canimcane-blog

[canimcane-blog]

Humans are space orcs: Bring enough gun

I love all of you who write humans are space orcs/australians/oddities but you have ignored a key component of humanity. We like to make things that go boom at our enemies. We have develloped guns so big we had to build bigger boats to carry them. We have rejected peace because “well we already built the catapult, and now I want to use it.” We built a gun which added a step between the amunition and the firing mechanism... AND IT SHOOTS FASTER. We are not just orcs because we survive, we are orcs because we need more dakka.

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The light corruscated across the bow of the Skee ship as the Coalition’s plasma was once more deflected by the charged ions floating feet above their hull. Sirens rang out, blasting each crewmeoia to awareness of their impending danger as the Skee slowly brought their plasma cannons to bear. The Captain had been dreading this moment since the moment the small cruiser had come across the battleship. Escorting the Humans had seemed a small task, even with the looming spectre of war. He had hoped that the humans would take the chance to run, their small needle like ship floating behind them. Xie had liked these small apes, with their predatory teeth flashing, and their courage outsizing their ability. Now there was only the end, as their own ionized field faltered the lights of the stars becoming crisper as the difusing field evaporated in front of them.

“Captain, full power to down thrusters now. We are finally ready.” The garbled voice of the radio suprised the captain, his fuzzy ear perking up as the implanted chip translated the humans voice. Very well, Xie thought, if they wish to die alongside us, so be it.

“Helm, all down!” the Captain barked at his Xur’i crewmeoia, their ship lurching as the underpowered gravity plates fought inertia. The Captain’s eyes never left the slowly rotating cannons of the Skee ship, watching them intently as they slowly brought their cones to face their new position. This was the only reason the Captain saw what happened.

The shimmering light of the ion shield corruscated away from the opening, and just as it did he caught momentary sight of a line of silver rocks flashing across the darkness, slamming through the shield, and causing a cascade of flares as they slammed into and then through the Skee vessel.

“The Gods have answered Captain, a rogue asteroid swarm has ripped them apart!” the crewman beside him screamed, his nasal flaps blasting forth a riotous joy.

“Captain, good job on that dodge,” came the garbled translation in his ear. “our engineers had to get our bow cannon’s targetting computers back online.”

“One moment!” the Captain’s voice rang off the bulwarks as he tried to hear the small chip in his ear. “Captain Yuluth, did you say your bow cannon? I thought you were a research vessel.”

“Yes sir, but our history taught us to be ready for anything, and that even a research vessel had to be ready to fight. And my daddy had a saying, namely if you are getting into a fight, always bring enough gun.”