buriedfury - Tumblr blog

[buriedfury]

Nine days of life so far you my dearest.

Where do I even begin? With each passing day I realize my love for you keeps on growing.

How you endlessly fidget about despite so many tubes being attached to you.

How you cry and inform the whole room you need your pacifier the MOMENT it comes off.

How you are so passionate about suckling on your cute little pacifier up to the point where you forget to even breathe?

My darling, you sure are a handful.

Mummy and Daddy has visited you every day since the day you were born and will continue to do so God Willing, until the day you come back home with us. I can't help but feel for you to continously have so many lines and needles inserted to you at such a young age.. it truly pains Daddy's heart. I pray He grants you strength so you do not feel even a pinch of it. You have truly been a warrior and beacon of light to us all.

Your grandparents are so excited to meet you I'm sure and so do your uncles and aunts. I do bear a heavy burden not being able to bring you home so they can dote on you, but I'm sure, He has a better plan for you and for us. There will be lots of time for that, God Willing. But for now, we stay patient and truly put our faith in Him for your path towards recovery.

Please stay strong my darling. Mummy and Daddy will always be praying for your health and well-being.

Love, Daddy.

[buriedfury]

For the past five days, I have been able to power through with my happiness, my joy, my elation. I have been able to make you happy and cheer you up from time to time (or at least it seems like it).

Today, however, is none of those days. It feels like a trudge. A long day. A dread.

I need to shake this off so that I can channel my energy toward keeping you happy and sane.

Dear God please grant me strength.

[buriedfury]

It breaks my heart. It genuinely breaks my heart every time I think of you. I'm feeling feelings I've never felt in my entire life and now I've to contend with this and yet, I can't ever stop blaming myself for all that's happened.

Is this all my doing? Is this my retribution for all the sins I've committed? Every single day I question myself this very point every single day of every single hour of my life.

I have to be strong for you but who do I talk to? I can only talk to You. Who do I share this burden with? Who do I share this pain that I will carry for the rest of my life?

Dear Lord, my wife does not deserve this pain that she is currently bearing. Do not blame unto her the sins that I've committed. Let me bear this burden on my own, dear Lord. I do not have the heart to make her miserable. This is not her doing. Please forgive her and forgive my wrongdoings.

[buriedfury]

Where do I even begin?

[buriedfury]

Moving day

I've always stayed at one place my whole life. And never have I wanted to shift or even harboured the thought of moving because that's where home is.

Today, I moved. Well, not officially, but temporarily. It still counts, right? I'll be shifting back in about half a years time and we'll stay there at least once or twice before my wife gives birth but yeah.

You had your moment, I guess I had mine too. I'd by lying if I said I wasn't sad or anything. It felt like a heavy decision but upon your request, I didn't deny it or stopped to think about it. I agreed to it right away. Why?

Because it's fair.

Because it's the right thing to do.

Now I'm not going to get all sentimental about it (because I most definitely can).

Marriage is about compromise. Over the past 8 months of being married to you, I've learnt that you always, ALWAYS need to give more than you take.

Meeting halfway can be a good thing, and not necessarily the default, but you should always believe in giving more.

So, this may not be meeting halfway, but this is me compromising. You dealt with living with my family, now it's my turn. I teared up abit upon kissing mom's cheeks, and reading mom's WhatsApp text.

But life goes on.

To a new phase of life.

Bismillah.

[buriedfury]

I have to be strong for you.

But who can be strong for me?

Do I continue to just cry in the shower when I'm feeling sad? And not let you know?

[buriedfury]

"Needless to say, I'm odds and ends.

But I'll be, stumbling away

Slowly learning life is okay

Say after me, it's no better to be safe than sorry.

Take on me, Take me on

I'll be gone, in a day or two"

[buriedfury]

[buriedfury]

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[buriedfury]

“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

— Albert Einstein

[buriedfury]

Dear Ayra Adilah,

Over the past few months, you have gotten so much bigger. Mummy's tummy is definitely becoming noticeable now and people around us are definitely noticing it as well. With that, we have come to buy your stuff.

Your stroller so that you will be able to follow mummy and daddy wherever we go once you born into this world.

Your car seat so you can tag along on our adventures.

Your cozy cot so that you have a place to sleep in when you are tired.

Your milk bottles because mummy can't be feeding you 24/7.

Your own bag because there's many things that needs to be done should you require assistance from mummy and daddy.

But for the most of it, Mummy has been the one doing most of the research.

Mummy has been the one contemplating which bag to buy, which cot to purchase and which stroller to get for you, our dearest, most beautiful daughter.

Mummy has also been carrying you for the past six months. I can never be more in love and more proud of Mummy for doing this for us, and especially for me.

I never knew I could love someone so much without seeing his/her face before, but here I am.

I don't know if you have been able to hear me conversing/communicating with you over the past few months.

But know this, Mummy and Daddy are patiently waiting for you to arrive my dearest. We will always pray for your health and well-being.

Your Nenek, Atuk, Omah and Opah are also awaiting for your arrival.

3 months to go.

Bismillah.

[buriedfury]

I know I can't say many things but the only thing I'll say is;

I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you'd have to go through, my beautiful daughter.

[buriedfury]

I know what we're going through is a little rough but, I worry about you. Please don't take it too hard on yourself. Last thing I want is for you to beat yourself up. We need to do this together, please.

[buriedfury]

Dear you,

I know I said what I said and I stand by it. I can look past your deficiencies (should you have any, God forbid) and I'd be more than okay raising you up until the end of your days.

However now that I've found out about your potential heard deficiency it breaks my heart. I never would've expected this and now I'm flabbergasted. I pray He grants us strength to accept should anything happen to you but as always, I will always pray to Him for your utmost health.

Please be safe. And please be healthy, dear God. That's all I ask of You.

[buriedfury]

"comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection"