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Hear how the hookup culture can leave students experiencing the very hurt they caused others.

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Third-year University of Cincinnati students Emma Faehnle and Sam Niederhelman used to hookup, and when it ended, it wasn’t pretty. Contrary to most post-hookup-culture couples, they’re friends now.

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After a rocky few months of awkward post-hookup relations, third-year University of Cincinnati students Emma Faehnle and Sam Niederhelman put their past behind them and grab coffee as friends

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As a veteran of the hookup culture, third-year middle-education University of Cincinnati student Emma Faehnle knows all too well the negative side effects of exchanging casual sexual encounters with strangers.

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The hookup culture serves as a catch-all label that students use to define their exchange of a wide range of casual sexual encounters, said Remy Barnett, program coordinator for the University of Cincinnati Title IX Office.

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As society pressures women to focus on their careers and be slow to settle down with a significant other, heterosexual women are shamed for finding pleasure in casual sexual intimacy with others, said University of Cincinnati Women’s Center Director Angie Fitzpatrick.

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Of the 799 University of Cincinnati students to take the university’s 2013 National College Health Assessment, 59 percent reported to have had none or only one sexual partner within 12 months prior to taking the survey.

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University of Cincinnati students perceive the hookup culture to be more prevalent than it actually is among students, said UC Wellness Center Interim Director Erica Forrest.

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Hookup Culture: What goes around comes around, but this time, not as often as students think

After a month of waning anticipation and occasional social media stalking, it finally happened. He kissed her.

By her second year at the University of Cincinnati she swore she knew the difference between a casual sexual hookup and authentic attraction. She didn’t kiss one — sometimes even two — boys a night nearly every weekend of her freshman year for nothing. She learned her lesson: She was too mature to partake in meaningless sexual encounters with strangers.

But he seemed different.

“He struck up a conversation with me and wanted to know about me and not just [have] some random hookup — or so I thought,” said third-year middle-education student Emma Faehnle.

College students call this constant and sometimes complicated trade of sexual intimacy the hookup culture.

Although it doesn’t discriminate by age, gender, ethnicity or sexual orientation, not every UC student participates in the hookup culture. UC Student Wellness Center Interim Director Erica Forrest argues that fewer UC students actually participate in the hookup culture than they perceive, according to the university’s 2013 National College Health Assessment.

“They come in thinking that college is what they’ve seen in the movies … they have to find out for themselves that that’s not necessarily what their peers are doing,” Forrest said.

Of the 799 UC students who completed the survey, only 18.4 percent reported to have had oral, vaginal or anal sex with four or more sexual partners within 12 months prior to taking the survey. Those indicating they had either none or just one sexual partner comprised 59 percent of students, and the remaining 22.5 percent said they had either two or three sexual partners.

The survey, however, doesn’t specify students who participated in sexual encounters outside the realm of oral, vaginal and anal sex — such as kissing.

“Hookup culture is a pretty nebulous concept in some ways,” said Remy Barnett, program coordinator for UC Title IX Office. “It’s sort of a catch-all label that we use for a lot of different dynamics.”

From a kiss to sex to everything in between, the definition of a hookup varies from student to student.

“With [the hookup culture] being so broad, it’s kind of hard to know where you stand with people,” said third-year UC operations management student Sam Niederhelman. “Two people could be hooking up, but they’re on completely different pages as to what they are.”

Niederhelman knows because it happened to him — more than once. The first time involved Emma.  

Meet Sam and Emma

The two met at a party in January just a few weekends into the spring semester of their second year at UC. Charmed from the start, she pegged him the ideal guy. He found her attractive and funny. They hit it off and flirted the night away. But to her surprise, nothing happened until they ran into each other a second time at a party about a month later. After another night of conversation fueled by flirting, they kissed for the first time and then continued to at a handful of parties the following weekends.  

A month into their cyclic weekend-hookup routine, he asked her to go on a date over Snapchat, thus initiating a series of dates and continuous text messaging. To her, it was magical. They would enjoy food-filled evenings of dinner and ice cream and bond over their mutual appreciation for sarcastic banter. Things were going well — or so she thought.

“I thought it was the best dates I had ever been on,” Faehnle said. “So I figured, you know, he’s really into it.”

In May, she learned otherwise. It was the night of her 20th birthday party when he told her he wasn’t looking for a relationship, especially not with a person who would live three hours north of Cincinnati for the summer. She was furious, and he seemed completely fine.

“I was just furious at myself, at him, at everything,” she said. “I didn’t want to see him again.”

It took spending a summer of minimal contact with Sam and experiencing a healthier relationship with her current boyfriend Jon for Emma to realize what she and Sam had only weakened her well being.

“It was not a healthy thing. He was just in it for the hookup, but half the time he wasn’t even interested in that,” she said. “It ended up being a dating hookup. We went on dates, but there was no commitment anywhere. We were essentially friends with benefits that hung out and bought each other dinner.”

The feelings of insecurity and self-doubt that came with the unstable relationship didn’t help either as she tackled her most stressful semester, which entailed switching majors and living in a drama-filled household.

“He called all the shots. So if he didn’t want to talk to me, then he didn’t have to talk to me and I would beat myself up about it,” Faehnle said. “His support is what I wanted and what I craved, but … it didn’t do me any good in the long run because he wasn’t actually supporting me. He didn’t even care really.

“It was just a casual thing that wasn’t going to go anywhere, but I didn’t see it like that. That was one thing I learned — that I wanted a relationship; I was ready for it.”

Although Sam said he wasn’t ready for a relationship with Emma, he pursued one throughout the summer until his new interest, a student named Maddie who had just finished her first year at UC, relayed the same message he had given Emma just a few months prior: She was only in it for the casual hookups.

“I thought it was going a lot better than apparently [Maddie] did. I thought we were going to, you know, date,” Niederhelman said. “We weren’t on the same page at all … it became clear that it wasn’t going to go anywhere.”

The clearer Maddie’s standoffish attitude made it that Sam was more emotionally invested than she, the better he realized the harsh reality of his relationship with Emma.

“Once the roles are reversed and you’re wearing the other shoe, that’s when you kind of realize, you know, what you were doing. I was very misleading … and that became very clear when it was done to me,” he said. “I was keeping enough distance [with Emma] where if something … else came along then … I could pursue that.”

Maddie’s decision to call it off served as a wake up call to Sam, forcing him to realize that it’s not OK to string someone along, especially when those involved haven’t defined the relationship.

“ ‘It’s whatever. It’s college.’ That was my excuse. I’ve learned now that it’s not a valid excuse,” Niederhelman said. “Sometimes you gotta, you know, learn the hard way.”

It became obvious to Sam that the lack of a labels and healthy communication associated with the hookup culture creates confusion. Although he said it wasn’t his intention to mislead Emma, he acknowledged he used the hookup culture as an excuse to not put a label on his relationship with her.

“It’s almost like a game. [It’s] not like you’re trying to play anyone, but it’s fast paced. If you don’t put a label on something or set boundaries, it’s bound to change within a short amount of time,” Niederhelman said. “[College students] don’t take anything seriously, and if you are looking for a relationship … you’re playing the wrong sport.”

But that’s just a part of the college experience — an experience he said his friends in committed relationships are missing — so he’ll keep his head in the game.

Playing in a thrown game

The hookup culture is a game and heterosexual male students are given the upper hand.

“If a girl goes around and sleeps with a bunch of guys, she’s seen as loose, a slut or something like that. But, if a guy does it, it’s what’s expected,” Niederhelman said.

UC Women’s Center Director Angie Fitzpatrick said the hookup culture is a Catch-22 for heterosexual female students. While modern society places pressure on women to focus on building careers instead of settling down and starting families, society shames straight women for having multiple sexual relations that don’t result in marital bonds.

“Not only are young women getting messages from maybe their parents, the media, religious leaders … they’re also getting messages from their peers that on the one hand they’re supposed to, ‘Go and get it girl!’ You know, do whatever you can, but on the other hand, they’re not supposed to indulge in any kind of sexual pleasure or sexual relationship without strings,” Fitzpatrick said.

Of course, the hookup culture comprises more participants than just heterosexual female and male students. Though hookups different than one between two heterosexual students may not be as identifiable, all sexual orientations and gender identities are affected by the hookup culture and its associated stigmas.

“Particularly for a lot of women who are having sex with men or men who are having sex with men, we don’t really look at that as a healthy behavior,” Barnett said. “That’s not automatically unhealthy, it’s just not in line with the expectations [society] has with those kind of people in particular.”

The same goes for masculine-presenting lesbians and straight men who actively participate in the hookup culture. They’re seen as studs and players, Barnett said.

Whether the hookup culture shines shame or glory on students, Niederhelman says it has the power to manipulate how people perceive themselves and others.

“You don’t think of yourself as a villain until it’s done to you,” Niederhelman said. “I think [the hookup culture] definitely kind of turns people into someone they’re not.”

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Learn how to shotgun a beer from a licensed shotgun enthusiast, Jon Balcerzak. This video is not to be referenced if you are under the legal age to consume alcohol or for drinking irresponsibly.

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Learn how to tie tennis shoes from experienced shoe tier Sarah Mudd. As Randolph, Ohio's 2000 St. Joseph Elementary School Shoe-tying Queen, she knows what she's talking about!

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Cincinnati native and artist Dan Rissel, 67, prefers pastels to paint when he draws portraits. Rissel showcased his talent at the 2015 Clifton Fest Saturday, September 26 and Sunday, September 27.

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Dan Rissel, 67, draws a portrait of University of Cincinnati 2015 graduate Sam Appiagyei at the fourth annual Clifton Fest on Ludlow Avenue Saturday, September 26, 2015. 

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University of Cincinnati 2015 pharmacy graduate Sam Appiagyei sits for about an hour while local artist Dan Rissel draws his portrait at the 2015 Clifton Fest Saturday, September 26.

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Cincinnati native Dan Rissel sets up shop on Ludlow Avenue for the fourth annual Clifton Fest to sell pastel portraits Saturday, September 26, 2015.

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Local artists uses art as therapy

Clifton residents who attended the fourth annual Clifton Fest on Ludlow Avenue Saturday and Sunday may have noticed one local artist bringing his art to life with every stroke of his vibrant pastels. Dan Rissel (RIS-EL) says he comes to the annual arts and music festival every year. And, each year his portraits attract a multitude of customers. Although, how the 67-year-old Cincinnati native came to be an artist takes most customers by surprise. After spending time in jail and a mental institution, Rissel uses art as a form of therapy. And, even though he claims to be an alcoholic, he says art never fails to make him smile when alcohol cannot. From Cincinnati to New Orleans to New York City, Rissel has shared his talent with many people. But, the residents of Clifton return to the festival each year to express how happy they are to have Rissel and his talent in town.

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Jenco Brothers’ Candy Co-owner Chris Jenco practices photography in his spare time and sells still images displayed in the candy store. Above him remain two plastic hooks where sold prints used to hang.

*Bonus Image