bukowski-s-the-dope

[bukowski-s-the-dope]

It hurts to think when you said you promised to not let that sadness appear on my face again yet whenever I cry with sadness its you. It hurts when I see disgust and disdain in your eyes when I’m in pain, when you just lay there eye closed. When u pushed me away from the elevator, I couldn’t recognize you anymore. I looked at you all I see is unfamiliarity. Now i’m in your box playing in your backyard, playing truth o dare, playing hide and seek until I no longer know who I am. I’d have loved you forever, and ever. 

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‪I feel trapped in your love constantly it’s like sleeping in a net cradle constantly in fear u gonna fall I need to feel free again my love even if it means we have to end ‬

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So what’s next? You heal. You grow. And you help others.

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“It takes a strong person to do their own thing and not wait for anybody else to validate their existence.”

— Steven Aitchison

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The depth of your love seems to fit into that puddle on the streets we once walked through, as though in far estate, my love for you have already delve into the sea and grdaully sinking and falling by gravity. I choose to ignore your pseudo face behind that facade of noble virtues, I choose to grab your hands when you reached for me, I choose to believe that fantastic vision you have for the future as I have await mine.

[bukowski-s-the-dope]

I see the extent of your life 

and I disdain mundanity 

but your words have put down the scope 

choosing to see bigger picture

I gave you a piece of puzzle of this mystery of life 

but you pick it up sometimes 

holding it as a piece of chess

checkmate, til game do us apart

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The awakening from the Pseudo

what are our values when fame and money are all what we think of? What do you strive for daily, what’s on your mind daily? What’s your thought pattern? If you’re stripped down with your money, social status, and fame, what’s there to like about you? Why are words on your tongue, when there’s better words than those? The pseudo awakening. 

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Dear sunwoo chungalicious,

You left maybe it was like 15 minutes ago, my chest started to itched, and my subconscious tinkled and reality emulated what I was wishing on the low; "Message from Sunny" --iphone.

I was feeling just fine until the thoughts of not seeing you in weeks itched my sanity that have perhaps rested aside you.

i guess imagining a conversation with someone is partially like invisibly and prophetically say what you wanna say. I think writing brings out an alter-selves out of us.

I think i do this a lot; simulating. Simulating all the feeling that I might encounter when you're not here, all at once, makes me cry a little. But I guess that's why I'm so impatient all the time, instead of gradually feeling little by little I chose to let it hit me all at once, so I get over with it. But I think I tend to underestimate the intensity sometimes. But I think I'm used to it though. Somestimes I tend to decode everything, even things that don't have it; its not healthy, but that's how i know a lot of things sometimes. I think it stain from the believe of high virtues and maintaining high virtues; you wanna make sure it genuine and true.

I remember that moment when we kinda melt together, something clicks and I understands you just a little better after that, that cheery spark in your peeper, and that gradual stretch of your lip turning into that gentle beam you have. I remember every edges to everything. If I'm ever forgetful it's because I allow myself to, and I never forget the gravity of that. I'm corny, I know.

Cryer and tickler make great lover, yknow. Peppersmoooni and Arizona ice tea make great Sunday evening, and every other day after that. I hope they include those on the airplane meal, cause the trip can be tediously tiresome. I felt itches and sudden sentiment wave by wave, are you okay? it's probably just me. Watching and strolling these places, but i just wanna have your fingers wrap around my waist.

If heart is shield by frigid crystal, then you are the searing blood in the vein rushing toward it. I don't mind having those drops pampered my cheeks and peepers, it reminds me of seeing a raining day through the window. I like crying secretively.

Summer rain is my inspiration a lot of times, I noticed. The flow of brisk warmth and enlivening peddles, your love feels similarly to that.

I hope this all don't scare you too much. I wish I can convince you that melancholy isn't like its last 4 words, and that pensive sea of virtue is above ground among the rest of universe of sensations. Remember what I once told you what I've been searching for? yours make a stop on my search, as it too makes the bed for my buzzing head, and unshackle my incognito. A pseudo surface doesn't interest me, but I'm quite good at dancing with it, but I rather be soft with you my love. Us and our love might be misled by the shadow of a nomad from our past, but through our sensibilities, our love collide in that everlasting rhythm of bourn.

Speak until the dust

Settles in the same specific place, my love.

I hope this all don't push you away.

do you know how people fall in love? by finding familiarity along the chaos through every lapse of memories. Through our defenses, our love is misled by the shadow of a nomad from our past, but through our sensibilities, our love collide through everlasting rhythm of bourn.

Speak until the dust

Settles in the same specific place, my love.

I think i have a lot of thinkings that i haven't done in a while, feel like somehow it got pushed back ever since being with you, but it hit me now. I randomly just watched a facebook video about loneliness; some people are oblivious to their own social inability that can be seen through different interpretation of level of intimacy I think. But I also think in a way that's making loneliness a taboo, which is fundamentally the cause of the lethal part of loneliness. If people just as accept loneliness as the deal, then capitalism lose. The most alluring gimmick of capitalism is distraction/substitution. It's that constant thirst of renewal and sense of private ownership under a totally virtual-technological surveillance, makes us feel so hollow and drains our self-worth. Nowadays, capitalism isn't always like the old day capitalism, it's almost like a fusion of socialism of capitalism. Using the innate need and importance of collective consensus as a sense of social/psychological reward/target, yet at the same times obtaining the practice of private ownership and individual benefit as the core....ramble ramble

Perhaps forseeing New York symbolizes the polarity of chaos, that's why it's so magnetic you know? With you I forgot the deal with loneliness.

Sun:

Who isn't she:

[bukowski-s-the-dope]

If I can just tell a friend how i really wanna say I would:  Dear Jasmine,  you have been a really good and loyal friend to me, and I really appreciate that. Though sometimes I wish certain restraints that have long established by our society could get out off our way and let us be truly who we are. I know sometimes social image is important whether for you the future that we behold on so much or for the sake of surviving in the world that everyone deems to be so cruel. I wish we could all just leave it behind someday and go to a roof and talk for whenever we want. I know there's a distance between us that is generated by the lacking of prior knowing/ understanding, but I understand that and it's fine. 

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For lonely people, rain is a chance to be touched.

Simon Van Booy  (via floriental)

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people so tired mutilated either by love or no love.

Charles Bukowski (via fawun)

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People empty me. I have to get away to refill.

Charles Bukowski (via rubberbaby-buggybumpers)

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