bundokhiyas

[bundokhiyas]

Father and Son by Cat Stevens

Pio, my baby brother would always listen to this song during the first nights of my father’s wake. It broke my heart having witnessed my brother hide his tears and being consumed by the thoughts he refuse to talk about. Seeing him witness that kind of pain at such a young age, broke me 

[bundokhiyas]

20 THINGS I LEARNED IN MY 20 YEARS OF EXISTENCE

 Nooooo. I am warning you! What you’re about to read is nothing, but just pure nonsense. I’m so sorry if you couldn’t find something insightful in this article, allow me to enunciate that I am not a life coach who could possibly give the best advice. Ahead are just some lessons learned of a girl in her 20 years on Earth. I guess you’re just bored if you’ve read this far. So, shall we start this nonsensical ride???

1. Never make a decision or utter statements when you are not on your sound mind.

I just learned this very recently. Whenever I have a small fight with someone, I have the tendency to utter hurtful words of which I do not know where are coming from, possibly from my rage. At the peak of that rage, I am oblivious that I have already inflicted pain on somebody, but when my head cools off, I feel the pain ten times as great as the one who received it. It’s just so bad and I feel so awful afterwards. I also have the tendency to make decisions based on my emotions and it just turns out to be remorsed later on.

2. Being kind doesn’t cost much.

They say kindness means weakness. If that’s the case, then I’d rather be weak :))

3. Gossiping 

I just don’t think it’s right to talk bad about someone especially when they’re not around to defend themselves. And gossiping are for only those who can’t find any topics that make sense that all they could do is just gossip about somebody. 

4. . Be healthy!

I want to add more items  in this list. To do that, I must live longer and be healthy :)

5. Reconnect with  yourself.

This is so important. It’s essential to have a strong sense of self in order not to lose sense of who you are (???). It’s fine to take a step back if you think everything is not making sense and you’re slowly losing yourself. We all need time to relax. 

6. Read.

I just read whatever my hands could lay upon. Reading calms me at the same time, it allows me to widen my vision. 

7. Listen. 

 I think this is the most important lesson I have learned so far. Listening for me is just so therapeutic. I feel trusted when friends reach out to me to vent out their feelings. Not just that, I learn so much when I listen, whether I listen to podcasts, to other people’s opinions and sentiments, or just by listening to my mother’s episodes of sermons. 

8. Harness relationships. 

For the past years, this is what I’ve been and still striving the most. Harnessing my relationship with my family, my friends, and the people that I love in general. 

9. Stop going back to toxic relationships. 

Number 9 might be quite contradictory to Number 8, but this is also essential for me. I realized that it’s okay to leave a relationship if it doesn’t help you grow anymore and if it doesn’t bring you closer to yourself. If the relationship becomes so toxic, it’s okay to leave your cards adn runaway. I don’t just mean romantic relationships (for I haven’t had one yet) I also mean all sorts of relationship. As we grow older, it’s normal that our ties with other people are dissolved, and I think this is really really fine. Just as long as you remain kind and gentle to them. 

10. Support the people that you love.

Support the people that you love even at the stupidest things that they do, as long as it doesn’t bring them harm and they don’t bring harm to other people.

11. Stop comparing. 

I always doubt myself, and I thought I wasn’t maximizing my resources and my potential. And the moment I start comparing myself to others, I become blind of my worth. I realized that if I’m always insecure, I will never be able to give myself the chance to grow and improve myself. Just stop. Stop comparing yourself to others and start comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. 

12.  Be vocal!

Be vocal of how you feel towards other people. If you  still have the chance to say how much you love them, then do it! We’re only living in this world as guests, and we do not know when  our stay and theirs is gonna end, might as well say how we truly feel before regretting for not having said enough. 

13. Hard work beats talent.

I am quite confident to say this because I experienced this first hand. As long as I put my heart earnestly with what I aspire to do, (even if I’m not quite good at it) I always rise above the occasion. As long as you stay consistent, you will be the monarch of the field.  

14. Transform your pain into growth.

Las night, one of my close friends told me she’s “talawan”. I think all of us can be strong, we just do not know that we are. As for me, God allowed some dreary scenes in my life in order to realize that I am more than just what other people see me and what I see about myself. I was able to transform my pain, loss, and grief into growth. The adversities that befell upon me were just God’s way of allowing me to discover my strength and to make myself become a better version of me.

15.  Remind yourself of your purpose. 

If I would choose one song to describe my life right now,  it would be Ben and Ben’s Susi. I just love the part where they say, “Balikan kung bakit ka nagsimula, bago mo sabihin na ayaw mo na.” There  were countless times when I thought of giving up, but when I remind myself of my purpose I become fueled in an instant. My Father, my family, the hometown that my Father died for, the Filipino children who needs medical attention but have no access to it ... they are my purpose. I just want to become a Doctor of Medicine so bad. I AM GONNA BE A DOCTOR SOMEDAY!!!

16. Be present.

My plans for the future would have no significance, unless, I am in full contact with my present reality because it is only in the present... where I am. 

17.  Appreciate the bland and mundane.

The reason why I’m writing this list is a byproduct of this quarantine... boredom! What I did yesterday were just the same with what I did the day before that... and weeks before that! But, this quarantine have me realized that my coffee in the morning and milk at night, I and my mother’s nights of binge-watching Prison Break, and all other mundane stuff that we do are actually what matters more to me. 

18. Work in silence, let your success make the noise.

Maybe, what I’m trying to convey with number 18 is humility. It’s okay to be proud of your achievements, what’s not okay is bragging about it.  Always always remember to keep your feet on the ground. 

19.  Allow yourself to heal in order to learn how to forgive.

Trust. I think it is not the the crime inflicted that hurts us, I think it’s the trust that they chose to break. It’s hard to forgive someone especially when the agony the have inflicted is quite irreparable . But allow it to yourself some time to heal so that you can forgive even if that forgiveness wasn’t asked for. 

20.  Pray.

 Even the people who are dearest to us could disappoint  us, but it’s only God  will never fail us.May we never forget to thank Him for giving our family, our friends, and the people that we love in general. Let’s thank Him for the obstacles and for giving us the strength to crush those hurdles! God is so amazing that He  makes me feel so nostalgic in the most positive sense of the word.

 There might be things I’ve learned that have slipped through my memory and weren’t included in the aforementioned  (my memory just sucks)but I know for sure that there are still so many things that God has reserved out there for me to learn. Just wait for me to grow in years so that I could add them to the list hehehe. Unbelievably, by far, I could say that I am proud of myself for what I have learned, what I have done, and indefinitely proud of what I am yet reserved to do :))

[bundokhiyas]

If I would have the chance to go back in two years time, I would probably laugh at myself for being so stuck in the moment. I thought what I felt were permanent - from my first hit of dopamine when I got to have the weird  romantic excitement when I had awkward late night talks with someone, down to the excruciating pain when he left me hanging with no words said, and especially for trying to take control of these emotions, which was and will always be clearly beyond my grasp. So, I guess I should let myself flow with my emotions- sadness and hurt included, because from what I noticed, those hurting experiences make the turning points in my life, they make me grow.   

[bundokhiyas]

MA

I felt her embrace in the middle of the night.

I felt her tears. I felt her pain.

The happiness once evident in her eyes has died out.

I know she’ll never be happy ever again.

How can she be happy with him gone?

I lost a father. I lost a man.

She lost a husband. She lost everything.

I thought death is the cruelest, but love proved this wrong

For it consumes one’s soul, my mother’s above all.

[bundokhiyas]

Don't look at yourself through their eyes. Theirs are full of lies... criticisms. In yours is where your true self you’ll see, you are as perfect as one should be.

[bundokhiyas]

I was sad. The rain was pouring hard. I was stuck. I had nowhere to go, and then this little creature landed on me. Somehow, I fell in love where I was. 

[bundokhiyas]

I never thought I could be this happy. Thank you, Lord! 

[bundokhiyas]

“Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit 'em, but remember it's a sin to kill a mockingbird.” - Harper Lee

[bundokhiyas]

Life without love isn’t life at all.

[bundokhiyas]

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eyes.

le petit prince