call3am

[call3am]

" i'd advise caution, madam. these back streets are ... often occupied by wrong doers. you'd do well to go back from where you came. " // from victoria i am forcing u to meet her

The chill of the night air leaves her form trembling softly with the wind , prickling skin a cruel reminder of the jacket she'd forgotten to grab before leaving her apartment . Eleven knew she would regret her impulsiveness , the promise of an after work snack she'd been craving far too tempting to sway her resolve . Now , with nothing but the dull street lights to guide her walk , she contemplates turning around ... only to second - guess her own worries and continue on her path .

Clinging to her phone with thumb ready to dial a safety net , Eleven strides forward in her fear ... but , with so much attention on moving forward , she hardly notices the leaves crunching against the pavement beside her , trampled underneath the body that passes her with a confident gait .

The unfamiliar voice evokes a sharp inhale , a delicate huff following intended to steady own nerves 'fore she turns to face the other woman . Though she offers a polite smile , Eleven's belly swirls with unease ; the warning all but confirming the paranoia that had steadily swelled within her .

' Mm , I ... had a feeling . But , um ... ' She sizes the stranger up , teeth catching the inside of her cheek — delicately pulling as she contemplates . ' Well , I'm surprised you're out here alone , then . Are you heading this way ? Maybe we could go together ... ? '

[call3am]

m- .... mother?

Her laughter is light & airy , bubbling with the affection that swells within her chest the moment word escapes his adorable little body . With a smile , gentle hand extends to fall upon his head , two affectionate pats atop his quills before gently cradling his head .

' Is everything alright ? You look a bit tired ... '

[call3am]

what if he appeared in front of u and stared at u like this

[call3am]

反派大魔王030 on LOFTER ↪ license CC BY-NC-SA : reposting/editing with credit IF licensed under identical terms ✔️ ; commercial use ❌

[call3am]

teeeheheh ....

[call3am]

𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐈 𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐃𝐎𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐑 & 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐗 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓

hi this is a private, semi-selective roleplay blog for 𝐜𝐨𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐜 from aisno's path to nowhere, as portrayed by vivi ! thirty+. (x) (x)

i take my bones inscribed by those who came before, and learn to court myself under a violence of stars. i prefer to become demon, what their eyes cannot. half of me is beautiful, half of me is a promise filled with the quietest places.

[call3am]

Easier said than done , she thinks , for the suspicions she's carried being so nonchalantly confirmed only threatens to shatter whatever self - esteem has been amassed . Eleven's amusement does not mirror Coquelic's own , the curve of own lips quickly sinking into a rather miserable frown . Her silence is rooted in sorrows and insecurities , breaths labored and heavy from the inadequacy brewing within her belly . Even if she's no different from most people , Eleven still finds the aversion a little sad ; while she didn't expect to compare to the few Coquelic does associate with , there is a small , naive part of her that had some hope of friendship ...

Lost in own worries , she almost doesn't catch Coquelic's sigh prefacing her sincerity ; enough to fill Eleven with some hope , she visibly perks up to listen . Though the entirety of sentiment doesn't soften the initial wound inflicted upon pride , it's enough of an explanation she appreciates .

' Mm ... ' With thoughtful hum , she brings a curled digit to rest against her lip in contemplation . ' Well , I still don't really understand why I have this power ... They've done what they can to explain it , but it's not like it's anything I really wanted ... ' She clicks her tongue , correcting herself .

' I guess that's true for everyone , though , isn't it ? I think ... there's power in kindness , too . That's all I really wanted to offer , anyway . I just got lost in everything else . '

Eleven's curiosity sparks , a flutter of excitement hoping this may be their chance to connect . ' How did it happen for you ? '

' you ... don't like me very much, do you? ' ⸺ from ELEVEN ! / @call3am

200 dialogue prompts

❁ | ❝ DON'T FEEL TOO BAD FOR IT. ❞ the wry curve of her lips could almost be called half of a smile. ❝ i don't like most people very much. ❞

the pause that follows is a little awkward, as if the quiet were expecting some sort of follow-up or qualification of her facetiousness. coquelic's eyes drift briefly to the side before blinking back to the other woman.

❝ fine, fine. ❞ she sighs, relenting to something invisible. ❝ i actually don't have a problem with you, not personally. you just don't make sense to me — your power as a sinner is actually pretty impressive, yet you're so ... doe-like. you don't compute to me, radio-girl. ❞

[call3am]

why is breaking the habit of double spacing so hard. it's so tedious and yet my brain just auto pilots it

[call3am]

working on my school assignments. only thinking about ptn and umamusume. how am i supposed to think about SQL in these conditions......

[call3am]

looks at u like this

looks back at u like this......

[call3am]

Should her heart beat any harder , it will surely burst .

Perhaps this moment has been extensively delayed , an unspoken longing — no , craving for the warmth the other could bring . It has grown ravenous in nature , a hunger for the light of love both deemed themselves unworthy of .

Though she lives underneath the sunlight Angell is wont to avoid , Eleven has struggled finding a star of her own to hold . The connection , the adoration felt for her listeners can only run so deep before it threatens to become unhealthy : a dependency for her , parasocial for them . It's felt a bit lonely , more than she would care to admit . It's selfish , isn't it ? To want more , to feel this void within her heart despite the blessings she has received throughout her life ? And how self righteous to believe herself worthy , believe herself capable of being that radiance Angell dreams of ?

She cannot pretend to be a savior , cannot promise to bring Angell out of the dark she's grown so accustomed to . But ... she'd like to try . Despite knowing it is selfish , knowing it may be self righteous , Eleven struggles to suppress her own greed .

No matter what may come of it ... she will carry no regrets . Should her emotions be rejected , the love will still remain . Friend , lover , whatever in between ... nothing will change . Eleven hopes the touch she offers — gentle , yet never fleeting — will make this apparent . A curled digit is brought to wipe at tears threatening to fall , ensuring they may never dare stain Angell's cheeks .

' Don't apologize . To be honest ... I've wondered about this for a while . ' Tone softens , sheepish demeanor settling deep into chest & setting her cheeks aflame . ' I thought I was being selfish , maybe ... or just too hopeful . I didn't think you could feel the same , so I tried to ... '

Words are interrupted by a chuckle , head shaking ; bewildered by her own naivete . ' Hide it . But ... are you sure ? About me , I mean ... what if I don't end up like you thought ? What if ... '

What if I'm not what you want ?

→    tender moments, a fixation on you    ...    with  @call3am. ♡

        Eleven,  her dearest    &.    closest friend,  Eleven, a woman that stuck by, that lent a hand at any time of need,  Eleven,  the apple of a Sinner's eye  -  one who so easily  CAPTURES  the affection of many far    &.    wide.  ELEVEN,  the woman who  tangled  herself into the feline lover's own heart  -  tugging at heart strings with every spoken word, every batting eyelid,  every smile.  Angell, tearing her wings off  -  doomed to be alone, by her own volition  -  giving them to someone  much more  deserving of such a play on a name. Eleven, the  TRUE  Angel. Someone who became her very saving grace she'd  so longed  for    ...    coming so close to having everything she wanted.  HAPPINESS.  To be fulfilled. This want, this need, bringing about an intense  FEAR,  the fear of abandonment    &.    loss. The fear of  co-dependency  on such fleeting emotions    ...    Angell holds herself back, a stronger feat than any  shackle  could achieve.    &.    yet? This closeness on beloved's end?  Her heart aches.  This burning sensation  CLAWING  its way to the surface  -  skin tearing itself apart, the  unbearable  feeling of wanting to connect with this woman continues to push    &.    pull her very being into this never ending void.

        &.    yet? Her own anxiousness    &.    overthinking cause such a  rift  betwixt pair. Each side, again, pulling from one another. A crimson gloved hand came to rest itself against her own thigh  -  demonic, pale eyes drifting away from the beauty of her  savior,  once more. Even small glances hurt now. Such sadness filled her chest, causing skin to grow cold    ...    light flush of the cheeks appear, embarrassment, as Angell is one to  commonly  never show much emotion on the surface. Brows crease, fighting back the prickling of liquid pooling at the corner's of tear ducts    ...

        "  I    ...    I'm sorry. I    ...    want this.  I want this feeling to last  -  with you.  I want to  BE  with you.  But,  my own    ...     stubbornness beseeches me. I'm sorry, 'Leven.  "        Fists balled, very clealy torturing one's soul  -  forcing herself to remain  LONELY.  To detach herself from these intense emotions, escaping back into that  black box  of nothingness. However, their eyes quickly met, ear twitching as the talk show host continued speaking    ...    mentioning her own  WANTS    &.    NEEDS.  It brought on a wave of relief, as Angell tended to overthink in these regards. With hands relaxing, they moved to  gently  take Eleven's own. Thumb rubbing over an exposed palm, gaze drifting to porcelain skin    &.    feature  softening.

        "  You    ...    Really want this? Even though I'm so  closed off,  even though I'm always gone? I can't ensure my return would ever come back on my hits. I don't want to make false promises  -  no matter how good I am at my job.  "        Angell continues, she can't help but let out a breathy laughter. Slit pupils brought themselves back, to meet with such  piercing  red. The color is so comforting  -  FAMILIAR. Safe.        "  I want to live.  TRULY LIVE.  For you.  With you.  "

[call3am]

okay damn this took a turn

guys im working on queue again and i cant stop thinking about umamusume. should i write gold ship, super creek, or maruzensky.

[call3am]

i spent too long making eleven wallpapers in wallpaper engine. i regret nothing. look at her......

[call3am]

finished chapter 13 finally. curls in a ball....

[call3am]

what are you seeking ?

ACCEPTANCE. "i look in the mirror and don't recognize the face staring back." // oh, little songbird, when did you stop singing? why do you let yourself fade into the background, so sure you're not worth seeing? who convinced you that you are nothing but empty air? for as long as you can remember, you've screamed at the sky to be noticed, to be seen, but that never quite worked, did it? so you accepted your role. you learned to bite your tongue, to watch, to fade away. it's easier that way, isn't it? better quiet than ignored. at least this way, you have some control over the situation. but it stings, doesn't it? the more you quiet yourself, the more you force yourself to fade away, the harder it is to reach you. you're losing yourself…and that terrifies you, doesn't it? what you seek is acceptance, to be seen and loved and listened to. and, little ghost, you deserve it. you are worth knowing. i see you. now let others do the same. step into the sunlight and sing, little one. i believe in you.

tagged by : @iedolon THANK U HEHE tagging : @sinaeter , @glaev , @obscurd , @s-099 , @rueain , @trlblzd & steal from meeee <3

[call3am]

stop crying and calm down .

making demands .

Easier said than done , isn't it ? Eleven's breaths , shaky & labored , exhaust her body completely ; with every exhale , her form trembles more , sobs only growing ever louder .

You hate people seeing you like this . Weak , pathetic , so incapable of keeping it together . With a command barked , you become painfully aware of your fragility , disgusted with the vulnerability you burden her with . & this disgust causes you to stir at last , catch your breath and wipe your eyes . All the while , you avoid her gaze — bite your cheek and hold your tongue 'fore what little temper you have gets the better of you .

' ... Sorry . ' A final breath grounds Eleven , allowing her to gain the strength to allow their eyes meet . ' I , um ... didn't mean to let that out . '

[call3am]

for once in my life, i feel safe.

feeling safe .

Her cell may offer little reprieve from the MBCC's restrictive walls , but Eleven hopes it will be enough . Chief has , of course , been incredibly kind to Hella and Hecate , treating them much like family , but that kindness cannot ease the pain and loneliness of a young girl struggling to find her footing . Worse , her growth for many years prior has been sullied — never granted a moment to taste freedom as Eleven once did .

Scooting her figure closer to the edge of messy bed , Eleven taps the pillow next to her — inviting Hella to rest . When the younger girl clearly shows embarrassment , huffing & pouting in protest of being treated like a child , Eleven opts to stand up and step away from the mattress , offering personal space .

' If you want ... I can leave you here for a bit ? I trust you to respect my things enough , or ... if you're comfortable , I don't mind just talking together . Whatever you prefer . ~ '