cancelingplans - Tumblr blog

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Me being happy that one of the firefighters on the firefighter show is finally canonically Bi despite never watching a single episode:

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Happy to report that “a new threat has emerged”. The latest development in the goat saga is that the goat is being eaten alive by birds. This has, according to experts on the news, never happened before.

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the main problem with this time of year is the irresistible urge to get fully into bed at like 5:34 pm and outside is like yesss, yesss do it, it's what you deserve yesss. like is it depression or is it just november

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#I hope they feel like Italian today

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Thank you, Matthew Perry (August 19, 1969 - October 28, 2023)

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There's one thing you should know about me before we begin. I was born in 1989.

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lights for saturdays ↳FITF Tour 2023, Accor Arena, Paris

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Girls will be like “you just had to be there” about an event they watched occur through their computer screen

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Happy September 21, freaks

Shoutout to my good work friend (whom you already know for renaming all the characters) for this incredible image!

How's everybody celebrating? Let me know!!

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Most sports books are like “I need to win championships so I can prove myself!!!” and then there’s The Foxhole Court where the main character is like “yeah so if I don’t win championships I will literally be executed because when I was 10 my serial killer father tried to sell me to a cult so my assassin mother stole $5 million from the yakuza and ran away with me, but it turned out that my dad was friends with the leader of the mafia, so now we also had a bunch of hit men after us, and almost a decade later my dad caught up with us and killed my mom and I faked my death, so I decided to join a college sports team to start my new life, but then I found out one of my teammates is a runaway from the cult my dad tried to sell me to, and not only that but the cult’s leader is the brother of the head of the Japanese mafia, so now both of them are after me too, and also the FBI keeps trying to convince me to testify against my father, but if I do I’ll have to go into witness protection because my dad’s friends will try to kill me and I can’t be a professional athlete while under witness protection, but luckily my uncle (who is the leader of the British mob) brokered a deal that will assure my safety if I win championships as long as I hand over 80% of my salary to the mafia for the rest of my life.” And that’s only the main character, I haven’t even mentioned how insane some of the side characters’ backstories are!

Basically this is the most unhinged book I have ever read and I love it so much

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It's kind of tragic how homophobia affects insecure men.

Like sometimes they want to experiment with a bit of anal and instead of just buying a sex toy and some lube like a normal person, they instead shove random objects up their ass that inevitably get stuck and then they try to get them out by themselves which makes things worse and then they lie to doctors about it and like this all leads to all kinds of extra complications like internal damage, risk of infections, bleeding, the fall of Yugoslavia, etc.

Come on guys, just buy a dildo. It's way safer and it leads to way fewer problems.

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god remember in the spring how on sundays you would watch succession and it would make you feel so so so so bad and then you’d log on to tumblr dot com and the succession tag would be like 90 variations in a row on “hey lads how are we all killing ourselves tonight?” best days of my life i’ve never been more alive

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I can’t wait for October: cozy sweaters, cool weather, jack'o'lanterns, pumpkin spice lattes, halloween, autumn leaves, the violent sport of hockey….

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shes a 10 but she answers her texts in 70 to 80 business days and sometimes never