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[canumoveurseatup-no]

the fear of starting over

summary: sometimes staying in a toxic situation sounds safer than starting over.

word count: 6.2k

pairings: OOC!bucky x black!reader, OOC!bucky x natasha, tony x black!reader

warnings: THIS GETS SERIOUS SO PLEASE BEWARE- infidelity, manipulative behavior, emotional and physical abuse, relational PTSD

a/n: statistics show that people in abusive relationships try to leave at least SEVEN times before they actually leave.

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[canumoveurseatup-no]

the fear of starting over (ii)

summary: bucky was making your life a living hell.

word count: 3.8k

pairings: OOC!bucky x black!reader; OOC!bucky x natasha, tony x black!reader, OOC!steve x black!reader

warnings: angst messy custody battle, manipulation, emotional and physical abuse, brief sedation

be sure you actually want to read this before continuing!!!

———————

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[canumoveurseatup-no]

the fear of starting over pt. iii

summary: sometimes you have to fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive.

word count: 6.8k

pairings: tony x black!reader ; OOC!dark!bucky x black!reader

warnings: kidnapping, abuse, weapons, swearing, mentions of marital rape, mentions of being impregnated from rape so please beware and make sure you’re 18+ and in the right mindset to read this!!!!

___________

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———-

“Love and abuse cannot coexist. Abuse and neglect are by definition, the opposite of nurturance and care… Too many of us need to cling to a notion of love that either makes abuse acceptable or at least makes it seem that whatever happened wasn’t as bad… To begin by always thinking love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility”

     -Bell Hooks in All about Love

——–

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[canumoveurseatup-no]

White Dodge Challenger

summary: a letter for Eddie that he’ll never receive. It’s time to cut the cord.

pairing: modern!eddie munson x black!reader

warnings: references to smut, unrequited love. this is a short one.

word count: 1.6k

I give no one permission to translate, copy or repost my work.

Dear Eddie, 

I’m not the same girl I was a few years ago. I’m not that person that begged for your attention, though I crave it now, I won’t give you the pleasure of seeing me need you.

I’ve put on a few pounds, so, I had to let you know I’m not that slim girl from five years ago, just in case that turned you off. I’m not the girl that waited for you on my front door step, so you could finally take me back to your house, instead of an empty parking lot of the apartment complex you used to live in. While I liked being in your bed for the first time, I missed your White Dodge Challenger. While I enjoyed being a sweaty mess under you with Ridiculousness on the tv playing in the back, I missed the cloth upholstery of the back seat with your playlist playing in the background of your White Dodge Challenger.

Thought I had moved on until you came back in my life.

It started playful and I got those butterflies, those butterflies like I used to five years ago. I didn’t want to give in but I had to, because you gave me wings, but what you didn’t tell me was that they were wax and you melted them in the same breath. I was Icarus and you were the Sun. But I had to be near you and that cost me.

I fell. You watched. But you never caught me.

I was lonely when I ended up meeting you at a hotel, you messaged me saying you were there, and that you had the challenger so it would be easier for me to find you. I circled the building and when I saw it, I got those butterflies again.

You told me to come over into your car and we talked like years hadn’t gone by. But you had matured, you had a beard but those eyes and that smile never changed. You finished rolling up and we searched and searched for a lighter until I mentioned I had one in my car. It was my favorite lighter. It was black and held in a decoden Kawaii case but you didn’t judge, you found it cute.

While smoking, you drove us to the dollar store right across the street, mentioning we needed water. I sat in your car while you went inside, relishing the fact I was back in that White Dodge Challenger. My stomach wouldn’t calm down, I was back in your presence, my inner-teen couldn’t express the joy that you wanted me again, even if it was only sexual. I should be sleeping, I have work at 5:30 am… but it’s 1:15 am and I can’t sleep because I needed to write this. 

I need this.

We got back to that hotel parking lot and we sat for a few more minutes just talking. I mentioned all of our past endeavors in the backseat of your White, Dodge Challenger and we laughed. We laughed because back then this was the only space we had to let our teenage hormones rage. But now that we’re adults and can walk right into that hotel, all I want is for you to take me in the backseat of your White, Dodge Challenger.

You said it was time to go in. My heart palpitated. But right as I turned away from you to reach for the door handle there was a soft

“Wait,”

It was as if time started to move slowly.

I looked back at you to see what was wrong but what I turned to will forever be imprinted into my brain. You placed your hand on my cheek and kissed me like in one of those movies. I wanted to cry. You overwhelmed me with just a kiss. You consumed me like a wildfire to unsuspecting trees. You don’t know just how much you mean to me, even if all I got out of our time knowing each other was sex, that’s enough for me because at least that meant you wanted me, even if it was strictly without clothes, in the dark while I cry for more of you.

My legs were jelly. I couldn’t catch my breath.

“You okay?,” you grin at me and I just breathe deeply and can’t help but give you that bashful giggle.

“I just need a minute,” I huffed with the brightest smile I’d worn in days. The smile you expressed your admiration of every chance you could get.

You help me out of your car and we walk inside. Room 207… I’ll never forget. We cracked jokes walking up the steps and the jokes never stopped, even after unlocking the door to room 207.

We had more space but all I wanted was to be in the back seat of your White Dodge Challenger.

Why?

That may be a frequently asked question.

The reason I wanted to be back in your White Dodge Challenger was because I had no choice but to be close to you, limited space meant you wouldn’t be too far from me.

But in this big clean room, you’re walking around teasing me and I just want to cry because I need you near me. I want to smell your cologne, I want to feel your Henley under my fingertips as I help you take it off, I want to see every detail of your chest tattoos, I want to hear your breathing as you kiss my temple.

I’m sitting on the edge of the bed and you’re stalking toward me, you’re standing between my legs, your tall frame towering over me.

“Eddie, please,” I whimper.

You answer my plea and your lips are attached to mine. You’re grabbing at me as if I’ll run away.

I won’t ever run away from you.

I fell for you all over again in many ways that night. I didn’t want to fall for you unless it was on the floor and while I was on my knees in front of you while you sat on the couch, eyes half lidded staring at me, I fell for you again. You gave me the worst case of butterflies. My hands shook when you looked at me, like when we were teens, but I’m grown now and those feelings have swollen into something bigger. Like a zit filling with pus but hasn’t come to a head. The pain is there and it’ll be a while before it goes away. My feelings for you were invasive to the follicle that was my life, it was unhealthy and grew into a painful, annoying zit that just wouldn’t go away.

It kept coming back.

I wanted you to hurt me that night, hurt me so I could forget all that I was going through and could feel owned, could feel wanted and desired.

I was never hurt though, not the way I wanted to be. I was hurt emotionally and I don’t know why I was surprised, it’s a never ending cycle with you.

Not a single slap you delivered to my face that night hurts as bad my heart does for having to end that cycle.

That zit is coming to a head.

And I won’t let it come back anymore.

When we were finished I walked out of that room with no aftercare, I don’t think you even know what that is. But I thought I would be okay so, I walked to my car, watching you get in yours. Watching you leave in your White, Dodge Challenger.

I left my lighter in your car that night by accident but I was hoping it would at least be my ticket to see you again. We talked for days after that, you feeding me the idea I’d see you again. But soon the replies stopped coming, and I entered a subdrop and spiraled.

I spiraled and you weren’t even aware. You’re not even aware that I see White, Dodge Challengers all over town and start having panic attacks because while I wish to see you again, I know it wouldn’t be good for me.

Four months go by before I’ve had enough and reached out about at least getting my lighter back.

Of course that’s what you respond to.

You left it in my mailbox that night, unsuspecting of the message you were about to receive.

A long message explaining to you the pain I’ve endured while knowing you for the past 11 years of my life. A long message explaining ways that would portray the fact that I love you without actually saying those three words.

A long message explaining that I could never hate you no matter how much I try, because trust me, I’ve tried.

A long message explaining that I’ve got to cut the cord, because how can I be happy in life when I’m still emotionally tethered to you?

My stomach still drops when I see a White Dodge Challenger. The naive part of me wishing they were you while the logical part hopes it’s not, so I can heal.

I didn’t want our last night together to be in a nice hotel room.

I wanted our last night to be at your old apartment complex in the backseat of your, well, you get it.

But alas, my wants were never met, and that’s okay, because I think that annoying zit came to a head and it’s ready to be popped.

So I pop it and I block you with the mantra “out of sight and out of mind” playing like a broken record in the back of my mind, everyday.

So now, it’s time to heal the pain the swelling brought on. It’s time to tend to that tender spot and remove any further debris so the wound can close like it was never there.

I’ll heal and I’ll be okay.

And I’ll get to the point in life where I don’t panic every time I see a White, Dodge Challenger.

--------------

tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @alyssaj23 @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo @blkmorticia @empty-social-fuel-tank @tcddszn

[canumoveurseatup-no]

ARE YOU EVER GONNA FINISH LUXURY OF LOVING YOU??? IM BEGGING🧎🏾‍♀️🧎🏾‍♀️🧎🏾‍♀️

YES I PLAN ON FINISHING EVERY SERIES I HAVE!! I’m sorry I know it’s been a long time, life just gets in the way! I miss writing more frequently trust me! So many pieces are in my drafts I just have to find the time to finish them. Thank you for your support and understanding 🤍

[canumoveurseatup-no]

Happy Birthday, Nat🥺🤍

just a minute

summary: a minute turned into never.

word count: 1.9k

pairing: natasha x black!reader

warnings: angst, death, grieving, timeline of events from endgame aren’t exactly accurate for the sake of the fic.

a/n: Contrary to popular belief, the five stages of loss do not necessarily occur in any specific order. COMMENTS AND REBLOGS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED AND ENCOURAGED!

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[canumoveurseatup-no]

You're baaaaaacccccckkkkk!!!!! I'm happy to see your name on my dash again, i hope you're doing good 😊

(fka periodtcevans)

OMFG HIII YEEESS! I’m glad to be back! Got some good things in store!!🤍

[canumoveurseatup-no]

Hey Bexie. Would you do a Drabble for Reid. I’m feeling angsty and want to be all in my feels.

OU YES SEND ME AN IDEA 👹

[canumoveurseatup-no]

Hi y’all! it’s good to be back. i just wanted to let you know that this is no longer strictly a marvel blog, im venturing out and writing for other fandoms that i am a part of, that way i don’t allow my love for writing to fizzle out from writing for the same people constantly.

I now also write for:

Eddie Munson (Stranger Things)

Steve Harrington (Stranger Things)

Chase Collins (The Covenant)

Spencer Reid (Criminal Minds)

Kevin Atwater (Chicago PD)

this list will be added to every so often!

i’m not taking full fic requests right now but i am taking requests for drabbles, blurbs and headcanons! So feel free to flood my inbox 🤍

[canumoveurseatup-no]

I knoooow I’m sorry for breaking y’all’s hearts😭🥺🤍

It’s Time

summary: it’s hard to accept the truth

pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader

warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down

a/n: I don’t know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did I’m not trying to copy anyone!🤍

————

“Hey, Y/N are you coming to Steve’s tonight?,” Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and you’re not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and that’s what matters most.

“Uuuh I don’t think so, I have some studying to do,” you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, “I’ll catch you all at lunch though, okay?”

“Yeah!” He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.

“How is she able to smile?,”

“I don’t know, but I’ll take it as long as she’s okay. She doesn’t talk about that night,” Lucas shrugged, “Literally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,”

“We all wear grief differently,” Max added in, “I drowned myself in music and isolation. At least she’s trying to move forward and remain normal,”

Dustin frowned, knowing the pain you’re avoiding. He knows it’s going to build up and he doesn’t want that for you. Dustin hasn’t been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because they’re in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.

“Avoiding grief isn’t normal,”

———

“Baby why don’t we go spend time with your friends?,” Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, “you’ve been studying super hard with no free time,”

“The only free time I need is with you,” looking up at him and smiling, “I almost lost you that night,”

“You almost lost all of us,” Eddie corrected.

“Yeah but you’re the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,”

“Thank God,” he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, “orange isn’t my color and I don’t think I’d be able to survive not being with you all the time,”

“It’s okay, I’d break you out,” you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.

“Cmon, let’s stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,” he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.

“How about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,”

Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, you’re wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.

“I’m thinking we should just go to California like you said before,” you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldn’t figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.

But everything is fine now.

“Why the change of heart?”

“I think we’ll just thrive better there. You have your music, I’ll graduate with my cosmetology license so I don’t have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!” You signed dreamily.

“Eddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,” you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.

“California it is. You sure you’re going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?”

“Home is wherever you are, Eddie”

———

Eddie had some deals to make and told you he’d meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasn’t seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.

You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, “I’ve missed you!” She squeals.

“I miss you too! Sorry I’ve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so it’s been time consuming,”

She smiles and nods, happy that you’re at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.

“They’re going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,” you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what it’s like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, “It’s been a month since she’s passed”

“I’m glad they’re doing that for her, I’ve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, we’re here,”

“I know, Nance and I love you guys for it. I’ll meet up with you guys after school,”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you later,”

You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brother’s friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so it’s good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.

You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissy’s face on it. She doesn’t want to bring it up, she knows you’re hurting.

“Hey, how you holding up?,” She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still haven’t really been chatting much.

“I’m okay!! How are you?” You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so it’s crunch time.

“Classes are kicking my ass but I’m hanging in there. We miss you, we’re going to Lover’s Lake after school for a bonfire if you’d like to come,”

You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured you’d take Eddie’s advice and hang out with your friends, he’d probably just go over Rick’s.

“I know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,” she adds.

“Y-yeah,” you send a soft smile, “I’ll be there after I stop by to see Chrissy’s family. We’re having a memorial for her,”

“That’s so sweet,” Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, “Be safe and we’ll see you later okay? We’ll be at the lake at 6:30,”

“I’ll be there,”

———

By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadn’t seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.

You’d never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.

“Hey there, handsome,” you say softly as you walk closer.

“Hey, sweets,” his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.

“I packed your favorite,” you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.

“Chrissy’s memorial is tonight,” you tell him.

“Yeah I heard. I don’t know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s something small so don’t feel pressured, okay?” You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.

“Robin also invited us down to Lover’s Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, it’s a Friday night,”

“Yeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,”

“Don’t worry if you can’t make it. I don’t think I’m gonna stay long anyway,”

“Yeah I’ll probably get up with Steve and tell him I can’t make it,”

A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddie’s arms are just too comfortable, so it’s safe to say you were hungry.

“I love you,” you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and that’s the ring you gravitated to.

“I love you more,” he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.

The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.

“Ugh, booooo,” you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.

“It’s okay, we’re done with classes soon so it’s okay,”

“Yeah yeah” you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.

“You’re just too cute. I’ll see you at the memorial okay?”

“You’re coming?!” You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.

“Of course. For you and for her,”

———

The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissy’s mom, even though she wasn’t the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissy’s honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.

You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You can’t take anymore loss.

“All right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,” he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering “I’ll see ya later. I’ll even bring you a surprise,”

“Well now I can’t wait,” you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.

You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.

“You okay, Y/N? You’ve been very quiet lately,”

“Yeah dad, just… I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,” you mutter.

Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you don’t notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood there’s more going on that you’re not talking about and they’re trying to be patient with you.

“We’re having a gathering at Lover’s Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. We’ll be home by 9,”

“9?!” Lucas exasperates

“It’s a Friday, Y/N!,” Erica rolls her eyes.

“Well I’ll be leaving at 8:45. I don’t want to stay out all night,”

“Yeah cause all you’ll do is sulk in your room about-,”

“Lucas!” Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.

“It’s fine,” you tell her shaking your head. You’re not even hungry anymore, “Be ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,”

———

You couldn’t really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since he’s making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know he’s safe.

“Earth to Y/N!” Steve shouts. You’ve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didn’t zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but it’s a constant state of mind for you when you’re around them.

“Yeah?” You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once you’re brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do after we graduate?,”

“Going to California,” you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.

“California?,” Robin screeches, “When the hell were you going to tell us?”

“I just decided it,” you shrugged, “Eddie always talks about going there and making it big. So I’m going to try and make it big,”

All of their eyes soften at your words and you don’t know why.

“You can make it big here,” Mike adds.

“I’d crash and burn if I stayed here,” you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You don’t want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. It’s time.

“But family is here,” Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but she’d miss you if you left, because she knows if you did… you’d never come back.

“Pain.. is here,” you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.

A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it won’t come off, it’ll be there forever.

That ache will never leave.

———

For the next few days you avoid the others. You haven’t been wanting to hangout, you’ve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.

It’s been a week since you’ve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you haven’t even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.

Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but you’d just tell him you’d catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.

You’re not shutting yourself away though, you’re just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddie’s thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldn’t engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didn’t have time for that- you had plans to make.

So it’s been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you it’s like you don’t see them. They even invited you to Max’s tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, you’ve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.

So instead, said you couldn’t make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you you’re welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.

What you don’t know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddie’s trailer.

“What’s Y/N doing?” He asks aloud.

“She’s not here what are you talking about?” Lucas questions.

“Yeah because she’s over at Eddie’s,” the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but… no one is home? They know what Wayne’s truck looks like and he left an hour ago.

“I got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,”

They don’t know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.

On the other side of Eddie’s trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.

“Hahaha okay okay! I’m excited to see you too, handsome,” you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.

You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.

“You expecting anyone?” You ask him as you walk to the door

“Only you, that’s it,”

You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.

“Hey what are you guys doing here?,” you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.

“We were going to ask you the same thing,” Dustin says.

“Well,” you look around you, smiling at everything put together, “We’re about to have a movie night!”

“We?” Robin looks between all of you, “our movie night is at Max’s,”

“Not us, silly. Me and Eddie,” you say and that’s when the room gets eerily quiet.

“Y/N,” Steve mutters your name as if it’s a warning.

“What?,” you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.

You really aren’t acknowledging it.

“You’re serious?” He gives an airy chuckle, this isn’t funny he just doesn’t understand.

“Yes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so we’re watching. Right babe?” You turn to him and he nods, “See?”

“Y/N… Eddie is gone,” Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.

They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.

“Why are you talking about him as if he’s not standing right here?!” You snap, “He saved your lives have some respect,”

You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.

“Because he’s not,” Lucas says, “Y/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,”

“Shut up!,” you scoff, you weren’t believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.

“He mattered time too,” Dustin stepped in, getting real close, “What you’re experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m crazy?!” You’re angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!

All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.

“No, what I’m saying is you’re grieving and you’re trying to keep yourself together and this is how you’re doing it… but it’s not helping. It’s going to hurt you more in the long run,”

“He’s standing right..,” you look and he’s not there, “Eddie?”

Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but he’s not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, “Eddie, where did you go?” You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.

“He’s here. H-he’s still here. This isn’t funny!,” you shout as you enter the living room again.

“This isn’t some joke,” Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. “You’re my big sister, Y/N. I can’t stand seeing you like this,”

You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.

“I’m right here, baby,” he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.

“Can you tell them to leave? They’re ruining our movie night,” you plead, looking over your shoulder.

But there’s no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didn’t know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they can’t do anything to make it instantly better.

“Y/N seriously,” Erica softly begs, “you’re scaring me… a-and I’ve seen some freaky shit,”

“Get out!!,” you scream, “Eddie tell them to leave!”

“Y/N… maybe you should listen to them,” Eddie says softly. He’d been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.

You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens

“N-no! No they’re ruining everything!,”

“Eddie is gone,” Dustin says.

“No,”

“He died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,” Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you weren’t even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.

“No! You’re lying! He made it out, he’s been here the whole time”

“Eddie died shortly after Chrissy did,” Max says sadly, “You stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,”

“Why are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you’re hurting yourself with these illusions,” Robin comes forwards. There’s so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.

“No,” you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, “W-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and… and,”

You turn to Eddie and he’s there but… not fully. It looks like he’s disappearing and you start to dry heave.

“You were there for his funeral. You wouldn’t leave his tombstone,” Nancy speaks up.

They’re all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but you’re hurting more when you’re doing this to yourself.

“He was just playing guitar for me!” You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.

“He died saving us all, he died for you,” Mike interjects.

“He wouldn’t leave me,” you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, “You wouldn’t leave me,”

“It’s okay,” Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.

“He didn’t leave to hurt you, Y/N. He’s a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but you’re going to be okay,” Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.

“No! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.

Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.

“It’s time,” he says.

The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and you’re so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.

“Eddiiiiiee!!!,” calling for him wouldn’t work. He wouldn’t answer. You’re hyperventilating and you’re crying out his name.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay!,” Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesn’t help, it’s not Eddie’s touch.

“No please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!” You push him off. He doesn’t take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.

“He’s still h-here. He’s st-still here,”

“No, Y/N… he’s gone,” Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because they’re seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and it’s hurting them to not be able to fix it.

“You’re l-lying,” you spit. You’re violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as you’re finally allowing grief to consume your body.

“Y/N.” El comes forward to console you even if it wouldn’t 100% help.

“W-we we’re just talking about California… w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N Munson…”

You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.

He’s gone… he’s never coming back.

And it’s time to move forward.

———

You finished packing the last of Eddie’s things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and it’s been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.

You did it for him.

You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.

Your license… the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.

Even if he wasn’t here, he’s still with you.

You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.

This is what he would want.

You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.

—————

IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG 😭 I probably won’t be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!

I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon 🤍

tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo

[canumoveurseatup-no]

It’s Time

summary: it’s hard to accept the truth

pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader

warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down

a/n: I don’t know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did I’m not trying to copy anyone!🤍

————

“Hey, Y/N are you coming to Steve’s tonight?,” Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and you’re not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and that’s what matters most.

“Uuuh I don’t think so, I have some studying to do,” you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, “I’ll catch you all at lunch though, okay?”

“Yeah!” He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.

“How is she able to smile?,”

“I don’t know, but I’ll take it as long as she’s okay. She doesn’t talk about that night,” Lucas shrugged, “Literally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,”

“We all wear grief differently,” Max added in, “I drowned myself in music and isolation. At least she’s trying to move forward and remain normal,”

Dustin frowned, knowing the pain you’re avoiding. He knows it’s going to build up and he doesn’t want that for you. Dustin hasn’t been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because they’re in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.

“Avoiding grief isn’t normal,”

———

“Baby why don’t we go spend time with your friends?,” Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, “you’ve been studying super hard with no free time,”

“The only free time I need is with you,” looking up at him and smiling, “I almost lost you that night,”

“You almost lost all of us,” Eddie corrected.

“Yeah but you’re the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,”

“Thank God,” he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, “orange isn’t my color and I don’t think I’d be able to survive not being with you all the time,”

“It’s okay, I’d break you out,” you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.

“Cmon, let’s stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,” he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.

“How about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,”

Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, you’re wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.

“I’m thinking we should just go to California like you said before,” you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldn’t figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.

But everything is fine now.

“Why the change of heart?”

“I think we’ll just thrive better there. You have your music, I’ll graduate with my cosmetology license so I don’t have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!” You signed dreamily.

“Eddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,” you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.

“California it is. You sure you’re going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?”

“Home is wherever you are, Eddie”

———

Eddie had some deals to make and told you he’d meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasn’t seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.

You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, “I’ve missed you!” She squeals.

“I miss you too! Sorry I’ve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so it’s been time consuming,”

She smiles and nods, happy that you’re at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.

“They’re going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,” you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what it’s like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, “It’s been a month since she’s passed”

“I’m glad they’re doing that for her, I’ve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, we’re here,”

“I know, Nance and I love you guys for it. I’ll meet up with you guys after school,”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you later,”

You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brother’s friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so it’s good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.

You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissy’s face on it. She doesn’t want to bring it up, she knows you’re hurting.

“Hey, how you holding up?,” She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still haven’t really been chatting much.

“I’m okay!! How are you?” You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so it’s crunch time.

“Classes are kicking my ass but I’m hanging in there. We miss you, we’re going to Lover’s Lake after school for a bonfire if you’d like to come,”

You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured you’d take Eddie’s advice and hang out with your friends, he’d probably just go over Rick’s.

“I know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,” she adds.

“Y-yeah,” you send a soft smile, “I’ll be there after I stop by to see Chrissy’s family. We’re having a memorial for her,”

“That’s so sweet,” Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, “Be safe and we’ll see you later okay? We’ll be at the lake at 6:30,”

“I’ll be there,”

———

By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadn’t seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.

You’d never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.

“Hey there, handsome,” you say softly as you walk closer.

“Hey, sweets,” his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.

“I packed your favorite,” you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.

“Chrissy’s memorial is tonight,” you tell him.

“Yeah I heard. I don’t know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s something small so don’t feel pressured, okay?” You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.

“Robin also invited us down to Lover’s Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, it’s a Friday night,”

“Yeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,”

“Don’t worry if you can’t make it. I don’t think I’m gonna stay long anyway,”

“Yeah I’ll probably get up with Steve and tell him I can’t make it,”

A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddie’s arms are just too comfortable, so it’s safe to say you were hungry.

“I love you,” you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and that’s the ring you gravitated to.

“I love you more,” he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.

The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.

“Ugh, booooo,” you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.

“It’s okay, we’re done with classes soon so it’s okay,”

“Yeah yeah” you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.

“You’re just too cute. I’ll see you at the memorial okay?”

“You’re coming?!” You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.

“Of course. For you and for her,”

———

The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissy’s mom, even though she wasn’t the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissy’s honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.

You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You can’t take anymore loss.

“All right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,” he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering “I’ll see ya later. I’ll even bring you a surprise,”

“Well now I can’t wait,” you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.

You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.

“You okay, Y/N? You’ve been very quiet lately,”

“Yeah dad, just… I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,” you mutter.

Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you don’t notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood there’s more going on that you’re not talking about and they’re trying to be patient with you.

“We’re having a gathering at Lover’s Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. We’ll be home by 9,”

“9?!” Lucas exasperates

“It’s a Friday, Y/N!,” Erica rolls her eyes.

“Well I’ll be leaving at 8:45. I don’t want to stay out all night,”

“Yeah cause all you’ll do is sulk in your room about-,”

“Lucas!” Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.

“It’s fine,” you tell her shaking your head. You’re not even hungry anymore, “Be ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,”

———

You couldn’t really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since he’s making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know he’s safe.

“Earth to Y/N!” Steve shouts. You’ve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didn’t zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but it’s a constant state of mind for you when you’re around them.

“Yeah?” You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once you’re brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do after we graduate?,”

“Going to California,” you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.

“California?,” Robin screeches, “When the hell were you going to tell us?”

“I just decided it,” you shrugged, “Eddie always talks about going there and making it big. So I’m going to try and make it big,”

All of their eyes soften at your words and you don’t know why.

“You can make it big here,” Mike adds.

“I’d crash and burn if I stayed here,” you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You don’t want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. It’s time.

“But family is here,” Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but she’d miss you if you left, because she knows if you did… you’d never come back.

“Pain.. is here,” you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.

A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it won’t come off, it’ll be there forever.

That ache will never leave.

———

For the next few days you avoid the others. You haven’t been wanting to hangout, you’ve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.

It’s been a week since you’ve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you haven’t even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.

Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but you’d just tell him you’d catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.

You’re not shutting yourself away though, you’re just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddie’s thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldn’t engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didn’t have time for that- you had plans to make.

So it’s been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you it’s like you don’t see them. They even invited you to Max’s tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, you’ve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.

So instead, said you couldn’t make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you you’re welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.

What you don’t know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddie’s trailer.

“What’s Y/N doing?” He asks aloud.

“She’s not here what are you talking about?” Lucas questions.

“Yeah because she’s over at Eddie’s,” the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but… no one is home? They know what Wayne’s truck looks like and he left an hour ago.

“I got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,”

They don’t know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.

On the other side of Eddie’s trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.

“Hahaha okay okay! I’m excited to see you too, handsome,” you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.

You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.

“You expecting anyone?” You ask him as you walk to the door

“Only you, that’s it,”

You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.

“Hey what are you guys doing here?,” you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.

“We were going to ask you the same thing,” Dustin says.

“Well,” you look around you, smiling at everything put together, “We’re about to have a movie night!”

“We?” Robin looks between all of you, “our movie night is at Max’s,”

“Not us, silly. Me and Eddie,” you say and that’s when the room gets eerily quiet.

“Y/N,” Steve mutters your name as if it’s a warning.

“What?,” you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.

You really aren’t acknowledging it.

“You’re serious?” He gives an airy chuckle, this isn’t funny he just doesn’t understand.

“Yes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so we’re watching. Right babe?” You turn to him and he nods, “See?”

“Y/N… Eddie is gone,” Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.

They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.

“Why are you talking about him as if he’s not standing right here?!” You snap, “He saved your lives have some respect,”

You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.

“Because he’s not,” Lucas says, “Y/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,”

“Shut up!,” you scoff, you weren’t believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.

“He mattered time too,” Dustin stepped in, getting real close, “What you’re experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m crazy?!” You’re angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!

All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.

“No, what I’m saying is you’re grieving and you’re trying to keep yourself together and this is how you’re doing it… but it’s not helping. It’s going to hurt you more in the long run,”

“He’s standing right..,” you look and he’s not there, “Eddie?”

Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but he’s not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, “Eddie, where did you go?” You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.

“He’s here. H-he’s still here. This isn’t funny!,” you shout as you enter the living room again.

“This isn’t some joke,” Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. “You’re my big sister, Y/N. I can’t stand seeing you like this,”

You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.

“I’m right here, baby,” he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.

“Can you tell them to leave? They’re ruining our movie night,” you plead, looking over your shoulder.

But there’s no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didn’t know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they can’t do anything to make it instantly better.

“Y/N seriously,” Erica softly begs, “you’re scaring me… a-and I’ve seen some freaky shit,”

“Get out!!,” you scream, “Eddie tell them to leave!”

“Y/N… maybe you should listen to them,” Eddie says softly. He’d been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.

You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens

“N-no! No they’re ruining everything!,”

“Eddie is gone,” Dustin says.

“No,”

“He died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,” Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you weren’t even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.

“No! You’re lying! He made it out, he’s been here the whole time”

“Eddie died shortly after Chrissy did,” Max says sadly, “You stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,”

“Why are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you’re hurting yourself with these illusions,” Robin comes forwards. There’s so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.

“No,” you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, “W-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and… and,”

You turn to Eddie and he’s there but… not fully. It looks like he’s disappearing and you start to dry heave.

“You were there for his funeral. You wouldn’t leave his tombstone,” Nancy speaks up.

They’re all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but you’re hurting more when you’re doing this to yourself.

“He was just playing guitar for me!” You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.

“He died saving us all, he died for you,” Mike interjects.

“He wouldn’t leave me,” you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, “You wouldn’t leave me,”

“It’s okay,” Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.

“He didn’t leave to hurt you, Y/N. He’s a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but you’re going to be okay,” Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.

“No! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.

Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.

“It’s time,” he says.

The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and you’re so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.

“Eddiiiiiee!!!,” calling for him wouldn’t work. He wouldn’t answer. You’re hyperventilating and you’re crying out his name.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay!,” Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesn’t help, it’s not Eddie’s touch.

“No please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!” You push him off. He doesn’t take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.

“He’s still h-here. He’s st-still here,”

“No, Y/N… he’s gone,” Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because they’re seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and it’s hurting them to not be able to fix it.

“You’re l-lying,” you spit. You’re violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as you’re finally allowing grief to consume your body.

“Y/N.” El comes forward to console you even if it wouldn’t 100% help.

“W-we we’re just talking about California… w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N Munson…”

You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.

He’s gone… he’s never coming back.

And it’s time to move forward.

———

You finished packing the last of Eddie’s things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and it’s been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.

You did it for him.

You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.

Your license… the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.

Even if he wasn’t here, he’s still with you.

You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.

This is what he would want.

You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.

—————

IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG 😭 I probably won’t be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!

I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon 🤍

tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo

[canumoveurseatup-no]

It’s Time

summary: it’s hard to accept the truth

pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader

warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down

a/n: I don’t know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did I’m not trying to copy anyone!🤍

————

“Hey, Y/N are you coming to Steve’s tonight?,” Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and you’re not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and that’s what matters most.

“Uuuh I don’t think so, I have some studying to do,” you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, “I’ll catch you all at lunch though, okay?”

“Yeah!” He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.

“How is she able to smile?,”

“I don’t know, but I’ll take it as long as she’s okay. She doesn’t talk about that night,” Lucas shrugged, “Literally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,”

“We all wear grief differently,” Max added in, “I drowned myself in music and isolation. At least she’s trying to move forward and remain normal,”

Dustin frowned, knowing the pain you’re avoiding. He knows it’s going to build up and he doesn’t want that for you. Dustin hasn’t been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because they’re in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.

“Avoiding grief isn’t normal,”

———

“Baby why don’t we go spend time with your friends?,” Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, “you’ve been studying super hard with no free time,”

“The only free time I need is with you,” looking up at him and smiling, “I almost lost you that night,”

“You almost lost all of us,” Eddie corrected.

“Yeah but you’re the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,”

“Thank God,” he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, “orange isn’t my color and I don’t think I’d be able to survive not being with you all the time,”

“It’s okay, I’d break you out,” you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.

“Cmon, let’s stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,” he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.

“How about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,”

Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, you’re wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.

“I’m thinking we should just go to California like you said before,” you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldn’t figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.

But everything is fine now.

“Why the change of heart?”

“I think we’ll just thrive better there. You have your music, I’ll graduate with my cosmetology license so I don’t have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!” You signed dreamily.

“Eddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,” you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.

“California it is. You sure you’re going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?”

“Home is wherever you are, Eddie”

———

Eddie had some deals to make and told you he’d meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasn’t seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.

You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, “I’ve missed you!” She squeals.

“I miss you too! Sorry I’ve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so it’s been time consuming,”

She smiles and nods, happy that you’re at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.

“They’re going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,” you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what it’s like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, “It’s been a month since she’s passed”

“I’m glad they’re doing that for her, I’ve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, we’re here,”

“I know, Nance and I love you guys for it. I’ll meet up with you guys after school,”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you later,”

You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brother’s friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so it’s good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.

You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissy’s face on it. She doesn’t want to bring it up, she knows you’re hurting.

“Hey, how you holding up?,” She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still haven’t really been chatting much.

“I’m okay!! How are you?” You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so it’s crunch time.

“Classes are kicking my ass but I’m hanging in there. We miss you, we’re going to Lover’s Lake after school for a bonfire if you’d like to come,”

You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured you’d take Eddie’s advice and hang out with your friends, he’d probably just go over Rick’s.

“I know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,” she adds.

“Y-yeah,” you send a soft smile, “I’ll be there after I stop by to see Chrissy’s family. We’re having a memorial for her,”

“That’s so sweet,” Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, “Be safe and we’ll see you later okay? We’ll be at the lake at 6:30,”

“I’ll be there,”

———

By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadn’t seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.

You’d never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.

“Hey there, handsome,” you say softly as you walk closer.

“Hey, sweets,” his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.

“I packed your favorite,” you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.

“Chrissy’s memorial is tonight,” you tell him.

“Yeah I heard. I don’t know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s something small so don’t feel pressured, okay?” You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.

“Robin also invited us down to Lover’s Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, it’s a Friday night,”

“Yeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,”

“Don’t worry if you can’t make it. I don’t think I’m gonna stay long anyway,”

“Yeah I’ll probably get up with Steve and tell him I can’t make it,”

A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddie’s arms are just too comfortable, so it’s safe to say you were hungry.

“I love you,” you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and that’s the ring you gravitated to.

“I love you more,” he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.

The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.

“Ugh, booooo,” you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.

“It’s okay, we’re done with classes soon so it’s okay,”

“Yeah yeah” you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.

“You’re just too cute. I’ll see you at the memorial okay?”

“You’re coming?!” You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.

“Of course. For you and for her,”

———

The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissy’s mom, even though she wasn’t the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissy’s honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.

You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You can’t take anymore loss.

“All right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,” he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering “I’ll see ya later. I’ll even bring you a surprise,”

“Well now I can’t wait,” you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.

You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.

“You okay, Y/N? You’ve been very quiet lately,”

“Yeah dad, just… I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,” you mutter.

Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you don’t notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood there’s more going on that you’re not talking about and they’re trying to be patient with you.

“We’re having a gathering at Lover’s Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. We’ll be home by 9,”

“9?!” Lucas exasperates

“It’s a Friday, Y/N!,” Erica rolls her eyes.

“Well I’ll be leaving at 8:45. I don’t want to stay out all night,”

“Yeah cause all you’ll do is sulk in your room about-,”

“Lucas!” Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.

“It’s fine,” you tell her shaking your head. You’re not even hungry anymore, “Be ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,”

———

You couldn’t really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since he’s making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know he’s safe.

“Earth to Y/N!” Steve shouts. You’ve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didn’t zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but it’s a constant state of mind for you when you’re around them.

“Yeah?” You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once you’re brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do after we graduate?,”

“Going to California,” you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.

“California?,” Robin screeches, “When the hell were you going to tell us?”

“I just decided it,” you shrugged, “Eddie always talks about going there and making it big. So I’m going to try and make it big,”

All of their eyes soften at your words and you don’t know why.

“You can make it big here,” Mike adds.

“I’d crash and burn if I stayed here,” you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You don’t want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. It’s time.

“But family is here,” Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but she’d miss you if you left, because she knows if you did… you’d never come back.

“Pain.. is here,” you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.

A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it won’t come off, it’ll be there forever.

That ache will never leave.

———

For the next few days you avoid the others. You haven’t been wanting to hangout, you’ve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.

It’s been a week since you’ve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you haven’t even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.

Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but you’d just tell him you’d catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.

You’re not shutting yourself away though, you’re just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddie’s thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldn’t engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didn’t have time for that- you had plans to make.

So it’s been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you it’s like you don’t see them. They even invited you to Max’s tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, you’ve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.

So instead, said you couldn’t make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you you’re welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.

What you don’t know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddie’s trailer.

“What’s Y/N doing?” He asks aloud.

“She’s not here what are you talking about?” Lucas questions.

“Yeah because she’s over at Eddie’s,” the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but… no one is home? They know what Wayne’s truck looks like and he left an hour ago.

“I got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,”

They don’t know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.

On the other side of Eddie’s trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.

“Hahaha okay okay! I’m excited to see you too, handsome,” you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.

You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.

“You expecting anyone?” You ask him as you walk to the door

“Only you, that’s it,”

You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.

“Hey what are you guys doing here?,” you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.

“We were going to ask you the same thing,” Dustin says.

“Well,” you look around you, smiling at everything put together, “We’re about to have a movie night!”

“We?” Robin looks between all of you, “our movie night is at Max’s,”

“Not us, silly. Me and Eddie,” you say and that’s when the room gets eerily quiet.

“Y/N,” Steve mutters your name as if it’s a warning.

“What?,” you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.

You really aren’t acknowledging it.

“You’re serious?” He gives an airy chuckle, this isn’t funny he just doesn’t understand.

“Yes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so we’re watching. Right babe?” You turn to him and he nods, “See?”

“Y/N… Eddie is gone,” Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.

They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.

“Why are you talking about him as if he’s not standing right here?!” You snap, “He saved your lives have some respect,”

You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.

“Because he’s not,” Lucas says, “Y/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,”

“Shut up!,” you scoff, you weren’t believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.

“He mattered time too,” Dustin stepped in, getting real close, “What you’re experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m crazy?!” You’re angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!

All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.

“No, what I’m saying is you’re grieving and you’re trying to keep yourself together and this is how you’re doing it… but it’s not helping. It’s going to hurt you more in the long run,”

“He’s standing right..,” you look and he’s not there, “Eddie?”

Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but he’s not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, “Eddie, where did you go?” You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.

“He’s here. H-he’s still here. This isn’t funny!,” you shout as you enter the living room again.

“This isn’t some joke,” Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. “You’re my big sister, Y/N. I can’t stand seeing you like this,”

You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.

“I’m right here, baby,” he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.

“Can you tell them to leave? They’re ruining our movie night,” you plead, looking over your shoulder.

But there’s no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didn’t know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they can’t do anything to make it instantly better.

“Y/N seriously,” Erica softly begs, “you’re scaring me… a-and I’ve seen some freaky shit,”

“Get out!!,” you scream, “Eddie tell them to leave!”

“Y/N… maybe you should listen to them,” Eddie says softly. He’d been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.

You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens

“N-no! No they’re ruining everything!,”

“Eddie is gone,” Dustin says.

“No,”

“He died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,” Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you weren’t even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.

“No! You’re lying! He made it out, he’s been here the whole time”

“Eddie died shortly after Chrissy did,” Max says sadly, “You stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,”

“Why are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you’re hurting yourself with these illusions,” Robin comes forwards. There’s so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.

“No,” you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, “W-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and… and,”

You turn to Eddie and he’s there but… not fully. It looks like he’s disappearing and you start to dry heave.

“You were there for his funeral. You wouldn’t leave his tombstone,” Nancy speaks up.

They’re all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but you’re hurting more when you’re doing this to yourself.

“He was just playing guitar for me!” You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.

“He died saving us all, he died for you,” Mike interjects.

“He wouldn’t leave me,” you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, “You wouldn’t leave me,”

“It’s okay,” Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.

“He didn’t leave to hurt you, Y/N. He’s a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but you’re going to be okay,” Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.

“No! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.

Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.

“It’s time,” he says.

The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and you’re so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.

“Eddiiiiiee!!!,” calling for him wouldn’t work. He wouldn’t answer. You’re hyperventilating and you’re crying out his name.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay!,” Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesn’t help, it’s not Eddie’s touch.

“No please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!” You push him off. He doesn’t take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.

“He’s still h-here. He’s st-still here,”

“No, Y/N… he’s gone,” Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because they’re seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and it’s hurting them to not be able to fix it.

“You’re l-lying,” you spit. You’re violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as you’re finally allowing grief to consume your body.

“Y/N.” El comes forward to console you even if it wouldn’t 100% help.

“W-we we’re just talking about California… w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N Munson…”

You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.

He’s gone… he’s never coming back.

And it’s time to move forward.

———

You finished packing the last of Eddie’s things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and it’s been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.

You did it for him.

You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.

Your license… the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.

Even if he wasn’t here, he’s still with you.

You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.

This is what he would want.

You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.

—————

IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG 😭 I probably won’t be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!

I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon 🤍

tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo

[canumoveurseatup-no]

It’s Time

summary: it’s hard to accept the truth

pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader

warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down

a/n: I don’t know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did I’m not trying to copy anyone!🤍

————

“Hey, Y/N are you coming to Steve’s tonight?,” Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and you’re not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and that’s what matters most.

“Uuuh I don’t think so, I have some studying to do,” you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, “I’ll catch you all at lunch though, okay?”

“Yeah!” He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.

“How is she able to smile?,”

“I don’t know, but I’ll take it as long as she’s okay. She doesn’t talk about that night,” Lucas shrugged, “Literally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,”

“We all wear grief differently,” Max added in, “I drowned myself in music and isolation. At least she’s trying to move forward and remain normal,”

Dustin frowned, knowing the pain you’re avoiding. He knows it’s going to build up and he doesn’t want that for you. Dustin hasn’t been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because they’re in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.

“Avoiding grief isn’t normal,”

———

“Baby why don’t we go spend time with your friends?,” Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, “you’ve been studying super hard with no free time,”

“The only free time I need is with you,” looking up at him and smiling, “I almost lost you that night,”

“You almost lost all of us,” Eddie corrected.

“Yeah but you’re the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,”

“Thank God,” he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, “orange isn’t my color and I don’t think I’d be able to survive not being with you all the time,”

“It’s okay, I’d break you out,” you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.

“Cmon, let’s stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,” he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.

“How about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,”

Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, you’re wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.

“I’m thinking we should just go to California like you said before,” you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldn’t figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.

But everything is fine now.

“Why the change of heart?”

“I think we’ll just thrive better there. You have your music, I’ll graduate with my cosmetology license so I don’t have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!” You signed dreamily.

“Eddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,” you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.

“California it is. You sure you’re going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?”

“Home is wherever you are, Eddie”

———

Eddie had some deals to make and told you he’d meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasn’t seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.

You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, “I’ve missed you!” She squeals.

“I miss you too! Sorry I’ve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so it’s been time consuming,”

She smiles and nods, happy that you’re at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.

“They’re going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,” you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what it’s like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, “It’s been a month since she’s passed”

“I’m glad they’re doing that for her, I’ve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, we’re here,”

“I know, Nance and I love you guys for it. I’ll meet up with you guys after school,”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you later,”

You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brother’s friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so it’s good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.

You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissy’s face on it. She doesn’t want to bring it up, she knows you’re hurting.

“Hey, how you holding up?,” She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still haven’t really been chatting much.

“I’m okay!! How are you?” You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so it’s crunch time.

“Classes are kicking my ass but I’m hanging in there. We miss you, we’re going to Lover’s Lake after school for a bonfire if you’d like to come,”

You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured you’d take Eddie’s advice and hang out with your friends, he’d probably just go over Rick’s.

“I know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,” she adds.

“Y-yeah,” you send a soft smile, “I’ll be there after I stop by to see Chrissy’s family. We’re having a memorial for her,”

“That’s so sweet,” Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, “Be safe and we’ll see you later okay? We’ll be at the lake at 6:30,”

“I’ll be there,”

———

By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadn’t seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.

You’d never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.

“Hey there, handsome,” you say softly as you walk closer.

“Hey, sweets,” his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.

“I packed your favorite,” you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.

“Chrissy’s memorial is tonight,” you tell him.

“Yeah I heard. I don’t know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s something small so don’t feel pressured, okay?” You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.

“Robin also invited us down to Lover’s Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, it’s a Friday night,”

“Yeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,”

“Don’t worry if you can’t make it. I don’t think I’m gonna stay long anyway,”

“Yeah I’ll probably get up with Steve and tell him I can’t make it,”

A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddie’s arms are just too comfortable, so it’s safe to say you were hungry.

“I love you,” you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and that’s the ring you gravitated to.

“I love you more,” he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.

The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.

“Ugh, booooo,” you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.

“It’s okay, we’re done with classes soon so it’s okay,”

“Yeah yeah” you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.

“You’re just too cute. I’ll see you at the memorial okay?”

“You’re coming?!” You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.

“Of course. For you and for her,”

———

The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissy’s mom, even though she wasn’t the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissy’s honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.

You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You can’t take anymore loss.

“All right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,” he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering “I’ll see ya later. I’ll even bring you a surprise,”

“Well now I can’t wait,” you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.

You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.

“You okay, Y/N? You’ve been very quiet lately,”

“Yeah dad, just… I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,” you mutter.

Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you don’t notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood there’s more going on that you’re not talking about and they’re trying to be patient with you.

“We’re having a gathering at Lover’s Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. We’ll be home by 9,”

“9?!” Lucas exasperates

“It’s a Friday, Y/N!,” Erica rolls her eyes.

“Well I’ll be leaving at 8:45. I don’t want to stay out all night,”

“Yeah cause all you’ll do is sulk in your room about-,”

“Lucas!” Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.

“It’s fine,” you tell her shaking your head. You’re not even hungry anymore, “Be ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,”

———

You couldn’t really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since he’s making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know he’s safe.

“Earth to Y/N!” Steve shouts. You’ve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didn’t zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but it’s a constant state of mind for you when you’re around them.

“Yeah?” You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once you’re brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do after we graduate?,”

“Going to California,” you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.

“California?,” Robin screeches, “When the hell were you going to tell us?”

“I just decided it,” you shrugged, “Eddie always talks about going there and making it big. So I’m going to try and make it big,”

All of their eyes soften at your words and you don’t know why.

“You can make it big here,” Mike adds.

“I’d crash and burn if I stayed here,” you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You don’t want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. It’s time.

“But family is here,” Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but she’d miss you if you left, because she knows if you did… you’d never come back.

“Pain.. is here,” you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.

A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it won’t come off, it’ll be there forever.

That ache will never leave.

———

For the next few days you avoid the others. You haven’t been wanting to hangout, you’ve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.

It’s been a week since you’ve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you haven’t even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.

Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but you’d just tell him you’d catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.

You’re not shutting yourself away though, you’re just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddie’s thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldn’t engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didn’t have time for that- you had plans to make.

So it’s been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you it’s like you don’t see them. They even invited you to Max’s tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, you’ve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.

So instead, said you couldn’t make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you you’re welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.

What you don’t know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddie’s trailer.

“What’s Y/N doing?” He asks aloud.

“She’s not here what are you talking about?” Lucas questions.

“Yeah because she’s over at Eddie’s,” the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but… no one is home? They know what Wayne’s truck looks like and he left an hour ago.

“I got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,”

They don’t know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.

On the other side of Eddie’s trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.

“Hahaha okay okay! I’m excited to see you too, handsome,” you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.

You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.

“You expecting anyone?” You ask him as you walk to the door

“Only you, that’s it,”

You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.

“Hey what are you guys doing here?,” you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.

“We were going to ask you the same thing,” Dustin says.

“Well,” you look around you, smiling at everything put together, “We’re about to have a movie night!”

“We?” Robin looks between all of you, “our movie night is at Max’s,”

“Not us, silly. Me and Eddie,” you say and that’s when the room gets eerily quiet.

“Y/N,” Steve mutters your name as if it’s a warning.

“What?,” you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.

You really aren’t acknowledging it.

“You’re serious?” He gives an airy chuckle, this isn’t funny he just doesn’t understand.

“Yes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so we’re watching. Right babe?” You turn to him and he nods, “See?”

“Y/N… Eddie is gone,” Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.

They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.

“Why are you talking about him as if he’s not standing right here?!” You snap, “He saved your lives have some respect,”

You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.

“Because he’s not,” Lucas says, “Y/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,”

“Shut up!,” you scoff, you weren’t believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.

“He mattered time too,” Dustin stepped in, getting real close, “What you’re experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m crazy?!” You’re angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!

All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.

“No, what I’m saying is you’re grieving and you’re trying to keep yourself together and this is how you’re doing it… but it’s not helping. It’s going to hurt you more in the long run,”

“He’s standing right..,” you look and he’s not there, “Eddie?”

Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but he’s not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, “Eddie, where did you go?” You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.

“He’s here. H-he’s still here. This isn’t funny!,” you shout as you enter the living room again.

“This isn’t some joke,” Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. “You’re my big sister, Y/N. I can’t stand seeing you like this,”

You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.

“I’m right here, baby,” he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.

“Can you tell them to leave? They’re ruining our movie night,” you plead, looking over your shoulder.

But there’s no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didn’t know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they can’t do anything to make it instantly better.

“Y/N seriously,” Erica softly begs, “you’re scaring me… a-and I’ve seen some freaky shit,”

“Get out!!,” you scream, “Eddie tell them to leave!”

“Y/N… maybe you should listen to them,” Eddie says softly. He’d been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.

You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens

“N-no! No they’re ruining everything!,”

“Eddie is gone,” Dustin says.

“No,”

“He died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,” Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you weren’t even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.

“No! You’re lying! He made it out, he’s been here the whole time”

“Eddie died shortly after Chrissy did,” Max says sadly, “You stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,”

“Why are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you’re hurting yourself with these illusions,” Robin comes forwards. There’s so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.

“No,” you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, “W-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and… and,”

You turn to Eddie and he’s there but… not fully. It looks like he’s disappearing and you start to dry heave.

“You were there for his funeral. You wouldn’t leave his tombstone,” Nancy speaks up.

They’re all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but you’re hurting more when you’re doing this to yourself.

“He was just playing guitar for me!” You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.

“He died saving us all, he died for you,” Mike interjects.

“He wouldn’t leave me,” you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, “You wouldn’t leave me,”

“It’s okay,” Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.

“He didn’t leave to hurt you, Y/N. He’s a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but you’re going to be okay,” Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.

“No! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.

Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.

“It’s time,” he says.

The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and you’re so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.

“Eddiiiiiee!!!,” calling for him wouldn’t work. He wouldn’t answer. You’re hyperventilating and you’re crying out his name.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay!,” Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesn’t help, it’s not Eddie’s touch.

“No please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!” You push him off. He doesn’t take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.

“He’s still h-here. He’s st-still here,”

“No, Y/N… he’s gone,” Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because they’re seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and it’s hurting them to not be able to fix it.

“You’re l-lying,” you spit. You’re violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as you’re finally allowing grief to consume your body.

“Y/N.” El comes forward to console you even if it wouldn’t 100% help.

“W-we we’re just talking about California… w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N Munson…”

You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.

He’s gone… he’s never coming back.

And it’s time to move forward.

———

You finished packing the last of Eddie’s things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and it’s been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.

You did it for him.

You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.

Your license… the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.

Even if he wasn’t here, he’s still with you.

You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.

This is what he would want.

You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.

—————

IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG 😭 I probably won’t be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!

I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon 🤍

tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo

[canumoveurseatup-no]

It’s Time

summary: it’s hard to accept the truth

pairings : eddie x Sinclair!reader

warnings: angst, grief, in denial about death, breaking down

a/n: I don’t know if anyone did this concept for Eddie already but if they did I’m not trying to copy anyone!🤍

————

“Hey, Y/N are you coming to Steve’s tonight?,” Dustin asked. Everyone has been tiptoeing around you since you all defeated Vecna and you’re not sure why. Sure some lives were lost but you still have Eddie and your little siblings and that’s what matters most.

“Uuuh I don’t think so, I have some studying to do,” you give the freshman a smile, even with you smiling, Dustin looked at you like he had something to say, “I’ll catch you all at lunch though, okay?”

“Yeah!” He gave a weak smile and turned to walk over to his friends, seeing your younger brother.

“How is she able to smile?,”

“I don’t know, but I’ll take it as long as she’s okay. She doesn’t talk about that night,” Lucas shrugged, “Literally the next day she woke up happy as ever asking Erica if they wanted to go on a shopping date,”

“We all wear grief differently,” Max added in, “I drowned myself in music and isolation. At least she’s trying to move forward and remain normal,”

Dustin frowned, knowing the pain you’re avoiding. He knows it’s going to build up and he doesn’t want that for you. Dustin hasn’t been able to sleep well since that night and everyone has just been able to move forward. He knows issues with the upside down have been a reoccurring issue, but something about this time around just stuck with him and no one else understands because they’re in such a rush to move on and live normal lives.

“Avoiding grief isn’t normal,”

———

“Baby why don’t we go spend time with your friends?,” Eddie questioned. Mindlessly strumming his guitar, admiring the little frown you have on your face from focusing, “you’ve been studying super hard with no free time,”

“The only free time I need is with you,” looking up at him and smiling, “I almost lost you that night,”

“You almost lost all of us,” Eddie corrected.

“Yeah but you’re the one I plan on spending the rest of my life with so that night solidified it that I need to be with you more, especially after your name was cleared,”

“Thank God,” he huffed, setting his guitar back on the wall to come over to you, towering over you to give you a kiss on your cheek, “orange isn’t my color and I don’t think I’d be able to survive not being with you all the time,”

“It’s okay, I’d break you out,” you giggle and just stare at him. He looks much more tired than usual, everyone does but Eddie has been through a lot. Being blamed for murder, being in the run being attacked in the Upside Down and having to heal from that.

“Cmon, let’s stop studying for tonight and go be with your friends,” he helped you stand up but you wrapped your arms around him bringing him down for a kiss.

“How about we just stay in and talk about our plans to leave this hellhole,”

Eddie just smiled at you and you both got ready for bed, once you are, you’re wrapped in his arms and feel so safe.

“I’m thinking we should just go to California like you said before,” you started, right before all this Vecna bullshit you Eddie was actually starting to get the attention of record label executives and had many offers, he just couldn’t figure out which deal to go for, then shit hit the fan.

But everything is fine now.

“Why the change of heart?”

“I think we’ll just thrive better there. You have your music, I’ll graduate with my cosmetology license so I don’t have to go to college. We could be big out there, Eddie!” You signed dreamily.

“Eddie and Y/N Munson. We could be big names in a big city,” you added. Eddie squeezed you tighter as you dreamed about your near future together.

“California it is. You sure you’re going to be able to leave this place behind? Your home?”

“Home is wherever you are, Eddie”

———

Eddie had some deals to make and told you he’d meet you at school. When you pull up, Lucas wastes no time jumping out of the car to be with his friends and Erica jumped out walking over to her friends over at the middle school. Nancy pulled up beside you to drop Mike off and waved happily when she saw you. She hasn’t seen you in a few days because you lock yourself away studying and spending time with Eddie.

You quickly get out of your car and get to her. She gets out and gives you a big hug, “I’ve missed you!” She squeals.

“I miss you too! Sorry I’ve been busy studying for my cosmetology license so it’s been time consuming,”

She smiles and nods, happy that you’re at least keeping up with your grades in the midst of grief.

“They’re going to do a moment of silence for Chrissy today,” you let her know. She knows Chrissy was your best friend and she knows what it’s like to lose a best friend, so she empathizes, “It’s been a month since she’s passed”

“I’m glad they’re doing that for her, I’ve seen the vigils for all those who were lost during that time. You let me know if you need anything okay? Any of us, we’re here,”

“I know, Nance and I love you guys for it. I’ll meet up with you guys after school,”

“Sounds good, I’ll see you later,”

You two say your goodbyes and Nancy goes over to meet with Jonathan as you head into school, waving to your brother’s friends who you have adopted as little siblings as well. Will and El are back so it’s good to see them finally have a normal life and school year.

You meet up with Robin as you two have lockers right beside each other. She sees you in your cheerleading uniform, white cardigan with a button that has Chrissy’s face on it. She doesn’t want to bring it up, she knows you’re hurting.

“Hey, how you holding up?,” She asks quietly. While you have been moving through life normally, you still haven’t really been chatting much.

“I’m okay!! How are you?” You question, she looks exhausted, you all are. The school year ends in a few months so it’s crunch time.

“Classes are kicking my ass but I’m hanging in there. We miss you, we’re going to Lover’s Lake after school for a bonfire if you’d like to come,”

You weigh your options, not knowing if you want to stay in with Eddie or go with them. You figured you’d take Eddie’s advice and hang out with your friends, he’d probably just go over Rick’s.

“I know the lake is still a sore spot but we figured we could give it a new history,” she adds.

“Y-yeah,” you send a soft smile, “I’ll be there after I stop by to see Chrissy’s family. We’re having a memorial for her,”

“That’s so sweet,” Robin gives you a hug and takes a deep breath, it seems like she needed this hug more than you did, “Be safe and we’ll see you later okay? We’ll be at the lake at 6:30,”

“I’ll be there,”

———

By the time lunch came you were finally able to see Eddie. You did tell Jonathan in third hour that you were going to sit with them at lunch but you hadn’t seen Eddie since this morning. So, you took your lunch box and walked out to the clearing with the picnic table and he was sitting there, smiling at you.

You’d never forget that smile, nor get sick of it.

“Hey there, handsome,” you say softly as you walk closer.

“Hey, sweets,” his big brown eyes looked at you like you hand painted all the stars in the universe.

“I packed your favorite,” you sat down and opened your lunchbox handing him a bologna sandwich with pickles, mustard and pepper Jack cheese. He thanks you and waits for you to get all of your lunch out before eating, he always waited for you to start eating before he did.

“Chrissy’s memorial is tonight,” you tell him.

“Yeah I heard. I don’t know if I should go. Even though my name is cleared I feel awful,”

“It’s okay, baby. It’s something small so don’t feel pressured, okay?” You reached over to squeeze his hands to comfort him, this entire situation has been traumatizing for everyone but especially Eddie.

“Robin also invited us down to Lover’s Lake if you wanna come but I know you probably have some deals to make, it’s a Friday night,”

“Yeah me and Rick have a party to deal to so it might take a while,”

“Don’t worry if you can’t make it. I don’t think I’m gonna stay long anyway,”

“Yeah I’ll probably get up with Steve and tell him I can’t make it,”

A comfortable silence fell between you two as the both of you ate. You were the first to finish, you hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning because you overslept. Eddie’s arms are just too comfortable, so it’s safe to say you were hungry.

“I love you,” you let him know. Adoring his smile lines, his frizzy hair, his hands, everything about him. You wear your favorite ring of his 24/7. It was the skull one, you always played with his hands and that’s the ring you gravitated to.

“I love you more,” he stared at you with this longing, like he missed you and never wanted to let go.

The two of you sat and talked for the remainder of lunch. Cracking jokes and talking about movies and conspiracy theories. It was always fun like this, until the bell rang.

“Ugh, booooo,” you huff packing up your belongings and trash from lunch.

“It’s okay, we’re done with classes soon so it’s okay,”

“Yeah yeah” you pout. He kisses your poked out lip, pushing it back to its normal position and smiles against your lip.

“You’re just too cute. I’ll see you at the memorial okay?”

“You’re coming?!” You smile brightly. You know Chrissy would want him there.

“Of course. For you and for her,”

———

The memorial was emotional as expected. No one batted an eye that Eddie was there and that was a relief to both of you. You had talked to Chrissy’s mom, even though she wasn’t the best mother, that was still her daughter that is no longer here. Your cheer team performed a routine in Chrissy’s honor and the basketball team was there too. It was a short gathering, you were glad you two went.

You miss Chrissy more than words can describe. You can’t take anymore loss.

“All right, sweets. I gotta go meet Rick okay?,” he helps you get in your car and gives you a soft kiss before whispering “I’ll see ya later. I’ll even bring you a surprise,”

“Well now I can’t wait,” you laughed. You sat and made sure he got in his car okay and then you both went your different ways, honking at each other and waving as you two went opposite directions.

You went home and had dinner with your family. You were quiet, still emotional after the memorial.

“You okay, Y/N? You’ve been very quiet lately,”

“Yeah dad, just… I lost my best friend a month ago today. Still fresh,” you mutter.

Lucas and Erica make eye contact that you don’t notice. Talking without using their mouths, they understood there’s more going on that you’re not talking about and they’re trying to be patient with you.

“We’re having a gathering at Lover’s Lake. I can take the kids to hang with their friends. We’ll be home by 9,”

“9?!” Lucas exasperates

“It’s a Friday, Y/N!,” Erica rolls her eyes.

“Well I’ll be leaving at 8:45. I don’t want to stay out all night,”

“Yeah cause all you’ll do is sulk in your room about-,”

“Lucas!” Your mom reacts, wide eyes and glaring at your brother.

“It’s fine,” you tell her shaking your head. You’re not even hungry anymore, “Be ready by 6:15 if you guys are going,”

———

You couldn’t really enjoy the night without Eddie there. You were hoping he was safe and not getting in any fights or robbed since he’s making deals tonight. You just want him by your side so you know he’s safe.

“Earth to Y/N!” Steve shouts. You’ve been doing that a lot lately and they never mention it, but best believe they notice it. Before all of this went down, you didn’t zone out like that. They know zoning out here and there is normal, but it’s a constant state of mind for you when you’re around them.

“Yeah?” You snap out of it and look to see him across from you. Once you’re brought back to focus, you can feel the heat of the fire on your face, you can hear the wind rustling the leaves, you can hear the water rippling, you can feel them staring at you with concern.

“Have you decided what you’re going to do after we graduate?,”

“Going to California,” you deadpan. There was no doubt in your mind about it.

“California?,” Robin screeches, “When the hell were you going to tell us?”

“I just decided it,” you shrugged, “Eddie always talks about going there and making it big. So I’m going to try and make it big,”

All of their eyes soften at your words and you don’t know why.

“You can make it big here,” Mike adds.

“I’d crash and burn if I stayed here,” you answer. Sulking once again. Thinking about all of those who were unfortunate, unsuspecting victims to the dark secrets of Hawkins. You don’t want to stay here anymore. You need to move out and move on. It’s time.

“But family is here,” Erica said. Sure she was a little brat but she’d miss you if you left, because she knows if you did… you’d never come back.

“Pain.. is here,” you looked to her and take a sip of your drink, getting up and walking to the edge of the lake, staring out at the moonlit water. Your mind flashed to that night. You, Eddie, Nancy, Steve and Robin diving in through the gate, you all fought tooth and nail to get out, fighting against the creatures that lived there, even through the final battle.

A shiver runs down your back at that thought. You all made it out but at what cost? Now you barely sleep, barely eat, barely talk. All of this left a stain on your soul and it won’t come off, it’ll be there forever.

That ache will never leave.

———

For the next few days you avoid the others. You haven’t been wanting to hangout, you’ve been staying at home, locking yourself away from your siblings in your room, making the plans for California with Eddie.

It’s been a week since you’ve talked to any of them. Avoiding them in the halls, at lunch, after school- you haven’t even muttered a word to Lucas or Erica, they were more worried now than ever.

Nancy and Robin always tried to invite you out to the movie or out for milkshakes but you always declined. Dustin always tried to come to you about science things and what not but you’d just tell him you’d catch him later. Max would try to tell you she was there and she understands the pain of losing someone and to not shut yourself away.

You’re not shutting yourself away though, you’re just focusing on yourself and your relationship. Mike and Will always tried to get you to join them at Hellfire Club but you denied them that satisfaction, leaving that to be Eddie’s thing, you never did understand D&D much so you gave up a while ago. El would come to you about girly things but you wouldn’t engage much. Steve and Jonathan always invited you to smoke but you didn’t have time for that- you had plans to make.

So it’s been a week of torture for them. You ignoring them and when they are finally face to face with you it’s like you don’t see them. They even invited you to Max’s tonight for a horror movie marathon but you declined, you’ve had enough jumpscares to last a lifetime.

So instead, said you couldn’t make it and planned a movie night with Eddie at his trailer. Wayne would be at work and you have a spare key, Wayne telling you you’re welcome over at any time. You brought snacks and drinks and his favorite pizza, BBQ chicken.

What you don’t know is that Steve sees your car pull up at Eddie’s trailer.

“What’s Y/N doing?” He asks aloud.

“She’s not here what are you talking about?” Lucas questions.

“Yeah because she’s over at Eddie’s,” the other come join him in the kitchen to watch you through the window struggling with all the items in your hand. They can hear you talking, but… no one is home? They know what Wayne’s truck looks like and he left an hour ago.

“I got your favorites! and I got that new comedy movie you were talking about,”

They don’t know who you were talking to and majority of them got a sinking feeling in their stomach.

On the other side of Eddie’s trailer though, he had his arms wrapped around your waist, smothering you in kisses and muttering I love yous and I miss yous.

“Hahaha okay okay! I’m excited to see you too, handsome,” you kiss him deeply and pull away, just smiling. You were so glad you had someone like him in your life.

You get everything set up and you and Eddie are talking about your day when you hear a knock on the door.

“You expecting anyone?” You ask him as you walk to the door

“Only you, that’s it,”

You open the door and see the others staring at you with questioning eyes and skeptical looks. Looks of pity and looks of concern.

“Hey what are you guys doing here?,” you smile brightly and move aside to let them in.

“We were going to ask you the same thing,” Dustin says.

“Well,” you look around you, smiling at everything put together, “We’re about to have a movie night!”

“We?” Robin looks between all of you, “our movie night is at Max’s,”

“Not us, silly. Me and Eddie,” you say and that’s when the room gets eerily quiet.

“Y/N,” Steve mutters your name as if it’s a warning.

“What?,” you ask, eyes wide as you lick the barbecue sauce off your finger.

You really aren’t acknowledging it.

“You’re serious?” He gives an airy chuckle, this isn’t funny he just doesn’t understand.

“Yes! Eddie wanted to see this movie so we’re watching. Right babe?” You turn to him and he nods, “See?”

“Y/N… Eddie is gone,” Max steps forward but you move around them all to finish setting up. You got the drink and your cups, setting them on the table.

They notice the two plates, two cups, two drinks.

“Why are you talking about him as if he’s not standing right here?!” You snap, “He saved your lives have some respect,”

You never raise your voice at any of them but their attitudes are pissing you off.

“Because he’s not,” Lucas says, “Y/N, you need to snap out of it and realize this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Eddie died a month ago,”

“Shut up!,” you scoff, you weren’t believing their words not when Eddie was standing right beside you.

“He mattered time too,” Dustin stepped in, getting real close, “What you’re experiencing is called bereavement hallucinations,”

“What are you trying to say? That I’m crazy?!” You’re angry now. How dare they come in here, making space for themselves and hurl these words at you?!

All of them realize your anger is just masking you being in denial.

“No, what I’m saying is you’re grieving and you’re trying to keep yourself together and this is how you’re doing it… but it’s not helping. It’s going to hurt you more in the long run,”

“He’s standing right..,” you look and he’s not there, “Eddie?”

Your voice cracks and you look around to look for him but he’s not there. You run to his bedroom calling his name, “Eddie, where did you go?” You call out, sadness bleeding into your tone.

“He’s here. H-he’s still here. This isn’t funny!,” you shout as you enter the living room again.

“This isn’t some joke,” Lucas says softly. He can see you cracking around the edges. Reality was seeping into the cracks and dripping down into your perception. You were starting to see the truth. “You’re my big sister, Y/N. I can’t stand seeing you like this,”

You close your eyes and use emotional tape to heal those cracks. Then you hear his voice again.

“I’m right here, baby,” he whispers and you calm down again, wiping your tears.

“Can you tell them to leave? They’re ruining our movie night,” you plead, looking over your shoulder.

But there’s no one there. Not for them to see. They were watching you talk to a wall and they didn’t know how to handle it. Their dearest friend was falling apart at the seams and they can’t do anything to make it instantly better.

“Y/N seriously,” Erica softly begs, “you’re scaring me… a-and I’ve seen some freaky shit,”

“Get out!!,” you scream, “Eddie tell them to leave!”

“Y/N… maybe you should listen to them,” Eddie says softly. He’d been wanting to say this. This part of your conscience, has been wanting to say this.

You snap your head to him and your demeanor softens

“N-no! No they’re ruining everything!,”

“Eddie is gone,” Dustin says.

“No,”

“He died in the upside down. You were there. You held him in your arms,” Robin adds. She knows how all of this went. She found you with his lifeless body, you weren’t even crying, you were just talking to him. Holding him.

“No! You’re lying! He made it out, he’s been here the whole time”

“Eddie died shortly after Chrissy did,” Max says sadly, “You stayed there with his body for two days. We thought you were gone too,”

“Why are you guys lying? Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because you’re hurting yourself with these illusions,” Robin comes forwards. There’s so many of them here. Too many and all you want is Eddie.

“No,” you wrap your arms around yourself, the smell of his hoodie engulfing you, “W-we were just talking the other day about moving to California, starting a family a-and… and,”

You turn to Eddie and he’s there but… not fully. It looks like he’s disappearing and you start to dry heave.

“You were there for his funeral. You wouldn’t leave his tombstone,” Nancy speaks up.

They’re all trying to snap you out of it. It may seem harsh but you’re hurting more when you’re doing this to yourself.

“He was just playing guitar for me!” You sob. Hands flying over your ears to shut them up.

“He died saving us all, he died for you,” Mike interjects.

“He wouldn’t leave me,” you shake your head, glaring at Mike, you turn to Eddie and shake your head even harder, “You wouldn’t leave me,”

“It’s okay,” Eddie nods and it makes your chest hurt. You can barely keep yourself up, stumbling backwards.

“He didn’t leave to hurt you, Y/N. He’s a hero. He saved us and I know it hurts but you’re going to be okay,” Steve comes forward and grabs your wrists, but you fall and slip through his grasp, clenching at your chest.

“No! No! Shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” Voice hoarse, eyes burning with tears.

Eddie comes over and kneels down to be to your level, lifting your chin up and giving you the softest kiss ever. It was a goodbye kiss.

“It’s time,” he says.

The scream that you let out is one that shakes the trailer. He disappears before your eyes and you’re so lightheaded you feel as though you could pass out.

“Eddiiiiiee!!!,” calling for him wouldn’t work. He wouldn’t answer. You’re hyperventilating and you’re crying out his name.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay!,” Lucas rushes to you and engulfs you in a hug but it doesn’t help, it’s not Eddie’s touch.

“No please! Pl-please. This.. this is some sick joke!” You push him off. He doesn’t take offense though. Your fairytale world is crashing around you and the debris is suffocating you.

“He’s still h-here. He’s st-still here,”

“No, Y/N… he’s gone,” Dustin cries. Dustin is crying because he knows the pain of losing Eddie. The others are crying because they’re seeing their sister and loved one have a completely emotional breakdown and it’s hurting them to not be able to fix it.

“You’re l-lying,” you spit. You’re violently shaking, choking on your own saliva as you cry. Your body is aching as you’re finally allowing grief to consume your body.

“Y/N.” El comes forward to console you even if it wouldn’t 100% help.

“W-we we’re just talking about California… w-were sup-supposed to be Eddie and Y/N Munson…”

You held on tight to your brother as he rocked you, Erica holding your hand.

He’s gone… he’s never coming back.

And it’s time to move forward.

———

You finished packing the last of Eddie’s things that you wanted to bring with you. The last few months have been hard and it’s been even more difficult to keep your head above water but you did it.

You did it for him.

You were heading to California. You made sure to spend as much time with everyone as possible, making up for lost time. You slammed the trunk to your car shut and put your sunglasses on. You double checked everything , making sure you had all the important things. Your money, your cards.

Your license… the new license that had your new name on it. Y/N Munson.

Even if he wasn’t here, he’s still with you.

You pull out of the trailer park driving past the sign. You take one last look in your rear view mirror and see the apparition of Eddie Munson blowing you a kiss and slowly waving. A deep sob escapes your lips as you move your eyes from the mirror, focusing forward.

This is what he would want.

You have to embrace your pain, that is the only place you can truly heal and find growth.

—————

IM CRYIIING I CRIED WRITING THIS OMFG 😭 I probably won’t be doing a tag list for this so please reblog, comment and like!!!

I love you all and will be coming back full force very soon 🤍

tags: @blackreaders-assemble @mbaku-babygirl @babybubastis @honeyjasminetea @warmchick @valentinevirgo @persephones24 @dumbchick @micki-smiles @here-for-your-bullshit @dayasvalkyrie @xye-weirdo @disaster-rose @dumbchickwrites @pastelastronomy24 @baphomet-wears-gucci @buckybarnesplumwhore @valkryienymph @mariahthelioness29 @taylortheeshowpony @alyssaj23 @endlesslymedusa @areubeingserved @9daykrisr @missdforever @bitchacho25 @ijustrepost @suchababie @queenoftheworldisdead @beautiful-loserr @the2daily4scoop @jin0 @smoothy-ve @oh-nohoney @sambucky8 @princess-toshii @sebbyslut @titty-teetee @ilovefanfic86 @topshopwhxre @berrybimbo

[canumoveurseatup-no]

THANK YOU SO MUCH! The series is almost complete, you can find my masterlist for it a few posts down. It’s titled “Listening Party Masterlist”❤️🥰

front row seats

part two to listening party - please read warnings before continuing to read, don’t read if any of those warnings bother you.

summary: why listen when they can just watch? and maybe even... participate?

pairing: bruce x black!reader (18+ as always), avengers x black!reader 18+

wc: 3k (did this on mobile so sorry for no ‘keep reading’ tan)

warnings: NASTY NASTY NASTY!! Please be 18+!! age gap, exhibitionism (fuckin in front of the team), voyeurism (the team watching you get fucked), creampie yet again, crying kink again (bc i’m a submissive whore and love it when ppl make me cry during sex), choking, daddy kink, crude language, squirting, masturbation, rough sex, subspace, toe sucking (not a fan of it but wanted to try writing it lmao), oral (male and female both receiving), anal play, orgy tendencies

a/n: just noticed i reached 3000+?! wow, it still amazes me that i even have followers at all and lovely people who appreciate my work. i hope y’all know i mean it when i say i love y’all bc you’re encouraging a passion of mine, thank you so much!

———————

“Okay but before you head off to fuck the night away...can we watch this time?,” Tony was not afraid to be blunt. He said what everyone else was thinking

“Tony, you can’t just ask people to watch them go at it!.” Steve was completely appalled by Tony’s actions but he was hoping deep down you and Bruce said yes

“Well everyone’s thinking it! My ‘listening party’ file is filling up. I demand front row seats,”

“Okay.” You and Bruce look at each other and just shrug. They’ve heard enough to make a whole playlist- might as well give them a mental visual download.

Sam’s eyes widen and he sits up straight in his chair, “Woah, seriously?,”

“We’re comfortable enough with ourselves to put on a show,” Bruce’s hand rubbed circles on your back which had you leaning into him.

Bucky was the first to stand up, rubbing his hands together, ready to get this show on the road. “Well slather butter on my ass and call me a turkey, this is great!,”

You snickered and shook your head, taking Bruce’s hand to lead him to the bedroom, “Barnes, don’t ever say that again,”

—————

“But I want that seat!,”

“No, I sat here first!,”

“Natasha, mooooove,” Tony stomped his foot like a child before just deciding to take the chair from under her and sitting in it. This would give him a perfect view of all angles.

“I’m gonna find your listening file and delete it all!,”

“You wouldn’t dare!,”

“Would y’all sit down and shut up!,” Sam had taken a seat by the window that way he’d have a good side profile view of you. Thor sat with a beer in his hand beside Wanda at the left corner of the bed, Bucky and Steve sat beside each other by the closet, they were farthest away, but the view was still perfect, Natasha, Clint and Tony sat at the foot of the bed, lined up like three musketeers.

The bickering stopped when they heard a sweet whimper fall past your lips. Your back was against Bruce’s chest and you held a body wand against your sensitive clit, Bruce kissing your shoulders and neck while twisting, pinching and tugging your nipples.

“Want you to get your pussy nice and wet for everyone, okay dove?,”

Your hips buck up into the head of the wand as you turned the vibrations up, “y-yes Daddy,”

“Oh she kills me with that,” Tony sighs to himself. If only you were calling him that. Tony wanted you so bad, more than anyone else if he did say so himself.

“Keep playing with that pussy, baby. Get yourself all slippery and creamy for us,”

Your hands shook as the realization hit that you were actually being watched. It not only terrified you but turned you on all in the same breath.

“Oh she’s about cum already, I can smell it on her. It’s delicious,” Thor takes a swig from his beer and cleared his throat while his eyes remained glued to your glistening heat.

“Is he right, dove? You about to cum?,” Bruce pinched your nipples harder making your moans fall on their ears like a beautiful symphony.

“Gonna cum,” you confirm.

He flicked the switch higher and your legs shook harder as you fought your body to keep the wand against your clit. You were easily overstimulated but you loved it due to the euphoria subspace brings in the midst of it.

“Gonna be a good girl and show them how cute you look when you cum?,”

Everyone was still surprised with the way Bruce talked to you. So encouraging yet sweetly nasty.

They all had their eyes glued on you. Not sure whether to keep their eyes on your pussy or your facial expressions, an internal conflict they all had to fight because both were sinfully enticing.

Bruce’s hands pin your thighs down as you threw the toy to the side once you started to cum. Their jaws dropped when they saw gushes of clear fluid coming from you. Your body convulsing as gush after gush came. Squirting right at the foot of the bed where the three sat.

“Oh Jesus,” Sam whispered to himself

“This... is why I wanted a front row seat,” Tony pointed to the wetness on your comforter.

“I can die happy after seeing that,” Wanda whimpered.

Right along with Wanda, you whimpered as well as Bruce wrapped a hand around your throat and fingers entering your soaking pussy. The wetness was explicit as it made sloppy noises while he finger fucked you. You couldn’t catch your breath with him choking you, you didn’t want to.

“Harder, Daddy!,” wanting it all. You moved against his fingers and clasped your hands over his to get him to squeeze your throat harder. You wanted your pulse to pound like ceremonial drums.

Steve was entranced with the way your eyes fluttered. So genuine and overtaken with pleasure, he watched the way your little toes curled, you were about to cum again.

“Who wants to finish her off?,”

“Me!,” Thor shot straight up and moved across the bed. Everyone groaning at themselves for being too enthralled in you to realize what Bruce asked.

He removed his fingers and held them to his side

“Can I taste her then?,” Wanda asked, eyeing Bruce’s dripping fingers, she was parched and only you could quench her thirst.

Thor pushed two of his thick fingers deep in you. Seemingly already knowing how to make you explode.

“You’re so warm,” Thor sighed to himself. Tony was jealous. He wanted to touch you or taste you. Hell all of them did, but Tony? He was willing to fight for it, as childish as that might seem. You were like a siren and he was a sailor falling for your song.

Thor moved to the side so everyone could see him pushing you to the edge. Wanda looked you right in your eyes as she sucked you off Bruce’s fingers and it happened again, your eyes couldn’t stay open, it sounded like you had water in your ears as you let out a moan that could put wolves howling at the moon to shame.

“Yes, Don’t stop, little dove,” Thor encouraged. You were about to clamp your thighs shut but Bruce wasn’t having it.

“Be a good girl and keep that pussy on display,”

Tears began running down your cheeks already, a little smile showing on your lips as you began coming down.

“She’s a cryer? They’re my favorite,” Clint groaned to himself. He loved pushing his lovers the edge of ecstasy, he loved pushing them over that hill to get their minds blank, cumming so hard they cry.

He wanted to make you cry.

Thor retracted from you but not before placing a kiss on your cheek, “You really are a good girl,”

He took his seat by Wanda and sucked on a finger to experience your essence. It was like drinking sweet, refreshing cranberry juice on a hot day. He let Wanda suck you off his other finger and you shook at the actions.

You didn’t have time to comprehend it though before Bruce moved from behind you to position himself between your legs, knelt at the foot of the bed, right at Tony’s feet. Bruce pulled you closer until his nose nudged your clit and he laced his fingers with yours.

“You hungry?,” You teased. Bruce was a sucker for eating you out. He made sure to every time, he relished in your taste.

“Always,” you felt his wet warm tongue graze your clit and your nails dug into his hands. You were dripping, two orgasms prior, you couldn’t help it. Your legs were raised and toes curled as he buried his face in you.

Your toes brushed Tony’s legs and it sent blood rushing to the head of his cock. Your coral painted toes looked beautiful against your brown skin. He took your foot in his hand and massaged it watching you before taking his next bold step and sucking your first two toes in his mouth.

Your breath hitched and you sat up on your elbows, eyes wide, watching him suck on your toes like a fudge pop before it melted. It was a sensation you never felt before but damn it had you giving Bruce more arousal suck up.

“Daddy you eat my pussy so. fucking. gooood!,” your head fell back against the bed and you fucked yourself onto his tongue, “Especially while Daddy Tony sucks on my toes,”

Bruce has no idea what was going on behind his back but he gauged your reaction, realizing you must like whatever his best friend is doing to you, even if it’s new.

Tony kisses up and down your calf while massaging the soles of your foot. You were pushed to another orgasm when Bruce sucked and nipped at your clit and Tony sucked your pretty, clean toes back in his mouth. You looked him right in the eyes as you came. More tears rushing to your eyes and falling down your hot cheeks as you came with a loud cry.

“Fuck!,” you’re left panting and dazed. Bruce crawls over you and kisses the shell of your ear before whispering,

“Been dying to see you get sloppy while sucking another cock... so pick one,”

You’re in shock. This went from everyone wanting to watch to everyone getting a go at you. But hey, you weren’t complaining. Not like they all weren’t pining after you.

“Sammy,” you huff in a confident breath, “I want Sammy,” you said loudly.

He heard his name and his eyes widened like deer in head lights, “Sammy what?,”

“I want you to fuck my mouth,”

“You sure?,”

He knew you and Bruce didn’t have a label but shit you might as well. He didn’t want to cross boundaries.

“I let a literal God finger fuck her and Tony sucked her toes,” Bruce sat up off the bed and motioned for Sam to take his spot. He undid his pants in a flash and you got right to business. Your face in his lap, ass up in the air, everyone wanted to either eat you or fuck you.

“Nat?,” Bruce said from behind her. She didn’t even look at him, she was too into the way you were gagging, too into the way spit dripped down your chin. Sam was having a field day and he was about to cum easily.

“Yeah?.”

“Go ahead and get a taste,”

She crawled on the bed toward your waiting pussy, your inner thighs were shiny from your pussy dripping cum. You felt her tongue on your thighs and it was much softer than Bruce’s, it tickled almost. She moved her tongue against like you were a melting scoop of ice cream ready to fall off the cone.

Then she went for the gold and it had you gagging more on Sam, he didn’t even have time to warn you that he was cumming. He felt bad that it shot straight down your throat but you swallowed it welcomly. You could tell he had a balanced diet just by the taste and you loved it.

Natasha position herself right under you so you were sitting on her face. You were so caught up in the feeling of her tongue that you didn’t even hear Bruce tell Bucky to get a taste too. Bucky was a major ass kinda guy. Everyone knew he loved your ass, so it didn’t surprise anyone when he straddled Natasha amd his tongue met hers as he licked from your clit all the way to your ass.

“You guys are killing me,” you had your head hung low and a pillow clenched tight in your fists. Sam finally stood up, his legs still feeling like jelly, went back to his chair to enjoy you lose your sanity.

“She likes sucking fingers, do your best,” he slapped Steve on the shoulder and when you felt his strong hand gripping your face you fell apart.

“Open up, dove,”

You followed the Captain’s rules and happily sucked his thumb while he palmed himself through his lounge pants. He loved the way your lips wrapped around his finger. Sucking like your life depended on it. Then he removed his thumb and thrusted his middle and finger in, making you gag just to see those pretty tears. Your gagging caused your walls to tremble around Natasha’s fingers and the way she moaned against you had you leaning into Steve’s fingers more. Then you felt a cool, slick metal finger push through your tight ring of muscle and it had you rearing back from Steve’s fingers to face plants in a pillow as you cum again.

“Oh keep cumming for me, Dove,” Nat didn’t hesitate to slurp you up like the last remaining bit of a slushee. Bucky’s finger felt so good in you and he kissed your cheeks. Your body fell limp and everyone pulled back from you.

“Daddy I need you,” you really just needed him in your guts right now.

Bruce realized the only one who didn’t get anything out of you was Clint, but in all honestly Clint was fine with just watching right now, another chance would arise.

Bruce came back over to you cradling your body in his before moving you on your hands and knees so you faced the team.

“You okay? What’s your color?,” his hands soothes over your hot body and he easily calmed you down.

“Hot pink,”

Hot pink meant you were great and right on the edge of subspace. You felt the tip of his cock brush against your clit, collecting some of your juices on him.

“Fuck, look at you. You like it when I let the team have turns with you knowing they’ve been wanting you?,”

He didn’t even let you answer before plunging in deep. A deep gasp from you filled the room.

“You liked feeling someone else’s mouth on your pussy? Someone else’s finger in your ass, dove?,”

“Oh my God,” You bit your lip and let your head fall on the bed until you felt someone’s hand lift your face. It was Tony.

“Be a good girl for us and keep that head up, yeah?,”

“Answer him,” Steve commented

“Y-Yes yes!!,”

Wave after wave of tingles had your stomach coiling as Bruce had your hips in a tight grip, getting as deep as he can. He was so deep he hit your cervix, it hurt a bit, but it was a good hurt that had you ready to cum and maybe black out from so many orgasms.

“You liked having another heavy dick in your throat didn’t you? You liked feeling a God’s fingers deep in your greedy cunt didn’t you, dove? You love people relishing in your fucking taste? Huh? Is that why you’re so fucking soaked for daddy?,”

Your vision was a blur of tears, Tony moved his hand to your throat and squeezed, making you gasp. He loved feeling like he had power, “Answer your daddy,”

“Yes, yes I love it!,” your squeal echoes in the room and You have everyone either clenching their thighs or palming themselves to the point of blowing one.

“Oh, oh God, Daddy harder, I need it harder,” you begged, body ready to fall limp. You never could trust your strength in this moment because you did fall limp and Bruce laid right into you, fingers finding their way into your hair as he tugged.

“C-Clint,” you called out for him, “Smack me, please,”

Tony scooted back so Clint could kneel in front of you like a knight to a Queen.

“You’re so fucking pretty when you cry and beg,” he whispered, holding your cheek so gently but the slap he delivered didn’t match at all.

“M-more!,”

“She’s deep in it now,” Wanda whines, she could always tell when you were in subspace. Each time Clint slapped you, your pussy clenched Bruce tight, ready to milk him dry.

“Fuck, dove,” Bruce keeled into your ear, “You’re gonna make me cum baby,”

Bruce kissed all over your shoulders, spread your legs wide so he could see your pussy taking him in, he loved the way your ass cheeks and thick thighs rippled with each thrust he made.

“You let them touch you but whose good girl are you?,”

“Yours, Daddy. Only yours!,” you sobbed, “only your good girl, daddy,” hiccuping and ready to cum.

“Cum for me baby, be a good girl and let go,”

He kissed your wet cheek softly and for some reason that action pushed you over the edge.

You raise up in your palms and rear your ass back against him to hold him perfectly at that angle. The team shivers at the way your eyes roll back into your head, it puts a demon possession to shame. You’re whining and whimpering and shivering.

“I want you to cum in me, daddy. Pl-please,” you groan as he spanks your ass. He flips you over and pins your hands by your head. Your mouth is wide open in a silent scream as you see his eyes and neck turning green.

It should scare you, but it just has you opening your legs wider.

“Yes daddy!! Don’t stop, don’t stop, please don’t stop,”

He just about hulks out as he cums with a sexy roar that almost deafens you. You’re staring up at him with a teary smile until you cover your face and let out a wail.

“Fuck! Th-thank you so much,”

He removed your hands from your face and kisses your tears away. Loving the salty taste they leave on his lips, “you’re such a good girl.” He calms you down with sweet words and a nice bath while the others set his room up the way it was before. He soothes you into a nap and goes to find the others once he hears your gentle snores.

“My glasses recorded everything, can I keep it or is that too much,” Tony sat with a glass of scotch and a bulge in his pants.

“That’s a Y/N question,” he shrugs, “She’ll probably want to watch it with you,”

The others still sit around dazed that all of that really happened. Sam’s legs are still twitching, Natasha, Thor, Bucky and Wanda can still taste you on their tongues and they can only hope to get more.

“How would you feel about...,” Clint shrugged, “Each of us having our own little solo fun with little dove?,”

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should i make a listening party series where everyone gets their turn?👀 lmk please

PLEASE COMMENT AND REBLOG!!!

tags- @blackreaders-assemble @vozit @yournonlocalpoc @retroxvailles @xye-weirdo @spideys-wife @here-for-your-bullshit @crawlingnightmares @hisxblackxqueen @dumbchick @warmchick @valentinevirgo @veryhellshdia @chonisberonica @mbaku-babygirl @kamahriii @siriuslycollins @eratotalles @motherhyuckerdude @valkyriesnymph @valynsia @the-carter-mob-don @blackmissfrizzle @flowersbound @zombz78 @beautifulbashfulblackqueen @prettyjewel93 @freddiedijon @michaels-endtime

[canumoveurseatup-no]

Hi! I was wondering if you can tag me in the next part of the listening party series. (Only if you want to) I came across Wanda’s part first and then I went to your Masterlist to find the other parts. It was stressful but I managed and I can’t wait for whosever next!

The series frl got me like:

OF COOOUUUURSE! Thank you for your support! I’m hoping it won’t be too much longer on Steve’s part! I started this series over a year ago and things just keep getting in the way to slow down completion 😭

[canumoveurseatup-no]

YES I WILL! 🥰 Steve’s part is in the works! I’m currently moving and have two jobs one of which I’m a manager so sitting down to finish it has been hard and I’m so sorry for the delay!😭❤️

Listening Party Masterlist

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!! THIS IS AN 18+ BLOG!

Yes, I know… Finally, right? I figured putting each individual part on my regular masterlist would be okay but I suppose not. So, since plenty have asked, here is a Listening Party Masterlist.

For those who are new to this series. It is a Bruce x black!reader series where they are together and him and reader both allow everyone to take turns with her (everything is consensual). There are different kinks involved so please make sure to read the warnings on each part, thank you!

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