cal-fixations

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omg i just went to play blood on the clock tower which i used to do like once a week for 2 years straight but i stopped this year for one reason or another. i made my return going to 1 of 2 groups i play with (they have a lot of crossover with players tho) and finally saw some people i haven’t seen in forever and they were so nice and made me feel so welcomed. i mentioned i was dying my hair pink and they said they’re all so eager to see it. like 10 people were just huddled around me talking about my pink hair, wild. and there were some new players that no one had met before and they were super nice and will probably come again so that means more friends. like ones i will se regularly too. being an adult means you see your friends like once a month if you’re lucky. that’s why i like joining these clubs where you know you’ll see people regularly, and you play a fun game too!

i’m happy to get out of the house again instead of being a *recluse* haha get it

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movie night tonight and we are watching midsommar (directors cut). i’m in a midsommar mood, just watched a video essay about it. midsommar is just that movie for me, like i can watch it a million times and i never get bored. i rewatch films all the time but it’s more likely that it’s to show it to other people. midsommar is different in that i will just sit down and watch it alone and have done so many times. i think it’s my most rewatched film? number 2 would be tied between la la land and superbad, just because i’ve liked those movies so long that i’ve shown them to a good amount of people.

and yes. i own the really cool collector directors cut of midsommar with the special case and stuff. one of the best birthday gifts ever.

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watched the lobster

it felt really familiar and i couldn’t tell why and then yep, same director as killing of a sacred deer. i was like “i know i’ve seen this monotone thing before”. as i watch more and more movies i think i just like when they talk like real people. is that a bad film buff thing to say? it’s why i can’t get though very much of i’m thinking of ending things. it takes me out of the story because they’re taking about 14 turns to get from point A to point B like i understand it’s a stylistic choice, but it’s no my preference. i think things are more profound when they sound like thoughts inside a head instead of thoughts you needed a thesaurus out for. like i can’t see the characters saying/thinking these things i can only see the writer thinking really hard about how exactly they want to write it out.

but anyways, the lobster was good. i also watched lars and the real girl before it and omg ryan gosling was adorable. do i need to watch more ryan gosling? i think so.

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i watched a real pain last night and after about 10 minutes i was like “this was written by a zionist” and then i found out is was written by jesse eisenburg who IS a zionist. i had no idea! movie was good and was non-political in substance but it’s lack of mention of palestine seemed deliberate.

benji would be pro-palestine btw

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yes i’ve seen the hockey duos twitter edit. there’s love in this game i tell ya.

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horrible bosses 2! jason sudeikis’ perpetual 5 o’ clock shadow #yum

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“why would your buddy be in the shower with you?”

“why would your DAD?!”

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this image is biblical to me. hockey camaraderie makes me feel emotions.

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i liek when jason sudeikis yells in horrible bosses. he’s so sexy i’m going to puke fr.

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mature content for saying s3x. but reading about dr.strange mind-fingering me is fine and safe OKAY

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plans are coming together to finally meet my online friend of 8 years! he’s coming to me crappy hometown and then we’re flying to toronto to go to furnal equinox!!! i’m hoping things aren’t awkward, i think we’ll warm up quick but it’ll be so weird like, interacting with him irl. but i get to dog it up around the big city with my dog friend and we will do dog shenanigans. despite me being a furry for like… 12 years so like 3 years longer than him, he does more furry things than me so i’m hoping he can help me do more con things. like maybe a room party (the party kind not the sex kind) but idk drinking around people i don’t know makes me nervous and room party horror stories actually SCARE ME. at least i won’t be alone!

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i’ve been addicted from my phone since like.. grade 10? i’ve been chronically online and just had my head in so many online spaces (mostly as an observer, i don’t post a lot) and i’m not sure what’s brought this on, maybe like the exactly 1 hike i’ve been on. but all that stuff that is so scary on the internet, the stuff that people fight relentlessly about on twitter. yeah like almost none of it affects you if you put your phone down. obviously not talking about stuff on the news or real world issues. just the stuff that circulates so quickly and dies the same week.

i think of the internet as every single person typing is most likely a child or has nothing better to do then be on the internet instead of existing in reality. and those are the people that people choose to let run their lives with fabricated or wrong information.

but if we are talking about news and real world issues. if you truly truly want to be informed on what is going on in the world you have to seek out the information. 100% factual and researched information is not just going to be given to you, especially not on your fyp, sorry. follow a news org or independent journalist that makes sure they have all the info before publishing, even if the story has already broke. political influencers get things wrong all! the! time! because they need to be first. so video A (with wrong information) goes viral and video B (fixing that misinformation) doesn’t and you never see it and continue to believe and cite video A. you can’t blame the influencer because they did everything to fix their mistake, you can only blame yourself for not doing your own research.

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hello. i’ve been existing in nature and distancing myself from a lot of stuff so i can look at it from afar and evaluate what i’m doing and if it’s making me happy. just summer things!!!!

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you may think it takes me reading the posts on this blog to realize i’m desperate but jokes on you; i already know that!

i have been a serial and passionate crush-haver since preschool and at this point i have no shame. all of my friends are aware and i joke about my new man obsession every week.

i wish i weren’t like this since sometimes i’m satisfied enough with the idea of a person enough that i don’t pursue them. talking irl here of course. i’m also not one to take risks so i need to be very sure there is a chance they like me back before i do anything. this can still backfire though somehow.

my last crush was this guy i would see on a weekly basis. i was borderline in love with him. he was always super sweet when i would see him. i’m pretty self conscious so i would always assume there was nothing behind this but it gets to a point and even my friend started noticing. he would ask about me when i wasn’t there, like he brought me up out of nowhere and about a topic that had nothing to do with anything. when i was there his body would face me and he would notice even the little things i was doing. he would laugh loudly at my jokes and compliment me out of the blue. i was so convinced there was something and i’m still not sure if there was or wasn’t but the reality was he had a girlfriend the whole time. a girlfriend he never talked about and never brought along anywhere, no one asked about her. i wasn’t just hurt that i had no shot anymore i was also hurt that maybe he would’ve also been a shitty boyfriend. i mean i knew him for almost 2 years and he never mentioned her? like i’ve never seen her at all.

i wish i was over him but i always secretly hope he breaks up with her and tells me the answer was always me or some bullshit. i don’t even go to the place i saw him anymore. not because of this but because i’m always busy taking care of my dog… which i got because i was upset over him but whatever. thinking about starting to go again because i’ve missed it. and maybe i’ll talk to his cute coworker that has a cute dog and likes camping, idk

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JASON SUDEIKIS!!!! 25 years is no big deal! give me a chance!

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watching seeing other people as a full blown sudeikishead… woah mama.

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he was so sweet to my dog too… should i break my sink???