busychasingclouds

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Hello friend, so how’s life?

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Hello fens, welcome to My Weekly Craves! Lemme introduce this week’s crave....apple salads LOL

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“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans”

- John Lennon

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Ôi lâu rồi mình không nghe Vũ. Tim như tan chảy các mẹ ôi....

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Dạo này cậu có khoẻ không?

Đã lâu rồi mình không viết gì trên tumblr nhỉ. Thật là cuộc sống mình cũng không có gì đặc sắc vui hay buồn để kể trên đây hết hihi mình mong cậu vẫn chăm update tumblr cho mình đọc nhé.

Hôm nay mình thấy hơi buồn, không biết vì sao. Có lẽ vì mình là con người của nỗi buồn. Vì mặc dù mình có cố gắng trở nên vui vẻ hạnh phúc như thế nào, mình luôn hướng tới sự buồn bã để sinh tồn.

Viết nhăng cuội vậy đủ rồi hehe mình chỉ muốn nói là mình vẫn sống tốt giữa dòng đời này. Mình mong cậu cũng vậy. Giữ gìn sức khoẻ nha.

Thân thương!

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I never felt like I was a pretty girl.

I was never confident with how I looked. Like I would take a selfie and all I could see are those imperfections. Why are my eye circles so big and dark? Why does my nose look so big? Why is my mouth so small? Why can’t my lips look any fuller? Why do my eyes look so sad? Why is my face so round? Why don’t I have sharp jawlines? Why is my hair so thin? Why do all I see in myself is imperfection?

Yup, and some people around me constantly reminded me of what I didn’t have. I remember I was not pretty and fit in high school (not that I am any fitter now lol). I was chubby and short - hence I was teased a lot by some boys. They would make fun of me of looking like a square lol. Trust me, it wasn’t funny at all. A boy did straight up tell me that I was ugly and fat. I don’t know whether he was joking. I hope he was.

Growing up, many girls dream of being pretty and being told that they’re pretty. Many grow up building their self-esteem and confidence merely around how they look and dress. For me, it wasn’t too important. I rather build myself, my reputation as a smart and hardworking gal. As being able to stick up for myself and others. As being kind and approachable. As being unique. Speaking of uniqueness, I ironically tried to repress myself. I wanted to conform. To be ordinary. For I believed it was a better idea to be likable rather than being one of a kind. I blended in with the majority.

Same thing applies to work. I was likeable. But I wasn’t being myself. This constantly bothers me. But I try to get along with this version of me.

Today, I myself cut my hair for the first time. Honestly, I would never go with straight bangs ever again after years of no bangs lol but who cares. I did it anyway. I freaked out a bit but I kept cutting. It did feel good! I also tried on a new makeup style. Yasss I felt so pretty and myself again. It felt like how I always felt like when holding a camera in my hands. My stomach fluttered.

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I appreciate having you my map dit very much! Thank you for always being there and encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone. For making me excited about normal daily things. For believing in me even though I don’t to myself sometimes. And most importantly, for loving me.

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Hey guys I’m back

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X a n h.

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Nhiều lúc mình cảm thấy thật ngợp. Ngợp vì chuyện cuộc sống. Mỗi ngày phải đi làm, về nhà nấu cơm dọn dẹp và đi ngủ rồi ngày mai thức dậy lặp lại y xì chuỗi ngày như vậy. Lâu rồi mình không dành thời gian cho bản thân - ví dụ như dậy sớm pha một cốc cà phê nóng rồi nhâm nhi một cuốn sách hoặc một bộ phim tình cảm lãng mạn dễ thương để tâm hồn mình tịnh tâm trở lại. Guồng sống ở đây thật nhanh quá làm cho đứa trẻ như mình cảm thấy thật mệt mỏi. Kiểu như vẫn là một đứa trẻ con bị buộc phải trở thành người lớn. Thật mệt mỏi.

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OMG I’m not really a fan of showing my love life on social media but this guy is real treasure! He loves me for who I am and never fails to let me know that he does. He just makes everything so natural and comfortable. He does not back off when I’m being picky and unreasonable. I don’t know how it’d be like without you. I appreciate having you my map dit 😘

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First time boyfriend did something cute like this and it so made my day. I’m so thankful to have you by my side listen to all of my vents and be so patient with my immaturity. I know the journey ahead is gonna be tough but I’m grateful for having you around! ❤️

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Soooo my bf and I did the gender swap filter thing on SC and see how it all turned out!!! Lol he’s actually a hot shit while I look gay af omg lol so disturbing lmao

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- What do you like most about me?

- You are very sarcastic and I love it

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self destruct

Woah no one can be as toxic as I am towards myself. For real tho why do I even poison my own mental healtg and treat myself less than a piece of shiet. Why?!

I guess it’s not unnormal to be harsh on yourself correct? It’s great to keep challenging yourself everyday so you will be pushed out of your comfort zone. Okay sure I totally agree. But with me I have taken it to an extreme level. I never compliment my end results. I work hard but never think I deserve the rewards and compliments from others. Not only so, I never think it is enough. When I achieve 1, I get upset aiming for 10. Like why? Then I breakdown, am desperately distressed and wish I was never born. Yes, I am that toxic to myself. Even I don’t love myself. Simply, I don’t think I deserve great results and when I fail, oh boy, I melted. I am constantly blaming myself for not trying harder. So how hard should that be enough for my “harder” definition tho? I blame myself oh boy I am that toxic. And the more I realize I am toxic to myself, the more I blame myself for that for not trying harder. It is just an endless vicious loophole. I don’t even given others a chance to be better at dissing my hard work because I am too good at it. Ironic eh?! When I reached out to others tempting to express this dilemma, I got scared of being judged. I was uncomfortable having my insecurities being poked by others. Especially by you.

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I usually say I don’t like happy people because they’re like too chilled and laidback and excited about life. I can’t handle their positivity. It’s too unrealistic and annoying. But being around them once in a while does help to bring my mood up. I laugh a lot when I’m with you. It’s great that I can be my true self (not trying to be nice like I do with others) with you. Love it when I can “judge” and talk shit about you straight to your face lmao. You said it’s totally okay to feel unhappy without any reason. It’s okay to feel bad. But you dragged me out of that misery black hole. You didn’t ask me why I was feeling unhappy. You left me being with my own space. To think and to rethink. I just laugh a lot when I’m with you. Laugh at you and your stupid silliness. At your making no sense. I don’t know I just feel good. But it’s stupid to be scared to feel good being with someone like that, isn’t it? I think a little distraction can be nice and fun for my stressful life right now.