byjosten - Tumblr blog

[byjosten]

I have belonged to you in a way you haven't to me,

—Anais Nin, Mirages: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin, 1939-1947

[byjosten]

[byjosten]

stuck within these four walls, my only safe place

set one step outside and the feeling of doom arose

spent months without seeing any one but my family

only this room, which has now started to feel suffocating as well

the comfortable feeling of avoidance is wearing off

i want to experience life again

i want to feel like myself again

[byjosten]

reeling.

[byjosten]

I am completely alone and isolated and bored and boring and I'm sick of pretending like I'm okay and happy with it

I am lonely.

I don't like my isolated life.

I think it's boring.

I think I'm boring.

I hate that I never do anything.

I hate that I never go anywhere.

I hate that I'm not making fun memories.

I hate that I'm not making memories at all.

I hate that I'm so alone.

I hate that I'm unhappy

I hate that I can't make friends.

I hate that I struggle to talk to people

I hate that I struggle to find people I like

I hate that I struggle to leave my house

I hate that even if I could leave my house I don't have the money to do something fun

I HATE THAT IVE BEEN STUCK IN MY ROOM STARING AT THE SAME FOUR WALLS FOR A WHOLE DECADE

I HATE THAT IM WASTING MY LIFE

I HATE

I hate that I'm stuck

[byjosten]

having a chronic illness sucks. but im trying to keep myself feeling ok. as long as i feel ok, ok is better than bad

[byjosten]

I’m so bitter over being stuck missing out on things due to paranoia and agoraphobia

[byjosten]

thoughts about living / 2022

[byjosten]

"I dreamt I drank the color of your voice."

– An excerpt from 'Memory,' a poem by "Evelyn Graham Frost"

[byjosten]

Look at how we bleed from all this waiting.

[byjosten]

[byjosten]

The pirate captain and the shark lady 💕

[byjosten]

LUCIFER

[byjosten]

My home will be a home with no loud anger, no explosive rage, no slamming doors or breaking glass, no holes punched into the walls, no name calling, shaming or blackmail. My home will be gentle, it will be warm. No fear, no hurt and no worries. I may come from a broken and twisted place but I will build something whole and safe.

[byjosten]

[byjosten]

[byjosten]