callm3c

[callm3c]

Nikos Kazantzakis, from a letter featured in The Selected Letters of Nikos Kazantzakis

[callm3c]

[callm3c]

[callm3c]

[callm3c]

Title: I Tried to Die, But Death Didn’t Want Me

Mood: Hollow, shaken, surviving

Trash Fire Intensity: 10/10 — flaming dumpster launched into a fireworks warehouse

Affirmation: I didn’t die. That means there’s still time to live differently.

I tried to die.

Not in a poetic way. Not in a candle-lit bathtub or a staged cry for help.

I tried to disappear — for real. I made a choice in the silence, in the shadows, in the aching throb of too much.

I swallowed the pills. I started the engine. I shut the garage door.

I let the air thicken and I waited.

Not because I didn’t love anyone.

Not because I didn’t want to live — but because I didn’t know how to anymore.

Because the pain was loud, and my strength was whispering.

Because hope felt like a joke and exhaustion felt like truth.

Because sometimes it just feels easier to stop breathing than to keep pretending you’re okay.

But death…

Death didn’t take me.

I woke up. Angry, maybe. Embarrassed, definitely.

Tired beyond explanation. And so damn confused.

Because if I didn’t die… now what?

I’m here in the wreckage — of my body, my thoughts, my front door —

With people calling it a “crisis” and protocols pretending to be compassion.

They broke my door, but they didn’t fix anything.

They called it “help,” but it didn’t feel like help.

It felt like being exposed, punished, labeled, contained.

And still — I’m here.

Somehow, I’m still here.

Not healed. Not better. Just… breathing.

And maybe, just maybe, that breath means something.

Maybe surviving that moment doesn’t make me weak, dramatic, or broken —

Maybe it makes me a goddamn warrior. One who stood in the darkness and didn’t let it win.

Or maybe I did let it win for a second — but then I came back.

So I’m writing this not for closure, because I’m still cracked wide open.

I’m writing this because this page is a place where I don’t have to lie.

Where “I tried to die” doesn’t get me a police escort — it gets me space to exhale.

Tomorrow might suck. So might next week.

But I’ve got one truth right now:

I’m still here.

And for today, that’s enough.

#ImStillHere #SurvivorJournal #MentalHealthRaw #SuicideSurvival #HeavyButTrue #TrashPandaThoughts #JournalOfTheDamned #HealingInPieces #DarknessDidntWin #RealTalkRecovery

[callm3c]

“When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”

— Louis C.K.

[callm3c]

i’m too good to be somebody’s secret or 2nd option ..

[callm3c]

“How beautiful to find a heart that loves you, without asking you for anything but to be okay.”

— Khalil Gibran

[callm3c]

[callm3c]

How can you trust me bro

I don't even trust myself

[callm3c]

How can you trust me bro

I don't even trust myself

[callm3c]

[callm3c]

@lisa.croft25

[callm3c]

[callm3c]

[callm3c]

[callm3c]