callmesteve
the life of a body is a nightmare
stevie | 18 | he/him | do i want anything? no. material girls dni.
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thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.
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me: I have GOT to get weirder!
also me when I do get weirder: *visibly shaking* I'm going to be killed with hammers by everyone for being a freak.
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#start day refreshed#sweaty gross all night#wakes u up#blissfully answering emails when i'm drying off#world ending to not take one in the morning#reblob for the blob
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so apparently the “bad vibes” I’ve been feeling are actually “severe psychological distress”
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anybody else going through life feeling like a dog that wasn't socialized enough as a puppy
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man
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ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man
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