buglyknight

[buglyknight]

1456) Petrichor

Foggy bank on gloomy shores

The bank clawing at unsure moors

Floodlights bright against the plains

Where flowers wilt, where all life wanes

Sunlight starved through unclear skies

Over fields of bones and clouds of flies

A fairy steps across the realm

To enchant the land, to cast her spell

She takes my hand, she brims with light

The flesh renewed, free from plight

As flowers bloom, the fog retreats

Skies of cerulean, the plains replete

Lips and cheek, dispel the doom

Land once flayed, now I bloom

She walks through my smog and toil

Turns tar pit wells to fertile soil

I follow now, to stay by her side

With fingertips of glittering butterflies

Despite the detritus of my psyche

She calls me beautiful, and claims I'm knightly

She has my sword, I'll be her shield

Against any world which would have her yield

She watches me in periphery

Her eyes meet mine, sweet syncope

Although I'm an untended garden

Of eroded earth left to harden

My seeds are dry, my roots all parched

In endless melancholy, marched

Through landmine fields with hands of blood

Swimming in lakes with a stomach of rum

Yet she remains sweet, never seeks to admonish

My monstrous hands, in hers, look harmless

Your fingers in mine, my atoms all soar

Here I bloom, again, again and once more

Opening an oven, I watch her hair float

My voice stammers, breath caught in my throat

In simple motions she defies the shroud

I thought my heart damned, is this really allowed?

Her laughter like petals, her hums are my hymn

Her gaze is arresting, I wait at her whim

Her dreams are my own, can I see them come true?

Won't you keep this once-cataract heart that you have subdued

Rely on me when you can, don't place me in a sheath

Let me share in your grin, see your gums and your teeth

Your eyes meet mine, you held it there

My body lifting, as if raised in prayer

In my barren soil, you bring fresh rain

You are the spring that washes away bane

In the sun shower skies, you're all I adore

I hold you near, my tender petrichor

My feet sprouting leaves to breathe in your light

Floral fields exploding with giddy delight

A night spent with a razor blade voice

Amidst my clenched fists it's not even a choice

A psychedelic spin through a realm of unreal

I will do anything to get you through the ordeal

A lockbox opened, a finger wears oaths

I won't let you suffer, you're never alone

Through laughter and tears, your palm hits your head

I pull it aside, you said I wish I was dead

You're never a bother, you're not something small

You're the sun and the stars, oh, bug, you're it all

Your presence is grace, a gift to the earth

How can I make you believe in my word?

My fingertips explore your collar bones, exposed

Your paranoia gnawing while you descend from the dose

Your breathing is precious, each one I will hold

You grab my hand and bring me in close

As if in explanation, and here I am

You know that's not true, you're the reason I stand

My flowers all sprout, you're who I call home

My nourished soul without tar pits or bones

This is my purpose now, to remain

I'll bloom beside you, each and everyday

[buglyknight]

1452) Reanimating my corpse to speak your name

A dinner of gratitude

For a good deed misconstrued

Thank you for the rice

Why are you people being nice?

A knife in the chest

It's fatal

My heart is being removed

The doctor is trying to keep it alive

Making sure it's healthy

Stitch up the tear

It's been so long

I just want my heart back

It's shriveled like a raisin

Give her back

I need to see her again

Howling in the hospital

Begging them to just

Put it back in my chest

I don't think I'm going to

Live long enough

People are staring at me

Some whisper my heart is going

Elsewhere

I tear the place apart trying to find it

That's wrong.

How long has it been?

I don't think I'm going to survive.

I reach for my phone

You're there.

You're there.

I'm running out of steam

How long can I live without my heart?

I realize, at some point, it's been too long

I should be dead.

So, I start dying.

I call you and see the blue flower

Your caller ID

This is where it becomes

Early-stage sleep paralysis

As I'm lying in bed

Trying to call you

Half-asleep, half-awake

I've been in this bed for so long

The call finally goes through

I hear you speak over the phone

Just a hallucination

Oh my god, Jake!?

Your panicked voice

It's like you knew, somehow I was about to die

But no matter how I try to respond

I can't move this heartless cadaver

I have to answer you

Tell you I'm dying.

I'm mustering all of my strength left

Through a jaw made of lead

My teeth chatter in resistance

My muscles trying to keep it closed

Paralyzed, crying in bed

Don't hang up on me.

I feel my cheeks wet

Finally my mouth opens enough

Just to say

Bug?

The paralysis ends.

I dry my face

I check my phone but-

It felt so real.

No calls were there.

I see your photo of wolf armor

In all the ridiculousness and gratitude

For hearing your false voice

I type Wow. I love you.

I erase it and send something else, instead.

as I fall back asleep

it continues

I make one last effort to

Find my heart

I find it in a cardboard box

Next to a photo of us

It's brimming with life

I take it with me to lie

Limp in bed

They never put it back in my chest

This time I call and can't speak

Jake? I don't have time for this.

I can't respond

Wait. Don't let me die.

Forget about the wolf armor for a second.

I love you.

Flatline.

I wake up again.

[buglyknight]

1451) gaze

All my dreams this week

Every night

Wet with you

How I crave

The beauty of your skin

Against mine

Your hands

Your breasts

Your lips

The couch

The floor

The bed

I wake up overburdened by want

My mind stuck in imagination

A hug, a touch

You reaching for me

Because you want to

Touch was never important

Before I knew of lightning

I want to trace my lips

Across every inch of your body

To kiss you as you deserve

In the car, the sky is clear

The air is florida-freezing

I find my hand

Placed on my passenger seat

Looking for your leg to grasp

I gaze over to empty spaces

Filled with you.

Always filled with you.

[buglyknight]

1450) The fair is in town 11/15/24

The spinning tick of a bicycle

Shirk the school bus

Pass by building nine

Winter-crisp lungs

Just to see your face pass by

Darling, won't you see

I'm still here

Just as I have always been

Even when I wasn't around

Back then.

Holding your stomach

Telling you I loved it

Those notes I kept

When we met in the library

From my planner

When you wrote

Doofus

I love you

I don't think that's true.

Alright, I'll be here.

Please don't go changing

Your mind on me.

Eleven years now, since that night

I still remember where I sat &

How you looked in the ferris wheel lights

How I said it - twice

How you responded

Both of us thinking

The other's putting

Tongue in the kiss

Never once will it pass

Where I won't wish you'd

Ask to go

Just hang out

Call me, let's

Walk around the Gazebo again

I'll never forget

Guiding me around

In a panic, looking for a friend

Somewhere to our right

My dad and sister passing by

Kettle corn, cotton candy

On the cart ride how you

Pressed up against me

Watching you walk away

As we left, just ahead of us

That was the first time I remember

Staring at your back

Can I have just a little longer?

Hug me, around the corner

So the teacher's can't stop us

I haven't moved.

Two thirds up, when our lips locked

The moon was full then, too

Well, almost, technically

Tonight, did you look at it with me?

Paragraphs, overwhelmed

Love, I was right there

Under your spell

Let me in, when you can

You've altered my reality

Stealing light right from the sky

I've never seen something so bright

Oh, please don't go changing your mind.

I promise you, I've made up mine.

So, won't you

Want me around?

Bug, did you hear?

The fair is in town.

[buglyknight]

1441) Like. It was impressive, for sure.

I have a dream

All of my writing

Is found and linked

Stupidly, to me

Why did you send them that?

What gave you the right?

Blue?

It's so uninspired

People say it can be written

By robots

And maybe that's true

Maybe robots and algorithms

Can imitate me

Without even trying to

A tiger in a

Childhood home

Chasing me from

Room to room

It's paws

Twice the size of my

Small skull

As it cracks against the

Bathroom door

Where I watched you dance

Soaking sunlight and blooming

While I died

Like a rotten log

Full of termites

In another place

Last night we were

Restaurant workers

Taking out the garbage

In the rain

The dumpster was full of water

You asked me to empty it

For you

I did it with one hand

You were impressed

Like. It was impressive, for sure.

I was really strong.

I remember wanting to

Tell you a joke, then

But I knew I shouldn't

Share it.

As the water drained neatly

Into the sewer hole

Because something was

Missing

As my contents, too, poured

Into the rain gutters

Down, down where they belonged

When we got back inside

It was warm

But you didn't want to

Talk to me, anymore

I still have dreams where you

Kiss me, again

But it's always

At the corners of my lips, now

As if you can't bare the thought

Of kissing me and meaning it

[buglyknight]

1440) unlocked

I never remember

To lock the door

When I get home

I always wake up the next morning

Before heading to work

To find it open

Waiting for something to

Finally walk in

[buglyknight]

1439) Relearning the beautiful tapestry of your back

I feel as though

There's this

Beautiful view

All the colors

Laid out in front of me

To paint it

But whenever I try

It's a canvas

Brimming with unlife

As I rubbed your arms and back

I recalled little moles

Or freckles that

Once were there

At the lower-left side

Part of your beautiful tapestry

You'd had them removed

But I remembered touching them once

I missed them, for a moment

Then, I missed that I missed them

As if a constellation had vanished

Without anyone to thank them

So, for a moment I touched where they were,

Sent out a thank you

For being a part of your back, once

Then, I retraced my steps

To rediscover your back

Once more

Like the season had changed

And now there was

A new world upon your skin

Brimming with excitement

I remap the sky

Relearning your beauty

[buglyknight]

1438) any

Reading into

False prophecies

That aren't there

Drag your

Twice-twisted brain

To despair

Oh. I know

How to believe in

Anythings

Oh. I know

How to read

Nothings

Oh. I know

How to hope for

Everythings

I think that sounds

Pretty

Disgusting

[buglyknight]

journey iii. doing

It's fine

I'm just not very

Happy

It's fine

I'm just not very

Happy

It's a fine life

It's just not very

Happy

It's a fine life

Just a lot of

Empty

It's alright, I guess

I'm just

Unhappy

With it, I guess

It's a good life

It just doesn't have

A lot of

Light left

In its eyes

It's a good life

Sometimes I'm

Laughing

It just hasn't

Made me

Happy

It's a good life

Count my blessings

They just haven't led to being

Happy

It's a great life

I've got friends who love me

Why can't I be

Happy?

It's a life.

It's just forgot

How to be

happy

It's a life

It just forgot

How to

Share it with

somebody

it's a good life

it's just left

its meaning

somewhere along

the journey

what was I

supposed to be

doing?

[buglyknight]

journey ii. lower into limbo

Somewhere in between

Each pass they

Move the bar lower

Into limbo

I can't tell where

This journey is ending

I just hope

It's with you in my arms

And not decapitated

When my spine can't keep

Going

low

e

r

.

[buglyknight]

journey i. meet you everyday till the end

girl, the future aint that old

ill just do what ive been told

you know i tried to be bold

i got left out in the cold

maybe i went out of style?

couldn't give you a smile?

i guess ill cry for a little while

decide to die in a little while

girl, your smile swims like sun beams

injects warm light right in me

makes my feet go giddy

what syrup sweet serendipity

your laugh is a treat

vanilla ice cream

cookie dough centers

a sweet breeze in the embers

girl, ive been waiting for your hand

maybe ill be an old man

when you come around again

i guess i understand

you know you've got me

wrapped around your pretty fingers

i guess ill wait here and linger

in case you stop being a stranger

girl, you know your name

runs through my veins

i know you drive me insane

but ill just stay in my own lane

well im here for the journey

not the destination

is that really a strange thing?

to want to meet you every morning?

[buglyknight]

1434) Lockbox Love

A leash? A collar?

A true badge of honor?

A pledge, a vow?

A reason to take a bow?

My word? My oath?

Your love? My home?

My sword? My crest?

A hope the words are kept?

These notes. These letters.

Always make me want to be better

An empty hand

A hollow sigh

My chest caves in

Hey, butterfly?

Come back, sometime

When it's all settled

I'll wait for sunshine

If you'll be my petals

I'll keep it here.

Keep it safe.

I'm not sure the meaning

When you walk away

I'll put it back.

For now.

This lockbox love

Just, come around

If you say the words.

Let them be true

I'll wear it forever

You're who I choose

I always meant it,

The ugly, the soulless

The way it all feels hopeless

The empty, the horror

The burned-out coal filled corridors

The way you laugh, until you cry

The way your hands fit in mine

The way you mock at hibachi tables

How you stole lightning like a living fable

When you blurt out urinal

Oh my god, how wonderful

Let's talk to each other in our sleep

You can accidentally call me baby

Let's go for a walk, just stay near

So I can point out every deer

Push my head if I sneak a peak

Alright fine, I'll watch the movie.

To me, your very existence sings

I'll love all of you, everything.

If you don't feel it, let me know

But you're the only place that's home

I won't forget

How soft it felt

When our eyes met.

Your light obliterates any weight

Is that my reason to remain?

Always and forever, I do.

I'll be waiting, Bug.

To fall in love with you.

Ahead or behind

Never far

Just open your eyes.

See? This, is my heart.

[buglyknight]

ok. that's all of it.

[buglyknight]

1433) Sponsored Poem from the song Fuck June by Sipper

crying for 8 hours

the next day im

dancing to gorgeous music

what a whiplash mood-shift

i talk to Grant about

what happened, over lunch

at a hibachi place

That makes sense

Yeah, but - it's just frustrating

I wish she didn't feel like she

Had to do it alone.

Shouldn't we surround ourselves with people

Who brighten up life?

A knight. I'm supposed to be a knight.

Why can't I help you reach your destination?

Maybe it was a lie.

i hope whatever's there

at the end of your journey

has room for my hands

to hold yours

today its stabilized into

flatlines

No tears, no smiles

No warmth

Just quiet.

i wonder what's coming next?

[buglyknight]

1432) kiss the ground

so tired of

heavy arms

i can barely lift

food to my mouth

so tired of

sagging shoulders

constantly folding inwards

so tired of

bullet brain

gun shops

im shrinking, again

as i stand in the kitchen

i can feel my body

slowly bending over

begging me to

kiss the ground

make it stop

make it stop

make it stop

[buglyknight]

1431) DID YOU MISS ME?

smoke a cigarette

is there enough blood

on your fist

it's been a while since

we've been wasted

on hundred-proof rum

DID YOU MISS ME?

DID YOU MISS ME?

DID YOU MISS ME?

DID YOU MISS ME?

DID YOU MISS ME?

sitting and staring

lifeless at

a wall for hours

i cancel my plans

to play dnd

for maybe the fifth time in

ten years

thinking about

forehead snow

and a rooftop

i cant do this anymore

how do people do this?

how does anyone

get through this?

WEREN'T YOU BORED

OF BEING EXCITED?

WOULDN'T IT BE MORE FUN

TO VOMIT?

not again.

please.

i cant do this alone

ive been sobbing on and off

eight hours in a row

how much longer can i go?

[buglyknight]

1430) house of cards

hours sobbing

fall into a crippling

fetal heap

in the middle of the

warehouse floor

at work

tears on the

dry concrete

grit your teeth

heaving spittle out of

the corners of your

snotty mouth

split your knuckle open

blood on the

dry concrete

now you've done it.

what's wrong with me?

i didn't want to do that.

i don't want to be like this

i don't want to be like this

i don't want to be like this

i don't want to be like this

i don't want to be like this

i don't want to be like this

i don't want to be like this

i don't want to be like this

what an ugly sight to behold

why must it be so heavy?

i lean on myself

like a house of cards

toppling down