calithal

[calithal]

i want.. a new icon and many such things but how about you like this for a starter ^-^ will likely start a para or two but we'll see how long that lasts.

[calithal]

i want.. a new icon and many such things but how about you like this for a starter ^-^ will likely start a para or two but we'll see how long that lasts.

[calithal]

i miss writing cj hook so much i'm feral about it

[calithal]

Madelyn Cline photographed by Royal Gilbert for SCMP Style Magazine | 2023

[calithal]

𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂 𝙿𝙾𝚂𝚂𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙸𝚅𝙴

"No, seriously, get your hands off my man."

"Baby blues, undressin' him."

"Funny how you think that I don't notice it."

"You're actin' like we're friends, we're the opposite."

"I know what you are, tryin' so hard."

"You're runnin' 'round tryna fuck a star."

"Look at the floor or ceilin' or anyone else you're feelin'."

"Take home whoever walks in."

"Take home whoever walks in, just keep your eyes off him."

"Yes, I'm Miss Possessive."

"Pretty girl, gon' learn your lesson."

"Some fights you never gon' win."

"Just keep your eyes off him."

"Yeah, I'll be nice up until I'm not."

"Tonight I forgot."

"I'm tellin' you, you haven't seen the 1 a.m. side of me."

"I'm tellin' you, you haven't seen the 1 a.m. side of me when I'm two drinks in, and you just can't leave me and my man alone."

"Go."

𝟸 𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙳𝚂

"I want your two hands."

"Don't ever let me go."

"I want your two hands on me."

"You don't need to tell me you love me."

"I don't need to hear I'm your number one."

"Everybody's second place."

"You don't gotta shit-talk your last girl, sayin' she don't compare to me."

"Baby, I ain't saying you don't know me well."

"It's just not the shit I need."

"They're just words, they don't mean much."

"Need a little less talk and a lot more touch."

"I just want your two hands on me at all times."

"If you let go better put 'em right back fast."

"Want your two hands on me like my life needs savin'."

"Can you do it like that?"

"You ain't gonna win with the jewelry

"Don't need the cute fuckin' names."

"We don't gotta live out of hotels."

"We could do it in my room all day."

"And I know you could spoil me plenty more."

"I don't really trust that anymore."

"And I already got that bag for free, but if you bought it, then that's sweet."

"They're just things, they don't mean much."

"I seen a real good thing turn to real fucked up."

"You look good on top of me."

𝚁𝙴𝚅𝙾𝙻𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙳𝙾𝙾𝚁

"My cold heart is finally melting."

"I moved from the east to the west wing."

"I finally think it might be helping."

"I confess, I'm not that versatile."

"Say I'm good, but I might be in denial."

"Takes one call and that undoes the dial."

"Baby, I tried to call you."

"I tried to call you off like a bad habit."

"I keep comin' back like a revolvin' door."

"Say I couldn't want you less, but I just want you more."

"Shut it down."

"Fuck me good, fuck me up."

"I gotta move towns."

"How'd I get from your gym to your couch?"

"Change my mind so much I can't find it."

"I work so much, can't be reminded."

"Life feels worse, but good with you in it."

"Supposed to be on stage, but fuck it, I need a minute."

"Change my mind so much it's exhaustin'."

"I still think 'bout that night out in Boston."

"I'm more hurt than I would admit."

"I'm supposed to be an adult, but fuck it, I need a minute."

"I need a minute."

𝙱𝙻𝙾𝙾𝙳𝙾𝙽𝙼𝚈𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙳𝚂

"I got some blood on my hands."

"I held you in the night."

"I kept all your secrets in a vault inside my mind."

"I was so prepared to let you cross all my lines."

"I was so prepared to fight a war on your side."

"So where'd it go?"

"One second you were begging for my time."

"You're scheming like you out your fucking mind."

"You forgot I got a lotta pride and choices."

"Didn't think that I'd go."

"I dance like I can't be bothered, know it kills you."

"I bounced back and found another, and he hates you."

"You're seein' stars and it fucks you up so hard."

"I can't be bothered when I'm half-drunk."

"You're my worst one."

"It fucks you up so hard."

"I got a new man to please."

"Fallin' for you is a damn disease."

"I knew you were messin' around."

"You wanna go play in the streets, but you know me, I ain't goin' for that."

"I hit the club and I'm throwin' it back."

"So when they call, I answer that."

"Okay, had a couple drinks and he fallin'."

"Get a grip, I'm sick of you callin'."

"I'm pretty and worth it."

"My feelings ain't hurtin'."

"Won't stay if it ain't workin'."

"Yeah, I move as fast as I can."

𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 𝙶𝙾𝙳

"I lay there, back of my mind he stay there, pops up time to time."

"Hey there haven't seen you in two years."

"But baby, we still breathe the same air."

"New love and it's almost working."

"I never used to be this person but here I am."

"Hands on my chest and my knees on the carpet."

"I'm hoping you'll stop it."

"Take his kiss right out of my brain."

"Take the pleasure out of my pain."

"Take the way he used to say, "I love you"."

"Get his imprint out of my bed."

"Take amazing out of our sex."

"Take away the way I still might want to."

"All the memories, I play 'em all back."

"To erase his name I'd give everything that I have."

"All my no good thoughts, I pray about that."

"Hottest thing I've ever touched, just being honest."

"Really tryna be good, I promise."

"Dear God."

𝙿𝚄𝚁𝙿𝙻𝙴 𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙴 𝙱𝚁𝙰

"I been singin', I been screamin', I been goin' all night 'til my throat's bleedin'."

"I been cryin', I been dreamin'."

"Yeah, I know that you look, but you don't see it."

"Did my purple laced bra catch your attention?"

"The look in your eye made me question."

"Would you hear me more if I whispered in your ear?"

"You made all my inner thoughts sound like, "Ah, ah"."

"Would you hear me more if I touch you right here?"

"You made everythin' I want sound like, "Ah, ah"."

"Would you hear me?"

"I could take it off for you and tell you what I'm goin' through."

"'Cause my body positioning determines if you're listenin'."

"Did my dance on your lap pique your interest?"

"Now I got you like that, let me finish."

"I'm losin' my mind."

"You only listen when I'm undressed."

"You hear what you like and none of the rest."

"I'm losin' my mind 'cause giving you head's the only time you think I got depth."

"You feel what you like and none of the rest."

𝚂𝙿𝙾𝚁𝚃𝚂 𝙲𝙰𝚁

"Hey, cute jeans. Take mine off me."

"Oh, golly gee."

"I can't take no more, I'm goin' weak in my knees."

"Where'd you put those keys?"

"We can share one seat."

"With the windows rolled down."

"Don't make me choose."

"I think you know what this is."

"I think you wanna... uh."

"No, you ain't got no Mrs, but you got a sports car."

"You got a sports car. We can uh-uh in it while you drive it real far."

"Pretty blue streetlights and my hazel eyes and if it feels right we could go again like three, four times."

"You're so my type, I got butterflies."

"You could do it on your own while you're lookin' at me."

"You don't wanna waste my time."

"Let's go ride."

"Yeah, you know what this is."

𝚂𝙸𝙶𝙽𝚂

"That's some kinda crazy, thinking we're all good."

"It's the opposite lately."

"I know you're intelligent, just no rocket scientist."

"So take all my silences and do your damn best to figure it out."

"That one look means I wanna go."

"'I'm not mad,' means you're in trouble."

"If you know me, you should know."

"'I hate you,' means I need you more."

"If I say, "Go have fun, babe," that's just short for 'you should know me better.'"

"Shouldn't have to tell you or whatever, read my mind."

"I need your sex like quick."

"You said something and now I'm pissed."

"It's like that or it's like this. You should know."

"For God's sake, don't believe a word that I say."

"I wanna touch on you all day."

"Instead, I'm pushing you away."

"So classic, assuming you're telepathic."

"Okay, it might make me batshit."

"I'm just doing it out of habit."

"See the signs."

𝙸 𝙺𝙽𝙾𝚆 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴

"No lie, you lookin' sexy on the magazine, but what you doing after the photos?"

"Looks like I'll be in the covers with you, practicing a new kind of promo."

"Baby, if you want, I'll give you somethin' you can hold on, you can feel for now."

"Baby if you want, I'll give you something but you only got me right now."

"I know love, when it hits."

"It's a little like drugs."

"I got you sick in the morning, down on your knees."

"You're so fucked up falling for me."

"We started off friends, how we end up here?

"I don't know, but I don't see no problems."

"We started off friends, how you end up here, next to me?"

"Honestly, this shit's crazy."

"You're my type."

"You said it was gon' be quick, now we're twelve months in."

"Everybody needs somebody they can hold down."

"Stop actin' like you're tough and let your guard down."

"New love, new plans, new script."

"It's only the beginning, but it's happening quick."

"New nails, new hair, new tricks."

"New positions that I put you on and then I put you in."

𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴 𝙸 𝙳𝙾

"You say you wanna know me, you don't wanna know me."

"You don't wanna know me, you just wanna do what I do."

"You been tryna read me."

"You think you wanna be me."

"You should go ahead and try to."

"You got ten fingers 'round my neck at all times."

"You think 'bout me ten times more than even your own life."

"I thought nothing of it till I saw you last."

"You got your own, but you started eyeing down on my man, and my clothes, and my plans."

"I know you're praying on my downfall."

"I don't trust you, not at all."

"What you gonna do when they all find out?"

"You ain't what you paint to the public."

"Friends with the ones that you know you shit talking about."

"You're so composed, it's insufferable."

"I ain't never seen that many faces."

"I ain't never ever wanna ever switch places."

"You know I thought we were friends."

"I get this weird feeling in my stomach."

"I can't tell if you want to kill me or if you wanna kiss me."

"Sometimes I'm flattered, but also, fuck you."

"Get the fuck away from me."

𝙸𝚃’𝚂 𝙾𝙺 𝙸’𝙼 𝙾𝙺

"I see you so excited, you got him locked down."

"You're movin' like I did before I found out."

"He ain't just a pretty-faced talker."

"He's good with his money, I'm close to his mother."

"You're seein' one-sided."

"You got him right now."

"He's so perfect"

"Oh, what version?"

"Ain't nobody got me this nervous."

"Oh, baby, I been there. And right in that same position."

"Don't get this twisted."

"No, nothin' could make me miss it."

"Take him, he's yours."

"He was such a romantic."

"You got me like, 'Fuck that'."

"Some months and some long flights, now I can't go near that."

"It's okay, I'm okay."

"You can have him anyway."

"I don't want him anyway, girl, take him."

𝙽𝙾 𝙸’𝙼 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙸𝙽 𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴

"Swear I'm only sleeping at your house six times in one week 'cause it's convenient."

"Only kinda dressing like you now 'cause your clothes, they fit me, and that's a good reason."

"I told you one, two, three times."

"Don't be reading through lines."

"Every friend of mine, I told them the same."

"No, I am not in love."

"I am not thinking 'bout you."

"Sun's not gonna come out, and I don't hate every girl your eyes go to."

"I am not in love. The sky has never been blue."

"No, I am not in love. No, I'm not, not, not with you."

"Why would you think that?"

"I'm not bothered looking up your exes."

"We got the same taste, that ain't my fault."

"If I slip and I somehow say it, you should know in advance I'm wasted."

"I don't really care what it feels like or what it looks like."

𝙼𝙴𝙰𝙽𝚂 𝙸 𝙲𝙰𝚁𝙴

"'Shit, I probably shoulda', that's my favorite line."

"Stick around? I woulda. It just isn't what I'm like."

"Got no better way to put it."

"I know you're puttin' in the time."

"You know I don't mean it, right?"

"It's nothin' that you did or didn't do."

"I say 'I will' and never follow through."

"The second I admit I felt it too... I was gone."

"It's not about bein' hard to get."

"I planted a seed in the back of my head."

"Little too good, got me second-guessin'."

"Never been good at the self-expression."

"It's nothin' that you did or coulda done."

"No, this just ain't a fight you coulda won."

"Sorry, I'm the best who's ever been at stringing you along."

"Must mean that it's goin' somewhere."

"It's not what I want, it's just all I know."

"If overnight I up and end it, run away without a mention, go ghost... I like you the most."

"If I cut you off, it just means I care."

"I like you the most."

𝙶𝚁𝙴𝙴𝙽𝙻𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃

"Who'd've thought we'd get here with our history?"

"You know I tried to be what he thought I was, I wasn't."

"I tried to be everything I thought he wanted."

"Truthfully, I'm so over but stuck on it."

"And if I'm honest I'm still waiting at the green light."

"I'd tell you what I feel like, but I can't go."

"I'm still tryna make a beeline, stuck up in a rewrite of the same song."

"Band-Aids and bullet holes don't go."

"I can't unhear shit I've been told."

"Guess I never healed right."

"Babe, you know I can't lie."

"I'm the most alive I think I'll maybe ever be."

"Maybe it's a green light."

𝙽𝙾𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙻𝙶𝙸𝙰

"Daddy went to law school and could've been an architect. Now he's turnin' sixty and wonders where the big dream went."

"Two eyes down, a little luck."

"Took it to the Ivies and never really knew for what."

"I bite my tongue ten times a day."

"Half swear to God, I might just pray."

"I got a lot to lose, so I might as well lose it anyway."

"I manifested you would leave, so the day you did, I had you beat."

"I'm three steps ahead of everythin'."

"Oh, where does the time go?"

"You never really know."

"No, shit, we got so close"

"Funny thing about nostalgia. Didn't show up 'til I lost ya."

"My ma wasn't raised right."

"All she ever knew was guilt."

"Little did she know that's all her kids would ever grow to feel."

"Every choice leads back to the trait."

"Every time that I drink and heart that I break."

"It's a truckload of regret and stupid mistakes."

"I manifested you would leave."

[calithal]

rewatching the originals but i just cannot stop thinking about how unfortunately klaus 🤝 cj on ... too many occasions

[calithal]

i'm gonna see if i can find a gifset bc it's easy and free :) but the scene in yj where natalie fakes javi's death using his torn pants. yeah cj!

[calithal]

greedy by tate mcrae is to cj what madelyn cline also is to cj. i could not give you more commentary beyond that but it’s the same relation. additionally tate mcrae is also. like that to cj in general.

[calithal]

watched so many katseye tiktoks and they got a curly haired blonde who's a Dancer so naturally. i'm here🧍‍♀️thinking abt the worst girl

[calithal]

watching thirteen and it never fails to make me think of cj before she faked her death at that age, it's so bad. think of the most manipulative meanest middle schooler you know, and cj's worse.

[calithal]

“Where she stops...” (👀)

whump wheel -> cj emotions, accepting!  ༄

human shield/captured.

                their  captors  had  stuffed  them  in  something  close  to  a  dungeon,  though  she’d  kind  of  assumed  they’d  moved  those  to  the  isle.  when  cj  was  small  enough  to  get  the  better  of,  like  this,  she  was  always  kept  too  close  for  it  to  happen.  and  it  still  did,  of  course.  happened  to  her,  and  harriet,  and  harry.  but  her  the  least,  because  she’d  clung  with  claws  and  teeth.  and  anyway,  the  other  two  were  always  more  hook’s  children  than  she  was,  at  least  to  everyone  else.  cj  had  to  make  his  name  hers,  all  on  her  own.

                anyway,  it  just  means  she  knows  what  she’s  doing.  she  knows  what  weaknesses  to  look  for  that’ll  let  her  slip  through.  cj  reaches  down  to  fish  the  little  dagger  she’d  stuffed  in  her  boot.  everything  else,  they’d  taken.  it’s  just  fine  by  her,  she’d  get  them  back  and  she’s  just  as  ferocious  with  her  hands.

                there  isn’t  any  windows,  but  cj  can  see  where  she’d  been  marked  with  her  eyes,  a  bloody  mess  sitting  on  her  ribs  as  someone  had  tried  to  knock  the  breath  out  of  her  with  a  needle.  it  was  kinda’  funny,  but  it  hurt  like  hell,  her  eyes  wander  the  room  with  something  to  cover  it  with.

                a  plan,  a  solution  clicks  into  place  firmly  as  her  eyes  wander  towards  the  sleeping  prince,  and  his  attire.  a  sharp,  tearing  sound  is  what  finally  wakes  him,  cj  splits  the  fabric  from  his  frame,  uses  the  torn  shirt  to  tie  over  her  own  wounds  as  a  makeshift  bandage.  it’s  very,  very  satisfying,  as  it  always  is,  to  ruin  something  auradonian.  it’s  his  fault  anyway.  if  steve  wasn’t  so  fucking  useless,  this  never  would’ve  happened.  he  let  her  get  fucking  gutted  right  in  front  of  him  and  just  stood  there.  idiot.  cj  had  taken  her  own  chunk  of  flesh  before  whatever  they  stuck  into  her  kicked  in.  auradon  drugs  are  such  bullshit,  she  hasn’t  had  the  time  to  get  used  to  those.  not  yet,  anyway.  she  saves  her  questions  from  when  he  wakes,  her  mind  tunneling  to  survival  instinct  as  she  starts  fucking  with  the  door  that  has  them  shut  in.

                so  when  his  eyes  open,  she’s  already  moving,  but  she  notices  him  soon  enough.  cj  crosses  the  room  to  where  he’s  propped  up  against  the  wall,  crouching  down,  condescending.  she  flicks  his  nose,    “  wakey,  wakey,  stevie  boy.  ”    cj  tilts  her  head,  blinks  large  brown  eyes.    “  who  the  fuck’s  after  you?  ”

[calithal]

@nephalemheir asked: “Where she stops…”

whump wheel -> cj emotions, accepting!  ༄

collapse.

                time  is  completely  lost  to  her.  it  means  nothing,  as  useless  as  the  ticking  on  her  father’s  clock.  time  doesn’t  matter  as  cj  swings,  loose  in  the  air  against  …  something.  it’s  not  any  of  her  business.  she’s  probably  dead  anyway,  or  dying.  for  real  this  time.  she  tangles  between  real  and  not  real,  alive  and  not.  all  cj  feels  is  that  she’s  a  body,  not  a  girl,  and  not  a  sister.  this  body  curls  up  against  another,  warmer  than  hers,  it  incites  shivers  into  her.  through  the  warmth,  she  can  see  how  it  opposites  her  cold.  and  the  fire  is  warm,  so  cj  curls  around  it.  she  develops  an  awareness  around  the  arms  that  hold  her,  drawing  threads  between  the  swinging  to  realize  she’s  being  carried.  a  soft  noise,  carved  out  of  prey,  leaves  her,  a  pounding  migraine  develops.  fragments  of  a  moment  sewn  together  to  reveal  whatever  the  fuck  happened  to  her.

                this  clarity  invites  a  sweep  of  sensation,  smells  she  knew  and  the  feeling  of  her  cheek  against  soft  red  hair.  it’s  too  perfect.  cj’s  eyes  open,  groggy  and  exhausted.    “  where  you  takin’  me?  ”    madi’s  hands  prop  up  her  thighs  and  waist,  tucked  under  them  as  she’s  cradled  up  like  a  little  kid.    “  you  don’t  get  to  have  me,  y’know.  ”    it’s  a  little  bit  of  giving  up  and  self-inflicted  hurt,  and  a  little  bit  of  taunting,  teasing  in  preparation  for  when  cj  inevitably  leaves  them,  again.    “  you  keep  …  tryin’,  but  it’s  not  gonna’  work.  ”    her  chin  thumps  against  their  shoulder,  opening  her  mouth  to  gnaw  on  the  fair  skin  there.    “  i’m  no  good,  and  you  …  you  don’t  deserve  it.  you  don’t  get  to  win.  i  don’t  belong  to  anyone,  definitely  not  fucking  you.  ”

[calithal]

EUPHORIA — 2.03, Ruminations: Big and Little Bullys

[calithal]

i want the whump wheel gimme the whump wheel (pls ♥)

whump wheel -> cj emotions, accepting!  ༄

temporary character death.

                she’s  given  the  slip  already,  to  everyone.  their  names  and  faces  rattle  off  in  cj’s  mind,  btu  she  doesn’t  get  tugged  into  the  spinning  tornado  of  memory.  it  shakes  and  tips  on  its  side  unsteadily.  somewhere,  there’s  a  party  meant  to  trap  her.  cj’s  not  there  anymore.  honestly,  she  still  can’t  stop  running.  there  was  a  moment  in  auradon  where  her  and  freddie  had  settled.  stolen  a  ship  just  for  them,  pushed  the  fuckwad  in  charge  off  board  and  laughed.  but  then  it  had  been  …  peace,  in  the  violence  of  it.  there’s  none  of  that,  anymore,  and  cj  doesn’t  have  time  to  mourn  because  their  eyes  could  still  be  on  her.  she  just  moves,  the  rest  of  her  quaking  with  every  pound  of  her  foot  to  the  ground.  it’s  why  she’s  going  fast,  and  quiet,  looking  behind  her  when  she  can  spare  a  moment.  and  she  really  fucking  can’t,  because  they  all  know  her.  she  thinks  about  harry,  and  how  he  grabbed  her  when  he  found  her.  she  can’t  get  out  of  that  again.  

                so,  cj  doesn’t  know  where  she’s  going,  but  she  is,  her  mind  tying  itself  in  ceaseless,  tangled,  tearing  knots.  she  runs  the  same  bloodied  circles,  they’re  gonna’  get  me.  they  are.  she  has  nothing  fucking  else.  but  it’s  the  isle,  she  supposes  that’s  all  anyone  has.  it’s  the  isle.  and  they  dragged  her  all  the  way  back  here.  no  barrier,  what’s  stopping  her  from  leaving  again?  she  could  go,  freddie  would  come  too,  and  they’d  never  get  caught  again.  she  could  go,  she  could.

                there  is  something,  she  finds.  red  and  orange  flame  against  the  black  of  the  night.  except,  there’s  stars  now.  stars  and-  and  maddy.  she’s  right  there.  cj  freezes,  kept  enough  distance  that  she’d  know  if  the  cat  leapt  forward,  to  get  her  too.  there’s  two  voices  in  her,  one  that  says  maddy  had  always  been  hers,  and  one  that  says  so  much  has  changed.  maddy  could  be  anything  now.  nina  used  to  be  hers,  and  now  she  was-

                there’s  a  roaring  in  her  ears,  not  from  maddy.  it’s  quiet,  here,  instead.  when  they  both  just  look  at  each  other,  staring,  and  cj  doesn’t  know  what  to  do  because  she  needs  to  keep  moving  because  they’ll  know-  they’ll  know  if  she  stops.  she’s  had  her  moment,  to  eat  maddy  up  with  her  eyes,  and  now  to  swallow.  there’s  so  much  cj  can’t  touch,  that  she  hadn’t  thought  about  in  years  because  she  could  never  come  back  to  what  she’d  left  behind.  and  now,  she  still  can’t.  cj  can’t  fucking  do  anything.  she’s  stood  still  for  so  long,  she  needs  to  move-  

                the  cat  does  leap,  thumps  against  her  chest  sudden  enough  that  even  with  panic-blown-wide  eyes  cj  lets  out  a  stupid  little  sound.  maddy’s  arms  fasten  hers  against  her  side,  causing  cj  to  wriggle  and  fuss  and  the  words  finally  come  out,  her  breathing  cutting  into  them  so  sharp,  like  little  shards  of  glass.    “  no-  no,  stop.  you  don’t-  you  don’t  know-  you  don’t  know  what  i  did,  you  can’t-  get-  get  off  me.  ”    getting  her  nerve  back,  cj  shoves  her  off.  a  force.    “  get  the  fuck  off!  ”    she  had  crept  up  to  a  volume  coming  from  her  chest,  desperate  and  potent.  she  doesn’t  know  yet,  that  she’ll  never  want  to  touch  her  again,  after  this.  she  doesn’t  know-    “  you  don’t  fucking  get  it.  ”    it  comes  out  like  spit,  cj  throws  herself  against  the  brick  wall  behind  her,  sliding  down  and  hoping  for  scars.    “  you  can’t,  you  don’t  know-  you  don’t  know  what  i  did.  to-  to  you,  and  to-  to  everyone.  i  had  to,  i  had  to  do  it.  you  can’t  understand.  ”

[calithal]

“Where she stops...” it had 2 happen ok

whump wheel -> cj emotions, accepting!  ༄

sensory overload.

                everything  feels  shelled  out  and  empty,  and  at  the  same  time  an  explosion.  every  conversation  leads  to  ruin  and  ash  and  it  passes  through  her  hands.  the  dust.  no  longer  a  fire,  only  what’s  left  of  it.  that’s  the  fucking  worst.  they  don’t  fight  for  her  anymore  because  they  don’t  care,  grown  up  and  leaving  cj  behind  who  thought  it  would  last  forever,  just  the  three  of  them.  and  so  the  only  fire  left  to  burn  is  cj.  and  nobody  wants  her  anymore,  like  a  discarded  broken  toy.  fucked  up  little  sister.  harry  calls  her  a  brat.  

                but  she’s  fourteen,  that’s  fucking  grown  enough.

                cj  had  gone  to  the  hangman’s  daughter  first,  and  then  to  the  lost  revenge.  it  all  had  ended  the  same,  she  knows  what  they  think  of  her.  harriet  and  harry,  both.  her  ears  filled  up  with  burning  cotton,  and  they  both  ended  the  same.  cj  running  off,  and  nobody  comes  to  catch  her.  they  have  other  things  to  be  doing,  and  she’d  never  cry  in  front  of  them  anyway.  she  curls,  and  carves  holes  into  herself.  it’s  too  quiet  on  her  own.  she’s  chosen  the  hiding  spot  closest  to  the  wharf.  it’s  easier  that  way,  familiar  too.  but  it  makes  everything  on  the  inside  of  her  so  much  worse. fire roars on her skin. her nails don't scratch anything nearly enough, each purchase they find could be enough to scar, and yet it's still not.

                  it’s  kind  of  fascinating,  watching  gen  come  find  her.  she  doesn’t  even  have  to  ask,  to  beg  her  to.  gen  just  does  it.  they  let  her  do  whatever  she  wants  to  them.  even  when  she  tries  to  fight  her,  they’re  nothing  like  cj.  they  don’t  need  to  tell  her  for  her  to  know  she’s  not  from  the  isle.  when  cj  keeps  her  all  to  herself  like  this,  nobody  else  gets  to  know  what  she  does.  gen’s  like  a  secret  treasure,  one  her  big  sister  and  brother  have  never  met.

                  it’s  like  this,  leaky  faucet  cj  that  tightens  up  the  second  something  else  creaks  on  the  floorboards  besides  her,  when  they  come  find  her.  the  pirate’s  pressed  into  a  corner,  shoved  so  far  she  might  get  splinters.  better  that  way,  she  thinks.  it’s  too  dark  to  see  anything  but  the  flame  in  cj’s  eyes,  guiding  gen  to  her  like  a  moth.    “  you’re  never  gonna’  leave  me,  yeah?  ”    her  voice  scratches  in  her  throat,  in  her  mouth.  the  only  genuine  thing  to  come,  before  cj  turns  sour  and  mocking.    “  you  wouldn’t  go  to  another  ship,  leave  me  all  on  my  own  with  daddy.  ”    gen,  green  eyed  and  small,  turns  into  someone  else,  cj  forgets  her  and  her  tone  turns  mocking,  pouty.    “  even  etti’s  too  big  for  me  now.  ”

[calithal]

cj on the other hand is huge gift giver, never traditional or consistent of course. i haven’t done a true love language test for her yet (i think? i may have years ago tho) as she is someone who does not healthily love or communicate. cj does gift giving (wild animals version) where she shows up with shiny things or corpses. (sometimes that’s acts of service tho) she’s also never present when giving the gift so she can have deniability.

[calithal]

where she stops...

whump wheel -> cj emotions, accepting!  ༄

stabbed.

                he's  kind  of  bad  news.  not  worse  than  her,  still.  but  still  bad  enough  she's  not  supposed  to  climb  in  his  window,  bleeding.  bad  news  doesn’t  take  care  of  worse  news.  he’s  got  his  own  shit  going  on,  doesn’t  have  time  for  her  when  they’re  not  tearing  each  other  apart.  but  anyway,  she  half  just  wants  to  see  what  he’ll  do  when  she  shows  up,  a  wound  torn  into  her  and  her  clothes  stained  very,  very  red.  she  does  try  to  do  a  little  twirl,  to  show  off  her  seeping  fashion  statement  except-

                fuck.  she’s  halfway  between  being  knocked  on  her  ass  and  into  ben.    “  i’m  so  fucking  dizzy,  ben.  ”    she  giggles,  high  and  delighted  as  the  rest  of  her  sings  with  misery.  her  own  body  pushes  down,  she  can  feel  it  happening  as  the  rest  of  everything  falls  from  beneath  her  and  cj  tips,  her  eyes  shutting  the  light  out.

                cj  fades  in  and  out  of  awake-  consciousness.  she  thinks  he’s  angry  with  her.  it  doesn’t  really  matter,  he  always  comes  around.  she  still  can’t  quite  see,  or  think,  but  she  knows  his  hands  are  on  her.  cj  hears  the  sound  of  tearing  fabric,  and  tying.  she  feels  the  pressure.  she  hears  him  curse,  too.  she’s  never  felt  like  more  of  a  fuck  boy  than  when  he’s  patching  up  her  wounds,  now.  she  thinks  she  hears  what  happened?  doesn’t  matter.  who  did  this?  doesn’t  matter.  why  are  you  here?  well,  she’s  got  no  fucking  clue.  her  head  falls  back  to  the  wall  behind  her  with  a  thunk.  why  does  she  feel  so  heavy?  cj  only  realizes  when  she  tries  to  shove  him  off,  she  can’t.  it  makes  her  laugh,  again,  and  instead,  she  falls  forward,  right  into  him.  ben’s  warmer  than  she  is,  cj  plans  to  suck  it  all  up  and  out  of  him,  steal  it.

                with  a  little  bit  of  shuffling,  cj  drapes  over  him  like  a  spoiled  pet,  tucks  her  head  dangerously  neck  to  his  neck,  the  rest  of  her  limbs  folded  up  into  his  lap.  she  does  all  of  this  without  words,  only  winces  of  pain  and  creaks,  noises  that  slip  out  from  her  that  she  doesn’t  pay  attention  to.  she  can’t.  her  whole  world  moves  slow,  and  she  just  wants  to  be  warm.  it  doesn’t  matter  if  it  burns.  and  then,  cj  opens  her  mouth.  it  all  comes  tumbling  out.

                “  ‘s  weird.  ”    she  slurs,  shifting  her  face  to  leave  a  squished  cheek  on  one  shoulder.    “  usually  i’m  the  one  stabbing  you.  ”    she  pokes  at  her  side,  where  …  whatever.  it  hurts,  anyway.  wakes  her  up  a  little  bit.  cj  blinks,  lets  her  eyes  stay  right  where  they  are,  the  rest  of  her  floods,  but  not  her  eyes.    “  you’re  the  only  person  in  the  whole  world  who  likes  me.  and  i  like  hurting  you.  ”    and  then  she  does  look  at  him,  sort  of,  one  finger  going  trace  over  the  bridge  of  his  nose,  memorizing  the  feel  of  his  skin.  warm.    “  i  think  i  like  it  ‘cause  you’re  like  me,  and  i’m  my  favorite  person  to  hurt.  ”    but  then,  she’s  back  to  the  cold,  turning  back  in  on  herself.