caffeineandhope

[caffeineandhope]

cant stop thinking about this this was sooo crazyyyyy

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throwing to back to the old username.

[caffeineandhope]

The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop comparing your qadr (destiny) and rizq (provision) with others. Everyone will receive their share of this world, so there's no need to feel sad about what you lack. Focus on striving to improve yourself instead.

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[me to me] shut up i’m thinking

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Sorry I forgot to add on to my last ask if you had any tips for someone living with in-laws long term. I live in Toronto so housing and rent prices are unaffordable.

Like I said before, your husband being your support and advocate is what makes or breaks this situation. Try your best to think of them a your own family - small things or words said can heighten emotions so this can help cool things down. Try not to take things too personally, practice active reconditioning of your thoughts so you aren't taking things personally (ie: in laws said something hurtful, instead of jumping to thinking you deserved hurtful words think about how they may have had a bad day and are misplacing their hurt, they may not have meant it as harshly as it came out, etc). Learn to laugh a lot of things off, you'll be better off for it in the long run. When it comes to personality clashes, at the end of the day they likely were raised much differently than you therefore operate differently. So the "don't take things personally" bit is really important, otherwise you'll end up doubting and second guessing yourself and your worth daily.

Some practical tips: Have your own separate bathroom + living space if possible as that helps ease day to day tensions. Plan a trip or vacation once a month, doesn't have to be extravagant just something to look forward to. Maintain your hobbies, friendships, and life outside of the home. Balance your time spent with your family. Manage expectations and check for resentments growing and address them. If you're like me and wear hijab and are living with non-mahrams, take the time you need in your room to be hijab-free and tell yourself not to feel guilty about it.

Feel free to directly message me anytime I'm more than happy to chat about this more!

[caffeineandhope]

Salaam sis, do you still live with your in-laws and how long have you lived with them/been living with them?

Wasalaam, I just logged in after who knows how long so no idea how long ago this was sent :/ I do not live with in-laws anymore. We lived apart for 2 years in the beginning, with my in-laws for 3 years, and now been on our own for 4 years alhamdulillah. It was overall a good experience for me living with my in laws, cost of living was low and I was not subjected to a lot of the typical treatment daughter-in-laws face. It all started with my husband being my advocate and support from day 1 though, without that it could have been a very different reality for me. I'm also a very giving person when it comes to domestic stuff so being naturally inclined to be active around the house helps to not clash with in-laws (since that's where most issues arise from).

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Realistically I could never get rid of tumblr because it gives me the illusion of a community of strange young women all around my same age, all slowly figuring out how to live too

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Sylvia Plath, from The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

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adonis, tr. by khaled mattawa

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I could function in a society that had an actual nightlife that isn't synonymous with just clubbing. Where are the night markets what if I want to go to the library at midnight

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my people married for 7+ years. let’s talk

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sometimes u read tumblr drama where u instantly know that no one involved is employed