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cappulcino · 9 hours

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Brienne and Femininity (and Masculinity)

I’ve been musing how one of the most important topics in Brienne's storyline is femininity, and even though her story isn't finished, we can fairly see what some of her major themes are around this—particularly, how performing or failing at performing femininity affects her both internally and externally.

Often I see people pointing out that, in spite of all of Brienne’s traditionally masculine ways—her clothes, her skill set, her body shape, to name a few—she does not fully reject femininity. That she likes little cute animals and fairy tales and wears dresses, and is shy and blushes frequently. This is an important point because, very often, fantasy settings made the assumption that a woman can only be taken seriously if she goes beyond “her womanhood” and acts and thinks “like a man,” as opposed to other girls who are too busy mending or wanting romance. Brienne challenges those tendencies that GRRM saw in his contemporaries. Things have changed a lot since (hello The Locked Tomb, for example), but you can still see where he is working from, and how many of the aspects of Brienne's story still resonate with more modern audiences because, well, sexism hasn't stopped existing. It's also important because the larger asoiaf and got fandoms often refuse to see this side of her, reducing her to a walking sword or a cardboard cut out of a pushover.

Now, my main issue here is that I feel several interpretations of Brienne have now gone on the other direction, and focus so much on Brienne PERFORMING traditional femininity—wearing luxurious dresses, using make up, accepting lavishing gifts, or wondering if she can be desired, for example—that we've gone sometimes on the opposite direction. I feel like many times we’re afraid or do not know how to approach characterizing her as someone who rejects aspects of femininity without making her into another “not like other girls” stereotype.

My two cents on the matter is that if we focus too much in what Brienne can't but "wants" to perform, we forget that she is, in fact, gladly rejecting some common impositions of femininity in her society.

Beginning with swordplay at a young age, for example, she was very glad to ditch a more traditional education in order to learn how to fight the way we know men are taught in asoiaf/got. She is also explicitly more comfortable in men's clothes. We all like the scene where Jaime makes an effort to give her a dress and she appreciates it, but we don't even find out what happened to the dress, because, presumably, the dress itself is not THAT important, at least not as much as the fact Jaime gave her gifts as a form of appreciation. Dresses have been used in Brienne's past to mock her (the event with the bear being the most recent one), and the important part is that Jaime is the only one who has given her one without that ulterior motive. The point of the scene is that where everyone undermines and underestimates her, he is acting the opposite way. We’re seeing how the relationship between them has evolved and that he is doing his best to mend what has happened and what he has done. She is given a dress and a sword as symbols that someone else in the story is beginning to appreciate her for all she is.

Beyond that, we even get details on the old shield Brienne got at Harrenhal, but not a word about the dress. Brienne explicitly doesn't really like being in dresses, she prefers mail and breeches, and feels more at ease in them than anything else. This is not her hating dresses because she is above them. I can’t remember well but as far as we know it’s just her preference: I don’t recall her saying she hates dresses, just that she prefers trousers. She must have been wearing dresses her whole life! It’s not likely she is unused to them. But we do know the act of being given a dress is important in Brienne’s story. The problem is not that they can’t make dresses for her, the problem is that everyone who forces her to wear a dress wants to signal how lacking she is as a woman, trying to fit her in a box too small for her real shape and then mocking her because she doesn’t meet their standard. The problem is they want to make her uncomfortable and they want to humiliate her, because she dares to exist in a way that doesn’t conform to patriarchal ideals. And the problem is that she likes to wear trousers and mail. She likes to wear masculine clothes, and they want her to be very aware of how much they disapprove.

And we also hear a great deal about marrying and having children out of duty. There's a certain loss she feels there because she believes that, at that point, all those missed opportunities will never present themselves again. All her life, she grew up with a dichotomy that dictated that the chance of having a family or children was through duty or none at all, because she is her father’s heir and—they kept telling her—nobody would want an ugly, masculine, temperamental girl as a wife. They could only want her for the money she brought. The point of the story is that, once again, failing the standards of femininity has forced her into a mentality where she thinks she can’t be loved because nobody would like who and what she is. But even then, even with that thorn in her mind, she still feels relieved she didn't have to perform these particular duties. The only thing she’s sad about is that she thinks she's missed any chance at having a family at all and will never know what that might be like. She doesn’t actively want babies or even to be married. She is still young, and at least to me, she seems to view these things in hypothetical rather than explicit goals or wants. She thinks that, at 20, there is no opportunity for her to experience these things because of how her society works. It’s the lack of choice that she mourns, down the line. But she rejects that particularly role that femininity imposes on her now. She didn’t want it, and she is happy it didn’t go through. She literally fought an old man to prove how much she didn’t want those impositions.

All this is interesting to me because Brienne also sort of thinks of herself as her father's son as well as her father's daughter. It almost slips her mouth once or twice. She is aware, I think, that many times the differences between a son and a daughter boil down not really to gender but to the sort of duty they perform. And she wants to do the sorts of things sons do, too. Men regularly learned to fight and wore the clothes she liked best and used hard-earned skills in a way she wanted to use them. There are layers to this (we’ll get to that in a bit) but she is, I think, very aware of her masculinity, and, if left to her own devices, she seems comfortable in it. The problem is she is NOT left to her own devices.

Most of Brienne's self doubt comes from outside forces. As a woman, they underestimate her. As a woman, they think she is stupid. As a gender non-conforming woman, every jape uttered goes directly to her womanhood. As a woman, if she looks the way she does and dresses the way she does and fights the way she does, when she expresses any vulnerable emotion, any shred of “femininity,” she is mocked for it. She likes dancing and beautiful things and pretty boys but a woman as masculine as she is is not the sort of person who gets to express those preferences without judgment from those around her.

The point is Brienne’s world wants her miserable either way: being unable to be a woman the way they demand of her, because she is too much “like a man” for it, or being unable to be a man, because she is too much a woman for that. The point is she can’t win regardless of what she does. Because that’s how sexism works.

But Brienne’s story is, I think, one about choices. The thing is that the world makes it harder for her, but she shouldn't have to be one thing or the other. She shouldn’t have to be defined by one or the other. If she wants to fight in the mud and smell roses and wear chain-mail and talk to charming men, she should be able to choose all of those things. I think it’s easy to focus too much in what aspects of femininity Brienne likes or dislikes instead of looking at what the story is proposing, which is to look at what Brienne,as a person, likes or dislikes. What she wants. Her parallel story to Jaime is about how the world will always try to put folks in boxes, especially those who, for some reason or another, do not easily fit in those boxes. The question is not “what feminine/masculine parts of Brienne is she happy performing” but rather “what does Brienne want, and why does she feel like she cannot get it and doesn't dare ask.”

This is also what drives her to servitude. There’s a phrase out there that says that if you don’t think you can be liked, you try to become useful, so at least there’s a reason to keep you around. It’s heartbreaking to see how Brienne’s vision of herself has been so skewed by the emotional abuse, parental neglect, and bullying she’s experienced since a young age. She doesn’t think anyone will grow close to her, so at least she can be close to people by serving them. She wants to put her skills to use, she wants to find a place where she fits, where she can be more herself, but she isn’t sure what that looks like or how to find it. She’s still searching, and learning many things on the way.

And Brienne is still very young. We can see her confidence growing and her worldview challenged and she is beginning to see the realities of herself and of the world around her through various trials by fire. Misogyny makes her feel incomplete, but we know the things she trusts about herself while simultaneously seeing the way she constantly doubts others. How she can't never express all of herself without constant judgment or mockery.

I feel like yes, the fact Brienne doesn't reject all traditional femininity is really important to her themes, but by extension, it's as important that shedoes reject some of those traditional expressions of femininity. What she is truly rejecting is imposition, not femininity. What she truly needs to embrace is freedom, not masculinity. She's making her own vows, breaking her own promises, going through her own mistakes. She is learning the hard way. Agency in a world of limited choices is one of Brienne's main themes too. There are moral issues that go deep within her story as well as examinations of the effects of war and the struggle to find authenticity and connection in a community that refuses to acknowledge yours, a community drenched in pretense and lost in performance.

And I think it’s easy to get too caught up in her wanting to be a girlfriend or a mother or wearing a dress that we bypass the whole conversation around why that matters at all. I feel like Brienne's success isn't going to come from her fully embracing all her feminine traits or fully accepting all her masculine traits but from being able, down the line, to be exactly who she is.

#brienne of tarth #gwendoline christie

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cappulcino · 11 days

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YES, a thousand times, to all of this.

I mean what the actual fuckity fuck, people?

I have never got too involved in fandoms, left many of them when I was younger. But I thought it would be different with Gwendoline's fans because I thought I would find other people like me –outcasts, to say the least– united under a common goal: kindness, tolerance and respect. Because this is what Gwendoline preaches every day of her life, and how can you call yourself a fan of hers if you do not make these qualities your priority, right? So I thought it would be different this time, but if this is the sick, perverted underlying reality, then I don't want it.

And here I was, panicking at the idea that I might be weird or too obsessed with her, in an unhealthy way. But goodness me, far from it, apparently! I'll be there sitting for hours before daring to comment under one of her posts in case my overflowing love for her makes her uncomfortable, knowing full well my comment will be drowned among hundreds of others and she'll probably never see it, while there are people who actually never think about the possibility that she'll read what they wrote and the disastrous consequences their words can have?

Because, sure, she doesn't know nor cares about 95% of us, and she has so many better things to do than spend her days checking social media –which makes your disgusting commenting even more ludicrous like, who are you talking to? The air? Nevertheless, she still might read your comments, see your stories, or come across your posts, and they very well might make her uncomfortable or hurt her. How –no, please, seriously, tell me how– can you not care? Yes, she is a celebrity, it's part of her job to be exposed to the public opinion and criticism, and I'm sure she's seen it all. But that doesn't mean she's shielded and impervious to pain. She is human first and foremost! An actual human being with emotions! Who do you think you are to comment on Gwendoline's private life, sexuality, looks, body, etc.? Has it ever crossed your mind that these comments can hurt her, her friends and family just as much as it could hurt you or any other random person? I am absolutely APPALED by what @vivendraws shared and by what a quick subsequent research has revealed. Have y'all lost your mind? I swear I almost cried and threw up.

The amount of jealously and hatred I saw, especially towards Giles, repels me. I mean, are you allowed to think he's X, Y, Z? Sure, why not, go ahead; you can't help your feelings*. But you don't know him! You only see what Gwendoline and Giles allow us to see –aka, not much, thank God– or what the media share –also not much and really biased. What you do know, though, is that he makes Gwendoline happy, that she is his muse, and that he always does everything he can to make her feel beautiful and confident in her body with the looks he creates for her. Look at the way she smiles when she talks about him and his designs! That should be the most only important thing! And either way, even if you wanted to share this useless jealousy of yours –which, really, please... hold back on the internet, for everybody's sake–, there's a huge difference between "Man, I wish that was me," and a public, unapologetic "Ew, Gwendoline, your man looks like trash." Like, do you realize that fandoms can potentially have the power to destroy couples and impact a celebrity's mental health? Is that what you want?

*Side note: I'm going to be completely honest here, I myself first started thinking, "Ugh, Giles is... bleh." But I realized 1. that I was extremely biased by my own sexuality and absolute fear of men, and 2. that I had actually never seen a couple in love before in my life –sad thing, I know– and that's why I was so weirded and grossed out by it. But I love Gwendoline so much that the only thing that matters to me is that she's happy. And since she truly seems to be with him, I started changing my mindset, and so should all the people who think ill of Giles. Be better people!

Also, would it be a win for the LGBTQ+ community if Gwendoline was a part of it? Maybe. She would surely represent yet another minority and be even more of a role model to many people. And considering many things, I wouldn't be surprised if she was bisexual. But for the love of God in Heaven, it isn't anybody's place to publicly speculate, let alone to express their wishes and unrealistic fantasies! And who cares? That doesn't change who she is as an actress nor as a public figure! She is with a man who makes her extremely happy. Deal with it.

Now, to learn that those speculations and debates over her private life and sexuality also come with a sexualization of her body just makes my stomach turn. I haven't seen those types of comment (yet), so I'll take the original poster's word for it, but this is sickening, especially the whole thing about the various nude photographs and the bunny shoot. Yes, I know Gwendoline said she didn't regret doing those and that it helped her with her image –maybe it can help you too, I know for some reason it helped me with my own image. But she did say she would never do this again, which shows a certain discomfort, and it remains sensitive content regardless. So stop. sharing. them! For goodness' sakes, you shouldn't even have them saved on your phone! And you definitely cannot go to autograph sessions with those –or any NSFW edit/drawing of her and her characters for that matter– for her to sign; this is blatant disrespect!

And when the whole –opinions on her private life, sexuality and body– is expressed and used in the writing of fanfictions, that's when I lose my fucking mind. Fanfictions with real people?! Wake up, this is mental! I repeat: celebrities are first and foremost human beings!

I'm sure we all dream of meeting Gwendoline –or other celebrities we love–, and who wouldn't want to be this lovely woman's friend? Maybe you even have a crush on her, and it's not your fault you feel this way. We all dream that our favorite celebrities would notice us, it's normal –especially for younger people out there! And here's a list of what you can do about it:

*Create cute and respectful content that could catch her attention

*Daydream

*Write about it in a diary –and keep it to yourself

*Talk to one of those AI bots if that's your thing

*And the best option: try to go meet her during conventions because taking time for us is her job, not a hobby nor obligation, and she deserves the respect, the security provided by venues and staff, and the financial compensation.

But here's a list of what you cannot do:

*Spam her social media accounts

*Stalk her, be it online or IRL

*Interrupt her if you spot her with friends, family, or Giles in a restaurant/bar/other public space

*And write freaking NSFW fanfictions about her –in which you change her body, sexuality, personal information, and in which you put her in weird or suspicious scenarios– that you then carelessly share on the Internet.

And then to think that these writings and edits are created by or advertised to minors... Are you insane, folks?! Not only is this disrespectful to Gwendoline, but this is also dangerous for the younger, immature minds –and I can already hear 16 year-olds coming to say they can handle it... No you can't. If you're a minor creating this type of content: please, stop and live your teenage life, learn about actual, real human relationships and connections. And if you're an adult who lets their NSFW –sometimes violent– content reach a minor audience: go to the nearest convenience store see if they don't sell a damn conscience for you to buy!

My rant is probably going to get lost on this app as I just joined, have no followers, and only recently became a fan of Gwendoline's, but I have to say this –and I'd have so much more to say, to be honest. I truly feel a profound anger and I am ready to fight anyone who disagrees with what the original post says.

Gwendoline would be disappointed, disgusted and even pained by such behaviors!

Now, I still hope I can make friends among her fans to obsess over her and be weird with, I really do –on this lighter note, don't hesitate to reach out, hi! But if you're part of this lot, stay as far as you can from me, lest you regret what I might say to you.

making an important announcement about some things i’ve noticed in the gwendoline christie fandom that really bug me.

disclaimer: read this at your own convenience and discretion. i am not responsible for any sort of hurt feelings and frankly… i don’t care. if you’re mad about this, you are probably the problem. /lh

to start with id like to begin on a positive note so that i’m not diving into negativity, i don’t want to be completely negative about my experiences because i’ve actually met some of the kindest people in the world through this fan base.

the gwen fandom, the gwandom, the gwendoline christie fandom , the lesbian cesspool, has been an incredible experience that i’m grateful i’ve had the pleasure of being apart of.

i went through a rough patch during november, and if i hadn’t found out about gwen, or met such wonderful people during my time here , i honestly wouldn’t be here right now. i owe my life to these people, gwen included. i will forever adore miss christie and what she stands for alongside the friends i’ve made along the way.

and while i know someday this hyperfix will end, it’s really disheartening to me when a fandom is what makes me grow distant from things i enjoy. it happened before, i feel as though it is happening all over again.

and no, i’m not taking issue with anything like the catrissa stuff or the brienne and larissa ship going around or anything like that. i like that we can all be weird together and enjoy aus like catrissa and crackships like bririssa (not sure the official name that was decided lol). my issue is the amount of content i’ve seen that either focuses on gwen herself, or the strange relationship with minors, or the odd artwork of gwen, and the absolute disgusting behaviour towards giles.

gwen would be absolutely appalled seeing fanfictions of herself that involve nsfw or just her in general, anyone would, it’s disgusting to make works of real people in that setting. it’s like you’re treating them as an original character you can mould and manipulate as you see fit and using someone who is real with thought and feeling and consciousness for smut fics is not okay, or any fic in general. i totally get the hype around her characters, i literally have “brienne’s princess” in my bio and i’ve had “jane murdstone’s bloodbag” (in reference to my vamp au) as a name in a discord server.

but i think the fandom has begun to blur the lines between fictional characters and reality settings when it comes to gwen and the personalities she portrays on the television screen. it’s not fair to her. it’s disgusting. i’ve seen a minor do it, i’ve seen a grown adult do it. it’s something i don’t see shamed and frowned upon often enough and it’s really not okay.

on that note i’d like to quickly mention the photos, we alllll know what photos i’m talking about. the bunny one, the nudes, the ones gwen has expressed regret towards and wishes to not have them spread. was there not a “fan” who brought her a book of her nudes and wanted her to sign it? that person who was blocked on instagram by gwen because they reposted her nudes on their story and tagged her???? how can you refer to yourself as a fan after behaving so abhorrently? absolutely disgusting behaviour. as a collective fandom we need to stop touching those photos (metaphorically speaking) and leave them in the past.

i’ve been told of numerous circumstances in which adults have shown their nsfw works to minors in this fandom and it has to fucking stop. it’s disgusting!! how can you do that knowingly? i constantly ponder terminating my account after a minor got ahold of my nsfw work, and upon realising they WERE a minor it was as simple as blocking and moving on. it’s truly not that hard, folks. and the minors on tiktok who fight with others saying silly things like “that’s my wife” or worse. i’ve seen it all, i feel like, and the more i see it the more sick i become. i cannot stand it.

i have seen and heard of fans who have fat shamed gwen for that one pink dress she wore to the met gala. she looked so happy in that dress, and the audacity one must have to fatshame that poor woman on twitter then turn around and continue to proclaim your ‘love for her’ as if you’d done no wrong? are you fucking serious? are you mental?

and the sexualisation over the porcelain doll look, gods some of you are sick. those were not real breasts, people. considering the fact she wholeheartedly regrets her nude photoshoots , what possesses you to believe she would actually flaunt her chest in that outfit?

the blatant mistreatment of poor giles is not fucking okay either. just because you’re jealous of someone who makes her immensely happy does not give you the right to post something so vile and cruel about him. shame on you. why do you believe this is okay to post:

????????

are you serious? have any of you stopped to consider how HAPPY giles makes her? or is her happiness the last thing you ponder when you look at her? have you even noticed how unhappy she looks lately? have you truly paused to consider how she would feel about seeing this on your page, random twitter user, or the rest of you who think this is okay? bless your hearts.

and some of the absolutely horrific things i’ve seen about her online and the hurtful behaviour towards giles makes me question the difference between a fan and just the general paparazzi. because if you truly loved her and you truly loved giles then i would not be ranting into the fucking void about it for no reason.

i avoid interacting with pages i find problematic on here to keep from stirring the pot but tonight i chose violence and got reeeeeal pissy about how i felt about this place. it’s not okay what i see on here and it’s getting exhausting seeing the same cycle of content on a daily.

that’s everything i have to say, i think. i probably missed a lot that should be discussed in the comments but i’m done for now because i know if i go on i’ll probably cry.

before you post things about real people with real feelings , stop to consider how they will feel those real feelings towards the content you put out. chances are you’ll become less problematic and obnoxious that way. 💘

#gwendoline christie #gwendolineuniverse #I am so fucking angry I don't even know what tag to use

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