cadaudio-blog

[cadaudio-blog]

She wished she could pay more attention to what the other girl was saying, but Cad could barely pay attention to where she was going. It was probably pointless to try and pinpoint landmarks to remember her way back, but she was moving her head a lot, trying to glance at everything. “Backstage gets the worst of both worlds. I’m just hoping this won’t be predictable or boring, that it’s the same everywhere we go pretty much,” she remarked, raising her eyebrows and her voice’s pitch too as she nearly tripped on a stray backpack. Looking back up to try to find the blonde with a seemingly random sense of direction, but Cad just rolled with it as she caught up. “Surely you guys don’t work or whatever all day,” said Cad “Not keen on other acts when you’re not performing?” 

Kenzie shrugged at the question, tucking her sticks back into her pockets and running her hands back through her hair instead. “I think going to a festival as a spectator and being here as part of a band are two really different experiences.” Mac began to pick her way between the sporadically placed tents that lined the edge of the camping area. “Being part of the tour is cool because you get to camp in the best places and obviously like, performing is the fucking best thing,” Kenzie continued to muse, adept at knowing exactly where to place her feet. “The old hands from the crew are a bit weird, but they’re alright,” she assured the other girl, “I guess everyone’s just kinda busy because this is the first venue. It’ll get easier the more we travel because everyone gets quicker at their shit.”

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Shit is just happening so fast that Cad is still thinking about the unconscious guy backstage when Erica raced out. Widening her eyes in disbelief, she looked at her phone’s clock. “Ten minutes,” she muttered to herself, how long her shift had left. Doing her best to catch up, she was still slightly behind when caught up. “I’ve got time. Don’t you think the hotdog dude’s kinda cute?” Her voice still had a ring of nervousness to it. 

Erica’s all muscle, but muscle is denser than fat and her abs of steel aren’t helping Cad when she can’t put one foot in front of the other without assistance. Everything’s still pleasant though, apart from the thunder in her stomach. “I’m hungry.” She makes the decision for them and veers right instead of straight ahead. “Let’s go eat.”

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Prying into people without explicit approval was something Cad had trouble doing sometimes. But she was already impressed with someone who could find the space for the focus in the mayhem of touring. “That’s a really great skill,” Cad commented, wearing a warm smile in return. Wish I could do the same was what she could’ve added. She didn’t want to overdo it; the other girl didn’t seem that into it so she restrained herself. Scanning the cover, a single boot, warranted a crook of the eyebrow. “Suits this whole thing a little, by the looks of it. How are you finding it?” 

“Oh.” She softened her features into a smile, but not one that showed her teeth. Warm but still closed off if someone was really paying attention. Though she couldn’t help but chuckle at the girls comment. “I have a knack for blocking out noises or things that I don’t care about at the moment. So when I read, it’s just me and the pages before me.” She shrugged since it was the truth. “It’s called Wild by Cheryl Strayed.” Lifting up the book to show the cover to the other.

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Now was probably was a good time to shut up, choose words a bit more carefully. She realised that that thought should’ve crossed her mind a few minutes earlier. “Old enough,” she replied. At this point, Cad wasn’t going to specify that taking what she could get was from tolerating cheap beer and showing gratefulness to others by not being selective on how to evade the law. “Haven’t really had the shit they serve here yet. What do you think is good here, though?” She started to drift towards the bar, or rather its crowd.         

Rhett looked back at her quizzically, trying to gauge what he was getting himself into with the tiny brunette. “How old are you?” It was a natural question, surely she had expected it to follow. He slowed, peering at the bar. He was good at guessing people’s drink of choice, for this girl he’d pegged somewhere minty, mojito territory. “Whatever you want,” he ended up saying instead, already deciding that he’d be having a shot, served with salt and a squeeze of lime.

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Managing to bear Erica’s sudden pressure with only a hushed yelp was an achievement in her own right, even if supporting her in the first place wasn’t a challenge. Reminders to work out more, as laughable as it was, flickered in her mind. This was not what Cad expected, and a grimace flashed across Cad’s face before returning to the expression exhibiting her current effort exhaustion. You might pass out like him, she was thinking of saying before Erica offered and Cad jumped to the girl’s astonishing conclusion. “Let’s not get into that,” she said quickly, slurring the words together. “If you can wake him up, you probably can do whatever.” 

Life was easier at half-mast; now standing, Erica leaned heavily on Cad for support. She prided herself on her balance, but she prided herself on her tolerance too – evidently, tonight both were out the window and across the country by now.  She gave the girl beside her a lazy grin, a bat on the back, some reassurance perhaps that she’d keep upright, just for her. “Who’s going down on a dude?” Cad didn’t strike her as the type to menage-a-trois, but Erica supposed she hardly knew her at all to make assumptions. “Do you need me to help you suck?”

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Cad was never a big reader, or at least of text over certain length. If she was retreating, as she was now, it was more to mull over something. “No,” she emphasised, unusually enunciating clearly. “No worries, I was just peeking over, wondering what you’re reading. Must be good if you can concentrate with all this around.” 

Sensing a shadow looming, she lifted her head up from the book that was engulfing her in its pages. “Can I help you?” Her voice was soft and formal as she asked- her default setting when speaking. 

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Cad was panting loudly and deeply, slowly exhaling before clearing her throat. “Honestly, I wouldn’t mind right here testing that out now,” she said between shorter breaths, turning her head from the ground to the distance.  “I don’t care if I get stabbed at this point that walk from the van was insane. But woah, the view is amazing, don’t you think? You can see uh, whatever that city is called.” A dull thud followed after she dropped her backpack down. 

“This is the kinda place people come to get murdered.” The camp looked pretty desolate. To your right: red sand. To your left: red sand. In front and behind you: red sand. Not to mention the heat, Colorado felt like the opposite side of the world to Detroit. “You could stab somebody and get blood all over the ground and nobody would even notice, it’s already red. Bet we’re sleeping on top of a mass grave.”

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Cad had seen plenty of junk lying around backstage during her shift: loose wires, empty energy drink cans, ambiguous food fragments, and even shit on fire. But a person, passed out? There was no boring instruction for that nor a nearby manager who was bothered to stick around for their own hours. She gave a deep sigh of relief when Erica agreed, especially off-duty, but any help was better than none. Of course, while attempting to drag her away from a decent time, she just had to check, turning back and pausing a little. “You look like you’re about to go down with the dude I’ve found.” 

Several tokes on several blunts later, Erica’s fighting spirit had mellowed out to a softer core, or perhaps rocketed to a higher level of zen. She was at peace with the pandemonium surrounding her and slow with her own limbs, head finally turning mid-way through the sentence. She recognized the girl swimming past her left shoulder and smiled wide. “Sure.” Erica wasn’t certain then what she’d agreed to, wasn’t certain of her legs when it felt as if she’d been swallowin helium balloons. “Let’s go.” 

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“The ones that don’t taste like poison,” Cad responded, probably too eagerly. It didn’t take much for her to get tipsy and was always the first in a group to show obvious intoxication. Getting embarrassingly trashed hadn’t happened too much, but mostly a consequence of vodka mixes that were easier to down. “Not too choosy about it, I just sort of take what I can get.” Cad’s voice raised as she realised the distance, but wasn’t bothered to up her pace. “Whatever beer sounds fine, I guess, standard drink for a standard act.”    

Rhett nodded, “What’s your pick for poisons?” He had a fondness for jaeger with coke, the herbs swirled sweet reminded him of his childhood, of the teas his mother used to make to soothe a raw voice, to ebb her wild sons into sleep. Already he was walking towards the celebrations, long legs likely making it difficult for the much smaller girl to keep up, but he kept talking. “Only the headliners play late. Maybe it’s the Arctic Monkeys.”

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“How is this one, like so far, to compare? Wasn’t really one to get tickets before I got this gig.” Cad was always a careful person, but especially around musicians and from what she’d seen, they were unpredictable so she tread around conversation as lightly as she could to. It seemed pointless at this stage since all this girl was doing was drumming herself. “Sure, but I wouldn’t be surprised at this point then if they’ve got some weird hazing custom too. I don’t know, all the other roadies give me that vibe? Not unwelcomed or whatever, but I’ll be damned if I turn out like some of the more seasoned crew.”     

This girl seemed to want to apologise for everything she said. Mac would have made a biting comment about it if it wasn’t for the fact she seemed so genuinely nervous. “It’s hardly the most personal question in the world,” Mac pointed out, going back to drumming on her thighs. “I went on a really short tour when I was seventeen. The first one with Pines was.. Two years ago? Maybe? I’m not sure.” She began to steer them off to the left. “You’re camping over this way. Doesn’t matter if they remember you or not, if you’ve got a pass then that’s all that matters.”

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Cad had never felt more awful doing this, and winced while her hand got closer to Erica’s shoulder but this was not a situation she was prepared for. Her breathing was a little heavier than normal, and although its loudness couldn’t compete with the music, it was certainly starting to align itself with the beat. Erica looked really at peace, something Cad had barely seen in her line of work. “Hey,” she started after tapping, hoping her voice was being projected enough. “Look, I’m really sorry but I have no idea what the fuck to do. I’m the only one backstage and I was just checking stuff when this dude just collapsed.”       

At some point she’d given up on shepherding the lost herds whilst off-duty and given in to the lure of the party, the intoxication. There was a pleasant hum that she could see but not touch surrounding her now, suppressing the noise outside of her immediate consciousness. It was an artificial peace, an obliviousness that left her in danger but worked nonetheless, so much so that she didn’t notice the approaching footsteps until a hand had made contact with her shoulder. 

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That did put her at ease, but honestly anything would’ve at this hour. “When was yours? Your first tour, like, you don’t look that old, genuinely curious.” And she was, sure, Cad wasn’t surprised that someone like herself was the type to be inexperienced but the opposite being true for someone else intrigued her. “Never mind if you don’t really want to answer that,” she said, not sure if retracting the statement was wise. Her eyesight followed where the other girl was pointing. “I should head towards crew then, if they haven’t slipped me out of their memory already.”     

“Definitely not a bad thing, we all went to our first tour once,” Kenzie said, briefly reminiscing about the various tours and festivals she’d taken part in one way or another over the past few years. “The schedule is fine after a couple of days and you eventually get used to everyone smelling a little bit off,” she reassured the girl, though perhaps her words did not have the desired effect. “Are you just here to chill or what? Casual camping is straight ahead, crew and shit is over this way.” She nodded slightly off to one side.

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Cad had to give him credit for being this convincing in the state he was in, spewing this grand life philosophy. But her body did unwind a little at the offer, the allure for something else was high, something past just collapsing back in a tent. “One drink sounds fair enough,” she mused, when being carded every time was a tiresome reality that repeatedly happened. Looking towards the party he was gesturing towards, one could only feel the bass of whatever was playing. “I’m praying the music isn’t too depressing? Not like slow, but a melodic nightmare.” 

Rhett grinned, lifting his can of beer in a salute. “Then come join the party, it’s sort of lame here. You’ve got vendors and the occasional pick pocket.” A hand gestured back to the crowd of musicians and fans, “That’s where it’s live.” In the dark it was hard to see her features, he peered carefully enough to tell that she was cute, young looking, enough for him to be cautious. “It’s a big day everyday, you gotta live ‘em all the same. Come on, I’ll get you a drink.”

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Admitting inexperience to a girl who exuded festival worldliness wasn’t an easy feat, but the statement just slipped out itself. “You could say it’s my first tour,” Cad replied, her left arm gripping the other. She briefly gave out a frown, quickly switching it to another nervous smile. “I don’t know, would that be a bad thing?” Cutting herself off to look around, try to spot the fairy lights mentioned before. God, she hoped there was still decent space. “Still getting used to the whole schedule and lifestyle, hoping it doesn’t kill me while I’m out here. It probably won’t, but it is crazy at times.” 

“I don’t sleep in very often. The sun here wakes me up,” Kenzie explained, taking her drum sticks from her back pockets and drumming them against her bare thighs as they walked. How she still managed to have restless energy at this point was a mystery. “No worries freshie,” she said, taking the cigarette back after transferring her sticks to one hand. Smoking was such a dirty habit but it was so hard to be in a band and not smoke. Everyone smoked. “First tour? You look wide eyed.”

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Although her inexperience with professional musicians was limited to exposure in this festival only, Cad couldn’t help but think why most of them smoked. She didn’t even want to get into it but figured how it wasn’t an occupational hazard or anything. The other girl’s words and remarks were surprising and left Cad speechless, in a sort of nervous and incapable way. She’d been a solitary smoker since she left high school, and inadvertently took the offer to her own surprise and gave a soft thanks. “Sounds like a great scenario for you.” Trying to keep up, she lifted the cigarette closer to face, and paused—wondering if time had made her lungs intolerant, if she should even bother inhaling it. God forbid if she could go as deep. Not really wanting to be standing there with another person’s cig, Cad did a timid suck at most, inhaling slowly, feeling a hack but stupidly trying to resist. “Sorry,” she apologised, handing it back. “It’s been a while.”     

Kenzie took one deep drag on her cigarette before setting off walking again. She assumed the other girl would just follow along; Mac was incapable of standing still for too long. Not knowing if the new - because she was so obviously new - girl smoked or not, Kenzie made sure to blow the smoke away from their stilted conversation. “It’s not too bad if you just remember to head for the fairy lights. That’s where everyone’s claimed their tents. It’s slightly nicer than pissing on your territory.” Her voice took on a musing tone as she retrned the cigarette to her lips once more. After a second drag she offered it to the girl without faltering in her stride. “My manager will be pissed if I miss sound check and rehearsal and all of that stuff but I’ll make it. It’ll be fine.”

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Her cheeks flushed slightly, not obvious in the dark but Cad wished they would go rosy enough for her to blend in with the nearby rock formations. She crossed her arms as her expression tightened, not really wanting to put in the effort to get pissed off at the unhelpful answer. “I’m not really itching to stay here,” she said, glancing at the guy. Her voice quivered at the end, even if she wasn’t that terrified of people of that stature, the impression still stood. “We’ve got a big day tomorrow, not sure you wanna stay round here of all places.”  

Rhett was in that pleasant place between drunk and buzzed, with a beer bottle in his hands to serve as the determining factor to tip the scales in the most preferable way. It was in their best interest to stay sober tonight, a hungover drummer didn’t make sense in the slightest, but their manager was likely spread thin between all four band members, they were all up to no good at night. Should they have been clever they’d slip into their group texts, but as it stood, they were probably scrambling. It was a tiny girl that caught his eye and he had to pause to focus, laughing for a moment before shaking his head. “Fuck if I know.”