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[canaidliafail]

I really wished you were the one and I’ve got no one to blame but myself for that

[canaidliafail]

Your Sadie alder fic 🤌🏽🤌🏽 art. I loved it 😭. I need moree.

⚓️anon

Im replaying rdr2 and was thinking of writing another tbh 😌💗 Im rly happy you enjoyed it

[canaidliafail]

never thought I had saviour complex until I encountered minthara

[canaidliafail]

Can I request something where Eivor and Kassandra like reader who is shy and innocent . She isn't much if a warrior but a healer, takes care of their eoulds is gentile. She also has scars was a slave.

sorry love But writing soft & innocent reader isn’t much of my type 💕 Doubt I will do that trope justice

[canaidliafail]

Way back to her pt 1/2

Minthara x F!Tav

MDI! cw: mentions of violence, Minthara is jealous & possessive. I have not changed her at all from her canon paranoid self. Sexual stuff going on here as well. Not proof read

[Tav was a knight at the Beanre household and caught Minthara’s attention forming an interesting relationship. After the Absolutes abduction she is now trying to find her way back to her]

Just a stoic statue, fit for nobody And I don't wanna get in your way

But I finally think I can say, That the vicious cycle was over, The moment you smiled at me

[1]

You always watched her. Aside from the fact that it was your job to follow her every step you went the extra mile and engaged with her in every given chance

“A knight?” you remembered her asking with a vile smirk directed her mothers way

“To protect me from whom? My siblings or you?” and the old woman shook her head in dismay

“You are a noble of the house of Beanre. You need a personal guard” Minthara turned around and walked out. You put in a lot of effort to prove yourself to no avail. She was skilled with maces and twice as good with magic. The paladin excelled in every aspect and you hardly ever had the time to show your own talents.

However there was a moment of weakness and loneliness where you found her standing atop of an old lover's corpse. another one that she had killed herself

“Are you alright?”

You rushed to her aid and she didn’t stop you nor did she lift a hand to keep you at distance. She turned to you with lowered brows and eyes like blown out candles. She was tired, emotionally

“It’s quite a lonely thing to hold this position and betrayal comes in abundance” she confessed.

“Yet you, why are you always here ?” she asked without judgment but out of pure curiosity and…despair.

“Are you in need of financial compensation? or is it my parents' graces you are trying so hard to weasel your way into?” Her voice clipped and harsh once again. She faced you and straightened her posture

“To impress you” you honestly confessed and fell on one knee. You reached out and held her hand daring to lay your forehead against her grayish skin.

“If only you would give me the chance…you would see”

you started but she cut you off with a gesture. her fingers wrapped around your cheek lifting your face to look at her. she smirked

“Keep me company tonight” your eyes widened in shock

“That would be blasphemous of me- Before you, a Noble and a high priestess- Im nothing but a mere knight.Even to dream of such privilege is a sin” she chuckled, a low raspy sound that echoed in your mind.

“That’s for me to decide. Call the maids. tell them to clean this mess and then meet me at my private chambers. At night, you belong to me alone”

A new relationship was formed. One void of all emotion and filled with carnal pleasure. You savored the touch of her flesh beneath her fingers and basked in the glory of her naked body on top of yours. You were quick to learn what she liked. She came undone when you stroked her ears and would shiver when you pulled her hair. She didn’t necessarily like it rough. She liked passion and whatever that entailed which was a stark contrast to what you thought she would be. Fortunately though it perfectly aligned with your needs

Felt as if you two were molded for each other. However you knew that it was within her rights to be courted by many and you were merely someone to fill the gaps in between the searches for what was real.

Yet for some reason, she never ventured away. She started seeking out your presence even when it wasn't necessary. Through that bond you found a new side of Minthara, a more mischievous one. During important gatherings she would wear a skin tight dress with high slits exposing her thighs and cut down low showing the curve of her chest. At first you were sure it had to do with court appropriate attire and looking for suitors. You quickly figured out how naive you were. It all took one glance her way across the table. You stood straight as a rod with your hands on your sheathed sword when her lips twitched in what was a ghost of a smile and her legs spread on her velvet chair with the fabric falling from her thighs to her corr barely covering what was beneath it. However she showed you something entirely different. From her exposed ashy thighs you noticed she wore no undergarments beneath her dress and when you realized that you nearly lost your balance. You stood across from her yet you could smell her desire and it made you dizzy. Judging from everyone around you they all were confused and delighted, hoping that this show was directed to them but Minthara never broke contact with you.

That night you would have her scream your name when you were knuckles deep in her wet aching pussy. She bit and scratched and kept repeating the same words “You are mine”

“You belong to me”

And to your knowledge those words didn’t extend beyond your position as a knight. However she would confuse you the next day when you would awake first and rush to get ready. At first she just watched. however a few weeks later she would ask you to stay with her and help her get dressed and after a month she would claw her nails in your back commanding you to indulge her and keep her in your embrace. she buried her face in your chest and nuzzled her nose in the exposed skin. You laid frozen still. It felt familiar to a cat’s affection that would vanish after an abrupt movement.

One night you remembered waking up to a peculiar sight and a devastating bellyache. She held a bottle of poison in her hand and a wet towel in the other pressed against your forehead tending to you “Minthara what did you-”

“You need to become immune to poison. This is training” She said matter-of-factly as if it was the most logical thing to hear

“Fuck are you-why?”

She left the bottle on her nightstand and lowered herself on your thighs wetting the towel every now and then making sure it stayed cool while your temperature started rising.You started coughing and you felt like throwing up.

“What in God's name was in that thing-” you coughed again and tried to sit up not even sure how to take any of the shit unraveling before you

“You want me dead?”

She shook her head and pushed you down, immune to your tantrums “I want to keep you by my side and unfortunately people will come at you just for that. I need to make sure you can handle the easiest way to kill you”

“Easiest?” you yelled. She cocked a brow to you and you almost felt bad for your very much justified tone

“A drop in your drink or food and you are gone just like that” She said and snapped her fingers in your face. You stopped trying to reason with her as her shape started to wobble and you could hardly keep your eyes open. She stayed with you. The next morning you noticed that she had the antidote ready right next to the poison along with her spellbook gifted from lolth. If things went south she was ready. It took a couple of months of you waking up to such endeavors. One was a knife on your neck, the other with some new vile liquid down your throat. Yet with each attempt you grew less angry and more understanding.

She was a noble and a knight who could die in their sleep was no good to her or to anyone. You began to appreciate her effort and surprised her with a knife pulled at her own throat after trained caution. She smiled with relief and tossed her weapon on the side of the bed while you hid yours beneath the pillows and furs. She wrapped her arms around your neck and kissed your lips with so much fervor that they felt bruised when you two parted.

“Seems like you have been paying more attention than I thought. Im flattered”

“I just hope you aren’t as tending to all the knights as you are to me”

“Jealous?” she teased and you laughed looking away. Yes you fucking were. You couldn’t understand her.

Not this.

“You have very delicate movements for a warrior” you smiled as you sat behind her braiding her hair and leaned down to kiss her naked shoulders. she sighed in content and leaned back against your chest.

“Give me your hand soldier” she commanded softly and you reached around laying her hand in her grasp. she traced the fine lines of your palm

“A long life of fortune but solitude” she started “Is what they told me when they looked at mine, yet in yours there are many roads and many paths. I’ve never met such a free spirit so willingly caged” you smiled and buried your nose in her hair carefully not to get carried away and leave a kiss in an already too tender moment for what you two actually were.

“I broke out of most of my chains” you whispered “but this one…” you trailed on and held her in your arms “oh please let this one remain”

You would never find out what she thought of your confession. The absolute messengers came and she hung their bodies in her garden. Her curiosity got the better of her and one night she vanished and was never seen again.

[2]

Lae’zel reminded you of your love. That was your first impression of the Githyanki warrior. She was bold, straight to the point with her words and as strong headed and distrusting as Minthara. You knew how to approach feline looking people thanks to her.

“Who is this drow you are chasing so fondly?” she asked and surprised you. Shadowheart and Astarion paused their conversation and turned your way.

You looked away at the fireplace and let out a sigh

“When did you-“

“You saw my fears about my Queen and left an opening for me to explore your mind. Felt only fair to know something of you however I expected more than…a woman” she said and you couldn't distinct whether the dryness in her tone came from unfamiliarity or from disappointment

“She isn’t just any woman…Many..many years ago I was a knight working for a family of Noble drows in menzoberranzan” you started and quickly darted your eyes around to notice everyone expecting to hear more. Granted you were the only one left who never shared anything but their name to the team so their curiosity was justified. Even Gale peeked from his tent pretending to fix his perfectly working night lanterns

“I was the Queen's knight during the trials and once my skill was recognised I was assigned the position of guarding one of her daughters. The second one in line…But one day the Absolute kidnapped her. I can’t believe I overlooked that part of her…how strong her curiosity was”

you said and lowered your head lost in your own thoughts and shadowheart chuckled snapping you out of it

“That doesn’t sound like a knight who failed at her job but like a lover who lost their partner” you looked up at her with softer eyes and a hardened heart

“She was someone I loved” you didn’t expect to sound so sharp but the surprise in her face mirrored your feelings “I didn’t mean to make you-“

“It’s fine. I wasn’t hiding it really. I have been looking for her.Or was at least…until my capture. The rest, you know the rest…Looking for a cure is a priority but I won't lie and act like I wasn’t looking for clues of her whereabouts' ' you finished and the silence that followed was unbearable. You almost wished Lae’zel would find something to argue over to lighten the mood

“How do you know she is alive?”

“Because she is the strongest warrior I’ve met. Nothing can break her”

I hope so at least- you thought to yourself terrified to say that last bit out loud.You remembered her in leather blood soaked armor, the blood of her sibling from one of their asassination attempts and you also remembered her telling you of her own mothers attempt on taking her life. Yet she smiled with a glint in her eyes and would say -let them try- and would lay her head on your naked chest and then-

your head snapped up once the thoughts vanished and you looked around realizing it was shadowheart this time who peered into your mind. She was unable to look at you with cheeks flushed as she stood up and curtly excused herself

you took a bite out of the roasted meat you had on a stick. It was dry, tasteless and if you thought a bit longer on where that meat even came from you may have used the same stick to lobotomize yourself

“How romantic” Astarion trailed on in a sing song voice and got up and get the lyre you all found earlier that day “If you pluck a tune you won’t leave to see the daylight” Lae’zel threatened sick of his terrible music skills that filled your travel these past few days

“Awh, so mean” he pursed his lips and put the lyre away like a wet cat.

“Let’s head to bed. There’s a goblin camp nearby. Worth to look for a healer there as well”

“Goblins are fun, We might even drink a glass of wine or two” Astarion agreed. You shrugged and tossed your stick on the firepit and went to your tent trying to get comfortable. You heard rustling outside and footsteps and watched the silhouette of a woman outlined behind the fabric

“yes? shadowheart?”

She stepped in and kneeled beside you

“I don’t understand why are you giving yourself to a woman who only used you to satiate her own sexual appetite”

“I was willing to accept anything she would give to me. Any part of her however small”

“and now ? Are you hoping she will look at you differently if you find her and save her ?”

you shook your head and chuckled

“You know I'd love to say no but it’s been so long since I’ve had a royal stick up my ass to prevent me from having these thoughts that I may very well accept them. But that’s not why you are here love, is it?”

you asked and she smirked “I won’t judge you for keeping secrets from me since I haven’t been open myself however if those are of an old love then I believe I am allowed to have a peek” you smiled and watched her sit on top of you straddling your thighs with her own her hands on your neck as she planted soft kisses on your jaw and cheek

“Hm, are you? As far as I am concerned we shared a drink and a night and you pulled away. This newfound interest surprises me” she smiled

“This could be something more eventually, maybe someday. However as we are now with many things unresolved it’s best if we stick to what we have”

you felt pressured. You disliked the expectation that hung loosely in the air. You refused to move on from Minthara. Not until you found her at least and took her back to her home safely. It was your duty not as a knight but as someone who genuinely loved her. However the rest was entirely in her hands. If she would reject you or continue your pact of carnal pleasure.

“Shadowheart I do enjoy you and your company but I am not-“

“I know” she said and you smiled, relaxing a bit beneath her embrace. You turned the two of you around and let her spend the night in your camp.

[3]

The Goblin camp was grotesque as you thought it’d be. There was a bard fighting for dear life to entertain the crowd with poor stories and pitiful jokes and in the distance you could see goblins chasing around an owl ear cub. Your heart ached for the animal and you left a mental note to see if you could do something about the situation.

“Isn’t this…Volo? The clown from the druids grove?” Astarion whispered in your ear and you choked back a laugh

“A bard not a clown”

“He makes it exceptionally hard to tell the two apart” he said dismissively and walked past the show looking around. You didn’t exactly know where to begin. Nettie tried to kill you but spoke of a healer that was captured here. Then there was the goblin Sazza, who said they had their own healer. Priestess soul gut. Was worth giving both a shot assuming you wouldn’t die in the process

“Shall we take a look?” Shadowheart chirped in

“You really think they will just let us walk around in there? It’s a prison”

“We are wasting time here. We should be looking for the crèche” Lae’zel hissed at both of you

“We will Lae’zel but let’s exhaust all of our options. We didn’t have an easy time before, I don’t see why that would change now” You waved Astarion over who was already happily day drinking and he swung his hips your way in a way that put you to shame. Maybe he could teach you a thing or two about walking with more grace and suave.

You pushed against the heavy wooden doors and walked past the broken statues of Selune. Two guard stopped you

“Where do you think you are going?”

“We have an audience with your Leader” Astarion took charge. You all agreed that he could be more persuasive and charming than the three of you combined.

“Which one? Priestess Soul Gut, The Drow or Dror Ragzlin?”

“That would be-”

“The drow” you pushed him away gently with a hand on his chest and stepped forward. There was no reason for a drow to be in such places. Unheard of to say the least. You could feel through your tadpole your companions slow understanding of your impulsive reaction all the while the guard was oblivious to your inner turmoil

“Alright then just know she is an uptight one. A great leader though I’ll give her that much”

You walked inside and since no one seemed keen on giving directions you had to take a look around yourself trying to look self assured and non threatening. Luckily, You could make a stop before your search since the Priestess was in front of you and Astarion took it upon himself to converse with her. Impatient as you were, you started looking around and behind the stage where the priestess sat were bars with Spiders inside. You recognized them as Lolth sworn companions. You were dangerously ecstatic in the moment. A lolth sworn drow was leading this camp.

What are the fucking odds

A hand fell on your shoulder and you were jolted back to the present. You turned around to look at Astarion who was seething with anger “Useless. Let’s find the prisoner” He whispered and you made your way up around the halls

“This is futile. How are we supposed to find anything or anyone in this wreck” Lae’zel barked “Calm yourself” shadowheart teased enjoying her suffering.

“Why won’t he speak?!” You heard an argument somewhere far in the distance. You turned to look at the dim light corridor and made your way there forgetting to inform your companions of your detour. You could have sworn you recognized the gravel and rasp of that voice so you treaded carefully inside. You were greeted by a scrying eye that made you take several steps back in surprise and alarm

“Your inadequacy will be punished!” Her tone started rising amongst her anger

“No I can find a way”

“I’ve heard enough. My spiders will be pleased with tonight’s dinner”

From where you stood, behind the dustier shelves of a library and across a fragile wooden bridge you could see Minthara in gold plated armor and black leather engulfing her lean,toned figure beautifully. She wore maces strapped on her back and her beautiful hair was gathered in a rushed low bun with untamed strands.

Her red eyes met yours and with a flick of her wrist the goblin was pushed by a force down in the spider-it with its screams a last reminder of its existence. Your companions silently walked up behind you following you inside in confusion.

“Another true soul” She greeted with a mischievous smile. This wasn’t the woman you knew years ago that was certain. Yet you couldn’t pinpoint what was different. The bloodthirst was as prevalent as always after all

“Minthara?” You asked and tried to hold your voice steady

“I see you know me. Good. I assumed nothing less from another true soul. Join my hunt. We are preparing a raid against the Tiefling grove if we manage to locate its whereabouts”

“The tiefling grove ? You mean the Druid one ? Tieflings took refuge there” You started and her eyes shone

“You know about it?” She spoke quietly now and took a step closer

“Be my eyes” and you felt the cold featherlight touch tapping around your mind looking for entrance which you granted thoughtlessly

“I see. Pathetic but smart to make camp amongst the desperate” she said and turned around with her arms crossed behind her back

“I’ll gather a raiding party. You will go inside as a friend and when I send a signal you will open the gates”

“It shall be done” You said with practiced obedience

“Then until tomorrow” she dismissed and you looked behind you wondering if she was trying to hold face amongst strangers. She was paranoid and distrusting and that was etched on her bones.

“Give us a moment” you asked and they nodded

“We will wait for you outside then”

Shadowheart confirmed with you and they left. Minthara turned around and cocked a brow eyeing you from head to toe

“Something unclear about my instructions?”

“Don’t you recognize me?”

“No. Am I supposed to?” She asked and spread her legs a tad straightening her posture. You were 20 again and you were back in Menzoberranzan, a newly recruited knight to the second daughter of the house of Beanre. A human amongst Drows and royalty. A nobody

You were 31 now, yet you weren’t in the present at all

“I suppose not. I must have mistaken you for somebody else” You answered crestfallen. She smiled and took a step closer, hands firmly crossed behind her back

“I’m curious about you though. There’s a sense of familiarity that you bring that I’d like to explore once this is over” She stepped in your space with a hand on your chest tracing the fine lines of your embroidered jacket while another hand caressed your mind filling it with a well known image of a kiss on your lips that lead to another on your neck.

“Then join me at my camp. Let’s talk”

She laughed “If you prove useful and bring victory to us then I might celebrate with you.Otherwise I see no reason to entangle myself with someone who will not live as long as I am planning to”

Valid. So you pushed against her mind and let her feel your breath on her skin, on her stomach as your lips kissed lower and licked a stripe down the coarse hair of her cunt and she grew flustered to your surprise, shutting off the connection immediately.

you both pulled away simultaneously and her eyes found yours. She was on fire

“I expect nothing less than victory tomorrow”

“You will have it”

You found your companions and they stared at you waiting for answers. Lae’zel cut the tension short

“It’s her. I recognized her face from the woman in your thoughts. Only well, older”

You nodded “And she had no idea who I was. I don’t know what these fucking tadpoles have done to her brain or what the absolute is doing as we speak but I will have my revenge if I can’t have her back” you said shaking from anger your eyes glued on the ground unable to form a coherent thought. There was an ache from arousal and a headache from the confusion

“Calm yourself, soldier. All in due time, apparently we now have to raid a grove”

Shadowheart reminded you and you bit your lip in anger. She was right. You waited for six years, you could wait a bit more.

[4]

“Your obedience will make this more enjoyable. For both of us” she declared and you followed her inside the wrecked altair sitting in the offering table. She smiled and settled in between your legs wrapping her arms around your neck

“What do you want ?”

“I want you” you whispered breathlessly at the sight of her. “You shall have me then” she answered and went to undress herself. You were growing impatient and desperate and so you reached around at the strings of her top

“May I do this for you?”

she smiled and placed her arms on your shoulders inviting you in. You lowered your head leaving kisses on her sternum while slowly and gently unfastening her top and letting it fall from her torso exposing her chest. Your hands caressed her back and one went to her ears fondling the spot causing her to shake and reward you with a soft moan. she guided your other hand lower and you palmed her cunt giving it a soft squeeze to which she gasped and her head fell on your shoulder “You are exquisite” you whispered in her ear and slid a hand beneath the leather fabric teasing her clit with a finger from over her underwear. To your delight she was soaking wet and you couldn’t hold back your smirk of arrogance “Take it as a compliment soldier” she said with allure and you

You knew what she liked, you had studied her better than your oath and she seemed surprised every time your fingers twitched and moved in a way that made her elicit the loudest moans. she straddled your lap and you tore her underwear impatient and thrusted one finger in with ease. You felt painfully aroused by how readily she was taking you in. Her eyes and skin glistened with tears and sweat as you picked up your pace and she chased her release which you took the initiative to deny her from. She frowned in confusion and spiked anger

“I want you on my mouth, please” You begged and the smile returned to her lips

“Won’t deny either of us from such pleasure” she said and moved up as your back hit the cold stone surface. Your arms slid beneath her thighs and hauled her over your face in one fell swoop which she gasped in surprise not expecting your eagerness. You thrusted her down and your tongue split her folds and licked a fat stripe from her hole up to her clit. She moaned your name and her hands dug in your hair tugging at it demanding more. Sharp nails dug in your scalp while you started slowly at first needing to show her that at this point you knew her body better than she did.Needing her to understand that you knew what she needed and when. You applied pressure with your tongue and sucked on her clit and looked up at the sight above you. She was ecstatic and her thighs began to shake and that was enough for you to feel a new wave of wetness coat your pants.

She surprised you by turning around and sitting down on your face once again “Back to work” she commanded and swiftly moved her hands to your aching cunt. she grinded her hips against her face and you continued eating her out in earnest.

She slid her hands beneath her undergarments and started stroking you nice and slow matching your pace.

You struggled now trying to focus on making her cum while also having the divine feeling of her fingers in you, distracting you from the task at hand. You thrust your tongue in her opening lapping at her wetness and she folded over you as her orgasm hit her. You weren’t too far off, with two swift strokes your own hitting you and releasing a low groan at the wave of pleasure. Her wetness was hot on your tongue and you swallowed it all desperate to have more of her on you, in you. You had missed her yet despite having her tonight this reunion felt underwhelming…cold…

She slowly lifted her hips off your face and turned around with your arm, steading her and pulling her back in your embrace. She complied with your silent request and laid her head on your collar bones.

She closed her eyes and left her mind open enough for a small piece of it to bleed into your own and you sensed fear and alarm. You wanted so badly to take a look, to understand her, to find an answer and this newfound tadpole connection was a terrible weapon. You refused to use it on her though. She mattered too much and you knew how fragile her trust was.

So instead you kissed her and she smiled seemingly snapping out of her thoughts

“It's eerily silent here with you, without the Absolutes influence in my mind. I’m not sure what to make of it”

You had a simple answer to that question. One that you unfortunately could not give. Not the way that she was now

“I’m not sure what you are alluding to Minthara” You tried to fake offense and she seemed concerned. Scared and cornered and your heart shattered at the sight.

What have they done to you?

You wanted to scream in agony and despair of not knowing what changed and how they broke her this way. Minthara was not only unbreakable but she wouldn’t bend either yet now there were only fragments of her and it made your heart wrench in pain.

“You are right, I should not question the Absolute..I..We will talk tomorrow about our next move. I need to pray and ask for forgiveness” She abruptly stood up and turned her back on you. Whatever spark you had going on vanished in a split second.

[5]

Minthara Beanre murdered her way out of the womb. She was violent in nature and kind words did not come easy nor did she have any to spare. As she grew more attached to you however she felt them threaten to spill. She loved watching you in the dim misty mornings under the pale light and she would show her most vulnerable self when you were asleep. She would kiss your jaw and forehead and would you in her embrace, your head laid on her naked chest while she buried her face in your hair taking in your scent. She was growing obsessed and paranoid

Banquets and parties were frequent in the Beanre household. Nobles loved holding luxurious gatherings to hold business meetings. Usually minthara kept you close. She sometimes didn’t mind you straying away for a few minutes until she noticed the daughter of another family approaching you.

She never understood why you were -nice-

it was unnecessary and she made a mental note to order you against such behavior.

She was significantly younger than Minthara and had a look of effortless cluelessness as she smiled at you and asked questions. You patiently guided her around the environment and Minthara took a second to wonder if perhaps that’s the type of woman you prefered.

Someone softer in nature.

However, that faded the moment she saw the girl lay a hand on your shoulder and ever so softly dig her red painted nails in the gold plate of your armor.

she walked up to you and called out your name and you immediately turned around and looked at her concerned. You pulled away and was in front of her holding her hand in yours and the other ready on your sheathed sword

“Is everything alright?” she smiled.

Loyal as a pup

“You are getting distracted. Come. I have a meeting to attend”

she commanded and you followed no questions asked.

That night the young Nobles family received her fingernails, all 10 of them red in paint and in blood in a box while the Beanre household turned a blind eye and feigned ignorance to the vile screams that filled the halls when Minthara got creative with her warning and torture

no one touched what was hers

She went to her chambers that night and her heart swelled with warmth when she saw your naked body in her bed covered in furs and blankets. One day, she would carve her name on your back and would imprint her seal on your chest and claim you as hers. One day, when she wouldn’t be so scared to open up and perhaps more sure of your feelings towards her. She was sure you loved the comforts she provided and she knew you weren’t scared of the dangers that surrounded your position. Yet something more intimate ? She couldn’t possibly know.

She undressed and laid next to you getting under the heavy blankets and pressed her body against yours. In sync and out of habit you buried your face in the crook of her neck and she pulled you closer. She kissed your temple and gently whispered

“Allurssrin…”

[canaidliafail]

what she brings out of me

sadie adler x f!reader

4.5 k words MDI

old piece that isn’t proof read but I wanted to post it. Sort of canon compliant for 1/7 of the story so read at your own risk + bad english ahead. enjoy

hunting with Hosea was a chore more often than not but the man raised you to be the hunter that you are now and you were willing to tolerate the withered old man. He had his fun but he couldn’t do the miles he did before and his aim left much to be desired. But he kept you company and gave you maps for all the legendary animals he wanted to see and you, to catch.

That winter while you sought out shelter and a temporary camp while leaving blackwater,he was more prickly than usual.He insisted you stay in and help Pearston skin and cook the animals and man were you a shitty cook.

Pearston decided he would let you sneak out to hunt being the greedy drunk fool that he was so long as you brought something other than vegetables for the crew to eat.

You had barely managed to mount your horse when Arthur came back with Dutch and the rest with a new guest. a woman, frightened like a rabbit, shaking from the cold and the grief judging from her tear stained cheeks

the crowd came in with questions and she shrunk in herself stepping behind Dutch. You hitched your horse back and half ran your way to them

“This is Ms. Adler. Abigail help her out, she's had a rough night” he said and Abigail approached the woman who seemed reluctant to move from her spot as everyone discussed what took place. fed up with the situation you pushed the others away clearing a path for her and stopped beside Abigail

“Christ people give her some air can't you see she’s frightened?” You commanded and they lowered their heads, hats covering their eyes.

The three of you made your way back into the cabin and left it up to Abigail to talk to the woman.

Men widowed her that night and took everything else with them, money,silver, dignity….

the night was grim and you could hear her weep quietly, mourning her lost husband till daylight hit and she passed out from exhaustion. You woke up first and made coffee and left one by her bunk bed with a note

You probably won’t have much appetite but try to consume some liquids at least

Throughout your whole stay there you never conversed any further than a tip of the hat when you entered the cabin at night and a soft sigh when you replaced her untouched plate and cup in the morning.

You felt for her despite not knowing what it meant to lose a husband. You didn’t know what it meant to even have a husband in the first place

But your heart still ached to see such a lovely woman stripped of all joy and light

•••

“a 1000 pound bear and you thought we could take her out with our piss poor rifles?!” You asked bewildered and glanced at Arthur who had much more patience than you that day, which said a lot. Hosea passed him the map with a hand over his heart still scared and in shock how quickly he came face to face with death

“Ill head back…You two gonna chase after that thing are are you coming with?”

“coming with. Arthur its all yours” You said and mounted your house and he did the same

“Had enough entertainment for now. Let’s head back” He agreed and you all three started the two day journey back talking about everything and how everyone was settling in

“By the way, Karen has been asking for you again”

“hm?” you looked up at Arthur. Of course she was. you leave for a few days and she is looking for you again to let out some steam. You stay at camp and she won’t bat an eye your way. You took little offense however simply enjoying that you had someone to have your fun with when no one was looking

“Ill go by her tent later…” you mumbled

“Speaking of can you keep some company to Ms. Adler as well? You two have a spunky spirit and might lift her up a bit”

Sadie Adler had continued her daily routine of wandering off to the far end of the camp sitting on the rocks and crying. You caught her talking to Abigail more than anyone else and despite wanting to get close to the woman you had no idea how to approach her

“Ill…see what I can do”

you agreed and continued silently too tired to indulge in small talk

you arrived at the hideout the next evening. Arthur took off shortly to go back to blackwater for a lead on some members that stayed behind

You bathed in the dreadfully cold river and made it back to your tent combing your hair into two braids, putting on a clean pair of jeans with a shirt to go out and see if there was any coffee or herbs to make tea.

Your caught Sadie with the corner of your eye sitting by the rocks looking off into the distance and decided to give it your best shot. At this point you were the only woman who had not talked to her and it felt rude

you grabbed two chapped mugs and poured whatever hot liquid was available and made your way to her

“Evening Ms. Adler” she looked up at you

“Good evening”

“Mind if I keep you some company?” you said pushing the warm cup in her direction which she took without protest and schooched to the side giving you space. You sat next to her and looked at the dim light from the sparse fire pits enjoying the cracking of wood and soft unison of voices talking in the background

“Listen Im sure everyone had asked how you are doing so I won’t try to remind you of that but, I hope you are finding your stay with us of some comfort”

you said and dared a fearful look at her admiring her untamed blonde hair and freckled nose. A second longer and you may have found yourself in love with a widow so you turned your sights back on the coals and fire in the distance

“As much as I'd rather be left alone, its nice to have some company” she confessed and you nod, waiting to see if she had anything else to say. With a shaky voice she continued

“I just wish my Jacky was here with me. He was a good man you know, better than anyone out there”

your lips thinned almost feeling her anger. Karen passed in front of you in the distance quirking a brow indicating she would be waiting for you tonight

“I just wish it was me in his place. I feel so lost”

you brought your attention back to her and slowly pressed a hand against her back gently moving it in circles. she leaned into your touch and you felt her breath stutter

“I wish I could take my own life…but i’m not brave enough to do even that” you matched your breathing with her own pulling her closer silently trying to calm her down the minute you felt her shoulders shake

“To be brave is to keep on going. To keep on living” you quietly offered your thoughts and she shook her head tears falling again

“I don’t know…”

you kept caressing her back

“Keep on living Adler. Show those fuckers what you’re made of”

You said boldly and she turned to look at you surprised. she seemed to consider your words and then your face. maybe both. You knew you weren’t good at this but you were satisfied to see the tears stop and her features soften

You smiled and hesitantly tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear and then stood up

“We are here for you. Take your time to grieve the man. He is worth it” she nod and took in a deep breath looking into the distance, taking a sip from her tea “Thank you for listening” your shrugged “least I can do for a pretty lady. Should you ever seek company my tent is open” you said and saw a soft smile graced her lips for the first time before she turned away. Remorse hit you quick and hard realizing you accidentally just made a pass at her and felt shame drown you.

with a tip of your hat you excused yourself.

You feared you had messed up, spoke too soon and maybe with too much ignorance. You prayed she’d brush your words off. Its not like anyone even considered that a woman could flirt with a woman.

You sought out Karen and her willing touch that night. You forgot yourself in the pleasure of her spread legs and let her soft gasps fill your mind.

However the next day you were surprised to see Sadie with her hair braided and her shirt tucked in neatly with a lovely brown straw hat shielding her face from the sun. she went to pour coffee and caught you staring and for the first time greeted you first with a smile

•••

Days turned into weeks and Sadies curt greetings turned to small talk that turned into long conversation and eventually she took interest in your role with the gang asking of your trips

“a huntress?”

you felt pride in your chest. sure women weren’t expected to do much but you loved that you challenged that standard from a young age

“I feel I am of more use with a bow in the wild than with pins and needles”

“What's up with you managing to have every woman all over you?” Arthur asked one day and you laughed pushing him away with a soft punch on his arm

“Its my talent”

“and here I thought that laid in hunting animals. ‘s that why we’ve been starving lately?”

he asked meaning no harm and you saw his crooked grin and the softness in his eyes, crinkling with wrinkles

“shut up arthur. Don't you have a train to rob or something?”

“my bad, I won’t take any more of your precious time with Ms. Adler”

You also quickly found out Sadie had a sharp tongue and a short temper. Her strength and quip was overshadowed by her grief before but slowly it raised to the surface and more people took interest in her. She grew more familiar with Arthur and her long skirts were slowly replaced by the occasional tight black jeans that accentuated her assets even better

Some nights she was still haunted by nightmares and you took it upon yourself to invite her to your tent. You talked for a while and when she tried to excuse herself you stopped her and patted the side of your bunk bed

“You can sleep here for tonight”

“and you?” you laughed “Ill also sleep here. Never had a sleepover with a friend before?”

“Not like that you prick” she said and laid next to you. Her eyes widened, noticing she was a little too close than she calculated. you held her by the waist guiding her “turn around for me” you whispered and she obliged. You pressed your chest against her back and held her like that and felt her tense shoulders slowly relax only to stiffen again when you spoke again close to her

“Goodnight Sadie”

“goodnight”

It only happened once but after that night You often caught yourself admiring her, those warm brown eyes, the raspy voice that gave you goosebumps and when no one paid you attention you shamelessly eyed her figure.

“You are no better than a man,huntress” Karen teased and leaned next to you against the tree. You chuckled and glanced at her “jealous?”

“you wish” she said. It didn’t go past you that she wore a dress that exposed her chest nicely yet it did little to arouse you and in horror you realized your mind drifted over to Sadie and how nicely she tucked in her shirt leaving no more than two buttons open barely exposing her collar bones

“The boys are going out for some job” she said leaving the invitation and you smirked looking down at her

“Hm…Maybe Ill join them”

“or..” she said and carefully flattened her palms against your chest pretending to fix your bandana for you “you can join me instead” she looked up at you with doe eyes and your lip twitched in a smile. She left swaying her hips and you let your gaze linger for a second before looking up. Sadie stood there with an unspoken question in her eyes and then cocked a brow in challenge.

you took two cigarettes out of your pocket and she approached you accepting your offer. she placed the stick in her lips and you motioned her to come closer.

her head tilted in confusion and you carefully pulled her in by the back of your head till the ends of your cigarettes touched and lit them both in one go

you tucked the lighter back in your pants and she took in a long puff in thought “You seem closer to Karen than the rest. Does your friendship go back in time?”

you laughed at the innocent and awfully unsuspecting question and decided to test the waters

“Friends ? Hardly, we are close though. In different ways” she seemed even more puzzled “Everytime you answer my questions I end up more lost and confused than I was before”

“Maybe I'm just that bad at conversing with others” she chuckled, a low raspy giggle almost “You give yourself too little credit. Had it not been for those coffees you left and your company Id probably still be on that rock crying” you smiled

“Glad I could help” you continued to smoke in silence and you inspected her clothes your eyes falling on the yellow brooch tied around her neck

“That's a nice brooch” she looked down and smiled “thanks. One of the few good things I own”

“Oh don't say that. You have a lovely sense of fashion darling” you held the ornament in your fingers leaning closer feeling her breath fan your cheeks. Something shifted and it wasn't even anymore. you looked up and saw her completely focused on your every movement catching her eyes that were stuck on your lips. Flattered, a cocky smile escaped you.

There was a tense moment that snapped from Peaston calling out to everyone informing them that dinner and drinks were ready.

You both pulled away from each other abruptly and pushed yourself off the tree patting your pants and dusting them off

“Will you join us?” you asked and she shrugged “Was about time I did”

•••

You were drunk. Way too fucking drunk.

“shit how many…” you tried to look around and count how many glasses of whiskey you had. everything was spinning and buzzing. Karen and Mary-beth were singing and you clumsily joined. Sadie sat next to you cracking a joke here and there but still was mostly quiet listening to all of you and sometimes laughing. Karen laid her head on your shoulder and her hand fell on your thigh beneath the table going upwards and staying there fondling your thigh. Too drunk to care if Sadie was looking, you indulged her sensual move and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

unbeknownst to you Sadie withdrew from you slightly and confused looked at the pair of you her frown growing deeper as Karens hand traveled higher eventually tugging at the metal belt clasp

amidst the chaos- which you were uncertain if there was any due to your drunken state- you remembered getting up and escaping to the quieter place of the camp, then your hands were on Karens hips and her lips on your neck biting and sucking and everything else was a blur

had you been slightly more sober you would have noticed that you weren’t completely hidden. Because Sadie was interested in you in ways she couldn’t explain and she was out looking for you that night. And she unfortunately caught a glimpse of your nasty sexual endeavors with the other woman who you had so willingly pinned against the tree and who elicited the most pornographic sounds

•••

Sadie caught herself interested in you. She liked the fact that you were a huntress and she liked more that you took little pity on her state and gave her solid motivation to get back on track with her life. She realized she chased your polite compliments when she wore a new accessory or when she braided her hair.

but to feel like this towards a woman? how?

she questioned and doubted it immediately believing it was the grief that made her lose her mind. That was until she saw you devouring karen in the deep of the forest. Something woke within her. fiery jealousy and heat bloomed in her chest and her core ached.

She-at first- was convinced she was repulsed by the act, finding it vulgar. than she thought that she was simply taken aback by it but not in an unpleasant way. eventually she decided to sleep frustrated and confused, unable to understand what she felt.

two days later she sought out Karen who seemed very eager to tease and taunt her

“What a voyeuristic eye that you have Adler”

“Are the two of you in a relationship?”

she laughed, loud enough to almost make her feel humiliated and stupid as if the answer was obvious

“Gods no! I mean I know she only likes women but I don’t care for things like that”

“only women?”

“If you ever find yourself with too much frustration pay her a visit. In my opinion every woman should feel her tongue” Sadies eyes widened and then she shook her head in disappointment

“Ill find other ways to keep myself busy” she barked growing angry with Karens games

“Suit yourself. I'm just saying that I trained her well” and with that she left. Sadie was angry. Jealous.She saw Karen marking her territory and she didn’t like that

why does she try to claim something that isnt hers

She avoided you on purpose for the upcoming days and she hated seeing your confusion and visible pain to her dismissive attitude

You once tried to approach her more boldly and in her spitefulness she spat

“what's up with you? Nothing to do?”

You huffed out a frustrated breath and crossed your arms standing in front of her.

“Ive thought about it a lot and it all boils down to you probably finding out I swing the other way”

“I did find out”

you nodded in repeat looking away and she saw your jaw tense and your brows lower “well Fuck me then” you hissed exasperated

“Id like to be alone” she said with a low growl and you scoffed “Really Sadie? Am I that disgusting to you now that you won’t even say goodmorning to me?” you raised your tone and she stood up “Don't you use that tone on me”

“or what?!” she stared at you long and hard. You were the first to break contact and took a step back, arms swinging softly

“You know what Sadie? You wanna be alone ? then be fucking alone” she watched as you turned your back on her and left immediately regretting how sbe handled that conversation.

She didn’t see you for a week after that. That week she herself was busy with her first bounty hunt and she could hardly be happy about it. Her stomach felt like she’d swallowed stones and her throat was dry.

and when you came back it was with Arhur, Hosea and another woman. Someone you rescued on your recent bounty hunt who was as lost as she once was. You attention was on the hurt woman keeping her company making sure she felt secure with your group of people

“Listen we ain’t good but we ain’t them either” you consoled an arm around her shoulders soothing her and Sadie had enough of it. She approached you with heavy steps the heel of her boots digging into the dirt

“I wanna talk to you”

you looked up and the girl in your arms seemed intimidated by her. Sadie disliked that she seemed threatening to an innocent person but her focus was on you and you alone

you silently questioned her, eyes wide, jaw tense as if saying really?! now?!

she stood her ground until you gave in and followed her back to your tent where you could have some privacy

“You wanted to talk? speak”

“Why do you have to be like that?” she asked annoyed and you shook your head defeated “Like what hon? I am around you and you are repulsed, I give you space and you are equally unsatisfied. The hell do you want from me, woman?!”

“I just needed time! Time!” she emphasized the words and you sat down knowing your knees were too weak to handle this unprovoked attitude

“time? for what?” You tried peacefully and truly exhausted knowing someone had to be tame or this conversation wouldn’t go far without resulting in you pulling a gun to each others head

“Christ I- I just was confused. I didn’t know a woman could look at a woman like that”

“And why does it concern you?” you asked and she seemed taken aback. Why indeed

Because I considered you that way too

she came to the conclusion her tongue numb and heavy, unable to speak these words out loud.

She hated how quickly you caught on and in a delightfully predatory way she watched you stand up and approach her, circling her like a vulture

“Sadie did you hate that I look at women like that or did you hate that you weren’t one of those women?”

the hair on the back of her neck rose and heat pooled in her stomach again. A feeling she thought had surely died with her late husband yet here it was.

“I wasn't?” she asked, her confidence faltering. She was sure she caught you staring at her chest, her lips, her hips at first not questioning the wandering gaze until she put the puzzle pieces together to figure out the reason behind it

your hands were on her shoulders running up and down the length of her arms slowly

“Would you like to be?” she turned around and as if in a dance sequence your hands fell on her neck to pull her in for a hungry kiss

She could feel how starved you were in the way your lips pressed against hers tasting her, imprinting the feel of her skin against hers. She returned the notion with equal fervor if not with more and was reluctant to be the one to submit. her hands landed on your hips pulling you in and she was shocked to find how right this position felt. how velvety your tongue felt against her own and how your skin molded into her palms becoming one.

she pulled away to take in a few deep and heavy breaths looking at you and was pleased to find you putty in her arms, to see the mighty huntress small, fragile and ready to do anything she would ask you to

“Do I awaken something in you Sadie?” You asked and held her closer, your arms wrapped around her neck and she responded by kissing you again loving the power and control she had. The passion melted into something more gentle, affectionate and tender and when you pulled away the second time she held your cheek in her hand caressing the flushed skin

“ that answer good enough for you?” she asked with a lazy smirk and you huffed out a laugh still gasping for air “Never thought you packed such heat” you confessed and her ego grew dangerously “You haven’t experienced the half of it”

•••

Unlike you, who was secretive and shameful of your nature the minute Sadie felt sure in herself she didn’t hesitate to greet you with a good morning kiss letting everyone think about what they just witnessed. As outlaws you certainly had bigger problems than two girls deciding to kiss each other and you came to the stupidly obvious realisation. Hosea and Arthur were the first ones to tell you

well we knew men didn’t do it for you, but I didn’t exactly know what did so…I just do now thats all it is

and you felt good about his awkward and reassuring words. Sadie didn’t care on the other hand. if she spent the night in your tent she didn’t hide it and if she felt like making a move on you while at the saloon she would and dealt with the consequences violently and eagerly still needing to vent out her pain and frustrations.

“are you not…scared?” you asked her once at night when you both laid together, naked beneath a thin sheet and she smiled giving you small kisses on your cheeks, jaw, neck

“I am scared of other things darling. Death is one of them. Random drunk men ain’t on the other hand are not”

“You aren���t indestructible Sadie. I worry for you” you confessed and she smiled “Nobody’s taking nothing from me ever again” she said and kissed you “And nobody’s taking me away from you either”

[canaidliafail]

having an ex who is famous is a living nightmare cuz you have to deal with watching everyone share her stuff every time she posts and you are inevitably reminded of all the abuse and her existence

[canaidliafail]

hii, do you think there will be a part 8 to stay grounded? i’ve been loving the series (:

Hi love 💕

I might make an epilogue episode but no promises :)

I’m happy you enjoyed the fix though <333

[canaidliafail]

do u know how many chapters ur stay grounded fic will have? i really enjoyed it and i’m excited for when u update it again ! <3

unfortunately I decided to end the story with episode 7 🤍 felt like it was a good conclusion

if its of any consolation though Im writing an Abby mma fighter au now 🤲🏻

[canaidliafail]

OMG i lovvee everything you wrote for abby especially scumbag abby x maneater reader it’s just WOW

also hope you’re doing oki and getting some rest!

sending you lots of love and good snacks

aah thank you so much baby 🤍 Im doing good. Working for uni and stuff

Theres a new abby story in the making right now 😌🤍

[canaidliafail]

Hiiii I’m new to tumblr and I absolutely love stay grounded I’m just wondering how many parts it’s gonna have ?

ah thank you 🤍🤍

unfortunately I think I will end this fic with episode 7. Feel like its a good enough conclusion to their story 🤍

[canaidliafail]

YOUR FIC IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER !!

thank you love 🤍🤍🤍

[canaidliafail]

“you promised you’d never leave me”

and you swore you’d never give me a reason to stop trusting you. Tough luck

[canaidliafail]

stay grounded pt.7

streamer abby x reader 🌿

its been a while hasn’t it :D anyways part 7 is here now ✨✨✨ has some sad stuff has some spice but hey the girls are seeing each other again <3333 TW: I have never been to renfaire as that sadly is not a thing in my country and haven’t been in the US either so :)))))) shit won’t be the most accurate unless I magically go on a trip next month or smt.

not proof read, probably will never be either

“Treat me like I’m nobody’s daughter

Just put your hands around my throat, Ain’t been to heaven but I’m close”

•••

Your phone was blowing up with notifications and as a result you were shutting down, drowning in pure panic. Why did Abby post that ? No caption no nothing….People already speculated things about you two but for them to now know she had visited you….

It wasn’t that you minded people knowing. Not exactly ? There was a part of you that feared public relationships considering the fact that your previous ones didn’t pan out so well. They all seemed respectful and understanding but the minute things went south they would fill their pages with bitter remarks and shady posts. You wanted to believe Abby was different than that. That she would be better than that or at least would try to be for you.

As much as you loved to delude yourself that you had control over you throughs you knew the gesture had gotten into your head and there a small voice repeating the words like a mantra

“Mine, mine mine”

You didn’t like who you were when you were in love and you hated yourself even more when you dated someone but fuck, you were so ready to go through all that again for Abby. You did love her and the tension when you saw her, the chemistry you had and the heated nights made you dizzy with euphoria. It felt like you were molded to heal and fit each other’s missing parts.

You tapped the reshape button and posted the photo on your story and decided to be a bit bolder than before with the small caption beneath

“I won” and a pink heart.

If she would have an issue with it you would delete it and maybe your career would reach new peaks with a stylized apology video in your lavish living room. If she appreciated the gesture though…that would kickstart a fruitful new bond between you two. Hopefully.

Most likely

_________

“Man it feels…empty over here. Alice is wayyyy too happy to see me though”

“Yeah no shit you’ve been gone for half a month” You said laughing all the way through as you watched Alice bounce all over the place and more from Abby’s left side to her right and bark occasionally. Abby had to shove her face away while she tried to eat a miserable bowl of soup that she cooked with whatever leftovers hadn’t rotted in her fridge.

“Half a month huh ... .Felt like its been barely a day” She said with a melancholic sigh and you just fawned at the sight of her staring at her dog lovingly and giving her a few good rubs on her chin.

“How are you doing over there ? Back to sewing?” She asked and turned to look at you through the camera. Its been around a day since you last talked yet it felt like it had been so much longer and it was a pleasant feeling to see the feeling reciprocated. Abby didn’t hesitate to jump on FaceTime the second she came home reassuring for the first 30 minutes that “its ok you can keep me company while I unpack” and “no its cool you can watch me while I cook my dinner” and so on.

There was a significant change in your attitude and in the way she talked to you. She was comfortable.

It made sense. You had eaten each other out 24 hours ago so to be shy on call would be weird and uncalled for.

“I haven’t done much in that regard but…I did deep clean the house and all. My neighbor brought me cake as well. Was pretty cute”

Abby groaned

“You have a neighbor like that and she never once made her gracious appearance to give cake when I was there ?! Fucking unfair”

“I think your loud moans scared her off Abs”

You said and bit your tongue a second after in shame. Oh you were growing to comfortable

“Fuck off. I know that you like that I’m loud”

She quipped with a shit eating grin and you blushed and buried your face in your palms

“Shut up. I- I don’t know why I even said that”

“Oh come on babe. We are way past that stage” she said calmly while eating another spoonful of her colored liquid.

“You would have a point but I…Give me some time” You mumbled and heard her laugh. You grabbed a wet wipe and started wiping your coffee table from the cigarette ashes. Your heart was beating in your chest content by the fact that she didn’t brush off the fact that you two were entangled like that and more than that, she seemed to want to remind you as well that things were happening between you two

“Ah also about the story sorry I didn’t ask before posting it. I’m not gonna say anything about our relationship yet. Not unless you want me to of corse”

You blinked and pursed your lips. Your brows shot up and your eyes turned to the camera

“Relationship?”

You asked and felt dumb the second the words left your mouth. She looked at you and seemed equally nervous. It didn’t exactly show but you picked up on some signs from the short time that you got to experience her up close. Her tongue rolling in her mouth and that half smile trying to hide a laughter of awkwardness and embarrassment. Her hand at the nape of her neck as if she was straightening the flow of her braid

“Yeah. I mean now that we are a thing I thought I’d ask you how you wanted to handle it regarding our…publicity because we do have quite the platform”

Her words were rushed.. You were quick to realize that this was her way of saying she wanted the two of you to make whatever you had official. And you smiled discreetly and turned to face her

“Let’s take it slow with our audience, yeah? Think we should take our time figuring each other out before we let anyone else do that for us” You reassured and she nodded her shoulders easing. She took in a deep breath visibly relaxed now and took another spoonful of her shitty soup.

_________

Abby got you another gift. You didn’t know when did she even make the purchase but you were woken up a week later from the delivery man with a large box of items from your wishlist with an additional two things that she probably added in there herself. You were used to being the one making such gestures. Being the dominant and the one providing and over endorsing the other person in every way so to receive such…princess treatment was new and made you sit on the floor with the ugliest grin

“You are so fucking creepy now”

June spat with an equally big smile being quick to put two and two together.

“I can’t believe this is my life now. Can you? Like…she is too good. Too sweet”

She rolled her eyes and went back to her phone scrolling through posts and messages. You looked at the package and scratched the cardboard with your fingers,contemplating how to phrase your proposal.

“oh so what if I got her a gift too? Like something big?”

“big like…say tickets to visit her?” she said and cocked a brow

“no june i'm serious-“

“So am I”

you stared long and hard at each other. You weren’t sure when to even propose that to her. Things were going well but you didn’t like the idea that you could possibly seem needy or too eager. Which weren’t bad things per say but they did stupidly bruise your ego. You weren’t one to endorse such games and thoughts but you held Abby to such a high standard that you hated that any “strong” emotion that you would exhibit would scare her off

“As much as I would like to do that, I think I'll take my time. It's only been a week you know”

June shrugged knowing that even if she said something in the moment it wouldn’t change your mind.

You grabbed the box of gifts and made your way to your workshop.

“Hey june wanna come in here ? I could use your help with the chainmail”

“Sure”

“about our stream by the way…I have one scheduled for tonight. You can join and see if you like the whole experience . I remember you mentioning last year that you wanted to get into it”

her eyes opened up in awe and a big smile stretched her lips.

“fuck yeah Im very sure I wanna pursue this thing with you so if I’m not really throwing you off schedule Im in”

“I was just going to catch up with my viewers and have a chat since it's been a while since I last had a stream. Perfect time to introduce you”

You held the box of rings and continued working on the armor grabbing your tools in silence and left June to rummage through your makeup supplies to fix herself up. In truth you saw your friend's light falter while she contemplated her future with her uni and you were equally happy to make a collaborative streaming channel with her. You two were close -obviously- and you had the type of familiarity and humor that would translate well on the screen.

You loved working alone. always being your own model and your own manager. However working with Abby as your model for a change of pace, and having a friend to stream with didn’t sound so bad. In fact you finally felt like you could trust people more in ways other than shallow or superficial.

______

“Just act like Im there” Abby rasped, her tone significantly lower than usual and with the way she guided you throughout the call made it feel that way as well

“Touch yourself for me baby” she whispered tenderness laced with lust, her neediness visible through her voice. Your hand ventured beneath your underwear with your fingers sliding through the wet folds of your pussy with ease that had you blushing in embarrassment . It was relieving to know that Abby couldn’t see how terribly horny you were for her and you felt that she would be dangerously powerful were she to find out about the affect her voice alone had on you

You circled your clit with slow movements, struggling to keep the pace that Abby demanded of you the moment you heard her soft moans. heat pooled in your stomach again and every stroke sent jolts through your entire body as she indulged you with endless praise that eventually escalated to raunchy comments that made your spine arch of the bed

“you are doing so good” turned to “You are such a whore I can practically hear how wet you are from here, oh? You liked that didn’t you?”

You didn’t think you could actually cum from a phonecall. Hell, with your past partners you hardly even got wet when they were present and went down, yet now all it took was two fingers in and you came undone seconds later breathing heavy and covered in sweat.

You checked the time and realized that this whole foreplay had gone on for 40 minutes.

“Damn you…no wonder you are at the top 0.1% on onlyfans” You said mindlessly and heard her huff out a chuckle on the other end of the line

“That’s not what I do there. These one on ones are for you only and…and I'm just glad it went this good”

you rolled on your stomach and held your phone in your clean hand

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve never done this before and I was really nervous not to fuck up”

you smiled. You wanted to see her again. You missed her

“Abs?”

she -mmhd- still too dazed probably from everything that went down a few minutes ago

“I wanna see you” you said and cringed the moment the words left your mouth

“Oh, you wanna facetime?”

“no”

you could hear the “????” as Abby tried to put the pieces together. You despised how much of a coward you were. Abby so far had carried the entire construction of this relationship. You could do this much

“I mean I’d like to see you in person, I..I missed you”

“Me too” her voice softened

“fuck I, I miss you already and it has only been a month I know but…Do you think you’d maybe wanna visit for spring break?”

Your lips stretched and cracked with a smile. You wanted to scream in excitement. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal that Abby wanted to see you but it was, because she also wanted you to visit her soon. She wanted you

“Yeah that’s what I was going to suggest actually..I have been saving up ever since you left and..I could get tickets by the end of the month”

“Fuck yes that would be amazing and you can meet Alice and since its two months in advance I can look around for events or things you’d like to see?”

your chest swelled and your eyes started to sing. You muffled a whimper and lowered your head to swallow back your tears.

“love? are you alright?”

“ye-ah” you choked out and tried to wipe your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater. You were in love with this woman and you were so content with that feeling that you allowed yourself a few moments to calm down before you spilled your emotions too fast

“Sorry, I'm just happy. Yeah we could arrange to do some stuff”

“alright cool anything that comes to mind right away?”

You looked across your room at your wardrobe with all the victorian gowns and costumes you sewed for class

“Renfaire”

_________

“I got them”

“For how long?”

“17 days as promised”

You heard Abby yell excited and smack her desk

“fuck yeah! I get to be my girl for half a month”

“your excitement is truly adorable and deeply appreciated” you teased while walking down the wet pavement to get to your afternoon lectures

“fuck off you prissy twit. As if you aren’t happy”

“No need to get all hissy at me. I am just as excited”

Abby started rambling about every event she found and asked twice on whether you were certain that making your renfaire costume’s wasn’t too much pressure which you reassured-twice- that you were building a portfolio this year so if anything you needed the extra work

“Not sure if you'd be into that but Ellie will be throwing a party and we were invited” she said not even trying to hide the destate she had for the woman.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to but I won’t lie, I always wanted to see how you hold parties over there in the US”

“Again, you watch too many movies”

“Let me dream” you whined and she laughed

“Alright Im outside class and late as fuck”

“-as always” abby cut you off

“so I’ll call you later” you said, ignoring her remark

You hung up and walked in quickly making your way to your usual seat on the pattern table.

“Work?” the teacher asked and you raised your brows faking an apologetic expression. work- as in you were too busy double and triple checking the tickets for your flight and that they were on the correct airport and then you had to triple check that the airline company you choose would handle switching your luggage between flights and-

“yeah work” you answered and she nodded in empathy

You slumped in your seat and pulled out your phone scrolling through your list of things you had to finish working on and things you had to buy before leaving. This would have to be the biggest trip you’ve ever planned. not just in the matter of your stay but also regarding the distance of your flight. You chewed on your lip. The tickets required an emergency contact and you had put your mothers number. Someone you hadn’t even told her you were leaving the country yet.

You had to mentally prepare yourself knowing she would pull every fault and harm you’ve done in your 22 years of life to guilt you out of that trip due to her co-dependency issues with you. Such were the struggles of living with a widowed mother.

the role of the father and the “male protector” was forced on you. You started to suffocate and felt angry.

repressed anger that came and went in waves.

what if you were to permanently leave for the US?

Could you afford it ?

Would she support it?

Would you be finally free ?

at what cost though?

you opened your contact list and scrolled far down to your therapist's number that stayed there neglected after months of ghosting. therapy never helped. You doubted one quick session would solve years of abuse and trauma anyways but you were all out of options. You thought of Abby. Could you open up to her about this ?

You were filled with a familiar dreadful feeling of emptiness. Had the two of you ever even talked about anything serious ? You talked yeah, but if you were about to fall apart would she be there to support you while you tried to get back on your feet?

You locked your phone. This endless cycle of self pity was getting you nowhere.

During break you went to the schools cafeteria and got their shitty overpriced coffee for the sake of having limitless time to sit on the bar by the windows.

cottoncandy: Abby can I talk to you?

staygrounded69: Whats up babe? Missed me already?

cottoncandy: No I think I'm having a meltdown

you confessed without thinking twice and seconds later your phone lit up with her name. You picked up the call and raised your phone to your ear

“Abby I-“

“whats going on? are you alright? are you safe?”

she asked and you wanted to cry at how tender and careful she always was with you. You nodded even though you knew she couldn't see you

“I'm safe just…Abby there’s this issue that I'm not sure how to deal with… see my mom…I haven’t told her yet about my trip and she..she is very possessive and protective and Im scared”

abby was silent for a few minutes considering what you had told her

“Can she do something that will hurt you? physically or emotionally?”

“Her words have a strong effect on me abby…if she says something..she can change my feelings about anything. she can make me angry about things I wouldn’t be angry about and she can make me second guess everything. I want to see you and Im scared that if she says something off I will cancel everything and ruin this-“

“hey hey relax love, I got you” she soothed and you started tightening your fists your nails digging in the flesh of your palm deeper and deeper trying to calm your nerves.

why did I say all of this God Im so fucking pathetic and weak

“Sorry ignore everything Ive said Im just stressed with essay admissions and-“

“please don’t shut me out…you do it a lot and..I never want to push you but I notice when your mood changed and when your thoughts get the best of you” she said which caught you off guard and completely by surprise. So she noticed ? she noticed you?

she saw you?

“Does she know you are..dating a woman?”

“Oh yeah. She’s over that much at least. She doesn’t complain about that anymore now her issue will be that Im traveling so far…”

“Are you scared to make a trip like that?”

“No. I love flights and I know I will have a good time with you there” I trust you

you thought

“Then try to remember that when she tries to talk you out of it. These are your feelings. whatever happens after she finds out is about her and not about you”

You nodded and noticed your breathing pattern was starting to even out.

“Sorry”

“Don't be”

“still…”

“I don’t wanna hear it. I'm here for you. Whichever way you need me to”

you nodded silently. Abby probably knew as she trailed on how her day went and complained about Isaac being a bitch which made you laugh and loosen up

_______

ABBY’s POV

the three months that you were apart Abby fell endlessly in different slumps of misery and self loath. Her manager was making it exceptionally hard to continue their partnership

“You can’t post your girlfriend. Your income relies on been everyones sweetheart and you are fucking it up”

“oh am I? Cause I haven’t seen a fall in my profits and if anything things are going better than before. Isaac for once I don’t need to see my therapists twice a week and Im motivated to make more content”

He groaned and rubbed his temples trying to control his anger

“Abby this is insane. Right now things are well because majority of your audience has no fucking idea you are tied”

Abby got out off her chair and paced around the room running her hands through her braided hair and resting them on the nape of her neck. she clenched her jaw in anger. She wasn’t willing to sacrifice this

“Im not renewing our contract”

“excuse me?”

she turned around and stomped all the way to his side making him take a step back intimidated

“You heard me. Find someone else to leech on. There’s a month left right? Enough time for you to find a new pet. Im through with you”

She left his office shaking. Panic clogged her throat. She called Manny repeatedly till he picked up

“pendejo what do you want?!”

he sounded man and Abby guessed that she interrupted him from a date

“Im changing managers”

“huh? Wait, so you left Isaac?”

Manny asked and his tone changed immediately from angry to concerned and confused. Abby got in her car and turned on the engine while putting him on speaker

“Yeah I, fuck I dont know what Im gonna do with finances and all but he suggested I break up with corton or that I straight up break up and I wasn’t having it”

she said in one breath and started driving to nowhere in particular. she wasn’t ready to go home yet so she decided to go on a long afternoon drive till the sun set at least

“I'm with you but are you sure it was worth doing this for her?”

“I did it for me Manny. He has been controlling every aspect of my life for too long”

Manny knew that well enough by now. In fact he had also tried to suggest she switched agencies. Manny worked with Isaac as well but he wasn’t as affected by his antics as Abby was.

“Then you did the right thing Abs”

A week later she received a series of furious messages from Isaac calling her every name in the book all wrapped up with the statement

“I made you and you will be nothing without me like you were before I met you”

Abby took a screenshot and decided to use this as a way to terminate her contract sooner

That day when she went home a parcel was waiting for her. it was soft and heavy wrapped in brown paper. She recognised the sender immediately and ran inside to tear off and see the contents. It was her knight costume for renfaire. You had finished it and sent it to her.

she bared her teeth in a grin. The fabrics were expensive and you had the brilliant idea to make the shirt from feathersilk. A light fabric that looked like water and had the most beautiful flow with every move she made. You had handcrafted chainmail pieces along with leather belts and armbands. She held the pieces that looked like metal only to find out they were made out of leather and painted as well. She admired the finer details and every brush stroke of baroque details that you added.

She carefully put every part and smiled at the handmade page of instructions that you added in the parcel of which part went where. The fabrics had your scent and that alone aroused her to an unhealthy extent. halfway through getting dressed she leaned back against her couch that was facing a mirror and took a topless pic. She could use that later. she put on the remaining pieces and let her hair loose, admiring the complete costume. she hated that she had no idea what you were sewing for yourself. Would you make a dress ? were you also going to be a knight? She didn’t dwell too long on those thoughts as she shamelessly eye fucker herself cause hell, She did look hot.

That's my girls work

she thought proud like a bird puffing out its chest and spun once more watching as the cape dances behind her. Your reply was humble

“Im just glad it fits properly and that nothing got torn yet :’) I tried to add a double stitch to make sure the pieces would be sturdy but I'm still new”

She would have strangled you for your self demeaning attitude and then given you the messiest eating out session to show her gratitude, spit and all

“You are fucking gifted, and your paint job? This is insane”

“You deserve the best <3”

you said and she blushed. she sent you the topless pic where she only wore the pants and shoulderpads. She watched as you typed and deleted your text again and again until you settled for a

“We are fucking before,during and after renfaire. Otherwise I'm tearing your costume to shreds”

and she took that as a win

__________

Abby all but leaped when she saw you and ran to your side wrapping her arms around you in a bone crushing hug. She was scared of many things. There were many ways a trip could go wrong before it even began but now that you were here in front of her she felt at ease. she took her time breathing in your scent and her hands entangled in your hair pulling you in closer. She feared she would cry if she extended the hug any longer so she leaned in to kiss you briefly before cupping your cheeks and asking about your flight

you smiled, lips streched with your cheeks a tint of pink

“It was good Abs. I'm happy that Im here now”

and she nodded biting her lip and leaning down to kiss you again

“me too my love” she whispered between the kiss and felt you slide your hands around her waist and melt deeper in her arms

[canaidliafail]

unbelievable but staygrounded pt.7 will be up tonight. ( i dont even know if anyone is still waiting )

[canaidliafail]

i know that feeling, being cheated on changed me forever. but things will be better, i promise ❤️‍🩹 ily

haaa I hope it does cause right now my brain is in the gutter. Thanks for the love and support 💕

[canaidliafail]

that godawful comparison that you start doing with yourself and the girls that she cheated on you with even after your breakup