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The wedding
Lindley married Josh Seals on July 8, 2023! It’s still hard to wrap my brain around - she is married! She’s a wife! The process was fun, stressful, emotional… allllll the things. I wrestled because I couldn’t be as involved as I would’ve liked because it was in Indy. She seemed to struggle planning this huge thing, and trying to keep her mom and MIL happy.🤪 It was a journey for all of us! I’d like to think that we all came out closer and more appreciative of each other tho. Erica kept reminding me that this is what we prayed for- that she would find a guy who loves Jesus and loves her. Period. Nothing else REALLY matters. Other things do matter but not nearly as much.
I cried more tears over this than ever before. But once it was done, my tears have also been done. And for that I am grateful. I was beginning to feel unstable. I’d just melt at the smallest thing. It’s a crazy thing when your child is doing these adult things apart from you. Certainly she has done adult things before this but now her primary support and the primary voice she’ll listen to will be Josh. As it should be. But it’s hard. Hard to reign in my opinions and thoughts and be careful what I share. Hard not to feel displaced by his family who lives close by and they see all the time. Hard to have her not be a Neebes anymore. That was one thing that took me by surprise. I don’t like it at all! 😂Makes me think of my parents and how sensitive or insensitive I was 28 years ago. Likely my mom had similar feelings. Because moms do. It’s seems to be a little bit universal. And human.
But the wedding- it was beautiful! It rained early and then the skies cleared and it wasn’t even terribly hot- how we worried about the heat and the rain. The back up plans- all the options. So much of what worries me- how it would all work in the barn was handled beautifully by Destiny Friesen the wedding coordinator. We talked through every detail, but I still worried. She just did it all- while we got our hair and makeup done and got dressed, she handled ALL the things at the barn. Carrie, Cari and Laurie came down Thursday morning to help with a DIY flower session (I.e. we did all the flowers ourselves with guidance from the florist!), then the Fosses and Lawson’s picked up the food from Bluffton and Caleb Mitchell ran all over Indy getting water and ice. Alair helped set up the barn on Saturday- Kristin and Tim were so helpful by coming early and helping with everything. It was great! It really took a village- and this isn’t every mentioning the Seals village- who set, up, helped with hair and makeup, made breakfast and lunch on the wedding day, worked by serving food, bartending, parking cars, passing out programs, moving benches, and the list goes on! There were so many moving parts that it made my brain spin. But the Lord was so gracious and it was AMAZING! Lindley and Josh just looked so dreamy and giddy. And they looked like they were having so much FUN!! 🕺 💃
Kevin did an amazing welcome, speech and blessing. Mal did an amazing toast, and Kevin and lindley did a hilarious dance. I was THRILLED that I didn’t have anything to do once the ceremony got started. We connected with friends old and new and enjoyed ourselves. We’re so so grateful to the Lord for his kindness.
💕💕Mr and Mrs Seals
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Home instead
What an amazing adventure- Kevin has been thriving owning this franchise and I’m so proud of him! Today is a carepro quarterly meeting with a Hawaiian theme and he energetically ran out the door with his flowery shirt on. He’s energized. He’s challenged. He LOVES IT ALL!
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Poland
Mal is in Poland with a church mission trip- I’m so excited for her to travel without us and to have this amazing adventure. She’s already sent some pics and it looks grand. They’re helping at a music camp which is right up her alley and she’s teaching electric guitar, which she doesn’t even really know how to play but she’s fine with that! 😂First it was drums and she was fine with that too but was secretly relieved when it got switched to guitar. She’s also the MC and I can’t wait to hear how that goes. She already organized them (the staff during training) to do a camp rock line.
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James is 15
How is my baby boy 15? I can’t get over how he has grown the past few years. He now a huge man child who is taking driver’s ed (online) and starting high school. How? He’s still the same in so many ways underneath his tough and quiet exterior. Still tender and loving and kind and sweet. Still relaxed and go with the flow. I’ll wake him now bc he has a 3on3 tournament to play in the day after his bday. I think it’s the best way for him to celebrate. Love him so.
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This morning - the day after James turned fifteen - Lindley is recently home from her honeymoon and Mallory is in Poland- is lovely. Not too hot or humid and I’m sitting listening to my Bible reading for the day on the front porch in our swings. The crickets or cicadas or whatever are humming above. Occasional voices from neighbors and golfers. A random dog barks and someone is mowing their lawn. I love to sit and swing and think and pray. I’m grateful for slow mornings to contemplate the lines on the neighbor’s lawn from their lawn mower. The tidy repetition is soothing in a world that is complicated and sometimes hard. Swinging always helps. James swings. Maybe that’s why.
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The recap of several years in a row 🫣
June 2023
Right now I’m sitting in the backseat of a different car (I drove a minivan for 20 years and now have a smaller car a rav4, which is cute and fun to drive but I admit I miss a big car! Maybe this one will become a car for one of the kids one day…) listening to my grown daughters chatter about life and Taylor swift and in the heights and…life. It’s otherworldly and beautiful to be one adult among many instead of the adult (well one of two:). I realized that I haven’t written in so long not because I haven’t had things to write but because the speed of life has had me running and barely a chance to catch my breath.
I’m not going to do a good job recapping three years but I’ll try my best
2020 fall: Lindley went back to Purdue -thankfully to an apt- the dorms were not fun during covid. we went back to school at BCS with plexiglass, masks shield and terribly smelly hand sanitizer. I had to teach in the classrooms all year since they were tying to minimize the kids leaving their safe spaces and infecting others. There were too many cases and quarantined to count.
Mal had covid in late oct but didn’t suffer too much. Mostly a really bad headache. So james and I had to stay out of school for two weeks. I started getting really good at recording myself teaching and making viable music lessons from afar. James and I painted the big room in the basement (oh we also changed out the flooring in the sunroom during the spring 2020 lockdown).
At thanksgiving we didn’t know how to plan with the cleveland family and in the end it just felt too risky esp with the grandparents, so we rented a little cabin in southern Indiana and hike and explored caves- it was pretty fun. Sadly lindleys found out after she was already with us that she had covid. So she masked most of the weekend. Funny moment: when you open up what you think is a turkey and it’s HAM! Ham for thanksgiving….. no bueno!
Christmas was strange also - we did a drive thru in the 24th in Cleveland. JT had his party outside in the garage with heaters. We stopped by Grammy’s and nana and grandpa’s houses and unfortunately unknowingly infected them:( when we got home lindley started not feeling great and we found out she had covid again. We were so worried that the grandparents would freak out but no one had symptoms so they were fine. We loved it when lindley would come home for break and even though it was hard to see her go she loved Purdue and her friends. That year she lived in an apt with Cori, Lydia, and Alexis. Next door was Libby, Hailey, Mackenzie and….?? Those girls also went to Guatemala together the next summer and had a fabulous time!
I hardly remember the second semester in 21- things were still online-like ISSMA- Mal recorded her solo at Sweetwater, james was in 7th grade, playing soccer for United and playing the saxophone at school. Things eased up as the year went on at BCS thankfully. Public schools were a mess all year- they had students come every other day so that there weren’t as many ppl in the building at the same time and the students could stay 6 ft apart. It was a mess for families whose parents needed to work out of the home. As the students were virtual in their off days. Many people say that not much learning and much stress happened that year. The seniors who graduated and began college are who I feel the worst for. So challenging.
By the summer, things were beginning to feel more normal. We could always notice a difference between Ohio and Indians tho- Ohio was much stricter. More masks for longer- more stores closed down etc.
Black Lives Matter and the me too movement were huge at this time. The George Floyd murder at the hands of cops set into motion a wave of protest and outrage in the nation. It hope it all produced some change.
Mallory worked at Old Navy that summer (masked the whole time) and enjoyed it although never really wanted to go back. She was good friends with Maddie Lehman during this time.
Lindley went to Guatemala after meeting a boy at a wedding in May ❤️ that boy ended up being the one 💕and they are getting married in three weeks! We love Josh and are excited to welcome him into our family. She is home for several days and now and we are working on wedding details. I love having her home and am feeling nostalgic that the 5 of us won’t be a unit any more. There is nothing bad about it, it’s just change…. 😢
Both girls had their senior years at the same time - Lindley dating Josh and trying to figure out her life :) she lived with Tori and Olivia Coats in an apartment off campus and second semester went back and forth between Indy and Purdue as she had an internship at Riley hospital there. She really loved the hospital setting and hopes to be able to return after getting her masters one day. Josh came to Cleveland with us that Thanksgiving and got to meet the extended family.
Mallory had a rough beginning to her senior year as he friendship with Maddie broke up and she never really knew why or had an closure from that. So hard. She began a close friendship with Will Guthrie after getting close to him at Youth group and began dating him in November. The group went in a backpacking trip to northern Michigan (north manitou island) and she sadly got Lyme disease from a tick bite and it resulted in Bell’s palsy for about 6 weeks- one half of her face was paralyzed!! It was pretty crazy- she had to tape her eye shut at night because she couldn’t blink it and put eye drops in frequently to keep it moist. She was on medication and things did clear up although it is something she’ll need to mention to every doctor for the rest of her life probably. :( even with that she had a great soccer season, chapel leadership went great, and she thrives through it. Her college auditions were delayed bc of her Bell’s palsy, but by January she was ready. She applied to many schools but zeroed in in Wheaton and Belmont and decided to audition there. After receiving a very personal acceptance letter from Hope College she also decided to add that to her list, and that was the place she loved the most. We were all surprised but it has been a great place for her!
James just loved life as the little brother of a cool senior - playing soccer and getting taller by the day. He is still easy going and kind of quiet. Once Mal left for school we realized exactly HOW quiet and introverted he really is. I wonder if we have talked over him all of these years? Has he had something to say that we’ve ignored? Maybe we’re making up for lost time now. He doesn’t complain and also doesn’t like extra attention which might make him think deeply about emotions etc 😂 or maybe he’s just easy. Is that a thing? I think for james there is a part of him that is. He goes with the flow, doesn’t make waves, is mostly happy to do whatever is going on and can be convinced by his sisters esp to do just about anything:) it’s pretty great!
As a family we got into watching some shows together which have been fun- amazing race, Lego masters, survivor, marvel movies and series.
We went camping several times at pokagon, Mal and Kevin hiked the red river gorge, and youth group took Mal and separately james (and Kevin as a chaperone) up to manitou island to backpack. They all really loved it.
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2020
2020 had a nice ring to it until the coronavirus invaded our world. no, none of us are sick, but MANY around the world are and it’s infecting more people than they can treat at the same time. SO, life is officially cancelled until further notice. this is so strange, but school, church, movie theatres, restaurants, bars, beaches....are ALL closed! it’s only march and it feels a little apocalyptic (say that 5 times fast!)
so, we’re trying to figure out how to do school at home. watching lots of movies, playing games, doing puzzles, throw in a little whining and that’s a good picture!
but other things have happened before our current crisis - mallory got her driver’s license! she jokes that it’s so fun to have her license and have literally NO WHERE to go! She also got a PERFECT score at ISSMA or ISMMA or ISMAA?? I can never remember. she got a gold locally then a perfect score at state - who does that?
lindley is home because of the virus and its fun and weird to have her here. at first staying on campus and doing online school was an option, but last week they decided everyone who could needed to go home. she was off for spring break last week so has just started the online school today and will figure out a rhythm, but it will take time.
humanity is either hoarding grocery and cleaning essentials or sharing love, and music and free books online. it’s disturbing and lovely to watch. but sometimes i just have to pull away. i don’t FEEL stressed but that’s very me - my shoulders are tight and my skin is itchy.....yep, i’m stressed. but not so much about the virus getting us but more about our world being so uncertain. and having ALL THE PEOPLE in my house ALL THE TIME. I’m a little bit of an introvert so....there’s that!
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the latest
i don’t know how to start, so i’ll just jump right in...
lindley is away at college! that girl that changed my life forever now has the audacity to leave me. :) i’m so happy for her though. and we MISS her! but she’s loving it and that makes it all ok. purdue was a good choice for her - she knew it, but i remained unconvinced. it’s huge and kind of scary. but she is thriving there. she’s found friends, gotten involved with young life and will soon be serving a local middle school in ministry. classes are going well, she’s working hard. it was hard at first, mostly because of trying to connect with ryan - different places, experiences and distractions, but they’ve figured it out. I wouldn’t have been surprised if they felt it wasn’t worth the work or stress, but they're plugging away, working on compromising etc.
Her last 6 months at home were A LOT. so much emotional stress for me (which is mostly gone now that she is settled). SO many big decisions (college), SO many exciting things going on at school (homecoming queen & ryan was king (awwwww), the beginning of their relationship, student council work that went right up to the end of the year, graduation and party!). These things are always harder with the oldest and I’ll be wiser when it’s Mal’s turn. but it was also FUN! so many things to celebrate. she’s a lovely girl who loves Jesus and wants to serve Him. she’s kind and fun and generous and loving. she’s also coming home soon for thanksgiving and it will be wonderful to all be under one roof. we miss her. did i say that?
and, along the lines of being lovely, there is Mallory. she’s in high school now and really, truly is lovely. she’s smart, she’s driven, she’s talented, she is the whole package. but she also hasn't always cared what people thought about her. that can be freeing, but it can also produce someone who is unkind. there is something to being interested in how you are perceived so that you can love better. Jesus didn’t command us to take over the world! be the boss! be the best at everything you put your hand to! no, he commands us to love. love looks different with every personality, but there is a commonality of humility and softness that is critical. as mal has grown it is evident that in addition to all of her many gifts and talents, the Lord is blessing her with a soft and kind heart. last year, she even won an award at school for it. it was actually an all around awesome award. it was for the one person in the middle school who excelled in all areas - academically and spiritually. wow. that is absolutely amazing. ok, girl, go conquer the world, as long as you are kind when you do it.
she’s loving high school - she was ready for the academic rigor and for the boys to not be so annoying - the second part hasn't come to fruition yet, but she’s loving everything else. soccer was great, and she was a huge contributing factor to her team’s success. she tried out for and was accepted into the fort wayne philharmonic youth orchestra. that has been a huge challenge and joy for her. she loves her clarinet (and other instruments too right now- she's messing around and teaching herself the trombone, flute, piano and guitar). she’s even thought about being a band director! we’ll see. i think the sky will be the limit for her once college comes around. right now she’s taking tennis lessons and is the president of her class student council. the girl is nonstop.
now on to james. and i’ll cry as i type this because these last months for him have been hard. starting last spring semester, he had been complaining a lot about his tummy hurting. he would even miss school because of this mystery tummy issue. i assumed it was linked to his lifelong battle with constipation, but it just seemed excessive. i considered taking him off dairy or gluten, but the symptoms weren’t consistent enough to suggest food issues, so we just enjoyed the times when he was fine and were frustrated when he wasn't. fast forward to this summer. he started out the swim season great, but was struggling because he wasn’t as fast as he thought he should be. he even got displaced from his relay team by his good friend tyler drouin who has just started swimming this summer. that was so hard for him - a character developing time (it’s not about you, it’s about your team...you won’t always be the fastest...blah blah blah) for sure. we noticed it too, but he had moved up an age group - going from being the oldest in the bracket to the youngest is tough. and we didn’t want to be delusional and think the same way - why is my kid no longer a superstar??? so we rode it out with him and celebrated each faster time, even thought it was never fast enough for him. and then there was the peeing. he literally peed all the time. it got to be a joke in our house - where’s james? oh, probably in the bathroom! i wasn’t paying attention to exactly how often, which i could kick myself for now. but we took a quick trip to cleveland to drop zach off after him spending the week here and on the way home it was ridiculous how often he needed to stop to pee. that was the first time i really noticed how frequent it was. at this point we just thought maybe it was a UTI or something and would ask if it burned to pee or anything. nope. finally at the end of the month, we were with our small group at pokagen and planned to talk to cari foss about it. the kids were all swimming so she saw him in his suit with his shirt off and made a comment about his weight, which reminded us to ask about the peeing. oh boy that sent us on a journey. cari was concerned. we knew he looked skinny but hadn’t weighed him in a while so i just thought he was probably getting taller. he even said to me, mom i think i’m shrinking! i blew it off and told him kids don’t shrink! haha. well. not funny at all, cari strongly encouraged us to get him to the pediatrician, so we did on july 31, just 10 days after his 10th bday. it was confirmed by a urine analysis and a blood test that he has type 1 diabetes. uggggggggg........and tears. sooooooo many tears. my poor baby. feeling so badly for so long and we had no idea. it just breaks my heart to think about that. so our life has changed and that day will forever be a marker - pre diabetes and post diabetes.
even though it has rocked our world and the learning curve has been steep, it’s gone well. no hospital stays, so scary lows that keep us up all night etc. we count every carb, we do the math for the insulin, james pricks his fingers diligently multiple times a day. we treat the highs and the lows like we are supposed to. we try to keep him as stable as possible. teena holloway, the school nurse has been fabulous as have cari and kimmy, as well as the team at the endocrinologist’s office. i’m so thankful for the support.
we just had our first routine appointment (he’ll have to go every three months for the rest of his life i understand) and his numbers were great! his A1C started at 14 and is now at 5.5 (4-6 is normal!). they were excited about how it is going. we felt like we needed a medal or something - we didn’t FAIL!!! we talk diabetes ALL THE TIME - i’m sure mallory is sick of it, but she knows all about it too and is so helpful. unfortunately, james was diagnosed just two weeks before lindley went off to college so she isn’t as involved. i’m hoping that when she comes back for christmas break she can learn more so she isn’t scared to be alone with him.
for me the challenge now is to not borrow trouble from tomorrow. it’s so easy to think of the future in terms of being terrified about how he will one day handle this on his own. as a parent, we have control now, for the most part, but as he grows, he’s going to have to take more responsibility and do it himself. that will be hard to watch and let go. but that is YEARS away. so i’m trying my best to think of today, be thankful for today. breathe, breathe...
so that’s us. kevin and i are doing well as a diabetes care team i think. i worry more than i should, but he gets it. in the past, i’ve been weighed down by things that he doesn't understand. now we both feel it. we’re a little numb and a lot exhausted because of the hard parts of life and all of the changes that we’ve experienced lately. the Lord has sustained us- given us strength for today and hope for tomorrow, but not strength for tomorrow. we don’t need it til then.
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jimmy funnies
last week, lindley is telling us how brave she was in initiating a conversation with ryan about hanging out again (basically asked him out). she really wanted to say some things, but of course they felt awkward, but she did anyway. she said, but i THINK i was SMOOTH!! then mallory mentioned how he’s been greeting her now in the hallways and she made a NOT very smooth face. I said, apparently we need to work on our smooth faces... enter james. I said, james, how’s your smooth face? he takes his hand, runs it down his cheek and he said, GREAT!
the other night, kevin is talking to james before bed about next year when lindley is in college and how weird that will be. he said, well it won't be that different at dinner, because she’s always gone anyway (true story). then kevin said, yeah and she’s gone right now. where is she anyway? james says...probably getting high with the french (hamilton is life right now).
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SO many things
such a year. why haven't i documented it at all? i’m so freaking busy and tired and slightly overwhelmed. here are all the things that i can think of that i don’t want to forget that i might if i don’t get them down. senior, 8th grade, 3rd grade. it hit me as i posted their first day of school pic that this is our last year for that picture. the last year. huh? what? how did that happen? how can it be happening and you know it’s coming and it still surprises you? and makes you cry. oh so much crying this year. why do all of these big life emotional things happen when my body is changing, which i understand makes you potentially cry more - outside of having a senior, outside of all the change coming. it’s just embarrassing. i found that i actually had to write my daughter a LETTER because there were things i wanted to say to her that i literally couldn’t get out without bawling, and then i get embarrassed and don’t say what i wanted. what i feel is important for her to hear. that feels ridiculous but thank goodness for pen and paper. thankfully there is more than one way to communicate. so senior year - she’s had a great one. really one to remember for sure! soccer was amazing. it was so fun to watch her help lead her team to the final 4 - first time every in BCS history. people even made the trek to watch them play far away. it was so cool to see her celebrate and be celebrated. and then there was the crushing defeat - at least she’s stopped blaming herself when they lose - every.game.of.freshman.and.sophomore.year. and this summer she made the important decision NOT to pursue soccer in college, which moved her forward with her choices (she could’ve played at a smaller school, but wanted to go to a bigger one). so that probably added to the sadness that day. that was the end of her soccer career. what a way to go out! subsequently, her coach natalie has asked she and kevin to play on a coed rec team on tuesday nites and they have LOVED it!! I love it too. how cool. i hope kevin is still able to play when james is that old. it’s so fun and so bonding and HE’S STILL GOT IT! speaking of sports, james crushed it this summer on swim team. so much fun. their relay - trevor trent, william and ashton (don't know their last names) had a winning relay - and even took first at the city meet for their freestyle relay. it was livecast on youtube, so we even watched it in wisconsin where we (the girls and I) were for angela’s kalas’ baby shower. we considered whether or not he should continue with club swimming (we have this conversation at the end of nearly every sport season he plays) but decided we aren’t ready for that. it was a fun season. Mal had a good tennis season in the fall - not great -she’s ready for some real competition in high school next year. but she also got several of her friends to try tennis so hopefully that will help the team in the future. she decided not to play basketball this winter (which i worried she’d regret, but she didn't) so we agreed to pay for tennis lessons at empowered sports and she played in a USTA tennis league on weekends. apparently she’s pretty good. i seriously have a hard time understanding what is going on in the game, and you can’t clap or you can but only at certain points. maybe i’ll catch on in high school??? winter brought a BCS third grade basketball team for james - for the first time playing with all of his buddies. pretty fun. they were good -not outstanding, but good. and there are a LOT of competitive boys in his grade. makes me think about him in high school, but since i’m trying NOT to cry....i shouldn’t go there...lindley applied to Miami U, Michigan State, Purdue and IU - she’s heard back from all but IU and still hopeful about getting in. for right now, it’s between purdue and michigan state. we’ll see! in january i had a breast cancer scare that turned out to be ok, but it shook me to the core. my mom had breast cancer and i think somewhere in my brain I'm assuming i will get it too. so thankful to God for a negative result this time. and trying not to live under that umbrella of fear. on youth sunday (sometime in feb) mallory decided to give her life and heart to Jesus. it was a very very good day. it will be interesting to ask her more about it she processes what prompted her that day - she couldn’t put it into words, but she asked me to pray with her, cried and it was clear that the Holy Spirit was moving in her, drawing her to himself. another reason to cry and did i ever. and then homecoming. lindley, tori, adele and heather hicks were voted on the court by their classmates and the whole 7-12 student body chose lindley as the winner. WHAT IS HAPPENING? my daughter is the homecoming queen??! And the king is someone she greatly admires and is now dating - Ryan Reimschisel (i KNOW like a fairytale!!!). it feels like she woke up that saturday morning a 17 year old LITTLE girl, left looking like she’s 25 and now she’s really doing grown up things. it’s making me take melatonin to sleep and a lot of tums. partly because i’m sad. partly because she’s lovely. partly because i’m worried for her. partly because ...RYAN. oh he’s lovely and this relationship has been blossoming for some time. but he’s a boy and she’s our precious baby girl - that we’ve protected and cared for all these years and now we’re just supposed to say - sure, cute boy, welcome! welcome into our family and into our daughter’s heart. because he is a BOY. being a MAN is scary but right now a BOY seems scarier. he’ll influence her and affect the choices she’ll make, he could make her realize her womanhood, experience the power of hormones and he’s JUST A BOY. a boy who’s cute and really thinks she’s great (the feeling is mutual)right now, but in a few months? in a few years? he may be history, but he will have left his mark, just as she will on him. oh Lord, i pray that they don’t hurt each other’s bodies, hearts or minds. but more than likely they will to some degree. even if they end up getting married, they will. that’s what we do, we hurt each other and sometimes we can apologize, forgive and move on and sometimes things end yucky and leave scars. I realize that I need to work on fully releasing her to your loving care. Ryan is part of her story - how long, how deep, how wide i don’t know. and then i had another thought - SHE COULD DEEPLY HURT HIM. oh my. more tums. so far she’s been open and it’s been fun to hear her talk about him and how they have spent their time. I hope that stays. I hope she’s willing to process with us. I know she won’t tell us everything. but right now it’s sweet. and I love how she's sharing even with mal and james. they’re hearing it all. mallory by the way is MORTIFIED - i would imagine her social standing has gone up a few notches, since her sister is dating a COOL guy, but she’s also mortified at the thought of him coming over for dinner or playing games with us. and frankly i kind of am too. last night we actually had a good beginning (bless it all, they’ve only officially been dating since last sunday!!) - we all went to the school play and chatted afterward - the first time we’ve actually chatted with him. and it was nice. he was engaging and a good conversationalist. they certainly are enamored with each other. it’s cute...AND SO FREAKING WEIRD!! they went out after the play and she got in late....melatonin and tums and JESUS!!
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jimmy
so the boy. the boy has my heart. is it super weird to love your kid like that? there is a funny dynamic with opposite sex kids and parents. a special relationship because we’re opposites. i see it with kevin and the girls - he gives them something i can’t and i love to sit back and watch it. well i’ve got it with the boy. first of all, he’s the cutest. serious heart breaker in the making. AND an athlete extraordinaire AND he’s sensitive AND he’s kind.
last night, he said, mom could i snuggle with you in bed tonite when i read? well, yes, yes, you can. I didn’t even have anything to read, so i just snuggled, and when he was done, we prayed. we thanked God for school and friends, prayed for daddy’s job search, and thanked God for tyler, noah and new neighbor kedron. it was pretty great.
when we were in uganda, people kept asking about him because now he’s the only one they haven’t met - i found myself at a loss of any great words or eloquent descriptions - he’s fun, he’s easy, he rolls with the punches...sometimes we literally forget him or his stuff because he just isn’t a fit thrower or an attention hog. i pray that he feels loved even with our short comings. can’t tell you how many trips we’ve been on when we’ve forgotten his shoes - seriously it’s kind of annoying to have to search for a local walmart as your first order of business. because as our minds are on college and teenage girl drama of one kind or another, he’s livin’ life, jumping on the trampoline, swinging and singing in the hammock, rocking on the couch, singing himself to sleep...and apparently no one asked him if he packed his shoes. he is only 8. i guess that’s my job. sorry buddy.
when we were on our trip with mal, he and lindley had two weeks of bonding time. i’m so thankful for that time because she will be gone in a year and what will he remember? even if there aren’t a lot of specific memories with her, i hope he feels loved and cared for by her, warm and protected. she is his second mama. an apparently he needs all of us - and we still forget the shoes.
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7th grade
so uganda 2017 - with mal. wow, what a trip! we got home several days ago now, so i think we are getting back into the rhythm of the time and jet lag is finally releasing it’s hold on us. we had a lovely time. we had a challenging time, we had a GREAT time. mal was a champ - she definitely let down her mask with me especially in our room - complaining sometimes and getting a little snippy here and there, but really, not often at ALL! she was a trooper. she ate the food, talked to the people, played with strangers...i was proud of her. we were sweaty, tired, jet lagged, uncomfortable and nervous sometimes. we heard incredible stories that build faith and hard stories that make one struggle to believe God is at work. but HE is. He SO is. Jay and Vicki have been dedicated to the ministry of orphan care for 30 years now. They have sacrificed themselves on behalf of others and it is amazing. The organization has grown, but it isn’t just about bringing more orphans in and caring for their basic needs. it is about those orphans finding Jesus - that is their hearts cry. It doesn’t always happen. sometimes it doesn’t happen at all, sometimes it takes a loong time see. but for a good many of them, it does. they are providing safety, education and love to kids who don't have any other options. sometimes that ‘orphan heart’ can’t receive any of it, sometimes they can receive the physical, but reject the emotional. but the ultimate goal is for them to receive the spiritual. and when they do, they most often come back and say thank you. thank you for providing a place of safety where I could learn about Jesus. thank you for caring for me as a parent would even though we aren’t related. thank you for being obedient to the Lord on my behalf. i hope, i pray that mal heard the good and the bad - i hope and pray that she saw You alive and loving! i pray that it changed her life. for now, when people ask, ‘how was your trip?’ she says ,’cool’....oh 7th grade! love this girl...
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hard
There have been moments when things are not crazy around here...now is NOT one of them. I’m not referring to a crazy schedule - we are used to running on all cylinders - no, when I say crazy, I mean big, life altering, God questions. Kevin has quit his job...we just got back from taking Mallory to Uganda...and OF COURSE people keep asking us these big questions. How was the trip? How did it affect Mallory? What will Kevin do next? These are all innocent questions, but when you have no answers, it feels a little stressful. I have a bracelet on right now that says ‘trust’ - not in yourself - that’s what the back SHOULD say - trust in God - he is the only one who doesn’t change, who is always for us, who is consistent and wise, who has the power to do ANYTHING of substance. I need trust God with our future - our family, our children’s faith, our financial stability, our ability to say ‘yes’ when God calls - and our ability to hear Him above all other voices. God, I ask you boldly for a great job for Kevin that he feels is honoring what you are asking of him in this season - will it be ‘just a job’ to pay the bills for a period of time or the rest of his career? Will is be fulfilling deep in his soul - a mission he can get behind and sell? I know you don’t purposely make our path wonky in an endless game of hide and seek with you, but I also know that the path we dream about doesn’t always look smooth and seamless. There are mysteries - I am more open to that part of you than I have been before. YOU ARE MYSTERIOUS. but you are are also LOVE. You are also SACRIFICIAL on our behalf. You have reached out to us and we want to reach back. God, I also ask you for great faith for our children. It stresses me to imagine them as adults, either wrestling with sin (which they will no doubt) or believing things that I’m not sure I feel comfortable with - help me to full give them, their hearts, their brains, their faith to you. So hard to do.
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Watching basketball - James and Mallory are really into this year, having both played on teams recently. We’re watching college ball right now - James says - quick! Come! Vargentina is playing! (virginia:)
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Lindley is visiting colleges... what is happening to my life? We are also redoing her room right now and she has been very wishy washy about what she’d like it to look like - when she gets frusrated she says, !”Well, I’m leaving soon - make it what YOU want! What will you do in here anyway?” SIT.IN.THIS.BEAUTIFUL. ROOM.AND.CRY.
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Life is busy. Life is going FAST!! It’s March 2, 2017 and I have a thousand things on my to do list - not to mention my ‘ought to do’ list and my ‘really really would LIKE to do’ list. Today I will teach (Kindergarten Music), then run errands (buy food to make the Harbers a gluten free meal tonite to help with baby Henry!), paint the second coat of white on Lindley’s trim so she can get back in her room, wait and hope the plumber comes to fix the kids’ shower and tub, keep working on the blanket for the sunroom, finish the bunny lovey for baby Henry....and I know there are more things...I NEED TO DO ALL THE THINGS! Or as least all the things nag at me to be done. Can’t do them all, have to prioritize. How does one reflect, pray, worship, grow in faith while ALL THE THINGS compete for space? The only solution I can come up with is to wipe away the to do list - but things still need to get done, and in reality, having nothing ‘to do’ isn’t great for my unstructured self - I find myself whittling away my time looking at Facebook or searching pinterest for some crochet pattern or recipe I may never attempt. This idea of Lent has got me thinking - preparing for the sacred - how is that done? Something needs to be different, but what? I don’t need to give something up for Lent - like we make New Year’s resolutions, but maybe I do need to do something different...what is it?
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