camjinet

[camjinet]

200921 | #convenience-store

( image cover. ) — location: town of glachester / convenience store.

AT: when she'd originally messaged him, she hadn't been that close after all. as much as she's gotten used to sleeping in as late as he does, schedule mimicking his own these days, her day still ends before his. a patrol not as broad or detailed as his likely is. she swears he makes his rounds three times if he can and, while it could be considered excessive, it suits him; how protective he is, how cautious he can be, how he wants others to feel safe. the scent she'd told him she caught wind of was from the hoodie she put on before heading out towards town, another one stolen away from his closet without a semblance of shame. 

 just the notion of wearing his clothes and the scent of lavender wrapping around her makes sweet vanilla strong, allows it to linger on soft fabric too. the sleeve covers most of her hand as she scrolls through her phone, fingertips growing cold with the exposure to the night air. only when his scent grows stronger, light footsteps drawing her attention, does she look up, grinning once she sees him and quick strides close the distance between them. worn cotton brushes against his neck as she wraps her arms around him, leaning up to peck his lips. "hiya, boyfriend. miss me yet?"

CM:  There is immediate confusion when he lowers his phone. Without a hint of modesty, he’d say he has the best smelling sense out of most of the pack. He wouldn’t dare argue with his alphas. So when Athena tells him she smells him first, there’s more skepticism than he’d like. As the minutes tick by, and he’s closer to town than he is to the dead zone, he has an inkling feeling that he’s in for a bit of a wait. Cameron doesn’t mind, of course. He’s done so much of it in the past that this is nothing. Athena is worth that weight of time in more value than gemstones and jewelry would allow. Speaking of which, he pulls his blue amazonite bracelet from his pocket and puts it on; adorning his wrist with a familiar calm. 

 Cameron’s close enough to the convenience store to hear a video playing inside, and someone dropping a shallow box of a snack. More importantly, however, is Athena’s presence. “Hi, girlfriend.” He grins, the happiness fully reaching the sparkle in his eyes, as he gathers her into a tight hug. “Miss you? Only all the time.” He rubs her back, leaving a few strokes to be desired. “What sort of break are we thinking here? Sweet? Sour? Both?” There’s no denying that he’d eat just about anything, but he does have his preferences. “How are you doing? How’s your night going?”

[camjinet]

200803 | #white-roses-archway

( image cover. ) — location: fairy king forest / spring.

AT: with a white rose in her hair, plucked only because it seemed to be falling free from where it'd been, it truly doesn't take long for her to guide him backwards against the archway. smiling at him, she leans into him under the guise of innocence despite her actions, how her hands glide over his chest, fingers curling into the collar of his shirt to tug his head down— and blame it on the height difference, of course— so she can kiss him, gently calling his name and nipping at his lower lip. her expression is more solemn when she abruptly stops, arms slipping around his neck while she tilts her head. "can i ask you something?"

CM: Walking down a path so pretty, so fantasy-like, makes him feel like he’s looking at the world in rose-tinted glasses for once. There’s something strange to this place, perhaps due to its sense of unknown. Athena, on the other hand, seems to feel quite at home. However, the semblance of change, whether in appearance or speech, keeps him on his toes. He tries not to react so deeply to the kiss, depending on how safe the location is to do so, except he keeps his hand around her waist, bringing her closer for a prolonged kiss. Once departing, he tilts his head and loosens his grip. “By all means. What’s on your mind?”

AT: she's yet to explore the entirety of the forest. once, she considered doing so alone but, now, she sees the merit in going with someone else and enjoying it with someone else. that wish is why she hesitates. consent granted but the question isn't asked right away. because she could easily give into how he brought her closer instead, go back to kissing him and let the moment just be. instead, she finds herself playing with the ends of his hair, studying the features of his face from this angle as if she's forgotten yet there's some nights she can't help tracing over them with restless fingertips. when her gaze reaches his lips, she lingers there, wonders vaguely whether asking means she won't kiss him again, if it'd be too awkward or forced. but all the nights she's spent in his room, slept in his bed, even woke up to him more often as of late, they mean something, right? fingers lacing again, pressing against the nape of his neck, she looks up to meet grey hues. "what are we doing?" though she hopes it wouldn't need to be said, she clarifies anyway, knowing she'll actually grow shy for once if he directly asks her to explain first. "you and me. what are we?"

CM: The truth is, the moment Athena guided him all the way out here, he was prepared to be on guard the whole time. The sense that there could be one threat or another in their journey of discovery. But now that he's seen the place, he's been wondering whether it's for more favorable reasons instead. Then she asks that, a question so vague if not for the setting itself to stand in its premise, and he guesses why she asks. These past few months have definitely been different, and particularly to his own routines, but he argues it was all changed for the better. Athena has, in all the best possible ways he can think of, breathed life back into him. He won't put it all on her, of course, he can't depend on her to 'fix' him, but she did bring out a good side of him, he'd say. What he ends up saying, however, certainly wouldn't pass his regular standards of speech. "Dating. Lovers? It isn't proper, is it, to keep you guessing." He visibly sighs, lowering his shoulders and whatever tension is left in them. The smile on his lips go from something more confident to a little shy, sheepish perhaps, as he tries not to hold her like she's about to run away. "Athena, would you like to officially be my girlfriend?"

AT: restlessness overwhelms her the moment she asks, fingers inching towards the ends of his hair as she tries not to shift on her feet. one more sentence, an attempt to convince him she was joking and she could just run off like that. it's easy to write off, isn't it? eliminate any chance of finding out that this isn't much to him, that they're just killing time together. still, she ends up waiting with bated breath, curiosity ultimately claiming victory, especially when he says dating with more firmness than lovers. it's not too surprising, she could pretend it's not, because it's for that reason that she prefers when he does call them dates, when he asks her more definitively and goes along with her teasing. but when he claims it isn't proper to keep her guessing, her nerves melt away bit by bit, chuckling at how formal he can be at times, how cute that sounds coming from him. it's the notion that he wants to treat her properly and ease her thoughts that charm her the most.

oh— actually, it might be this smile that gets first place, how sweet the words sound coming from him and she's in a daze, suddenly questioning if this is real. he's so direct that she knows it can't be. even in her dreams, he dances around this topic. she does too. without more warning than a 'catch me' when she pulls his hand to bring him away from the arch, she jumps into his arms, limbs wrapping around him with ease as she kisses him. only pausing to catch her breath, she rests her forehead against his. "in case you can't tell, that's a yes." leaning away, she sweeps the hair away from his face, hand lowering til she can brush her thumb gently over his lips. "but i do think my boyfriend should also say he likes me. i want to hear that too."

CM: The more confident, self-assured part of him claims that Athena feels the same, that she'll say yes — albeit with some teasing, he supposes. If circumstances were different, where Athena didn't have to run and hide and keep hiding, and both their pasts weren't plaguing their minds every time the wind blows the wrong way, he could see this being easier. Their relationship would have delved deeper long ago, and perhaps he wouldn't have the other part of him — the anxiety-ridden part — that expects her solid no. The thought has nested in the back of his mind for some time now. She's only yours when you're together, he thinks. Who knows how she really feels otherwise. 

Cameron catches her easily, as if his autopilot system had made an exception for Athena. He swallows then, his brows riding high into his lavender bangs. The surprise gradually lessens with her clarification, and his sigh of relief closes his eyes momentarily. He's quick to see her again, surprised at the use of 'boyfriend', but then again, he'd been surprised to use 'girlfriend' himself, and so easily. "I like you, Athena." Each word comes out a tad slower, testing the waters. And before more teasing continues, he plants a ghost of a kiss to her lips, readjusts his hold on her and continues down the path of roses. "Got a place in mind, love?"

AT: she has half a mind to ask him to say it again. whether with more enthusiasm or affection, athena can't decide. it'd all be for her own greed anyway, wanting to hear it more and more, a confirmation that he does like her and it's not simply because she's around, not just that she seeks him out so often because of her own feelings for him. the kiss is light, too faint for her liking so he cups his cheeks, ignores how it makes him have to fix his hold on her anytime she moves too much, so she can press rosy lips to his, satisfied with the way her tint lingers on his. but she quickly matches it too, face flush at being called 'love' because she once considered that a weakness. a way to be owned, controlled, kept instead of free. 

when she left her birth pack, she realized how often her and her mother must've been seen as possessions. love taken and given because of pack order and a bite. but boyfriend is a choice compared to the way beomseok wanted to mate. it's just that the last time, she'd been hurt. this time around, maybe cam can redeem that for her too. he'd already done so when it comes to her initial discomfort around betas or alphas. "depends on what you want to do next," she jokes, fingers trailing along his neck til she's got them laced behind his nape. "you're not avoiding talking about what being boyfriend and girlfriend means for us, are you?"

CM: Cameron smiles into the kiss, not unlike other times before. But this time, it feels more solidified and whole. It doesn't feel like he's chasing a temporary high. This is the high, and he's not planning on coming down from it. If anyone had gone and told him he'd have a girlfriend by choice as recent as five years ago, he'd be ready to punch them in the throat for lying through their teeth. But boy, did the fates have it out for him. Now he just hopes he doesn't mess it up. And as if Athena really has read his mind now — he thought that only comes with a mating bite? — she's asking him to clarify what that all means. "I was under the impression that being one's significant other was rather telling all on its own." His first reactions really need work, he thinks. Cameron looks between her and the path as he speaks again. "If dating is the 'testing the waters' stage, then significant other — otherwise used interchangeably with 'partner' — would mean that I... want to be with you." He pauses, now somewhat nervous to look at her with the next thing he says. He wouldn't want to leave her without options, opting to say it in as open a manner as possible. "Hopefully with just us?" Wolves are tricky creatures, after all, and he'd like to assure they're on the same page with that part.

AT: diving into other terms, ones that carry more weight to her, especially a partner, is hard to ignore. wanting to tame her reaction and actually succeeding in doing so are completely seperate things as she stares at him. her fingers still and her jaw falls slack ever-so-slightly. there's an upward twitch of her brow that even her hair doesn't conceal and she realizes that, with his formality at times, comes a perspective more tradtitional than she expects, a seriousness she doesn't usually tie to the both of them together. then again, the last few months held more than she'd let most of their fellow pack members find out about her past. fleeting moments or flicking glimpses are what she affords with ease. the way she's let him in, how she feels safe with him, wants to experience things with him instead of on her own— what he deems dating has been more to her. more reasons to be so infatuated with him, to rely on him, to want him as part of her life. the usually confident cam, the one that was reliant on distractions as much as she was, asking her for consent, acknowledging her choice, equality, is cuter than she expects and she kisses the tip of his nose, arms and legs tightening around him with as much insistence as there is in her tone. "i wasn't planning on sharing you." tilting her head, she exhales, the small laugh she lets out nearly breathless. "that was so serious though." a pout pulling at the corners of her lips, she crinkles her nose as a hand trails down to pat his chest. "i was thinking more along the lines of whether or not this means i get a drawer in your room now."

CM: He feels her gaze on him. He’s unsure whether to decide on its net positive or gross negative. Perhaps he should be throwing away the idea that she only likes him when they’re together. The situation itself doesn’t necessarily build a case against the speculation, however, the agreement is more than notable, it’s basically a homerun, is it not? A clear sign. In its simplicity, it all wanes on him. With what Athena says next confirms that silly concern welling up inside of him. Cameron can’t help but chuckle in response, a deep reverberating breath that accompanies his relief. “Good. You’re all mine.” He spares some courage for a glance, only to fall into a grinning fit. Isn’t she the loveliest thing? Then the laugh that follows? Surely, he’s a goner. 

Cameron laughs again at what she says, but it’s a bit more on the embarrassment spectrum. “That was, wasn’t it?” He thinks back to the months she’s already been staying, and all the months ahead. He’s so fixated on rules and regulations, even some ghost-rules pertaining to his own bedroom. But they’ve never really been known by others. “You can take the drawer closer to the window. There’s plenty of room in the closet for you, too.” He hums, the crackling of leaves he would expect no where to be found. It’s all rose petals and fresh, green leaves. “Would you also mind telling me what exactly this place is?”

AT: "oh—" the pout is so short-lived when he says that and her lips curl upwards twice as fast, delight glimmering in her eyes as she leans in even closer, hand trailing back up to cup his cheek again. "i think i like hearing that more than 'i like you.' you should say that a lot, okay?" chuckling, her grin only grows at the seemingly bashful tone of his laugh. "it was but . . . it's pretty cute. you must really like me, huh?" she asks teasingly with a quirk of her brow. what was once wishful thinking seems to be the truth now, especially when he's quick to offer space in his room. she'd already taken up part of his room of her own accord but minding her boundaries, only really 'invading' his personal space when it comes to sleeping in his bed, in his arms. 

"window view and all, such a generous boyfriend i have." fingertips lightly tapping his cheek, brow lifted, she looks around when he asks, still smiling when she turns back to face him. "i don't really know but isn't it pretty here? a few months ago, i'm pretty sure there was a fae in the house or it had to be something like one . . . so i've been coming out here every once in a while to find out more. it's more fun going with someone else though." safer too, but she doesn't need to remind him of that. he worries enough on his own.

[camjinet]

200730 | #southcastle-cliff

( image cover. ) — location: beyond seraph territory.

( BACKDATED: SOMETIME IN JUNE, AFTER ATHENA'S RETURN!! )

AT: it didn't take her long to go from wondering if he'd join her to holding his hand first, fingers lacing with his and squeezing tighter the more they talked, the more she told him, til now; with her back against his chest, his scent emphasized by yet another hoodie she'd stolen from his room. guess she has a thing for taking one of his hoodies whenever she leaves. her hand still finds his in this position, resting over the arm wrapped around her, glad that leaning against him means he can't see her face as clearly, especially after she's explained the urgency of the mission, how she needed to know if it's safe to stay. even now, she's not entirely sure. "what else do you want to know?"

CM: blue amazonite beads adorn his right wrist, resting loosely on athena's stomach as she speaks. it's pleasant otherwise, he thinks, as he holds their slanted position with his left. the scenery—how the night has a penchant for leaving them blind, yet the rest nature don't find that acceptable. the moonlight itself wouldn't do it, even with his stronger senses. but between the reflection onto the water below and the fireflies that seem to come and go, it's comfortable. what athena ends up telling him, however, isn't. it crawls under his skin and he keeps moving his gaze left and right out of caution. "is it? is it safe to stay?" he can't be sure he'll be able to say it himself, how he'd go beyond a beta's duties to help her—protect her. "i'd like to know what i should look out for, too."

AT: the question is predictable, to be expected, but she doesn't have an answer for him— not one she wants to give anyway. fingertips brush over the bracelet and she thinks nothing of it until she recognizes the shape of the singular shell, warmth rushing over her neck to the point that she sinks her teeth into her lower lip to temper it, somehow stop herself from being distracted by that no matter how much she'd like to. how easy it would be to do that instead of think of the past catching up to her. "i don't know yet," she admits, exasperated exhale and all as she sinks more against him. "it's not their style, the whole private investigator— he was so clumsy and human. all i can think of is that it's a trap but, how, i can't tell and now they might know what you look like and i— i think the echo wolf i mentioned, i think he's safe. but his family? my family, i . . . " she just dislikes saying 'i don't know' so often.

CM: it's annoying. it's frustrating how much he doesn't know. as much as he wants to magically become omniscient, or somewhere close to it, he knows that isn't the way to go. and for the most part, he's routinely allowed others to do as they'd like on their own dime. but this? what would gray say? gray was the one to rescue to athena, find her when she was in search for stability and a safe haven. it took a year, perhaps more, just to trust her. now that he does, now that he's grown to care for her this much—how is he going to bring that back around? but then the thought progresses to: did she ever have it here with seraph? "when was the last time you were in contact with your own family?" he was always a stranger to his own family, so maybe he won't ever understand where athena's coming from—why she still worries about them. but they matter to her. for some reason that echo wolf also matters to her. so, he'll suck it up and do what he has to. "nevermind what they know about me." he still doesn't know how that became related. "what do they know about you?"

AT: truthfully, she can't know how much of her family is left, whether her mother is still with him, anything about them, so thinking of the last time she was in contact with them, saw them, reminds her that she's spent all this time pretending she could bury that all away. the changes she'd made to her appearance, head to toe, even her personality, all to survive, to forget. "the day i left. so . . . close to eight, nine years ago now?" she even left behind the dialect, the satoori only slipping out when she saw changmo. cam says nevermind and she scoffs, shakes her head before sitting up, turning enough to look back at him. "no, i can't just ignore that. they could—" they could use him against her and, as she looks at him now, she knows she'd do whatever if they could successfully endanger him. as invincible as he might seem, she can't rely on that alone. "from what i found at his office, his home, everywhere i could search, they at least know i've been in glachester. anything else, i don't think he followed us."

CM: "That long, huh..." It slips before he can properly filter through it. It's definitely longer than he has seen his own. He raises a brow at what she says next, and he realizes how arrogant it might seem after he does it. "I'm pretty certain I can take care of myself, Athena." He could tell the story of how he left his own pack, how that could've been the end of the line for him. But this is about her and her safety. Perhaps he could tell her another time. "Do you have some descriptors for me? I'll keep a look out. Scent, too. Whatever it is. I just want to keep you safe." Even as he says that, he can't ignore her rank. She'd still be out doing missions every now and then, and he can't keep her company the whole time. He's allowed her that freedom years ago, and like she's said. She hasn't seen her family for almost a decade, which sounds to him that she definitely hasn't been caught at any point.

AT: she shifts, almost uncomfortably so, at his initial reaction, hand near his waist as she holds onto his shirt. if they'd met back then, right after she left her pack, no one in seraph would recognize her. she doubts it anyway, that any of them would believe how she used to be, a past version of herself that no longer exists yet that's a lie. for years, she convinced even herself that she could hide all those details of herself, that slip out unintentionally, like his words might've just now. it's barely noticeable, the slightest movement of her brows, how her eyes narrow for just a second, because she knows he can defend himself. as many of her survival skills she owes to artemis, there's a number of them that she owes to cam too. but it's not easy to tell him that she wants to take care of him for once, that she wants to keep him safe too.

"i can write you a list of the wolves i remember but . . . " it can't account for those that grew up while she's been gone, for new additions. so far, things have worked for her because she keeps moving. joining seraph was risky but as a theta, she's more often out than at home, until he became a reason for her to linger around more often. how does she tell him that? the clear answer seems to be going on more missions, throw off whatever trail there might be, but her own is that she wants to stay. "i feel safe." with a soft exhale, she reaches out to cup his cheek, hand on his shoulder as she leans in with a more chaste kiss than usual. "with you."

CM: Cameron would always tell himself that anger does nothing. Though it is his own, he knows it would only lead to half-assed judgements and a multitude of mistakes. So, even as her quick expressions tell him of something more—something she certainly seems to want to say but decidedly doesn’t—he’s letting his jaw clench uncomfortably so and his nails dig into the dirt. Words don’t even begin to describe the disappointment he feels in being so utterly unaware of this information for all the time she’s been here with them, with him. A theta so good, he thinks, would know how to hide and would know how to keep a secret. As much as it seems like it may be an open secret amongst Athena’s old pack, it certainly seems like she’s been playing a harder role than strictly necessary to get through these years. “I’ll make do with what you can give me.” ’Just like you have.’ And then she says that and no amount of quick-fire blinks or lost thoughts can account for how ridiculously warm he feels from hearing it. His natural body heat seems to build from there, growing hotter as more subtle notes of vanilla and lavender come to the forefront. “I plan to keep it that way.” He whispers along the edges of her lips, capturing her more into it. He never seems to get enough of her.

AT: he could easily press for more. as beta, he technically has all the reasons to, all the right to, but he doesn't and athena considers that notion— one of respect for her boundaries, of concern that doesn't become invasive, of acceptance— as gentle as when he carried her back to see the lotas. it wasn't hard to miss then, the slower pace, softer steps, how he held her, and it isn't hard to miss now, her fingers trailing down to his jaw, willing the tension away. she can tell, the same way he seemed angry then, that he fights his own inner battles the way she does but he hasn't let them hurt her, another reason to feel safe. his scent washes over her and this much she knows isn't the hoodie. no, this, too, is gentler, softer, sweeter even and she smiles into the kiss, happiness winning over any remaining worries or fear. months ago, she struggled with the idea of liking him but she knows it's impossible to deny in this moment. do you plan to keep me too, the question is there but she only smiles when she pulls away, looks into his eyes again. "do you still have to go? could you stay?" truthfully, she doesn't mind being the one to keep him instead.

CM: When they pull away, however bittersweet it feels, there's a moment of calm in her eyes. He imagines that his own are as well despite the concern that clouds his mind. "Do I have to go?" Cameron thinks of his job, both at the garage and the pack, and for now thinks he's too far away for either one. The world itself feels too out of reach right now. He tilts his head, his gaze meeting the harbor below then back to the theta. "And miss this view?" He says while caressing her cheek. A hearty grin quickly creeps onto his lips, riding his cheekbones up and curving his tired eyes into crescents. It takes another moment to press a kiss to her temple, stroking her hair in the process. "Well since I'm staying, would you mind telling me whether I'm getting any of my hoodies back?"

AT: when he repeats the question, she unintentionally crinkles her nose, already expects a no because she's known for quite some time that he has obligations, especially to the pack but even outside of it. so the words, however sweet and maybe even cliche as they are, still send heat rushing to her cheeks and the sheer intensity begs the question of whether or not he can feel it himself. even without it, the flood of sweet vanilla is telling but when he mentions the hoodies, she ends up laughing, eyes brightening with the hope that his scent disguises her own considering and because he seems to think that's a real question. of course not. eyes fluttering shut at the kiss, she leans back into him, shifting more properly into his lap again, head now resting against his chest. "but you have this hoodie right now, i just happen to be in it. isn't that better? i return them with a gift. me."

CM: Part of him thinks that this would be ample opportunity to snap a photo on his phone. The solid, down-to-earth moments where he can't even begin to think of doing anything else. It's a task in and of itself to simply dim his incoming grin. Cameron's far too accustomed to the dark of the night, having his sight heightened, and noticing not only the deepened hues, but the switch into a sweeter scent. And for that moment, he realizes that maybe it was some twist of fate that Athena smells just like his two favorite things. If only these moments weren't as temporary as they have been. Quirking a brow at the theta brings about another question, but it dies in his throat just as easily as it comes — replaced by a chuckle. "You are quite a priceless gift. I have no complaints." He half-hugs her with his free hand, his other continuing to hold their collective weight without much issue. "I suppose I'll have to go shopping again regardless, though, at some point." His gaze falls to the harbor once again, wide awake to accompany the other nocturnal creatures. "Would you like to join me? I'll get you something, too." He adds, whether it's an incentive to spend time with him or just because he wants to get her something she'd like, he doesn't acknowledge it.

AT: "i'm glad you appreciate it," she grins, nestling her head closer to the crook of his neck, arm drawn over his waist as she allows her eyes to close again. how does he do it? feel so comfortable, warm and secure? then again, she thinks she's practically handed him her life. anytime she offered her neck to him in the past, whether it was quite literally letting him wrap his fingers around her throat or a simple tilt of the head, all moments of vulnerability that she hides behind other intentions, lustful motives. but if she didn't trust him, she never would've. if she didn't think so highly of him, she wouldn't have either. as much as she fights it with anyone else, she doesn't deny him power or control, because she trusts him enough to know he wouldn't take advantage. no, in fact, he makes trusting him rather easy. as much as she resisted, as much as she wanted to doubt him for being a beta— more so for actually being an alpha from what she can tell— now it's more difficult to resist giving in. so calling her priceless only makes her want to tell him that she's his if he wants. might be his even if he doesn't. "mm," she hums, fingers tugging lightly at his shirt as she sits up slightly to allow honey hues to meet his own. "depends, would you let me drag you into a dressing room? you know, just to make sure everything fits."

[camjinet]

200721 | sunday morning.

( image cover. ) — location: seraph house / cam’s bedroom.

AT: she thought she was used to it by now, sleeping through what little sunshine reaches them through small cracks in the blinds but perhaps it’s an affinity for golden hour that stirs her from slumber. what’s more surprising is that an attempt to move ends in a breathy moan, hand clutching at his bicep. despite being half-asleep and having fallen asleep this way, she wonders how she didn’t register it at first, that he’s still buried deep inside her and she curses herself for feeling the soreness in her thighs yet her walls pulse around him. arguably, the ‘morning’ means it’s easier for her to pull away but her attempt to only makes her bury her face in his neck, wetting her lips and unintentionally brushing the tip of her tongue over his skin. it’s then that she notes his breathing, questions it, and with a kiss to his neck, just where it meets his shoulder, she murmurs, “don’t pretend to be asleep . . . unless you’re hoping i find a way to wake you up.”

CM: Although sleep still paws at him, the automatic smile that threatens his lips is harder to ignore. He's so used to Athena being long gone by this point—what he considers an appropriate time to wake up. However, their current position is curious. Not only is she still here, but he's still buried inside her. He would've thought he'd slip out naturally sometime in the night, considering it'd really hurt otherwise. The thought would make him snicker if not for the fact she's taken to his neck. Drawing her ever-closer is a instinctual reaction, he supposes. Cameron wants her to stay longer, if ever possible. 

He'd argue that he isn't feigning sleep now as his cock hardens. But she sounds so sweet in the morning. How can he just interrupt that? A low moan escapes him, however, as her lips make a familiar visit. He pushes further into her locks, tickling his face, and distracts him enough to brush her hair back—teeth nipping at her ear. "Be a doll and wake me up." It comes out throaty from first use, despite how liberally he used it hours before.

AT: it’s impossible to ignore how his cock stiffens inside her, breath hitched and her fingernails pressing deeper into his arm. unintentionally, her hips cant forward with a lustful exhale against his shoulder and his moan only makes her want to lean closer. he sounds so good that she questions why she leaves first, why she doesn’t wait for this more often, but, if she did, maybe she’d never want to leave his room. 

hand gliding over his shoulder to cup his cheek, slipping behind his ear to lace into his hair, she lets out a brief sound of content, the teasing of her ear nearly making her whine instead. turning her head slightly to keep her own lips pressed just below his ear, she guides him onto his back with her free hand, moaning and panting softly when she shifts with him. body flush to his, the change in angle of his cock makes her whimper when she grinds into him. only when she starts to circle her hips does she moan his name, lips brushing his ear as she tilts her head up. “like this, baby?”

[camjinet]

200714 | #pops-diner

( image cover. ) — location: town of glachester.

CM: Cameron leaves the tavern as soon as he gets the text. Despite his 'i'm close' message. He didn't want to get ahead of himself and go to the diner as soon as he asked, after all. Athena has her own set of tasks to do and he shouldn't assume she'd want to spend the night out with him anyway. But the agreement lifts his spirits incredibly so. Breakfast for dinner or vice versa doesn't really matter at a diner. It's all 1950s retro that it feels like another form of escape. Like a place he can pretend to have something good for a while longer. The bell to the door rings and no one bats an eyelash. He'd like to see where others are coming from with no surprises, so he makes himself comfortable by the booth that corners opposite the windows. 

AT: the recent weather made patrolling more necessary— fresh rain washed away scents too easily and, the more she held onto the discoveries from her last mission, the more anxious she grew. dew from the grass, still lingering in the shaded areas of the forests, clung to her knee high boots, thin fishnet stockings offering little protection against tall feather reed grass. high waisted shorts offered even less but it was welcoming to be able to patrol again, fresh air paired with diligence is much more her than staying inside the house. but one of the best reasons to be home is clear in the messages she receives, in such an open admittance of this being a date, and she bites her lip even as she looks at the last one, realizing she ought to head to town sooner rather than later. 

her boots are still wet from trekking near the river once she arrives, mindlessly wiping her soles against the doormat as she glances around for cam but he's easier to spot, easier to sense as the scent of leather from him is stronger than the jacket she pulls off as she moves to sit down, resting the jacket on her opposite side and running her fingers through faded violet locks. "you really were close. since you beat me here, was i worth the wait?" 

CM: Keeping his mind busy, a few things are forced to the forefront. Namely, the training session he's been meaning to do and was quite frankly long overdue. When's the last time he saw Seungyeon and Athena train? Has he ever seen Ilya? They all seem to be the types to work well alone, always getting the job done. But as his shoulders relax—almost not noticing that it might be due to the scent of rich coffee beans in the air now—he berates himself for not initiating anything sooner. 

As the scent grows ever-stronger, waiter coming and going with his order of even more coffee, his gaze meets Athena's almost immediately. Only it doesn't last too long as he rakes over her attire. It's definitely been a while since he's seen this kind of clothing on her accompanying wet boots. So he pulled her away from work after all. She's always been so diligent, no matter the task—she's definitely back in her element. "I'd certainly think so. Wouldn't you?" Leaning back against the booth's frame, stiffer than it appears, his attention is fully on her even as the waiter starts walking back. "I thought I'd try to get to know you more outside of—work." He's always so wary to say anything related to the pack, or wolves for that matter, out in public. "And feed you something other than meat for once, perhaps." 

AT: she nearly misses the look-over he gives her and she grins, turns her head away so he doesn't catch that either and it reminds her yet again that he did agree to calling it a date, that he pointedly called it one. now that she's this close to him again, she'd rather hear him say it and she wonders how she could manage that next time, if there is a next time. she hopes there is a next time. "i like hearing you say it," athena teases, gaze flickering briefly towards the waiter when he rounds back and she tries not to chuckle at how cam dances around saying what they are. 

what he says next catches her off-guard and she doesn't miss the way the waiter seems to pause while setting down a glass of water for her. before he can offer a menu and certainly before she can take it, she inches closer to cam, hands gripping his collar to make him lean in, a grin on rosy lips when she tells him, "you wouldn't catch me complaining about that either though." patting his chest before she pulls away, she takes the menu from the waiter, trying not to smirk so immediately at how his cheeks are flushed. undoubtedly, he heard that exchange and she finds no shame in it, already looking over the menu. "it's been a while since i've been here. what are you getting?" with a glance at his cup, she flips the menu over, brows lifting ever-so-slightly. "can't get enough coffee, huh?" 

CM: With a short nod, an agreeable hum escapes him. “And how specific are you looking for?” He certainly won’t deny how often they see each other now. Those spontaneous meetings, never truly knowing when they’d see each other, turned adamantly into very much daily affairs. Yet it still pulls at him how he’ll always learn something about her, whether it’s inherently new or not.

Raising a brow at the sudden change of pace, a chuckle gets stuck in his throat. What a sight to give this poor waiter. ’Oh the things we would do otherwise.’ “Aren’t you quite the delight?” His left hand pats her thigh, as if for added emphasis, yet it stays there; ready to be used at a single stray word. “Has it?” He makes a quick glance to the waiter to both acknowledge them, finally, and to gauge their reaction. Chalk it up to it being a date. ’Nothing you’ve never seen before, right?’ Cameron leans forward the slightest bit to look over the menu with her, already catching the order he wants. “Onion rings, a bacon cheddar burger with fries, and...” Looking over to Athena and her hair change, he recalls the association from months ago. “They have strawberry smoothies, and a strawberry oreo crumble, how about that?” 

Following her line of vision, he does allow himself a chuckle at this. “You could say so. It’s quite addicting.” And it couldn’t be truer. Even with his other vices, alcohol and cigarettes, thrown out of frequency, coffee remains the most important in his diet. 

AT: it's almost too easy to flirt with him, but it must come with the desire to, that it's the closest she can come to telling him how much she likes him without explicitly saying so. but the brief opening to, the way she could casually say it now if she wanted to, play it off as per usual, makes her pause til she falls back into the same habit, of being more than content with pulling him close to tease of how much she's willing to do for him. "you know how much i like compliments, but i just like the way you sound." 

the presence of the waiter and his words are amusing, enough so to make her want to be more daring, more explicit but it becomes hard to focus with the warmth of his hand on her thigh, legs parting with a lift of her heel because every squeeze of her thigh under his touch makes her melt. she spares the waiter a glance this time, a small request for more time to decide, setting the menu down as he lists off what he wants. "sounds good. i think i want the smokehouse then if it's burgers. are we sharing? the strawberry oreo crumble." not that it matters too much to her, she'd steal a taste either way, whether it's by fork or through lips. 

"even the scent?" she grins, turning her head and leaning back against him, even angling her body towards him, a hand resting over his on her leg. "got a favorite scent, cam? mm, or drink i should say."

[camjinet]

200708 | #fifth-floor-bathroom

( image cover. ) — location: seraph house.

AT: when she was younger, her mother used to tell her that there isn't a single problem in the world that couldn't be solved with a nice, relaxing bath. at the time, she didn't think much of it, listened to what was said and often took it as decreed law. it was when she left that she avoided those small remnants of her life, wanted to put them away, bury who she used to be. only recently does she feel comfortable going back to those patterns, habits, those little details she couldn't let go of. she realizes doing that is much easier in his arms but, this time around, she insists on being the one wrapped around him from behind. legs loosen, fall to the side so she can guide him to lean further back against her, and her grin is automatic when grey hues meet hers. hand covered in bubbles, she brushes some onto his cheek, eyes bright with fond amusement as she starts to massage shampoo into his hair. "aren't you so lucky? floral services, spa services. what else should i offer you?" 

CM: Suffice it to say he rarely ever uses the bath tub, even just to soak. With all the things Athena prepared for this one bath, he wouldn't have the confidence to ever recreate it either. Visual and knowledge gaps in the time it takes for him to get there leave him accepting his fate when he's asked to sit in front of her. It feels slightly off, but he'll go with it; let the other do what they like to his hair as per usual. Humming along to the silence, that's to say, the fade between songs on the playlist he curated—he could at least do that, right? Maroon 5's 'Memories' soon plays and accompanies the small splashes of water as he readjusts. "A kiss?" He lets out a chuckle, yet quickly closing one eye to save himself from getting soap in it. "I don't know. You give five-star service already. How could I ask for more?" 

AT: there's something about the choice in music that surprises her but maybe it's because she's been drowning in memories, despite how much she didn't want to think of certain ones at all. she's still yet to tell him and she doesn't know if this is a good time to even start to, fingers massaging his scalp as she sits up more, leaning over him with a soft chuckle. "is that a service too? i thought i gave you plenty for free, should i charge you for those too?" but she basks in the rest of his words, in the implied quality and satisfaction before kissing his cheek, sinking back against the basin's edge, tension in her shoulders lingering but not enough that she's still in pain. "mm, you sound like a guy who has everything. impossible, there's gotta be something." 

CM: A low whine escapes him at that. “Aww, don’t take that away from me.” And even as he says it, he can’t keep a straight face, grinning all the while. He can’t tell whether the premise brings it out of him, but it certainly tickles him. He tilts his head to the side as if to encourage more of her kisses, especially since it’s hard and awkward for him to turn his head enough to do it himself. By this point, he’s drowned both his arms underwater, which stops him from touching his face. Though in all honesty, he’s distracted with the bubbles, because it can’t be that easy to get so much. He used it to stall his time answering, too; blowing it off his right hand. “I’m not too keen on drinking at home, so that’s out. — Perhaps,” he pauses. “Well it’s more me to you, but I do enjoy giving you massages. Could I give you one after?”

AT: when she bends her legs, one supporting his weight leaning against her, bubbles building up against the side of the tub, she leans more over him. violet locks cling to her nape as she kisses his temple this time, trailing more down to his jaw, neck, and his shoulder where she lingers. shifting again, she only allows herself to rest her chin against his shoulder for a moment, reaching for the extended showerhead, humming as she considers his answer, doesn't turn on the water just yet to give him one of her own. "drinking outside then?" her hand stills in his hair when she's giving it one more small massage before washing the shampoo out. "sounds like an excuse to touch me," she teases, but he does give amazing massages. "only if i get to give you one too." before he can answer, she swipes more bubbles onto his cheek, grinning as she turns on the showerhead, tugging his head back by his hair to wash it clear.

CM: Before he knows it, the lingering sense of calm washes over him enough to flutter his eyes closed. Sleep won't win over so easily, though he keeps swirling his index finger underwater. Imagining what Athena is doing, how she's taking such good care of him, would have to do. The idea of drinking outside is far too vague. Does that mean a club or a pub? Either one doesn't feel right to him. Cameron's never stuck around long enough to hold a sober conversation with a hook-up to know what he's like drunk, but he'd have a pretty darn good idea of it. Athena shouldn't be seeing him in that state. "Are you trying to get my ass drunk or is this a social drinking affair?" He'd check to see her reaction to that, but the shampoo is too close to his eyes and he scrunches his nose at it. He hums in agreement, although it wasn't necessarily the intention for it, and reaches for her leg—giving it a tight squeeze. "I could touch you here." But then he laughs as the soapy water runs down his cheek and neck. "You first then. You know how thorough I like to be." 

AT: “does that mean you'd actually let me get you drunk? because i might be interested," though she's not that particularly fond of being under the influence. she prefers being present, in the moment, a need to be aware stemming from the fact that she has to be vigilant whether as a theta or to protect herself. but it's different around cam. around him, life slows down a little and, though it means they're in their own world for most of it, it's possible to rest a little easier, to close her eyes and know she's safe. shifting again and leaning more over him, she laughs at the sight of bubbles on his face, wiping them away with a gentle caress of her thumb. the squeeze of her leg sends her hand gliding down, gripping at his bicep with a whine. "hey!" though he can't see, she crinkles her nose, leaning in this time to nip at his ear. "like i said, still seems like an excuse. even that was." wanting to teasingly scold him more, she stops short at the implication, breath caught in her throat for a second. "when you put it that way, it does seem more like a service for you. guess we'll have to see who's more thorough." 

CM: Something of a forced chuckle escapes him at that. "No, that is certainly not happening." Sometimes he gets so drunk that he doesn't remember anything the next day. Later on he learned that he simply stops making memories at some point, and as scary as it might be, it sounded right up his alley. Cameron happily welcomed it from then on. Now, though? He wants to make memories. He wants to be aware of his actions and fully appreciate what he's doing and who he's with. His mind helpfully reminds him of the first day of the mating season trip and how Athena shared something with him—something he thinks was not a 'need-to-know' basis, but a personal trust moment. There's no way he can forget that, how time seemed to slow down for him as he watched her dance. "I can have a few drinks max. You're drinking with me, though." He pats her leg as added emphasis. Cameron laughs then, full and heartily, at how he's scolded for holding onto her, he thinks. But that's arguably what he wants to do always. He rolls his eyes when he recognizes Doja Cat's Say So playing now. "Oh really? Should I keep my hands to myself then?" It's quite the annoyance that she's out of reach right now. He'd love to kiss her then. "I'll hold you to it. It'll be one very long session indeed." 

AT: rolling her eyes when he says it's not gonna happen, she can't be all too offended, not when she didn't expect him to say she could anyway. the fact that trust has to be earned and given, the first commonality between them when they first met, convinces her of just that— that they both need to know a situation before they can let go, relax, breathe even. so, in this moment, she still questions if he can relax around her the same way she can now, with him, because of him. "now who's trying to get who drunk, hm?" with a light pat of his shoulder, she whispers for him to scoot up and she stands first from the tub once there's enough room, moving just enough to settle back down, palms finding his thighs first to move them, give her own space to straddle his hips as she leans in. light touches, fleeting, until fingers splay along the side of his neck and she grins, closing the distance between their faces til the tip of her nose grazes his. gaze intentionally meeting his, she tilts her head, edging closer yet as if about to kiss him but she stops, pulls back with a bite of her lip. "are you sure you can handle a drunk me? because you might be keeping your hands to yourself," fingers weave into his hair with a light tug as she shifts on top of him, body flush to his. "but i won't." as if snapping out of a trance, she lets go, hands sliding down to his shoulders with a light pat once more, straightening her posture. "mm, should we wash off and go then?" 

CM: "Oh, don't let me stop you from having a nice time." Albeit drinking is more of a method of escape for him, he does recognize how some tend to drink for fun. Readjusting to the request, he raises a brow at her. Multi-tasking seems too tedious when all his attention falls on her moving figure. If only they had a bigger bath tub, he supposes. But this new position would have to do. His hand keep to her sides in an instant, as if it just clicks in place, and pulling her closer despite her obviously familiar situation. His cheekbones raise that bit higher when he's denied a kiss. It's happened so often now that he expects it, he guesses, squeezing her waists in small retaliation. He won't go lower albeit he wants to. What a place to 'massage' her when it's a place of cleanliness. "I'd handle you any way you want me to." He chuckles at that, not before the rest of her sentence processes. "Is that right? Mhmm, then I might have to take that back." His gaze shamelessly drops to her breasts as his hands travel back up, but is quickly meeting her eyes again if only to smirk. "And get a bit dirty again? Sure thing, baby." 

AT: "doesn't sound as nice if you're not drunk with me. i'm curious . . . just how much you can't keep your hands to yourself. that's my problem," allowing lips to curl into a pout, she feigns sadness, the corners of her eyes curling too, gazing at him with a perfected look of despair. as much as she hates the idea of being a damsel in distress herself, she's certainly mastered appearing one to others outside of the pack. though she knows cam can see right through her, she continues anyway. the squeeze to her waist makes her shift, hips pressing against his and she doesn't pull away at first only because of what he says. "i wouldn't mind if you handle me any way you want to." following the path of his gaze makes her laugh and she takes his hands in his, pulling on them as she rises to her feet. "come on, if we both keep talking like this, we'll never leave this tub."

(  FIN!!  )

[camjinet]

200705 | #beta-cam-bedroom

( image cover. ) — location: seraph house.

CM: Falling back into the soft touches, shallow breaths, and a particularly deadly visual of hazel and honey that continues to paint his unconscious mind feels like a breath of fresh air; of relief; of something other than trying to escape. He'd argue, perhaps, that it isn't the absence of what he knows, but what is entrusted to him. Years later and he knows nothing of the scar on her hip, or of the nightmares that plague her mind at night. But he does know of how it takes a very specific combination of words and actions that get thrown out the window once she falls on his lap again. He's holding his breath every time their lips meet. His fingers ghost their way up her sides, and finally rests on the nape of her neck with a hand so familiar with different kinds of folds. The other hand is gripping Athena's thigh and moving her ever-closer. 'Not close enough,' he thinks says, perhaps—while nothing but open, glistening bright, cold and metallic eyes look at her with such desire, and eager fingers remove her clothing bit by bit. Has he seen this one before? “Come sit on my face, let me show you how much I missed you.” 

AT: she's never felt as responsive as she does until he touches her, until it's his touch. it's confounding how the same fingertips caressing her body bring comfort and elicit sin, that she can both melt into his embrace but become a mess at his will. though she's the one who moved onto his lap, swears she more often than not kisses him first, his hands—on her neck, on her thigh— make her knees buckle, pressing closer to him with soft moans. if it's not at his will, it's for him, just like the sheer, red mesh set of lingerie, deliberately hidden by a stolen shirt of his and cotton shorts. she wears them so often for herself but takes pride lately in showing them off to him. hand over his when layers are tossed aside, she guides his fingers to trace over the ribbing, gaze hooded in lust and, though she hears him, though his words bring warmth to her neck, her chest, delving further until she has to shift on his lap, teeth sinking into her lower lip, she just can't stop staring. but it's the sentiment that causes her cheeks to flush most with a shaky inhale as she cups his cheek. let me show you how much i missed you— why does hearing him say that feel so good? reaching above his shoulder, gripping the headboard, she lifts herself up, puts herself on display for him, glancing down with a tilted head, "help me take it off then?" 

CM: Admittedly, it's hard to look her in the eye sometimes. Not because of what he sees, but because of what he doesn't. His hands travel everywhere they can touch her, exposed skin or not, and he wants to watch it all happen—know exactly what's going to get a reaction out of her. With every bit of skin revealed, he's pressing his lips to her bare skin and taking in her raw scent. He'd bury this one with his own, one day, someday. So, when he kisses her right above her clit through the red mesh, he waits a second for a sound; perhaps a shiver would do. Cameron's not wearing anything himself. But the heat that grows like a second skin chooses to warm Athena orally instead. Then, once the sheer material—delightful at best, frustrating at worst—leaves her hips, thighs, and proximity entirely he makes the most of the opportunity and spreads her legs apart. "Don't move, baby. I'm going to ruin you so bad."

AT: becoming greedy is too easy with him— she wants his attention, craves his affection, could easily beg for more if he teased her and teasing is exactly what the kiss feels like. a soft exhale in frustration, leaning her hips to chase the fleeting warmth, wanting to guide him where he’d spoken of. confusion melts into lust, her gaze unable to leave him especially as he drags sheer fabric down, stepping out of it and unintentionally whining at the positioning of her legs. he’d said for her to sit earlier but she hadn’t expected this, to be able to watch how responsive she is to his words alone, how her cheeks burn at the word ‘baby’ because of how badly she wants to hear him call her that again and how she knows she won’t be able to keep standing if he has his way. her grip tightens on the headboard again and she bites down a whimper, more eager than she’s willing to admit that she wants this, that she’s practically dripping already.

[camjinet]

200628 | #eastside-inner-forest-trail

( image cover. ) — location: seraph house.

AT: waiting til she was certain there was no one tailing her, it took nearly the entire night to travel back and her body aches from not resting. she'd changed and cleaned herself up a bit before leaving but the cut on her left cheek is still uncovered and she swears there's bruises littering her upper back. at least the scar from her last mission is faded by now.

as the sun rises, she regrets the black tank and the leather jacket she wore for the cool night air. when she reaches the house, she's just about ready to collapse into her bed but talking to one of the taus she crosses paths with in the main hallway makes her restless again, trying her best to sound casual when she asks about where a certain someone is now. she ends up dropping her bag off and taking off to go on a more familiar path, chases a familiar scent til he's within sight.

her excuse is that she doesn't want him to see the injuries first or the weariness on her face but once she's close enough, the ache melts away into something else, a different kind of yearning, comfort taken from jumping into his arms to hug him, to cling— legs wrapping around his waist and her arms around his neck, nuzzling her temple against his— rather the comfort of her own bed. "i'm back." 

CM: For the longest time, his mind draws a blank. Working out and training while it's still dark keeps him from seeing demons, he thinks. The mundane task; one after another. Drinking hasn't been on his mind as often. Patrolling a little earlier than usual, an hour or two before breakfast at best; the muscles in his jaw clench and the minute scent of coffee beans grows ever closer with each bare step. The Earth itself might rock beneath his feet if it weren't for the anticipation. Cameron supposes the foreign scent on her, that litter her skin like the raw smell of iron—of sure cuts and various wounds on her—is her just coming back. And even as the softness of tone; of behavior; at how he automatically holds her thighs up to assure her stability as she clings to him—he insists on the tightness of his chest. "Welcome back," it comes out just as tight and somewhat low. Then, with the realization that she decided to go at him from behind, he thinks it's been planned—that she said goodbye in the same way so he wouldn't notice. "Athena, what am I not seeing right now?" 

AT: there's quite a number of their pack members she wants to hear 'welcome back' from but his carries extra weight to it, comes with expectation, anticipation, maybe even happiness that she's back. she's too hopeful around him, she recognizes it now but sees no point in burying it anymore. while she can, she'd rather enjoy it, wish that nothing will happen as a result of her taking another step closer to whatever result that person wants by having hired a horrible p.i. to take photos of her. she stills at his question, presses her lips together and stifles a sigh. now that she thinks of it, she should tell him that the photos from the tattoo shop showed his face. "hm?" tightening her legs around him, she buries her face in the crook of his neck, wincing when she isn't careful enough nuzzling against him, and pulling away despite not wanting him to see. he's right and she looks to him with a wary gaze, "not . . . much?" 

CM: There's little in the way her gaze tries to guise the harsh of reality. When Cameron set her down and turned to look at her, he was preparing for the worse. But even as it doesn't look as bad as he expects it to be, the image of her once again hurt digs into his skin unpleasantly. "How is it that the first time you're out as a theta again, you come back like this?" He doesn't touch her, doesn't want to. If he knows anything about injuries, they don't always show plain as day. No amount of nuzzling, of a softer tone, or of this more vulnerable sight before him can argue with the frustration that builds within him. "Are you going to the lotas now?" The beta doesn't cross his arms, doesn't raise his voice, or even let his muscles tighten. But he does have questions, and he wants them answered as soon as the theta's taken care of.

AT: in all fairness, she should've started easy, made the return more gradually but, to her, more than enough time had passed since she saw that photographer in the tattoo shop. there are only so many excuses she could give to prolong it and, while she nearly regrets it, she does have an answer— just not the one she'd been hoping for, not one that she's all too pleased with. at the very least, she's certain they don't know about changmo and that's all she has to offer. at this rate, she needs to acknowledge that cam directly is at some sort of risk. it's how much that she's unsure of. she just wanted to see him again but this kind of neutral reaction makes her tense, more so than being scolded, and she crinkles her nose, shutting an eye as she tries not to wince at how the gesture aggravated the cut ever-so-slightly. "mm, i took care of my injuries the best i could before i headed back home. bad time to say 'you should see the other guy?' too cliche?" then again, she isn't sure she wants to say that or let him know that there'd technically been one human with a gun. 

CM: Taking a deep breath, there's a swirl of emotions that continue to build inside of him. The feeling of anger, whether at Athena or at whoever did this to her, gradually makes its way to the forefront. The response he gets doesn't do much in terms of calming him down, as he suspects she's trying to do. "Not good enough. Go to the lotas now." And if his voice gets harsher, he doesn't recognize it. "I am not entertaining your jokes until you do. And even then, I want a report of what happened first." It was a mistake not to ask her when she first left. She came to him personally, too. It's certainly not an issue of trust for her. Even if he only vaguely recognizes it, it's the build-up of concern and guilt that he couldn't have prevented it otherwise. 

AT: the anger practically radiates from him and it reminds her of his anger before they'd last gone on a mission together, of how it comes from a place of concern, and, though she shouldn't let her train of thought go there, she can hope it's more than as a pack member. but she doesn't see him in this state very often, the tone of his voice almost grating, reaching out for him becomes instinctual and, while she recalls that he hadn't taken his hand in the basement when she tried to calm him down, she takes his hand first instead, holding on and squeezing tightly when her own voice softens, especially in comparison to his. "go with me." daringly so, she leans into him, chin resting against his chest as she wraps her free arm around him, tugging at his shirt. "better yet, carry me. please?" 

CM: About this time, in this mood, a majority of wolves tend to give a silent nod and does what he asks says—perhaps he should work more on that. It's comforting, though, to say the least, that they'd listen to him. However, when Athena doesn't turn around and walk off in the direction of the house, he's left to thinking he should be doing something else, something— Huh. A clenched fist loosens its grip upon her touch, her squeeze. Is this what it means to be treated with gentleness? Cameron's first reaction is to go okay and simply take her. Except what she does next is rather surprising. Would anyone else just do what she's doing right now? Between the heat of his neck and the solid stance he's holding, there's far more awareness to his state of being now. And yet, Athena's not scared? "Carry you..." Certainly, it wasn't ever off the table in terms of means to get to the lotas. But Athena gives him that permission unprompted, and with such softness. "Sure, I can do that." Without another moment's hesitation, he's leaning forward and hoisting her up—right arm scooping her up under the knees and left supporting her back. What was this called, again? Bridal style? "I figured this would be more comfortable for you rather than a bumpy ride on my wolf." 'So much for not touching her,' he thinks as he begins their trek back. 

AT: the fact that his hand relaxes at her touch, that he lets her take hold this time is unspoken validation washing over her. it almost justifies how she'd clung to him in the next moment and she expects him to scold her, to straighten her up and away from him to tell her again but what he does is much gentler, more surprising. most of all, she's wrapped up in how comfortable she feels once he holds her in his arms, too comfortable to the point that the nape of her neck is burning and she wills it not to reach her cheeks, tucking her head between his neck and shoulder so he won't see. "it's perfect," her voice grows softer still and her eyelids grow heavy compared to when she first found him. the pathetic attempts she had at rest while away don't compare to this and it's dangerous for her health, to think that he has such a strong effect on her, that there's this undeniable pull to him. eyes closing for a moment, unsure what to do with her hands in this position when it would irritate the pain in her shoulder more, deciding on resting one hand on his shoulder, words barely audible when she also admits, "i missed you." 

CM: It's quite a way's back home. They're on the other side of the forest's end and then it'll take another couple of levels to get to the medical room. At the very least, he's grateful they're still on home territory and he's assured that the area from this location and back are cleared. Though, he can't say it's all easy. Cameron's trying his best to make this as seamless of a trip as possible. That means extra care into the steps he makes—especially since he's wearing thickly-soled boots—and don't go switching up the position in favor of personal comfortability. Athena's comfort matters more. With how her voice becomes softer, now seemingly less intentional, he wonders if she's finally hit her limit of exhaustion. Was it really that worth it to go out and see him first? Was that the sacrifice she was making? He lets a shallow sigh escape him as he continues on. But then the relative silence breaks and she speaks again—says that, and it's back to how she came to her first. "As did I."

( FIN!! )

[camjinet]

200616 | #backyard

( image cover. ) — location: seraph house.

AT: she'd just finished in time, wondering how far he could've gotten once everyone is leaving the dining room area and hoping she catches him in time. as much as she would've liked to talk longer to julian once he gives her the bento, as much as she'd like to hug him forever for being so sweet to think of her, she can't leave without seeing him either. dinner would've been the best chance to see everyone but she likes the idea of the partying they'd done being one of the last images they have of her for now, as if leaving behind in happiness is better than the chance of her being sad she's going at all. maybe she does enjoy being a tau more than she thought.

sneaking up on him is a moot point. she swears that with his sense of smell, he can probably tell she's coming, that she's carrying a bento now, that she's got a hoodie of his packed away in her bag, shamelessly taken from his room when she'd been in there moments ago. arms wrapping around him from behind when she catches up to him, she grins, lifting his arm to duck underneath it and slip in front of him, not letting go so she can slide a bracelet from her arm to his. she'd accidentally tied it looser than intended but it makes for a better fit around his wrist that way, chuckling amusedly at the sight of small pink quartz beads. "i'm coming back for that so take good care of it, okay?" 

CM: Being wide awake at this hour was a little strange considering he wasn't going into the city tonight to work. He could already smell the metal and smoke that painted the tiles. When a sigh escaped him, he remembered he had to go up to shower before going to the celebration anyway. Before he could move another step, however, he realized that the wolf in question was coming closer. Cameron slowed his steps only to be met with the reinstated theta. A strange choice of greeting, but alright. Looking at the bracelet thrusted upon him, he narrowed his brows in question. 'What do you mean take good care of it?' "I'll keep it safe," he said instead. "How long is it this time, ms. theta extraordinaire?" He cracked a smile then, keeping his hand to the side. It was very rare for him to wear something there, even a watch, so he absentmindedly readjusted it. 

AT: "good," she grins, though the curl of her lips gives way a moment later, his hand already missing from hers and she's stubborn in letting the opportunity go. deliberate in the pout of her lips this time, she looks up at him expectantly as she takes both hands, turning them over and examining his wrists. "i was going to tell you to trade with me but you're not wearing it." gaze falling, it's easy to notice that the accent shell of the bracelet she'd given to him during mating season doesn't don his wrists and she crinkles her nose when she looks back up. "oh, hm . . . shouldn't be more than a couple days. i hope not anyway. it has been a while," she jokes. "think i've gotten rusty?" 

CM: His eyebrows raise, but only for a moment. "It's in my bedside table," he pauses. "I'm not one to lose things." Though he doesn't say it, doesn't know if he should, the photobooth strip is tucked away in the same place. He doesn't have much in his room besides the bare necessities—more of less. It might be too sentimental to display so openly either way. "Rusty? No..." He's smiling, looking away as he says it. Though of course, he doesn't mean for it to be anything but a joke. "It's only been, what, a month?" He reaches up to pet her; though ends up stroking her hair. "You'll do just fine. I'll see you when you return." 

AT: he nearly sounds defensive and, though she shouldn't, she finds it endearing, more so because she's happy that he keeps it so close. his bedside table though... what secrets linger there, she wonders, or she can hope he considers its contents to be treasures. the thought alone dusts her cheeks with pink and she diverts her gaze, letting go of his hands to run fingers through her hair, strands framing her face as they fall back in place. pushing at his chest when he looks away, shaking her head with a light laugh, she finds the words to be bittersweet. it's dangerous, really, how much she wants to stay at the sight of him, with his touch, and it makes kissing him that much more of a need than a simple wish. hands slipping to his neck, she guides him down to press lips to his, brief and fleeting, watching him with a smile when she lets go. "just like you say, i know how to find you." 

(  FIN!!  )

[camjinet]

200616 | #beta-cam-bedroom

( image cover. ) — location: seraph house.

AT: the last few hours of staying at the house could've been spent more productively, she knows. she could've repacked her bag, gone over her plans for the nth time, or made rounds to the gardens she'd actually miss now that she was a theta once again but falling in step with cam's sleep schedule isn't bad either. it doesn't last for long when she wakes up first, body aching for more rest considering the celebrations the night before, but she's glad she hadn't done anything, hadn't initiated anything the way she thought she would.

she expected herself to, actually, yet something stopped her, told her it would feel too much like saying goodbye and staring as sunlight threatens to break through closed blinds, small gaps allowing for the slightest of streams to fall upon his face, illuminating blond locks, the thought comes to her again. she could stay.

but if she doesn't go, she'll continue to wonder for how long. just how much longer is it safe for her, for any of them, if she doesn't find out?

first to wake, first to get up, and by the time she makes it back to his room, she assumes he's already downstairs to eat dinner with everyone, making it easier for her to change out the flowers. the last arrangment had been simple, almost too simple, and, by contrast, this one seems much more ornate. roses of another color, closer to lavender, a soft lilac instead and similar colored flowers accompany them: limonium, lisianthus, even sprigs of lavender remain a constant. but the forget-me-nots are the cutest in her eyes, hints of periwinkle blue peeking out.

a note is left beneath the arrangement, along with a bottle of the plant food mixture she'd grown up using. this time, she does sign her name along with 'don't forget, it's a higher price for a more complicated arrangement!' 

CM: Returning to his room felt too mundane, too used. All he really went in there for was to sleep. Occasionally, he'd get a few hits in on the punching bag in the corner, but that was about it. The view was alright, though he typically had his blinds closed during the day. Cameron barely caught it at first, having entered and exited his walk-in closet before doing so. He'd been keeping lavenders by his bedside for a while now, the sight of them brightened up his monochromatic room, so he'd grown used to its scent in the room. However, having fresh new ones this late in the day? They must have been Athena's work. He huffed a crack of a smile.

Getting closer, he felt the tips of the petals. His fingers were too big to truly enjoy the intricate details of it. There was more than one kind of flower, though, and he wasn't sure what they were other than 'they're familiar.' One looked like a lily, or the cousin of one, and he wondered what the significance of it was. Heck, he'd want to know what all of their significances were. Was Athena really the type to just arrange flowers because they were pretty? There must be some meaning behind them, right? He sighed outwardly as he turned his attention away from the flowers and back to his shirt, yet to be put on.

Looking up at the wall clock opposite of the bed frame and mirror, he figured he had a bit more time. He wasn't given an exact time to arrive after all. So he grabbed his phone tucked inside the bedside table only to notice the packet of plant food, and something sticking out from underneath. Was he really that blind? Cameron carefully picked the vase up, plucking the note out, with his phone still displaying Julian's chat. "Higher price?" He rolled his eyes and set the note down beside the vase. "You're going to have to give me some rate of exchange sometime, bubblegum." His phone went off to a new text, stealing his attention towards the lota and replying, 'do me a favor and bring eyeliner, will you?'

(  FIN!!  )

[camjinet]

200605 | #beta-study

( image cover. ) — location: seraph house.

AT: when she’s told, she searches her mind the first fifteen minutes, wondering if she’s done anything out of line recently, if she’d upset anyone lately, if there was something wrong but nothing comes to mind— nothing she wants to admit anyway. because her initial thought hadn’t been of that, worries of impending punishment or a scolding, but of wanting to see cam anyway. so when she knocks on the door of the beta study, she doesn’t wait long to enter, red tendrils that have begun to fade more so into orange and a familiar shade of pink standing out when she peeks her head in first. walking in, she heads straight to him, making herself at home as she settles onto his lap, smiling with one arm around his neck and the other against his chest, hooking a finger in his collar with a question of, “you called, sir?” cheekily, her lips curl more so into a proud grin, brows lifting. “business or pleasure? both?” 

CM: calling athena up to the beta study was such a formal thing to do. he'd rather go to a cafe, or well literally anywhere else, just so he wouldn't feel so stuffy in here. a room he barely ever used anyway. he could see the dust bunnies along the bookcase and inside the drawers. but it was going to be short and sweet, and clearly long overdue. granted, mating and nesting season got in the way, so it wasn't all that bad. in all honesty, it really couldn't be, not when athena was around him more frequently than usual. resting his elbow on the desk as he looked over the equally as monochrome room, the door opened to familiar features and colors. he reciprocated the grin in an instant, albeit he refrained from moving too much. and what a brilliant decision that was. "that would really depend on you." he held her more securely on his lap as he looked up at her. "what would my ace theta like to do?" 

AT: there’s something relieving in seeing him grin so soon after she’s entered the room, as if athena could pretend it’s not just her, and it reminds her that the more enthralled she is, the more she trusts him, the more dangerous it is. she thinks it because of him the most, that attachment is risky, yet she dives right in each time. “on me?” smile softening, she brushes his hair away from his face, head tilting as she wills herself not to get lost in grey hues. his touch is already electrifying in the best way and she’s caught in his storm again, more than willing to list off things they could do in an office like setting. too many things really and— wait. recognition flickering in her eyes, just when she thought she couldn’t be more excited, the wording has her practically bouncing off of his lap, only one leg left over his as the other keeps her balanced, sitting up more as she takes his face in both hands, eyes wide with delight. “say that again. what’d you call me?” 

CM: "mhm, on you." his grin had turned a little softer by this point, as if he was holding out on something. but really, he was just waiting for athena to react to it. that hopefully she wasn't too comfortable as a tau now to not want theta anymore. he let out a small chuckle when it seemed to hit her, and he was battling with whether to watch her delight or look away from just how bright she was. "oh, must i?" he teased. but to be fair, he missed his ace theta and couldn't wait any longer for this anyway. "athena, you're hereby promoted back to theta." he rubs her back then, as if to emphasize that he was there saying all this and that he meant it. 

AT: she nearly whines at his teasing, lips starting to curl into a pout until he says it, until he officially says she’s promoted back and she can’t tell if the rush she feels is from hearing those words or the way he touches her back or both. her bet is on both and she’s coasting on that high when she sweeps her tongue over her lower lip, unsure of what to say, speechless because, of all things, she didn’t expect this. i could kiss you comes to mind so quickly and so she does, thumb affectionately brushing over his cheek even as she pulls away, resting her forehead against his with a joking, “oh, so this is real.” a kiss in lieu of a pinch as proof. 

CM: despite his potential sadness over it, he actually did expect athena to run out the door; hopped up on adrenaline. that was pretty much what happened to him when nesting season ended and he could just go outside. let alone a whole promotion. what ended up happening was a much more welcome outcome, however, and he couldn't hold her close enough. "mhm, so real." closing his eyes in the process, he deepened the kiss with every moment that passed. 

AT: though she'd initiated the kiss, it's too easy for her to let him take over and she laughs against his lips at his words. surprised by it, amused, happy. hand slipping to his chest, bunching his shirt in her grasp to pull him closer yet, committing this moment to memory by touch alone, she wonders if this is the taste of happiness, if it feels like this; like being shrouded in warmth yet feeling a shiver go up her spine when she slips her tongue against cool metal, sucking on his lip as eyes flutter shut. 

CM: a hand traveled up the theta’s side, careful not to tickle her, while the other rested behind her neck. the feeling of warmth and belonging filled his chest; propelling him to commit this moment to memory. ever since the mating season trip, he’d been trying harder to be more proactive in his regular activities. he was making more conscious decisions and taking more steps to think about things in the present rather than the past. maybe it was starting to pay off. his need for distance, for detachment, grew weaker as the days came and went. with his eyes still closed, a soft moan escaped him. 

AT: she nearly forgets at the sound of his moan. nearly forgets everything, why she came to the room, why she kissed him   —   because she doubts she'll ever need a reason more than wanting to   —   and it's just so soft, pretty, addicting. she'd do anything to hear it again, but when she opens her eyes, she remembers, has to force herself not to get lost in him so easily or she won't be able to resist at this rate. hand trailing up to cup his cheek again, she kisses the corner of his mouth before pulling away with a soft smile. "still meant what you said? depends on what your ace theta wants to do?" it's funny that him saying that months ago felt so different than now. "mind going on your rounds early today? so you can come properly celebrate with me later. when's the last time we saw each other outside of our territory?" 

CM: In all honesty, he expected Athena to continue. Continue kissing him, biting his lip if she wanted to, even drag him— Well, okay perhaps not that. But then he found himself chasing, and he had to force himself back onto the seat. His head was planted on the headrest as he loosened his grip on her. Pursing his lips, he didn't answer right away. He wanted to hear just what she had in mind, because now it felt different—it felt like a different type of activity. Cameron raised a brow at the request. It was easy to do, certainly, but the thought of joining a celebration had him reeling. The last two Seraph parties had him guilting himself into the abyss. It made wanting to quit the whole pack life terribly tempting. But perhaps the key words here would be 'outside of our territory'. Athena really knew how to avoid another bout of trouble. Though, wasn't that what a theta specialized in? Gather information and act accordingly. He finally reciprocated the smile right then. "I'd be happy to, Athena. Where's the celebration?" 

AT: she swears she can practically feel the hesitation resonating from his body. even if she couldn't tell, she feels the rejection in how he pulls away, how he seems to let go, and she wants to reach out for him more. bring him back, bury the impending 'no' with another kiss, but she doesn't, a weak smile in place until he gives her one of his own. hand slipping along his neck, resting on his shoulder, she considers this enough permission to lean in again, "mm, i did want to go to a club. you know, since a certain someone said he'll come up with reasons to see me dance again and hasn't yet but karaoke might be easier. i want everyone to feel more comfortable. i can't imagine julian and chase dancing in a club, can you? as much as i'd love to see claire or ilsung on the dance floor too, i think they'd have more fun at karaoke. what do you think? you much of a singer?" 

CM: He rolled his eyes at that. It felt like routine had simply returned once nesting season was over, and this promotion was long overdue besides it. Although dancing in a club wasn't the same thing either, where else would they dance? Unless calling Athena out to his favorite neck of the woods, pulling out his phone to a playlist, and dancing under the moon and stars was a viable option. He hummed in consideration. Cameron caught himself thinking of excuses as to why he couldn't join the celebration and let himself chuckle at the name drops instead. The memory of Chase up on stage and singing his heart out made him think that someone was really going to show the rest of them up. "Sounds like a plan. But nah, I wouldn't call myself that. Did a bit of karaoke with Baby on the trip, though. Might be fun to do it with everyone else, too." 

AT: “oh, you did?” she’s admittedly a little jealous but, of who, she isn’t sure, fingers trailing over the collar of his shirt as she shifts in his lap, refusing to leave quite yet. she’d always wanted to hear baby sing with how nice his voice sounds in speaking alone but, with cam, she just wants to see him in any other setting, get to know him, learn more about him. she wants to see him smile more often. “come on, say you’ll go,” this time, she’s tugging at his collar, body turned to face his as she brings him closer, tip of her nose affectionately rubbing against his. “maybe you should wear eyeliner again,” with a soft hum, she pulls back a little to stare into grey hues, crinkling her nose. “on second thought, maybe not . . . you might steal away all the attention from me that way.” @lights; camera; action!

CM: "Mhm," he tilted his head. The more she shifted then brought him closer, the more his anticipation built. But if this thing were happening right after he went for his rounds, then wouldn't it be cutting it a little too close? He tried biting on his lower lip only to lick the metal of the ring instead as he nodded curtly. "Yeah, I'll go." Cameron couldn't help the grin that spread across his lips at that. The lightness of their noses touching was a little ticklish, to be honest, and he only held onto Athena's thighs for some kind of stability — as if it would keep him from laughing. "Eyeliner, huh? I'll think about it." He pressed a quick kiss to her lips before departing once again. "I better go do my rounds now, then. Wouldn't want to miss your party." He reached up to ruffle her hair, but last minutely decided to simply push his hair back.

AT: her own grin mimics his own when he says he'll go and she could kiss him for that too. so many moments to want to kiss him and not enough time. not a bad problem to have, honestly. letting out a short laugh when he says he'll consider the eyeliner, words cut off by a kiss, train of thought broken to give way to another smile at the gesture. "mm, i'll go on mine too," she jokes, though hers is far more casual, much more self-serving in her plans to invite wolves as she makes her way around. it's almost helpful that she's already on the fifth floor, just has to make her way down after going up one more to ask blair about it. fixing his collar with another grin, she kisses his cheek before getting off his lap, making her way to the door first. "see you later!" 

(  FIN!!  )

[camjinet]

200524 | #beta-cam-bedroom

( image cover. ) — location: seraph house.

AT: (* blankets cover the majority of the bed, layers of fleece and soft cotton surrounding her, satin robe draped over the edge where she’d left it when she came in. warmth surrounds her in bounds and yet something is off   —   drowsily, she sits up, one blanket slipping down as her arm finds air when she reaches out. he’s just barely out of reach, her lips subconsciously curling into a pout before she taps on his shoulder, fingers traveling high before she’s poking his cheek to wake him up, waiting for a gaze to meet hers so she can say, arms open ) come ‘ere, warmth 

CM: ( ; a dream about being out in the woods with his brother makes sense until it doesn't. he's an adult while the other stays young, untouched and unhurt. but it quickly fades, or perhaps, cuts when he feels something on his cheek. the hand under his pillow move before his eyes open and reaches out for the wolf's hand. the grip is a little tight at first, an instinctual reaction to danger, but loosens the next second as he comes to terms with the request. it doesn't take much to wake him, already moving closer. wrapping the blanket over her more tightly, he holds her closer to him as if to protect her. ) 

AT: (* the grip paralyzes her for a second, eyes widening, swallowing thickly when it’s tighter than she expects, but this is cam. this is cam. so that extra second is given to him, alertness giving way to trust as she relaxes, exhales gently and her eyes start to hood over again with the temptation of peaceful slumber. this time, the warmth she feels is right and she thinks if she could stay like this, fitful sleep is a thing of the past but does it do the same for him? nuzzling his neck, she leans into his embrace easily, naturally, safety and comfort found in a person rather than anything ) stay like this (* she murmurs against his neck, arm slipping around his waist, keeping him there, another way of asking him to stay ) 

CM: ( ; he knows if he unblurs his vision and move any more, it'd be harder to sleep. but he still blinks back his sleepiness, if only for the moment, as he finds himself settled into the environment again. he's in his bed, the blinds are closed tightly, and athena's in his arms. the last of his dream fades into his subconscious, and he's left with an empty feeling. instead of the cold finding a home within him, his heart swells and he happily shares the natural warmth of his body. he could no longer see her, tucked almost entirely under his chin, so he presses a kiss to her head as her breath tickles his neck. ) okay. ( ; reassurance, he assumes. but whether it was for him or her, he couldn't quite tell. and he tries not to hold on too tightly either. at the very least, there was leeway to move if she wanted to while a hand cradles her head and his other rubs her back in slow strokes. ) 

AT: her last memory is of his comforting touch, in how she yearned to do the same, to, at the very least, attempt to provide as much solace and security as he gave her. whether she managed to, hand trailing up his spine, fingertips tracing abstract shapes along his shoulder, she isn't sure and it's selfish that the answer isn't as important to her in the moments after just waking up, not when she wakes up to his peaceful sleeping face and warmth that makes it difficult to leave every time. she could only hope so, right? 

a sleep schedule that would nearly mimic his if not for the fact that she's a tau, that her role calls more for an early start compared to him but a few hours is more than she normally gets. she almost prefers it anyway, more careful to not wake him when she leaves, when she kisses his cheek just barely as a silent 'thank you.' 

in the years after she left her birth pack, even in the years she'd been part of this pack, she didn't know peace like this, in replacing the flowers in his room herself, deliberately choose lavender, purple this time, with white roses, tongue poking the corner of her mouth as she arranged them to be just right, the roses more sparse in comparison to the vibrant bunches of lavender. proudly, she turned to him, taking the step closer to stand right in front of him as he sat on the edge of the bed. "what do you think? good enough to hire me as your personal florist?" 

NEAR: ( ' purses his lips near the door, squinting at the muffled voices as he goes back and forth with the idea of rushing in and taking the sheets. He wasn't sure if they were on the bed or not so he decides not to bother and leaves. He took Athena's anyway )

ILYA: [ ' he zooms past the room in the hall ] CM: Cameron watched as Athena arranged the flowers with such care. He didn’t know what white roses meant other than purity, and something associated with human wedding ceremonies. “Certainly saves me the trip,” he deadpanned. “I’m kidding. They’re great, bubblegum.” He leaned on his left hand as he got a little closer. Despite feeling like there should be something more, perhaps another type of flower, they looked pretty as they were. The fleeting scents of familiar wolves confused him because of the floor they were on, but his attention soon returned to his company. “Depends. What’s your rate?” 

AT: lips jutting out ever-so-slightly, she comes this close to sulking until that nickname slips out again and she feels more amused by it every time now, smiling as she moves even closer, standing between his legs. if she ever dyed her hair back to brown or black, would he still say it? the scent of pomegranates makes her look at the door but when it fades away, she looks back to cam, focus returning to him easily as she leans in, hands on his shoulders that trail up til fingers lace just behind his neck. “mm, for a simple arrangement, a little adventure? i’m pretty flexible though,” she jokes, mirth reaching her eyes. “i’m willing to accept a secret too. anything else you wanna offer me?” 

CM: Surprised at the choice of proximity, he pushed himself back up and rested his hands on Athena’s hips to keep her there. He looked up with some sort of anticipation, but he wasn’t sure of what, other than her reply. Considering that he was planning on promoting her back to theta soon, it would be a simple excuse to see her more than he did before. Moreover, it wouldn’t just be bursts of spontaneity anymore. “Yeah, you are pretty flexible.” A double entendre if he ever heard it. But it left his lips before he thought more about it, so he smiled instead. “That would require being aware of what you find valuable,” he paused. “Now I wonder if that little adventure could otherwise be in guise of a date?” 

AT: she’s always been content with the way he doesn’t push her away, accepts her advances and affection— physically anyway. if anything, she could almost swear he more often brings her closer these days and her gaze falls, lingers on his lips when he smiles, meeting grey hues again when she lets go, hand slipping to cup the side of his neck instead, thumb brushing over his jaw. “any secret of yours is valuable to me.” surprise taking over, she pauses and leans in closer, arms wrapped more tightly around his neck and her nose just barely grazing his. “could be. what if it is? interested?” 

(  FIN!!  )

[camjinet]

200508 | #broadwalk-game-station

( image cover. ) — location: quixotic camping trip event / island.

CM: cameron felt like he was roaming in limbo, deja vu perhaps, as he navigated the crowd. to think, he was back on the boardwalk so soon. it really did nothing for his hair that was then flying in every direction. would athena have the same issue? her hair was much longer, too. taking him out of his reverie, some sort of clacking, mini-drums sound was quite incessant on being the life anthem of a dancing monkey. quite literally, there was a small monkey dressed in a red and gold-lined suit and hat dancing about, and he couldn't get out of there fast enough. was that morally sound? squinted eyes could only carry so much distraction in the sunshine; pushing him further into the side paths. better for him, he thought, that way his stuff wouldn't get knocked over, especially when they were being held up so high. carrying the two items of mystery--one was what the stall guy claimed was cotton candy lemonade and the other to be a kiwi snow cone--and he'd be damned if he were to pass up on the colorful experience. now where did athena go? 

AT: the ocean breeze isn’t as gentle today, gusts taking her hair in every other direction. as grateful as she is that she hadn’t styled it today, irritation prickles her skin the more that loose strands obscure her view, she goes off on a hunt for a solution while cam went off to concession. she finds those hair bands meant to look like bracelets and, while it doesn’t match her outfit at all, black two piece set with a rose embroidered on the top left corner of the halter top and the bottom left side of the matching shorts, the sleeves of the light hoodie she’d stolen from cam’s clothes at camp cover her arms, even half of her hands when she doesn’t pull them higher. her extra purchase is pocketed, kept for whether or not she has enough courage, just before she gathers her hair into a high ponytail and when she spots him in the distance, strides become longer, faster, til she’s close enough to pretend to sneak a bite from the sno cone, teeth just barely grazing his hand instead with a laugh. “looking for someone?”

[camjinet]

200504 | #photobooth

( image cover. ) — location: quixotic camping trip event / island.

CM: ( ; it's certainly not the first time he's seen a photo booth, but it is the first time he's actually been inside one. what other reason would he have besides this one? the claustrophobic nature of it all makes him snake his hand around athena's hips to bring her closer--providing the illusion that there is more space to be had. except maybe that's not all he's doing it for as the black curtains that flow aimlessly through the ocean breeze seems to be the only shield to their scents getting trapped in this small space. but really, he isn't complaining. especially when he gets drunk off caffeine on the regular and he can't seem to quit. looking towards the touch screen, how the camera already points towards them and shows their options for photo strips, he hangs back a bit to look at athena's face. ) think i'd look better with some eyeliner? ( ; glancing towards the screen again, he imagines how almond-shaped monolids would look with some black. ) gotta look good, right? i'm keepin' these for the long haul after all. ( ; looking at the wolf through the screen, teeth bare as a genuine curl of his lips form the only accessory he would ever have on sheer sleeveless under a white jacket--clothes all suited to go lest he needs to transform abruptly. )

AT: (* the details of why and how elude her and she wonders if that’s how she’ll remember today: as everything she felt and the way he draws her closer, hand on the slinky material of her baby pink dress, chosen for the roses that cover it and how he’d said it makes sense. the thought of it dusts cheeks in a similar hue of pink, the scent of cocoa growing with the proximity, almost dazed the more she’s surrounded by leather and vanilla. fixing and adjusting her hair as she looks at the screen, reaching forward to scroll through their frame choices, briefly looking at his face, she inwardly groans at the suddenness of it, almost as if he knows how fond of it she is, how she wishes all the guys in the house would let her put eyeliner on them but thinking of grey eyes accented by charcoal liner makes her throat go dry, unintentionally biting her lower lip as she hums, settling on a cute frame with sparkles and seashells. his words linger on her mind, that he’ll keep these for the long haul and she didn’t think it was possible to feel enamored by something so small— that’s a lie, she’s always been sentimental. it ought to be illegal, the way he does and says things so naturally, and she leans back, hand on his thigh, gazing up at him with a smile that’d be impossible to hold back even if she tried ) that’s cute, i’m surprised you said it like that. you always look good but . . . eyeliner, i’m impressed (* turning, she reaches for the bag she’d set down when they first sat, fishing out an eyeliner pen and holding it up with a slow twirl ) do you trust me? 

CM: ( ; the choice of photo frame makes him chuckle, but for all the right reasons. namely that it's a little too on the nose for the location, yet it seems to follow a theme with her. how her choice of dress accentuates her love for flowers, even at a beach. roses just suit her so much, either by symbolism or otherwise. it was cute. the urge to kiss her bare shoulder hits him when she bites her lip, so he does just that--pushing her long hair away just enough to. ) hear something you like? ( ; letting the corner of his lips rise, his eyes only widen at the sight and touch. 'she looks so cute.' ) charmed. ( ; that's really all he gets to say before he's distracted by the eyeliner itself. the question throws him off, if only slightly. except he takes it playfully in stride. what a loaded question otherwise. ) i let you color my hair. sometimes shave me. i think we still use the same shampoo? so yeah, pretty sure i do. ( ; his fingers curl in her side as the smile grow softer; eyes in anticipation. ) 

AT: (* the kiss to her shoulder resonates with warmth, spreading from her shoulder to her spine, the nape of her neck, the apples of her cheeks, and she inhales softly, head slightly turned away so he can’t see the smile it brings to her lips   —   one he seems to bring out of her more often these days, all too easily for her liking and that’s just the word she’s been avoiding. but he makes it so difficult, even asks if she hears something she likes. his voice. she’s liked the sound of his voice for longer than she realizes but as he answers her, she’s nearly startled by the gravity of it all, questions how much more she likes. because she likes his trust in her, even in the smallest of ways that seem trivial to that of shaving that he mentions, of the vulnerability of an exposed neck between wolves. rather than a jolt of electricity, she feels more warmth emanate from his touch, from the sight of his smile, the depth in his eyes, and she kisses him without thinking, without hesitating, hand on the nape of his neck to bring him closer, eyeliner pressing lightly against his shoulder until she pulls away, tongue sweeping over her lower lip, as if it could ease the heat from the gesture or the sensation of cool metal from his lip ring. she’d never felt so aware of a single kiss, the thought making her stand, making space in just how little the photobooth had to offer as she stood in front of him, uncapping the eyeliner to focus on something, anything else. fingers guide his chin upwards and rest on his cheek as she studies his eyes, pretending they’re less familiar to her but she already knows the best way to put eyeliner on. it’s the practice and execution that she struggles with, biting her lower lip again with a soft laugh, almost bashful in how her brows furrow slightly, lips curling when she whines ) you’re so distracting

[camjinet]

200430 | #yellow-yurt

( image cover. ) — location: quixotic camping trip event / island.

AT: (* maybe i’m out of line, out my mind   —   she changes through song after song and even when she settles on one, even as a line repeats in her mind, even when she ends up mouthing it each time it comes up, she feels as if she can’t think. wearily, she had made her way to her tent only to feel as if it was so painfully lonely and the last thing she wanted was to be left alone with her thoughts. finding him had been easy, whether it’s blond hair she spots first or the scent of leather drawing her in, she’s impulsive in the way arms wrap around him from behind, shameless in asking for company, and in denial when she pretends she could talk yet. so when he seems as if he’s about to ask, when she suspects he might’ve caught her odd mood, she falls back into the same habit, a kiss, a touch, moans more easily given to him, a demeanor more tame than she’s ever been with him, especially during a time like this. even when sheets rustle, she knows she should be moving too, getting dressed, leaving because she never stays but she can’t bring herself to do much else but stare blankly, a hand underneath the pillow her head rests on, and the other idly on the bed ) 

CM: ( ; a slew of curses filled his headspace, and managed their way passed his lips. the negative space was once again filled with breathy moans—a familiar blend of intoxicating vanilla over freshly ground coffee beans along his own warm and sweet inflections of bitter almond and lavender—through the otherwise dark of the yurt. it certainly wasn't the change of pace, accompanied by the choice of a lustful embrace, that really baffled him since their last encounter, but the stoicism in both their figures now. perhaps, even with new developments between them, they would come right back to this like clockwork. upright now, with thoughts of the day's further activities and hopeful refreshments down the sandy coastline, he expects his company to be passing him by about now, and not to be seen lest the universe fates them again. but it never happens. left to wonder why, the earlier observations otherwise chalked up to the season, now comes back in full swing. the beta turns to find the wolf just as he'd last seen her, and he casts a wary look as he slides his forearm over, his body following; unclasped hand to offer. ) athena. ( ; softer tones escape him, a heavy contrast to barely five minutes ago. though perhaps time moved slower in this space now, how much shared tension they would hold in silence. so he tries to leave some room on the mattress to breathe, avoiding any semblance of restriction in how he offers himself to the wolf; feet still hanging in suspension over the edge. ) 

AT: (* as a child, she thought almond was too overwhelming. accidentally poured too much into a batch of sugar cookies and whined for hours about the taste, the scent til another attempt was made. it’s funny that cam changed that for her too, that a preference for vanilla anything over almond melts away in his presence, that this scent, that any scent of his especially when blended with lavender, has become a favorite, whether she wants to acknowledge it or not; whether she’ll ever tell him or not. but it feels so obvious, she wonders if anyone else could tell, that she seems more relaxed if cam is there, doesn’t automatically slip into one of her defense mechanisms, falls into a more relaxed type of flirtation, a genuine one. she wonders if someone caught on before she did, and if that made her more irritable in the bakery that day. thinking of town makes her freeze, slow breath suddenly caught in her throat, because this trip makes the second time she’s run into him now, his new name said so familiarly by others that he must’ve been using it for a while now. maybe as long as she’s been using athena. when cam calls her, arm already extended, her gaze flickers to him for a small second, returning to the hand that seemed hesitant compared to moments earlier. moments like this are why she trusts him so much, because he knows when to take and when to give, because he’s a beta who still asks for permission and the scar on her hip speaks of one that didn’t give her the same courtesy. the motion is slow, how she slides her hand from the pillow and how she doesn’t rest it fully in his, fingertips tracing the lines of his palm instead, from his wrist towards his fingers, edging higher until her hand finally slips into the crevices of his, grip barely there as she closes her eyes ) 

CM: ( ; in the silence, leaving their breaths and the gusts of wind against the yurt to fill it, patience is all he can give. but the growing unease that exudes the wolf only tightens his chest, only to breathe out to calm himself. a calm beta soothes wolves under him, he reminds himself. even though he'd rather treat them as equals outside of wolf duties, out of everything, he can be grateful for this one thing as long as it helps. letting his hand go somewhat limp to the touch, he watches the movement with partially-lidded eyes and the desire to just hold her. but he's going to let her lead, show him the steps he's allowed to take, and tell him in any which way she chooses. as she closes her eyes, he leans over to kiss her knuckles in his attempt of not shifting too much in disturbance. )

AT: (* he has every right to ask her directly   —   in fact, if any wolf in their pack had a right, of all the wolves it could possible be, he is the only one   —   why the sudden change, why the silence when she’s the type that strives to have the last word, that last ounce of power, the upper hand because she’s been forced to accept otherwise before leaving the pack she was born into. but he doesn’t and she’s torn again, wondering again. is this because he cares or is this because he’s their beta? it’s driven her mad in the bakery, made her lash out and run out, but now all she wants to do is stay. the time apart and the fact that, when her thoughts are so convoluted, she just wants to see cam. those lyrics come back to her and she couldn’t possibly think of moving, eyes opening when she feels plush tiers brush against her knuckles and she takes a deep breath, the air feeling caught in her throat because her heart can’t seem to let anything else pass. maybe i’m out of line, out my mind. i would like to see you, can i   —   hand squeezing his tighter, she starts to pull gently, asking despite the way her fingers cling to and stay laced with his ) can i sleep here? with you? (* honeyed hues nearly beg him to stay and she only lets go then, patting the bed where he’d been and willing herself not to close her eyes in case she’s met with rejection )

[camjinet]

200423 | #rec-hall

( image cover. ) — location: quixotic camping trip event / island.

AT: (* the days leading up to the trip, she’d done all she could to keep busy, even when she felt sore, when cramps tried to take reign, or whenever her irritability spiked. a cup of tea, a walk, dancing, even an unnecessary trip to the market for the smallest thing, willingly wearing a shirt of an upper rank in doing so. what was the concept of weakness anymore when she was more aware of herself, of her current position, anyway? when she’d heard of the rec hall, her first thought was of the acoustics. figuring out how to connect to the bluetooth had been easy enough and she was glad she’d added more music to her library before they left, that she’d brought along her favorite black legging and sports bra set too. stretching her arms above her head, she lets touch by little mix play at first, the first few counts already on her mind as she uses the bar to continue stretching )

CM: ( ; whether it was out of pure habit, curiosity, or simply the need for something to do that wasn't just idly wandering the camping grounds, he found himself looking into the windows of the rec hall. the amusement in his throat released him of the hollow feeling in his chest. how many times was he going to see athena through a window and want to join her? watching her try to set up the music, he jogged over the side and inside with the bite of his tongue. at least for this one thing, dancing, he could do well, and maybe they'd make a good duet. — knocking the door with nonsensical rhythm was more of an announcement of his excited arrival than of permission. ) mind if i join ya? ( ; he perks a brow up, and the bashful smile on his face is more of his asking for permission, even as he tries to convince her with the smooth glide of his feet further into the hall—offering out a hand as the song starts getting into its chorus. )

AT: (* blonde hair cascading over her shoulder, she looks up at the sound of the knock, though the scent had been a dead giveaway and tension drops in her shoulders when she'd noticed. it hadn't been the first time his scent was comforting this close to heat but she wouldn't have normally paired it with that smile, with the sight of cam asking permission to dance with her. there's the slightest crinkle of her forehead, of eyes squinting so briefly it's barely discernible, and the biting of her lower lip but, despite that, leg slipping from the bar, she's already placing her hand in his, curious how one dances as two to this song,, amusement already glimmering in her eyes at the thought of him doing the choreography she'd learned recently ) only if i get to lead (* she teases, sliding a step over to the right and tugging him along with her, laughing as she lifts their hands, spinning underneath his arm, blonde and pink tresses fanning out before she stops, quirking a brow at him to make the next move )

CM: ( ; part of him is nervous that athena will only decline his very presence and maybe not necessarily shoo him, but give some other indication of not wanting him to be there. so he's far too aware that he's watching her every movement and expression to find confirmation for it. but when his hand gets taken, he tries not to mentally kick himself for being so silly. but at that, is it way too cheesy that he bows as if they'll in some gala and everyone else is dancing to changing partners? ) lead away, bubblegum. i'll follow. ( ; and he does just that right away with a lighter heart at the sight and sound of her laugh. ) does this mean you prepared something? ( ; he raises an amused brow in question, especially with the anticipation of not having seen her dance before. )

AT: (* the bow he offers reminds her of lighter days, of dancing and running in flower fields, of sleeping peacefully in meadows compared to how she struggles to sleep most nights. it reminds her of a time she used to let loose more often, when taking someone's hand didn't seem so terrifying but it's easier when it's cam, when she thinks, for now, she doesn't have to let go. body swaying, she admittedly isn't much of a choreographer herself, but she wishes she was in this moment because, while she'd love to see cam attempt the ballon technique, she just can't picture it ) i have, but you (* slipping her hand briefly from his to poke at his chest, taking another spin despite it no longer matching the rhythm of the song, moving for the sake of it at this point ) should be on the dance floor instead of watching 

CM: so- ( ; unsure of his movements when he gets poked, he sends a confused gaze towards the wolf. is there something he's expected to do? listening to the song a bit more, having already sort of memorized the chorus by now, he lets out a chuckle. ) is that an order? ( ; he doesn't wait for an answer as the chorus starts up again and he honestly just wants to dance to how catchy it sounds—thinking he's never heard this song before, but he recognizes the voices. ) what's the name of this? ( ; even as he's asking, his lower torso and particularly his feet move along to the beat with natural sense that he idly wonders whether he dances just as well when he's high of whatever drink the club has. )

AT: yes (* she agrees all too easily, grinning before letting go, taking steps back towards where she'd left her phone ) it's touch by little mix (* gaze occasionally slipping back to him, to how he dances, she can't recall seeing him like this. then again, had they ever gone to a club together? danced together? but when had she let anyone else see this either? just how much she loves to dance, how it's just easier to laugh, to smile, breathe if she does ) what kind of songs do you dance to? come on, i'm curious. gimme a song, show me your best moves. that's the only 'order' i have (* holding up a hand to make quotation marks with her fingers, she wiggles the hand holding her phone too ) or do i get to pick?

CM: ( ; he purses his lips, pleasantly surprised by the quick and assertive answer. ) ah, i know them then. ( ; he turns around on the spot right as the bridge hits, as if he's ready for some sort of amazing dance number, except he's got nothing but club moves. looking over athena with new perspective, the whole outfit seems like it was ready to be worn for far longer than this, and how it fit her too well for it to just be some random set to put on. ) you dance? like, formally? ( ; getting hit with another question in return, he feigns contemplation--arms crossed and head tilted as his blond bangs fall over his eyes. best moves, huh? he unclasps his arms and hands, as if to present something; in this case all the open space as he ended up standing in the center of the room somehow. ) how about zedd's the middle?

AT: oh you do? one of your many human conquests? (* she teases, glancing at him with a smug grin, turning her head away only to hide a laugh but his question sobers her a little. biting her lower lip, she tilts her head to the side, blonde tresses still too loose if she really wanted to dance the choreography her friend had worked so hard on ) define formally (* brow lifting at the song title, she swears it's familiar. just what kind of dance does he plan on showing her. typing it into her phone, she pulls up the song, the first few notes filling the room as she sets her phone down again, failing to conceal how rosy lips curl as she watches him prepare, standing in the middle like a character in a video game's waiting screen. cute. she's already mouthing the words, hands on the bar behind her as she leans back )

CM: human conquests, huh? is that what they call it? ( ; he didn't expect any response to it--a mere passing remark. but as he reaches up to rub his nape in amused contemplation, the immediate image of a crowded bar and dancefloor he probably had never seen empty came to mind. the fleeting recollections of humans he's been with blur in his mind more than ever, though he suspects that it's the barrier of getting so high to even make memories anymore. he glances over to the window he'd seen the other from. it's not like this glass was scent-poof, but he looked for any stray eyes and ears anyway. ) formally, you know like- ( ; he reverted his attention back to athena, having found nothing usual of the sort outside. ) like with professional training. maybe did some performances. ( ; when the song he suggested plays, there's a bit of build up to get a feel for the song. he mouths the words like it's his own song he's trying not to sing; letting the ease of movements come out of him. he even closes his eyes as he dances along, nothing really to see, he thinks, but he's feeling the music with every beat. finding himself moving closer to the wolf, he meets athena's eyes with a curl of his lips as the chorus starts; feeling the strangest that he's alone in this space. ) gonna dance with me now? show me what real dancing looks like? ( ; he grins, a hand out to offer. )

AT: who’s they? (* the words are fleeting, of little importance though it reminds her of something that comes to mind so often   —   that cam is a beta. that there is likely no one in the pack he doesn’t know, doesn’t care for to some extent, because she might’ve childishly called him out for his nighttime activities but he’s done his job, does it well. lately, whenever she sees him, whenever she thinks she’s this close to deciding she should leave, she remembers that cam is one of the reasons she’s stayed for so long, why she’d gone from avoiding adding personal touches to her room when she first moved in to her room adorned in shades of pinks and flowers, everything about her preferences that didn’t change over the years even as she did. 

it should feel suffocating, she thinks, because, in the end, he’s a beta, the same rank as someone she trusted that destroyed everything she knew and had. even as the music fills the room, the metronome in the background impossible to ignore, somehow the truth is deafening: that it took one beta to destroy her concept of home and another to help foster it again, from the ashes so she could find the confidence to burn brightly again, color in her hair and a fire in her eyes. 

his question is left unanswered because when the thrum of the music returns to her, when the blood seems to stop rushing to her ears, when she seems to breathe again, letting this revelation float away with the movement in the room )   —

(* his hand is extended to her again and the decision she makes is two-part. one is taking his hand and the other is to let go of everything else, lyrics winding around her heart whether the choice was intentional or not. why don’t you just meet me in the middle   —   

it feels like the first time she’s been so self-conscious of grabbing his hand, hoping, wishing her palms aren’t sweaty, that her heart is racing faster at the thought of showing someone else another piece of her past, of a love for dancing that got her through the years she was alone. pulling him closer to her, hands on his shoulders to guide him to where she’d been watching him, her grin growing as the distance closes   —

i’m losing my mind just a little. excitement flows through her, fingertips brushing against his jaw where it trails off just below his ear when she tells him ) i can dance for you first 

(* pulling away, she takes a few steps back, flipping her hair with an airy touch, a loose tendril framing her face. letting the music fill her mind, from head to toe, taking a deep breath before, the smile on her lips is unmistakable   —   so why don’t you just meet me in the middle, in the middle. 

the song itself was so catchy, the metronome, each note of the snare drum, of the cymbal, makes it easier to match each one with a flourish of arm movements, precise motions that find their own flow with the song. 

baby, why don’t you just meet me in the middle   —   with the swaying of hips, hair flips that she absolutely loves, blonde and pastel pink fanning out behind her, falling back into place with a well-practiced tilt of her head, she loses herself to the song more and more. 

i’m losing my mind just a little, so why don’t you just meet me in the middle, in the middle   —   fingers running through her hair, she guides her dancing back to him, and, with brimming confidence, takes his hand without asking, pulling him back further out onto wooden floor to dance with her now   —   oh, take a step, back for a minute into the kitchen )

CM: ( ; there’s always such a split in attention with him that he wonders, when he’s out by the river at night or on the highlands and feeling the south winds on his bare skin, whether he’s really paying attention to everything. and he never does. things come and go, experiences come and go, and he becomes so indifferent to them that he’s frozen in place when asked about an opinion on it. so he doesn’t talk. there’s really nothing to say. so even now, he’s catching himself in lost thought. realizing that this moment between him and athena aren’t just passing memories, but something to immerse himself with. with the song alone, he’s listened to it so many times now that he knows the lyrics, yet this is the first time he’s really listens to what’s being said—and it’s a shock. it shows in his glassy eyes and slack grip of himself. though nothing too bad, he thinks, as athena pulls him in with a touch only to rescind. okay, he whispers just enough for her to hear. what follows is certainly more than he expects. then again, he’s never seen her dance before, so what was there to compare it to? arms crossed loosely, his head and eyes seem to travel with the figure. soon finding that the lyrics seem to be so unintentionally intentional for him to choose, particularly between them, and so he watches with amazement—wishing he could’ve seen this much earlier in their time together. some ways through the number, he blanks out of the song and only sees athena, how every bit of her seemed to tell a story he might never get to know. so it baffles him when he gets pulled in again; eyebrows raised in question, but he huffs out a smile. end of the story, he thinks. ) talk about showin’ a fella up. you bet your colored curls i’m going to find more excuses to see you dance. ( ; but the song still has a way’s way to finish, and sharing the floor with such talent sends waves of energy surge through him; making every move he makes a bit sharper than before. though it doesn’t last long, not when he just wants to go at this like he’s always done and enjoy how the melody takes him. by the time the song ends, he’s got his hands rested gently on her hips in full attempt at keeping her close; breathing a little slower as his stormy gray meet deep brown and luminous gold head on. ) thank you for sharing this part of you with me. ( ; he breathes out in a whisper. )

AT: (* how did we get into this mess, got so aggressive, i know we meant all good intentions   —   their conversations grow lighter since the day in the bakery, relief and elation washing over her at his words, at the mention of her hair, at even the slightest hint of how playful they were before, at the idea of doing this again, of spending more time together. it’s only when she started seeing him even less that she realized how much she enjoyed it. the dancing is surprising too, how his energy picks up, almost surges between them, and she can’t help smiling and laughing throughout despite the heavier notes of the song. as the song builds up, slips into its coda, she feels herself letting go again, of what happened between them, of the past, of her own past, and she focuses on the moment again, on the present and how cam tethers her there, in this space, in this time, in the way his hands rest on her hips and it’s got her breath hitching, caught up in the storm that is him all over again. she’d once thought he was the one in the middle of the storm, a little chaotic but able to withstand anything because he’s the same cam she’s run through forests with, jumped off cliffs with, but it’s her and she sees it now in his eyes, that a whisper is a strong current bringing her in, all too willing to wander into the eye of the storm if it means being this close to him again, if she can trail her hands over broad shoulders, fingers weaving into blond locks as she leans in. the slightest pull guiding his forehead to rest against hers, lips parted as she struggles for the right words. so much to say, not enough courage when she feels so captivated, so locked in place by his gaze. how could she say it all? that she should be thanking him, for not giving up on her, for still being around, for seeing her in this exact moment, for the sheer fact that, without initially recognizing it, she didn’t hesitate to show him because it’s him, that she can trust him with this much. exhaling gently, she moves a hand to cup his cheek, having finally settled on this: ) i trust you, i’m sorry if i made you doubt that before (* and sorry that she doubted it too )

[camjinet]

200507 | #grasslands

( image cover. ) — location: outside of house.

( CONTINUED FROM: 200410 | #kitchen!!  )

CM: ( ; free from the glass-washing, he sends the wolf a sheepish smile before clearing his throat at the silence. nodding curtly in response, he's really the one to follow athena out the door and into the evening breeze. out into their expansive backyard, through the small wooden gate, and onto dirt trails that can only lead them further away--yet not far enough. there's no way around passing the training grounds, cameron fighting the urge to look at it solemnly, but his shoulders drop all the same. he wants to mess around there, have some fun with their training, but the weight of taking charge--possibly getting stricter with every fighting wolf ranked below him--feels all too bothersome. he barely knows them all outside of missions, and perhaps the only one he does know passed formalities had been demoted by him. it's annoying how even the crickets that gradually grow louder in the grasslands still pale in his disruptive thoughts. and even now, barely a fair distance from home, he stays a foot apart from athena--hands to himself with the route he always takes as guidance. ) 

AT: (* leaving the kitchen, going through the backyard, leaving and yet not doing so at the same time is a weird concept for her. she went back and forth between feeling more comfortable being here and wanting to run off, whether it was for a mission or not. how could she explain to cam that she loved the trust she was given to go off on her own, that, compared to the past, she needed it as some form of proof that she was considered capable, a fighter, an actual, valuable pack member that wasn't considered property, something to own and have, to keep for themself. before, training was done in secret. here, the only thing holding her back right now was the idea that she might not be allowed to hunt or scout again. pausing, tongue shyly poking at the corner of her mouth, she looks to cam expectantly, hand on his forearm ) i never asked before . . . (* because it's personal, because her own reason feels so personal for both why she left and why she stays ) but why this pack? why do you stay?

CM: ( ; like he's done a million times before, he'll be crossing the grasslands, go all around the forest, eventually hit the ruins and come back. sometimes it takes a shorter time, though, when he does nothing but come and go; letting his primal senses be his default alarm system. other times, he'd really take his time, and even though he barely thinks about it still, he'll look at his surroundings with sharper eyes. then again, it was only getting darker the longer they walked and for a moment he thinks he's on his way to the clubs again. but no--not tonight. he wants to spend this time with athena and then come home for dinner, eat with the pack. spacing out of his reverie at the touch, the question that follows is a shocking one. after all of near's more trivial questions not long ago, this one has him stumped. and so he smiles, as if it's the only appropriate response for something quite so heavy. ) i wanted to belong somewhere again. take care of wolves again. be needed again. ( ; his gaze only falls forward, feeling that looking into deep brown eyes that can suck him in would be too much. then with a more lighthearted tone, he reciprocates. ) what about you? what makes you stay, athena?

AT: (* she'd been the one to ask, been the one to break the silence in the pleasure of simply walking together   —   something she'd never been that good at, preferring to talk someone's ears off or at least hold their hand, an arm looped in theirs, or a tug of their hair as she asks for a piggy back ride, tendencies from her adolescence still filtering through in adulthood   —   yet she didn't think he would answer so quickly. he made it seem so effortless, that he could tell her like this, and she wonders if he can open up more easily than she thinks, than she knows because she hadn't asked before. why didn't she ask? but her own answer comes in watching the way a smile had formed on his lips before he told her, because she'd been in denial, refused to acknowledge how important cam is to her. back and forth between it's because he's a beta for why she feels comfortable and yet also why she shouldn't be. the reason why is one she said herself in the bakery, because it's cam, so when he turns the question on her, tongue slipping over her lower lip as she turns away, hand already retracted from his arm and falling to her side, her breathing is less steady than she'd like. she owes him more honesty than she's given him, but does he have to make it seem so easy around her? she wishes she could ask if it's because it's her. ) i wanted to be seen. (* her voice is softer, trails off, because even she is surprised by how she words it. was that it all along? ) it . . . (* with a light exhale, she tries to laugh it off, how the truth is heavier than she wanted yet he kept his own so light ) i wanted to be able to sleep again, eyes closed 

CM: ( ; the heaviness that soon falls upon them seems uncalled for. that’s the reason why he tries to smile, tries to make his words come off airy, and why he makes more of an effort to walk at athena’s pace. but perhaps there’s something more looming behind the surface that he doesn’t expect. is he ready to hear it? he thinks it’s enough to ask him the question, and open the gate for a sense of getting used to the idea. so all his mental preparation for it won’t be in vain if she chooses not to share. a part of him thinks athena’s braver than he is for it, even as she reclaims her distance. but then she speaks and he has to blink back his confusion. someone as self-assured and capable as athena, not having been seen before? he’s staring at nothing now, the horizon perhaps, but he’s not really looking. it’s the concern that the last bit gives him that really starts to fog up his brain. ) if i didn’t know any better, you could’ve come from my birth pack. ( ; he tries to say that with a chuckle, but it only comes out as a puff of air and without much luster. but of course it wouldn’t. violent and unlawful packs exist. he’s disgruntled at the thought that athena would’ve come from one. ) how are you sleeping these days? 

AT: (* the silence that follows isn’t that surprising to her. isn’t it said everywhere? in novels, in television shows, music, film   —   even the most confident have their own insecurities and she wonders why she allows all of hers to slip out like this; why she doesn’t go running from cam because he brings out so many of them. from the moment she started training with him, she thought she might not be able to handle it, that the years of building herself up into athena instead of jihyun, into a goddess of war instead of a helpless maiden, could easily crumble because of another beta. but she stuck with it, learned how to fight better, kept fighting until she realizes there’s more that she fights too much against. it was obvious she was seen now, so what more did she want? what was she so afraid of now? when he speaks of his birth pack, her eyes widening, a step almost missed and she pauses for a second, foot lifted for a second too long before she steadies herself, she glances back at him, her question buried by a sentiment she didn’t think herself brave enough to tell him had it been days ago ) i’m glad. (* though the timing itself is odd, doesn’t quite suit what he said, and courage wavers, a smaller truth slipping out ) it’s good for the rest of us, isn’t it? that this is your pack now. (* that’s a truth she should also tell herself and she bites down a sigh at the thought of telling him that she doesn’t sleep, her resolve for self-preservation veering more one way than the other as she circles back ) i’m glad you’re our beta (* teeth still drawing the corner of her lower lip inward, she avoids his gaze just barely, a flicker of a smile on her lips when she decides to pause, pretending it's merely to admire a flower along their path but she swallows thickly, wonders if her voice sounded as airy as she thinks it must've, breath caught in her lungs til now ) 

CM: ( ; It’s certainly a reassurance, if he can even call it as such, that a wolf he respects could say that to him. Everything in him wanted to do the opposite of his alphas and betas. Be gentle, be kind, be respectful, and don’t get so attached. His birth pack was so possessive of their wolves and their rules, it was a challenge to reform it in some way. And maybe it was the wrong thing to do, to leave when he could’ve possibly changed the pack for the better. But nothing was holding him there anymore. No one’s holding something or someone over him here at Seraph, and he’d like to think he isn’t doing it to anyone either. It’s bittersweet that it took such terrible experiences to end up with this one nice one. ) I just hope I’m doing right by you guys. ( ; The wave of hunger beseeches him, along with more than one glass of water, but they’ve barely reached the forest. They’ve covered enough ground for the night, he thinks. He can continue later, and Athena doesn’t know his route anyway, so it works out. ) I appreciate it. Still doesn’t answer my question, though. ( ; He pockets his hands this time, if not for the cold, then the appearance of being ‘tight-lipped’; that he can keep it to himself. ) Mating season is around the corner. ( ; He says it like he’s reporting, like he’s expecting a wave of dismissal afterwards. But really, it’s just one of the most intimate times of the year, and they don’t have full control of themselves during. ) Are you going to be okay? 

AT: (* it’s a shame that only more recently did she think of the weight on cam’s shoulders, that he seems to carry all of this responsibility and yet he seemed so distant at times. had that been part of why she saw him as so different to the beta around her the most as she grew up? where he was overly involved, watching over her, hovering, pushing others away without her knowledge as if claiming her early, cam was unreachable at times. either on a pedestal as the irresistible beta she believes everyone likes or as a ghost because she couldn’t tell if he was fully there; maybe it’s her that isn’t ) wanting it means you’re halfway there, right? not all betas think like you (* the thought crosses her mind again, maybe if there was a beta like cam, she wouldn’t have had to leave her birth pack. then again, she’s been trying to focus more on the idea that if not for that wolf, she wouldn’t have met the wolves she knows now, wouldn’t be here ) but, you know, cam . . . you keep an eye from afar so often. it’s nice that you watch over everything and everyone while they sleep, but it means you’re by yourself a lot, right? (* he spoke to her about teamwork before but she can’t think of many times she’s seen him rely on someone first ) ah   —   i’ve been caught (* but he changes the subject for her in a manner she wouldn’t have expected from him or from anyone, especially paired with that question. she swears the only wolf she thinks would ask her that is julian ) think so. if not, in the words of a very wise wolf, i know where to find you (* brows lifting slightly, she chuckles, turning on her heels to walk backwards, gaze meeting his ) you? might be too busy for me, what a shame 

CM: Yeah, it's a start. ( ; As much as he'd like to delve further, ask why such a question even exists, he nods along instead and lets the thought pass. He probably shouldn't be prolonging topics that hit sore spots anyway. ) Hm? Yeah, I guess so. Main reason why I try not to miss breakfast and dinner with everyone. I think ninety percent of the pack would have forgotten me by now otherwise. ( ; He snorts at the thought, even though he’d probably be sadder if someone acknowledged that right to his face. It’s easier to be self-deprecating. ) Someone's gotta be the night time watch dog. ( ; He never really thinks about it like that otherwise. The routine started so many years ago that he goes out on familiar routes by muscle memory. He continues to think it's necessary, however, because he can't reason why anyone else would sacrifice their social lives for this. But the emphasis of being alone doesn't bode well with him, so he's relying on the subject change instead. But he still smiles when Athena does, and looks away when she chuckles. ) I definitely won't be too far from base. We'll be going on a trip, though. A change of scenery might be nice. Though, I’ve been meaning to ask you... ( ; He doesn’t necessarily stop walking, but he’s even slower now as he checks behind Athena and watches her movements with more clarity. ) Are you still on the pill? 

AT: (* the very idea makes her laugh, glancing over at him in disbelief ) i don’t think you’ve ever been that forgettable, cam (* she can’t even imagine it. as their beta, as, in her very honest opinion, their best looking beta, she doesn’t even think he’s forgettable from head to toe ) it’s more like . . . i’m sure the pack wishes they saw more of you than at mealtime (* but she has no room to talk, hasn’t been around much once she was able to go on missions alone and she wonders if it would change if she’s promoted back up. she’s always wanted to be useful to the pack and, somehow, it doesn’t feel like enough right now, like she’ll just melt into the background ) you always take everything on alone? mm, betas can get away with that more huh? (* she teases, though it’s true. thinking back on it, she knows there’s plenty a rank higher than her own can accomplish alone compared to her when it comes to strength. her patrolling on her own would not compare to a beta or gamma, not when it comes down to it ) ask me? (* it’s naive, she knows, to think it would be something else, to hope it’d be something else, but to be asked about the pill makes her gape for a moment, stopping in her tracks and with his slower pace, his chest is barely an arms reach and she holds her palm up to it, laughing off the moment and tugging slightly at his shirt to bring him closer ) i am, but why? worried i’m dying to give you pups?

(  FIN!!  )