capitalist-carpet

[capitalist-carpet]

Please enjoy the infectious laughter of the Australian senate struggling to keep its composure while grilling a man about bee semen

[capitalist-carpet]

I legit have no memory of time I didn't know how to swim. Spent half the time of my childhood summers up to my ears in a lake. I am unsinkable. My skin is so oily that the water just fucking rejects it. I just float on top like a witch carved from styrox tossed in the dead sea.

[capitalist-carpet]

when I was a kid I wished I had nosebleeds. I had some friends who had them and I was like. that looks so fucking cool. you're just sitting there and suddenly you're covered in blood. it looks so dramatic. it looks so... and here my language failed me. at such a humble age I did not have the vocabulary to describe the sublime. I just sat in incomprehensible jealousy. I turned out totally normal by the way

[capitalist-carpet]

i love this website i just feel at home here you know

[capitalist-carpet]

daily affirmations:

i am kind

i am in control of my emotions

it does not bother me when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

everyone in the house has the right to be in the kitchen

i am kind and in control of my emotions even when someone is in the kitchen while i was planning to be in there alone

[capitalist-carpet]

anyone else wish they would get roped into a freaky friday body swap situation just for the hope that the other person will go "oh jesus fuck how do you live like this" and instantly validate your feelings of being Strange and Built Wrong.

[capitalist-carpet]

The fact that animals that care for their young will sometimes adopt others' lost or orphaned young to raise along their own is just funny to me. I know that it's all hormonal and there's no conscious thought involved in it, but the internal logic of it is so funny.

"Baby = success. More baby = more success. I have one baby and I found four other baby. I have five baby. I am being so fucking successful right now."

[capitalist-carpet]

I like that we’ve kind of cycled back to the early 90s TV’s fearful attitudes about technologies

Like yeah, X-Files, I wouldn’t get into an elevator run by AI either, good call in 1993, you nailed it

[capitalist-carpet]

One of my co-workers has a standing desk that he uses sitting down. It looks like this

[capitalist-carpet]

encountering an inconvenience while cold: damn that sucks, oh well, i’ll figure something else out!!

encountering an inconvenience while hot: we all deserve to die right now, come on everyone, lets all go die

[capitalist-carpet]

Grounding techniques don't really work for me especially in public... "five things I can see" I see a bunch of people pissing me off

[capitalist-carpet]

new video coming this week hotties

[capitalist-carpet]

there's a new social cue coming out. no we're not telling you about it

[capitalist-carpet]

dropping food when you're already sad is such an intense emotion. Just the most fucking wretched self indulgent pity. One time I spilled a bowl of ice cream when i had already spent most of the day sobbing and honestly im still chasing that high

[capitalist-carpet]

musk is going to die in a Tesla explosion in 6 months after sticking his nose where it doesn't belong and we will never get a conclusive answer on whether it was a CIA car bomb or just a normal Tesla malfunction

[capitalist-carpet]

fuuuuck that is my circus. are those…? yep… those are my monkeys….. goddammit.

[capitalist-carpet]

a watched nut never busts. or something. i dont fucking know what you people find funny anymore. 9/11.