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Dr. Derek “McDreamy” Shepherd is Not Actually that Dreamy

At one point or another, we all fell for McDreamy. Let’s just all admit it now. 

No one can blame us; Derek was the almost-perfect guy fans wanted (minus the bit with hiding the fact about Addison during season one) for themselves and for Meredith. And I can’t be the only one who was sighing out of happiness when the on-screen couple got together and then married. Yayyy

Now here are the top three reasons why I recently started to not like him as much. 

From the start and in the middle of the series, Derek knew that Meredith wasn’t the typical woman; she came from a broken family and was, as we say, “dark and twisty.” And that’s fine. No one can expect all women to be happy and sunshines and rainbows. At one point, we all had our own “dark and twisty” moment; it’s called a balance in life. 

So I will start off by saying props to Derek for catering to marrying Meredith on a Post-It note rather than the traditional church wedding that Izzy had planned that Meredith didn’t really want. 

I’ll put this disclaimer right here before we go any further: All relationships have their ups and downs, the good and bad, the laughs and fights. I’m not oblivious to this reality.

1. Derek Led Meredith On

Oh yeah, we’re going all the way back to the end of season one and throughout season two. 

Everything was going so well with Meredith and Derek, the dynamic was building up between them, he was being such a sweetheart to her. But since this is a TV drama, a wrench had to be thrown when things were going well, right?

I was a single, never-been-in-a-relationship twenty year-old when I binge-watched the series for the first time. So when Addison showed up, I was downright pissed and frustrated. How dare you mess with my canon couple!? 

But now that I’ve been in a relationship for five years and currently engaged, I’ve become more angry at Derek than anyone in the show. Two wrongs don’t make a right; two people cheating on each other doesn’t solve the fucking problem. 

If Meredith was just a one-night stand, fine. There would be no need to disclose that he was married to a smart and beautiful OBGYN who had slept with his best friend. 

But that wasn’t the case. 

It was turning serious between Meredith and Derek. And then Meredith gets slapped in the face when she finds out that she’s been sleeping with, working with, and getting serious with a guy who was already married. 

IT DOESN’T MATTER that he was currently estranged from Addison, who--during season one--I will assume was in Boston. The fact is that he was still married to her, papers and all. And just because she cheated on him did not make him striking up a side relationship with Meredith okay. It’s a childish reaction.  

Meredith gets a second slap in the face when Derek changes his mind to leave Addison for her and chooses to stay in the marriage with Addison, even after telling Derek in so many words that she loves him. She really thought they were getting somewhere serious to the point where she pretty much begs him, “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”

Meredith, I am so sorry that this piece of crap had made you grovel like this. 

And remember that very last moment we see Finn in “Grey’s Anatomy” after Meredith picks the now-divorced Derek (A LITTLE LATE, BRO) over him, he tells Meredith, “He’s gonna hurt you again.” 

And he was right.

2. Derek Abandoned Meredith with Zola

Remember when Derek was talking about having kids with Meredith and Meredith eventually agrees that she also wants kids? She got the fertility shots, the pills, the legs-in-the-air, everything that she could possibly do to increase her chances of getting pregnant despite her “hostile uterus.” Despite this, she wasn’t able to get pregnant right on the get-go, and Derek was the supportive partner through all this. 

Now, let’s skip to when they meet adorable baby Zola and agree that they feel strongly about adopting her. And they planned everything for bringing her home. 

It would have been a no brainer for an adoption agency to choose Meredith and Derek as good parents; they were both doctors, obviously educated, loved Zola to bits, and could provide Zola with everything she could ever need. 

Then let’s skip to Meredith messing with Derek’s Alzheimer’s Trial and blacklisting him from the FDA. 

Long story short, she fucked up. Enough said. 

Oh he had every right to be angry with her; she let her emotions and personal life mix and interfere with her professional life. It didn’t matter when Meredith said that what she did wouldn’t affect the outcome of the trial; she screwed with the results which made the trial invalid right away. 

But that didn’t give him the right to leave her with Zola when the agency gave the couple temporary custody of her, the daughter whom they were hell-bent on raising together. Mind you, he gave her the idea to adopt her because he wanted it. And now he disappears when they finally get the OK to take her home. Ignores his wife’s calls and messages. 

He didn’t even want to communicate with her the day after Zola spent the night with just Meredith. He just brushed past her with Zola, like a divorced couple switching off parenting duties. 

Oh, and the kicker is when Meredith and Derek give different stories to the agent in charge of Zola of how they were doing overall. Derek asked why Meredith would give a different and untrue statement to the agent. Gee, I don’t know; maybe because you didn’t want to discuss what you were going to freaking say to the agent because you had been avoiding your wife completely when she was trying to talk to you.

And let’s also not forget that Derek wanted Meredith, his own wife, fired from the hospital. No, Derek, the world is not all black and white. She ruined your trial, okay, she apologized and was honest about why she did it. She tried to save your friend’s wife and keep you blame-free. YOU wanted to ruin her entire CAREER. (And this is why I advise people to not work in the same vicinity as their partners)

So when it came to light that Derek was angry that Meredith didn’t know how to accept a punishment, she said that the consequence of what she did would be for her to give up pursuing neurosurgery as her specialty. And that was enough for him. 

Moreso than trying to raise an infant together despite their differences whom they lose temporary custody of because of their lack of communication. *cough* I wonder why *cough*

3. Derek Thinks His Career is More Important Than Meredith’s

This happened twice. Twice.

Every time Derek gets an offer to work at a prestigious facility, he basically demands Meredith that they move.

The first instance is when Meredith has an offer from the Brigham in Boston and Derek gets an offer to work at Harvard University. His eyes light up when he says he could be working with some of the world’s most brilliant minds and teaching them. 

But Meredith’s career is just starting by becoming a first-year fellow. Derek’s career had been going on for years. If she wants to stay and accept the fellowship for Seattle Grace, then it’s her decision. Not yours, Derek. Remember, before they take off in the plane that ultimately crashes, Derek firmly tells her, “We are leaving,” when she wanted to stay. This is her moment to grow into the brilliant surgeon we all know she would become. Sometimes working for a prestigious facility isn’t everything. Cristina left to work at Mayo, and she even ended up coming back to Seattle Grace. 

The second instance is when Derek gets that offer to lead the research at the NIH in Washington, D.C. 

Meredith had already been working on her portal veins project up to this point because Derek had pretty much promised her that he would take a step back so she can focus on her research and shine. 

But now that POTUS wants Derek to move to Washington, D.C. so he can lead the research team, he expects Meredith to simply pack up and move across the country with him where she’ll have a job as a general surgeon in the area. It’s just as Meredith said when they were arguing about moving: her mother’s career was taking off was important for her, so whenever she moved for her job, she had to find something for Thatcher to do. It is a stark parallel to what Derek’s doing.

He even admits and shouts at her that his job to lead the research at the NIH is more important than her job to practice general surgery and continue with her own research. 

Boy, please.

And I’d like to give credit to Cristina who wisened Meredith up when she told her that Derek is not the sun, that Meredith is. That Meredith’s career and opinions in matters are just as important as Derek’s. 

Also, in relation to reason #2 above, when Derek leaves Meredith and moves to D.C., not once has the kids gone to visit their dad to take care of nor spend time with them. Derek even said to Amelia when he finally comes back that he basically didn’t want to watch his kids grow up on a computer screen. 

You had all that time apart, and not once did it occur to you to take the kids for the weekend? 

With Derek gone, though, Meredith became this confident, strong, independent women who is both an excellent and brilliant general surgeon and a loving and caring mother. For once she followed her own decision without his influence, and look at how far she has come. 

Aside from bashing on Derek...

He had to grow up quickly at a young age when his father was killed in front of him; the fact that his father was killed by robbers have also contributed to his whole “seeing the world in black and white” and has made him less able to see things in gray the way Meredith does. He took on the role of the man of the house for his four sisters and mother. That could have potentially led to him being very authoritative in a “my way or the high way” kind of mentality that had always stuck with him, especially moreso since he was Chief of Neurosurgery; his opinions held a lot of weight and power, contributing to that authoritative personality that he already has. But that is not the mentality you bring into a relationship, and I, personally, do not condone it. 

I’ll be honest; I was really sad when Derek died when I first watched the episode. But after rewatching the series multiple times and actually seeing Derek’s character, I’m not that bummed out as I once was. 

[buns-and-books-blog]

I’m guilty of following the 14 seasons of “Grey’s Anatomy” to this very day. I’m also guilty of rewatching the series as whole more than ten times. Ten times.  And the more I watched and really looked at each character, the more I realized that I didn’t like some of the characters as much (yes, that includes McDreamy). 

For a good chunk of this blog’s first posts, I’ll be giving honest opinions of what I saw during the multiple Grey’s marathons of some of the characters that people have come to cherish. 

Trust me. I have so many things to say.