caffeinatedleg

[caffeinatedleg]

[caffeinatedleg]

Before you date me:

You need to understand that I’m damaged I get triggered easily. I have struggled with things. There are nights when I’m curled up in a ball on the floor and I won’t talk to anyone. I’ll shut you out. I’m not going to be able to trust you for a while, because everyone has always left, cheaten, or chosen someone else. I will need reasurance. I will need you. I will need you to keep chosing me. I’ll need you to care when I text you saying I’m getting bad again. I’m a lot, I know this.

[caffeinatedleg]

Derry Girls - Season One (2018)

[caffeinatedleg]

My Daily Tarot Card: 8 of Cups

Walking Away

Disillusionment

Leaving Behind

There are feeling of disappointment and loss. You maybe taking a backward-look on a situation and have decided to leave it behind. You have abandoned something and through that, you may feel the loss of a part of yourself. 

This card can also signify a disappointment, emotional setback, or betrayal to the heart. Look inside and recognize the part of you that still holds an old grudge from a past injury or trauma. It is time to face them and from this point you can come to terms with them, allowing yourself to move peacefully forward and leaving it all behind.  

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My Daily Tarot Card: 2 of Cups Reversed

Imbalance

Broken Communication

Tension

This card can indicate that you may be investing too much in a relationship. This may also be a signal that you must stop seeking validation from others. Communication in a relationship between either party has broken down and it may be difficult to get back on the same page again. Question yourself, what can you do to make this relationship more meaningful?

But in this process, try not to neglect yourself as a result.

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My Daily Tarot Card: Ace of Swords

Confusion

Brutality

Chaos

You have incredible power in your hands but you have perhaps chosen to use it for less than admirable intentions. You are missing critical information that would help you make a clear decision towards what you wish to accomplish.

This card can also suggest that you are not allowing yourself to see the one thing that matters most. You could be using reasons to create obstacles rather than getting through them. Reexamine your perspective so you can help break down barriers. Ask yourself how you could represent circumstances in a less self serving manner to maybe get a better outcome. Look at your biases and the preconceptions you bring to situations.

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My Daily Tarot Card: Eight of Pentacles

Education

Apprenticeship

Achievement

This card stresses the importance of hard work and concentration in accomplishing your goals. It is time to buckle down, study and achieve new skills that will allow you to change your circumstances. 

But be careful, this card can become a problem trapping you in a workaholic mind set. It can give you the feeling of being so indispensable that you will not ask for help.

This card recommends that I focus on my main project while keeping a healthy balance. It is an important time for meeting goals but do not work so hard that quality suffers. Do the work and it will be rewarded with flexibility and freedom. 

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My Daily Tarot Card: The Moon Reversed

Confusion

Fear

Misinterpretation

When dreams and fantasies come out, it becomes difficult to separate reality from illusion. 

This card suggests that you might be deluding yourself or embellishing your version of a situation. Consider whether you are repeating an emotional rendition of event rather than keeping to the bare facts. 

The temptation to let yourself be swept away emotionally or psychically is understandable but it does not help you find your balanced center in this hard time.

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My Daily Tarot Card: Five of Cups

Loss

Grief

Disappointment

This card signifies the despair and sadness that is associated with a loss. The card shows three of the cups are overturned but two of them are still upright, which indicates that there is still a chance to salvage what has been lost.

It advises you to tighten your belt and make do with less, showing appreciation for the things you do have. If something is truly yours, it cannot be lost. When you are experiencing feeling of loss, it may be because of an inappropriate emotional attachment. If you promise things that you cannot deliver, then you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. 

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My Daily Tarot Card: The Wheel of Fortune

Change

Cycles

Inevitable Fate

There are greater forces that are outside of our control that are at work. This card represents the inevitable changing of cycles. It’s lesson is ‘What comes up must come down.’

The general theme of this is cyclical change. The cycle of the wheel is its lessons which we can learn to take comfort in it. Of course if you do not like the way things are looking at the moment, just wait because things will change. But on the other hand, if you like the way things look, enjoy it while it last because that will change as well.

Just follow the flow of events and accept the transformations. You will learn a lot as you move forward and will benefit from the lessons.

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[caffeinatedleg]

My Daily Tarot Card: 5 of Wands

Competition

Conflict

Rivalry

The suit of enterprise and risk-taking. It symbolizes struggles caused by ambition and competitive urge. Recognize whether this is someone who is pushing their own agenda at the expense of others. It is ok to celebrate personal excellence but make sure to not make others feel bad. 

I should find my natural ambition and work towards what energizes me. I need to be clear about the situation in order to choose the best way in which to face new and amazing projects. 

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[caffeinatedleg]

[caffeinatedleg]

i made myself a little envelope in my bujo and wrote an actual note to myself cause i need all the help i can get rn

[caffeinatedleg]

My Daily Tarot Card: The Magician

Willpower

Desire

Creation

Manifestation

The Magician represents willpower. It takes all that is available molding and transforming it into desire. This card is the manifestation of the phrase “as above so below”.

I am being advised to have faith in my innate creativity and to give my questioning nature plenty of room to explore the subject at hand. Stay open-minded through the process and to use my intuition, but to respond in a spontaneous manner to what is in front of me. It is what I need and my ingenuous timing and elegant style will help smooth over any awkwardness.

I should not waste time and just act. I should trust my own abilities without delay, but of course carefully evaluate where I aim my potential and the object of my choices.

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My Daily Tarot Card: 8 of Swords

Imprisonment

Powerlessness

Self-Victimization

There are feelings of being restrained and trapped. Like there is no way out. But these feelings are created by a belief in one’s own victimization.

I am being reminded that every setback I experience is a lesson. It is a learn by doing situation and that there is no formula that guarantees outcome. With an open mind and optimistic attitude, it will serve me better in the face of surprising developments.

I will perform with good faith and hopefulness and prevail against negative forces and overcome doubt and resistance. It is a time to be excited and confident about the challenges because I have what it takes to improve the situation. 

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[caffeinatedleg]

journal excerpt ‪—‬ “god things” and tiny miracles

nature: her warm light, blue skies, soft breeze, the smell of blooming.

nature (again): her dark velvet skies, sparkling stars, the feeling of beautiful abandonment, when it feels like I’m the only person alive; like god, or nature herself, is going to lean in and tell me a secret.

music: being in a hot, excited crowd, feeling of belonging; listening to an old song and remembering where (and who) you were the last time you cried to it, or danced with it, or screamed it’s lyrics.

‪—‬ I choose to believe. I believe in what makes the nature good, in what makes the music good. I believe in the force of good and pray for its manifest in humans.

[caffeinatedleg]