bupsyblabla

[bupsyblabla]

The Choice

I have a choice to make.

One that will define my life.

One that will define me.

It beckons me to ask myself:

Who am I?

What do I want?

And what kind of life do I want to live?

Each choice an inheritance

Of fears and pain I have to live with.

Each choice, a sacrifice of another.

I am torn,

For I don't see what lies before me.

I am dancing in the dark with my demons

Hoping to find a light,

Hoping to find the way out.

[bupsyblabla]

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

— Carl Gustav Jung

[bupsyblabla]

You teach people how to Treat you by respecting yourself and loving yourself.

[bupsyblabla]

Sometimes you just have to feel the pain, live in it, before you can let it go.

[bupsyblabla]

I may not know what is coming,

But I am so excited about the things

coming into my life next,

Because I know they will be absolutely wonderful.

~living in your 20s

[bupsyblabla]

Only Time Sees Truth

There are some people

That you have to let go of sometimes.

Not because of you, but because of them.

Because they cannot accept the version of you

that you actually are.

And that's okay.

Because some people are meant for us,

And some people are not.

The ones who are,

Will never let us go,

No matter who we are,

And those are your people.

We keep them close.

[bupsyblabla]

The freedom to love should not be questioned.

The feelings we hold for one another

Should not be at a concern when it defies norms.

We are all one. We are all whole.

And we are grander than we could ever imagine.

We are the Universe. We are divine.

Thus we all have the power to manipulate reality,

Because we are our reality.

Our love for one another, no matter how it appears.

Is not a reflection of our mental states,

But the unions of our souls.

This love is unconditional, irrevocable, and irreplaceable.

We are all. We are one. And we are love.

[bupsyblabla]

Karmic Intanglement

The eyes are the windows to the soul,

and when yours met mine,

We knew that this wasn't our first time.

As if devine, our union orchestrated.

It was a knowing, no true words used,

The way our union moved.

One that made us also see,

The unhealed parts of me,

And so we separated,

In our journies to be whole.

And it made us wonder

What it truly was that was 'we'.

But we always knew,

Just couldn't believe,

That you and I were

Maybe were not meant to be.

[bupsyblabla]

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry I had to leave.

Without a word,

Without any notice.

With you alone,

And no known reason why.

I had seen my darkness,

And left to turn it to light.

For me, and also for you.

Because you deserve me whole,

Not me in parts.

And when I left I realized,

Not only myself,

But also how much I truly want to be with you.

But I guess I left you in the dark,

And now I can't have you,

Because when I left,

I never considered you.

And I am truly sorry I did that to you.

[bupsyblabla]

When You're a Woman.

When you're a woman,

You question yourself

And everyone questions you.

You undervalue your capabilities

And only perfection appears significant.

You have to earn your respect,

You have to earn your place,

Because no one sees your power,

Until it commands to be seen.

When you're a woman,

You learn to become unquestionable.

[bupsyblabla]

The people we villianize.

I would see how they could see me a villian.

"I put soo much energy into our relationship,

But then when I stopped, nothing."

"It was only me."

And that's right.

It was never quite the two of us in the relationship,

It was namely just you.

And maybe you couldn't see that, but I did.

And just like your feelings are valid, so are mine.

A true relationship is born our of harmony.

A will of both parties.

And if that faded, then maybe that's okay.

Because you lost someone who didn't choose you

The way you needed to be chosen.

And I lost someone who only saw themselves,

And not me so much.

Both are right, and wrong.

But it's okay.

Because eventually we find the people meant for us.

[bupsyblabla]

The Days It Gets Hard

Today I dont feel okay.

I don't know what it is,

Or maybe I do.

Like anchors on my foot,

I drag myself through this day.

I feel like crying.

I feel like doing more.

I feel too tired.

So I just try,

On this day painted blue.

I want to skip to the good parts,

But I know this day is important too.

For if it's not felt,

How can I really appreciate the better?

[bupsyblabla]

Here's the thing, I have no dilemma asking out the guy I like. I've done it before, and I can do it again. Because I'm the kind of person who will do it, if they don't. But the problem here is that I'm the girl in this relationship, I don't want to be playing the masculine role. By that I mean, I don't want to be the only one putting energy into the relationship. I want someone who equally, if not more, wants me as I want them. Even if I get the guy fine, but how long can I go on denying myself what is owed? I owe myself the same level of respect, dignity, and kindness. I owe myself the same kind of love, if not more. So everyone whoes ever rejected me truly did me a favor, because they were not meant for me. And all those times I hid myself from the world was also a silent blessing. Because I think I'm finally ready to start dating myself, and give myself the love and respect I deserve. Because truly, I am a wonderful being, and anyone who doesnt see that can simply remove themselves from my life. I only want to hang out with people who see my worth anyways, and me them.

[bupsyblabla]

Nightmares in my memories

They linger like snakes.

Those kinds whose poison lingers,

Like the scent of death.

That day I didnt realize what was going on.

That day I was out in public.

No one did a thing.

No one said a word.

It was too late before I realized,

That now I was apart of the 97% too.

Fuck you.

As strong as you've might have made me,

I hate you.

I hate the old man that sat there in silence.

I hate the old lady that did that too.

And the other guy who acted like nothing was there,

When the nightmare stormed onto.

I will never forget them.

I will never forgive them.

And I will never forgive that part of humanity,

That took a part of my peace on that day too.

Yet as the storm, it rages on,

Not a peep seems come out.

I don't know why,

I just dont prefer to talk about it.

So this is my voice, the words I cannot utter for now.

[bupsyblabla]

Malachite

I have fumbled. I have fallen.

Many more times than I can count.

I have grazed the grounds of hell,

Still maintaining smile on my face.

I have seen my Hyde, but also my Jekyll.

I have questioned everything in my life,

From my worth to even my existence.

Still I befriended myself,

And then even death.

I kept falling, and stumbling through life

Through pits of my own creation.

Yet somehow I never held any regrets,

Only love for my own self, the dearest.

___

[bupsyblabla]

Courage is about standing up for what you believe in.

It is the willingness to do what you want to really do.

To stand despite the fears that proves its worth.

Courage is the ability to choose you heart, what you really want, with your head, the thing that keeps you feeling safe.

To live the life we want we must have courage. We need to fight for it, because all the best things in this life don't come easy.

And what's the point of living safely when we're all going to die anyways? That gnawing feeling of unaccomplishment on you death bed?

Live.

And have the courage to do so.

[bupsyblabla]

The most important thing I am learning:

I feel priviledge to have the teachers I do,

Failure, defeat, loss, and guilt.

I am learning the importance of the fundamentals.

Self love before your relationships,

Knowing how to learn before learning.

Knowing how to spend before spending.

And knowing how to organize before sorting.

Understanding before doing, that is the key.

Its what my teachers keep telling me,

And it's what taken me a while to understand.

But this understanding has changed my perception.

This path I have chose has changed me.

Who would I have been, if I chose differently?