade deeply into the back of his attacker.

But you didn't stop there. You pushed it deeper in the flesh because you didn’t want to let him live. Because he didn't deserve to live. Chan was wrong. 

It took every ounce of strength you had to rip the knife back out. When you did, the stranger immediately released his hold on Felix, rolling over and collapsing face up onto to the ground beside you.

You took a shaky step back, and then another, dropping the knife into the grass.

It was all too much, really.

The sight of the man on the ground, sputtering and convulsing as he struggled to breathe. 

Blood on his lips.

Blood on the knife.

Blood on your hands.

The sounds expressed by Felix whose eyes lulled open as he reached for his throat, coughing and gasping for air.

The wheezing noises caused by your own hyperventilated breathing that you hadn’t even noticed until now.

You had never killed anyone before. Somewhere deep down, you knew that you had it in you, considering where you came from, and you had accepted that you might need to some day given the recent choices you had made.

But you had never actually done it. 

And maybe you would never have had to, if Felix hadn’t just allowed the man at your feet to bring him to the edge of death. 

Your panic turned to anger once again, but this time it wasn't directed at the dying man. 

"You didn’t fight back."

You whispered, refusing to look at Felix as he lifted his head up to you from his place on the ground.

When he failed to respond, you repeated yourself again. Raising your voice.

"Why didn’t you fight back?!"

It broke as you yelled it at him, nails digging into your palms once again to keep from losing it completely.

Felix stood slowly, on shaky legs. Once he was stable on his feet, he took a few hesitant steps toward you where he reached down to take your hands into his own, bringing the bottom of his shirt up to wipe off the blood. When you tried to look back at the man that now lay motionless on the ground, he cupped your face and turned your attention back to him. Just as you had done earlier.

You turned your head in the opposite direction, refusing to face him because it stung. The fact that he had almost willingly left you behind in this world. To face whatever uncertainties lie ahead, without him. Alone.

You lifted a fist and brought it back down onto his chest. It landed gently, with a soft thud, because no matter how upset you were with him in that moment, no matter how angry or hurt you might have been, you would never be able to hurt him back.

You repeated the action over and over, again and again, and then you stopped. Splaying your fingers on his chest, spreading them wide, until you felt beat of his heart underneath. Thudding against your palm, accompanied by the steady rise and fall of every breath he took.

Felix was safe. He was alive. The marks on his neck would fade. The aching sensation in your heart would heal to leave behind a small scar. But what was one more, anyway?

Felix remained motionless, allowing you all the time you needed with your hand on his chest as your breathing steadied, falling in sync with his own.

Finally you gave in, tilting your head up to look at him, unable to keep tears from falling when you met his eyes despite your best efforts to hold them back. You could have, if he had been anyone else, but he made you more vulnerable than you would ever have been able to admit.

Maybe it was a good thing that you felt like throwing up at the mere thought of the body at your feet, because it meant that you hadn't inherited your fathers disregard for human life. Maybe it made you weaker. But nothing made you as weak as the freckled boy standing in front of you now. 

Maybe your father had been right about one thing. 

When Felix reached to pull you into his arms, you let him.

Over your shoulder, Felix forced his own eyes down the lifeless man on the ground, just one of the many individuals who had made his life a living hell for as long as he could remember. A strange combination of loss and relief washed over him, followed by a brief sense of freedom that he couldn’t let himself indulge in fully, because he knew it wouldn't last. 

When you buried your face into his neck, Felix rested his chin on the top of your head. Bringing a hand up, he gently stroked your hair while you calmed down.

He had never even meant for you to know his name and now, without any hesitation whatsoever, you had stupidly put yourself in danger for him.

Without any consideration for the repercussions it might have, you had just killed someone.

For him.

To protect him. 

And it was because of you that he was able to feel any ounce of freedom at all tonight, no matter how short lived it may be.

Every barrier he had put up, every single wall he had built around himself, it all came crashing down at the thought. Shattering into nothing as you tore your way through his defenses faster than anyone ever had before.

Felix already had seven soul mates.

He wondered if there would be room for an eighth. 

Part 5.

tysm for reading<33 i'm also going to start a taglist for this fic so if you would like to be added please don't hesitate to let me know :)

taglist: @vixensss

[bslrecs]

Only on ch 1 right now but the world building is already extraordinary!!

off the deep end.

~series masterlist~

series pairing: rebel!felix x reader (f)

series rating: 18+ **minors do not interact**

genre: post-apocalypse/dystopian au, enemies to lovers, angst, romance, suggestive content

series warnings: dark and mature themes, violence, blood and injury, death, weapon use (knives, gunfire, etc.), fighting, oppressive government, mentions of starvation/hunger, language, angst, suggestive content, chapter specific warnings will be used for those not mentioned in this list

Summary: Kept hidden for your entire life as the daughter of the most powerful man in a broken society, you had always known the world outside to be a certain way..until you found out that it wasn't anything at all like what you had been told. Chance encounters with a mysterious stranger and his band of rebels drags you into a fight to change it all. With your world suddenly turned upside down and unable to ignore your growing feelings, all you can do now is try to keep the one you love most alive. But when he just so happens to be the enemy, will you be able to trust him to the same?

~chapter list~

~(pt.1) the sun and his moon~ “maybe we were too much like the sun and the moon. deeply in love but too different to exist side by side.”

~(pt.2) the price of fate~ "being the mirror to someone's soul comes with a cost. every choice made when your fate is intertwined with another's comes at a cost."

~(pt.3) the promise of something more~ "if a star fell from the sky you might be tempted to pick it up. just remember that if you do, you'll have to give it back someday, and it will be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do."

~(pt.4) the eighth~ "you will come across many soulmates in your current lifetime. but that doesn't mean you will get to keep them."

~(pt.5) the weight of the world~ "time is a merciless force, more precious than anything tangible in this world. because no matter what you do once it is gone, you will never be able to win it back."

[bslrecs]

INFERNO | Masterlist

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «ABOUT/FAQ» · «ASK» 

❗ DISCLAIMER: Please read About & FAQs before you engage. All work incorporates afab!Reader insert unless otherwise stated.

LEGEND 🖤Pairing · 📜Word Count · 🪐AU/Genre/Trope · 🚨 Warnings

SYNOPSIS Hyunjin is supposed to get married to his childhood best friend a month after he turns eighteen. He's so clueless about what "manhood" entails that his mother consults to arranging a "makeshift wife" to train him for it.

📓Chapter 2/3, Explicit, Ongoing 🖤Hyunjin x Reader 🪐Arranged Marriage AU: Period Drama, Romance, Angst, Slowburn, Steamy 🚨General themes explored & warnings: HEAVY religious elements (please do not proceed if you're uncomfortable), age gap (noona agenda but no one calls anyone noona), themes of demisexualism throughout, depictions of sexual deviance, explicit sexual content, strong language. ❗Reader discretion strongly advised: While each chapter will feature its respective warnings, not everything that takes place in this work of fiction may be revealed in the warnings to avoid spoilers (except violence elements where applicable). Please read at your own risk. 💌Commisioned by @straywrds

📖CONTENT · Chapter 1: Gates of Hell · Chapter 2: Limbo is Burning

«GENERAL M.LIST» · «NAVIGATION» · «ABOUT/FAQ» · «ASK» 

📢Regarding tagging: Please do not ask me to tag you if you won't be meaningfully engaging with my work. Additionally, I do not tag ageless and/or blank blogs, nor can I tag you if your blog is listed as "invisible" / if you've changed your URL and didn't let me know. Thank you for your cooperation in advance!

[bslrecs]

FIND ME (INSIDE EVERY HEARTBEAT)

LEGEND 🖤Pairing · 📜Word Count · 🪐AU/Genre/Trope · 🚨 Warnings

🖤DILF!Lee Know x (afab) Reader 📜9.8k | Approx. 41-min read 🪐Exes to lovers, Angst with fluff frosting, Mutual Pining, Smut with a disgusting amount of feelings 🚨Reader discretion advised: A painful breakup, mentions of previous toxic behavior, body worshipping, breeding kink (Minho legitimately wishes to knock mc up and the feeling's mutual), praise kink (m), vaginal fingering, oral sex (m, f), unprotected sex, creampie. 💌Shoutout to @straywrds for throwing this idea at me and running away like everything's fine. 💭Reblogs & comments are always appreciated and please keep in mind they are the ultimate motivation fuel.

SYNOPSIS He loved you deliriously, but it wasn't enough to keep him from letting you go. Years later, you run into each other again.

He's a dad now.

This one-shot is a spinoff from the universe of 「THE ZONE」 — Events take place much later than Minho's arc (unreleased as of July '23).

“I’m fucking poisoning you, aren’t I?”

Cavalier. Presumptuous. High-and-mighty. Show-off. A trainwreck. A goddamn fucking know-it-all. 

Lee Minho.

You had found him at his worst all those years ago like a little stray cat drenched in rain, hissing at everybody who dares to come close just to make itself look intimidating. He had lost a friend and he was hurting a lot, making his defenses taller than The Great Wall. Made of iron, impenetrable almost.

You had fallen in love with his full moon smile hidden under layers of midnight brokenness.

“Do not say such things!”

“You and I both know who you really should be with,” he spat, jaw and fists clenched in unison, “We should… we should just break up.”

Another outburst again. Minho was a man comprised of intense emotions. Pleasant delight to manic euphoria, tinge of arousal to fatal lust, mild irritation to unhinged fury at record speed. You loved how passionate he was, but it was indeed true that it was hurting you every once in a while.

But calling that poison?

“Please,” you begged him in tears, “Please don’t do this.”

He loved you deliriously, but it wasn’t enough to keep him from letting you go because he thought you belonged with someone else. Someone who had a decent command over his own emotions, someone who would make you mostly happy rather than half the time. They would at least be able to stay in your good graces when their pros trumped their cons.

Whereas Minho was in a vicious cycle of erasing all the rights he accumulated with a single colossal wrong.

“I know how much I’m hurting you. It’s who I am at this point. I can’t help it,” he averted his eyes from you, squeezing his eyes to push his tears back, “Just… Don’t make this any harder.”

“Minho, please… We can get through this together. We can—”

“It’s not your job to fix me!”

And just like that, he walked away. As if all those years you had spent together were just a dream. As if all the dreams you had did not exist. As if he had never called you his sun. It had caught on so much that you wouldn’t even call each other by your names; he would call you Sunny instead, and you would call him Moony. 

Sun? What sun? 

Light was a social construct, and it could go to fucking hell. Ever since Minho left, it was always new moon for you, and darkness was all you knew. Everything lost its color and turned into bleak monochrome shades.

And it was getting dimmer with each passing day.

You were going crazy. You talked to your friends about the same things over and over again. Nothing was consoling you. Nothing was able to splash a bit of cold water on the hellfire that broke out in your heart. The lilies you loved so much had died. It kept raining torrents. You cried and cried and cried over him until you ran out of tears to cry. You had never felt this helpless in your life. 

Minho used to sing quiet lullabies for you in his arms. 

You lost sleep. 

Minho used to make grilled cheese sandwiches for you on Saturday mornings. 

You lost your appetite. 

Minho used to draw silly doodles on post-its and stick them all over the house so that you would laugh when you saw them. 

You lost joy. 

You bundled yourself in your cocoon of blankets for days on end, hoping it would pass. Sooner than later. Sooner than later. Sooner. Sooner. Please, I’m dying over here.

“It’s time, sweetheart. Come on, get up.”

You were so consumed in grief that you had lost all sense of reality. To this day, you were thankful to Hyejin for dragging you to a therapy appointment that day.

It still took a long-ass time, but you at least managed to reach a state of neutrality instead of violently breaking down when you heard the name Minho. The hellfire was put out, but the gentle sizzle of the everburning amber was still there. You had no choice but to come to terms with carrying that around for the rest of your life.

When it was time to reintegrate with the rest of the world again, you even entertained the thought of having someone in your life. You went on several dates. There were people you genuinely liked among them, too, but it always ended up the same.

“You’re still in love with your ex, aren’t you?”

Maybe. You were deluding yourself into thinking otherwise, but maybe… Even after all this time… 

You couldn’t help it. Minho was your first true love, so naturally, the cut he left behind was the deepest of them all. He still popped into your mind every now and then, making you wonder how he was doing. Whether he was happy or not. Whether he was thinking about you.

Whether he was regretting his decision at all.

When you woke up that Saturday, you had a really bad craving for grilled cheese, but you realized were out of ingredients. If you left right away, maybe everything would be different, but you decided to leave after taking a shower that lasted twenty three minutes. When you left your apartment, you briefly returned because you forgot to take out the trash. The cab you took ran one red light on the way, and you debated whether you should go to the bookstore now or after you finished your shopping, eventually opting for later.

…all of which cumulatively contributed to the exact moment you thought you finally went insane in front of the dairy aisle.

“Sunny?”

A bolt of lightning struck in the exact spot you were standing when you heard that name rendered in that voice. You heard something erupt in the distance, and the tremors of a violent mushroom cloud destroyed everything into a pile of goddamn debris.

When you slowly turned your head to your right, you indeed saw the one thing you were dreading to see for so long holding bread slices and a block of cheddar in his hands.

“Minho.”

His equally shocked expression was slowly replaced by a smile, and once you saw those cheekbones raised again, you felt your heart thumping in your ears. 

“I can’t believe it’s actually you. You look fantastic!” he threw the groceries into his shopping cart and approached you, “How have you been?”

Your heart ached. He looked as good as you remembered him. Even better actually with those waves in his hair. The dark circles under his eyes were long gone, and while happy was up for debate, he at least looked healthy.

“I’m doing better,” a vague smile appeared on your lips, “How have you been?”

“More or less the same neighborhood.”

Both of you were looking at each other, and there was something akin to an awe-filled silence between you. It wasn’t tense, but it was extremely intense. You were replaying every single memory of Minho in your head at x100 speed and wondering if he was doing the same. One wrong word could pop the oddly cozy bubble that immediately enveloped this moment, and you weren’t ready for it to end yet. You wanted to beg him like he used to when you tried to drag him out of bed.

Please, Sunny, just five more minutes!

“Are you in a hurry? Can we grab a cup of coffee right outside?”

You had managed to take one step forward after fighting all those demons. What if this was ten steps back? What if this small encounter was going to leave another unfillable void in your soul, and what if—?

“Of course,” you heard yourself say despite everything that was yelling at you inside your head. He smiled at you again.

It made you wanna throw yourself into the freezing cold ocean every time he smiled.

After completing your purchases, you made your way to the coffee shop in front of the bookstore, and Minho headed to the counter without even asking you what you would like. He returned with two large cups of dark roast americano, and you could smell the drop of caramel syrup in it. He still remembered how you took your coffee. 

Your heart sizzled.

“Thank you,” you dragged the coffee towards yourself on the table for two, “You grew out your hair. It really suits you.”

“And you dyed yours. I really like the color.”

There were so many things you wanted to say, so many questions you wanted to ask, but you didn’t even know where to start. Then something caught your attention as you kept playing with the lid of your cup.

“You got a tattoo, huh?”

“It’s Polaris,” Minho touched his left wrist, “It’s for my daughter. She’s my little star guiding me.”

Your heart dropped to your stomach so fast that you felt queasy. Did you… hear that correctly just now?

“You… you have a daughter,” you flashed him a terrorized smile.

It wasn’t a question, but it was. It wasn’t an interrogation, but it was. So he did find someone after you. Not only did he find them, but also… Also…

Did you do to her the same things you used to do to me? Did you also tell her you loved her endlessly? Was she able to touch you like I would? Did you miss me when you realized I beat her at that one good? 

“Yeah!” he brought out his wallet and showed you a picture in it with a smile, “Her name is Nari.” 

“N-Nari?”

It would have hurt less if he started torturing you right then and there. Lilies… He named his daughter after goddamn lilies. Mr. I’m-Poisoning-You had indeed gone ahead and found a toxin-immune terrain to breed.

Was this a fucking joke?!

“Oh wow, she’s the spitting image of you!”

“She’s great,” Minho looked at the picture fondly, “Being a father really changes you, you know. It puts things into perspective.”

Of course you knew. You had always known he would be a terrific father. A quirky one, for sure, but filled to the brim with love for his children. 

“How about you? You got any kids?”

You couldn’t believe you were asked this question by Minho as if you didn’t plan to have two kids once upon a time. One boy and one girl, the best of both worlds. Preferably twins. He was going to annoy the shit out of you with your son, and you were going to retaliate with your daughter because that was, quote, ‘How she will learn to be a boss lady later in life’.

“No,” you flashed a broken smile at him.

The mood was getting considerably solemn. What were you expecting anyway? For him to not be over you? He was the one who wanted to walk away, so why the surprise? What kind of hope were you holding onto all this time?

Were you unknowingly holding onto some hope all this time?

“Uh… So what do you do?” you attempted to change the topic, “Did you make it as a dancer like you wanted?”

“I’m actually a chef now,” Minho leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms on his now broader chest, “If you’ve ever been to Four Seasons downtown, I’ve probably served you.”

“Whoa, isn’t that a Michelin restaurant?”

“Which I’m responsible for obtaining.”

“That’s fucking impressive!”

Neither of you touched that radioactive waste zone again until you reached the bottom of your coffees. Instead, you talked about stuff you would do at a college reunion. What happened after you graduated? Were you able to land a good job? Of course you were; your professors never shut up about how promising you were. Your boss, though? He could go fuck himself. The chef thing? While he was wondering Minho found himself in the cookbook aisle at this very bookstore one day, and it was all downhill from there. He had never thought about turning his hobbies into a career before and he should have done that sooner.

Both of you spent an entire hour like this. Pretending. Acting like you weren’t extremely shaken by the other’s presence, and in complete disbelief that this was the reality you were leading now.

“It was great to see you,” Minho spoke as you were leaving the place.

It was a disaster to see you, you wanted to yell at his face. I’ve been doing so fucking well up till now, and now I’m back to goddamn square one. Why did you have to fucking show up again?

“You too,” you smiled at him instead.

When you least expected it, he reached for a hug and all of a sudden… 

That familiar scent.

Sandalwood. Ocean. Salt. Sunscreen. Forest breeze. Pine trees. Passion. Love. Lust. All in the same whiff.

Minho. 

The one that got away. Willingly.

Even after all this time, I still love you.

“I really hope this won’t be our only encounter,” he sheepishly smiled and took his phone out, “Do you mind if we—?”

“I don’t think so, Minho.”

His expression immediately fell. He was sulking. You hated it when he pouted. You just wanted to give him the entire universe so that he would smile again.

But this past hour had taken the life out of you.

“I’m sorry, I– I didn’t mean to assume,” he put his phone back and turned his eyes to the ground, “Of course. When you agreed to have coffee with me, I just thought…”

“It’s not that.”

You creased your brows trying to pick your words carefully. A part of you was still mad at him for what he put you through, but it wasn’t like you wanted to get back at him for it. You were trying to move on, and exchanging numbers and having him around was certainly not the way to do that.

You could never be friends with him again. Not when you knew what he tasted like because you knew for a fact that he tasted like your soulmate. 

And you were forever doomed to be the fully functional half of a perfect whole without Minho.

“I almost died trying to get over you,” you finally met his gaze, “It was nice to catch up, yes, but you seem to have much more important priorities now.”

You reached out for his hand, and he watched you stroke his tattoo with your thumb.

“My daughter.”

“I’m very proud of you, you know,” you smiled genuinely for the first time, “I know it’s not unheard of for people to change, but I’m very glad to see you changed for the better.”

Minho opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Instead, he smiled at you again, albeit in a thousand pieces.

It made you wanna burn yourself alive every time he smiled like that. You instinctively pecked his cheek and hailed an approaching cab.

“Say hi to the missus for me,” you smiled at him as you got in and took out your earphones from your pockets, “Houston Drive, please.”

Only after the cab took off was Minho able to register what you just said.

“Wait!” he dropped his bags, “Sunny, please wait!!!”

Minho started running after the yellow vehicle gliding down the road like a yellow serpent but to no avail. He eventually slowed down to a halt, panting hard as he held his knees in complete fatigue. With his last remaining strength, he yelled after you as if you would be able to magically hear him.

“THERE IS NO MISSUS, SUNNY, PLEASE!”

“You’re fucking kidding me!”

“Nope. I’d rather gargle cyanide than bring him up in a conversation,” you talked into the speakerphone as you were tearing the lettuce in the kitchen, “Minho is a daddy now.”

“And who’s the bitch?”

“Jin…”

“I SAID WHO’S THE BITCH I JUST WANNA ACCIDENTALLY RUN INTO HIS WIFE SOMEWHERE WITH MY CAR!”

While Hyejin’s murderous intentions to avenge you were appreciated, you didn’t possess the knowledge that would satisfy her.

“I didn’t ask.”

“What do you mean you didn’t ask? Aren’t you at least a little bit curious?”

“I’m not about to spiral myself into a comparison olympics, sweetie.”

“Urgh, fucking Lee. Pops out of nowhere like a goddamn jack in a box after all this time,” Hyejin scoffed into her receiver, “If I ever see him, I will crack his ring finger!”

You initially laughed at her violent comments, but then… something hit you.

“Actually, he wasn’t wearing one.”

“A married man and is not wearing his wedding ring?”

“I mean… I assumed he was married.”

“Let me ask you something, Sunny,” she sarcastically emphasized, “Did you or did you not hear it from his mouth that he was married?”

You drew a total blank at her words. No, you hadn’t asked him that because why the fuck would you? Who would have wanted to know what would be their untimely demise?

“But he has a daughter.”

“That literally doesn’t answer my question,” Hyejin insisted, “Did he tell you he was married?”

“He– he didn’t.”

“WOMAN!!!”

You didn’t know what to make of her reaction. When you were still together with Minho, Hyejin was the number one fan of your relationship, but obviously, people had to choose sides after a breakup. She was always there for you through your darkest times, but now…

Was she insinuating what you thought she was insinuating?

“Here’s what we’re doing,” she continued, unbothered, “Next week, you’re getting into your classiest slut attire and we’re having dinner at Four Seasons for operation ‘This is what you missed out on motherfucker’. I’m making a reservation right now.”

“Hyejin, please!”

“I SAID WHAT I SAID. DON’T MAKE ME RUN YOU OVER, TOO!”

Then she hung up on your face.

Minho didn’t say it, yeah, but it didn’t necessarily mean that he was single, either.

But what if he was?

What if he was?

What if…?

“So what if he is?!” you threw your phone on the couch in exasperation.

On the D-Day, you took the longest shower of your life drowned in your thoughts, and started to get ready for your dinner plans as if you were going on a fucking date.

The possibility of seeing Minho again stirred something in you, no matter how much it was in a work context. If anything, you were nervous to be in his fascinating Michelin chef presence, quite possibly fucking shit up in the hottest way possible. Because that was what he was. Intense. No matter what he did. You didn’t even know how you would be able to see him considering… He had to be in the kitchen, no? It wasn’t like the man was serving people himself. Would you make up an excuse? Would you try to sneak into the back? Would you purposefully send your food back, or ask for the chef to come over so that you could pay him compliments in person?

Why did you agree to Hyejin’s plans again?

“Good evening. Did you have a reservation?”

You were there to have dinner, no? Basic human needs and whatnot. Then why did it feel like this man was questioning your entire life trying to decide whether you were worth being there or not?

“Yes. I believe it’s under Ahn Hyejin?”

He went through the gargantuan notebook he had in front of him, and once he confirmed the name, he made his way inside.

“This way, please.”

You thought he was going to lead you to a table in the middle of the people crowding that large hall, so naturally, you were befuddled as hell when he passed the restaurant area and guided you towards a more secluded place.

“I’m sorry, I think there’s a mistake. I’m supposed to be having dinner with my friend?��

“Yes, ma’am. Ms. Ahn has booked this VIP room for you.”

“For me?” you creased your brows in confusion, “As in she’s not coming?”

He finally slid a door open and gestured you to go in. There was a table for two inside in front of a window looking over a fantastic city view along with a lot of kitchen utensils. You walked towards one of the chairs and sat down.

“Enjoy your experience,” the maître d’ left you by yourself in that extravagantly luxurious room.

Confused out of your mind, you attacked your phone to call Hyejin to ask where the hell she was, but she wasn’t picking up. The one time you needed her the most…

“Dammit, Jin!”

She was the one who came up with this plan without telling you what the plan fucking entailed, so what in the fresh fuck was up with that indeed?

“Good evening.”

You heard the door slide open again. A person clad in jet black kitchen attire let themselves in and greeted you without looking at you. You could literally hear the fireworks or a nuclear bomb go off in the distance when you turned towards the source of that honey voice. The person’s expression, on the other hand, was in between being on the brink of crying and flashing the most genuine smile of their life.

Your heart melted into a puddle when you saw him.

“My name is Lee Minho. I’ll be your personal chef tonight.”

“You’ll— my— personal what?”

He had a very entertained smile on his face seeing how flustered you were.

“Well, isn’t that why you came here tonight? To dine?”

Was it??? The last time you checked, you were under the impression that you were going to have dinner with your best friend to throw shade at your ex. Not be in such an unnecessarily close proximity to him that you would question all your life choices that led to that moment.

“I– I don’t… Hyejin booked…”

“Ah, of course. The boss lady herself,” Minho slightly bowed at the name as a sign of respect and then licked his lips with absolute mischief shooting from his eyes, “So you did tell her about me, huh?”

“Why– why– why would I do that?”

“I find it a little hard to believe that she of all people would coincidentally request me. I know she put a bounty on my head back in the day,” he casually handed you a menu, “Would you like my recommendations or would you like to create your own menu for tonight?”

He was standing tall with an upright posture right next to you with his arms clasped behind his back, waiting on you like your personal bodyguard. You had noticed how he must been working out a couple of days back, but those bulging veins that traveled from his elbow down to his hands confirmed it for you.

Minho used to despise moving.

“I’d like to have so very much wine, please,” you handed the menu back to him while gulping. He chuckled in delight.

“As for the food?”

“Surprise me.”

His chuckle turned into gentle laughter for some reason.

“With pleasure,” he took the thick cardboard away from you.

Minho opened a very decent bottle of cabernet sauvignon first to accompany your appetizers, and then promptly got to work. You watched him create magic right before your eyes. The way he was executing his craft with such passion and enthusiasm felt like you were supposed to be paying to watch him cook. It was that satisfying, and he made it look so easy. Smooth wrist movements, a tight grip and flawless command over his knives, brows furrowed and lips slightly pouting due to concentration. You didn’t even realize how much time had passed when he finished your first course.

“Please enjoy,” he placed an incredibly fancy-looking black porcelain plate in front of you.

And when you took your first bite of the food…

“God—DAMN, Min, you used to struggle even with pasta. How the heck did this happen?!”

You knew you fucked it up royally when you met Minho’s gaze. As nervous as you were, the familiarity of having him around had tricked you, and the word just slipped from your lips. Min. The way he looked at you so longingly when he heard that name from you again… After all those years…

You wished the ground would swallow you whole.

“Thank you. I appreciate it very much,” Minho broke into a very comforting and content smile sensing your internal struggle, “I’ll get started with your entrée.”

He proceeded to prepare your main course, and as he was busying himself with it, you suddenly blurted out with the courage you got from your wine.

“Why don’t you make it for two?”

“Are you expecting company?” he asked not looking away from his cutting board.

“I’d like you to join me.”

He finally met your gaze, and you saw the whirlwind of emotions stirring in them. Surprised, definitely. Undertones of happy. A tinge of excitement maybe. And then he smiled.

It made you wanna lock him in the tightest embrace every time he smiled.

“I can’t do that while I’m working,” he returned to his cooking, somewhat bashful.

“You can if a paying customer is asking you to,” you insisted, “Please.”

Please? Did you just say please?

Did you know how many years did he wait for you to say that in any context? Did you know how unequipped he was to say no to that request?

Without saying anything, he threw another marinated steak on the grill in front of him and added another portion of baby potatoes right next to it. Shortly after, he pulled two plates from the cabinet below him and decorated them exactly the same. 

Minus the little demiglace sun he drew on your plate and a crescent moon on his.

After he placed the plates on the table, he grabbed a fishbowl wine glass for himself and poured a generous amount of burgundy courage into it as if he wanted to drown himself.

“To you,” he raised his glass. 

You reciprocated. Your glasses kissed each other way more fearlessly than you two could coexist in the same room. If Minho cooked dinner for you in the privacy of his own kitchen, it would only be slightly more intimate than this.

You both ate in silence for some time. You savored every bite, every flavor he managed to squeeze into that plate. It might have been completely delusional of you to think this way, but for some reason, everything everything in front of you tasted so sweet just because Minho made it for you. Nothing in this world could be this concerningly delicious to make you think whether you were having your last meal or not.

“Minho, I’m going to ask you a question.”

To hell with it. The itch at the back of your brain was about to drive you crazy, so you just had to scratch it before you snapped and went on a fucking rampage.

“Yes?” he asked you with his brows raised.

“To be brutally honest, I’m kind of scared to hear the answer,” you put your fork down and stared at it, “Are you…?”

How to ask this? How to not pry but pry at the same time? How to make him think you didn’t have the ulterior motives that you absolutely had? What if he gave the wrong answer? Because there was a wrong answer here.

“You’re– you’re married, right? To Nari’s mother, I mean.”

“No.”

A total lack of pause. He answered your question so nonchalantly as if to say What the hell is wrong with you?

“Really?! I mean…” you immediately cleared your throat, “I mean, are you– are you divorced, or…?”

“We never got married.”

What the hell was that feeling of relief spreading throughout your chest at a concerning speed?

“Why not?”

“Because we were never together to begin with,” Minho took a sip from his wine, “Nari wasn’t exactly born out of love.”

The clouds passing by his beautiful face… They were a distinct type of nimbus. Quite dark. Charged with lethal bolts of lightning. If they rained, they would sure as fuck create disastrous floods after them.

“Her mother and I… Let’s just say our relationship lasted for less than an hour under a lot of haze,” he started drawing circles on the rim of his glass, “There was a time in my life when I turned to less-than-ideal means to…”

Then he pierced a hole in your soul with his eyes.

“To try and forget you.”

Once upon a time, you knew a man. He wasn’t aware he had pirated his entire personality from someone else, and he would do anything to get his way. Anything. Even say things that would mean so much to an average person with zero restlessness on his conscience because he didn’t have one. He just didn’t give a fuck who he was hurting as long as he got what he wanted.

Years later, that very same man was sitting right in front of you, holding his heart between his hands openly and giving you a free pass to crush it into mere dust if you wished. The amount of vulnerability in his voice… He knew he deserved it. He knew he deserved the worst of it.

“I’m not proud of it, but I’m taking responsibility. She was the one who wanted to keep the baby, but she is nowhere to be found most of the time. So I filed for full custody.”

“You’re– you’re raising her on your own?”

“Yes,” he smiled and then switched to his playfully cocky mode you were a bit too familiar with, “I mean Rose helps us a lot of course, but I’m not about the give her all the credit. I’m indeed a superdad to my baby.”

You involuntarily chuckled. Why of course, even in the form of a joke he just had to compliment himself because that was Lee Minho for you.

“How old is she now?”

“She’s four.”

If someone had told you that years later you would be listening to this beautiful disaster with Everest-level cockiness talk about his baby girl fondly, you would die laughing.

Minho wriggled in his seat and cleared his throat, then spoke without looking at you.

“Well… Are– are you…?”

“Am I what?” you reached for your glass.

“You know,” he dragged his finger down the stem of his glass as if that was the most important task at hand, “Have someone. In your life.”

He seemed almost scared to look at you, but eventually mustered his strength to face his fate. You dragged on the silence for as long as you could handle and shook your head no. Not only was there massive relief on his face, but Minho also let out a very deep breath that accompanied his blooming smile.

“Sunny.”

The tone of his voice changed all of a sudden. Serious. Determined. He reached for your hand over the table and fearlessly looked deep into your eyes as he talked this time.

“I’ve never stopped having feelings for you. Never.”

His skin on yours once again. Hesitant but oh so soothing. Asking to come home.

All your senses were extremely heightened somehow.

“I thought I was doing what I believed was the best for you, but I hit rock bottom. I lived my life as a walking corpse after I let you go, but you know why I’m glad Nari exists?”

Every time he talked about his baby girl, all his razor-sharp features softened, and the amount of compassion he had for her was simply bursting out of him.

“She turned me into a man that I always wanted to become for you. She is teaching me about patience. She is teaching me about unconditional love,” Minho swallowed a sob to push it way down, “And she reminds me so much of you.”

This right there was how cruel life was. You both had to be dragged through hell and back in your own ways to become the people you were at that very moment. Nothing had gone according to the plan, but then it made you think. 

So what if it hadn’t? 

Would that necessarily be the better option? What if you and Minho stayed together to the point of resenting each other so badly that you couldn’t stand the idea of sharing a life anymore? So what if it wasn’t you two that were supposed to change each other for the better? At the end of the day, Minho was a household chef and a devoted father who seemed much more level-headed, and you were a successful editor-slash-writer who refused to put anyone else right at the center of your life anymore.

All things considered, did that really turn out so bad?

All things considered, could you give him another chance?

All things considered, would you be able to find it in your heart to forgive him?

“You’ve always been my Moony, Min,” you smiled at him through the tears threatening to fall, “And always will be.”

His smile, on the other hand, grew so devastatingly big that you were almost blinded.

“I was thinking, after I’m done here would you like to—?”

“Excuse me, ma’am.”

“DO YOU MIND, GENE?”

The poor maître d’ was just doing his job, but Minho got so annoyed to be interrupted at the best part that he couldn’t help the volume of his voice and startled both of you.

“I sincerely apologize,” he judged the crap out of Minho solely with his eyes and put a little envelope in front of you, “Ms. Ahn extends her regards.”

When you opened it, you saw that it contained two keycards in it for room 1116.

“Well, Gene, Ms. Ahn is indeed here, isn’t she?” you closed the envelope and shot him a knowing look, “I promise I’m not going to do anything. I just want to know.”

The tall man in his crisp brand-name suit got flustered out of his mind but felt obliged to provide you with an answer anyway.

“We’ve been strictly instructed to monitor your mood and let her know if you were in distress, ma’am.”

“Thank you very much. While I don’t appreciate the CCTV treatment, please tell her I’m really enjoying myself.”

As the man apologetically bowed and made himself scarce, you removed one of the keycards from the envelope and slid it towards Minho.

“Here’s your tip, Chef Lee,” you spoke with the softest but infinitely seductive tone, “Why don’t you pick up a bottle of your most expensive champagne and meet me upstairs?”

Without giving him a chance to speak, you got up to your feet. Minho’s eyes followed your every move and his jaw dropped when you came that close to him and leaned in.

“You remember how we used to not let each other sleep, right Min?” you placed a little kiss on the mole on his nose and left him there to marinate in his feelings for a while.

You thought he would take a while to arrive, but shortly after you entered the room, you heard a knock on your door.

“Can I come in?”

“Why didn’t you just let yourself in?” you looked at him in surprise.

“I uh– I wanted to make sure you actually want this,” he scratched his neck, “Maybe you’re having second thoughts, or maybe y—”

You shut him up by kissing him, and his eyes immediately closed. His lips in yours again… So soft. Occupied the space in your mouth just right. Burned you with the amount of desire they were coated in.

Some things had changed, yes, but some things were never going to change.

He still tasted the same.

“Does that answer your question?”

When you looked at him like that and dragged your fingers down his cheek, Minho lost his remaining sanity and devoured your lips. You pulled him in from the collar of his uniform as he shut the door behind him with his foot. Your hands were all over each other wanting to touch everything at the same time. You guided his hand between your legs to show him how wet you were already, eliciting a deliciously loud groan from him.

“You fucking know how weak I am for you, so you’re doing it on purpose, aren’t you?” he spoke into your mouth, “Keep this up and someone’s getting knocked up tonight.”

“Then fucking put your money where your mouth is. I dare you to breed me.”

“I hope your birth control fails.”

“I hope your condom breaks.”

“Joke’s on you. I don’t have one on me.”

You pulled him in for another fiery kiss, but when you attempted to take off his top, he stopped you.

“No, no, no, baby, I need to shower first.”

You shuddered when you suddenly heard the address he used to have for you. Minho also realized what he just called you and examined your face intently to determine the level of his fuck up. 

“I’m– I’m so sorry. Force of habit.”

“It’s fine,” you smiled at him contrary to his expectations, “More than fine actually.”

“I promise I’ll be back in five minutes. Time me.” 

You giggled as he grabbed a towel and bolted to the shower. When he reemerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist and his wet locks sticking to his face, he still had forty-three seconds to spare, and you almost lost your whole entire shit when you saw him half-naked after all this time.

Minho had always been gorgeous, but now in addition to that, the man had become totally ripped.

“Now where were we?” he sat right next to you and attempted to kiss you again.

“Nuh-uh,” you stopped him in panic as if you weren’t on the brink of jumping him yourself, “You did kill the mood. You gotta work me up again.”

“Again,” he echoed you, “So I did work you up before.”

Even when he knew what he was doing to you, Minho would always try to coax you into saying it out loud. Give him attention, tell him how pretty he was, praise his oral skills, moan his name when you were cumming… He lived for that shit.

But once his lips touched your skin again, there were no remains of the playfully brazen guy anymore. It was like he was trying to tell you something without actually saying it.

“Did you miss me, too, Sunny?” he kissed the corner of your lips and started moving downwards, “Did you miss me as much as I missed you?”

His hands were all over you, albeit moving very unhurriedly. He was inhaling you a lot as if he had been to war and was down bad with homesickness.

“Say yes,” he spoke into your neck while pulling the straps of your dress down, “Even if you didn’t, please say yes.”

“But yes,” you affirmed and kept repeating it like a mantra to him, “Yes, I missed you to death. Yes. Yes.”

No amount of shampoo or shower gel could hide his sandalwood scent from you. You were getting lost in him just like you always did as if you didn’t spend any time apart. Minho stopped for a moment and looked at your face while stroking your cheeks, eyes beaming with adoration.

“You have another tattoo?” you touched his right shoulder, “Don’t tell me that’s for your daughter, too, because this looks depressing.”

It was a completely blackened sun as if it was in an eclipse. His expression turned serious all of a sudden.

“It’s for you actually.”

Your heart dropped to the pit of your stomach.

“You were my sun. You still are. I already felt like I had completely eclipsed you, but when we broke up, my entire world darkened,” he caressed your hair, “It’s a little brighter now thanks to my little girl, but it’s… It’s not the same.”

You were suddenly overcome with so many emotions that you found yourself on the brink of crying. Minho’s eyes. Minho’s lips. Minho’s love. Minho. Minho. Minho.

“Love me,” your voice quivered, “You owe me years’ worth of touches. Just love me.”

“Shh, it’s okay now,” he kissed your hands and laid you down, “I’m right here.”

You let him pacify you with his touches as he stripped you fully. He caressed every inch of your body softly and marked every piece of skin he uncharted with a little kiss. As if he was discovering you afresh. 

“Hate me all you want. I deserve it,” he pulled himself up to your eye level again, “Just let me kiss it all better. However long it takes.”

Then he proceeded to place his wet ‘days of the week’ kisses that you had missed so so so much. 

“Monday.”

Your lips.

“Tuesday.”

Your neck.

“Wednesday and Thursday.”

Your breasts.

“Friday.”

Your tummy.

“Saturday.”

Your thighs.

“And Sunday.”

Your clit.

“You remember how we used to party on the weekends, right Sunny?”

You inadvertently let out a giggle seeing him smirk at you that mischievously.

“Let’s see if I remember it correctly,” Minho got comfortable between your legs, “This spot is for sucking.”

He wrapped his plush lips around your clit and sucked on it with a barely there pressure just to tease you. He knew it would never be enough even if he kept this up for hours.

“This spot is for kissing.”

He moved right under your clit and kept placing feathery kisses on the area. He was slowly pushing you towards the very edge of impatience and he loved the way you kept flinching under him. 

“And this spot is for licking.”

Then he slithered down to your oozing entrance and started to lick into you with intermittent kisses. Just like on the nights you made up after a huge fight.

“Ah, Min…”

“Call me your baby again,” he spoke quietly into your pussy but you could feel his words inside you, “Call me baby like you used to.”

His way of passionately apologizing to you over and over again. He was drawing little suns and crescent moons on your pussy with his tongue, hoping you would recognize them. Hoping you would accept them as tokens of how sorry he was.

“Fucking god, your taste,” he contorted his face in absolute delight, “You taste better than the rarest delicacies, Sunny.” 

He put your hands on his head for you to guide him, wrapped his hands around your thighs, and started a heavy makeout session with your cunt. The feeling was so intense that your eyes rolled back.

“I’ve kicked several addictions so far, but this? I’m never getting sober,” he wiped his chin smeared with your arousal and sucked on his finger, “I’m addicted to you. Down bad. Always have been.”

He gently slipped two fingers inside and started massaging that spot right behind your clit. Your moans were slowly transforming from quiet little staccatos to dragged-out sounds of pleasure as if you were belting a note.

“Better, right?”

“Much better,” you tugged on his moist locks, “God, you’re fucking amazing with those fingers, baby. You’re… You’re so… Oh, fuck!”

Minho was never able to control how he reacted to you whenever you praised him in bed for any reason. He was in dire withdrawal as it was as it had been such a long time since you showered him with compliments. You might have said one word, but it still automatically awakened Minho’s beast mode because if there was one thing he loved more than anything, it was competing with himself. In any capacity. His fingering got a little faster, and he alternated between sucking and licking long drags on your pussy until you came all over his fingers. He licked them clean and crawled on top of you to kiss you with his cum-stained lips.

Once you gathered your wits again, you laid Minho down and hovered over him. You kissed him with the very same days of the week. His scars. His tattoos. Like you were accepting his apologies. Like you were accepting him for who he was. He kept wincing under you in pleasure and tried to catch a glimpse of your face as you made your way down.

“You remember how we used to fuck for hours on Sunday mornings, right Min?”

You worshipped his abdomen just the way he liked it, touching and placing wet kisses all over. His large hands were caressing your hair as he watched you with his head tilted, dying of anticipation of the moment your lips would finally meet where he needed you the most. Minho loved the prelude, always had, and his breathing was much faster already. 

“Should I go further down?” you teased him by kissing his crotch, “Should I?”

“Don’t make me beg!”

You would, but maybe some other time. You took his flushed cock in your mouth and started blowing him as slowly as possible. Deep. To taste his essence rather than pleasure him. All of a sudden, it felt like he was never gone, and this was just another night in your bed you were spending together until the faint blue lights of daybreak told you to stop fucking and go to sleep.

Even after all this time, I still love you.

Minho didn’t rush you. He was so scared you would come to your senses and leave him all alone for good that he couldn’t even move. 

He wasn’t about to mess it all up again.

“I’m right here”, you held his hands to reassure him, “I’m right here, Min. I’m not going anywhere.”

Once you said that, all the muscles he was unknowingly clenching loosened and he relaxed into the pillow, completely letting go and just relishing the feeling of you around him. He was getting dangerously close to his release, but that wasn’t a part of his plan.

“Don’t!” he stopped you when you started choking on him, “Don’t make me cum. Not yet.”

When you let go of his cock with a loud pop, Minho immediately sat up and pulled you in for a deep kiss. His tongue still tasted like you in your mouth.

“Beg, baby,” you scratched right under his chin, “Beg to fuck me. Beg for me.”

“Let me make it up to you,” he brushed your hair away from your face, “Let me show you why I’m your other half. Why we belong together. Please.”

“What if I say no?”

“Please, baby,” Minho pleaded with his lips on your neck again, “Let me fuck you. Let me fuck you deep. Let me fly us both. Let me drive both of us crazy right here right now. You know I can.”

If Minho’s weakness were your praises, then yours was his relentless begging. You were ready to spread your legs for him four sentences ago, but what fun would it be if he didn’t turn into an utterly desperate lover so eager to please? You placed your hands around his neck and harshly pulled him down with you, signaling him you were ready.

“Oh fuck, you still feel like heaven inside,” Minho took deep breaths as he carefully settled inside you, “You still fit around me so snugly.”

How full he made you feel inside every single time was insane. No matter how much he stretched you, no matter how wet you were for him, it didn’t matter. The second he started moving inside you, that feeling was so intense that your eyes rolled back with a loud moan.

“You still react the same to me, Sunny,” he chewed on his lips and picked up his pace just a measure, “Does it still feel as good, baby? Do you like the pressure?”

You slammed your hands on his hips and groped him for how overwhelmed you were with pleasure.

“God, it feels much better than I remember!”

“Wrap your legs around me. Let me go deeper.”

When you did as he said, Minho was able to angle himself properly to reach a critical spot inside you.

“Fuck, that’s deep!”

“I know how my girl likes it. I know all your hotspots,” he maniacally smiled, “I know how exactly you like to cum like the back of my hand.”

“Getting cocky there a bit?”

“Tell me if this rings a bell,” he continued to fuck you deep but now with slower thrusts, “Folds teased until you’re rabid. Pussy fingered and clit sucked until it’s numb in my mouth. Breasts fondled. Thighs kissed. Legs massaged with my cum as your aromatherapy oils.”

You involuntarily groaned at how fucking brazen he was being with you. Minho grabbed both of your hands and pinned them right above your head.

“Then it’s my turn, and I fucking drill you into this mattress like my personal pornstar, and you take it like the good girl you are. Sound familiar?” he started moving with sharper, more precise thrusts, “Do you deny any of this? Do you deny that I know how to fuck you just right?” 

“Min, please!”

“I’m made for you, baby. Don’t you ever forget it,” he unleashed himself on your lips like a starving predator.

All that filled that dark room for a while was both your muffled moans melting into each other as well as the obscene sounds of skin against skin and lewd squelches coming from sopping wet cunt.

“Listen to you. Fucking dripping,” Minho sharply hissed, “Go ahead baby, you can soak me more. Don’t be shy.”

“Fucking– Just– Fuck, you’re– How d– oh my GOD!”

“Aww, I know baby, I know,” he placed an unnecessarily chaste kiss on your forehead, “Getting fucked by your man so good you can’t even talk properly. Am I doing that good of a job pleasuring you?” 

“You’re doing perfect, baby.”

“Am I still your good boy, Sunny?”

“Keep talking like that and I’m gonna fucking sink my teeth into you!”

“I dare you to bite me.”

You could try to wriggle away all you wanted but Minho’s grip on you was like a deadbolt. You weren’t able to move an inch. He slowed way down and watched the way he disappeared into you while biting his lips so hard they were about to bleed.

“See? See how it slides right in? I turn you on so bad you can’t help getting wetter,” he shoved a couple of fingers inside your mouth to suck on, “Night after night, I dreamed of this. You. Getting so fucking wet around me that I have no choice but to cum.”

You weren’t able to talk anymore, but what you really wanted to do didn’t require any words anyway. You swirled your tongue around his fingers and looked at him so desperately that there was no way he wasn’t going to react to this.

“Don’t look at me like that with those begging eyes, or I swear to god I’ll breed the shit out of you,” he landed a light smack on your thigh and took his fingers out, “And you best believe it’s going to hold. Your walls are so swollen already.”

“All talk no play. You’d fucking better finish inside,” you rattled him, “My pussy’s too pretty not to be eaten or creampied, and that’s a fact.”

“Yes, it is. It fucking is. It deserves to be creampied first and then eaten,” he threw his head back in absolute ecstasy, “And you already know I swallow.”

Minho channeled all his focus on that particular spot inside you that you liked so much. The curvature of his cock was aligned just right to end you.

“Now let me hit that exactly the way you like it.”

He buried himself into you to the hilt. Once he bottomed out, he pushed a little more forward and started hitting that spot hard in a staccato rhythm like a pulse, never once pulling back.

“Oh, FUCK YOU!”

“Right there, isn’t it? You love getting this spot fucked,” he was more than satisfied watching what he was able to do to you, “God, you’re literally ascending.”

It was only at that moment did Minho realize one of the closet doors to the left side of him was plated with a mirror. Once he caught a glimpse of the two of you in the frame, he throbbed hard inside you.

“Oh, jesus fucking christ!” he turned your attention to the same destination, “Nobody can ever do it like us, baby. Look how fucking hot we are.”

Minho being his otherworldly sexy self, fucking the life out of you like there was no tomorrow was already enough to blow your mind, but when you actually saw yourself getting fucked…

You could literally feel yourself excessively oozing.

“Soaking the sheets, huh?” he contently chuckled at the trail you were leaving under you, “Time for my girl to give it to me good, then.”

He swiped his thumb on his tongue and started going to work on your clit. While you thought the level of eroticism was going to end you, it suddenly became…

Something else.

“I belong right here, Sunny. Don’t ever leave me without you,” he started going harder, “I’m begging you. Please.”

You held him by his waist and pulled him for a kiss with your arms around his neck. You were both clearly so overwhelmed by your emotions. It was never just lust with Minho. Every time you fucked, it felt like a reaffirmation, a renewal of promises between you. You had badly broken and bruised each other once upon a time but at the end of the day…

“It’s you,” he spoke into his mouth breathlessly, “It’s always been you. You own my heart, Min.”

If you kept talking, he was for sure going to be moved to tears. Minho suddenly stopped and rested his back against the headboard, promptly making you straddle him to pick up where he left off.

“I’ve always loved you, Sunny. I always will,” he rolled his hips into you, “Tell me you love me, baby.”

“Even after all this time,” you moved away the locks of his hair covering his eyes, “I still love you, Min. I love you to the moon and back.”

To the moon and back.

To the moon.

Your Moony.

Minho finally lost all control and started fucking into you so fervently that it was impossible for you to endure that pressure.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“Again, baby.”

“I love you, Min.”

“Oh, fuck, I’m about to cum!”

He gently pushed your chest back to make room for his thumb and started rubbing you frantically. The second you contracted hard around him with that high-pitched moan, Minho let go and came really fucking hard as if he was having a spasm. He came so much and it was so wet between your legs that you didn’t know which of those drops belonged to you and which ones belonged to him.

“Don’t pull out,” you grabbed him by his nape and pulled him closer, “Deeper. Fuck your cum deeper into me.”

“You’re driving me clinically insane,” Minho bit into your lips, and then promptly kissed them along with your cheeks and your forehead, “Just like we always wanted, huh? The best of both worlds.”

You rode out your high in that utter state of bliss and collapsed on top of him, but even in his fucked out state, Minho clung to you like a koala bear. He kissed your shoulders and your neck, wrapped his arms around your waist, and pulled you into his embrace.

“I did miss you so much,” you started playing with his hair once you both calmed down, “But there are some realities we need to talk about.”

“You mean Nari.”

“Yes,” you averted your eyes avert from him, “I can’t just appear in her life just to disappear again, Min.”

“But who says you need to—?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” you interrupted him, “I don’t even know if she would like me.”

“Well, considering she’s growing up with the fairytales I tell her about Sunny the Princess, I think she wouldn’t mind seeing her in the flesh, but I digress.”

“You what?!”

He let out a loud cackle at your reaction and kissed your lips.

“I know the situation is not what we thought it would be, but Nari could be our child, baby. We can give her a baby brother, too,” he pressed your hands on his chest, “I’m ready for this. If you’re also willing, just say the word, and we can have our happily ever after.”

A happily ever after. With Minho. Maybe the means of getting there didn’t really matter after all as long as you got to have it. Nevertheless, it wasn’t a decision about two people’s lives anymore.

“This seems too big of a decision to make overnight.”

“Then tell you what, how about we ease into it?” Minho propped up on his left elbow, “I take you out on a few dates, we fuck on the third date, and if you see a promise by then, you meet her by the tenth date. How does that sound?”

“Damn, tenth?!” you widened your eyes in shock as if Minho just insulted your entire ancestry, “I have to wait that long?”

“She’s hard to get. You can’t just appear in her life just to disappear again.”

You landed a light smack on his arm for mimicking you, but the picture he painted for you was more than fair.

“That sounds lovely.”

You kissed him to your heart’s content to avenge all that time you spent apart. With his eyes closed, Minho’s hands never left your skin as if to make sure that you were indeed real and right next to him, and this wasn’t one of those dreams again.

“I love you, Sunny,” he glided his fingers down your cheek, “You complete me.”

“Even after all this time?”

He flashed a smile so endearing you almost melted into a puddle right then and there.

“Always.”

He wanted to punctuate that moment with a kiss at the expense of getting your lips painfully swollen, but the deeper he kissed you, the more something was awakening in him again. Before you knew it, his hands were slithering down your back and groping your hips.

“Already?” you looked at him all surprised.

“You have no idea about the drought I was in for years, so yes, already,” Minho pulled you under him and trapped you under his frame, “If you fall asleep, I’m fucking you awake tonight.”

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Happy belated anniversary to The Zone.

If you enjoyed this story, feel free to share your thoughts with me in reblogs, tags, or in my inbox. As long as you're kind, that is.

-R. (CB97%)

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[bslrecs]

CONNECTED — (18+!)

❤️ What happens when your best friend asks you to review his nudes? You help him, of course, while being busy ignoring how the pictures make your heart race, how they are intended for someone else and how much you are actually in love with him.

He shifts in his seat, trying to find the words for what he wants to propose next.

No. That’s ridiculous. He can’t ask you that.

But on another note it’s so much for him—riling you up, testing your boundaries, all of that. This could be a win-win situation. Or a lose-lose at worse.

“Could you… maybe review them, like, before I hit send?”

🧂CONTENT INFO: chan x afab reader, non idol au, best friend chan, best friends to lovers, (tiny bit of) angst, smut, fluff, mutual pining, reader is demisexual, topics of online dating and hookup-culture, just a lighthearted little story based on another one of my weird dreams as well as a special thanks to @sstarryoong for helping me and inspiring me with this one 🫶🏻

🍸CONTENT WARNING: jealousy, alcohol consumption, topics of unrequited feelings and insecurity, nudes, short mention about body image and insecurities (all revolving around chan tho), lmk if I forgot something, smut warnings under the cut

🍋WORD COUNT: 6.8K

⛓️SMUT: a little tipsy but consensual sex, dom/sub dynamics, fingering, piv, protected sex (reader is on pill and they are both clean), name calling (baby, doll, babygirl, pretty boy, good girl), choking, slight spit play (I guess?), creampie, praise kink

Warm blueberry chocolate muffins. Staying up late to watch the stars. A trip to the lake to go for a swim once the thermometer reads twenty degrees Celsius. Tequila shots. Dancing to random songs that Spotify recommends to you. Producing songs together. More tequila shots—unfortunately. Netflix nights. Long hugs. Cuddling.

Safety. Comfort. Friendship. A little more than that.

You don’t remember when it happened—you doubt there was a specific day that made you think your feelings developed to something more. There had been no special occasion, no deviating reason in your relationship between him and you to make your heart skip a few too many beats whenever that image of his dimples appears in front of your inner eyes.

But what you do know is that this state hasn’t changed since then. It simply became worse. At first you belittled it, but now you’ve come to the realisation that your heart simply can’t take more than this.

As for him. Well.

Even a blind person could see that he clearly does not return those same feelings towards you. It would have been too perfect to be real, right?

At least these past months he has been crashing himself into one sexual encounter to the next one, trying out every possible dating app as if some company booked him to review them. If they asked you, you would grant this whole scenario one out of five stars—simply because you’re not able to give none!

Back in your first year of college, you met the guy with the many names—Chan, Christopher, Channie (for you and close relatives only), CB (his artist name when it comes to producing), Chris, Crispy and a few more. Sitting next to you in a lecture, he captured your attention from the beginning—his deep brown eyes and, God, that smile. How could you not like him or even fall in love with him?

So, going back to the dating app situation—you’re not surprised how successful he is although you are confused about his sudden interest in hookup-culture. Chan has always told you that he is more of a relationship guy, wanting to cater his partner to their every whim and you wonder if his change in personality is caused by a certain girl he met half a year ago and liked a lot.

Until she ghosted him. Out of the blue.

Chan was heartbroken for a week, five days, thirteen hours and a couple of minutes until the both of you reinstalled that useless app again, creating profiles for each other.

You uninstalled it months ago. A few weeks after you realised that you have feelings for your best friend. Those guys on there were a good distraction in the beginning but either way they were only there for hookups (which you are not interested in) or couldn’t live up to your expectations (because they aren’t Chan).

That’s where you’re left off—painfully in love with your best friend, listening about all the women he’s taking home after a night out without being aware of the damage he does to your stupid little heart. Great.

“They are still warm, be careful.”

Chan takes off his shoes after handing you the paper bag, before he steps into your apartment. His black jacket gets discarded on the coat rack and his eyes are filled with excitement about both the blueberry muffins and the night ahead.

“I made some kimchi ramyeon. We can eat them and have the cake as a dessert after.”

He nods, as he follows you to your little kitchen. The sun is currently setting, shrouding the room in a pretty shade of orange.

“Can you grab two bottles of beer from the fridge? I’ll prepare the couch table,” you ask, busy manoeuvring the steaming pot to the table. You get back to get some additional sides—cucumber salad and radish.

Once everything is set, the both of you start eating and drinking and Chan is once again thankful for the way you’re taking care of him. He’s had some busy work days—as usual—and a little lack of sleep—even more usual—so he couldn’t miss the obligatory Friday evening at your place.

“You would have been a great chef. What a loss,” your best friend compliments you, after finishing his bowl, still busy snacking the side dishes. It puts a smile on your face and heat instantly shoots up to your head.

Some Netflix show is playing in the background—a lighthearted comedy—but you’re not really paying any attention. Your whole fixation lies on the last crumble of your blueberry muffin and the way Chan’s face is glittering, when he takes a bite of his own.

“Excellent,” he hums to himself after finishing his dessert, before he gets up cleans the environment—just to allow the both of you to have enough space for other snacks and drinks.

Your ears witness a vibrating sound in the distance, before Chan plops down on his seat again, the weight of the sofa shifting underneath him.

“Wait a second,” Chan says, as he grabs his device from his jeans pocket. He giggles at the dim lit screen, his dimples very much visible and you feel yourself sink further into the cushion.

“What are you laughing about?”

He chuckles again, typing something before he discards the phone and places it on the couch table.

“Just… It's this girl I went on a date with. She’s texting me and asking for a second one. Guess I am a lucky guy.”

He adds a shy laugh at the end of the sentence, as he looks at you but at the same time doesn’t. You can’t describe the difference—it’s as if you’re clinging onto Chan, deeply staring into his soul, searching for a crumble of hope while he’s already in the next chapter without knowing about the backstory that revolves around your feelings for him.

“Oh, so something serious? I thought you were only hooking up with those girls.”

God, Y/N. Keep it together. Don’t seem suspicious or jealous or any of that kind.

“I am, yeah. But Lavender is a special one.”

Lavender. What a main character name.

“And that thing she does with her tongue… She's amazing but she demands a lot.”

Amazing. Experienced. Mysterious.

How are you supposed to compete with that? If you ever were competing, of course.

This is also information you didn’t need to know. Great. Now there’s a whole cinema going on in your head about her and Chan. Your Chan. Channie.

Fuck.

“She seems like a real dream.”

A whiff of sarcasm slumbers in your words.

God, Y/N. You’re so mature. Fucking mature.

Chan’s focus is on the crisps in front of him, as he shoves the potato snack into his mouth. Those pretty hands. Those plump lips.

God, Y/N. You are a mess. A fucking pathetic mess.

When will this finally stop?

“How is it going for you?” He asks then, out of a sudden but not really.

The crisps are entangled between his fingers before he guards them towards his mouth. How much you wish that were your fingers… or his fingers touching you instead.

Shifting in your position, you concentrate on the show again.

He’s caught you staring at him. Probably. Definitely.

Chan’s gaze is now directed towards you but your own eyes are trying everything to stay fixated on the big screen in front of them. There’s no way you can look at Chan as he talks to you about your pathetic love and sex life. Or love and sex in general.

“Oh, nothing, really.”

“What about that guy from work? Minho, right?”

Minho is a somewhat close friend of yours who is aware about your crush on Chan, since it’s—his words—painfully obvious. He is very much rooting for the both of you and encouraging you to make a first step. Although, a few weeks ago at your boss’s party, when you both found that unattended bottle of high quality vodka and emptied it, it didn’t hold him back from fucking you on your office’s desk.

“There’s nothing going on.”

It was a one time thing. You’re neither into one night stands, friends with benefits nor fucking the company.

“I bet a few shots of tequila will help me find out the truth about him, huh?”

Tequila sounds like the worst idea now and is generally a bad decision even on good days, if you're honest. But bad ideas and decisions are your speciality.

“Okay, let’s go.”

Chan gets up from his seat in an instant. After all, he knows your apartment as well as he knows you—always destined to make you feel like an appreciated guest in your own home. A little later, he comes back with a bottle of the drink du jour, a few slices of lemons (indicating he thought about having more than one this night), a salt shaker and glasses.

He pours the transparent liquid into jars, as you watch the alcohol flood into it, filled to the brim. Handing you one of the glasses, Chan gives you a lemon slice in addition before his fingers grab the shaker.

Guiding your hand towards your face, your tongue glides over your lips before it is ready to wet your skin in order to make sure that the salt will be able to stick there.

“Let me help you, yeah?”

His offer is sudden—so sudden that you’re unable to react, allowing Chan to just do whatever he has planned.

He takes your hand, adding a quick kiss on the back of it before his tongue comes into play—the saliva colliding with your skin sends shivers down your spine.

Fuck.

Why on earth would he do that?!

The atmosphere is filled with sensuality. Your head is spinning without a sip of tequila. The room is shrinking—Chan is so close, dangerously close it makes you feel lightheaded.

But the moment doesn’t last that much longer, as your best friend is already busy sprinkling some salt on the wet spot. He does the same for himself, before the shaker lands on the couch table again with a loud thud.

The lemon pressed between two of your fingers, the shot glass in your other hand, you watch Chan do the same as well.

He looks so hot. So handsome. Pretty. Ethereal. Perfect. Unreal. All of it combined.

He got rid of his oversized hoodie a few minutes ago, as the black shirt is now clinging onto his toned chest—leaving almost nothing to your imagination.

“Cheers, Y/N,” he says and for a moment you believe he is staring into your eyes, almost into your soul.

“Cheers, Channie.”

God. That nickname. Chan would be lying if he said it doesn’t turn him on whenever his ears witness those two soft syllables spilling from your lips.

Those pretty lips.

He wonders if you have let that Minho guy kiss you. If he has flirted with you, maybe even touched you.

But the three course meal, also known as a tequila shot, brings him back to reality.

The same counts for you—just with a little interruption when your tongue collects the salt, reminding you that Chan’s mouth was there mere seconds for you. But the strong alcohol flooding down your throat, warming your stomach and the fresh, sour lemon juice evaporating in your mouth stops those thoughts from running in circles.

Your face slightly scrunches, but not a lot—Chan and you are professionals when it comes to drinking tequila.

“That’s a good one, actually,” Chan says, grabbing the bottle and reading the label attached to it.

“It was a birthday gift from Minho,” you blurt out, not thinking about your words.

Chan places back the tequila, as he nods. Without a word.

“Speaking of,” he continues with a mischevious smirk on his face but he gets interrupted by a vibrating sound coming from his phone.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, “I’ll turn it off.”

But just when he is about to push that little button to get rid of the noises, his eyes spot something interesting that is enlightening on the screen.

“It’s Lavender. I’ll just have a look at what she sent and let her know I’m busy with my bestie, okay?”

You grab your beer, taking a quick sip from it, “Sure.”

You want to be mature. You really want to.

But then again—he licked the back of your hand a moment ago. Out of nowhere. Chan has always been a rather touchy person, but he’s never done something like this before. Of course, a quick kiss on your cheek when saying goodbye or holding hands can definitely be interpreted as platonic as well but what was that?

Although, apart from all the chaos, it has probably been almost a minute since Chan said something. His eyes are still fixated on his phone but his mimic is paralysed, almost, while a pretty shade of red decorates his cheeks. Almost as if he is embarrassed.

You’re unsure if you should say something but quickly decide to do so, just in case that something is wrong or he feels uncomfortable.

“What happened?”

No reaction. But his eyes are now blinking hastily for a few seconds, until they dance around, trying everything to look at neither the chat in front of them nor you, his best friend, waiting for a response.

So, you ask again.

“Chan. What happened? You okay there?”

“I– she sent me a pic… of her boobs.”

Oh. That is an… uncomfortable situation now.

How on earth does one react to that appropriately?

Your best friend—whom you are in love with—gets nudes sent by his current flame—whose name is Lavender and who has a tongue game that is out of this world—while you are both tipsy on tequila and beer.

“So…” You begin, unsure where your words are taking you. “Are you sending a picture back?”

What kind of a question is that, Y/N?!

Why would you ask that?

“Probably a good idea,” he says. “I have… I have some pics but…”

Why is he acting so shy all of a sudden? His face is still tinted in that pinkish tone, as his fingers are fiddling with the bracelet around his wrist.

“What is it? Some dick pic with bad lightning? I’m sure it’ll be fine,” you try to cheer your best friend up, ignoring the stinging pain in your heart. Great. You have now been promoted from total friendzone to wingman.

“No… I don’t do dick pics,” Chan confesses, slipping a cough between his words. “I have some nudes I took a while ago but I am… I am insecure about them.”

“Why would you be insecure?” Your sentence comes off more rude than intended.

“I don’t know… just general insecurities I guess. You know how I am.”

You do know how he is. For you, it’s unbelievable that someone like Chan—the man of your dreams—is insecure about himself. But you’re always there for him, no matter what.

“You work out like almost every day and I have seen you shirtless before”—unfortunately for your mental health and hopeless feelings for him—“so I am sure the pics will get her going.”

He shifts in his seat, trying to find the words for what he wants to propose next.

No. That’s ridiculous. He can’t ask you that.

But on another note it’s so much for him—riling you up, testing your boundaries, all of that. This could be a win-win situation. Or a lose-lose at worse.

“Could you… maybe review them, like, before I hit send?”

The earth stops at this moment, you are sure, and for a second you wonder how far objects will get thrown considering physics, as your head is trying to remember the formula for the braking distance.

But nothing happens. A few seconds later, Chan is still sitting next to you, phone in his hand and his cheeks not as red anymore. He must have gained some confidence.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Chan…”

It’s not. You know that. But you’re also tipsy and desperate to find out what he looks like under all those baggy clothes.

And since you’re so deep in the friendzone and will probably never be able to see him like this anyway, things suddenly lose their importance.

“Why? Afraid to fall in love with me?”

If that boy only knew how true his words are…

“She’s your girlfriend and those photos should be for her eyes only,” you argue, trying to let that logical part of your brain gain the upper hand in the chaos that’s going on inside your head.

“Those are pictures of my body, I can show them to whoever I like as long as the other person is alright with it. It’s not like I’m showing you the pics of her boobs she sent me.”

Great. Fortunately he doesn’t do it—this would only make you even more insecure. And a shitty move, since Lavender sent him the pictures privately but Chan knows that. He’s not an asshole.

“Besides that, she isn’t my girlfriend,” he adds then.

“Not yet…”

Your best friend lets out a deep sigh, before his eyes find yours that are escaping his gaze. “Why are you so… bitchy?”

You scoff, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“I—wha– I am bitchy?”

“Yeah. You,” he spits, imitating your posture.

You’ve had enough of his games. You’re aware he is doing all this to get some reaction out of it. That’s just how he is. Unbelievable that this guy is twenty five years old when he behaves like a teenager around you.

So, you reach towards him, the palm of your hand directed towards the ceiling, “For fuck’s sake. Show me the pics so you can finally send them.”

But for Chan it’s not game over yet. He’s in a playful mood, thanks to you, and the night has just begun.

“Five thousand won each,” he says, as he starts scrolling through the gallery on his phone.

“Who’s the cheap bitch now, huh?” You counter, joining his game.

“I’ve never called you cheap, baby.” Chan explains, his gaze switching towards you for a second, before his eyes focuse on his phone again until he finds what he has been looking for—all whilst you’re trying to ignore the nickname and the effect it has on you.

“Here, you can see them for free.”

You’re hesitant. This will definitely have an impact on the relationship between the both of you.

“Are you sure?”

“One hundred percent.”

So, you follow his order and reach for his device—hands shaky and you hope he doesn’t notice.

The first picture that he shows you is very harmless but Chan prepared them in a specific order, just for you. He’s sitting on a chair in front of a mirror, shirtless, black skinny jeans glued to his legs, some red heart shaped handcuffs attached to the loops where a belt is supposed to be.

His hands look so good, the veins seem to be popping out of his strong arms. The disheveled hair adds to it—leaving you already weak in the knees.

“A… A good start,” you murmur. “Your hands look big in this… like… they could–“ You stop yourself before it’s too late.

Get yourself together, for fuck’s sake.

Chan catches up on your reaction, deciding to provoke you more.

“You know what else is big?”

“Chan– what–“

“My feet.”

That bastard. He chuckles at your annoyed reaction then, before he tells you to swipe to the next picture.

He is on his bed in this one—a normal picture, no mirror selfie. Well. Normal is relative here.

Shirtless again, only in his underwear, he is playing with the hem of the fabric—a seductive look on his face that would be hella cringe if it wasn’t Chan.

“This one is great,” you say, almost inaudible but Chan catches it. You, however, don’t notice how his tongue pokes the inside of his cheeks.

“Swipe another time.”

You do what he says and your eyes are greeted with a similar one. It’s the same scene, but this time those fingers crawled further south, palming his cock through the boxers.

God. You’re already wet. Just from those photos and the thoughts they are creating in your head. This is embarassing. Fucking embarrassing. No one has ever made you feel this way.

“This… is my favourite,” you confess.

“Yeah? Is it?” Chan plays with you, looking for extra recognition from you.

“Hm. You should send that one to her,” you say, handing him back his phone after a last glimpse at that masterpiece of a body he has.

“It’s the right amount of seductive without going all in so you leave a little bit to the imagination and the conversation will keep going.”

Chan places the phone on the couch table, screen facing the wooden furniture.

“Y/N,” he sighs then. “This isn’t about Lavender anymore. Forget about her.”

“What do you m-mean?” You stutter.

Your mind is running around, head dizzy, knees giddy and you have trouble keeping your eyes directed to his.

But Chan makes sure you’re looking at him, as he catches your chin between his fingers, squishing your cheeks a bit in the process.

“Did you fuck him?”

“Who?”

He clicks his tongue. “That Minho guy from work.”

You giggle, embarrassed and caught. You have a feeling he can already tell, anyway.

“Chan… I…Yeah. Once,” you decide to confess now, unsure where it will take this conversation.

“Hm, I see. I see.” Your best friend says, disconnecting his fingers from your face, just to bring them down to your thighs, softly brushing over your sweatpants.

“Did you think about me while having his cock inside you?”

“What on earth?!”

He leaves you speechless. Even more than before and you’re entering a state of trance by now—with the word he uses, with his gaze practically pinning you down onto the sofa and his skin touching your soft flesh.

Especially when he speaks again.

“I’m just asking because I sometimes think about you when I’m with other people.”

Your face falters, muscles loosening before they’re tense again.

“What are you saying?”

Chan scoots closer.

“I am saying, doll, that you can stop hiding behind that layer of jealousy. We both are insecure fools.”

No.

Never.

This can’t be real.

Pinch yourself. Quickly. Wake up from this dream. Now.

“Why do you think I have been hooking up with those girls, huh? To distract myself from you, from the fact I want to be with my best friend.”

This needs to stop or else your heart will explode.

“Chan… I was about to finally be over you. Why are you saying all this shit?!”

He scoffs then, grabbing your face again, until he is even closer to you.

“Because it’s the truth and if you ask me, I’d rather have you under me than over me.”

“That’s the tequila talking. Let’s just forget about this,” you try to bring him back to reality while trying not to faint in his hold.

Those hands. Those pretty hands holding your face. You’re gonna melt and turn into a puddle at any second—similar to that wet patch in your underwear…

“It’s not,” he replies in a strict voice. “The alcohol is just giving me confidence. I mean what I say.”

This is it, as it seems.

All or nothing.

But something tells you, the both of you are not on the same page yet.

What if he’s just interested… sexually? Your poor heart could never handle it. At this point it would be better to just stay friends than have a benefits situation or whatever.

You have to come clear about this first, even if this might kill the mood and your whole relationship itself.

“But still… I-I can’t do this—I can’t do those one time things like you, I am already emotionally attached to you on a way too high level a-and–“

“Hey, baby, shh, slow down, okay?”

Chan softly strokes your cheek, before he applies the same movement on your head, grazing over your hair.

“What do you want to tell me, Y/N? I promise, it will be fine, okay?”

“Promise?”

“Promise, darling,” he reassures you.

Those dark brown eyes. Those dark brown eyes staring into your own. Hypnotising you. Enchanting you with a spell of love.

“I… I don’t know when it happened a-and this doesn’t even matter but… I am in love with you, Chan. I have feelings that I am not supposed to have about my best friend and i-it’s killing me.”

His face softens, getting filled with empathy and relief.

“Baby…” He uses that nickname again, this time not casually, as he really means it and everything that follows.

“We both aren’t just insecure but mostly dumb fools. I'm in love with you, too. I thought it was obvious for the longest time.”

Relief washes over your whole body now, too.

“Can I… kiss you?”

Of course, you hastily nod, allowing him to seal your lips with his own.

Those plump lips. Those plump lips finally laying against your own, connected like opposite magnets, destined to stick together. As if he was meant for you. As if your mouth’s purpose is to dance with his lower lip getting caught between his teeth as you allow him to guide you through the rough movements.

You don’t care that it’s instantly turning so steamy—you’ve waited long enough for this and the fact Chan is so eager, just for you, is the reason the first suppressed little moan escapes out of you.

“You sound so pretty, baby…”

Heat rushes to your head at the compliment but this doesn’t stop you from crashing your lips onto his again, this time opening your mouth a little more, so Chan’s tongue can slip inside—entangled with your own, fighting for dominance.

“Are you sure you want this… while being tipsy?” Chan wants to make sure again, as he lets go of you for a second. He knows, if he goes any step further, he won’t be able to hold himself back anymore. This is all he’s been dreaming of.

“Yes,” you reassure him. “I’ve wanted this for so long and besides that I’m not that tipsy anymore.”

“Same here.”

“Another round, then?”

He cockingly clicks his tongue again, “Only under one condition.”

“What exactly?”

His fingers brush over your thighs first, before they leave your body and pour the tequila into both glasses. He hands you both the transparent objects, as you try your best to not spill any of the liquid. Chan takes two slices of lemons in his hand, before he corrects his posture.

“Get on top of me and drink my shot for me, before I do.”

Oh.

Oh.

Once the words and their meaning register in your head, you can already feel your underwear sticking to your wetness.

“Okay. Make yourself comfortable then, pretty boy.”

His eyes widen at your sudden dominant demeanour but Chan welcomes it, instantly following your orders.

You crawl on top of his lap, pinning him underneath you, your thighs next to him.

“Your shot first, love.”

Love.

Why out of all the nicknames is this one your favourite?

“I need salt, Channie.”

The boy gets the hint, grabbing the shaker and laying it beside him so he is able to hold your hand like he did earlier. His tongue connects with your skin again, leaving a wet patch on there, before he adds a little bit of salt on it.

“Cheers, Y/N.”

“Cheers.”

The salt hits your tongue first, sliding down your throat along with the liquor and Chan is fast to guide the lemon slice towards your mouth, as you bite into it. This time your face stays still—no sign of reaction to the strong alcohol.

“You’re so fucking hot.”

You get a bit shy when he compliments you, but Chan simply kisses those insecurities away. He can taste the tequila and citrus fruit on your tongue—excited for the new experience ahead of him.

“Let me help you with the salt this time,” you offer, grabbing his hand with your free one, as you realise how small your own looks in his. Placing a soft kiss on the back first, you lick over his smooth skin, just enough for the salt to stick there.

Chan believes he might cum in his pants at that slightest touch of your tongue.

Grabbing the shaker next, you apply a little bit to his hand.

“Cheers, Channie.”

“Cheers.”

While he is busy aligning his tongue with the salty, wet spot on the back of his hand, you drink the other shot but without swallowing it. The liquor burns on your tongue but you adore the taste—it reminds you of your best friend turned lover, after all.

Adjusting your position, your face gets closer to his, as you watch him part his lips. When you slightly open your mouth, just enough to allow the liquid to escape, the tequila lands on his tongue and Chan is fast to let it flood down his throat. He brings the lemon to his teeth next, biting into the slice.

No sign of reaction either on his face.

“Fuck. You’re so hot, too.”

He smiles at your compliment, dearly, before his mouth finds your own again, continuing with the kisses. God, his lips feel heavenly against your own.

It doesn’t take the both of you long to enter the next steamy make out session, as you’re already slowly grinding over his crotch—feeling him hardening underneath you with every touch.

“Fuck, don’t stop, baby,” Chan moans against your lips. His hand creeps upwards, softly brushing your cheeks, before it changes its course. Seizing around your throat now, he applies light pressure to the sides, listening to the quiet grunts slipping out of you.

So helpless. Just how he’s always imagined you.

“What a pretty necklace,” he chuckles, watching the way his fingers are attached to your neck like a beautiful accessory. He knows exactly that’s what you wanted to say when looking at that first picture of his.

You kiss a path downwards now, your lips hovering over and sucking on his skin everywhere—his cheeks, under his ear, his jawline, his neck, his collarbone, until they hit the barrier of the fabric glued to his upper body.

“Off, Channie, off with it,” you demand, grabbing the hem of his shirt.

“Baby, patience. Or do you need me to teach you a lesson first, huh?”

Fuck. Now is the moment you might faint for real. Your underwear has been glued to your heat for the past hour now, your pussy desparate to witness the touch of his pretty fingers.

“N-No.”

“Then be a good girl and let me make you feel good first, yeah?”

You instantly nod, allowing him to create a pretty artwork on your jawline, before he passes the hand around your throat, quickly disconnecting it so he’s able to shove your shirt over your head first. You’re left in your bra and Chan decides to get rid of this piece of clothing next, as the fabrics land somewhere on the floor.

Feeling his hands on your breasts next, you let your head fall back in pleasure. He kisses a line down your upper body, stopping just above your belly button. Chan’s pretty hands crave something more and he is confident to get it, as he starts playing with the hem of your sweatpants, his gaze finding your own.

“Can I…?”

“Yes, please. I need you.”

That’s all it takes for him to slip his hand inside, his fingers now captured between the thick fabric and your lingerie. He brushes over the wet spot next, chuckling against your skin when he finds you drenched. Soaked. Everything.

“So desperate for me, yeah?”

“Hmm,” you hum, once he starts stroking your clothed pussy. The anticipation is killing you by now and Chan can tell, clearly.

So, he decides to save you from the torture he’s been putting you through, as he shoves the material aside. Two of his fingers part your fold, grazing over the sensitive bud next. He starts with slow, circling motions, making sure to leave you impatient and eager for more.

You balance your body by placing your hands on his shoulders, but soon your upper body falls forward, as you pull Chan into a hug—your tits now directly in front of his face, he makes sure to grant them a little attention as well, his tongue mimicking the motions of his two fingers inside your pants.

“Fuck– feels so good… need more, Channie.”

He follows your orders in an instant, slipping one finger into your aching hole. Your walls immediately start clenching around him, hugging him so perfectly when he adds another one—then, Chan pulls them out, just to push them into your wetness again a second later.

“I will have to stretch you a bit more, love. So you’ll be able to take me, yeah?”

Goosebumps run all over your body, your heart racing in a marathon by now. His fingers continue pounding in and out of you, his tongue is still making out with your hardened bud, the other hand busy massaging your other tit. For a second you think he is suffocating—but Chan truly seems to enjoy making you feel good.

At least, that’s what his moans against your skin tell you. It’s as if he’s diving into you, exploring every cell of your body, worshiping you how you truly deserve to be treated.

“Channie– can’t w-wait, need you inside of me.”

“Begging for my cock now, are we?”

You hastily nod, sneaking a hand between your legs as you find his covered crotch, palming him through the fabric.

“Hm. Can I taste you?”

Chan is dying to have your tongue flat against his shaft, your mouth waiting to be used for his pleasure only, as he’s rutting his hips into you—but this wish has to wait for another time.

“Next time, baby. Need to be inside your pussy for now, okay?”

Next time.

“Yeah, please. Anything.”

Chan absolutely adores it—his best friend who’s usually not that open about anything sexual due to their preferences, being completely eager for him and him only. He seems to be the happiest man on this whole fucking planet.

So, he quickly slips his fingers out of you. Coated in your slick, he brings them to your mouth and you instantly get the hint as you part your lips for him. Pushing them inside, Chan watches you grab him by his wrist, while your tongue circles around his digits, licking off your own juices.

When your lips meet his again, joining in a kiss, he moans into your mouth, “You taste so fucking good, doll.”

You smile against him, your hands simultaneously fumbling with the belt of his jeans—some moments later, the fabric gets pulled down his legs, leaving him in his underwear. Stained in precum, you notice the little wet patch covering the tip of his hardened cock.

You start palming him again, before you decide to get rid of the underwear as well.

Oh.

Oh.

You do know now what else is big.

It takes you less than another minute to strip down the remaining clothes on your body.

“Condom?” Chan asks, as you get back into your seat—his lap.

“I am on the pill and I am clean,” you tell him, positioning your arms on his shoulders.

“Me too. Never had sex without a condom before and also got tested recently.”

“Great… since I need you raw, Channie.”

Time stops for a second, a minute, an hour. Chan is convinced of that when he gets aware of the words coming from your sweet voice.

“Say that again,” he whispers. “What do you need?”

“N-Need you to make me feel good,” you reply. Grabbing his hardened length, you gently start stroking him before you guide his tip just right underneath your entrance.

“A bit more, doll. I know you can do that.”

But you don’t glide down on him yet. It’s finally your time to get the upper hand in this game as well. Instead, you—painfully slowly—let his tip brush over your clit, completely underestimating the effect it has on you.

“I– I need your cock inside me– need you to stretch and fill me…”

He catches your face between his fingers, letting you switch your gaze from where your bodies meet to his eyes again.

“Say please and I’m all yours, baby.”

He’s gonna be the death of you.

“Please, Channie.”

“Good girl, even better.”

And that’s when you finally slide down, starting with just the tip—everything else is quite overwhelming considering how big he is and, on the other hand, how tight you are.

“Let me do that, yeah?” He tells you then. Chan is gripping your hips now, lifting you up and changing your position in one swift motion. Now underneath him, you stare up at him with awaiting eyes, drunk on love and anticipation.

“I’ll take care of you and your pretty pussy, okay? Just let me do the work. Is that alright with you, love?”

Spreading your legs for him, you invite him between them and Chan instantly gets the hint.

“Channie, please. Just fuck me already.”

He chuckles, as he aligns his tip with your glistening cunt again, before he pushes the tip inside. You halt in place, squirming in discomfort and Chan’s eyes instantly meet your own, searching for any second guesses.

“Keep going, please. I’m getting used to it, I promise.”

That’s what he does and it’s just a matter of seconds that this pain turns into pleasure, satisfying pleasure, when he bottoms you out completely. It’s not only the length but also the girth of his cock that is stretching you so deliciously, it makes you roll your eyes to the back of your head, close to seeing shooting stars—all while he hasn’t even started fucking you yet.

So, he starts moving, deciding for a steady pace in the beginning, until your moans, cries and chants of his name demand more and he is happy to grant you that wish. Pounding into your heat at a much faster speed now, Chan’s hand finds your throat again, bringing back that prettiest necklace.

“You’re so good at t-this, Channie… so big… feels so good inside me,” you blurt out, eyes shut by now.

Chan manages to catch your attention, when he puts a quick kiss on your cheek while placing his hand on your lower stomach. You follow his gesture, looking right at that spot.

“You see that bulge here, hm? We’re made for each other, love.”

Placing both your legs over his shoulders, he is now able to fit more of his length into your cunt. With this new angle, his cock oh so slightly brushes over that sweet spot inside you with every thrust he adds, bringing you to the finishing straight of that high you are craving so desperately.

Chan notices it, of course—your fucked out visage and the way your gripping his muscular arms is enough evidence he needs to realise you’re far gone, completely ruled by his touch and, God, how much he enjoys that view. That satisfied smile on your face, the way you’re crying out his name like a mantra and the look of your pretty tits bouncing to the same rhythm as his hips colliding with your ass and the back of your upper thighs.

Your body is a real masterpiece and you’re finally his.

“Channie– close, can’t– please.”

Some mindless babbling, undefinable words but enough to indicate that you’re close to your orgasm.

“Come on. Be a good girl and cream all over my cock, yeah?”

As if he’s pushed a magical button on you, your body follows his words. The sensation of your climax washes all over your body, spreading through your veins and blinding your vision for a second.

“Fucking good girl… just like that. All for me.”

Chan helps you through your orgasm, desperately chasing his own high which seems to be getting easier and easier with every thrust, judging his sloppy movements.

And the way your walls clench around him, hugging his cock so deliciously—there’s no way he will be able to withstand that feeling any longer.

“Channie,” you moan out, dizzy and satisfied, “inside me, please. Mark me as yours, hm?”

You’re gonna be the death of him.

That’s what he does—a few last thrusts and he’s shooting his hot seeds inside you, filling you to the brim with his juices, while your name spills from his mouth as if it’s the only word he’s ever known.

“So full, babygirl, full of my cum. All of it,” he says, once he’s coming down from his high, before he captures your lips with a kiss.

“That was… perfect,” you confess.

“The best, baby. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Channie.”

AUTHOR’S NOTE: thank you for reading this silly little lighthearted fic ❤️ if you enjoyed it, please consider reblogging it and sharing your thoughts with me—there are no limits, from keyboard smashes to long essays, every kind comment is dearly appreciated and the number one motivation for authors to keep going. I also have a kofi, in case you want to support me. Please don’t ever feel obliged to do so, however, I would be very grateful about it. But again, comments and reblogs are just as fine. Thank you for considering all this and have a nice day!

TAGLIST: @heelover5 @chimmycupcake @avyskai @chrissybang @svintsandghosts @hwan-g @straywrds @abiaswreck @thisisnotstraight88 @jeyelleohe @skzho @streetlight-s @knowleeknow @sstarryoong @mistlitmoonlight @alyszaen @yoonguurt

© j-0ne25 2023 | copying, translating or stealing my work is prohibited

[bslrecs]

wow I absolutely cried.

BEAUTIFUL STRANGER

CHAPTER [I] of FREEZE [18+!]

“For someone who hates me with all this passion, you’ve got a lot of expectations related to me.”

He smirks again, “Who has ever said that I hated you?”

“Let me think,” you begin, “you have constantly annoyed me and called me names since I became a part of this friend group.”

“I’ve never meant to be mean to you,” Hyunjin says, aligning his lips with your ear as his voice turns into a whisper, “I was just mad about the fact you chose the wrong guy.”

❄️ SYNOPSIS: Sure, going on a vacation trip with your closest friends while pretending you're still with your ex boyfriend to not ruin the weekend is already a dumb idea. But do you know what's even dumber? Yes, allowing your enemy and academic rival to make you forget about your past relationship when he has you right underneath him.

🦋 CONTENT INFO: hyunjin x afab reader, changbin x afab reader, enemies to lovers, enemy hyunjin, ex boyfriend changbin, rebound au, college au, angst/smut/fluff, kinda 'only one bed' trope, reader has anxiety disorder and is in therapy, they are flawed characters and you should keep that in mind, warnings and smut tags under the cut

📘 WORD COUNT: 16.1K

🌌 CONTENT WARNING: mental health topics such as anxiety disorder, insecurities, description of anxiety and panic attacks, alcohol consumption, jealousy, mention of cheating, implied toxic relationship

💦 SMUT WARNING: dom/sub dynamics, fingering, oral (f receiving), piv, slight degradation, spanking, slight spit play, name calling (doll, baby, slut, sweetheart)

🧊 SPOTIFY PLAYLIST

The characters do not portray any of the skz members in real life, the names are just used for fiction. Minors do not interact, this post contains mature topics. By reading you consent to nswf content and agree that you have read all the warnings above carefully.

The butterfly effect.

A chaos theory claiming small things in life, which seem absolutely meaningless, have non-linear consequences and can cause drastic incidents.

Just like one beat of a butterfly’s wing can create a tornado.

Exactly like karma works—your tiniest decisions in your past brought you to this place and made you the person you are today.

Unlike the domino effect, which states that pushing one stone leads to the downfall of all your built up figures, the butterfly theory on the contrary concentrates on non-linear, non predictable aftermaths.

Never underestimate small decisions again. Some systems are very sensitive. You don’t want to mess with invisible chains.

Everything happens for a reason. Every person, every little thing, every move is in interaction with one another.

With this being said, remember all your acts have influence on any other living being in this universe too. Forecasting the future is not possible for humankind. We never know what other people have been through, what led them to make decisions they made. Choose your words and actions wisely. On one hand everything matters, on the other hand nothing is important at all. 

❄️

If you could give that day a review on Google, you would complain about the fact that one out of five stars is still way too positive.

Everything went wrong. Absolutely everything.

It all started when you managed to not only sleep through one or two alarms, not three or four but five in total since your phone died some time during the night. Well, this is what happens when you forget to charge it.

So, as it seemed, you would have totally gotten late to your university class. Maybe five minutes if you didn’t put any effort in your outfit or fifteen if you did. Yes, this isn’t the end of the world and your professor is both really kind and mostly late themselves but anxiety just took over you. There’s no way you were gonna be able to enter a room with thirty five pairs of eyes staring holes into your head.

That’s why you decided to not go at all.

Was this bad for your academic accomplishments?

Definitely.

Was it better for your mental health?

Well… maybe. At least in that moment.

But not when your psychological issues become the cause for your college issues and the endless cycle of disaster starts running like a ferris wheel at high speed.

To somehow handle your guilty conscience that slowly started eating you up from the inside, you chose to still get up and head to campus, working on some other tasks instead.

The first few stops on your bus’ route were as calm as usual since your apartment building is located in an outer part of the city—turning every ride to campus into a world trip. That’s why you didn’t think anything bad when two older men stumbled into the vehicle, severly intoxicated and obnoxiously loud that all the few people inside the bus granted them their whole attention. Of course, without being too obvious.

Absolutely shit-faced, they kept walking and dancing through the aisle, getting dangeoursly close to you and just when the driver steered to get on the main road, one of them almost tripped. He could catch himself at the last second but in the process of saving his ass, half of the liquids of his opened beer can spilled all over your shirt.

That’s when a wave of shock and angst washed over you like it usually does in situations like this. It was something that couldn’t be calculated, something you didn’t expect and since neither of the other guests inside the bus said anything, you unfortunately remained silent, too. You wished you were tougher, braver, more confident to react the way you should, how it would be appropriate and deserved. But you can’t.

Your brain solely entered survival mode, focusing on the way your heart beats out of your chest and your lungs constrict, unable to transfer any air.

At least your anxiety attack was able to tell you that you reached the central train station—where you’re supposed to transfer and catch your connection—so you took your bag, pushed some other people and those men away in order to get to the exit. The bus came to a halt and you were the first to rush out at lightning speed, bumping into another person that probably was waiting to get into the vehicle that you just left.

You took a step back.

That's when you first looked into his eyes. Those dark, mesmerising eyes. 

It was at this moment that you knew you were doomed.

Hwang Hyunjin.

A singular beat of a beautiful butterfly’s wing—destined to turn into a tempestuous hurricane just for you.

Standing there in the pouring rain, his wet hair stuck to his face. It was cut short back then, bleached and dyed in a silvery shade. Nothing similar to the long, black strands he has nowadays.

He was wearing the dark leather jacket he still wears as if it’s glued to his figure. It was the same model, maybe even the exact same jacket you see him in all the time.

“Watch out where you’re going.”

Those were his words back then. His nose was twitching when he smelled the beer scent but for some reason he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. It probably wasn’t his intention for the sentence to come out that harsh—but that’s just how Hyunjin has always been. Overly dramatic, thinking with his emotions instead of his brain.

And maybe that was what broke the camel’s back.

You can’t even recall how it happened but the tears were already streaming down your cheeks, becoming one with the rain drops falling onto your heated skin. It was just too much. You’ve always been one to cry in public, not quite caring what anybody thinks, but you felt a little embarrassed still, bawling your eyes out in front of a stranger like this.

But you lost control. Like you usually do. Although it didn’t feel like it. There has always been something about the Hwang boy that made you feel so secure.

Yes, that’s fucking ridiculous considering how he’s treated you since that day until now, more than one and a half years later.

Fortunately—and also unbelievable from today’s point of view—Hyunjin grasped that he went way too far although it wasn’t his intention. Of course, this doesn’t excuse anything. It doesn’t matter if we accidentally hurt someone, they will feel pain anyway.

Just like you did at that moment.

His guilty conscience finally kicked in, bringing him back to reality and how he should have reacted in the first place.

You were still crying like a toddler, Hyunjin had pulled you away from the line in front of the bus a long time ago. He didn’t even care that he didn’t catch his connection, not when someone as beautiful as you was standing in front of you, unable to catch their breath because of the sniffles interrupting them.

It probably didn’t even make a difference but sometimes the gesture is what counts.

That’s why Hyunjin decided to take off his jacket and placed it on your shoulders, soon realising it’s a little too big for you. He wanted to pull you closer despite not knowing you, tell you that everything will be alright and that you’re safe with him, he will take care of you no matter what.

But the insecure Hyunjin that he still is nowadays was already noticeable back then. He did in fact feel sorry for you. He saw the two men who must have poured their drink over you stumbling out the vehicle and connected the dots. And maybe it sounds childish or even toxic but his ability to think shut off completely when you looked at him with big doe eyes, wrapped into his leather jacket, thanking him for his help, sniffles still filling the surrounding.

Hyunjin has never been good at showing what he truly thinks or feels with words. That’s just not part of his skills. The arts help him express his emotions but text or speech has never been one of his talents.

At least that’s how he justified it back then, when he told you the following words.

“Just so you know, I didn’t give you the jacket out of politness. I couldn’t stand your whining anymore.”

What the fuck?

To say that you were dumbfounded would be an understatement.

Where the fuck is this guy getting the audacity from? What a fucking piece of shit…

“The coat was very expensive,” he started again, “bring it back to me after picking it up from the laundry.”

Hyunjin shoved a piece of paper and a pen out of his pants’ pocket, scribbling down some words before he handed you the snippet. There was an address on it. A house that you were gonna visit many times after that and even still do nowadays.

Before you were able to react in any type of way, the mysterious, arrogant and beautiful stranger rushed away and got inside the next bus.

❄️

It’s an odd scene, something you would typically only see in some bad Netflix show or some silly fanfic but it’s what you’re caught in now.

The initial thought when your friend group started planning this trip four months ago was to get your minds off of school stress before exam season is waiting right around the corner. It’s the last semester for a few of them—Chan, Noah and Changbin being among the lucky ones to finish university pretty soon.

Changbin.

Right.

Well, when making those plans the two of you of course didn’t think you wouldn’t be a couple anymore once the trip would begin. But it is what it is now. It was inevitable.

Nights of fights brought you to where you are now—separated but still getting along for the sake of your other friends.

And that’s where the next problem occurs.

Although it’s been some weeks, you haven’t told anyone that you broke up. Not even Jeongin, your best friend, knows but that’s mainly caused by the fact that you got in a lot of heated discussions with him about exactly that—your relationship with Changbin that grew toxic over the past months. You haven’t shared a word with your best friend since then.

It’s a little ironic. It all started with Changbin becoming more and more jealous of any man that was practically breathing the same air as you and the biggest thorn in his flesh has always been Jeongin. Yes. Your lifetime childhood best friend who asks you to join farting competitions with him and makes fun of you like a younger sibling would. There’s absolutely nothing about him that you would ever find romantic in the slightest—the sheer thought makes you cringe—but that didn’t hold Changbin back from accusing you.

Where is the irony in these words?

Well, after another drunk fight of the two of you shouting at each other, Changbin confessed that he has been developing feelings for one of his friends who is part of the group, too.

Hayun. 

Med student and the best one in her year. As beautiful as a painting you would hang in the Louvre. Thousands of tourists gathered around it to get a quick glimpse of it.

And the worst part?

She’s incredibly kind. She’s one of your closest friends too and you can’t even blame anything on them since Changbin didn’t cheat. Sure, he was unreasonably toxic with his own jealousy and a hypocrite if you want to call it that but he didn’t cross any boundaries with her. Maybe in his head but you can’t judge him for his feelings. They’re not even a couple or anything. No one knows if she even returns the feelings.

So, all in all there were too many things that were working against this relationship.

But you’re still heartbroken. You can’t deny that. After all Changbin and you had been together for one and a half years and he was always absolutely serious about you—taking you on expensive dates, going on vacation with you and even meeting each other's families was absolutely normal. Maybe it’s the familiarity, maybe it’s the still existing feelings that don’t just vanish away from one day to another that makes it so hard to get over him. And, well, spending time on a weekend trip with him surrounded by all your other friends who still believe you’re that admirable couple doesn’t make it easier either.

That’s why you’re here now, getting out of the car with Chan, Changbin, Hayun, Noah, Felix, Jisung and Hyunjin.

Hyunjin.

Right.

As if spending time with your ex who you’re still in love with wasn’t terrible enough, your longtime enemy had to drag along, too. Well, he’s as much a part of the group as you are and Felix’s best friend and roommate and you would never get in the way of their friendship since you honour that freckled boy a lot. He’s always been by your side these past one and a half years, competing with Jeongin for the title of ‘Y/N’s best friend’ and getting closer to that goal caused by the circumstances with the younger one.

It’s good to have Felix and his partner, Noah, with you. They always try their best to cheer you up without even trying. You just dearly pray they won’t realise something is off between Changbin and you. Neither of you wants to make things complicated for the group as if they’re some children of parents that are getting divorced but for some reason it feels like it. Besides that, you’re also not emotionally ready for that next step. Not when Changbin is still constantly on your mind.

You will tell them after the trip. Definitely. But not now. Not today.

Luckily, Chan’s family owns a minivan and your ex boyfriend’s parents bought the little cottage in the mountains you’re gonna be staying in. You’ve been here before, with him and his relatives and you truly hope it won’t bring back many memories.

God, Y/N. That was a fucking stupid idea. How are you supposed to mentally survive the next thirty six hours?

Once you’ve got everything carried out of the trunk and assigned bedrooms, you head upstairs. Changbin and you are in the parent’s bedroom and Noah and Felix in a similar one. The children’s room was supposed to be reserved for Chan, Jisung and Hyunjin but the latter changed his bed with Hayun so she doesn’t have to be sleeping on the couch. She’s an old friend of Jisung’s anyway so there’s nothing weird about it. Changbin has known her for a long time, too, but Jisung basically grew up with her.

You wonder if Changbin gets jealous of his younger friend, too. In case he and Hayun will ever be a couple, will your ex throw a tantrum every time as well whenever Jisung gets a centimetre too close to her?

Now that you think about it, you’re honestly surprised that Hyunjin gave up on his comfort bed upstairs so easily. He’s usually not like that at all—rather spending time by spreading as much negativity as possible especially when it involves you. There’s no chance that he lets slip when it comes to making fun of you.

Maybe he knows about Changbin’s feelings for Hayun. After all, the boys are good friends and pretty close. Perhaps, Hyunjin switched places with Hayun to get a reaction out of you, to humiliate you in front of the others once you get jealous because of her.

Or that’s just the paranoia talking, who knows.

❄️

The sun is tinting the porch in an incredible shade of yellowish orange, similar to a tangerine if you will. The mountains are wearing the same layer and with each minute that passes, blue hour is announcing itself, creating an azure curtain on top of them instead.

Smells of grilled meat and fish, fresh vegetables and oven baked baguette are filling the air and for a shear moment you forget about all the troublesome things in your life.

“The food looks great,” Hayun says and you all agree.

It tastes even better than it looks and for the first time you feel somewhat okay again, blurring out what’s been bothering you these past weeks. Changbin is sitting next to you and it’s bearable, you don’t feel like crying for once.

Fuck. You wish you could be mad at him. Paint him as the devil. But he’s not. You’re both humans and you make mistakes like flawed characters in a romance movie you call your life. 

“Do you like it, too?”

The voice of your ex startles you at first but you nod. You can’t remember when it was the last time you talked to each other and it surprises you that no one has noticed yet that something is off between you. 

“Binnie?”

Hayun sounds so soft whenever a syllable passes her lips. You kind of get why Changbin has fallen for her, you can’t blame him once again.

“Yeah?”

“Can you hand me the garlic butter, please?”

He does as he’s told and it’s the first time that you witness something being off. It’s different between them. Almost intimate. 

You wonder if he’s taken her on a date yet but when you catch her smiling at him and hear a giggle erupt from your ex boyfriend, you think you’ve got your answer.

They’re subtle about it. Changbin would never humiliate you in front of the other ones. Although he has already suggested telling your friend group about the breakup, he respects that you’re not ready yet. It’s okay for you that Hayun knows, after all she’s one of his closest and longest friends. They spent every summer together, here in the mountains. Her family has a similar but smaller cottage like this, too, her father being a successful business man just like Changbin’s. They are meant for each other, it was destined to happen and you feel like a fool that you haven’t grasped it earlier.

Your thoughts keep drifting away and you’re glad that everyone is a little too occupied in their conversations to notice the anxiety washing over your body. Chan and Jisung are discussing some video game strategies and Noah and Felix are busy flirting with each other as they always are—similar to Hayun and Changbin but no one has noticed it so far.

Except for one person.

Hyunjin.

He’s sitting on your right side—you don’t know how he ended up there since he usually makes sure to keep a distance of at least two meters between the both of you.

You expect him to make a comment. He’s not oblivious, it’s clear that he realises what’s going on and why you’re so fed up. In addition, he still believes you’re with Changbin which turns the situation a lot more severe than it actually is.

Hyunjin still hasn’t said anything but his eyes are practically glued to your face, almost suspicious if anyone was watching. But no one observes the both of you.

And he wants to say something. Tell you that Changbin is a fucking asshole for flirting with Hayun in front of you, that it’s inappropriate to talk to her like that and that you shouldn’t feel bad about something like this since no one deserves this—not even you, his enemy.

But he can’t. He simply can’t. There’s too much distrust and hatred that has been established over the past one and a half years for him to be all caring to you. Although he wishes he could just ignore all that and pull you into a hug. You don’t deserve this. No one does.

Instead, Hyunjin settles for placing a few cut up fruits on your plate, giving you a warm smile, before he fills up your glass with more white wine and sparkling water. To not make it too suspicious, he adds some pieces of pineapple and peaches on Jisung’s plate, too, and then on his own.

You don't manage to let out a word so pressing your lips together will do. It almost makes it seem as if you’re smiling back at Hyunjin.

Besides that, you’re fucking confused.

This might sound stupid but this is the kindest thing Hyunjin has ever done to you. After all, he despises you with his whole being.

It’s not just caused by that bumpy first meeting the both of you share but there’s more behind it. Hyunjin and you have a relationship that can be defined as academic rivals. Since he is studying architecture with a minor in painting and you specialised in literature and politics, you tend to compete in different art contests, always fighting for the first win against each other.

So, that is a fucking big deal. It’s childish, of course. You’re not in high school anymore but that’s just how things between Hyunjin and you have always been. He’s this arrogant, ambitious and—unfortunately—absolutely attractive guy that constantly gets on your last nerve.

You don’t know what he truly thinks about you but you can judge by the way he treats you—taking every chance he gets to make every joke about you, to compete with you in the dumbest games and to rub it in your face how much he hates you.

It’s always been like this and it’ll always be this way. You’ve accepted it.

Maybe that’s why it confuses you so much that this slightest reaction, that absolute bare minimum of him wordlessly handing you more of the desserts lets butterflies erupt in your stomach. You can practically feel the beats of their wings, waiting to be let free.

“Are you alright?”

It’s Felix’s voice. He’s standing right behind you. Just now you realise that everyone has left the table. You must have zoned out for some time and feel a little embarrassed about it, if you’re honest.

You turn around to your friend, opening your mouth to say something but not even a single sound makes it past your lips.

“We can go for a walk, Y/N.”

You instantly nod and Felix helps you out of the chair, not saying anything, as he guides you to the forest that surrounds the cottage.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier,” Felix admits. 

You’ve been walking for a couple of minutes, taking in every detail of what Mother Nature has to offer. You’re glad you joined the group on this trip despite the circumstances. Listening to the melodies of the birds and cicadas helps you ease your mind a little even if it’s just for a moment.

“It’s alright, Lix,” you reassure him.

How do you explain that you’re not mad at Changbin the way you should be according to Felix’s expectations? How do you tell him you broke up without telling him?

“I know he’s my friend,” he starts again, dragging you out of your daydreams, ”but that was awful and fucking rude of him. I should have punched him in the face for flirting with her in front of you.”

Fuck. What are you supposed to do? You’re not ready yet to tell him. Maybe just telling him it’s okay will end this uncomfortable conversation.

“Lix, it’s alright, really,” you say, looking at him.

“How’s this alright?!”

Or maybe it won’t stop him.

“He constantly complains about Jeongin and you when there’s nothing going on but then pulls a stunt like this? He can’t be for real,” Felix hisses.

“Bestie– slow down.”

Your hand lands on his shoulder, making him stop in his tracks. Felix steps on a twig, a cracking sound erupting from under his shoe.

“No, don’t bestie me, Y/N. I am sick and tired of how Changbin is treating you. If Noah behaved like this, it would be an instant dealbreaker for me. But I don’t want to compare our relationships.”

He’s practically yelling through the woods, shouting at the top of his lungs. You’ve never seen the sunshine boy so fucking furious and it makes you feel awful that he is so concerned.

But you’re not ready yet.

Admitting the breakup to Felix would… it would make it real.

“Then don’t, okay?”

Your best friend scoffs, staring at you dumbfounded.

“You deserve someone better. Someone who isn’t such a hypocrite and treats you like some trophy to show off and–“

“I’m going back inside. I need some time for myself,” you use as your last words.

Turning around on your feet, you head towards the cottage again. Felix follows you, calling out your name but you’re not listening. He realises then that you need to be alone right now but still walks behind you with a respectful distance. 

You reach the building a little later since you haven’t walked that far. The path you’re standing on is connected to the entrance door. You walk a little closer, getting the keys out of your back pocket.

And then you stop and freeze in your motion.

That’s when you see the last thing you've ever needed to see.

His lips on hers.

Changbin’s lips on Hayun’s.

Your friend’s lips on your ex boyfriend’s whom you're still in love with.

Stupid Hayun’s lips on stupid Binnie’s.

Your Binnie.

Well, not anymore.

With the way her back is only visible to you, you can't figure out if she’s returning his actions. But the lack of resistance tells you enough.

It’s when they’re already gone, disappearing somewhere in the woods themselves, that you’re finally able to allow oxygen to enter your system again. Your breath hitches and you unclench your jaw.

You hear someone panting behind you, almost scaring you again to make your body freeze once more but when you notice the noise you know it’s Felix.

“Why aren’t you inside the house? Waiting for me to apologise?”

You’re aware he wants to joke a little to take the seriousness out of the conversation and approach you. It’s something your best friend does quite a lot and usually you appreciate it.

But you’re not in a funny mood right now. Not at all.

You decide to not say anything. Felix should be aware to just shut up already, after all you’ve told him you want to be alone.

“Y/N… listen, I’m sorry,” he follows you when you get inside.

When will he realise?

“I said I need time. Alone.”

Felix finally grasps the pain in your voice and he feels like the universe’s worst friend to ever exist. He shouldn’t have pushed you. But he simply cares for you and hates seeing you like this.

“Alright, if you need anything, I’m upstairs.”

You give him a small smile as a gesture to let him know that it’s gonna be okay and that he shouldn’t feel bad or worry too much.

Heading towards the kitchen to get a glass of water, you realise that the ground floor is completely empty. Everyone must have gone to their bedrooms already.

Except for one person. 

One person in particular.

The last one you want to see, hear or even breathe the same air as right now.

Leaving the bathroom, he closes the door behind him and sinks down on one of the barstools located at the kitchen island.

He grabs one of the grapes from the fruit basket and guides it towards his mouth. You watch every move he makes, catching your heart skip a beat when your eyes focus on his plump lips for a little too long and how the purple berry disappears in his mouth. You wonder if he would look the same, keep his gaze focused on yours just as much, if you replaced it with one of your fingers.

Fuck.

“Trouble with your boyfriend?”

That’s the Hyunjin you know. Never missing a chance to provoke and make fun of you.

Rolling your eyes and downing the rest of your water, you walk around the kitchen island, ready to get upstairs. Unfortunately you have to pass Hyunjin in the process.

And he seizes that opportunity to wrap his fingers around your wrist, stopping you. Your eyes shift down to where your bodies connects and you don’t even realise that this is the first time he’s ever touched you. Well, you’re far too caught in the feeling, anyway.

He spins you around and pulls you closer, until your back crashes into the counter. You’re caged between the furniture and Hyunjin’s body now and you believe your head has never spun that fast, as if you’re driving on a no-limit highway.

Hyunjin’s eyes scan your face, taking in every detail while you’re busy observing that devilish smirk appearing on his.

Fuck.

Has he always made you feel this way?

You can’t quite explain what it is. A weird emotion combined of despise and desire.

But you’ve always known, if you want to defeat Hyunjin in the little mind games he enjoys to play you have to attack him with his own weapons.

“I liked you better at the dinner table when you were so caring for me,” you tease.

He chuckles, bringing his hand to your face to place a strand of your hair behind your ear and you fear that your heart might explode because of the sudden touch. Hyunjin definitely catches onto it.

“I’ve always liked you better when you knew how to shut up.”

His fingers wander further, stopping right under your chin to tilt your head upwards so that you’re on eye level with him.

“For someone who hates me with all this passion, you’ve got a lot of expectations related to me.”

He smirks again, “Who has ever said that I hated you?”

Hyunjin is playing his manipulative games again, you can see right through all those layers he’s hiding behind. But you’re done with this. He won’t humiliate you any further.

“Let me think,” you begin, “you have constantly annoyed me and called me names since I became a part of this friend group.”

His hand finds your face now, softly grazing over your cheeks which immediately heat up in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I think you’ve got it the wrong way, doll.”

The pet name sends utmost arousal straight down to your core.

“I’ve never meant to be mean to you,” Hyunjin says, aligning his lips with your ear as his voice turns into a whisper, “I was just mad about the fact you chose the wrong guy.”

He can’t be for real.

That bastard is still playing with you, knowing exactly how to get under your skin and he is aware that it works, as everything is goinh according to plan. He can tell by your reaction, by the cute little whimper you let out.

But that’s all you get for now, since Hyunjin is already taking a step back, leaving you unsatisfied and craving more before he’s even started.

“Fuck you, Hwang Hyunjin.”

All he does is let out a laugh that sounds more like a scoff. As if he’s said the truth and you’re the crazy one. But you won’t fall for it. You won’t fall for him.

At least you hope so.

You take a glimpse towards the stairs, contemplating just escaping again and heading towards your bedroom. Changbin is probably still outside with Hayun anyway, so you’ll have some time to yourself—finally.

“I saw everything they did on the front porch, by the way,” Hyunjin says when he notices your glances.

“I’m sorry to break it to you but your boyfriend is a piece of shit.”

You’re the one to scoff now.

“I thought he’s your friend?”

Hyunjin gets a little closer, his hand wandering down to your waist and you just let him. For some odd reasons you crave exactly one thing—the little touches of your enemy.

“Yeah, but unlike you my moral compass doesn’t stop for the people around me. I can still hold him accountable for what he does,” he states.

It’s one thing if Felix lectures you about Changbin.

It’s another one if you get into a childish fight with Jeongin because of it.

But it’s a whole new level if Hyunjin is the one to tell you about all the red flags of your not-anymore-boyfriend. You can’t look through that layer of manipulation and what his real intentions are.

However, what you do know is that he is getting on your last nerve with this.

“You’re wrong,” you counter, knowing he’s absolutely right. Not in that way since Hyunjin still assumes you’re a couple but you won’t leave that triumph to him. You value your pride a little too much for that.

“No, Y/N, you’re just fucking blind.”

That’s it. 

You’ve had enough. 

How dare he talk to you like that?

How dare he speak the truth?

But most importantly—how dare he get under your skin and make your heart feel all warm when he shouldn’t have that effect on you?

You push him away, finally stomping towards the staircase.

“You can’t escape reality, doll.”

❄️

Another half an hour has passed since you’ve been hiding in your bedroom. You sent Felix a quick text that you’ve gone to sleep and he feels a little reassured now. Having him worry about earlier is the last thing you want.

You’re scrolling through your phone, catching yourself looking at Hyunjin’s profile on Instagram for a little too long, already way too far into his posts, when the unexpected expected happens.

Your fingers develop a mind on their own and like a post.

From 2020.

Fuck.

You immediately eliminate the heart again, hoping he hasn’t noticed. But he’s never on his phone anyway and you expect him to be a person who usually turns off notifications for social media anyway.

“Hey.”

The door swings open and reveals your ex boyfriend behind it.

You take a quick notice of his appearance. He looks the same as he did before but you still wonder if he fucked her.

You wouldn’t be surprised after all.

Changbin takes a seat at the other side of the bed, visibly confused and embarrassed about how to handle the situation.

And he doesn’t even know yet that you saw them.

“Y/N… I can sleep on the floor, that’s alright with me,” he offers.

“No… don’t be ridiculous.”

You don’t want to come off too harsh but it’s a little silly. You’ve been together for so long, you won’t make him spend a night on the ground.

Switching beds with Hayun would be an option too but for that you have to, first, talk to Changbin about what you witnessed and, second, confess to Chan and Jisung that you broke up. If the latter finds out, the whole group will know it once the sun is up.

You get ready, change into some sleepwear and Changbin turns around out of respect which is once again a little ridiculous but you won’t argue. You kinda value it that he’s being a bit careful. He kind of owes you that.

You see him slipping out of his jeans and throwing the shirt to the floor, leaving his upper body naked and the rest only covered in his boxers.

Shit.

You may have underestimated that both physically and mentally.

Trying to not think about it too much, you get under the blanket, soon realising it’s only one that needs to be shared.

“I can bring another one from downstairs. I’m sure we have more bedsheets there, it’s warm tonight anyway.”

You shake your head no. “It’s alright. Really.”

Changbin nods and joins you. Saying that he feels awkward would be an understatement. There’s no word in this world to describe what’s going on in his head right now.

He wants to pull you close, tell you again how fucking sorry he is how things turned out with the both of you. He wants to make up for treating you so poorly during the last months of your relationship. He wants to apologise for being such a huge hypocrite.

But it seems as if you’re faster.

“I saw you… with her.”

His eyes shut close in regret and he needs to take a deep breath first, his head hanging low.

“Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry…”

“Why? I’m… I’m happy for you,” you say with a forced smile.

Changbin tilts his view towards you now, searching for any signs that you’re lying but you’ve always carried the best poker face in this world.

“I didn’t sleep with her,” he immediately says.

“Congrats,” you sarcastically let out.

Maybe he’s got his truth now.

“We just kissed,” he explains. “We will wait until you’re ready to tell the others that we broke up and I won’t get together with her until you’re over me.”

You close your eyes, pressing your lips together as you let your head fall back. It crashes against the wall behind you and you cringe a little when the stinging sensation starts spreading over your scalp.

“Who said I wasn’t over you?”

Changbin hastily blinks once, twice, three times.

“Oh, you are?”

Fuck.

Of course you’re not.

But you feel so fucking bad. For your past relationship. For him. But mostly for yourself.

You want to forget him and throw those feelings onto the pile of garbage you call the mess between Changbin and you.

Maybe the first step for getting over him is pretending that you are. Fake it til you make it, as they say.

“I met someone,” you lie.

“Oh… I’m happy to hear that, really.”

You can’t quite tell what he’s truly thinking but you won’t push it.

“Do you… want us to tell the others, then?”

You sigh, “Yeah… Maybe… tomorrow evening once the time is right. I don’t want to destroy the whole trip, you know, and we’re gonna leave Sunday morning anyway.”

Changbin nods, “Is that really alright with you? I promise I will tone it down a bit with her. I apologise for flirting in front of you, it wasn’t my intention to humiliate you, Y/N.”

You give him a quick smile.

“You should go to bed, Binnie,” you say, when you notice the tiredness in his eyes.

Ironically, he yawns, before a chuckle escapes his lips.

“You’re right. What about you?”

Getting up from the bed again, you walk towards the door.

“I’m still pretty much awake. I’m gonna go downstairs and make myself some tea.”

Changbin nods.

“Tell me if you need anything, yeah?”

He gets a reassuring smile from you, “Goodnight, Binnie.”

Your ex disappears under the covers.

“Goodnight, princess.”

You decide it’s best to ignore how this common pet name makes you feel, before you leave the bedroom. Changbin probably just said it out of habit and tiredness and you won’t blame him for it.

Putting on some slippers you left in the upper corridor, you walk down the stairs and enter the kitchen.

“I need a fucking drink,” you say to no one in particular but as if you called him, Hyunjin gets up from his bed—the living room sofa—and joins you.

“How come? Trouble in paradise?”

You shoot him a warning glance but all he does is chuckle and disappear behind the counter. Hyunjin grabs a glass from the upper cabinet, before he starts combining some liquids together. 

He hands you the beverage a little later.

“I don’t like Gin Tonic,” you say.

He scoffs, snapping the drink out of your hand again, “Then make your own fucking drink.”

Not listening to anything he says, you conquer the cocktail back, holding eye contact with him as you gulp down half of the mixture.

The glass lands on the counter with a loud thud and Hyunjin is fast to down the rest of it.

“Now tell me, doll. Why are you here and not fucking your boyfriend?”

You wonder if Hyunjin has ever imagined you with Changbin together.

Or if he’s ever imagined the both of you together.

Because, as you must admit, the idea has crossed your mind way more often than you would have liked.

You’ve never been someone who is sexually attracted to a person they despise but with Hyunjin it’s different. You blame it on the rivalry and the fact you’ve never gotten along with him that makes it so forbidden but arousing.

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore,” you say, walking around the kitchen island to make another drink. You kinda find liking in Gin Tonic, you must say.

Hyunjin takes the first few sips this time and you admit that it’s kind of odd that you’re sharing a drink in the first place—not that you mind. This way, you can pay attention to how pretty and full his lips are.

Wait, what?

“Oh, so you broke up with him? Just right now?”

You shake your head, before you drink the rest of the Gin Tonic.

“Nah, we ended things a couple of weeks ago. We simply haven’t told anyone yet to not ruin the trip.”

Hyunjin raises his eyebrows, “But ruining the trip for yourself seemed bearable? Let me guess, it was his idea?”

“Actually, it was mine.”

He wants to ask if you’re stupid but decides against it.

“How come?”

“I’m… not over him yet,” you confess and blame it on the third drink you’re sharing with him in such a short amount of time.

“Yeah, I can tell.”

You scoff.

“Fuck you, Hwang.”

He smirks, thinking it would be way more fun if he would fuck you instead but he’s smart enough to not speak those ideas out loud. However, he knows exactly what you need and he’s sure he will be able to grant it to you tonight.

“You don’t even know me enough to judge me,” you add, filling the glass with gin and then tonic again. 

Hyunjin takes the first few sips and watches you copy his motions before he replies. After all, he doesn’t want you to spill any of the drink which is very likely with what he says next.

“I know you well enough to know that I want you.”

His eyes turn dark now and you don’t say anything against it. Not even when he presses you against the kitchen counter, now even closer than earlier. Hyunjin grabs you by the waist, his lips dangerously near to your face.

You still don’t say anything against it.

Why would you?

There’s this certain feeling down in your core again and, embarrassing enough, your panties are already soaked.

Yes. This is fucking pathetic and you blame it both on the ongoing tension between your rival and you as well as the four half drinks you’ve had in about fifteen minutes.

His fingers are brushing over your cheek again before they travel further and stop at your mouth. Hyunjin grazes over your lips and you know exactly what he’s asking for—parting them, you allow him entrance. You start sucking on them, keeping your oh so innocent looking eyes fixated on his. 

Hyunjin catches his own lower lip between his teeth and he fears he might cum in his pants at the sight of you taking his digits in. He wonders how beautiful you might look if he replaced them with his cock but that has to wait for now.

His other hand wanders down to your thighs and as if you’re on autopilot, you spread your legs a little, allowing him to slip right between them. His fingers disappear inside your pyjama shorts next, running over your very much drenched panties and Hyunjin lets out the most evil chuckle you’ve ever witnessed.

“It’s your choice now, doll—do you want me to fuck you on the sofa or are you so impatient that I should rather bend you over the counter here?”

Fuck. You’re so doomed.

“I don’t fucking care, Hwang, I don’t want to be thinking or making any decision now.”

He chuckles and lets go of your body, earning a little whine from you which immediately gets both to his head and cock.

“Let me be a gentleman and carry you to my bed then, hm?”

Hyunjin guides you to the living room, sitting down and pulling you on top of him. 

Fuck. You look like a fucking godess. He can’t believe that he’d ever have his enemy and rival straddle his lap like this. 

You still look so innocent like this, trusting him completely with what’s to follow.

“Just make me forget about him,” you say.

And that’s all Hyunjin needs to crash his lips into yours.

You’ve always wondered what kissing Hyunjin feels like but nothing comes close to reality.

It’s like a surprise firework on your birthday, enlightening the city in your favourite colours.

It’s like the sudden sunbeams hitting your face on the first day of spring, pushing away the coldness in your heart that winter placed there.

It’s like listening to your favourite song for the first time but never getting tired of it, not even after playing it on loop for hours.

Kissing Hyunjin is calm—it’s feeling secure again after the thunderstorm stops. 

Kissing Hyunjin is heartwarming—it’s being completely safe after the anxiety vanishes away.

Kissing Hyunjin is all you’ve ever needed.

However, your mind decides against letting you give in completely.

Pictures of your ex boyfriend blind your vision and you soon realise that Hyunjin and you have not enough trust which you need to be intimate with someone. Yes, you’re absolutely attracted to him. But there’s more. The anxiety is eating you alive and you can’t go any further. At least not yet.

So, you pull away.

You instantly see the fear washing over his face, as Hyunjin’s eyes widen.

“Fuck– Y/N– I’m sorry–“

Getting up from him, you sink down next to him, keeping your eyes on his.

“Hyun?”

It just feels right to tell him. You don’t even know why but there’s this immense urge bubbling inside you that wants you to share your psychological background with him.

You don’t know where the trust is coming from—maybe it’s the way he noticed something was off at the dinner table, maybe it’s the fact he is granting you his time and promising you to make you forget about Changbin or maybe it’s the possibility that he doesn’t hate you after all.

“Yeah?”

Talking about your darkest secret if you want to call it that may reveal the true side of Hyunjin.

“Would you… would you listen to me if I told you a little more about myself?”

He gives you an encouraging smile, already making you confident in your decision.

"Always," he says.

“There’s no going back once I start,” you warn him.

“Go on.”

You take a deep breath, close your eyes, let the air escape again before your gaze finds his.

“You may have noticed when we first met but,” you pause for a little, “I tend to get quite emotional from time to time.”

Hyunjin nods attentively and when you realise there’s not a single sign of judgement on his face, you feel comfortable enough to continue.

“Only a few people know—of course Changbin but also Jeongin and Felix are aware of my anxiety disorder.”

He’s getting a little overwhelmed, nodding whenever you finish a sentence but you won’t stop.

“For some people it's a deal breaker—which is honestly valid—but I’d like to explain more and once I’m finished feel free to treat me the usual way again.”

You get it now. Laying the cards on the table has a strategy behind it—your enemy can’t turn your words against you when you have control and power over them.

Hyunjin gulps, before he gives you a sign to continue.

“Most of the time, the anxiety attacks are caused by social situations and me being overwhelmed either in crowds or while talking in front of groups, even my friends. Maybe you remember—I experienced one when I visited yours and Felix’s apartment for the first time.”

He nods again. Hyunjin wants to hold your hand, tell you it’s gonna be alright and that he will always listen to you but decides against it. It would probably be inappropriate anyway.

“I’ve been in therapy for almost two years now but I barely see any difference. I know how to handle the attacks in theory but that’s it. I just,” you take another deep breath, your gaze evading Hyunjin’s l, “I’ve had enough of people treating me as if I’m made of glass, as if I can’t speak up for myself.” 

Hyunjin has never treated you like this, now that you think about it. It’s quite the opposite with him although this doesn’t make his behaviour any better, of course.

“Changbin has always been like this…”

Hyunjin gets furious now, finally saying something since he can’t hold back his emotions.

“That’s because– that’s because that idiot has never actually cared about you.”

His words become a blur and so does your vision when suddenly the tears start running down your cheeks, blinding what’s in front of you.

Fuck.

Hyunjin shouldn’t have been so insensitive.

What is he supposed to do now?

You’re crying in front of him and it’s kind of his fault and kind of not but he’s sure any possible further damage will be in fact caused by him if he doesn’t react at all.

He decides to place his hand on your back, softly stroking it and when you don’t push him away, he scoots a little closer. Your head is hanging low, face disappearing in the palms of your hands. When you look up again, Hyunjin sees how puffy and red your eyes have turned.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

He’s apologising?

Hyunjin seems to be up for many surprises tonight.

You’re the one to fall forward now, catching him in a hug as your face lands on his chest, buried in his shirt.

“Just so you know,” he starts with a low and quiet voice, when he believes it’s okay to speak again, “I’ve already assumed you’ve been suffering from this. I’m sorry if I’ve ever made it worse, I didn’t think about it that way and I would never intentionally cause any harm that is connected to–“

“Hyun, it’s okay,” you reassure him. “I have ninety nine other issues with you but that’s none of it. You’ve never triggered anything regarding my anxiety.”

He chuckles, pulling you closer. His hand is gently patting your head now.

“Can I tell you something?” 

You scoot a bit back so that you’re able to look at him, “Sure.”

It’s weird how safe you feel in a setting like this with him. That’s really the last thing you would have ever expected. How on earth is the man you despise the most so caring and soft in a vulnerable situation like this?

Hyunjin takes another one of those deep breaths.

“I don’t want to downplay any of your emotions but I want you to know that you’re more than that. I don’t mean that you could be more, you already are. For some people like you,” or like us, he wants to add, “it’s hard in a world like this with the circumstances and all. If a flower doesn’t grow you wouldn’t blame it on the flower, you would adjust the surroundings, right?”

You smile at him, “Wow, Hwang, you’re an actual poet.”

A red layer appears on his cheeks.

“Thank you for this,” you add. “Really.”

“I mean it. We may get in fights and compete in all those university things but this is the last thing you should worry about when it comes to me. Thank you for telling and trusting me,” he says.

“Thank you for listening.”

You stay like this for a minute, until a yawn slips out of your mouth.

“Are you getting tired?”

You nod, before you excuse yourself to the bathroom. Taking your time, you reminisce about the night and all the words you shared with Hyunjin. For some reason, it makes you feel at ease and lets your heart skip a beat at the same time.

Then you feel them again. Those butterflies in your stomach but you decide to drown them in tap water that you’re hastily chugging down.

For fuck’s sake. You can’t fall in love with Hwang Hyunjin.

Sure, he’s the hottest guy on campus and just listened to you whine for at least half an hour but that’s it.

Once you’re ready for bed, you join Hyunjin in the living room one last time. It would be weird to just go upstairs without saying any word after that talk.

Until you notice him throw his blanket and all the pillows around, creating a makeshift mattress on the floor besides the couch.

“You’re sleeping on the sofa, I’ll stay here,” he says, pointing to the ground.

“What?”

“I’m not gonna let you sleep upstairs in a bed with Changbin,” Hyunjin says.

“I think I can decide for myself. Are you jealous?”

He scoffs, ”Do whatever you want.”

The fact he doesn’t answer your question tells you enough and you blame it on the security your enemy has given you over the last hour and all the trust he has built, when you come to the realisation that sleeping downstairs with your longtime rival sounds way more appealing than spending the night with your ex.

You want to get over him. Maybe that’s the first step.

Sinking down on the sofa, you watch Hyunjin disappear under his blanket until he is kicking his feet, unable to find a comfortable position. He groans, earning a chuckle from you.

“Come here,” you say.

“Huh?”

He’s sitting up in his makeshift bed now.

“There’s enough space for the both of us,” you add.

“A-Are you sure?”

You almost find it cute when he is so shy around you. 

Almost.

“Yes.”

“Even after,” he starts again, “the kiss earlier? You were hesitant about that.”

You pull up the blanket, inviting him in.

“Oh, that was because I couldn’t get… him out of my mind and it felt unfair.”

Hyunjin joins you now, getting closer to you.

“We can always try another time, you know. My offer is still on the table.”

Embarrassment rushes to your head.

“Okay. I’ll come back to it.”

Hyunjin places a soft kiss on your cheek, before he watches you doze off to sleep.

❄️

“Good morning,” Hyunjin says when he sees you open your eyes.

“How long have you been awake?” you ask with a sleepy voice, clearing your throat a little.

“I just woke up,” he lies, not wanting to tell you that he’s been watching you being in a deep slumber for the past half an hour.

A bit later, you stand up and head towards the bathroom while Hyunjin takes care of the mess in his bed. There’s no way anyone can know that you fell asleep cuddling your enemy last night.

When you come back, dressed for the day, Noah and Felix are already in the kitchen, preparing some breakfast for the whole group.

“Did you sleep well?” the freckled boy asks and you nod, helping him and his partner prepare the food.

You notice that your best friend is still severly sorry for how he handled the situation yesterday but you’re sure you can talk it all out later, once the time is right. A reassuring smile from you is enough to ease his mind for now.

After all, no one—except for Hyunjin and Hayun—knows that Changbin and you aren’t a couple anymore.

Speaking of the devil, Changbin joins the rest of the group in the kitchen, giving you a small smile when he sees you. You return the gesture, handing him a glass filled with fresh orange juice. He’s always liked this beverage so much and when your fingers graze over his, you’re instantly brought back to all the memories you share.

Until someone else drags you out of your daydreams.

Hyunjin is back from the bathroom—wet hair sticking to his face and neck and your knees instantly turn into jelly—on his way to his backpack that is located in the living room. He passes Changbin, bumping his shoulder in the process and the older one just looks at him dumbfounded, almost spilling his orange juice over the kitchen tiles.

“Dude, what was that for?”

“Sorry,” Hyunjin says, “not on purpose.”

He grabs a grape from the fruit basket and disappears in the bathroom again.

Your ex’s gaze is switching towards you now, finding your eyes following your enemy’s figure but Changbin tries to not read too much into it. You’re not his girlfriend anymore, after all.

❄️

Changbin is not thinking about anything related to those suspicions anymore, when you’ve been on this hike for almost four hours now. He is guiding the way with Chan, as they share something about sports or whatever. They’re followed by Hayun and Jisung.

Noah and Hyunjin are walking in front of Felix and you, as they talk about different art works and paintings, deep diving into the biographies of their favourite painters. You hear your enemy joke about how he one day wants to adopt a goat and name the pet Vincent Van Goat in honour of one of his beloved artists.

You suppress a chuckle, before you come back to the current conversation with Felix.

“Y/N?”

Your best friend suddenly calling you while being right next to you confuses you.

“Yeah?”

“I want to apologise,” he begins again, “I should have been more sensitive yesterday. It’s just– you’re so important to me and regarding your mental health, I’m just a little scared that Changbin isn’t the right partner for you. But if you’re sure that he’s good for you I won’t stand in the way and accept–“

“We broke up,” you blurt out, kind of glad that Felix and you are a bit far away from the rest of the group.

“What?”

Felix can’t believe what he’s just heard. He hopes you didn’t do this simply because he pressured you.

“Actually, we haven’t been a couple anymore for a few weeks, we simply didn’t want to ruin the trip for you guys and make you feel as if you’re in the middle… like some children of divorced parents, you know.”

Felix feels bad for always jokingly calling Changbin and you mum and dad of the group.

“You know how toxic it grew… and… ironically, he confessed that he is developing feelings for someone else so we ended it.”

Felix shuts his eyes close, hidden behind his hands.

“Fuck… I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

You softly pat his shoulders, chuckling about the fact that you’re reassuring him now.

“It’s okay, Lix. It’s for the better. I will realise this one day when I’m over him.”

He gives you a warm smile and your best friend wants to say more but he needs too long to find the fitting words and in the meantime, Noah turns around, joining the conversation.

“Guys, look, can you believe that Hyunjin drew this? In like ten minutes?”

It’s at this moment that your eyes are blessed with the most astonishing art you’ve ever seen. Yet so simple but it carries so many emotions, it lets you fall into a deep pool of delusion right again.

Hyunjin made a pencil sketch, a scene that’s so familiar—it’s the cottage’s kitchen, featuring the barstools you sat on and the fruit basket that’s filled with the delicious, purple grapes.

The four of you just stand there, Noah, Felix and you admiring the art that is filling your vision and when your gaze flickers up to Hyunjin you find him visibly shy and embarrassed. There’s blush on his cheeks again and for some reason it makes him even more adorable.

Jesus Christ.

Calm the fuck down, Y/N.

But you don’t want to act suspicious. It’s enough that you finally told Felix about the breakup, you can’t tell him you made out with his roommate who happens to be your longtime enemy.

❄️

For dinner, the group decides to go to a fancy but cosy restaurant, celebrating the last evening together in a setting like this. It’s weird knowing that almost half of your friends won’t have another college vacation after this, as they’re entering their last semester. 

Adulthood is weird. Everyone is in different stages at the same time and you’re constantly wondering if you’re doing something wrong. It’s not that you're much behind but with the pressure you get—especially from your mother—it’s never been easy. You would lie if you said that this isn’t one of the main factors that feeds your constant anxiety.

When you approach the assigned table, Chan, Jisung and Changbin have already taken seats on the booth. To their opposite is the rest of the group, which leaves you to join the side your ex boyfriend is sitting at.

“Y/N,” Jisung cries out for you, “please sit next to your boyfriend, he’s getting on my last nerve, maybe you can make him focus on something else than annoying me.”

Chan lets out a chuckle and all you can do is sink down next to your ex, trying to be as normal about it as possible.

Changbin stays as quiet as you and when you look at the other side, you see an apologetic look on Hayun’s face.

You want to be mad at her. You really want to.

But there’s nothing wrong about falling in love, right?

At least that’s what you keep trying to tell yourself in order to get over this mess.

Hyunjin shoots a glare at you but you can’t read what’s on his mind so you drop the thoughts on that.

“We should get buzzed later, play some dumb drinking games,” Jisung suggests. Noah nods, finding the idea quite entertaining.

That’s how you find yourself in the cottage’s living room one and a half hours later, sipping on some beer as Noah and Jisung get everything ready. You’ve played through a couple rounds of Most Likely To and some other drinking games, until Chan suggests to continue with Truth Or Dare.

You combine it with spinning the bottle, feeling like teenagers again but it’s funny, you have to admit.

Until the sexual questions start.

“Truth or dare?” Noah asks, directing their gaze to your ex who chooses the first option.

“Hm, let me think… have you ever had sex in a public place?”

Changbin chuckles, “Yeah. Many times, mostly in the gym.”

All eyes are on you now and you see Jisung wiggling his eyebrows. Of course, they expect that he’s referring to you which he in fact is but it’s uncomfortable hearing him mention your past encounters.

Unfortunately, it brings back all those memories, flashing in front of your eyes.

The way Changbin would make sure that no one is around to catch you, before he would bend you over some piece of sport equipment, putting you into a chokehold with his muscular arms, as he would listen to all those cute little whimpers spilling from your lips.

He would make you cum over and over again, praising you with no end, when your legs start shaking and you beg for more. It would feel heavenly, getting stuffed with his thick cock, while he calls you his princess, forcing yet another moan out of your mouth.

The game goes on without you taking notice, Felix is next, doing some embarrassing dare and you laugh along when he makes a fool out of himself but the pictures of Changbin and you stay right there where they are.

“Y/N. Truth or dare?”

Jisung voice awakens you. Severly startled, you start giggling, looking at your friend, “Truth?”

It’s a safer choice. You’re afraid he’s gonna make you do some dare that involves your ex boyfriend and after all, you both are gonna announce the breakup to the rest of the group soon anyway.

Yup. It’s definitely better this way.

You think.

Until Jisung asks his question.

“Is there anyone in this room who you would fuck except for your boyfriend?”

It’s as if a thunderstorm suddenly appears outside, smashing the doors shut, killing the lights and all the electricity. Time stands still for at least half a minute. You taste the beer on your tongue, reminding yourself once again that you usually prefer wine or even the Gin Tonic that Hyunjin mixed.

Hyunjin.

Right.

This would be your truthful answer. But you can’t say this. It’s not just because it would create drama, you simply can’t make a fool out of yourself by admitting that you would allow your dearest enemy to touch you.

Which has almost happened and the idea hasn’t left your mind since then.

Fuck.

You should have told all of them sooner that you broke up. That he constantly went jealous because of your not anymore best friend and is instead dating another girl of your group now.

You should have told them how he broke your heart so many times with all those drunken fights, how he bombarded your phone with text messages when you were hanging out with Jeongin or how he didn’t listen when you explained there’s nothing to worry about.

You should have told them.

So much earlier. 

You should have gotten over it by now, not make such a big deal out of it.

What are one and a half years, right?

It’s nothing and you should stop crying about it.

But why are you taking the blame?

It’s not your fault Changbin and you broke up but you will always defend him. Love turns us blind, makes us do the stupidest, most self destructive things imaginable.

“Hey, Y/N,” Chan suddenly says beside you, “you don’t have to answer Jisung’s stupid question. We all know that you’re head over heels for Binnie only, hm?”

Your cheeks suddenly feel wet and you realise you’ve started crying, when Felix pulls you closer.

“We broke up,” Changbin finally says, knowing the words won’t make it past your lips in these conditions.

Shock rushes over all unknown faces. It’s as if you told them the earth would end tomorrow. 

Their favourite couple—broken up?

“This is even worse than Hyuna and Dawn,” Noah cries out.

When you move away a little, giggling about your friend's comment, your gaze meets Changbin’s. There are tears in his eyes and you don’t know how you feel about that.

Shifting to the right, you notice Hayun—she’s severly uncomfortable too and you wonder if she’s ever felt bad about the whole situation. Of course, she can’t control her feelings and so far her and Changbin have stayed as discreet as possible but you wonder if you should be mad at her for even dating your ex.

Isn’t that some code that friends usually follow?

Well, you’ve always been one to place other people’s needs in front of yours.

When your eyes switch to Hyunjin, you can see him gripping the carpet under his fingers. You can’t read what those actions mean but he seems angry for whatever reason.

The emotions are bubbling up in him as well and he can’t understand how Changbin could treat you like that especially now that he knows about your mental background.

Fuck.

You need a minute.

You really need to get out of here before the feelings wash over you like a tsunami.

“Excuse me,” you whisper to Felix and stand up, running towards the stairs before climbing them.

Back in the shared bedroom, you manage to calm down a little at least. Taking a few sips from a bottle of water helps you further, before you sink down on the mattress.

Fuck. Was it wrong to escape?

Your phone—lying beside you with the screen facing the ceiling—lights up, indicating you received a message.

[Felix 🐥 23:12]: hey do you need anything? we’re all gonna go to bed now but I was wondering if you need to talk or anything. I love you and you’re so strong, please don’t ever forget that 🩵

A soft smile creeps up on your face and you instantly start typing.

[You 23:14]: I’m alright Lixie, thank you 😊 I will go to bed too, goodnight and I love you too 🩵

You lay the phone aside, as you hear a knock from the other side of the door.

“Yeah?”

Changbin reveals himself.

“I… I can stay downstairs, if you like.”

You shake your head no, “It’s okay, really.”

He doesn’t even seem to be aware that you didn’t sleep here last night either but Changbin has always turned into a literal stone when he was asleep.

He nods, approaching you, as he takes off his clothes like he did yesterday, leaving him only in his underwear. You change into your pyjamas again and when you’re about to head towards the door to get to the bathroom, Changbin almost runs into you, having the same plan.

You halt in place for a second, totally forgetting about your initial idea. He looks at you and you stare right back, noticing the tears pricking at his lower lash lines.

“So, that was it?”

Your lower lip gets caught between your teeth.

“I think so…”

“You think so?”

You nod, “I’ll need some time to get over you, if I’m honest.”

Changbin tilts his head, placing two fingers under your chin to make you look at him again.

“What about the guy you met?”

You chuckle, remembering the lie you told him and for some reason it makes you think of Hyunjin.

“It’s nothing serious,” you say, knowing it’s the truth although you’re denying those developing feelings by doing so.

“It’s… it’s nothing serious with us, either. Well, Hayun and I talked again and she needs some time to… rethink everything, you know. She doesn’t want to betray her friend.”

Cool. But why isn’t she the one to tell you this?

“Oh, okay. I mean—you have my blessings. It’s alright, really.”

Changbin doesn’t know what to answer, he’s never been as much at a loss of words as he is now, so instead of talking he pulls you into a hug.

“I’m sorry again. For everything.”

You smile, burying your face in his chest. Changing your posture a little, your head is placed on his shoulder now, giving him better access to whisper right into your ear.

“I love you, Y/N.”

The tears start rushing down again, turning your eyes all puffy and red like they usually do.

“I love you too, Bin.”

It’s the last chance you get to tell him.

It’s fucking dumb and self destructive. 

But you don’t want to get better yet. Sometimes the hurt feels comforting if it’s all we’ve ever known.

He pulls away from you then, his eyes meeting your own.

You don’t know what overcomes you right at that moment, but you decide to close the gap between the both of you and connect your lips with his. Changbin instantly gives in, kissing you back as if his life depended on it.

He’s always been so passionate, able to make you forget about all your surroundings when he was intimate with you.

And maybe this familiarity, this closure, this safety is what keeps you continuing. 

Your tongue is entangled with his, your fingers are playing with his curls and his hands are grabbing you by the waist, pulling you even closer.

It overcomes you then.

A huge wave. The whole tsunami.

Just like earlier but so much more intense.

Quicker than you’re able to grasp it, Changbin and you are already stumbling towards the bed, before you land on the cushion right underneath him.

Your ex has always managed to make you feel like the only person in a room full of people. Maybe that’s why it is hard for you to let go. He’s given you security. Not in a strange, oddinary way as Hyunjin ironically does but in a way that feels like home.

Changbin used to be the man of your dreams and he did a lot for it before things turned toxic. He showered you with compliments, praised you for all the baby steps you made, catered you to your every whim.

Sure, he had shown you off, for some eyes like a trophy, but that had been his love language after all. He wanted you to be the spotlight because you were his spotlight. Maybe you still are, he believes, when he just figures out how to flip the switch again.

That’s the thing with toxic relationships.

Often, they don’t turn that way because a person wants to hurt the other. Everyone is carrying their luggage of emotional trauma with them, unintentionally hurting others if they don’t manage to deal with their own problems.

Toxic relationships don’t feel entirely bad. They’re more like a rollercoaster with insane ups and downs and those ups are what keep us captured in them. Almost like a poison, like a drug that we become addicted to.

You’re glad now that Changbin and you ended things before it turned even worse.

Although, this realisation doesn’t seem to hold you back from spreading your legs for your ex boyfriend, as he’s slipping his fingers into your shorts, passing your underwear when he finds you absolutely wet underneath.

Just when he’s about to push two of his fingers into your aching hole, you wake up from those little dreams and real life hits you right in the face.

He’s gonna do this with her, too.

After this you’ll be back where you started, maybe even worse, hitting rock bottom this time.

You should stop.

This is the worst thing you could be doing now in order to get over him.

And when the picture of a different certain someone crosses your mind, you reach for Changbin’s wrist and bring him to a halt.

“A-Are you okay, princess?”

He gets up from you when he senses that you’re not, falling down on his calves now.

You are in a seating position as well, still kind of avoiding his gaze.

Fuck.

You shouldn’t have kissed him in the first place. You should have known that your stupid little heart can’t take it.

But are you really the one to blame?

“I’m sorry I– this was a bad idea,” you admit.

He nods, “Yeah– I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that… you know.”

You take a deep breath, reaching for his hand.

“It’s alright. It felt right at that moment but I think it’s best if I… I need some space, you know?”

Changbin immediately agrees with you, “I can stay downstairs, if you like.”

You shake your head no. “No, it’s okay. You need to sleep, you have a long car ride ahead of you and I will just come back here once I have rearranged my thoughts a little.”

Chan and Changbin will be the drivers tomorrow and you know how much your ex values his full eight hours of sleep.

“If that ever changes and you want me to leave, please tell me, okay?”

“I will,” you say, before you get up.

“Take care.”

You nod, “I’ll stay on the lot, no worries.”

Going downstairs will probably calm you down a bit although deep down you know there’s another reason you’re heading for this location in specific.

After all, it’s not just the emotional garbage between Changbin and you that made you suddenly stop this encounter.

There was someone else on your mind, getting under your skin without touching you and now that’s all you crave—Hyunjin’s intimacy.

So, you start searching for him, feeling a little pathetic about the fact you’re practically running after him but he’s offered it after all, right?

You find both the living room and kitchen empty, Hyunjin isn’t in the bathroom either. Just when you catch a quick glimpse of the patio, you see Hyunjin sitting there, sipping on some drink. He’s watching the distance, taking in the details of the fabulous mountains surrounding him and that’s when you observe a notebook placed on the table. The boy is scribbling something into it, probably working on another drawing.

When you join him outside, he rapidly shuts the booklet and turns around to you.

“Still up?” you ask.

“No, I am sleeping with my eyes open,” he hisses.

You roll your own and sink down on the chair next to him.

“I liked that drawing Noah showed us earlier,” you confess, trying to start a conversation with him.

Why are you so kind?

He decides to ignore your advances. Hyunjin doesn’t know what to read into it and although he likes getting attention from you, he notices something else.

Your hair is a little disheveled and your lips are puffy, as if you just kissed someone or… even more.

“Did you have a good time?” he asks then.

“Huh?”

What is he referring to?

“You know, fucking your ex boyfriend.” 

Hyunjin turns around, so that he’s closer to you. In the blink of an eye, the palm of his hand meets your half-naked thigh, slowly wandering upwards.

“Or are you back together and you’re letting other men touch you?”

You gulp, shaking your head no.

“No– we kissed, that’s all– it was a mistake, I know that.”

He chuckles. 

“But you still wanted him, huh?”

Hyunjin’s lips are attached to your neck all suddenly and you let him, desperately trying to keep that moan inside that is bubbling up in your throat. His tongue grazes over a certain spot that always turns your whole body weak but you’re not fighting against it.

“You know,” he starts again, disconnecting his mouth from your skin for a moment, “it’s kinda funny that everyone thinks you’re so innocent when you’re so easy, letting your worst enemy touch you like this.”

Hyunjin’s hand that is still lying on your leg travels under your pyjama shorts and he lets out a grunt when he feels the wet patch on your panties. You spread your legs a little, giving him better access.

“Who’s that for?”

You let out a moan, when he pushes the fabric aside, wasting no time to painfully slowly brush over your clit with two of his fingers. They go further south, circling around your entrance before Hyunjin spreads your dripping arousal all over your folds.

It’s embarrassing enough that you’ve never been this wet before, you believe, but it’s even worse that he secretly notices that this isn’t because of your ex but because of your enemy.

“I asked you a question, doll,” Hyunjin says, decreasing the pace of his motions. It’s not a surprise that he’s such an incredible artist, when he’s so talented in drawing those satisfying patterns over your sensitive bundle of nerves.

And his fingers. Fuck. You’ve stared at them before, you must admit. Wondered how pretty they would look wrapped around your throat or disappearing inside your cunt.

“It’s– fuck, it’s you, okay?”

Hyunjin smirks, pulling his fingers away and out of your pants.

What the fuck?

He earns a whine from you and just shoots you another one of those devilish smiles, as you watch him lick his fingers clean from your essences.

Hyunjin suddenly gets up from his seat, grabbing you by the wrist and making you stand on your feet as well. He’s guiding you inside without a word and you’re just helplessly stumbling behind him, following the path he’s creating.

“Where are we going?”

He comes to a halt when you’re in front of the sofa—your bed of last night and as it seems of the following one as well—adding another chain of those passionate kisses on your jawline, before they travel further down to your neck.

“I made a promise, you remember?”

His eyes are on your again and you wished he continued placing those kisses on your skin but you won’t ask him that. You still carry some pride and dignity, although those last pieces are surely crumbling into nothing by now.

“A promise?”

What does he mean by that?

Hyunjin drags you further to the couch, before he sinks down on it and places you on top of him. You’re in the same position you were in yesterday, patiently waiting for an answer or just any move from him.

“I’ll make you forget him,” Hyunjin starts. “We’re not gonna stop until the only two syllables falling from your mouth are those that make up my name.”

Fuck. You’ve never known he has such a way with words, he’s almost competing with you in your writing and poem skills.

It overcomes you then. Your lips crash into his, creating those feelings of a thousand butterflies in your belly but you allow them.

Your tongues have become experts in dancing with one another, the rhythm is so smooth and sensual. Hyunjin moans into your mouth once you start grinding on top of him, feeling his covered growing erection poke into the material of your shorts.

His hands are grabbing you by the waist, helping you with your movements and you once again get reminded of how big they are. He’s pulling you closer, treating every touch and kiss as if they’re his oxygen that he needs to survive.

You’ve never felt something like this before but you let it, knowing it’s the start of a new chapter in life. Although you’ve never imagined your enemy to take a leading role in it, if you’re honest.

That’s when you start questioning this whole agreement.

“What’s in it for you?” you ask, pulling away from him.

“What do you mean?”

You look at him, tilting your head a little.

“You hate me… why are you voluntarily touching me?”

Hyunjin chuckles, his fingers digging into your sides when he slips them under your shirt.

“Well, I can’t deny that you’re fucking hot and beautiful. Besides that, you’re gonna realise why I’m not opposed to it at all,” he teases.

You let him.

You allow him all of it.

A few more kisses on your neck. A few more grinding motions over his bulge. A few soft touches under your shirt before his hands wander upwards and cup your breasts, as Hyunjin finds you bare underneath your pyjama top.

“Touch me, Hyun,” you let out, not caring about any consequences anymore.

“What was that?” he provokes you once again.

“Make me forget about him.”

His eyes suddenly turn dark when he listens to your beautifully desperate consent and in an instant, he’s got you placed underneath him. Your shirt landed on the floor some time ago and right now, Hyunjin is busy sliding down your shorts, as slowly as he can just to make you crave even more—if that’s even possible.

The tip of his tongue comes in contact with the wet patch on your panties, mixing those liquids together and turning your clothing into an even more severe mess.

He redeems you from all those little pleas that you’re so softly whispering—and that make Hyunjin even harder so that it’s getting more and more unbearable to have his pants restraining his hard cock—when he finally pulls the remaining fabric down.

Your enemy admires you for a moment, chuckling to himself when he takes in all the beauty of your body.

“Fuck,” he lets out.

He dearly wants to compliment you but for some reason he doesn’t manage to do so. His pride is once again getting in the way.

Hyunjin places your legs on top of his shoulders, pulling you a little closer before he attaches his mouth to your mound. Soft little kisses follow, creating a path to your clit, before he starts flicking his tongue over it. He starts with slow circling motions again, wandering down to your hole from time to time.

“Eyes on me,” he orders.

You instantly follow suit like a dumb but cute little puppy and Hyunjin immediately finds liking in it.

He’s placing one of your legs on the back of the sofa, making you spread them for hum and giving him better access to guide two of his fingers towards your wet hole. A string of saliva hits your pussy and Hyunjin wastes no time in smearing the liquid all over your wetness, soaking his digits in it before he carefully inserts them into your throbbing hole.

“Hm, just like that,” he praises you in between those makeout sessions with your clit. “Fuck– you look so pathetic like this, doll. Just for me.”

You cry out some curse words, not wanting to leave that triumph to him but you know that you’re already defeated. But he still chuckles and smirks against your heat when he notices your helpless figure, as you’re desperately and weakly gripping the sheets underneath you.

“Hyun–“

He keeps thrusting his fingers into you, adding a third one to prepare you for what’s to follow.

“Hm, say my name, doll. Who's making you feel this fucking good?”

You close your eyes and he stops.

“Nah, I told you to focus on me, remember?”

Nodding, you assert your gaze on his face again, allowing the satisfaction to take over your whole being.

And you do finally grasp it then, whenever you see the pride in his eyes, even more severe than any encounter in which he defeated you in yet another game or university contest.

It’s a game of control for him.

But it is for you too—just in a different setting.

Hyunjin allows you to fully give in, let go and dive into the moment. His most important goal is to make you not only forget about Changbin but also everything else that is bothering you and causing the littlest bit of anxiety to possess your synapses. When you’re with him, it’s only about the way he’s touching you, kissing you, pleasuring you.

Just like right now, as the feeling is taking over you and you can’t help withstanding, practically tasting that sweet relief on your tongue.

Hyunjin pulls away for a moment, so that he can speak, “Look at me when you cum, doll. Gonna train your brain so that you’ll always associate pleasure with me only, okay?”

You hastily nod as if he’s put you under some spell, making sure to keep your gaze attached to his, when you finally let the feeling spread through your body and your juices spill all over his fingers and tongue.

“Fuck– Hyunjin–“ are your last words before he stops after helping you ride out your high.

When you take a closer look at his face and when you sense a wet patch underneath you, your breath hitches.

“Did I just…?”

He can’t help himself but chuckle, as he clicks his tongue.

“Hm, you did and you looked fucking hot doing it, not gonna lie.”

You burst out into a shy giggle then and this situation just proves that there’s more behind that rivalry you share with Hyunjin. He dries his face a little with a towel and licks the remaining liquids off of his fingers.

He positions himself back between your legs, watching your eyes being fixated on his, patiently waiting for more.

“Don’t think I’m done with you, doll.”

You sit up a little, your fingers coming in contact with the hem of his shirt and Hyunjin is fast to understand what you want. He shoves the fabric over his head and you let out a little gasp when you see his toned upper body. After all, he’s a dancer but you haven't expected him to be this beautiful.

Life is fucking unfair.

Why does your enemy have to be the hottest person alive as if you’re caught in some shitty fanfiction?

But you’re not the one to complain, when he is already getting rid of his sweatpants, leaving him in his boxers only.

“Come on, don’t tease,” you tell him, impatiently waiting.

Hyunjin scoffs at your bluntness, grabbing you by the wrist and placing your hand on top of his covered bulge.

“What a pity, I was just about to be all gentle with you but I guess this brat needs to be taught a lesson first.”

You giggle, feeling arousal drip out of you again.

“Doll, don’t tell me this turns you on even more,” he says.

Hyunjin slips his remaining underwear down, as you watch his cock spring free.

And you can’t help but gulp when your eyes take in his enormous size.

Everything his fucking pretty and huge about him. Everything.

“Maybe…” you confess.

He pumps his length for a few times, before he brushes over your clit with its tip.

“Always knew you would be such a slut for me,” he says.

You can’t help but smirk again, feeling your head spin when you listen to those degrading but incredibly arousing words.

“Wait–“ he says all of a sudden.

“What is it?”

You’re getting second guesses now, maybe he regrets it and wants to stop before the irreversible step follows. Changbin is his friend after all.

“I… I don’t have a condom with me,” he admits.

Well, why would he? He’s on a camping trip with friends and although Hyunjin has thought about the pretty picture of you underneath him quite often, he would have never expected to be such a lucky guy that his dreams turn into reality.

“I’m on birth control,” you reassure him and he gives you a smile, before his eyes turn dark again.

“Turn around, doll. I want you on all fours.”

It’s indeed pathetic how easily you follow suit, when you do as you’re told and get in the position Hyunjin wants you in. Your face meets the pillow and you spread your legs a little further, impatiently waiting for him to continue.

Hyunjin is probably able to read your mind, as he’s aligning the tip of his cock with your entrance, playfully brushing over it.

“You sure you want this, doll?” he asks.

“Yes– please– just fuck me already.”

He lets out a devilish chuckle, before he pushes only a few centimetres of his length into you. With the way he feels your walls tightening around him, Hyunjin gives you enough time to get used to the feeling before he moves further, bottoming you out completely.

“I’m ruining you tonight, doll, and you’ll let me.”

“Yes, baby, please,” you beg.

Hyunjin blushes a little when you use the name and he’s glad now that you’re not looking at him.

Sure, Hyunjin wanted you to keep your eyes on him but it is much more fun having you like this underneath him, watching you drool all over the pillows for him.

“It is fucking hilarious,” he says between thrusts, “how you always say you hate me but act like such a slut for me.”

He rams his length at you even harder, pushing you further into the cushion when his long fingers circle around your neck to keep you in place.

“And it’s fucking hilarious how you tell me the same b-but get so close so easily just from pounding into me for a f-few minutes.”

Slap.

His hand collides with your ass and you let out a moan.

Then he slows down and he knows exactly what he’s doing. Hyunjin brings two fingers right to your clit, motions having the same pace as his hips.

You’re begging him for more, asking him to go even rougher and deeper and when he changes the angle a little, finding that certain spot inside you, the whimpers spill from your mouth like a waterfall.

“Enjoying yourself, hm? How does it feel getting your brains fucked out by your worst enemy?”

Only moans and whimpers make it past your lips before some mindless babbling follows.

“Hyunjin–“

The pillow is soaked by now by all the saliva of yours and your holding onto the sheets and sofa for dear life, as you allow him to rail you into oblivion.

“Yeah, keep calling my name like that, I know you’re close, cum all over my cock, sweetheart,” Hyunjin says when he feels you clenching around him again.

You don’t know why but for some reason the use of that name makes you drip over the edge.

With a drowned out, soundless moan you let the pleasure take over you, sensing your legs and whole body shake but Hyunjin keeps you balanced, fucking you through your orgasm.

Caused by the way you’re tightening around him, he reaches his climax too, as he pulls out at the last second and watches his seeds spill all over your ass.

Fuck.

That was absolutely insane.

Shit. You’re definitely gonna be sore for the next few days.

Your body collapses a little later and in your sleepy state you feel Hyunjin cleaning you and putting you in some of his shirts, before he tucks you under the blanket and joins you right there.

He pulls you a little closer, placing a soft kiss on your cheek before he watches you fall asleep.

❄️

Just like the day before, Hyunjin is the first to wake up, although a little earlier than yesterday.

He can’t manage to fall asleep again, causing him to enter an endless spiral of doubts and overthinking.

But it was a one time thing anyway, right?

Yeah, it should be.

Even if you might say the opposite—it feels unfair.

You’re just out of a long relationship, still heartbroken from your ex and trying to forget him.

Besides this, that’s all there is. Hyunjin and you have no bond to build anything on.

And of course, it’s unfair for himself too and he knows why.

You and Hyunjin aren’t supposed to be a thing. He doesn’t regret last night but he shouldn’t have done it. He’s already sensing his head playing evil little mind games with him.

So, when you wake up he decides to make it as quick as possible.

“Everything okay?” you ask, rubbing your eyes a little.

“I…” he starts but can’t continue.

You give him a soft smile and this just makes him feel more awful than he already does.

“I think… This should be a one time thing, you know. We should get back to normal again, hating each other and all, pretend this didn’t happen.”

He’s avoiding your gaze, as your heart shatters into a thousand tiny pieces yet again.

What have you done in your possible past life to deserve this?

Of course, you haven’t expected Hyunjin to date or even marry you on the spot.

But you still feel hurt.

“Okay…” is all you let out.

“I don’t regret what we did,” he says then, finding your eyes, “but it’s for the better, believe me.”

It’s probably because Changbin is his friend and in comparison to Hayun, Hyunjin has enough decency to not behave like this.

You can respect that. Although last night was probably the best sex you’ve ever had, you can get over this part.

But not him hating you again. Not after you poured your heart out to him.

However, you won’t make a fool out of yourself and argue with your enemy.

You’re supposed to ignore and hate each other anyway and not find some solution.

❄️

Sitting in the car next to Chan when it’s your ex’s turn to drive feels quite reassuring. It’s good to have a friend beside you that doesn’t know that much about your perspective and is able to grant you enough space but comfort at the same time.

Hyunjin is sitting in front of you with Noah and Felix, whereas Isabella is next to Changbin. There’s nothing to hide now anymore, right?

You wonder if he lied about it—telling you that they aren’t dating after all but that’s none of your concern any more.

“Y/N,” Jisung calls from your left, “I’m sorry for being so insensitive yesterday– like multiple times, I’m sorry I hurt you with my stupid teasing.”

You give him a warm smile, “It’s alright, Sungie. You couldn’t have known.”

“If you need anything, we’re always here for you,” Chan reassures you, pulling you into a hug.

“Thank you,” you tell him, “I will need some time but I will overcome this.”

Great.

There’s no doubt that you will get over Changbin.

But what about your enemy that is slowly digging his way into your heart, destined to stay there a little longer?

🩵 AUTHOR’S NOTE: Thank you so much for reading this first chapter! If you enjoyed the story, please consider reblogging it and sharing your thoughts with me! I’d appreciate it a lot! :) You can also buy me a coffee here, if you feel like it. Please don’t ever feel obliged to do so, but I’d highly appreciate it!

© j-0ne25 2022/2023 | copying, translating or stealing my work is prohibited

[bslrecs]

show me what's under that pillow (one-shot)

pairing: hyunjin x afab!reader | wc: 5.8k | genre: smut with plot warnings: perv! step-brother jisung, roommate situation, mutual pining, mild possessivenes. explicit warnings under the cut. minors dni (18+) reader discretion is advised as parts of this one-shot could be disturbing to some — masterlist.

──── It started out as nothing. Hyunjin secured a good apartment and decided to find a roommate. The apartment had two bedrooms anyway, and it would help him pay the rent. He just needed something closer to the office. And so did your step-brother. 

explicit warnings: hyunjin is horny and mildly pervy. masturbation. jisung wants to fuck his step-sister (mc) + mentions of him masturbating in her room (past events). mc shares a bed with jisung. semi-public sex (jisung is in another room) - exhibitionism. oral and vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, cum eating and cum play. mild nicknames: baby, slut. they are both turned on by the fact that jisung wants to fuck her/might hear them.

──── It started out so innocently. 

It started out as nothing. Hyunjin secured a good apartment and decided to find a roommate. The apartment had two bedrooms anyway, and it would help him pay the rent. He just needed something closer to the office.

And so did your step-brother.  

Jisung worked in the same building as Hyunjin, but for a different company and on a different floor—it was a friend in common that introduced them. They got along nicely, or nicely enough to be roommates anyway. Jisung was loud at times but at least it made the apartment more lively. They were both equally messy so there were no arguments about that. 

You were there when Jisung moved in, helping him unpack his boxes. A shy girl at first but you warmed up to Hyunjin’s presence quickly enough. You were pretty. You wore lipgloss. He could see the outline of your bra under your thin, pale blue shirt. You laughed at his jokes and you smelled nice. You left early because you were going out on a date. After you left, Jisung admitted to him that he hated your boyfriend.

“He’s arrogant,” he told Hyunjin that night over beers. There were still a few boxes left to unpack but they were having pizza for dinner. “He’s possessive. I just hate him.”

You were pretty enough that Hyunjin thought he would be possessive too if you were his girlfriend.

But eventually, you broke up with the shitty boyfriend and you started hanging out more with Jisung. Here. In Hyunjin’s apartment. 

“I should probably pay some rent at this point,” you noted one time with a laugh. The three of you were sitting outside on the balcony and Hyunjin had let you use the best chair. His fancy chair. 

It kind of stopped being so innocent that day. It was the first day of spring and you were wearing a nice flowy dress with a woolen cardigan over your shoulders. Every time you leaned over the table to grab a piece of fruit, Hyunjin caught sight of your cleavage. 

“You’re always welcome here,” Hyunjin assured you. He finished his plate and excused himself momentarily, ending up in the bathroom with an aching pressure between his legs. 

Pulling his hardening cock out of his pants had been humiliating but necessary. He had been quick—tugging and squeezing himself and spreading his spit over his length to relieve himself. Were you doing it on purpose? Did you enjoy teasing him? 

He had let his pleasure building up, stroking himself with his eyes closed, his back against the door. Sweat was pearling at his temples as his breath hitched up. It was you he was seeing, printed onto his eyelids, like a wet dream, a fantasy. It was your hand he wanted around his cock. No, your mouth, your strawberry colored lips around him. His tip hitting the back of your throat as he fucked it. Your big eyes welling up with tears, your big eyes rolling at the back of your head as you choked on his fat cock. Spit and precum coating your lips and your chin. He wanted to feed you his cum and watch you swallow every drop of it. 

Hyunjin came hard, his back arching into the door, spurting his thick cum all over himself. The release had been so extreme that he couldn’t suppress the series of groans and whimpers that escaped from his lips as he came. He nearly collapsed over the sink. It took him a few instants to align a coherent thought or two. He washed his hands carefully and quickly bolted for his bedroom to get out of his cum-stained shorts, waiting for post-nut clarity to hit him.

If anybody asked he would say he had spilled juice on his other shorts. Nobody asked, but Hyunjin struggled to look you in the eyes after that. Or in your general direction. 

He’d like to say this was the first and last time this sort of event happened. This accident. This compulsion. But it would be a lie. You spent more and more time at the apartment, and Hyunjin lost more and more of his self-control. To this day, he was still waiting for post-nut clarity to hit. 

Today was no different. 

Hyunjin was just enjoying the peace and quiet of the apartment while Jisung was out shopping. He had gotten a rather good promotion at work and he wanted to treat himself to some shoes. And my sister insisted I take her with me, he had added. 

“Ask her if she wants to stay over for dinner,” Hyunjin suggested. “I was gonna order some food anyway, I’ll just make sure there’s enough for three instead.” It was such an ordinary thing to say, so naive. Innocent. But really, Hyunjin had seen the weather forecast. It would be a warm day today, and he was certain you would wear a sundress or a tank top. 

He was beyond pleased when you followed as Jisung came back home. He was holding a few bags but you had more than him. Your hair was loose over your shoulders, a little frizzy because of the humidity outside. Your cheeks were flushed and he had been right—you were wearing a pretty floral sundress. And you had no bra on that he could see. 

“Jisung my guy, couldn’t you at least be courteous and help the lady?” Hyunjin clicked his tongue and grabbed the bags from you, shaking his head playfully.

You giggled, letting him take the bags while you swapped your sandals for a pair of house slippers. “You tell him, Hyun. He doesn’t care about me.”

“I don’t—I don’t care about you?” Jisung protested, exaggerating his angry expression. “I just bought you two pairs of shoes and so many clothes!”

You tackled Jisung into the wall and walked past him, making your way to the kitchen. Hyunjin heard you searching for something in the fridge. “There’s iced tea if you’d like,” he said, making sure his voice was loud enough for you to hear from the other room. Then, more quietly, to Jisung, “I already ordered the food. And drinks.”

“Fucking yes,” Jisung sighed, already unwrapping a shoe box to show Hyunjin his new pair of sneakers. “I need to get hammered. An afternoon with her is enough to render any man clinically insane.”

“Hey, careful, fuck face. I heard you,” you called from the kitchen. “I’ve maimed men for less than that.”

Jisung paid you no mind and handed Hyunjin a pair of red-and-white sneakers. An expensive brand too. He deserved this treat. Hyunjin knew his friend was working hard, every day. 

You sat with them in the living room when the food arrived. Hyunjin could see your nipples poking through the delicate fabric of your dress. He couldn’t look away from the way your skirt rode up your legs when you stretched your back, exposing the soft skin of your thighs. It looked smooth. He wanted his fingers digging into it and dancing over your skin, feeling you all over. 

Hyunjin kept drinking shot after shot in an attempt at keeping his mind cool. Maybe it hadn’t been such a good idea to invite you, after all. 

Still, Jisung drank a lot more than him. He was celebrating, and he seemed to be having a good time—no matter how much you distracted him, Hyunjin was happy for his friend. He even played a few rounds of Jisung’s favorite video game with him while you finished your food. And then, you played with Jisung while Hyunjin watched you, the way your brows stitched together as you were focused on winning, or how your velvety lips parted open when you were close to scoring. 

Come late night, Jisung was very drunk. After the video game, you had suggested putting on a movie that the three of you enjoyed. You were sitting on the armchair with your knees up against your chest, resting your chin on them. Jisung was too drunk to notice, but Hyunjin could swear that when the lighting was bright enough on the TV screen, he could see your panties. 

And it was driving him crazy. He kept one of the fuzzy pillows on the couch over his crotch to conceal his aching cock. Hyunjin was trying not to look. He was trying to be respectful. For fuck’s sake—your step-brother was right there on the couch with him. And yet it didn’t stop Hyunjin’s imagination from running. He wanted to rub your clit over your pretty panties, wanted you to soak through them. His cock twitched every time you laughed at something in the movie. 

“I’m hungryyyyyyyyyy,” Jisung sighed, blowing raspberries as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Is there some food left?” he asked you.

You grabbed the remote and paused the movie. “Jisung, this is your apartment, remember? You know better than me about the state of your pantry.” You exchanged a falsely annoyed stare with Hyunjin. 

“Well I don’t remember.” Jisung pushed himself up, probably hoping to find some food nearby. 

… and he fell down. 

Jisung was laughing the whole time, though—he tripped on the coffee table and collapsed on the floor, his body made limp with the several drinks he had. Hyunjin simply couldn’t resist laughing too—with him, but at him, too. 

You shook your head, bewildered. “Oh my god, you really cannot hold your liquor. What an idiot.”

Jisung pouted, still laying on the floor. “You’re mean.”

“She’s right,” Hyunjin interjected. From here, he patted his roommate's leg gently. “I think we should get you in bed, Jisung. Don’t you think?”

“But I’m hungry,” Jisung insisted.

You stood up, reaching for Jisung’s arm and pulling hard on it. “Come ON! Don’t fall asleep on the floor, I wanna watch the end of the movie!” When you leaned over to try your best to push Jisung up, Hyunjin caught sight of your tits and he almost blew his load in his pants right then and there. It was only half a second, but it was enough. 

You busied yourself with helping your step-brother—Hyunjin got up too and adjusted his cock into his pants while you weren’t looking. He was thankful he chose to wear a loose t-shirt—it was long enough that he thought his hard-on wasn’t showing too much.

Hyunjin came to your aid and together, you managed to put Jisung back on his legs and led him towards his bedroom. “I’ll go get him some cookies,” you told Hyunjin. Your breath smelled like vodka and juice. “So he shuts up.”

“Oh my god… cookies, man…” Jisung mumbled, letting himself fall onto his bed. Hyunjin stayed with him while you were in the kitchen. He wrapped a blanket around himself. “Can you make sure my sister gets home okay… call her a cab…” 

Hyunjin dimmed the lights in the room. “Don’t worry. She can sleep here too.” Sometimes, you slept on the couch. Hyunjin had offered you his room a few times but you always insisted on taking the couch. And to be honest, it was comfortable.

By the time you left two cookies on Jisung’s nightstand, he was already snoring gently. “Well, so much for the I’m hungry tantrum earlier…” You sighed, turning to Hyunjin. “Wanna go watch the end of the movie?” 

Truth be told, Hyunjin didn’t think he could. He was so hard his cock was aching. He needed relief. He needed to get rid of this pressure in his loins. And staying anywhere near you wouldn’t help. Maybe he could fake a headache and go to his room to fuck his fleshlight a few times. Whenever he did, he always imagined it was you underneath him, not some piece of silicon on top of his pillow. 

“Please?” you added, tilting your head to the side. “It’s been a while since we hung out, Hyun.”

Hyunjin had no defense against this, against you and your pretty tits underneath the light fabric of your dress, against you and your big pleading eyes. “Sure,” he managed, gulping thickly. “After you.” But he was looking at your ass the whole time, and the way your dress hugged your hips. 

When had he become like this? A disgusting pig whose cock dictated his every thought? It was you—he was only like that for you.

The living room was just as dim as it had been earlier, easing his mind a little. Somehow it was easier to be around you in the dark. Not that he didn’t like seeing you—but seeing you too well could only lead to his demise. Or to a soiled pair of boxers. 

So, he sat on the couch while you were taking some of the empty food containers off the coffee table to leave them on the floor instead, allowing you to use the coffee table as a footrest. As he grabbed the remote and pressed play, his forearm brushed against your thigh. His cock twitched painfully, and he faked a light cough to cover his whimper. 

Even though the movie played—and even though it was one of his favorite movies—Hyunjin paid barely any attention to it. All he could see was you. The blue nail polish on your toenails, and your golden anklet. Your skin, your smell, feminine and deep and inviting. Your breasts moving with you when you shifted your weight, soft and round and perfect. The way you gently nibbled your bottom lip sometimes, as if deep in your thoughts. 

Your hand, too. Sometimes it rested on your thigh and sometimes it rested on the couch between you and him. There was a lot of space on the couch and yet you had chosen to sit right next to him—sure, this side was closer to the TV, but… 

“Are you even watching the movie, Hyunjin?” 

Your question came so unexpectedly that it took Hyunjin several seconds before he even processed the words you had said. “What?” But his face was flushed already, and his breathing shallow. In his pants, his cock reminded him that he had a problem that would need solving as soon as possible. 

You bit your lip again and sat at an angle where you were facing him. Hyunjin, on the other hand, dared not move—he stayed still, his head barely turned toward you, the cushion firmly pressed against his crotch. 

“I’m not stupid,” you went on. “I saw you earlier. And just now.” You pushed your hair behind your ear. “The way you looked at me. And… where you looked at me too.” 

Dread slowly filled Hyunjin’s body, replacing his blood with a strange mix of lava and glacial waters—he was both melting and burning at once. And yet he could not look away from you and from the way you were staring at him with your lips parted open, gaze flicking from his face to somewhere below his neck. 

He knew you weren’t stupid. He knew there was no point in denying it, it wouldn’t help his cause. You had every right to be angry at him, and the least he could do was to respect you enough to act like an adult. “I’m sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry,” he muttered, lowering his gaze with shame. “I—I just—I—” But he could not find the right words or any words. The truth was too crass for him to say out loud. 

Silence filled the space between Hyunjin and you. The movie was still playing but it might as well have not been. Instead, all Hyunjin could hear was his own heartbeat and your breathing. 

You leaned closer to him, enveloping him with your scent. You motioned toward the cushion he was still holding like his life depended on it. “Give me that pillow.” 

No hesitation. “There’s another one right there.” But he was imagining that the weight of the pillow was your weight as you just ghosted his crotch, straddling him. 

You pulled on the pillow just slightly and the friction of that was enough to make him groan. He tensed up, scanning your eyes. “Take the other pillow,” he begged. 

Your lip disappeared almost entirely this time when you bit into it. That would leave a mark but it wasn’t fair. It should be him biting you hard enough to mark you. 

What you said next shocked him even more than the question from earlier. “I thought you wanted to fuck me.” Your hand did not let go of the pillow. “I thought sometimes you were hiding away from me to jerk off in your room.” Again, a nudge on the cushion, but only a half-hearted one. 

Hyunjin didn’t even have the time to be embarrassed. Although a part of him was melting into the couch because of the shame of being caught red handed, another was too curious to know where this was going.

He might be tipsy, but he was certain you were now a lot closer to him than you had been even just a minute ago. 

He spoke in a low voice, almost inaudible. “Uh—you’re very pretty. So pretty.” 

You chuckled softly, taking his face in your free hand. Your skin was smooth and warm, and you forced him to look you in the eyes. “You’re very pretty too, Hyunjin.” You looked down. “Show me what’s under that pillow, please. I wanna see.” 

He had been done for the moment you touched him. Hyunjin let you gently slide the cushion away. It fell on the floor with a muffled thud. With slow, delicate moves, you lifted his t-shirt just enough to uncover the bulge created by his cock straining against his pants. 

You hummed. “You’re very hard, aren’t you?” The hand you had on his cheek moved to his hair, disappearing into his dark locks. “How about we take care of that?” 

“Really?” What a stupid thing to say—but he genuinely couldn’t believe what was happening right now. Surely he was in a dream and he would wake up soon in the middle of his cum-stained bedsheets… Still, he nodded.

“You’re driving me fucking crazy with your little glances.” You took his hand in yours, leading it under your skirt, then between your legs. Hyunjin’s heart was beating so fast that he thought he might stroke. “Wanna feel what you’re doing to me?”

Did he want to feel you? Good god, it was the only thing he wanted. His hand moved upwards, reaching your inner thighs. You were warm there, so warm. It didn’t take long until his fingers brushed against the lace of your panties—they were cool and damp. He jumped a little, hesitating, but when he heard you sigh at the contact, he decided to press his digits harder against you, truly feeling your wetness seeping through your panties, coating his fingers. 

Something shifted in him. No more embarrassment, no more shame. Hell, for all he knew, this was a long con—maybe you had made a point of wearing revealing clothes around him to tease him like that. Maybe you liked it when he stared at your body. Maybe you had even eavesdropped when he was relieving himself…

“You’re wet,” he pointed out, keeping his hand there, his two fingers on your folds. His gaze lingered on your lips. “Can I kiss you now?” 

Instead of answering him, you pulled him into a kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck. Your mouth was as warm and as wet as your pussy. Hyunjin wasted no time letting his tongue explore you, feel your lips and your tongue under it. You tasted like vodka, like fruit, and now that you were so close to him, Hyunjin could smell your pussy, too. If he had already shifted to second gear, he was on his way to a speeding ticket right now, all of his inhibitions and intelligence abandoning him. 

He kissed you deeper, slower, better. He could kiss you for hours and hours with how good your mouth was. In one swift motion, you passed a leg over him, straddling him. It felt so much better than the pillow, than his hand, than anything. Hyunjin could cum right now, fuck. Your lips left his to travel down to his neck, kissing and licking him there while your hands were busy unzipping his pants. 

“Wait—” Hyunjin grabbed your wrists, stopping you. “Here? Don’t you want to go to my room?” 

You giggled and looked somewhere behind him, toward the other end of the apartment where Jisung was fast asleep in his room. “Are you scared he’s gonna hear us?” Then, without missing a beat, you added, “Don’t you want him to hear you fuck me?” 

Hyunjin couldn’t wait anymore. He needed to kiss you. He took your lips again, sucking on them gently before kissing you properly. He put his hands on your hips, pulling you closer as you resumed working on his pants. It seemed like they were difficult to unzip due to how badly his cock was pressing against them. 

“He’s your brother,” Hyunjin said between kisses. He let his hands wander all over you, your ass, soft and nice, your waist, your tits. He caressed your nipples through your dress—they were hard and sensitive, and you shivered when he touched you there. Why were you taking so damn long to pull his cock out of his pants? 

“He’s my step-brother, it doesn’t count,” you retorted, breaking the kiss to look Hyunjin in the eyes. “And he wants to fuck me anyway.” 

This should have surprised Hyunjin but it didn’t. He saw it coming—Jisung was acting a little too nice to you for it to be just a normal step-sibling relationship. 

Jealousy took over Hyunjin. He kissed you again, hungrily, a sloppy kiss. You moaned against his mouth when, finally, you managed to unzip his pants and drag his boxers down, freeing his cock. 

He was hard, straining, flushed dark at the tip, ready to explode any second. You pressed your forehead against his as you took in the sight of his shaft. “It’s big,” you commented, causing him to whimper pathetically. He needed you. Now.

You took him in your delicate hand, squeezing him at the base. Hyunjin watched with fascination as you extracted a few drops of precum from him and proceeded to swipe it away before sucking it off your thumb with a delighted moan. 

Hyunjin had only one response to that—he let his hand trail under your skirt again and pushed your panties to the side, allowing him to properly play with you. He caressed your pussylips, spreading them gently. It made a wet noise when he touched you—you were dripping already, as ready as he was. 

“Has he ever seen your pussy?” Hyunjin asked, his voice no more than a raspy breath. He didn’t want to be too loud, but he couldn’t lie now—he was hoping that Jisung would hear everything as Hyunjin stuffed his throbbing cock into your tight cunt. 

“Yes.” You sighed when Hyunjin pushed two fingers at your entrance, teasing your hole. Your head fell back as you moved your hips, chasing more friction. “I like to tease him. I wear short skirts with no panties under.” 

Hyunjin scoffed. “Why are you wearing panties tonight then?” 

You put your hand over his, making him push his fingers a little deeper inside you. You were tight, and wet, and warm. So wet that your juices were already running down his hand. Your skin was soft, too, and he liked it. 

“Because I want you to cum inside me. Because I want him to see your cum on my panties later.” 

Hyunjin shoved his fingers as deep inside you as he could, stretching you open. You cried out, clinging to him again, arching into him like the little slut you were. He had been right, then. You did like it when boys looked at you. You did want to make their cocks hard, you wanted to torture them. 

Hyunjin massaged your hole, twisting his wrist until his thumb could reach your clit, and until his fingers found the spot to make you melt. “Like this, yes, yes!” You weren’t even trying to be quiet. 

Hyunjin fingered you harder. 

“Has he ever fingered you like that, baby?” He needed to know. It didn’t matter anymore—nothing would stop Hyunjin from filling you tonight, but he wanted to know if your pussy had also milked Jisung’s cock before. 

“No, never.” You whined when Hyunjin slowed down, but he still rubbed lazy circles on your sensitive clit. He had a goal in mind—he needed to see you. 

He hitched up your skirt, revealing you to him. Fucking hell. A pussy almost too pretty to fuck, soaking wet, creamy. “I don’t believe you. A pussy like that—no one can resist it.” He pulled you closer and kissed your stomach before he pulled you away from him to lay you down on the couch, on your back. 

Your legs immediately opened for him again. “He’s too shy. He would never,” you explained. Your voice was small, shaking, but Hyunjin couldn’t look away from your swollen cunt. “He jerks off on my stuff. One time, he came in my bed. While I was in it.” 

“Keep talking baby, I wanna know everything.” As aching as his cock was, he just needed to taste you. He kissed your knees, your inner thighs, until he was in position, until his lips ghosted your pussy. You smelled good, too good. “How did he do that?”

Hyunjin wasted no time licking you. Gently at first, kitten licks all over your pussylips, taking in your taste little by little. Sweet but salty, too. You tasted like a perfectly ripe mango. His eyes rolled at the back of his head when he swallowed you. “Oh fuck,” he muttered, burying his face into your cunt. He could lick you all night if you let him. He could lick you all night if his cock wasn’t threatening to burst.

“One time he was visiting and we were just hanging out and I fell asleep.” You paused for a long time while Hyunjin licked a long drag along your folds before taking your clit between his lips. So puffy, so wet, so pretty. You tasted like a dream. “Fuck yes, don’t stop!” Your hands found his hair and pulled on it until his face was flush with your cunt. Hyunjin moaned against you, letting the vibrations of his voice travel through his tongue and onto your clit, extracting more of that sweet cream from you. 

“He… he…” You were a panting mess, and Hyunjin made eye contact with you as he sucked your clit, his big hands digging into your soft thighs. “I woke up later…” you managed, eyelids fluttering, hips thrusting into his face. “He was jerking off in my bed, he thought I was asleep.” Hyunjin needed to push your panties a little farther to the side to effectively lick you clean—you couldn’t stop leaking, it seemed. 

Hyunjin grunted, imagining the scene. You, laying on your side, with just a little of your ass showing. Jisung on the other side of the bed, a hand in his pants, discreetly rubbing his cock to that sight. You still lived with your mother and Jisung’s father—did they have any idea what you two were up to behind closed doors? 

For all Hyunjin knew, you were probably flashing your pretty cunt Jisung’s father as well. And yet, it was his mouth on your clit tonight. You had chosen him and he didn’t mind if it was to use him. He’d become your own personal fuck doll if you let him. He’d fuck you right under Jisung's eyes if that’s what you wanted. 

You didn’t even try to keep your voice down as you moaned and as you told Hyunjin your story. He loved it. It made him lick you faster, made him leave your clit to go fuck your pussy with his tongue. 

“What happened then baby?” Hyunjin asked in between kisses on your pretty cunt. 

“I pretended to move in my sleep… I showed him my pussy… Hyunjin… fuck… yes, yes, like that!” He was fucking you with his fingers again. “I was wet because it turned me on. He saw it I think. He came. He came on my bed. He was too ashamed I think, he left the room.”

Hyunjin giggled between your legs, giving your inner thigh a kiss. “You’re such a slut. I love it.” He pushed his fingers as deep as he could inside you and you cried out loud enough for the neighbors to hear. Good, he thought. Let everybody know he was finally fucking the girl inhabiting his fantasies. 

“There—there was a little bit of his cum on my sheets,” you added under your breath. “I… I took it. On my fingers. I licked it, and then I fucked myself with those fingers.”

Hyunjin saw red. He could imagine it very well—a puddle of your step-brother’s cum on your bed. A slut like you, surely, would not let that go to waste. Did you know what you were doing to him? You had to, right? You were doing it on purpose, had always been.

Hyunjin grunted, his cock so sensitive that it hurt him when it accidentally rubbed against the couch as he pulled away from you. “If being a pretty little cum dump is what you want then that’s what you get.” Your slick was still dripping from his lips and chin but he paid it no mind. 

He rid himself of his pants for good, keeping his eyes on you the whole time. You were watching him too, a hand between your legs playing with your clit as you looked at his cock. “Fuck me hard with that big cock. I need it.”

Hyunjin guided himself to your entrance, coating his length in your cream before, reveling in the feeling of it. He knew he wouldn’t last very long, but he wanted the full experience anyway. 

You rubbed yourself against his shaft, moaning desperately. Hyunjin was mesmerized by your tits and how they moved under your dress with each of your movements.

He buried himself to the hilt in one powerful thrust, stretching you open for him, largely helped by the slick coating your walls. Your eyes went blank, glazed over, mouth wide open for him as you were adjusting to him.

And him to you.

You were tight. And wet, so wet. Your cunt hugged him snugly and every little friction brought him closer to the edge. Hyunjin leaned over you, kissing you with his mouth that tasted like your pussy. His mouth still attached to yours, he pounded into you once, then twice, again and again.

You moaned against him. He could see the white of your eyes. He could see your tits bouncing under your dress. He could see the drool accumulating at the corner of your lips. It was in that moment that Hyunjin realized he loved the fact that you were a slut, because he knew you were enjoying this as much as he was. 

“Fuck—Hyunjin—you’re so—so big, yes yes, just like that!”

You didn’t hold back your moans as Hyunjin kept his relentless pace, hips rolling and thrusting and snapping into you, his cock taking up all the space inside you. He loved the sight of it, of his length disappearing in your puffy cunt, your slick and his precum leaking all over your ass and couch. He wouldn’t even clean it up—Jisung could come lick it clean if he wanted, but that cum stain would remain there for a while, as a reminder that Hyunjin had fucked you. 

You pulled his hair again when your pussy throbbed dangerously and you clenched around him, making it harder for him to keep fucking you. “Hyunjin—I’m—I’m—close—” you panted, your hot breath in his neck, your arms around him, your legs around his waist. 

Hyunjin pressed a couple of fingers on your clit to rub it nicely, to hear you sigh and moan again. He was close too—he had been close before you even touched him—but he would have kept fucking you for days. It was the best feeling he ever experienced. Your cunt was better than heaven, he was sure of it. 

You came hard, writhing and crying out under him, creaming all over his flushed cock. Your walls fluttered around him, finally undoing the knot in Hyunjin’s abdomen. 

He came too, his cock throbbing, twitching, then pulsing into your wet cunt. The release was violent—his whole body convulsed over you as he emptied himself inside your fluttering pussy, flooding you, filling you to the brim, fucking his cum deeper inside you as you both came down your highs, enjoying the aftershocks of it. 

Hyunjin stayed inside you for a little while as his cock softened. He liked the feeling of that, the smell of sex permeating the room, your bodily fluids staining you and the furniture. 

You kissed his jaw, playing with his hair a little. He kissed your back—he liked kissing you. He hoped he would get to do it again. He hoped he would get to fuck you again, too. 

“Oh, god,” he mumbled when he did pull out, a thick string of cum still attached to you and his cock. “We made a huge mess.”

You shrugged, pulling yourself up a little to see. “I like messy,” you commented, carefully placing your soaked panties over your pussy. You kissed him again, with tongue, for a long time. “I’ll know who to call when I need a good fuck.” 

Hyunjin snorted, grabbing his pants to put them back on. “You know where to find me.” 

He watched as you got on your feet, imagining all of his cum moving inside you, sticking to the lace of your panties. “Goodnight, Hyunjin.” You kissed him again. And again. 

He kissed your forehead. “Goodnight. Uh… Do you want a towel? Something? You can shower if you want,” he added, his mind still cloudy from fucking you. 

You shook your head slowly and walked away without saying a word. Hyunjin took a few seconds to assess the situation, waiting for post-nut clarity to hit. It didn’t, not really. He wanted to ask you out on a date maybe. He wanted to ask you to come sleep in his bed—he’d fuck you again in the morning, or all night maybe.

But as he made his way toward the hallway, he saw you disappear into Jisung’s room instead of the bathroom. He stood in the dark, his heart beating fast, listening. What were you doing?

You spoke in a gentle voice. “Jisung, move over. I don’t wanna sleep on the couch. Make some space.” A pause. “I know you’re not really sleeping. Come on.” 

Hyunjin knew then that one time wasn’t enough—he had foolishly thought that maybe, fucking you once would rid him of this fantasy. But it only made it worse.

He couldn’t really sleep that night, the thought of you with his cum inside you, sleeping in your step-brother’s bed still full of him, haunted Hyunjin deliciously.

a/n: well....... long time no see? I took some time "off", giving myself a little writing break. Or more specifically, smut. Putting too much pressure on yourself will do that to you I guess.. anyway, I decided I should try little writing exercises to get back into it, and this is the first piece of smut I wrote in months! Sorry if I'm a bit rusty, but I hope that practicing will help me improve!

Thank you for your patience. I know I never update, I know I'm so so soooo slow at writing. I know you guys are waiting for frog boy, and lord hwang, etc, but I needed to "break the ice" with something else before. This is it. I also have another one-shot in the works that I will hopefully post soon!

You guys take care. And again, thank you! 💙

permanent taglist (if you'd like to stop being tagged, don't hesitate to reach out to me!) ♡ | @cb97percent @changbinluvr @neosracha @hwan-g @staytheword @j-0ne25 @leedunno @aimeexx @hyunskizz @lotus-dly @thestarseeker @skzho @suhomylife @abiaswreck @chanlovesme @binstitsweat @hyunjinswifeee @straydhampir @fwess @skizzel-reblogs @katsukis1wife @chans1aptop @erispancakes @skzfelixlove @hyunsungbased

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Something In The Rain | lmh

❝𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫.❞

↳ Chapter ¼ of Something In The Rain. Inside the polished walls of Help, Heart and Justice Limited, you work under the guidance of enigmatic senior attorney Lee Minho to support him and his legal team. And perhaps under all the professionalism, feelings stray, yet you’re committed to keeping said feelings buried whilst you pine from afar. Until an act of kindness on a dark, rainy evening turns everything upside down; for even the most put together of men must indulge their demonic appetites.

↳ Lee Know x female reader

↳ 9k

↳ Supernatural au, strangers/colleagues to lovers, office romance, lust demon Lee Know, eventual smut

! Explicit content, adult themes, suitable for 18+ readers only !

「Contents List」  「© May 2023 by jl-micasea-fics」

Rainy nights are truly among your favourite things.

It seems universally known that there is something inexplicably and inherently comforting about them.

To speak personally of your own comfort, it’s sitting in a space of your own making, wrapped up in warmth while outside the elements rage. You’re far from afraid of such weather—rather, you admire the raw power of nature—yet watching the downpour from the safety of indoors brings contentment. There is separation from the chill and the wet: you’re out of reach of the unforgiving bite. When the melodic patter of heavy raindrops bears down on you, there is stillness and serenity, and what follows is catharsis.

You long for such peace in this moment, as the unforgiving rain streaks the twenty-fifth-floor windows, distorting the dark panorama of the city.

You’re no stranger to long days, thoroughly conditioned to late office hours. Indeed, where others may be inclined to gripe about such overtime requirements, you consider it an obligation, for the nature of litigation demands an overinvestment of attention. Assisting a small team of attorneys under the much larger corporate umbrella of Help, Heart and Justice Limited equates you to something of a small fish in a big pond; your efforts to reach above and beyond the outline of your role go largely unnoticed by those that swim high above, assuredly carnivorous in proclivity. And that’s fine. It’s always been fine. You work to assist the people, for the people, neither assuming nor seeking praise.

At least, that’s what you tell yourself; that your reasons for lingering at the office are chaste and noble, that your integrity is intact when you bend over backwards to accommodate the enigmatic senior attorney that heads your team. To claim your efficiency and dedication is a product of anything other than an ironclad work ethic would be incomprehensibly unprofessional, wildly slanderous, a cruel accusation.

Keep reading

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part i: bodyguard!felix x reader

masterlist.

PART I.

Your father hires an inconspicuous bodyguard to accompany you at school and supervise you at home. What seems like an innocuous change in routine eventually spirals into a forbidden romance that grows more passionate over the next decade.

Companion series to my sharing the bed one-shot. Follows the relationship between reader&felix from beginning to end. It will be a multi-part series.

pairing: lee felix/reader content info: eventual smut. violence. parental abuse. situations of intense peril overall. forced proximity. enemies2lovers. angst with eventual happy ending.

-

One of your father’s disgruntled bodyguards shoves you for walking too slowly.  You have enough tenacity to glare at him when you stumble, but even at fourteen years old you are smart enough refrain from retaliation.   You know your father will not take your side as you are already in trouble for sneaking out last night.  You met with some school friends and attended a house party like a normal fourteen year old, a punishable offence because your life is anything but normal. 

You just hope this punishment is a physical one.  A few smacks might sting but you’ll get over it, whereas you don’t want to lose your already limited phone or computer privileges. 

You walk into your father’s office with the expectation you will be alone, so you stop short when you see the back of a stranger’s head. 

Your father’s guests are usually suited old men or pretty young women, not a beanie-wearing teenage boy.  He’s kicking his legs like he’s in an ice cream parlour and not in a chair across from one of the most powerful men in the country.  Your father is behind his desk, hands steepled and attention determinedly fixed on you.  Punishment time is the only time his attention is so rapt. 

The door closes behind you, the guard outside slamming it shut.  The boy in the chair looks over his shoulder at you.  He has a soft face, much too soft for a place like this, his cheeks sweetly freckled and mouth like a pretty pink bow.  He has dark eyes, his eyebrows the same shade of dark brown.  His hair has been dyed a strawberry blonde, bangs sweeping out from under the beanie.  He has to flick them out of his eyes as he looks you over.  

You stare at him.  A change in routine does not bode well for you and this is a massive change. 

The boy just smiles.  It is disarming in its sweetness and it petrifies you.  You know how to behave when an ugly brute glares at you but a pretty boy smiling is unnerving. 

Your father clears his throat.  You and the boy both look his way, the boy dropping his gaze in a subservient way while you glare. 

“Daughter,” your father says coolly.  He gestures to the free chair beside the boy. 

Some days, when you are feeling especially petulant or when your father is distracted with his phone even while meting out punishment, you will stomp your foot and refuse him.  Maybe it is your stunned bemusement, but today you oblige without argument. 

Your gaze drifts to the boy as you approach your seat.  The boy does not look at you.

He looks like a normal teenage boy, wearing a hoodie under a flannel and blue jeans ripped at the knee, but you know better.  There is always a flaw and this one is immediately jarring: his shoes are army regulation boots, the same as your father’s guards, albeit smaller.  You have no idea why he would need them.  He looks about your age and is a slender, delicate thing. 

“Sit,” your father says.   You realize you have standing there, staring.  You look at your father and obey, sinking into the other chair.  “Good.”  Your father folds his hands on his desk.  “My loving daughter,” he says dryly, “It has occurred to me that your present circumstances are not the most conducive to your development and well-being.”

You cannot help but scoff.  Talk about understatement of the century.   

The security teams?  The constant surveillance? The knowledge that your wealthy father has accrued so many enemies that you can barely step outside without feeling threatened?

The fact you desperately want something bad to happen, because at least it would be different than the bad in here? 

Your father just frowns.

“Don’t test my patience,” he says.  “Especially as I have constructed a compromise according to your whims, young lady.” 

Your brow furrows.  You have no idea where this is going but you know you won’t like it, because you never like it. 

“I only want what’s best for you,” your father says.  “You’re my daughter, after all.  My only child and my only heir.  I want you protected but I want you capable, and you can’t be expected to thrive with the company of my men constantly surrounding you.” 

Your heart kicks up with hope even while your brain knows better.  Your father is not a generous man and he is clever with his words.  There is a reason he has reached the heights he has reached.  No one is better than your father and your father settles for no less than the best in turn. 

You are an agonizing disappointment, but you lash out because you would be a disappointment regardless.  Your father does not want a human daughter but a plastic doll that he can lock away until it has use, at which point he expects unending gratitude for your very existence.    

This might sound like a concession of freedom but you know him better than that.  The vice is tightening, not loosening.  You will never be free. 

“I have a gift for you,” your father says.  “This is Felix.” 

You and the boy, Felix, look at each other.  Felix smiles again.  He has the audacity to wave at you, a little salute and cutesy tip of the head. 

Your nostrils flare with a sharp intake of breath.  You look at your father. 

“What is this?” you ask, so much wrong with this scenario that you don’t know where to start.

Your father smiles for the first time since you walked in the room.  He needs to be in the position of highest power and that is obtained through making everyone else small.  The more visibly uncomfortable you are, the more at ease he feels.  He slouches comfortably in his big chair as he stares you down.  You feel trapped in the little seat across his desk.    

“This,” your father says, “is your new bodyguard.” 

You look at Felix again.  He is once more looking at your father like an obedient little puppy.  It’s for the best as you are certain your expression is betraying every single thought.  You are angry, confused, frightened.  The confusion worsens your other emotions. 

“Bodyguard,” you repeat.  “He looks like he’s twelve.” 

“I’m fourteen,” Felix says, startling you with a deep voice that does not remotely match his face.  The rounder sounds are accented with an Australian twang.   “Same as you.” 

You look at each other again.  You hide your confusion under a piercing glare.  Felix draws his mouth into a flat line, not quite smiling, not quite frowning.   He taps his fingers on the arm of the chair, a mismatched rhythm, some song only he can hear.   His leg bounces. 

You look at your father. 

“Fourteen,” you say.  “And short.  And skinny.  Look at him!  I could throw him out a window!”

“You could try,” your father says, drole.  “You wouldn’t succeed.  Oh, hush.”  He swipes a hand through the air when you open your mouth to speak again.  “Felix is more than competent, believe me.”  

Your father would not hire a second rate bodyguard, but there is simply no way this Felix kid is good for anything.  You just can’t believe it.  This is a test of some kind, maybe a mind game. 

Your hackles are up and they won’t come down.  Felix flicks some hair out of his eyes and the motion makes you jump.  He doesn’t comment.  He clears his throat and sits a little straighter, looking like every goody-two-shoes keener you ever gave a sneer. 

“You will no longer require a full security detail,” your father says.  “Not at home or at school.  No where, barring certain occasions under my discretion.”   

This has your heart racing again.  Currently, your father has guards posted in several places around your school.  No one but the school administrators know they are for you, but that doesn’t matter because you know.  You know they are not general security, that they are specifically watching your every move.  If you skip a meal or eat too much, they know.  If you talk to one person and not another, they know.  If you forget to do homework or flunk a test, they know.  If you put on more make-up or roll up your skirt, they know.  If you fall, if you laugh, if you flirt, if you breathe a little too hard, they know, and they report it all back to your father. 

It doesn’t end there.  They keep you on a schedule for your “protection” and if you stray from that agenda, they are on you.  That means no chatting too long after class, no extended bathroom breaks, no stopping to smell a fucking flower.  In the car, out the car, through the doors, at your seat, at your locker, upstairs, downstairs, fuck, fuck, fuck.  How you’ve lasted this long, not even you know. 

You spend all day suffocating under the extension of your father’s eyes, then you return home, flanked by bodyguards, only to be stuck with supervision until you are finally permitted to go to bed.  Naturally, this is the easiest time to escape so you are in the habit of breaking out at night.  You’re good at it too.  Most nights you move without any detection, having memorized all the chinks in the mansion’s high-tech security armor.  Last night was the result of some bad luck. 

Now you are here, your heart racing, your breath catching. 

It must be a trick.  You look at Felix then your father, trying to hide your eagerness and your suspicion. 

“In exchange, you will have Felix,” your father says.  “He will attend school with you as a classmate.  He is in all your classes and extra-curriculars.  You are to keep him with you at all times of day.  He will accompany you everywhere at all times of day.”  Your father leans in.  “Do you understand that?  At all times of day.”   

It does not sound too different from the security team other than the obvious fact there is only one of Felix.  Even if Felix is the most skilled bodyguard in the world, he is still just one person.   It seems too good to be true so it must be.   Your father is waiting until you are comfortable so he can rip the rug out from under you, to put you in your place, which is flat on your back like a stupid, helpless, needy baby.    

You will not give him the satisfaction.  Curtly, you say, “I understand.”

“Good,” your father says.  “I’m having a new bed installed in your bedroom as we speak.  It should be ample space for two people without your privacy being overly encroached.  When you get home, you will clear a space for Felix to move his things into your room.” 

Despite your effort to remain neutral, obvious surprise blinks across your face. 

“Wait, what?” you ask, darting forward in your seat.  “What are you talking about?”

Your father tips his head as if perplexed with your outburst. 

“Did you think you were getting away with something?” he asks.  “Constantly sneaking out at night, evading my men.  Do you know every time you pull a childish stunt like that, it endangers me and my business just as much as you?”

Your anger bubbles to the surface as quickly as his, cold laughter punching out of you as you say, “Oh! Your business!  Of fucking course!”

“Don’t use vulgar language with me, child!”

“Don’t call me a child!” you snap back with as much fervour.  “I’m fourteen years old!  I’m not a little kid and I don’t need some other idiot kid babysitting me!  I don’t need anyone fucking watching me!” 

Felix is sitting ramrod straight, his eyes flicking back and forth between you and your father.  He says nothing.  He just sniffs and scratches a little circle on the exposed skin of his knee. 

“You are my daughter, this is my house, and I will do with both as I please,” your father says. 

“Then maybe I don’t want to be in this house!” you shout. 

“You want to leave?” your father asks.  He smacks a vicious hand down on his desk, rattling his computer.  “Go ahead.  Pick yourself up and walk out that door.  Where are you going to go from here?  You have no money and no skills and no protection.  See how long it takes someone to pick you up off the street.  You don’t want to be my daughter?  You want me to ignore you when they put a gun to your head?  The least they will do is kill you, you stupid little thing.  But go on, since you’re so wise and brave and all grown-up.  Walk out that door.  I dare you.”      

You sit on the very edge of your seat, your hands balled into fists.  You long to swing them at his smug face but you can only sit there, vibrating with rage. 

“Do you have something more to say?” your father asks. 

You kick his desk, the adrenaline forcing it out of you.  He smacks a mug and it smashes on the floor.  Felix still does not react, though his gaze does linger on the broken mug. 

“What about him!” you shriek, pointing at Felix.  It draws his attention back to you, his eyebrow lifting at your pointed finger.  “You’re going to leave me alone with a boy?  In bed?”  You imbue this exclamation with all the suggestive horror you can.  “I can’t share a room with a boy!  What if he’s a pervert!   What if he takes pictures of me!  What if he rapes me!  You really trust some random boy to be alone with me?!”

The silence that follows is somehow more shrill than the yelling.  Your father stares at you, resolutely focussed with such a cold glare that you shiver. 

Felix shuffles in his seat.  His mouth opens and he looks contemplative, weighing his words, but your father speaks before he can. 

“Felix,” he says, “put your hand on the desk.” 

Felix delays only seconds, more surprised by the order than reluctant.  He obediently rests his hand on the desk, palm facing up. 

Without looking away from you, your father grabs that hand and flips it over.  Felix jerks, his feet planting, but he manages to restrain whatever instinct rattled him.  He looks at his hand, at where your father pins it to the wood. 

You look there too, fuming, then you look at your father.  He is still glaring at you, even when he reaches into his desk.  Your brow furrows when he retrieves an enveloper opener, a sleek little knife, shiny and sharp.  He smacks it onto the table beside Felix’s hand.  It makes you jump.    

Felix just looks at the knife, tipping his head as if only mildly curious.   

“Felix,” your father says. “Pick up that knife.”  He leans back in his desk chair and crosses his arms, his expression bland and uncaring as he looks at you.  You shake less from fury than fear, looking from your father to Felix. 

Felix picks up the knife with his free hand.  He looks at it, his expression revealing nothing. 

“Thank you,” your father says. 

He has not looked away from you even once, asserting his knowledge that Felix will obey without his supervision.  You try to be as steadfast as him.  You act like you couldn’t care less about the unknown boy and his freckles and beanie.  This is between you and your father.  You glare just as fiercely.  

“Now, Felix,” your father says, “I am going to count down from three, then you are going to drive that knife into your hand.  All the way through to the desk.  I trust you know the spot that will do the least lasting damage.” 

Your gaze whips from your father to Felix, staring at him wide-eyed as the stupid boy doesn’t even flinch.  He just turns the knife over.  His brow briefly pinches as he rests the tip of the knife against a soft spot on the back of his hand. 

Your horrified brain is already several paces ahead, picturing his bloodied hand pinned to the wooden desk.  You taste bile and it is only partially for the gore.  The rest is for the fact Felix does nothing more than blink at his hand. 

“Three,” your father says.  “Two.” 

You scream, “Stop!” at the same your father says, “One.”

You tackle Felix.  The adrenaline flies out of you the same as that kick.  The knife clatters to the desk and both your chairs fly out from under you. 

Felix is fast.  He flips you around so he takes the brunt of the fall, your head pillowing on his stomach when you land in a tangled heap on the floor.  His beanie falls off when his head hits the ground.  He barely winces, looking down at you. 

You stare back at him, breathing hard.

“Are you fucking insane?” you ask.  Tears fill your eyes, much to your horror.  You try to suck them in because there is nothing you hate more than crying in front of your father.   You don’t even know what is prompting the tears.  Maybe it’s the forced recollection of how thoroughly his guards have invaded your life, the revelation that you will be forced to share every living moment with another intruder, or the fact he almost maimed a fourteen year old boy just to make a point. 

Or, maybe, the fact you fell for it like you always do.  Just a stupid little girl, high in her emotions, vulnerable and weak and in need of intervention. 

You push away from Felix, directing all your emotions at him. 

“You’re a fucking lunatic,” you say, spitting when you talk.  “What did you think you were doing?  Freak.  Do you think you’re brave?  You’re an idiot.”

Felix props himself up on his elbows, just staring back at you.  His gaze flicks up when your father stands.  That awful man circles the desk to look down at you. 

You refuse to look up.  You wipe your arm under your nose.  Tears blur your vision.

“Felix,” your father says, “there is a car waiting outside.  Take my daughter home.  She is not to leave the house tonight.” 

You wrench your arm away when Felix tries to help you up.  He says nothing to your glare but at least he’s smart enough not to smile again.  He gets up and dusts off his pants, then retrieves his beanie.   You clamber to your feet and march toward the door without looking back or waiting.  Only when your hand is on the doorknob does your father call your name. 

You freeze, wanting so badly to ignore him and storm outside, but once the coldness settles in your veins you cannot move. 

“Come here,” your father says.  As if under a spell, you can only move when he demands it.  You turn, facing him as he approaches.   You hold still, your eyes full of tears and fists curled at your side. 

Your father walks up and swiftly strikes you across the face.  Tears spill over and you grab your cheek, heaving with frightened breath as your useless new bodyguard just stands there and watches. 

Your father sighs. 

“You’ll learn,” he says.  “One way or another.  If I have to chip at you with an axe until you take my shape, I’ll do it.  You’ll thank me one day.  Felix.  Take her home.  Now.” 

You let Felix take your arm and guide you out of the room, too drained to fight him.   

-

You refuse to be accommodating.  If you’re unhappy then you will make Felix unhappy too, and if Felix is unhappy then maybe he will leave.  Then your father will be unhappy and you finally won’t be.     

You glare at the massive new bed taking up space in your room.  It is still a big room otherwise, with plenty of space for two people, but your things are spread out everywhere and you have no intention of moving them.  Instead, you empty out a single bedside drawer and point to it. 

“There,” you say.  “That’s yours.”

Felix is standing in the bedroom doorway wearing a backpack.  He looks around the room, not sneering at its lacey, ivory princess-ness but not looking too enamoured either.  He is passive as ever, quietly receiving his surroundings.  He closes the door behind himself and shrugs the backpack down to the crease of his elbow. 

“Kk,” he says.  He puts his backpack on the floor by the bed then takes off his beanie and puts it in the drawer.  He sits on the edge of the bed, hands folded in his lap.  He stares at the wall. 

What a weirdo. 

You stare at him until he looks at you, then you scoff and roll your eyes.  You dump your things on your desk and stalk over to your private bathroom door.   

“Can I go pee without your supervision, or do you need to hold my hand?” you ask sarcastically. 

“I don’t need to,” Felix says, “but, uhhh, I guess I can if you need help.  But if you have a problem with doing it by yourself then we should probably take you to a doctor.  I know first aid but I can’t really help with incontinence or like the opposite. Lol.” 

He says the word lol out loud, a single grating syllable.  You do not dignify his weird humour with a response.  You stomp into your bathroom and slam the door shut.   

There are bars on the bathroom window now.  You grab the nearest bottle of soap and chuck it there, furious when tears spring back to your eyes.  You feel violated even in your privacy, glaring at those bars as you shower and wash away the day. 

You look at your reflection in the mirror, touching where your cheek feels tender from your father’s strike.  He usually doesn’t hit your face or anywhere someone could see swelling or a cut.  You suppose today’s slap was more personal than strategic.

You put on a thick sweatshirt and sweatpants.  When you step back into your room, the weirdo is standing at the window with his hands behind his back.  He is wearing just his ripped jeans and a t-shirt, plus those ugly army boots.  He looks at you when you open the door, giving you a brief assessing stare before he smiles. 

It would disarm someone more naïve.  You just glare. 

“Where are your things?” you ask. 

He tips his head like an inquisitive cat.  “Huh?” he asks.

“Your things,” you say venomously.  “Aren’t you moving them in here?” 

“Uh, I did,” he says.  He turns and points to his side of the bed.  “You gave me a drawer, remember?”

This kid unpacked a beanie. 

Maybe it’s a good sign he isn’t fully moving in.  Maybe this whole charade is just your father threatening you.  He will torture you with this invader until he thinks you have learned a lesson, then things will go back to normal.  Felix probably isn’t even a proper bodyguard, and how could he be?  A skinny, pretty fourteen year old boy?  He’s probably an actor or model or something. 

You give him a derisive smirk and shove past him.  He just shrugs and approaches the bathroom door, pausing before entering.  He looks back at you.

“Don’t go anywhere, yeah?” he says, then walks into the bathroom and closes the door. 

You exhale sharply.  You had no intention of going anywhere, honestly too exhausted to do anything but putter around on the computer, but fuck this kid.  He’s your father’s paid actor or some other nonsense, so who does he think he is to give you any orders? 

You storm out of the room with the intention of marching around outside, but you stumble when you enter the upstairs corridor.  

The huge house is eery in its silence.  You shudder as you look around.  

Even when your father is not home, the security team is here.  Someone is always awake, at least one person keeping guard in the corridor, the rest of them scattered in the house and guest house.  But they’re gone.  They’re all genuinely gone.  And because it is late evening, all the housekeepers and cleaners are gone too.  You have not been in a house this empty your entire life.  It feels uncanny, ghostly even.  It completely halts your half-baked plan to leave, not that you planned on going much further than the pool-house.

You stand still, suspended in the unfamiliar emptiness.    

“Whatcha doin’?”  Felix’s freaky deep voice is suddenly right beside you.  You jump away from with a startled squeak.  He just stands there, his mouth in that stupid flat line, his shaggy blonde hair bouncing when he tips his head. 

“Nothing,” you snap, annoyed that he scared you.  “I’m just going to the kitchen for a snack.  Is that against the fucking law now?”    

“It’s not really healthy to eat this late at night,” Felix says, “but it’s not illegal.  That would be weird.”

“I hate you,” you say.  His even temperament has been driving you insane, so it is satisfying to see a flicker of genuine surprise on his face.  “Just leave me alone.” 

“Sorry,” he says, recovering quickly.  His voice is steady.  “Can’t do that.  Sort of my job, you know?”

You roll your eyes then turn and stomp all the way down the stairs.  Felix trails behind you without protest, not making much noise despite the boots but he is impossible to ignore regardless. 

You go to the kitchen and open the fridge.  You aren’t hungry but you feel like you have to eat something now just to prove a point.  

Felix ambles up to the counter and perches himself on a stool.  You look over your shoulder at him.  He waves. 

“I’m not making you anything,” you snap. 

“That’s fine.”  He folds his hand on the counter.  “I’m not hungry.  Thank you.” 

You reach into the fridge and grab an eggplant out of the produce drawer.  It is a ridiculous response, but you decide to out-weird the weirdo, making eye contact as you bite in the raw eggplant.  You try to hide your displeasure, chewing the thick vegetable slowly.  Felix tips his head very far then straightens.  His eyes narrow. 

“I’m pretty sure that’s toxic,” he says. 

You stop chewing. 

“Yeah,” he says.  “Eggplant, yeah.  I think when it’s raw it’s like not good for you or something?  I think there’s like a chemical in it.  Maybe it’s only if you eat a lot of it, uhhh, I don’t know.  Just in case, I wouldn’t eat it like that if I were you.” 

You stare at him with a chunk of raw eggplant still on your tongue.  He could be bluffing.  He could be playing mind games.  He could be telling the truth, since he delivered each sentence so uncertainly.  Maybe he’s just bad at mind games.  You’re good at them.  You’ve been playing them since you were a child, so you just stare him down, swallow the eggplant, then take another bite. 

His brow furrows.  You are pretty sure your displeasure is a little more obvious now, your mouth partially open as you chew.   Felix did not balk at stabbing his own hand but he looks very scandalized right now.   You consider it a success. 

“Stop it,” Felix says. 

You take another bite, ripping into it with a ferocious tear. 

“What are you doing?” he asks.  “What? Are you trying to commit suicide by eggplant?”

You just shrug, chewing with your mouth wide open now.   His stool scrapes the ground and you brace yourself, shuffling in the opposite direction when he circles the kitchen island. 

“Spit it out,” he says. 

“No,” you say, spitting eggplant as you say it.  You very nearly choke. 

“Seriously,” Felix says.  “This isn’t funny.” 

You chew obnoxiously big in his direction and he pounces, smoothly intercepting your escape.   He cages you in against the counter, blocking you when you try to move. You drop the rest of the eggplant and push at him, dribbling mushy vegetable and cursing through your mouthful. 

“Spit. It. Out,” he says, putting his hand under your mouth like a mother to a baby.  You shove that hand away, then try to shove his face away.  He clearly doesn’t want to get too physical with you, but eventually he grabs your chin and holds you still, your face pinched in his hand.   You stare at him, breathing hard through your nose.  “Stop it,” he says. 

The house is empty.  The house is genuinely, seriously, completely empty.   Your father trusts Felix that much. 

Who is this fucking kid? 

You spit the eggplant at him.  It spatters on his shirt and wins you an eye roll.  It’s the first expression from him to make you smile. 

“Bed time,” he says, stepping back to brush the mess off his shirt. 

You cross your arms and lean against the counter.  “No,” you say. 

“No?” he asks.  His deep voice fractures with a higher-pitched sound of surprise.   “Why not?” 

Because you hate your father and everything he puts you through.  Because petty victories are your only victories.  Because there is something seriously wrong with Felix if this is his life situation, and there is something seriously wrong with you for the same reason. 

So you shrug.  “Make me,” you say. 

There is a beat of silence.

Then the world is upside down because Felix picks you up and slings you over his shoulder.  You cry out, slapping his back as he marches to the stairs.  Where is he even hiding this strength? 

“Put me down!”  You pound on his backside while he carries you up the stairs.  “When my father hears about this—”

He puts you down on the landing, swinging up a step to afford him an extra foot of height over you.  He holds your wrist in his hand and looks at you very seriously. 

“What?” he asks.  “When he hears about me doing my job?” 

You try to tug your hand back but Felix holds it tight.

“Are you serious right now?” you ask.  You continue to squirm your hand in his grip.  “Who the fuck are you?  What do you even get out of this?” 

“What do you get out of this - this - everything?” he asks.  

“I get my life,” you snap.  “In pieces and only for a little bit, but mine.”

“Me too,” he says. 

A breathless silence follows.  You realize you are holding his hand, having twisted and turned so much that he clasped your fingers with his.   You both look there then at each other.  You abruptly let go. 

“Can we go to bed?”  Felix asks, softening his voice.  “Please.” 

Your lower lip wobbles.  You look at the stain on his shirt.  You think about his hand on that desk. 

“And what about my other question?” you ask. 

He tips his head again, but his expression is no longer neutral.  He wears his confusion openly, briefly but substantially. 

“What?” he asks. 

“My other question,” you say, blinking back your tears.  “Who are you?” 

“You tell me first,” he says.  “Who are you?” 

It’s easier to fight and scream than plainly express yourself.  No one ever listens, so you are not practiced.  You have Felix’s undivided attention but it suddenly feels like too much.  You do not have it in you to glare anymore.  You meet his pained gaze with your own and join him on the next step. 

“I’m tired,” you say.  “Let’s go to bed.” 

He goes to check the security system while you get ready for bed.  You are already nestled under the covers, shivering despite the thick layers because the house sounds so quiet and you are honestly scared.  You jump when the door opens and Felix enters, your eyes meeting in the dim light.  He looks away first, going about his own routine.  You turn your back to him. 

The bed is big but you still feel it dip when he gets inside.  You look over your shoulder.  He is laying on his back with his eyes closed.  He is clearly still awake but the semblance of sleep accentuates the natural innocence of his face.  You have seen the flicker of a few deeper emotions, none of them childish, but he looks his age while laying there. 

His eyes open.  He glances at you.  You wonder what you look like to him. 

“Good night,” he says, shattering the terrifying silence. 

You don’t argue it.  You just nod then turn away, closing your eyes, letting the sound of his breathing lull you to sleep faster than usual.