burnafterltd

[burnafterltd]

The New FIF' Workout Plan

The first two things I tend to focus on when I feel as if I’ve lost myself a little too much in life are my mental and physical health. I know others would say money, but Lauryn Hill said it best “How you gonna win, when you ain’t right within?” To me if my body and mind aren’t going in a positive direction, it can be tough to focus on the other things I need to do.  So, I had to come up with a “plan: get right”. First step was to get back into therapy- - achieved and welcomed. Next up was the body and while I’ve lost a lot of weight and do work out with some push ups and pull ups when I can, I could certainly be more consistent. One random day, I began to reminisce about taking the Presidential Fitness Test yearly up until about middle school when I moved back to Boston. With further research I was slightly disappointed to find out the test itself was discontinued in 2012 or reshaped into a new program, The Presidential Youth Fitness Test- which appears to be an easier time. I thought it would be cool to adjust the old P.F.T. to a new daily workout for myself, at least making sure I can accomplish the decided upon routine before adding any other focus into a workout. Here’s what I decided to go with: - Five to Ten minute stretch to begin - One mile run, power walk, or stationary bike ride - Two 30 second planks, 15 second rest - 3 sets of pushups, 30 seconds on, 30 second rest The old Presidential Fitness Test also included a Shuttle Run, which I don’t remember doing but will add in when the space it is available. Let’s give it 30 days and see how I feel at the end of it all. This FIF’ is just to establish this simple goal of mine. To Good Health for Us All, Mars Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

Cant stop the FIF'

"Pressure Builds Diamonds"

For some that’s an ironclad truth. Work harder, tackle all adversity and then reap the benefits. There’s an inherent truth with that way of thinking. However, we tend to forget that sometimes pressure doesn’t forge diamonds- it just breaks things. Initially, I was going to write about physical health since I was sick last FIF’, but a discussion I overheard changed my plans. It was about the show Paradise, something I’ll admit I haven’t seen. Still, they were talking about a flashback conversation between a character, Cal, and his father. Cal wanted to be a teacher, but his father a successful businessman refused, insisting he follow the blueprint laid out for him. Even without watching the show, that moment stuck with me. Cal eventually became the President, yet he wasn’t happy. He drowned his sorrows until his death. Well, technically, he was murdered, but you get why this example got me thinking. I can’t connect fully to Cal’s dilemma; my pressure has always been more self-imposed and not from my oil baron father. Still, I recognize a similar feeling. When I was younger, I would try to say and do what I thought people would want to hear from me or what made them proud of me. At least I think I did? The first thing I said I ever wanted to be was the first black president of The United States of America. I was maybe 6 or 7 and don’t think I thought about the why very much. I just knew it made my mom happy to hear. Who knew a six-year-old thought so far ahead! It stayed a strong opener for new teachers and new schools until Obama got there before me. I’d go farther and say I constantly set high goals & dreams for myself since then and like clockwork, I would eventually rebel. I would shut down and become stagnant, crash out. I get afraid of failing to live up to everything I want to be- to everything I said I will be. I was afraid I’d let everyone down like I’ve let myself down before. I struggled with the thought that I could succeed and at some point, along the way it would come out that I’m not that great as I rise. So, I’ll find comfort and ease in certain vices, with whatever could get the sweet serotonin to distract my ambition. With false bravado I remained cool, confidently moving away from building something for myself. Scared of the pressure you need to feel to get to that next level in life, of the work you can’t run from. I wondered if dreams start to feel too lofty when you’ve felt like you never got to do simple things like play an instrument, join a sports team, or when you enter new schools and feel behind in life experiences. I got used to not doing things I wanted to due to life circumstances and so in business, relationships, even love chalking everything up to “If I at least get to it at some point things will be A-OK” would later become my go-to. Nervous to try the new I get more and more okay with just not doing it. However, here’s where my thinking on this topic shifts. Truthfully, wanting to be the first black president wasn’t outlandish or a lie to me. I actually think I’d be great at it whatever massive level of hubris that may be. Shit if I stay focused, I think I am great at most things I set my mind on. It wasn’t that I said things to make people proud, sure they did but I began to realize that at these moments I was declaring what I wanted to be- what I want to do at the highest level without the constraints of what goes into it. I needed to ask myself- What are you so afraid of? Is it so important to keep you from YOUR greatness? Years of pent-up emotions began to settle with the answer. It is foolish to allow just the fear of failure to keep me from creating, learning the stock market, from going to school, etcetera. Diamonds are not created with just pressure but with the cuts that shape them. To make those cuts I need to attack what I am afraid of. I’ve buckled under pressure before and lost more than I’d like, but that can’t define me just help refine the diamond. I may fail-doubt it. But I’ll never achieve that success by not doing anything. With Love, Mars Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

FIF’ and Fifteenth

To be honest, I wrote a lot on the topic of mental pressure today. However, as this is something that has played such a huge role in my own life and is something I really care about. It felt wrong to rush and think it’ll be better to present something that can stay true but is more thought out. So I'm going to do a bit more research, attend a session, get some peer insights, maybe dance through some emotions and finish that up for next month’s FIF’. I was sick on the 5th so I decided if there’s ever any reason I can’t post that day I’ll upload a FIF’ on the fifteenth instead. I want to make sure I commit to the monthly goal so this shouldn’t happen often, just extreme cases. I am still proud that I tried to write this one out today and I like that it became such a stream of thought that I had to stop when I felt like I had a case study on my hands. The topic changed suddenly this morning so I didn’t truly have time to just sit and vision it out, it would feel too half ass to post as is. There are some other things I want to write about in the meantime so I’ll get those out before the next FIF’ as a bid to diversify how my mind is moving, can’t just be mental health and that’s it. Special shoutout to New Blue Sun being the perfect writing music tonight. With so much love, thanks for reading nothing! You’re so cool and appreciated! Mars Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

It's the FIF' of tha Month

I made the biggest mistake with therapy. I assumed I was “cured”. Before I moved to New York, I had been in therapy for a couple of years and loved it. I had someone to speak to during what was a rough time for me, providing me with a variable toolbox of mental and physical exercises to get my mind right when the times called for it. However, when I moved, I stopped attending, in a different state with a rejuvenated soul ready to move forward in life. Life has a great way of showing that self-betterment is not a two-year journey, but lifelong. NYC tested me, I’m not ashamed to say I made a few dumb decisions as I started over. I often felt like I had no one to talk to despite being surrounded by friends but I took solace in not bringing my issues to others’ already complicated lives. I hope to speak more on that first year later. Over time, I realized how freely my brothers and friends would speak when we sat together no matter the setting and I liked providing that opportunity for them. More importantly, I peeped that the emotion and feelings were not that different from person and how far back in time the stream of thoughts would go. As we get older especially as men, I think many of us feel like we don’t have someone to talk to about things that we’re going through, that we think no one would understand but that’s the funny part - life really isn’t so different from person to person and that’s the point we can be scared to get to. Maybe it’s just me but there was a comfort that came with someone expressing “I’ve been there before and this helped me get past it”, hell maybe neither of us were past it – how can we help each other? This year I hope to provide a space for black men, men of color in general to come together and speak about all the things we carry on our shoulders, good or bad. What’s going on with you? What’s been going on with you? Let us be that ear for you and together we’ll build the tools and outlets to deal with whatever. Welcome to FIF. “FIF” is based on the idea of “Fifth of Kin” – great relatives but also the bonds and relationships we build that become as strong as family. Until this community can physically come together on the 5th of each month, I’ll write about a topic that pertains more to either my mental or physical health to begin the meeting until that eventual day. This may not be a replacement for therapy, and I’ll always recommend that on a personal level. However, I want to again promise the community and see where that can take us.   Let this be a statement on intention to get that ball rolling and push me and then hopefully you to get more personal with the world around us, the people around you that appreciate someone feeling what they feel. I think it’ll be funny to end with this powerful message, let’s link and build like for real! With Love, Mars Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

BURNAFTER a long day

Today was fun! Getting back to writing is a gentle exercise for the mind that I'll embrace more often. Being that he wrote it 3 years ago, I'd love to hear Rafael's thoughts on REVOLUTION now, especially in today's waves. There may be an update I'll need to inquire about. Before I move forward, I will say I believe.. REVOLUTION lies in COMMUNITY. I've gotten glimpses of Zions' life here in NYC from our conversations and what is his art. I haven't seen him recently but I'll always wish him the best as he's really starting out on his adult journey, and what a city to do it in. I start a new job tomorrow and I find myself not very nervous but excited to be on the right path again, or at least what feels right. Life is about progression now, with work, with self, and with creative endeavors. A toast to the bright future, Monzo Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

BURNAFTER the young boul, Zion Hercule

I love that time feels just right to post these photos even though I received them last year. I believe it was in April and at the time what stood out to me and why I liked the photos was the familiar faces I hadn't seen in some time. Faces I am happy to say I've seen and have reconnected with recently. These are a small snippet of the life of Zion, the aforementioned young boul. New York City is an interesting city for a young man and I truly wish that Z learns what ever it is he needs to here. I enjoyed his visits into my store to share updates, ambitions and life changes, I began to even feel worry on if this city was truly the best for him as I would my own kin. Just be careful young boul, enjoy but maintain you. Sharing with Love, Monzo Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

BURNAFTER an essay, REVOLUTION by Rafael Arturo Shabazz

The time will come, finally, when our people get the chance to wipe off their hands underneath the running waters of a public bathroom sink somewhere in the financial district area of the city on a Monday afternoon. There is no exact indication of what physical substance our beautiful black people will be rinsing off but suppose it be a metaphorical substance of getting the job done - or being finished with something. I’ve come to identify the many aspects that sit under the conceptual topic of “fighting back”. What are we fighting? Who are we fighting back against? Why are we fighting back? When are we fighting? How are we fighting? You know? There’s a stimulation of anger inside of the physical body, connected with specific coordinates that identify with terror, trauma, fear, embarrassment, and many other coordinate points that stem from the origin of wanting to fight back. Sometimes I feel like us as a collective group of colored people, I feel like we’ve wasted so much time and we’ve built the want for there to be a revolution against the so called “superior” group in the world. It seems to me like the verbal affirmations and the verbal stones only seem to work when there’s a protest that dies down a bit, until another child, another man or woman has been killed by the police or killed by some suburban cult group. Then the anger builds up again and here we are, protesting again with words and poster signs. The cycle hasn’t been broken, but why is that? Who are we actually afraid of, other than our own subconscious minds? What are we afraid of losing? What are we afraid of changing? Palestine has been going through genocide, terrorism, colonialism since the late 40s, people have been dying for years, Tigray is going through the same thing, Africa is being bombarded with colonialism, the United States has been allowing anti-black crimes, anti-Asian crimes for years and all we got was Barack Obama who also didn’t do anything for his people anywhere. We are a part of history the moment we open our eyes to wipe the crust out of our lacrimals. The conscious revolution has already existed, the revolution will not happen without the minds of our people and the minds of our youth. We need to sharpen each other’s swords to cut into the right places, too much pride gone get you killed. Until then think about the ways you choose to step into this world, think about the revolution for our people. How do you want change to rise?

[burnafterltd]

BURNAFTER an UNLIKELY friend

I was familiar with the work of Nakada Shinsuke without knowing of the man himself. The founder of Daiwa Pier39 and former creative director of Beams Plus, two brands you can count me as a fan of since learning of their existences. At some point I may have searched out for the man behind the designs but thanks to his new brand UNLIKELY I don't have to! I really like UNLIKELY, it has been around for only about a year and some change and hasn't found it's way into many if any US stores. Maybe Nepenthes I think? The simplicity , the styling something calls to me here. Hypocritically in a time where I've been wondering if menswear has become boring or am I just seeing a almost endless parade of brands trying to do the same thing and label it as menswear? (I need to do more research on that, and get my thoughts down for another time. Might not be the time here.) I do feel as UNLIKELY does simplicity in a way that I see the quality from across this screen. Nakada pulls from his many years of experience that come back to a unified theme throughout the seasons. I don't want to truly write a dissertation of the brand just yet till I can physically touch the pieces, so I'll end it here but do yourself a favor and go check out the look books. With a departure from the usual, Monzo Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

BURNAFTER you could've been fire!

The other day I was watching the Celtics vs someone on my phone, and after a while I started to watch the refs and thought "Bet I would've been a fire ref!". I laugh thinking I had said the same thing about being a coach a few day before that. some jobs I shuffle through are architect, park ranger, to ranch hand. I'd be limiting myself to say I only think about jobs it's a broad "bet I could've been a fire..." spectrum Maybe I romanticize just living a different life? I do wish I could drop everything and just go from thing to thing like Forrest Gump. I'm sure we all do in our own ways. However, I asked a homie and he didn't do this at all. I thought that was amazing. What's your could've been fire?

Monzo Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

Written month ago, on location at Pianos in the LES

Monzo

Editor-in-Chief

[burnafterltd]

BURNAFTER retyping the introduction from a bad scan

I decided to redo this so this page feels more like it should so again..

Welcome to BURNAFTER! A sometimes candid.. self-published emotions and op-eds about anything under the sun that will one day be pumping books out. It’s a future publishing house baby!

Right now, it’s a thought house. In the first scan I wrote maybe it could be the first article house which in retrospect sounds incredibly dumb. I like to write and speak about things I am interested in. However, I can be an introvert more than I care to admit so I don’t always put myself in positions or places to talk about things.

I created this series with the desire to write about simple or super fucking complex ideas in a way that I wanted to; casually and freely. Originally, I wanted to create little zines but personally it’s better for my own creativity that I did what was more immediate. We’ll get to the books later.

I also won’t be the only writer or speaker you’ll get to hear from, no sir that would get stale to me, non?

I’ll be bringing as many friends on this journey as I can. Sure, I’ll write a lot myself but there’s so many different ways to think and many different topics to write about. My brainwaves are different from the next persons. I'm sure there are things we have all wanted to say and I think it’s fun to expand this space with that purpose.

We’re going to get on some new wave lengths and gain new insights together, and I won't edit my thoughts or those of my guests.

A great man once gave me my favorite pieces of advice that another great man gave him...

“Don’t Hold The Hits”

I think back to this every time I come up with a new idea. I think back to the time when I first heard this advice and how motivated I was and now I am really excited to keep to that saying.

I also have to admit that I almost didn’t go forward with BURNAFTER. I can sometime get scared of my own ideas and if I can handle if they go well. However, as you read this and realize I chose to go through with it I hope that you yourself never hold the hits.

Our ideas and thoughts big or small are so fucking important, all we truly have that is ours I believe. We don’t even know where they can take us before we write them off as I almost did. Don’t man! Build that shit out no matter what until it gives you the world or at least the world you want.

I got tired of typing around this point last time. For sure a better intro to BURNAFTER with some edits. Can’t wait to write more, read the thoughts people write and in general be more open about things I think regardless of importance level.

Thanks for reading!

“I’ll see you in 23 hours” - Arsenio Hall, I said I wouldn’t and I really stuck to it.

Monzo

Editor-In-Chief

[burnafterltd]

BURNAFTER Loss

I miss my friends.

Call your friends and tell ‘em you love them.

Call me.

Monzo

Editor-In-Chief