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Text
All I want is to be able to live. I don’t want to be rich, or have a mansion, some fancy car, or even a fancy pair of fucking socks!
I simply just want to be able to buy some normal 10 pack pair of socks, without having to fucking double check with ever Tom, Dick, and Harry if it’s okay.
It would’ve been nice to have actually been givin a fucking chance in this would.
I had decent job opportunities, but I’ve never been able to stay for longer then 2 or 3 years..
I don’t have a degree, I tried! But of course that fell threw also. Trying to go through your first semester of college while you’re family is trying to fucking kill them selves, and also not having Wi-Fi in 2019 when everything for school was based ONLINE! And I had drafting classes, I would either have to stay till they finally had to lock up the school to use the drafting table.. or go home and use our kitchen table, which was actually an outside plastic picnic table that would leave my lines with texture, causing me to take point off of my assignments.
My grades had gone down so bad, that I just couldn’t keep up anymore.
Now I’m not sure how to go back… I’m 27 now, I was able to get financial aid then because I was just out of high school and living at home, and we didn’t make enough so I could get it… but now I don’t know if I can because Im a single adult living on my own and I definitely don’t make enough to pay for college on my own, I mean. I feel like that should qualify for it.. but times are so difficult and I don’t even know where to start to look.
I’m living in probably 150 square foot travel camper.. I can’t afford a house, I can’t rent anywhere on my own. I finally just recently started a decent job again, after having to work 9 or 10 dollar an hour part time jobs for the past year. I am TRYING I am trying my best to keep my head about water when god all I’d love to do more is just let myself drown.. but there is some kinda spite keeping me floating.
We took a vacation, after years and years of bullshit and living in this tiny fucking camper. We actually were able to take a nice trip to the lake for a week and some.. we took an extra day to recover after we made it home. But somehow.. at 27 if I take a day off from work, I guess I also have to make sure it’s okay with my mom or she makes me feel like I’m fucking crazy or going to loose my job, and she does the same thing with my partners if they take a day off!!
She acts so nice and caring in the beginning, and finally when I feel like things are good, she just flips and starts making us feel terrible, for something she encourages in the first place!!
She had her grandfather buy her a house 30 years ago.. When they were only like $15,000.. My family now.. WONT EVEN LET ME LIVE IN A GOD DAMN SHACK… but they expect us to be able to buy a house right now.. and make us scared for our lives living in this camper, that some tax person is going to come by and fine us or something for it… when this is our only option right now. We just want the chance to actually save up and put a trailer here, because it is beautiful farm land that we could really bring back to its full potential.. but it seems our closes option that they’re wanting is for us to just go rent somewhere.. somewhere were we’ll never be able to save for a trailer, be living pay check to paycheck for the rest of our lives for something we’ll never even own, and also probably living 30 to 40 minutes away..
I’m going to keep going, but I fear I’ll never be able to make it. I just want to live peacefully, I don’t mind struggles, they happen. I’m just asking for a stable life…
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