bwl656

[bwl656]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I just read the comparison you posted of the original TCT scene, and then the rewritten version. I LOVE what you're doing with the new TCT.. I love dialogue in a fic and I find that not many authors can pull it off very well without coming off a little forced, but you did it. The exchange between Sasuke and Hinata was so fluid... I'm definitely developing a crush on Sasuke.. He's so.. careful and intimate but not overbearing.

Thank you so much :) Dialogue is definitely tricky with those two, so I’m glad if I’m doing it right!

[bwl656]

Tct Excerpt

A/N: First scene of Interlude 1. I’m going to see how well I can change this to second-person. Sasuke is not the narrator.

-

There was no such thing as fate. The way one’s life turned out was based on an arbitrary collection of events. An unintended meeting. A confrontation. A sneer. A smile. Sheer proximity to the other party. These things determined the trajectory of your life.

He was twelve, and standing in the outskirts of impending disaster, examining the trajectory of a raging bear as he tried to determine who it would maul. There were several parties about the small outdoor market, the one that was fairly close to the training grounds. He recognized people by their skills, not their appearances or gender. He was prepubescent, and a robot, after all.

The sharingan activated and revolved slowly. Time seemed to slow down as well.

Naruto was directly facing the beast, his face contorted in an expression of horror. He was most likely to clash with the animal, head-on. To the bear’s side was the startled wind-user from Suna, who was apart from the confrontation, and yet in the way of the bear’s gleaming claws. Sakura was a few feet behind, but outside of the bear’s reach. Her grocery bag fell steadily as she exclaimed and raised her arms. Sasuke finally took inventory of the Hyuuga, who was some steps beyond Naruto, only her back was fully turned.

Sasuke knew that Naruto might have been able to dodge, and if not, he would survive the hit. The wind-user was wearing a flak jacket, and smartly shifting her vitals. At the worst, the bear might detach her arm.

The Hyuuga was defenseless, and only just beginning to turn. In consequence, she was unintentionally exposing her throat. Her safety was dependent on how Naruto reacted. Would he clash with the bear or would he dodge, leaving the Hyuuga vulnerable? In that fleeting instant, Sasuke could not tell. But if Naruto did dodge, the Hyuuga would be at greater risk than the others.

Time returned to normal speed as Sasuke joined the scene. He caught the Hyuuga around the waist and pulled her with him to the opposite side of the disorder. She hung over his shoulder for the first time, gripping his shirt as she blinked around in confusion. Sasuke set her down beside him and placed his freed hand on his hip. He observed as Sakura’s bag dropped, and she was consumed in a cloud of flour. He bit his lip as the wind-user was slashed with the uncomfortable sound of flesh and bone being scraped from her arm. And as Naruto shakily crossed his forearms at his chest, to be bitten, pinned, and mauled.

Years later, Sasuke would muse on the scenario again. He would wonder how he would have acted if Sakura had been in Temari’s place. And he wondered how badly Hinata would have been wounded if Naruto hadn’t made the conscious decision not to dodge.

[bwl656]

Fusion/SceneMerge/Editing/Shadiness/Ignore

Merge:

It was the second time he had gathered her in his arms, and she was just as unappreciative as she had been the first.

He dropped down to the ground and rested her against the tree, wondering whether he should have been peeved that Hyuuga Hinata had bitten him.

Bitten him.

The Hyuuga. Hinata. She was...

Very odd, Sasuke decided, touching his neck and feeling...

Odd.

He scratched the back of his head, which was something he never did, so quickly dropped his arm to his side.

Her head stayed upright for a moment, before dropping listlessly, her hair hanging down to conceal the bruises on her neck.

He was aware that the Hyuuga had weirdly marked him in a way, and he felt offended, but also a myriad of other things that he refused to attempt to identify. His sharingan had activated at some point between the bite and the release, and he couldn’t deactivate it, though he tried.

The sun was getting low in the sky, and he deeply wanted to go home for some reason, yet it didn't seem right to leave her alone, unconscious, in the forest.

When he shook her, attempting to wake her, he noticed her flushed her skin was, her clothing moist with sweat. She seemed feverish. He began to remove her heavy jacket, but paused at the sight of her tanktop, and closed it again. He felt guilty exposing her, not because she was wearing anything inappropriate beneath, but because she was more developed than other kunoichi, and tended to be discreet about it. 

He absently scratched the back of his head again.

Old Scene:

He'd already acknowledged the fact that he was attracted to her, but that attraction was meaningless because she wasn't Kasai's mother.

If it hadn't been for Kasai, who had instigated his notice of Hinata, as well as those private meetings in Shikamaru's classroom, he wouldn't have even known Hyuuga Hinata. He wouldn't have been attracted to her – physically – attracted.

If anything, he should have been staying away from the girl, far away.

Because he might have just...possibly...tried to kiss her.

And she had bitten him – bitten him.

Her lips on his neck.

...and he'd liked it.

Which wasn't good!

It was odd.

But doubt was something they had in common.

He watched her stir, and kneeled down in front her.

He'd been reluctant to strike Hinata – not that he was getting soft or anything – but she had looked sick all day. He wasn't kind, but he wasn't cruel. There were dark dashes beneath her eyes as though she hadn't been sleeping. At times she'd been barely conscious of the fight, absorbed in her own thoughts.

He watched her eyes open. Ghost white, narrowed with dizziness...utterly adorable.

What if it wasn't Sakura?

Doubt. That doubt. He was wrong to grab hold of it. He should have snuffed it out.

What if...it was Hinata?

Her eyes finally focused on his, and he took her chin before she could say anything. "I want you to speak to me," he said, watching her. "And then..." he trailed off, disordered and he didn't know why. "And then..."

They were suddenly very close, and Hinata wasn't pulling away this time. Rather...she was closing her eyes. He could feel her breath pressing his lips-

And then he heard the whispers of bodies in the leaves.

Sasuke pulled away, looking at the sky, the grass, anywhere but her. From the corner of his eye he watched Hinata draw her knees and lower her face to her hands, deeply blushing.

Someone landed beside them. Kakashi, glancing curiously from one to the other.

Sasuke straightened. What the hell were they doing?

Current Scene:

-

He wondered if Sakura would heal him, but then dismissed the idea, and tugged his collar up.

Then he wondered if the bite would leave a scar, after which his uneasiness increased exponentially.

He reminded himself that it had been an attack, and nothing to be em…embarrassed about. It was all just part of the spar. Hinata had been testing out the assault, as she had every right to. If anything, he was at fault for falling victim to an established kunoichi finishing-move. The more time he spent in Konoha, the more Sasuke was becoming acquainted with the weaknesses of his gender. The fault was his, he couldn't push it on her-he had allowed the Hyuuga to get too close.

I learned something today, Sasuke mused, and it wasn't often that he did. He should have been appreciative.

She was flushed and sweaty, her skin burning, as though she was feverish with stress. He had tried taking her jacket off, but had stopped at seeing the tank top she was wearing beneath it, not because it was inappropriate, but because she was more developed than most other girls, and timid about it, and it…really wasn't his place to expose her.

Fucking Hyuuga. He scratched his head as he paced, but then pocked his hands, but then folded his arms across his chest.

Maybe it was worth it to acknowledge that she made him uncomfortable. Maybe this was actually...progress.

He mostly found interest in Genzai Hinata based on her subtle similarities to Kasai, and the fleeting glimpses of her body that served as a distraction during training. He considered both of these things to be tangible reasons to pursue the girl, things he could tabulate like math on one of the academy chalkboards. But when he added in these uncomfortable feelings, things got harder to explain. He had experienced fleeting glimpses of it around Hinata in their past encounters, but it had been nothing like this present barrage of it that unnerved and repelled him. The uncomfortable feelings, as he deemed them, were presently dominating him, if evidenced by his current mental distress. Pragmatism had flown out the window by that point as he considered vital differences between the two versions of the woman.

Mirai Hinata was an enigma. He could put his fascination for her into words. She was calculating, strong, aloof and threatening. The way she carried herself was what drew him in, and there was no denying that they were compatible.

Genzai Hinata was small, feeble, pitiable, and pathologically shy. There was no logic in what set her apart. Yet she was the one who made his heart pound. She was significant in an ineffable, queasy, alarming way, that left him mentally imploding, as he paced there, fidgeting like a school child. What was this, anxiety? He didn't like it. He wanted no part of this shit.

Sasuke abruptly stopped and faced the unconscious Hyuuga. "I would have never noticed you if it wasn't for Kasai," he stated flatly. The sharingan revolved. He was not sure when it had activated, and couldn't have shut it off had he tried. He wondered if this was what was meant when people spoke of Uchihas being emotional. But he shoved these thoughts aside, and continued to try to rationalize.

Before Kasai, he had not known Hinata's name. Before Kasai, she had been irrelevant. Perhaps he was mistaken in assuming that Hinata was the child's mother. Perhaps it was a mix-up with a girl who wouldn't flee, or bite, or rouse anxiety.

Much as he tried to distance himself from the uncomfortable feelings, he forced himself to stay put. It was then that Hinata stirred, and awoke, her white eyes lifting. Sasuke knelt down to face her, and their gazes locked.

"You bit me," he said icily.

"S-sorry," she said, her face still flushed. She was giving him the same foggy look as before. He attributed it to weariness, but then she trembled somewhat.

"I want you to speak to me," he said impatiently. "And then..." he trailed off, not sure why the distance between them was decreasing, their eyes half-lidded, and the Hyuuga's lips shining. "And then..." He felt her breath pressing his face, warm, and short, and surrendering.

He heard the whispers of bodies in the leaves. The two looked up as figures appeared in the surrounding branches. Hinata drew up her knees and blushed deeply. Sasuke climbed back up to his feet.

Kakashi landed lightly beside them, glanced curiously from one to the next. "I said no doujutsu." He raised a brow to Sasuke's glowing eyes.

Sasuke ignored him, pocked his hands, and stared off.

So it was Hinata.

-

Working Jumble of a Scene:

He entertained the concept of asking Sakura to heal him, but at the thought of her mortified expression, Sasuke unconsciously tugged up his conveniently high collar. It didn’t seem appropriate to show Sakura the cut. Sasuke lightly shook his head and reminded himself that it was an injury, not a mark.

The Hyuuga’s bite had been a physical, and possibly psychological, assault. It was a dated kunoichi-finishing-move intending to tear an artery from the neck. In this case, it had simply left Sasuke jarred. The sensation of the Hyuuga’s lips on his sensitive skin was not anything he had ever…ever…experienced before.

He tried to divert his thoughts, and fight down the unfamiliar heat rising towards his face. He wondered whether he had issues with fighting women, now. Perhaps Hinata could help him with that…

If anything, he was at fault for falling victim to the known kunoichi finishing-move, and it introduced flaws on his part that he would have to address in his subsequent kunoichi-encounters. It seemed the more time he spent in Konoha, the more he was becoming acquainted with the weaknesses of his gender, though he shouldn’t have begrudged it. It was possibly…to his benefit. At least I learned something today, Sasuke mused, shifting his gaze to the dimming sky. He deeply wanted to leave, but not if it would validate his vulnerabilities, and not if it would leave the Hyuuga alone in the woods and unconscious.

She was flushed and sweaty, her skin burning, as though she was feverish with stress. He had tried taking her jacket off, but had stopped at seeing the tank top she was wearing beneath it, not because it was inappropriate, but because she was more developed than most other girls, and timid about it, and it…really wasn’t his place.

Fucking Hyuuga. He scratched his head as he paced, but then pocked his hands, but then folded his arms across his chest.

Maybe it was worth it to acknowledge that she made him uncomfortable. Maybe this was actually…progress.

He mostly found interest in Genzai Hinata based on her subtle similarities to Kasai, and the fleeting glimpses of her body that served as a distraction during training. He considered both of these things to be tangible reasons to pursue the girl, things he could tabulate like math on one of the academy chalkboards. But when he added in these uncomfortable feelings, things got harder to explain. He had experienced fleeting glimpses of it around Hinata in their past encounters, but it had been nothing like this present barrage of it that unnerved and repelled him. The uncomfortable feelings, as he deemed them, were presently dominating him, if evidenced by his current mental distress. Pragmatism had flown out the window by that point as he considered vital differences between the two versions of the woman.

Mirai Hinata was an enigma. He could put his fascination for her into words. She was calculating, strong, aloof and threatening. The way she carried herself was what drew him in, and there was no denying that they were compatible.

Genzai Hinata was small, feeble, pitiable, and pathologically shy. There was no logic in what set her apart. Yet she was the one who made his heart pound. She was significant in an ineffable, queasy, alarming way, that left him mentally imploding, as he paced there, fidgeting like a school child. What was this, anxiety? He didn’t like it. He wanted no part of this shit.

Sasuke abruptly stopped and faced the unconscious Hyuuga. “I would have never noticed you if it wasn’t for Kasai,” he stated flatly. The sharingan revolved. He was not sure when it had activated, and couldn’t have shut it off had he tried. He wondered if this was what was meant when people spoke of Uchihas being emotional. But he shoved these thoughts aside, and continued to try to rationalize.

Before Kasai, he had not known Hinata’s name. Before Kasai, she had been irrelevant. Perhaps he was mistaken in assuming that Hinata was the child’s mother. Perhaps it was a mix-up with a girl who wouldn’t flee, or bite, or rouse anxiety.

Much as he tried to distance himself from the uncomfortable feelings, he forced himself to stay put. It was then that Hinata stirred, and awoke, her white eyes lifting. Sasuke knelt down to face her, and their gazes locked.

“You bit me,” he said icily.

“S-sorry,” she said, her face still flushed. She was giving him the same foggy look as before. He attributed it to weariness, but then she trembled somewhat.

“I want you to speak to me,” he said impatiently. “And then…” he trailed off, not sure why the distance between them was decreasing, their eyes half-lidded, and the Hyuuga’s lips shining. “And then…” He felt her breath pressing his face, warm, and short, and surrendering.

He heard the whispers of bodies in the leaves. The two looked up as figures appeared in the surrounding branches. Hinata drew up her knees and blushed deeply. Sasuke climbed back up to his feet.

Kakashi landed lightly beside them, glanced curiously from one to the next. “I said no doujutsu.” He raised a brow to Sasuke’s glowing eyes.

Sasuke ignored him, pocked his hands, and stared off.

So it was Hinata.

[bwl656]

I wish my writing could flow again ;_;

Excerpt from THC.

Sasuke hadn't seen Hinata again since their "training session," and was slightly irritated by it, though he couldn't determine why.

Because, the raven-haired ninja silently seethed. I don't like this instant crap. He unearthed a sixth can of "instant chicken" from a kitchen cupboard, and felt the odd need to strangle Kakashi.

Hinata's basket had been left behind, and every once in a while Sasuke found himself peeking inside it, searching for any bit of food he might have some how missed on the fated day his caretaker had disappeared – forever.

Caretaker...okay, now, perhaps, he was going a little far.

...and growing slightly delusional due to hunger...of course...

But the kiss.

Shit, had that been real?

Of course not. Impossible. Simply some sort of hallucination that both had experienced, due to the heat, of course. Pale people weren't meant to frolic about in sunlight anyway.

Why couldn't Hinata understand this?

If he believed that it hadn't been real, and if she believed that it hadn't been real, then the kiss would cease to exist.

But then...why could he still feel it on his lips?

[bwl656]

Seer & Snatcher Brainstorming

If Hinata (seer) sees Sasuke in her future, in every premonition, does that make them “soul mates”? Or is that just the present future?

Do her premonitions change?

No. I don’t think her premonitions should have any variations, ever. This isn’t a time-travel story. Meaning, whatever she does or mistakes they make, they’ll always wind up together.

I guess this makes them soulmates. Does everyone have a soulmate, or just these two? I think I would like to explore this concept, and focus the story accordingly.

[bwl656]

Just gonna keep playing with this scene...

He dropped down to the ground and rested her against the tree while wondering whether he should have been peeved that Hyuuga Hinata had bitten him. Sasuke scratched the back of his head, which was not something he ordinarily did, so he quickly stuffed his hand into his pocket.

It was the second time he had gathered her in his arms, and she was just as unappreciative as she had been the first.

Sasuke dropped to the ground before straightening, and carefully lowered her on the grass at the base of a tree. Her head stayed upright for a moment, before dropping listlessly, her hair hanging down to conceal the bruises on her neck.

Sasuke’s sharingan revolved lazily revolved as he watched her. He couldn’t have deactivated it had he tried. He supposed this meant that he had been affected.

He entertained the concept of asking Sakura to heal him, but at the thought of her mortified expression, Sasuke unconsciously tugged up his conveniently high collar. It didn’t seem appropriate to show Sakura the cut. Sasuke lightly shook his head and reminded himself that it was an injury, not a mark.

The Hyuuga’s bite had been a physical, and possibly psychological, assault. It was a dated kunoichi-finishing-move intending to tear an artery from the neck. In this case, it had simply left Sasuke jarred. The sensation of the Hyuuga’s lips on his sensitive skin was not anything he had ever...ever...experienced before.

He tried to divert his thoughts, and fight down the unfamiliar heat rising towards his face. He wondered whether he had issues with fighting women, now. Perhaps Hinata could help him with that... 

LEFT OFF- I’m gonna, derr

If anything, he was at fault for falling victim to the known kunoichi finishing-move, and it introduced flaws on his part that he would have to address in his subsequent kunoichi-encounters. It seemed the more time he spent in Konoha, the more he was becoming acquainted with the weaknesses of his gender, though he shouldn’t have begrudged it. It was possibly...to his benefit. At least I learned something today, Sasuke mused, shifting his gaze to the dimming sky. He deeply wanted to leave, but not if it would validate his vulnerabilities, and not if it would leave the Hyuuga alone in the woods and unconscious.

She was flushed and sweaty, her skin burning, as though she was feverish with stress. He had tried taking her jacket off, but had stopped at seeing the tank top she was wearing beneath it, not because it was inappropriate, but because she was more developed than most other girls, and timid about it, and it…really wasn't his place.

Fucking Hyuuga. He scratched his head as he paced, but then pocked his hands, but then folded his arms across his chest.

Maybe it was worth it to acknowledge that she made him uncomfortable. Maybe this was actually...progress.

He mostly found interest in Genzai Hinata based on her subtle similarities to Kasai, and the fleeting glimpses of her body that served as a distraction during training. He considered both of these things to be tangible reasons to pursue the girl, things he could tabulate like math on one of the academy chalkboards. But when he added in these uncomfortable feelings, things got harder to explain. He had experienced fleeting glimpses of it around Hinata in their past encounters, but it had been nothing like this present barrage of it that unnerved and repelled him. The uncomfortable feelings, as he deemed them, were presently dominating him, if evidenced by his current mental distress. Pragmatism had flown out the window by that point as he considered vital differences between the two versions of the woman.

Mirai Hinata was an enigma. He could put his fascination for her into words. She was calculating, strong, aloof and threatening. The way she carried herself was what drew him in, and there was no denying that they were compatible.

Genzai Hinata was small, feeble, pitiable, and pathologically shy. There was no logic in what set her apart. Yet she was the one who made his heart pound. She was significant in an ineffable, queasy, alarming way, that left him mentally imploding, as he paced there, fidgeting like a school child. What was this, anxiety? He didn't like it. He wanted no part of this shit.

Sasuke abruptly stopped and faced the unconscious Hyuuga. "I would have never noticed you if it wasn't for Kasai," he stated flatly. The sharingan revolved. He was not sure when it had activated, and couldn't have shut it off had he tried. He wondered if this was what was meant when people spoke of Uchihas being emotional. But he shoved these thoughts aside, and continued to try to rationalize.

Before Kasai, he had not known Hinata's name. Before Kasai, she had been irrelevant. Perhaps he was mistaken in assuming that Hinata was the child's mother. Perhaps it was a mix-up with a girl who wouldn't flee, or bite, or rouse anxiety.

Much as he tried to distance himself from the uncomfortable feelings, he forced himself to stay put. It was then that Hinata stirred, and awoke, her white eyes lifting. Sasuke knelt down to face her, and their gazes locked.

"You bit me," he said icily.

"S-sorry," she said, her face still flushed. She was giving him the same foggy look as before. He attributed it to weariness, but then she trembled somewhat.

"I want you to speak to me," he said impatiently. "And then..." he trailed off, not sure why the distance between them was decreasing, their eyes half-lidded, and the Hyuuga's lips shining. "And then..." He felt her breath pressing his face, warm, and short, and surrendering.

He heard the whispers of bodies in the leaves. The two looked up as figures appeared in the surrounding branches. Hinata drew up her knees and blushed deeply. Sasuke climbed back up to his feet.

Kakashi landed lightly beside them, glanced curiously from one to the next. "I said no doujutsu." He raised a brow to Sasuke's glowing eyes.

Sasuke ignored him, pocked his hands, and stared off.

So it was Hinata.

[bwl656]

She looks so nervous!!! XD XD I’d love to write about this pic some day.

doodle

[bwl656]

New Interlude 1

Intrductory Interlude brainstorm sess/rough outline. 2nd person.

spoilers I think. writing with my right hand and no glasses.

-

You're having that dream again. You're sprawled on the ground and some stranger is violently resusitating--rather, they are torturing you. Your lungs are burning. Fucking abusing you. Why wouldn't they leave you the fuck alone? - It's a joint training session with team 8. Naruto is matched against the weak hyuuga. He's awkward and practically afraid to touch her. A fucking feeble-minded male. - Ino is planning her wedding, though sakura notes that ino and Neji have only had one 2-minute park-bench date that neji was not aware was a date. Also, they're fifteen. You muse, Shinobi married young. They died young as well. sakura's hand grazes yours. - You're trying to get some rest, but this ill-advised person is again resuscitating you in your dreams--rather, your nightmares. You wish you could tell them to stop. sweet-smelling hair dances across your face. you feel small hands, feminine hands, with chakra that slams into your chest. Your hand twitches. You gasp awake and you're in your bed. you draw your knees to your chest and tremble. - No training today. Another mission. You were excluded because of the seals. so was a member of team 8. you're supposed to be training together, but the Bug user silently disappers into the follage. you slink off behind a tree. You're actually relieved for the privacy, because you finally have the chance to kill yourself. you pull out your tool of choice, debating between carotid an radial. and so keen, so secretly excited are you, that you didn't notice the owner of trampling feet until they plowed right into you. metal flashed, and flung to the ground. you raise your face, annoyed, then alarmed that is the weak--no, she will now be known as the blind hyuuga. she reddens, stammers, "s-sorry, s-sasuke kun." picks up your weapon and hands it back to you and then she hurries off and you decide you hate her.

[bwl656]

I really hope for the best for you. Your writing really inspired me so many moons ago when I was small and your sasuhina fics were so elegant to me! Haha. I remember one time you commented on one of dinky, try hard fics and I was the happiest 16yo that day. I never got to thank you for the ray of sunshine you lit for me that day

oh, wow, I’m sure the story was great!  And thank you so much. I think we’re all amateur writers. I’m really humbled by all the praise.

[bwl656]

TCT - Scene Comparison

Note: This time I’m going to put two scenes directly on top of each other. Sorry if this turns out being a long post. I’ll call this scene “Hinata’s First ANBU Mission.”

-

Old Version:

A curtain of raven hair was pulled back and tied into a ponytail behind her. It brushed the small of her back and the cleft of her spine. She pulled on black slacks then a sleeveless black turtleneck. Long black gloves were next, gloves that passed her elbows and ended just below the tattoo on her shoulder. Through his fatigue, and a few lingering dreams, Mirai Sasuke realized she was dressing in her ANBU getup.

"When will you be back?" he said, sitting up. He winced into the sunlight that showered the room.

Hinata's chest armor was next, light, and armguards that accompanied it, ideal for blocking kunai, sharp weapons, and potent attacks.

"In five days," she said.

She sheathed a ninjato behind her right shoulder, one that, Sasuke knew, she wasn't trained to use. His eyes narrowed, but he maintained an impassive façade. "Just in time, then," he said.

Hinata kneeled down to bandage her shins. "What are you insinuating?"

"You're in a bad mental state."

He was ignored as his wife continued to weave the black binding.

Sasuke clenched his fists. "Che, you shouldn't-"

"What are you doing today?" Hinata interrupted. She finished her work and looked up at him, wearing another of those fallacious smiles.

Sasuke's jaw tightened, his fists clenching in the sheets, but he managed to relax his hands and pull the covers off him. "I'm going to the academy," he said, standing. Abused joints ached as he stretched each one of them. "I'm meeting my new subordinates."

From the corner of his eye, he watched Hinata's widen. She quickly concealed any reaction and fastened her rat-mask over her face.

It lingered though, in her tense hands.

"Have fun with your assassination," Sasuke said as he left the room.

-

Rewritten Version:

He watched her pull her hair up into a high ponytail, though it still swept against the small of her back. "So you're leaving."

"Only for five days or so."

Sasuke couldn't blame her. He watched her slide on long black gloves that covered her arms but still left the ANBU tattoo exposed. Finally she snapped on her arm guards and affixed his—her raven mask, before sheathing her ninjato and turning for the door.

"Your flak jacket." Sasuke stopped her.

Hinata lifted her mask. "I don't need—"

"I'll help you put it on," Sasuke cut her off.

He went to the bed and lifted her discarded cloth armor. It was the dark gray, standard ANBU designation. He returned to Hinata, wrapped it around her, and latched it securely at her back. He connected the shoulder straps and ignored the wary look she gave him, his hands lingering on her shoulders when he was done. "You're in a bad state."

"What does that mean?"

"What happened last night?"

Hinata looked away.

"Your byakugan was activated while you were sleeping."

"Sasuke, it…must have been a bad dream." She gathered her composure and gave him a shrug.

"It went on for a while," Sasuke said.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Take some of my chakra."

She blinked. "D-Do you think that's necessary?" Her hand rubbed her opposite arm.

He could tell that Hinata was depleted, if just by her poor posture and the shadows beneath her eyes. He activated his sharingan to verify his suspicions, after which Hinata sighed, nodded, and met his gaze.

Their hands connected, fingers interlocking as he initiated the transfer. Her eyes went wide, then lowered as she developed a dreamy smile.

Hinata unexpectedly jumped on him, kissing him, causing him to stumble back into the wall. Not one to shirk her advances, Sasuke slid his hand to her hips and enjoyed the sensation of her legs locking around his waist. She continued to absorb his chakra from his lips, and everywhere else that their bodies made contact. Now his fingers were keenly trying to get her flak jacket off, and Hinata was fumbling with the various buttons and latches of his jounin vest.

Sometimes, he suspected, his chakra got her high. Or maybe it was his essence invading her, filling her with the thrill of contact that he would never admit immersed him. Her pants were discarded, his pushed down enough, her arms about his shoulders and face buried in the side of his neck. Then Hinata was hot, and moist, and tight around him, his next breath shuddering through his chest. And just before they could truly exploit that ever-addictive contact—

Sasuke's eyes snapped to the ceiling. "What is Sakura doing upstairs?"

"Sasu…please," Hinata managed.

"I know…" he breathed. "But you're draining me." The two met eyes and allowed cruel logic to ruin the night, Hinata unlatching her legs from around him, and Sasuke gently setting her on the ground.

As their contact broke, the transfer ceased, and Sasuke felt himself slump down somewhat against the wall. He hung his head and tried to collect himself, but still found that he was preoccupied by the movements on the second floor.

He looked at Hinata, whose chest was heaving, her eyes bright and manic. He imagined the power surge wasn't dissimilar to the one he used to get when activating the cursed seal. "Are you alright?" he asked as he zipped his pants.

Hinata blinked a few times. "Fine." She leaned down to pull up her panties. "I'm late for my mission."

He nodded. "I'll see you in five days."

[bwl656]

Working on TCT. I just changed:

He squeezed her shoulder. “I’ll see you in five days.”

to:

He nodded. “I’ll see you in five days.”

Not that significant, I guess. In fact, the second one is less intimate, and arguably worse. Well, I disagree. I think in genre writing, romance in this case, it’s really hard to show restraint. And yet I think it’s cardinal.

[bwl656]

Tct - Old Version Snippets

Note: I was very uncertain about the parts to post here (for comparisons sake), because most of the old version is ploddy, introspective garbage. I spent several miserable chapters having Genzai Hinata bemoan her forecasted assault, neglecting that she was a stubborn teenager, and a shinobi, and would not have resigned herself to her fate so willingly. I guess to put it simply, the old version is being skewered.

*

So, they all had their quirks. Hinata hyperventilated, but mostly buried her problems in more problems. Sasuke was a power-thief, a thief in the most literal sense. Her husband, an egomaniac, as well as a slave to his demon. And she...well, she still had multiple personality disorder.

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke, at fifteen, conquered something he had never before confronted or deliberated.

He had grabbed a girl, and with no motive but to grab her-

Hand.

It was still a feat, he realized, as his palms grew sweaty. "Stay."

He didn't like girls, and hadn't the patience to acknowledge, communicate with, or deal with them. Girls were not only annoying, they were awkward awkward creatures, with feminine emotions, and problems, and their anatomy was confusing, distracting – nerve-racking. It should have been easy – quite simple – to co-exist with the fairer gender, but it just wasn't, not for the socially-retarded, emotionally-stunted, Uchiha Sasuke. Not when they stood in his every path.

Perhaps it was his turn to take charge.

He didn't understand Hinata's reaction; to close her eyes, to shake her head – to cry. Why wasn't she like the others? He pulled her closer, hearing himself utter, "What's wrong?"

They knew each other – they'd spoken on a number of occasions, about things like futures, and sex, and children. What was different now? Why was she treating him like a stranger, or a predator? Didn't she know? She had to know.

It was obvious that his original intentions had been, exclusively, to understand Kasai. He'd taken advantage of Hinata's position as the girl's babysitter for the purpose of getting to know his future daughter better.

Now he wanted to know her mother.

It had become obvious that Hinata was Kasai's future mother. He didn't know why – it just was!

He tried to articulate this – to make her understand – and parted his lips, but then Hinata's struggles became just short of fierce. He gritted his teeth and grabbed her shoulders, hard. The heiress responded by scratching his face.

Her fingernails were sharper than they looked, and left red marks across his cheek. Her lack of composure disgusted him, as did the simplicity of her attack.

He looked up, holding his face, and his eyes met white ones laced with shock. Fear.

Unadulterated terror.

As the kunoichi disappeared to the rooftops, Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek and hissed a curse.

[bwl656]

tct

He could tell that Hinata was depleted, if just by her shoddy posture and the shadows beneath her eyes. He activated his sharingan to verify his suspicions, after which Hinata sighed, nodded, and met his gaze.

Their hands connected, fingers interlocking as he initiated the transfer. Her eyes went wide, and she developed a dreamy smile, a side-effect of his power coursing into her.

He was surprised when Hinata jumped on him, kissing him, causing him to stumble back into the wall. But he wasn’t one to shirk her advances, his hands sliding to her hips as her legs latched around him, and she drank his chakra at double their initial pace.

Sometimes, he suspected, his chakra got her high. Or maybe it was his essence invading her, filling her with the thrill of contact that he would never admit to. His pants were down, and so were hers, and just before they could solidify that contact—

Sasuke’s eyes opened. “Why is Sakura upstairs?”

[bwl656]

New Interlude?

I wonder...

-Explore who Sasuke is before Hinata. No more allusions. His return to Konoha and his emotional instability without distraction. -Who Hinata is before Sasuke. What she is lacking. Things he would later supplement. -The nature of their connection. Not very significant from a...cosmic perspective. That either one can be replaced with another to a variety of effects.

There was no such thing as fate. The way one’s life turned out was based on an arbitrary collection of events. An unintended meeting. A confrontation. A sneer. A smile. Sheer proximity to the other party. These things determined your life.

-

How did Sasuke feel about Sakura?

He knew how he felt when her hand...touched his hand. Not the aggressive contact that he was used to, but a different one he couldn't identify. He suddenly knew that he was starved for it. But that was all that he knew.

[bwl656]

Guys, there are no Boruto/ChoCho fanfics DD8

[bwl656]

Why Boruto is not Anti-Feminist (Yet)

Quick analysis of the female characters from prequel to sequel-

Sakura and Ino as children: Stop being friends and declare themselves rivals in their quests for Sasuke’s heart (a boy who barely notices either of them). Their love for Sasuke is exclusively based on his attractiveness, and possibly his intelligence, though clearly not his robotic personality. Sakura and Ino do not resolve their rivalry as teenagers--in fact, one of Asuma’s dying wishes is for Ino not to lose to Sakura, disturbingly enough. Ino and Sakura don’t seem to become friends again until both are in their twenties and married.

Sarada and Cho-Cho as children: Best friends. Normal preteen girls. No interest in boys whatsoever. In fact, Cho-cho appears to have rejections prepared, as evidenced by her encounters with two different boys in her school. Despite being chubby, Cho-Cho shows a huge amount of confidence in her appearance and abilities. She never looks to others for approval, as other characters do. Sarada, meanwhile, has not expressed any interest in boys either, though Boruto did make her blush, once, when he professed that he wanted to be her right-hand man once she became Hokage. It can hardly be blamed. It was a lofty profession. In comparison, Boruto has been seen blushing profusely, just seeing males and females interact.

Additionally, Sarada and Cho-Cho are depicted as capable, and never rely on the boys for protection or assistance. In fact, often they are seen as more capable than their male counterparts, and cardinal to the success of missions. The girls also dream big--Sarada has declared that she will be Hokage. Boruto never stepped in to compete with her. He agreed, without much thought to it, almost like it’s obvious.

Even the female adults in Boruto seem to have shed their convictions that their purposes in life must be to complete for the hearts of men. Adult-Karin has dropped her obsession with Sasuke, and even insisted on the importance of friendship and comradery between women (her and Sakura). Adult-Ino expresses sympathy towards Sakura who Ino believes works too hard. In fact, Sakura, Ino, and Temari all seem to hang out.

The female characterizations in Boruto is a refreshing digression from the ones in Naruto. As a viewer of the prequel series, I always favored Tsunade and Temari, though I never knew why. In hindsight, I suppose I was drawn to them because they were the only healthy depictions of women within the main cast. So props to Boruto. Hopefully the feminism lasts.

Edit- Honorable mention- Himawari. Holy crap, that kid is strong.

[bwl656]

fucking crying

(mygif)